Hey guys. So we were planning to launch a Kickstarter some time in the near future to help fund the Indie movie we've been working on, but we've decided that we can't go through with it, not in good conscience. Not while movie stars like Zach Braff desperately need your money.
See, Zach Braff wants to make a follow up to his movie Garden State, and this poor, underappreciated millionaire actor/director launched a Kickstarter campaign a few days ago because he needs YOUR money to make this movie happen.
He's only asking for a measly 2 million dollars, and while he's already well over the 2 million dollar mark less than a week into it, he still needs more, and we think this hilarious starving artist deserves every penny.
You see guys, it's hard for someone like Zach to put out a film in Hollywood, where he's not at all established a name for himself yet.
Indie. You know, like our movie. Except his will have major actors, a gigantic corporate movie studio, and a multi-million dollar budget.
But the money isn't just for him. No, Zach Braff wants desperately to make a movie with his personal friend Jim Parsons, aka Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. But, you see, friends can't just make movies together for the sake of art and the love of the movie, like we (Brandon, Bryan, Gregg, and even our new friend Jeff from South of France) are doing. No, acting in a movie with your friends requires over seven digits of cold, hard cash.
And let's not forget, folks, Jim Parsons needs your help, too. Because as an extremely unpopular TV actor with no following whatsoever, he desperately needs the chance to work in a film.
And really, guys, Zach Braff said it himself.
Which you, as a peon, will have no direct control over. But by giving him money, you'll FEEL like you're helping to create a movie, just like you FEEL like you're stopping global warming when you donate $10 to that pushy Green Peace hippie outside the mall who just won't leave you the fuck alone.
And frankly, guys, it's a solid investment. With many Indie filmmakers asking for $10,000 to make an Indie film, would you rather help fund 200 Indie movies or help Zach Braff stay relevant?
So, let's make this happen for Zach Braff, alright? Forget the thousands of projects from other unknown, undiscovered, starving artists with hidden talent populating the bowels of Kickstarter. Let's all pitch in and help Zach Braff make "Garden State Part II" the defining film of this generation. Because God knows he can't do it without you.
And after you've given to Zach Braff, please consider giving your hard earned money to other celebrities on Kickstarter, like Thom Yorke, who's going to produce his new album through Kickstarter. Mr. Yorke, once known for selling his album at "name your own price, even if it's zero" has recently realized the error of his ways and set out instead to prove that people will pay for anything as long as a celebrity endorses it.
Cheers and stay classy, folks!
Beer: Can't afford it. We gave Zach Braff our last goddamn dime.
Music: Thom Yorke's Digestive Track(t)
*To those who entered last week's contest, the drawing will take place later today and winners will be announced Thursday... with cartoons. Stay tuned!