Monday, November 6, 2017

#35 - Thirty Four

This week, bodily, I turn 34. Mentally? I'm still not sure I've reached double digits.


111 comments:

  1. At least you can still do grown up things and fake it. Maybe that should be your quest, to find someone who is sure you've reached double digits. Would such a quest negate the whole thing though?

    Hope you have a Happy Bodily Birthday.

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    1. That's not a quest I want to undertake. Unless it involves styrofoam swords and Nerf blasters and conquering Demogorgons, in which I'm pretty sure that negates the intended result.

      Delete
  2. Happy birthday! You're still young. Body and spirit. I think that's about the time I stopped wanting to celebrate birthdays...

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    1. Thanks! And yep, you nailed it. I don't want a birthday party this year. Unless there's a bouncy castle. But spoiler alert, there's never a bouncy castle.

      Delete
  3. Happy birthday! I didn't know you where do young!

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    1. Thanks! Not being able to grow facial hair, being naturally thin, and having a baby face means that I can look forward to aging into a wrinkly teenager. Or, basically, this.

      [im]https://pics.me.me/how-old-are-you-i-dont-know-between-5-and-9673300.png[/im]

      Delete
    2. Was about to comment but saw this. Ew ew ew!!! Anyway, I’m with you; not 34, but mental maturity... But I have facial hair.

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    3. Hey now, if I let my facial hair grow out and got a $5 Supercuts haircut, I might very well look like that. Let's not be so quick to throw around 'ew'.

      Actually, no, ew. This is why I'm picky about my grooming.

      Delete
    4. Same as what Mitchell said...what the???

      Delete
    5. At least I'll never be bald. I could be this guy... or gal...?

      [im]https://pics.me.me/u-seem-chill-how-old-are-you-idk-between-15-23468954.png[/im]

      Delete
  4. Happy birthday. I hate to break this to you, but I don't think I've grown up any since I turned 34, a few years back now. Barring something unforeseen, I'm afraid this might be it for you, long-term.

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    1. Thanks! You act like that's bad news. It's only bad news if I have to grow up. But if I've made it this far, I'm pretty sure I can hold out another 50-60 years.

      Delete
  5. Happy Birthday! November is my birthday month, too. Two Scorpios on the same blog... scary :)

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    1. Thanks! Birthday month? Oh God, I don't have to celebrate getting older for a whole month, do I? One full day is already way too much recognition for simply not dying.

      Delete
  6. I'm 83. I wish I could remember 34. I wish I could remember anything!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. More and more I walk into a room and forget why I'm there. Pretty soon I'm just going to walk into a room and forget who I am.

      Delete
  7. Happy Birthday! And don't listen to that cake. I ate his family like a year ago.

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    1. That's good, then. He's finally reunited with his family. In hell.

      (They were all very terrible cakes)

      Delete
  8. Happy Birthday. Stay young! Old sucks.

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    1. Thanks! I'll do my best. I plucked out a white hair this morning and yelled NO loudly at my clock, so hopefully that's enough to stay young for another year.

      Delete
  9. Oh to be 34 and immature again. Yeah, alright: to be 34 again. But like Fishducky, I don't even remember 34. It must've been a good one. The thirties are best. Have a great birthday week, Bryan!

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    1. Thanks! So far my thirties are treating me well, but I also don't remember a lot about the past few years, so maybe ignorance is bliss.

      Delete
  10. Well, why *was* it created to feel pain? Who baked that monstrosity, and what kind of bio-engineer wunderkind are they? That's insanely impressive.

    Happy birthday friend! 34 already? I never really realized you guys are a good ten years older than me. Makes me feel young all over again, thank you. (^:

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    1. In my mind, my wife made it (she's the baker around here), so not only did she bake a sentient cake, but she purposefully baked it to feel pain.

      The fact that I'm stating this with pride probably tells you a lot about me as a person and about my marriage.

      And I've never forgotten that we've got a decade on you. Makes it all the more fun to start rambling stories with, "Well, junior, back in my day..."

      Delete
  11. B:
    Congrats on making to nearly HALF my age...lol.
    (had to THINK hard on what life was like for me at that age...been a while since the 80s were here)
    BTW, don't worry, it does get worse from an aging standpoint.
    (and if life begins at 40, then I'm ONLY 25 yrs old...HA!)
    --Fortunately, you got that marvelous Hobbit-like countenance (a good thing), and that WILL continue to get you carded at bars and such until you're damn near FIFTY.
    (Been there in lifetimes past)...!
    ---Have a slice for me today...and never count the gray hair (believe me on that one - you'll never stop)...heh.

