Monday, July 10, 2017

It's a Bouncing Baby Boy



His name is Jackson. He came into this world July 5th. Brandon's too busy to respond to comments now, but I'll send any and all warm wishes his way.

~Bryan


118 comments:

  1. Big congratulations to Brandon and his wife! Although I hope their don's nickname won't be Flubber.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He has a small amount of Mexican in him, so the clear nickname choice is Mexican Jumping Bean.

      Delete
  2. I've been trying to convince someone to name their child Perplexor, so please run that name by Brandon.

    I also like the names "Gabble Ratchet" and "Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan" but I'd be happy with Perplexor.

    We can make this happen.

    Oh, and congratulations to Brandon and his wife... and baby Perplexor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know about that. Brandon once dated a troll in college named Perplexor, and she stomped our village into jelly, and now that name's just kind of been ruined for him.

      Delete
  3. Brandon:
    Congrats to you and Wifey on your new arrival.
    Now, the REAL work begins...good luck there. You're both gonna need it.
    I can't wait to see when Jackson starts writing copy for your blog...that should be fun.
    (or perhaps he'll become an illustrator?)
    The choices are endless (kinda like the way the diapers fill up).

    Stay safe (and classy like a brand new Daddy) out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought of it that way. Maybe this is just the really long-winded way of getting someone else to draw all of these damn cartoons for us. Free labor - the best kind!

      Delete
  4. I do wish you the heartiest of congratulations Brandon and your wife of course. I am delighted for you both. He won't be a cartoonist at all, probably end up as a lawyer or even a President.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many thanks! And I mean, a lawyer and/or president would be alright, but why not shoot for the stars? Like being an astronaut. Or a cartoonist. Or an astronaut cartoonist.

      (We're just justifying our existence. Don't mind us)

      Delete
  5. Congrats to Brando and his wife on a very bouncy baby boy. He was born on what would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. Even though the marriage bounced right out the window, the day was beautiful and am still friends with the ex. Now comes the fun part of sleepless nights, diaper changing, costs going up...but lots of love:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a moment, I read the part about sleepless nights and diaper changing as an extension of what you were saying about your ex, which makes the whole thing hilarious. No wonder that marriage bounced out the window!

      Delete
  6. Congrats Brandon and family. Enjoy the little bean

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm bored of him. He doesn't do much. You want a slightly used baby?

      (Kidding, KIDDING)

      Delete
  7. Good luck! And of course well wishes!

    ReplyDelete
  8. A big congratulations to Brandon and his wife! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But mostly to Mrs. Brandon, because let's be honest, she did like 99% of the work.

      Delete
  9. Aaaaaa, it finally happened! And it's not a taco, but I bet fresh flesh is just as tasty!
    In all seriousness, congratulations on that beautiful boy! May he grow up to be as big and strong as he desires, as long as that comes with a good taste in beer.

    Enjoy the sleepness nights, my friend. (^:
    [im]http://i.imgur.com/MwyJ5vt.png[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I'm going to frame that.

      Jackson: Dad, what is this?
      This is your first baby picture.
      ...Don't ask.

      Delete
  10. Aww congratulations to you both. I hope you both can function on very little sleep...bwahahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brandon sleeps the least of any human being I've ever met, and gets up every morning at 4-5 willingly, so... no real change for him, I'm assuming?

      Delete
  11. Congratulations Mr & Mrs Brandon. Enjoy every minute, before you know it they're 21 and still leeching money out of you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheers to never having spending money again! Well, until you're too old to properly enjoy it...

      Delete
  12. Big congrats to Brandon and Mrs. Brandon. Maybe with all the bouncing he could be the next Gummi Bear. Bouncing here and there and everywhere. Disney $$$$ Royalties!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, and your latest addition was Gemma, his Jackson, do I sense a pattern here?

      Delete
    2. Oh man, blast from the past! I wonder how much crack they were smoking when they came up with that show idea?

      "So they're like talking gummy bears, right? But they're in medieval times. And it's gummy with an I, because that's funner."

