Hello, peoples of the Internet. We’re Brandon and Bryan, a pair of guys that have known each other for way too long. We like to write things together. Fucked up things. Fucked up things that make us laugh.
First and foremost, we're writers. So far we've co-written a total of 4 novels and 2 novellas that have all gotten many awesome reviews from people who are not our mothers. We're even represented by an awesome agent who's secretly Iron Man. But we also have a very ridiculous hobby. We like blogging about stupid things and illustrating those stupid things with fucked up comics. About four years ago we started putting these up for the Internet to enjoy, and to our surprise, people started laughing with us (or at us).
So if you’ve never heard of us or been to our site before, or are just curious to know how we got to be like this, then we figure we owe you an explanation. You see, to understand this website, first you have to understand us.
For example, Brandon is the type of guy who's not afraid to tell off door to door salesmen. Or junkies. In his neighborhood, those are often one in the same.
And Bryan's the kind of guy who doesn't let small children win at board games out of pity.
Now mind you, we weren't always this way. No, once upon a time we were just innocent little five year olds, put together in the same catechism class. If you're not familiar, catechism is like Catholic school, except it's at night after your regular school, when all of the other kids are playing video games or running around having fun. This is because five years old is the perfect age to teach a tiny person with a permanent sugar rush about such things as philosophy and the mysteries of the universe.
The two of us met while being taught catechism by a man we called Father Hitler, because he was a square-headed, no-nonsense German priest with a mustache as small as his patience for children. Especially us.
This is where we first learned the value of doodling in notebooks. And of laughing at horrible, off-color things. And of saying whatever we thought. Twenty five years later, and not much has changed.
So as you read over this site, if you find yourself wanting someone to blame for our outlandish opinions, our brutal honesty, and our twisted sense of humor, then please, don't blame us. Blame Father Hitler. This website was almost entirely his fault.
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