Friday, July 22, 2016

#12 - The Joy Of Camping

NOTE: We'll be back on the 15th with a big ass announcement! Sorry, no hints, but anyone who guesses 'B&B get gay married' gets a slap in the teeth

(We're heading out on a big camping trip this weekend with some friends. We both love camping, and yet cannot ever adequately explain to anyone why we enjoy it)

Thursday, July 14, 2016

The Post About GUNS!

The two of us agree on almost everything when it comes to topics that truly matter. Which is better - Pepsi or Coke. Paper vs plastic. Which way the toilet paper goes. But one thing we don't agree on at all is guns. When it comes to guns, we have two completely polar opposite views that neither of us will budge on, so today we wanted to see if you the reader could help us decide who's right and who's wrong.

First up, Bryan's belief.

Bryan believes that under no circumstances should anyone ever own a gun. Ever. Mostly, this is because he believes that guns don't serve any purpose whatsoever.

He also believes that if you should ever need to defend yourself in a rare life and death situation, that you can absolutely do it without a gun.

And to the people that already have guns, he believes they should be turned in to the government. That Obama should keep his promise of taking away all of our guns.

And ultimately, Bryan believes that the US can live peacefully with all guns banned, and he has complete faith that the government can not only confiscate and destroy all 300 million of them, but keep those guns out of the hands of criminals through strict laws, because if there's one thing criminals respect, it's the law.

This, however, is a stark contrast to what Brandon believes.

Brandon believes that everyone should carry a gun. EVERYONE. Even people who don't want a gun should be given a gun as a means of protecting themselves.

He believes everyone should carry it at all times, on their hip, in a holster. Because after all, this is the old West, and you never know when you might need your gun. At a mall? Maybe! At a playground? Possibly! At grandma's funeral? Might as well err on the side of caution! Danger lurks everywhere, and it's better to be over-prepared than under-prepared!

Brandon also believes that guns should be put in every classroom, as a way of preventing school shootings. If teacher's packing heat, after all, then no one's going to try to pull any fast ones in our nation's classrooms.

And ultimately, Brandon believes that if every single person has a gun, then criminals and would-be terrorists don't stand a chance. Neither do victims of miscommunication or innocent bystanders hit by the rapid fire of someone who has no firearms training whatsoever and vision like Mr. Magoo, but sometimes, just sometimes, don't you have to put everyone around you in mortal danger just to keep everyone around you safe?

So there you have it, folks, our views on gun ownership. Clearly one of us is right and one of us is wrong, so let's have it. Be brutally honest. Which of us is right?

Cheers and stay armed to the teeth (with beer),

Music: Flume
Beer: Anchor's Mango Wheat

(Note: for the 0.05% reading this who don't understand us or our humor this is what we call 'satire' and neither of us actually believes any of these ridiculous things)

Friday, July 1, 2016

Misguided Reviews: Live and In Color, Part II, This Time It's Personal (With a Vengeance)

Sorry, folks, but we don't have any comics for you today. If that's what you want, you'll have to head over to and see if Bil Keane is still slaughtering comedy from beyond the grave.

Instead of crappy 'drawrings', we can offer you not just one, but TWO videos today. One of them is even ours.

Our writer friends S.K. Anthony and Raymond Esposito run a YouTube series called Writers After Dark, where they talk all things writing while cracking wise, drinking, and vaping (WE GET IT BRO, YOU VAPE). Their most recent topic: misguided reviews, aka Amazon reviews of a novel that make about as much sense as putting an angry orange man or a corpse in a pantsuit in charge of our country. Writers After Dark put out a request for hilarious misguided reviews from other authors, so Bryan submitted a video of two of our favorites. He makes an appearance in the show, which you can see right here.

His part was edited for the sake of time, so if you want to see what he said in its entirety and what fun, off-color things got cut out, his video is below.

Now, we both know he's no Pewdiepie. He can't make loud noises or funny faces or yell at his computer while pretending like he's surprised by a video game, but hopefully this is mildly entertaining.

Oh, and yes, these are real reviews.

5 people actually found this helpful? God help us all.

Fun fact: if you click on the reviewer's profile, you'll see that she just spends all day long giving books terrible review after terrible review, to the point that we both question why she even bothers reading anything at all anymore if she just hates everything she reads.

So, you know, we don't like to brag, but someone did call for one of our books to be banned, so that makes us kind of a big deal.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Music: Sancho
Beer: Anchor's Mango Wheat

Thursday, June 16, 2016

OMG UR teh Wurst Prezdnt Evar

Election season is upon us, which means that voter fraud is in the air, nauseating amounts of attack ads are filling the airwaves, and most of us are busy Googling things like, "What do I need to become a Canadian citizen?" It also means that the mud slinging has begun, resulting in something that looks a lot like this.

Yes, the Donald is flipping the famous double bird with his unnaturally tiny hands as a way of insulting the corpse in the pantsuit.

But for the first time ever, a lot of this middle fingering has become digital. Some of you may have already seen these, but recently Hillary Clinton tweeted this.

And Donald Trump in reply tweeted this.

First off, as much as we both can't stand Trump, he does seem to get the zinger in this exchange. But second, and more importantly, did you ever think that we'd live in an age where presidential candidates - one of whom might very well be the next president of the United States - would be talking shit to each other on Twitter?

It's such an amazingly low achievement of technology. I mean, imagine if this kind of digital outlet for smack talk was available when the good ol' US of A was first forming its roots.

(History lesson: Most people don't know that in addition to being Andrew Jackson's VP and serving as the eighth president of the United States, Martin Van Buren was also the original Wolverine).

But with Hillary and "the Donald", there's something you must understand. This is only the beginning. It surely can only get worse from here. And we're not just talking about how bad it'll be in 5 months when both are desperately clambering for voters. No, we're talking about in 20-30 years when teenagers growing up now and practically living on Twitter will be eligible to run for president.

(Future history lesson: a paternity test would later reveal that "PussyDestroyer" WAS in fact the father, because DNA evidence later supported his claim that he was "black but only frum teh waist dwn".)

So... that's pretty much what we have to look forward to in coming years.

At this point we'd normally give you some kind of conclusion. A summation maybe, or a final thought, or something we've learned. But the whole thing is so mind numbing and depressing that we ultimately just have one question: Anyone in Canada looking for some roommates?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Music: Paul Simon
Beer: Blue Moon Pils