      (And yet still better than most Disney cartoons they put out today)

      Delete
    3. Oh, and that's hilarious. I didn't even think of that. I guess you only have to start worrying if I name my next pair of cats Tig and Chibs.

      Delete
    4. Yep, way better than most Disney shows today. But that doesn't take much. Or Opie. Will have quite the clan lol

      Delete
    5. If I ever get a Great Dane, there is a 100% chance his name will be Opie.

      Delete
    6. You may need a bigger house or a barn.

      Oh and to add to your crack trip:

      "And let's teach kids that they can skip the hard work and get strong by juicing. We'll call it Gummiberry Juice. Has a flavorable vibe to it."

      Delete
  13. Wonderful news, and happy for Brandon and his family. Enjoy it all, and if he needs help baby sitting you can count....ha kidding!

    Is this a game changer as per you and Brandon's routine?
    Best wishes to you guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can barely take care of myself. If anything, I might hire the baby to babysit me.

      This definitely changes things up, but nothing we can't handle.

      Delete
  14. Congratulations, Brandon!!! Welcome to the world, Jackson!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! - Brandon, I assume
      Yeah, thanks! - Jackson, if he could talk, also assumed

      Delete
  15. Welcome to the world, Jackson! And congrats to the happy parents!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here's to hoping they ARE still happy parents, after the warm fuzzies wear off and they're shuffling to the baby room at 2 am to change a messy diaper.

      Delete
  16. Congrats!!! Being a parent is probably the coolest think I have going for me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you saying I'm uncool, then?

      ...Because yeah, that totally sounds like me.

      Delete
  17. What a fun, thoughtful way to make the big announcement. It really doesn't make sense to describe a newborn baby as "bouncy," does it? I hate to think of the origins of that expression. There must've been lost of precariously opened windows back in the day.

    Precious photo.

    Heartfelt CONGRATULATIONS and all good things to Brandon, Mrs. Brandon, Jackson, Uncle Bryan, and Auntie Mrs. Bryan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that was the system they used to see whether a baby was a boy or a girl. Just drop them and see if they bounce.

      Either it was a girl, or it was a defective boy (since babies can't bounce).

      I never said it was a GOOD system.

      Delete
  18. Congrats on the new boy

    is it bad when one of my brothers knew he was going to have his first, my other brother said "is it yours?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is definitely Brandon's baby. Looks just like him.

      As for whether Mrs. Brandon is the mother or not, we're still waiting for the maternity test to clear. We're optimistic, though.

      Delete
  19. Congrats on Jackson! A great name, one of Laurie's nieces named her first boy Jackson. And you really got to watch that bouncing stuff. My sister according to legend got bounced against the ceiling and was never right afterwards. As this happened long before I came around, it's safe to say that, while I can't prove the bounce, I never knew her to be quite right...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huh, that's weird, because we've been playing basketball with Jackson all day long and he seems fine.

      Delete
  20. Congratulations. A precious baby boy. I have two, they are awesome...once you get past the sleepless nights and get used to the poop.
    Sending love and best wishes to Brandon and Mrs Brandon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm quite certain that they both thank you heartily... from within a mountain of poop.

      Delete
  21. CONGRATULATIONS...life as you know it is over (in a good way).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds so ominous. I'll be sure to pass that along. "Your life has now ended... but in a positive way."

      Delete
  22. AWWW congrats!!!!

    Seems a lot of work, though. Have you thought this through?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure they have. Most days I can hardly take care of my cats and dogs, and they don't even need diapers.

      Delete
  23. Congrats, Brandon. It takes a special kind of parent to name his kid after a $20 bill.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We considered Tubman but it just really didn't roll off the tongue.

      Delete
    2. Tubman would only work if you made the boy your butler. Then people might mistake you for English upper classmen.

      "Oh Tubman, do fetch another round of toddies for us..."

      Delete
    3. If I had known I could make my kid my butler, or by extension make many kids into a small army of manservants, I would have gotten on this a LOT sooner.

      Delete
  24. How awesome! Congratulations. Now the fun begins... things will NEVER be the same again... but they'll be fabulous. A tad sleep-deprived, but fabulous.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm. Everyone makes sleep deprivation and projectile poop sound like it's a good thing, but I'm still not seeing it.

