Monday, October 16, 2017

#33 - Another Hole in the Wall

I'm sure some of you have been wondering over the past few months where Brandon has been and why I just won't shut the hell up.

Well, you might think he's too busy being a father with a newborn baby like some kind of responsible adult, but the truth is that a 400 lb mulleted shebeast sat on him, he was sucked up, comically, into the planetary pull of her nethercheeks, and now he's living in rural Iowa as a morbidly obese woman's hemorrhoid donut.

Or maybe it's just that first thing.

I'm still here, though, and in coming months I'm beyond excited to share some of the big new projects I'm working on, which are insanely ambitious and probably sound ridiculous, but I don't want to be that guy who turns (insert oldish sounding age here) and wonders what could have been. Wonders why I didn't take more risks and try something batshit crazy.

Stay tuned. The hype is real.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Music: Canadian Summer
Beer: Victory HopDevil

Monday, October 2, 2017

Don't Sit Out on Standing Up for Kneeling

Yay, football season is here, and like everything else in this godawful culture of ours, politics has infected it.

Now, before anyone jumps down our dickholes about free speech or not caring about what's going on in the world, this isn't about that at all. Everyone - giant gorillas that get concussions for a living, included - is entitled to their opinion about world events. We wouldn't want to live in a country where people that voice their opinions get carted off to jail by the thought police.

We're just sick of politics infecting everything. Late night comedy shows are all political now (and poor Jimmy Fallon even had to apologize and make changes in his show for NOT being political). Awards shows are all political now. Sitcoms are political. And the NFL is now political, too.

For all those outlets, it's well within their rights if they want to be political. And no, that doesn't mean we're angry closet Republicans. Plain and simple, this is about entertainment. We watch comedy and sports games because they're an escape from the everyday bullshit of life. For us, it's exhausting to wind down after a long day of being angry at the world... by being angry at the world some more. It's counterproductive.

Sometimes it's good to be mad at the world and to fight back, sure. But sometimes it's also nice to just shut up and relax and escape all of the bullshit, even if that escape is nothing more than watching 300 lb. men throw a ball around and fall on each other for 3 hours.

SHAMELESS FUTUREPLUG: This is actually the topic of my WIP solo novel, The Escape Artist, about a guy who lives in his own head and tries to escape reality, quite literally, and is soon in danger of becoming lost forever. See, I get that it's a delicate balance. We all need an escape sometimes. It's important to help us relax. Too much or too little can be detrimental to your health.

For us, football has always been an escape. Now that it's no longer an escape, we have no desire to watch it.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go escape in a video game... and just pray that Super Mario doesn't spend the first 30 minutes lecturing me on white privilege in America.

Cheers and stay entertained, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: Panama
Beer: Left Hand Oktoberfest

Monday, September 18, 2017

What Makes a Millennial Tick

What's up with those crazy millennials, amirite guys? They are just the worst and/or best depending on who we're pandering to. And what is a millennial, anyway?

Oh, wait, we're millennials?

Well, that's weird. Anyhoo, hope you guys learned something. Or not.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Beer: Some crappy IPA you'd hate
Music: Some awful hipster band that sounds like ear rape

Monday, August 21, 2017

The National Nazi Epidemic of 2017

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a very special A Beer for the Shower press conference. We present to you the President... of this blog. Along with another guy. Who is also the President. We share.

Don't overthink this.

Monday, August 7, 2017

This Post is Nothing - Move Along

So I know you're probably all wondering where I've been the past couple of wee-

Okay, *IF* you were wondering where I was the past couple of weeks, I've been nursing a broken hand. I fractured one of the tiny bones inside of my hand while beating the living hell out of my body opponent bag.

This asshole.

Seeing as how the dummy is fine, I don't believe I won our last fight. Statistics indicate I may instead be the dummy.

Weeks have dragged on and still I can't draw. I can type a bit, but posting nothing but words is weird. Unheard of. What am I, some kind of author or something?

I figured maybe there's another way I can still get you guys a quality post. Maybe I can make comics entirely out of text.

But no, that's cheesy. Even cheesier than using MSPaint.

Speaking of, I also thought of digging up some old MSPaint files from way, WAY back in the day and adding some new text over those, but it turns out that Microsoft has actually killed off MSPaint. Those bastards.

I even considered asking my wife to draw something for the blog.

But since she doesn't know what she's doing and that's kind of rude of me to push my work on someone else, I can't do that, either.

I even considered just posting a rerun. Taking a slightly older post and reposting it again just for something as cheap as extra views and maybe a bit of ad revenue.

But I can't do that. That's lame.

Ultimately, none of these things fit the bill here at ABftS, so I've decided that for this week you get nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no post today, no cartoons, and no pictures. Nothing to see here, folks.

Sorry about all of this nothingness. I do hate to leave you with a blank canvas. Anyhow, I'll see you in a couple weeks when my hand is better.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Beer: Left Hand Sawtooth Ale
Music: Vance Joy

The first thing you see when you enter hell