Regardless, a lot of shit happened in 2011. Important stuff, I'm told. But if you're like the two of us and you drank yourself through most of 2011, you don't remember any of it, so you need some bullshit timeline to remind you of this year's major events.
Never fear! Here at A Beer for the Shower, we've put together a (very poorly made) timeline of the things that you may or may not remember happening in 2011*.
*Not guaranteed to be accurate
1. According to statistics, Jersey Shore killed off a record number 8 million brain cells this year, besting last year's 6 million brain cells killed, probably as a result of Snooki releasing her "book," A Shore Thing.
Also, a record number of venereal diseases were spread throughout the Jersey Shore area, once again as a direct result of Snooki.
|Remember kids, always play safe and wear insulated rubber gloves when you fist a whorish, orange "celebrity."|
2. A bunch of rich people spat on us poor folks from atop a 1% mountain, made entirely of money...
So the poor people got sick of it. They united as one, valiantly took to the streets, and... looked like a bunch of homeless people yelling unintelligibly at police officers until they were tasered or pepper sprayed.
Meet the protesters!
Yeah... the rich people atop Mt. Money are still chuckling about this one.
3. Kim Jong Il rumored to have faked his own death after my father-in-law, who looks exactly like him, is spotted living quietly in Las Vegas.
|My father-in-law would be proud of this joke, and yes, he could be Kim Jong Il's not-dead twin.|
4. Bigfoot was spotted by local hunters relocating from Los Angeles to Dallas.
5. The world didn’t end.
Despite the dumbfuckery of doomsaying dickweed Harold Camping, the biblical rapture did not arrive on schedule.
As many as a dozen people the world around were left in shocked disbelief when the mathe-religio-matical nitwit failed to predict the end of days.
6. Osama Bin Laden takes the big dirt…Er, sand-nap.
Yes, folks. The world record-setting game of desert Whack-a-Mole ended in 2011, with the US military crashing a terrorist soiree like cops at a frathouse kegger. That is, if cops drove helicopters. And crashed them. And killed terrorists. Which they typically don’t.*
*Except in Detroit, which is probably at least as dangerous as Afghanistan. I went to Detroit once. Once.
Which basically means that every few days, lewd and foul things are done with MSPaint as the depraved duo publicly tries to make one another laugh. Since last year, this blog has switched from written-only content to about 75% web-comic. Whether it’s been a change for better or worse is up to you. But as for me, I rather enjoy having a nice pair of gorilla tits.
Cheers and a Happy New Year to all of you who take the time to read us. We appreciate it. And we’re glad you could make it to the party. But next time, please, bring better beer. And don’t shit on my azaleas.
Beer: La Fin Du Monde
Music: Avenged Sevenfold