Monday, October 30, 2017

#34 - The Trick is to Treat Yourself


Just remember: it's not embarrassing to dress up in a costume past the age of 30 as long as you get free candy out of it.

It's either that or keep taking the free candy they leave out in glass dishes at upscale establishments, but I think Wells Fargo is starting to catch on that I have no desire to open a checking account.

Have a Happy Halloween, if you're into that kind of thing.


Monday, October 16, 2017

#33 - Another Hole in the Wall


I'm sure some of you have been wondering over the past few months where Brandon has been and why I just won't shut the hell up.

Well, you might think he's too busy being a father with a newborn baby like some kind of responsible adult, but the truth is that a 400 lb mulleted shebeast sat on him, he was sucked up, comically, into the planetary pull of her nethercheeks, and now he's living in rural Iowa as a morbidly obese woman's hemorrhoid donut.

Or maybe it's just that first thing.

I'm still here, though, and in coming months I'm beyond excited to share some of the big new projects I'm working on, which are insanely ambitious and probably sound ridiculous, but I don't want to be that guy who turns (insert oldish sounding age here) and wonders what could have been. Wonders why I didn't take more risks and try something batshit crazy.

Stay tuned. The hype is real.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan

Music: Canadian Summer
Beer: Victory HopDevil


Monday, October 2, 2017

Don't Sit Out on Standing Up for Kneeling






Yay, football season is here, and like everything else in this godawful culture of ours, politics has infected it.

Now, before anyone jumps down our dickholes about free speech or not caring about what's going on in the world, this isn't about that at all. Everyone - giant gorillas that get concussions for a living, included - is entitled to their opinion about world events. We wouldn't want to live in a country where people that voice their opinions get carted off to jail by the thought police.

We're just sick of politics infecting everything. Late night comedy shows are all political now (and poor Jimmy Fallon even had to apologize and make changes in his show for NOT being political). Awards shows are all political now. Sitcoms are political. And the NFL is now political, too.

For all those outlets, it's well within their rights if they want to be political. And no, that doesn't mean we're angry closet Republicans. Plain and simple, this is about entertainment. We watch comedy and sports games because they're an escape from the everyday bullshit of life. For us, it's exhausting to wind down after a long day of being angry at the world... by being angry at the world some more. It's counterproductive.

Sometimes it's good to be mad at the world and to fight back, sure. But sometimes it's also nice to just shut up and relax and escape all of the bullshit, even if that escape is nothing more than watching 300 lb. men throw a ball around and fall on each other for 3 hours.

SHAMELESS FUTUREPLUG: This is actually the topic of my WIP solo novel, The Escape Artist, about a guy who lives in his own head and tries to escape reality, quite literally, and is soon in danger of becoming lost forever. See, I get that it's a delicate balance. We all need an escape sometimes. It's important to help us relax. Too much or too little can be detrimental to your health.

For us, football has always been an escape. Now that it's no longer an escape, we have no desire to watch it.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go escape in a video game... and just pray that Super Mario doesn't spend the first 30 minutes lecturing me on white privilege in America.

Cheers and stay entertained, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: Panama
Beer: Left Hand Oktoberfest