      Delete
  25. Aw! Congratulations to Brandon and his wife! And that kid could totally win a life-size game of pinball*.

    *(Patent pending)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a cool idea! I bet he'd make such fun* noises every time he hit a bumper.

      *horrifying, blood-curdling

      Delete
  26. Congratulations, Brandon. Its the coolest thing having a Superhero, you'll have to go fishing for a sidekick next.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, I thought the kid was the sidekick? I mean, if you think the baby is driving the motorcycle and Brandon is going to be in the sidecar... wait, actually, that would be greatly amusing. I'd allow it.

      Delete
  27. What exciting and wonderful news! It's wonderful to see another addition to the Beer Group. He will be loved by us all! Hugs...RO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we used to have a few trolls lurking around here that wouldn't love him, but otherwise, 99.5% ain't bad.

      Delete
  28. Yuge, bigly congratulations to MR. & MRS. OTHER B!

    I'm sorry it had to be ME, but SOMEONE needed to do this:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QN6p66AtDc

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After hearing that song, Jackson tore his own ears off and then crawled right back up into the womb.

      Delete
  29. I'm not even going to try and think of something smart to say. Except congrats and love the little boy like there's no tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very good advice. Much better than my advice: "Don't put him in the washing machine, even if it looks like a really fun baby jail."

      Delete
  30. Congratulations to the new parents. Tell them that milk spoils, meat spoils, but babies don't spoil so they should hold their Mexican Jumping Bean as much as they want before he starts bouncing around the house on his own.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You say that babies don't spoil, but all of this frostbitten baby meat in my freezer seems to say otherwise.

      (Yes, I know I'm going to hell for that joke. Worth it)

      Delete
    2. Then I'll see you there because I laughed.

      Delete
    3. Baby: the other other white meat.

      Delete
    4. Well, unless the baby is black. Maybe?

      Delete
  31. Congratulations to Brandon and his wife!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure they would thank you kindly if they could open their eyes wide enough to read this (sleep deprivation).

      Delete
  32. Heartfelt Congrats to Brandon and his wife! Welcome to this crazy world little one <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After hearing about the current state of this crazy world, the little one has politely asked for a refund.

      Delete
  33. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! CONGRATULATIONS!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd like to imagine you doing this while saying that. OMG even phonetically sounds like Hercules.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxYQQoYfMtQ

      Delete
  34. Congratulations! I don't have children, and I don't know why I just told you that. But give the guy a big awkward smile courtesy of the internet stranger, Chiz.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, he'll be getting plenty of awkward smiles from his childless, out of touch Uncle Bryan, worry you not.

      Delete
  35. I'm glad Brandon made a biological replacement. Since Mrs. Brandon did all the work she deserves a big congratulations, but I'm glad Brandon has a kid to teach. Does Jackson have a beard yet?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right now his baby beard is coming in. In a few short years that'll shed and be replaced with his adult beard. Based on genetics, I'm surprised he wasn't born with a 5'o clock shadow.

      Delete
  36. Many congratulations! I'm glad people like them are reproducing. Good job!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, between the two of us we have an average of 0.5 children, while your average idiot shits out like 10 at a time, so... not really much in the way of catching up, is it?

      Delete
  37. CONGRAAAAAAAATS!!!!!!!!! And welcome to the world of truly horrific bodily functions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I figure it's only truly horrific if Junior is still shitting himself when he's, say, 13.

      Delete
  38. WOO HOOOOOO! Congratulations all around! Boys are definitely easier to start with. Don't ask me why, but everyone I know with boys and girls agrees with me. But heck, babies are just a blast anyway, so have a bunch of them and enjoy yourself, once you're actually aware of your humanity again . . . sleep deprivation is indescribable but thank goodness the babies are worth it. Big hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, I still don't really feel like I'm convinced.

      -guy who just barely managed to start taking care of cats and houseplants

      (Will pass along the love, though)

      Delete
    2. I wouldn't be too rough on myself if I were you. To be fair, cats and houseplants are takers. Pfft. What has that cat done for you lately except maybe offer a dead rabbit on your doorstep? AAAAAANNNNDDDD I'll bet the cat doesn't even bounce. Not properly, anyway.

