|The facial bone-structure is amazingly accurate, no?|
So in the spirit of Abercrombie and Fitch's unapologetic statements, we wanted to turn our blog and our books into more than just a name. We want to be an exclusive brand. A club, if you will, for the Internet elite.
But to take it a step further than A&F, we don't just want the beautiful. We want the highly intelligent, too. You see, this is some clever, highbrow humor we're bringing you, and we don't want our words to fall on the ears of the ugly and the stupid. So starting on Thursday, if you want to continue reading our blog then you'll have to submit your headshot and your MENSA score* for our approval.
*If you just asked "What's a MENSA score?" then you've already failed, you dumb stupid idiot.
If you cannot provide these 2 items to our satisfaction, then you'll be automatically directed to a suicide prevention website where you can ponder the banality of your mediocre life.
This decision of course was made by our president, Peggy Sue the Retarded Goat, the most beautiful and intelligent of them all.
And again, it's not just our blog. We're also incorporating this exclusivity into our books. You see, you can still order our books from Amazon.com, but all new books have been fitted with a small webcam that will detect your beauty, and a 2 page intelligence test that will determine your eligibility to read the book.
If you fail either of these, the book will punch you in the face and permanently lock itself.*
*No refunds, either. If you ordered one of these and were too ugly or too stupid to open it, then let that be a lesson to your over-inflated sense of self worth.
So to the beautiful and the highly intelligent, we'll see you Thursday. As for the rest of you dumb uglies, well, you've been warned. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Cheers and stay beautiful, my brainy friends,
Beer: 400 Lb. Monkey IPA
Music: Daft Punk