    Stay safe (and party on) out there, boss.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! It HAS been a while since the 80s were here, which makes me feel ancient in my own way.

      Life begins at 40? Awesome! I look forward to the next 6 years of pre-living.

      Delete
  12. You're younger than my son. He hasn't grown up in the least.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. It doesn't sound like you've done much growing up, either.

      No wonder we get along so well.

      Delete
    2. Iiiiii will never grow up, never grow up, never grow up.

      Delete
  13. Happy Birthday, you young whippersnapper! See, my own old age is showing.

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    1. Thanks! I'm gonna shut off this cassette player, rotary telephone all of my friends and ask them over to the house, and then you can tell us all what it was like to walk to school barefoot back in your day (both ways uphill).

      Delete
  14. Birthdays rock unless people are throwing rocks at us on our birthday, we don't like that, we like presents (not rocks) and cake (not rock cakes) and to feel loved and appreciated

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    1. Hmmm, what about a cake just made to look like rocks? Is that acceptable?

      [im]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PByJMQrp-Ds/UZwuxjk2sMI/AAAAAAAAKZ4/CQsItFx6uVI/s1600/Holly%27s+fudge+rock+cake+.jpg[/im]

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  15. I'm over 60 and my thoughts are no more mature than yours. Take comfort in the fact that your ideas are not likely to change much as you age. Oh, you'll get more cynical and bitter, that's just part of the territory, but you'll still be the same goofy weirdo we all know and love. Happy birthday!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. A cynical, goofy weirdo. Yep, that sounds like me, alright. Good to know that won't change in 30 more years! Thanks!

      Delete
  16. Here's what I think of getting older:

    [im]https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000635403096/ca6ea68592089e5196ded42146526eca_400x400.jpeg[/im]

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. [im]https://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Archie+bunker_f0d331_4975547.gif[/im]

      Delete
  17. OMG! That was awesome! Happy Birthday! 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰 for everyone!

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    1. Thanks! But... cake for EVERYONE? I'm not sure if you know how many people visit this blog, but I don't know if that tiny cake can accommodate a few thousand people.

      ...Time to go hunt that cake's family down. Every last one of them. His mistake was pointing out they existed.

      Delete
  18. Happy Birthday dude. Enjoy your youth while it lasts because once its gone the babes don't chase you nomore, haha. Thats what age does to you. It sucks but hey at least we'll love you when your old and the babes run the other way.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wait, but what if I get really rich? Then the babes will come right back.

      Not that I need babes at that age. Or any age, really. My wife's the only babe I need (I'm not being sweet help she has a knife to my head it's like she could physically sense you talking about women).

      Delete
  19. Happy Birthday! I think 34 was my first year of divorce... yeah, coulda been a better year...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! I'm... hoping for not that this year. Pretty much anything but that. Fingers crossed!

      Delete
  20. Oh, I had one of those thoughts the other day.
    My wife told me to quit having them.

    hAppY daY!

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    1. That's unfortunate. Your wife should support your delusional, childish thoughts. What therapists call 'enabling' I prefer to call 'being supportive'.

      Delete
  21. Happy happy birthday!!!!!!!!!
    (I celebrated my birthday too this weekend! With cake pops and lots of drinking. God, hangovers hurt when you're old.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! And hangovers? What are those?

      -young of heart, young of stomach, and young of liver

      Delete
  22. Have you seen the movie Sausage Party? It's incredibly obscene, but this comic reminds me of it.

    The basic premise it that our food is alive, but we can't see it. It shows how much they suffer at the hands of us horrible people who eat them.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I have not. Hopefully I didn't just steal their entire movie and turn it into my own crappy mini comic, because if so that wasn't my intention.

      No one wants to be the Carlos Mencia of comic strips.

      Delete
  23. You having a birthday? Again? Really? I thought you just had one. Well, better make it a good one, never can tell what the author has in store for us.

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    1. I know, I just had one last year, but apparently my birthday came early this year, all the way in November. I'm aiming to have a good one, but if not, I'll take an okay birthday. That's good, too. Or I guess okay.