      Delete
    3. 1) My cat is more photogenic than 99% of people I know. Supermodels included.
      2) She's too dumb to kill anything.
      3) She's scientifically proven to lower my blood pressure.
      4) She's soft and purdy (imagine Lenny saying that)
      5) This.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/gxLB7ii.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  39. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Brandon! And I hope Mrs Brandon forgives you for the cartoon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! If it weren't for forgiveness, neither of us would be married.

      Delete
  40. A big congratulations to Brandon and his wife! Such a cute bouncing baby boy! (I'd lay off feeding him a bottle of beer, though. Give it a few more years.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't it whiskey that's supposed to help teething? Or is that just a cure for a broken heart? I'm not so good with my medicinal liquor.

      Delete
  41. Congrats on the sex Brandon. That's one proud papa. Nah but seriously congrats. I'm sure he'll grow up just fine having such a kick-ass dad and his uncle Bryan around.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The great thing about kids is that if you fail with the first one, you can just keep having them until you get it right. The first four are failures, but the fifth time's a charm!

      Kidding!...maybe.

      Delete
  42. Congratulations to the new family, may your lives be filled with joy!Just think he was born on Wednesday, hump day. May life be kind to him, I see a future filled with laughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're hoping for a kind life. If not, then rich is good, too. Thanks for the well wishes!

      Delete
  43. WooHoo!
    Now there's a life-changing moment.
    Was flubber somehow involved?

    And, you know, best of luck and all of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You see, when a mad scientist mommy and daddy are in love, they get out their chemistry set, and then the daddy pulls out his test tube, and...

      Delete
  44. I'm obviously way late here, but a hearty congratulations. My only advice is to out the new diaper under the old diaper before you start changing. That way, when you remove the old diaper, you have the backup in place when Jackson starts strategically peeing all over you ... and rocketing poop across the room. This is an artist's rendering:
    [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/2c/1e/cf/2c1ecf83d24d96bb918e3b9183b01fc2.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's like a penguin Spiderman. I wonder if he can use that to swing from iceberg to iceberg?

      That whole scenario sounds fantastic. I can't believe I don't get the privilege of experiencing that.

      -the guy who doesn't have kids

      Delete
  45. Congratulations to Brandon, although the kid's probably in college now by the time I leave this comment. Oh well, better Nate than lever, as the saying goes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dad would have loved this comment, had he lived to see it.

      -Jackson, aged 57

      Delete
  46. Ahhhhh, I remember fondly the day my son was born oh-so-many years ago.
    And how he "shotgunned" me when I bent down to get a diaper (yeah, I was eye level with it).
    I hope to eventually return the favor.
    Congratulations to all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lesson learned. Never change your baby without proper shielding.

      [im]https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/31C42jAGjkL._SY355_.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  47. Bryan, your garden picture is in progress. But I have a picture finished for Brandon in honour of the new baby. Email me an address and I'll send both when the garden is done! iworshipzoot [at] hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, is it a portrait of the baby?

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/MwyJ5vt.png[/im]

      Delete
  48. Aw... a Baby Beer for the Shower!
    Congrats, only because this was a desired event. ;-)

    I am so baby-uncool, that I forgot whether it was a boy or girl before I got to the last panel. Or maybe my beer is kicking in...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Babies all look alike for the first year or so, so it's all good. It's just an amorphous blob of flesh that cries and poops a lot. I'll make sure and draw him wearing blue for the near future. That seems to help.

      Delete
  49. Oh my gosh! Congratulations to Brandon and his wife! How awesome. Bryan, you are going to make an excellent Fruncle. Friend + Uncle. Yay!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A fruncle sounds like something you surgically remove from your foot.

      ...I've been called worse.

      Delete
  50. Congratulations to the new mommy and daddy. How exciting! I am sure that they are super busy but how nice that you've already started being a good uncle by sending out news of Jackson's arrival.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've called out from all of the mountain tops in Colorado, and the response is unanimous... I suck at the trumpet.

      Delete