Social media is a great place to meet new people, catch up with old friends, or even sell yourself (not in THAT way, perv). It also can help portray who you are to the rest of the world, for better... or for worse. Because while social media can show everyone just how cool you are, it can also show them what a fucking goober you are.
Today we're going to help you not be an e-goober with these handy social media etiquette tips.
1. Taking pictures of yourself is great, but taking endless, blurry pictures of yourself as reflected in the bathroom mirror is lame, lazy, and kinda pathetic. First off, there's this great technology that's been around for years called "other people." What you do is you ask them if they'll take a picture of you. I know, it's a radical idea. Secondly, no matter how hard you flex those muscles or show off your new "piece," no one looks tough standing 3 feet away from their own crapper. No one.
Can you name everything wrong with this picture? Because I don't think we have enough time for that. However, this brings us to #2...
2. Leave the hashtags for Twitter only. No one likes the guy (or gal) who gets on something like Facebook or Google+ and then leaves a caption in ONLY hashtags. Real words can be cool, too. And more descriptive. Really! Plus, what the hell do half of them mean anyway? #WannaFightBro? Yeah, as posted by the guy who's only gotten in one fight in his entire life and it was with a girl. And it was a draw. Or #GiveItUp4God? Yeah, God loves when you honor him by taking a "sexy" picture in the shitter. Or #YOLO? Even without the hashtag that awful expression just needs to die. Just like the word 'Swag.'
Seriously, stop it.
3. Posting what you're thinking or feeling is part of the social media experience. So is sharing some of your favorite quotes. But people who try to come up with their own thought provoking quotes (and are far from thought provoking) just end up looking even dumber. Leave the philosophy to the philosophers, please.
I know, the wisdom of that little gem just blew your mind, didn't it? It made you want to get out of your computer chair, stop stuffing your fat face with Cheetos, and start living your life to the fullest, right?
We didn't think so.
4. Over-updating is the digital equivalent of the next door neighbor who is so annoyingly boorish that she makes you want to commit a murder-suicide just to get some peace and quiet. For example, unless you live the action-packed lifestyle of James Bond, if you find yourself posting more than ten status updates to Facebook daily you're undoubtedly the asshole all your friends make fun of behind your back. Why? Because nobody gives a shit what you ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Or how many times Little Timmy had to go pee-pee today and the status of what magical shapes his turds are making.
5. Taking pictures of your food is great, but stop trying to pass it off as artwork. It's not. See this?
This is a picture of a burrito. One that wasn't even handmade, mind you. It was ordered at Chipotle. Applying pre-made, automatic filters to this picture to make it look like it was taken 100 years ago does not qualify it as art. It just makes it a very douchey picture of a $6 burrito.
|One day this will be hanging in a museum, right?|
In short, if you must use social media, you should really learn how. I mean, it's pretty simple. You're either here to look at porn, watch cat videos, sell your terrible homemade products, stalk that barista from Starbucks, or badmouth celebrities, artists, and movies. You can do any and all of those (even at the same time) without annoying the rest of us with your e-gooberness.
What other etiquette rules did we leave out? (Yes, we know there's probably a ton)
Cheers and stay classy, friends