      Delete
  24. Happy Day that you were pushed out of the womb probably accelerated by western medicine so you could one day stand in a twenty minute line at Walmart twelve minutes before midnight and wonder why they hell are there only two lanes open. But don't let this distract you from the fact that Atlanta Falcons blew a 28-3 lead in the Superbowl

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks, friend! I know I'll be celebrating knowing that millions of years of selective breeding has led me to be alive at the same time that we discovered Mario has nipples.

      [im]https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iJQ-_7Kqnl4/Wb-zOJJcwcI/AAAAAAAAB5E/cXMPBOa8utwswfyzUh4ym8tWgqcXWw-qQCLcBGAs/s320/mario_4878_800x530.png[/im]

      Delete
  25. You had me at...cake. Gee, if I switch my age around that would make me a year older than you. Ughhh, just eat more cake and don’t bitch about your age.

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    1. No bitching here. I enjoy being older. People respect me more... for some reason. I get called "sir" without anyone having to add "we need to ask you to leave."

      Delete
  26. Happy birthday! And the sentient cake is nothing a quick game of laser tag can't fix...

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    1. Thanks! And yes, absolutely. Though if anything, I'm only more competitive against small children now that I'm older.

      [im]https://i.pinimg.com/736x/65/bd/fb/65bdfbe22e6343413322ae5be09e5340--laser-tag-ender.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Obviously. You can't let the little bastards get the upper hand.

      Delete
  27. Happy Birthday to you,
    Squashed tomatoes and stew,
    Bread and Butter in the gutter,
    Happy Birthday to you.

    If I had your email address I would send you an ecard.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I don't know if an ecard could top that poem, though. You're welcome to send one, though. My e-mail is bryan at abeerfortheshower dot com and my actual birthday is Thursday.

      Until then, I'm just a 33 year old child and this post is practically a lie.

      Delete
  28. Happy Birthday!!!

    Some men never really grow up. I can't take my husband to the grocery store without him responding to all the phallic symbols in the produce department. Sigh. He is the toughest of my children to control.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! And if anything, I think one of the main reasons I haven't had kids is because my wife is still busy trying to raise me.

      It's hard out there for a married single mother.

      Delete
  29. 34 is great. I think it's at 35 that everything starts to go downhill. Physically, that is. And I think men reach emotional maturity at around age 7 or 8 and then they stay there for the next 9 decades. Have a good one.

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    1. Ha, thanks! And you're giving me a lot of credit there, because I've met some very sophisticated 8 year olds. Compared to me, anyway.

      Delete
  30. Would you rather have it that way or the other way around?

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    1. "After decades of eating cakes with reckless abandon, it seemed only fitting that Bryan's life came to an end when he fell into a bakery enclosure and was eaten by a wild red velvet cake."

      -my obituary

      Delete
    2. Oh, I meant would you prefer to have the body of an 8 year old and the mind of a 34 year old. But this is funnier.

      Delete
    3. Ha! See, this is my idiot imagination doing what it does best.

      Delete
    4. *snort laugh*
      *birthday wish for imagination* (It's not my birthday.)

      Delete
  31. When someone asks me what I'm thinking, I never know what to say. Do cans of worms make a soft but audible hiss when you pop one open?

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    1. It's not as loud as a can of whoop ass, but it's still audible enough to get some nasty glares in the middle of a funeral.

      Delete
  32. Happy Birthday! With that said, I think you need a break from your imagination. lol

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    1. Thanks! And maybe my imagination just needs a break from me (I'm the weird one, after all).

      Delete
  33. I’ll never look at cake in the same way again.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just remember that the next time the cake stares back at you.

      Delete
  34. Keeping young at heart is a skill, but I remember talking at work one day and saying I had three kids - my two daughters and the husband. . .unintentionally of course. Hope your birthday was great!

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    1. Thanks! So far it's alright. I mean, it's only been the first few hours, but it's alright (my actual birthday is today).

      And that may have been a slip of the tongue, but I bet you weren't quick to correct yourself, either. I know my wife wouldn't.

      Delete
  35. Happy Birthday, Bryan! Thanks for making me feel insanely old! On the inside I feel really young, but then I look in the mirror and I'm like, "Who the hell is that?" It's no wonder I spend so much money getting my hair highlighted. Gotta hide those pesky grays!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I see little gray hairs coming in every once in a while. I yank one out, and two more grow back. I'm thinking this is a losing battle.

