Thursday, June 16, 2016

OMG UR teh Wurst Prezdnt Evar

Election season is upon us, which means that voter fraud is in the air, nauseating amounts of attack ads are filling the airwaves, and most of us are busy Googling things like, "What do I need to become a Canadian citizen?" It also means that the mud slinging has begun, resulting in something that looks a lot like this.

Yes, the Donald is flipping the famous double bird with his unnaturally tiny hands as a way of insulting the corpse in the pantsuit.

But for the first time ever, a lot of this middle fingering has become digital. Some of you may have already seen these, but recently Hillary Clinton tweeted this.

And Donald Trump in reply tweeted this.

First off, as much as we both can't stand Trump, he does seem to get the zinger in this exchange. But second, and more importantly, did you ever think that we'd live in an age where presidential candidates - one of whom might very well be the next president of the United States - would be talking shit to each other on Twitter?

It's such an amazingly low achievement of technology. I mean, imagine if this kind of digital outlet for smack talk was available when the good ol' US of A was first forming its roots.

(History lesson: Most people don't know that in addition to being Andrew Jackson's VP and serving as the eighth president of the United States, Martin Van Buren was also the original Wolverine).

But with Hillary and "the Donald", there's something you must understand. This is only the beginning. It surely can only get worse from here. And we're not just talking about how bad it'll be in 5 months when both are desperately clambering for voters. No, we're talking about in 20-30 years when teenagers growing up now and practically living on Twitter will be eligible to run for president.

(Future history lesson: a paternity test would later reveal that "PussyDestroyer" WAS in fact the father, because DNA evidence later supported his claim that he was "black but only frum teh waist dwn".)

So... that's pretty much what we have to look forward to in coming years.

At this point we'd normally give you some kind of conclusion. A summation maybe, or a final thought, or something we've learned. But the whole thing is so mind numbing and depressing that we ultimately just have one question: Anyone in Canada looking for some roommates?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,

Music: Paul Simon
Beer: Blue Moon Pils

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

#10 - Cheesy 80's Ending Nod

(New post coming tomorrow instead of today. Got too backed up with book stuff which is awesome because hey books)

P.S., to those who bought our awesome new book last week, you helped us get to #8 on the Amazon best seller list for Humor/Satire, so thank you, truly. Sitting up there with Vonnegut and surpassing Catch-22 is a damn fine honor for both of us. And to those who asked, paperback is now officially available (click this).

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter AKA an Adventure in Publishing

The day is finally upon us! After over a year of sitting on this gem, we finally get to release our masterpiece, Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter. And what an adventure it's been to get here.

See, when we started the project, we decided to go completely traditional with it. No more Indie publishing. No more holding grudges against our old agent for being useless. So we got ourselves another agent, who seemed excited about us and our writing, who had an amazing reputation. We left our baby in her hands, and... well, this comic might explain the process best.

This situation had two things in common with our very first agent - first, the agent did nothing but sit on their ass, and second, we fired said ass.

The industry itself wasn't any better. Our agent, in the span of six months, did manage to submit to two big publishers. We got two rejections. However, those rejections were so backhandedly complimentary, that we actually are using them as blurbs for the back of the book. We want to share each with you, as printed on the back cover.

First one.

If you're wondering what that means, it means that the industry is unwilling to take a chance on unique books. They'd much rather sell another Hunger Games clone (of which there's currently 9,000 in circulation) or another generic romance novel, which are both guaranteed to lazily gather sales, than take a chance on something new and creative that might or might not sell.

If that didn't sum it up well enough, check out our second blurb, uh we mean rejection.

Clearly we weren't thinking of the book clubs when we wrote this novel.

So if you want to read the novel that two Big Six publishing houses called "stellar" and "totally awesome", that one publisher actually raved about, that's so unique and hilarious that it won't appeal to Oprah's book club, we urge you to check out this novel. We personally think it's the best book we've ever written. And right now, for our blog friends, we're only charging $2.99 as a special, so act now before it gets re-listed at the normal price of $5.99.

Synopsis (and our cool new author pic, as seen on the back of the book):

So if you love what we do here and you enjoy our writing, please consider not just picking one up, but leaving us a review* on Amazon. Both of those things help us keep this blog running ad free, plus it's kind of our chosen career path.

*It truly can just be "This book was good." Four words. "Very good" if you feel like being generous and throwing in an extra.

Currently it's only available as an Ebook, but paperback format should be good to go in only a matter of days. As added incentive to any of our blog friends reading this now, if you buy a $2.99 Kindle version, and promise to leave us a review (honor system, bitches!), we'll send you an autographed paperback copy, free of charge (U.S. only, please. We love our friends in Australia, but we also don't have $50+ to mail you a book).

All you have to do is buy the Kindle version, forward us the receipt (, and then give us your address, and we'll mail you a chicken-scratched signed copy!

Click this sweet-as-hell cover to learn more and to buy the first book in a very hilariously badass series.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan

Beer: Diet Miller Lite Zero
Music: Van Hoolen's Canada
(Note: these items are both hilarious if you've read the book)