      Thanks!

      Delete
    2. Oh, it is. Wait until they show up in your eyebrows. What the??

      Delete
  36. I hope you had a great birthday man, although I think turning 34 means that you're now obligated to post lewd pictures of yourself. It is the 34th rule of the internet after all.

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    1. Coincidentally, I can give you exactly 34 reasons why no one on the Internet wants to see me being lewd.

      However, with that said, "Dudes Gone Lewd" would make for an incredible website name.

      Delete
  37. As long as you can pay bills, who says you have to hang out with the old people. (lol) Happy Belated Birthday! I hope it was as special as you are! You're now the same age as my son. Hugs...RO

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I don't have to hang out with the old people... I AM the old people now. Thanks!

      Delete
  38. [im]https://media0.giphy.com/media/26FPIV12CYbDSVIR2/giphy.gif[/im]
    My nearly 80 year old dad still laughs at farts. That gives me a measure of comfort.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Dammit. My gif thing didn't work.
      [im]https://i.imgflip.com/13n244.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Actually, that gif did work, and it's awesome, but thanks for ruining the dancing zebra with a diarrhea cake. I wasn't hungry, anyway.

      Delete
  39. I remember 34.
    My geography was good, job so-so, romantic life nil.
    Sounds like you're doing great with it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My geography: good. Romantic life: great. Job: ...At least I have a romantic life.

      2 out of 3 - not bad!

      Delete
  40. I believe I was pregnant when I was 34. I'm guessing you're not, because we would have read about it in the news . . .

    My OCD tendencies (which never work for a clean house, by the way, and how much does that suck?) are bothered by the fact that you didn't time your birthday better to coincide with your #34 post instead of #35. Way to blow it. I think that's what getting older gets you.

    But hey, happy birthday anyway! I'm rooting for you to be doing this again this time next year!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLIOc4MIetk

      Delete
    2. I might be pregnant. Or it might just be all this cake I've had. Have Beaverotti pass me another piece when he's done malfunctioning, yeah? I only get this kind of treatment once a year. LET ME HAVE THIS!

      And I tried timing my birthday better, but this time machine of mine has proven to be highly inaccurate. Also, it may just be a cardboard box with the words 'TIME MACHINE' scribbled on the side in crayon.

      Delete
    3. Huh. Cardboard boxes are usually so reliable, too. Oh, well. Enjoy what's left of your birthday week!

      Delete
  41. Aw, you're still a baby! I hope you had a wonderful birthday. I tried to comment last week but this box disappeared. Or maybe I'm just losing it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe my blog was just passive aggressively getting revenge for me not being able to comment over on yours. Or you're just crazy.

      No judgment. I lost my mind a long time ago. At this point I even stopped looking for it. Madness fuels creativity.

      Delete
  42. Happy belated birthday! It's good to have immature thoughts on your birthday, especially since 34 is the new 14. I think 60 is the new 40, and the older we get the more crazy things we keep telling each other. I'm still in my 50s, but I've been getting a senior discount since my mid-forties, so there are some advantages.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks, Julie! On one hand, I dread getting older, but on the other hand, I wonder how much more salt and pepper I have to get in my hair before I can qualify for the senior discount without anyone wanting to ask for an ID.

      Delete
  43. LOL! A late happy birthday! I picked the book for book club this last month, and it was only at the meeting that I realized I'm forever 16 or 17...while many of the women there were DEFINITELY their actual age. Oops. People who are young at heart live longer. *high five*

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! My favorite part of book club is the part where you fight each other bare handed, because sometimes the physical pain in your bleeding, broken knuckles is all that can help you remember what it's like to feel something.

      I think my book club may have actually devolved into a fight club.

      Delete
  44. I'm way past you body wise, but otherwise it sounds like we could be mental peers.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    Replies
    1. This is why we're pals, Lee. Highbrow ain't welcome around here, unless I can wash it all down with a little lowbrow to get the taste out of my mouth*.

      *that's what she said

      Delete
  45. Happy birthday dude 🎂
    I think I'm regressing in age now, as I get older people seem to accept the fact more. Enjoy yourself and have an extra beer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I already had plenty of birthday beers, but since you commanded it, I'll have more (I'm regressing in age, too).

      Delete