Monday, July 3, 2017

Happy Blow Things Up/Terrify Your Pets Day


May your beer be plentiful, your fireworks be military grade, and your fingers be ultimately intact.

Happy 4th of July!... if you're into that sort of thing.

Cheers and stay patriotic, friends,
Bryan and Brandon

Music: Eluvium
Beer: Blue Moon White IPA

(Also posted over on Tapas if you feel like popping over and saying hi)

88 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I'd like to picture you celebrating by waving a flag with one hand and blasting a shotgun into the air with the other. Like this.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/f6/1d/57/f61d57bfa24d251899e05ebd3817856d.jpg[/im]

      Don't correct me. Don't take this away from me.

      Delete
    2. This is how I plan to spend my 4th. Except I do not own an American flag, so I shall have to make due with the Confederate flag instead.

      Delete
    3. Sounds like a party. You bring the Keystone Light, we'll bring the lifted Trans Am that belches black smoke.

      Delete
    4. MICH ~
      Great comment!

      I saw it in my Email but thought you had deleted it. I didn't realize it was way up here on the thread. (UHP! I'M AN IDIOT!)

      Let's secede! You bring the flag and the moonshine, Bryan can bring the Trans Am, and I'll bring the guns and ammo. Ha!

      ~ D-FensDogG
      Ferret-Faced Fascist Friends

      Delete
    5. Sounds like a plan. And I will bring additional guns and ammo.

      Delete
  2. Sorry about my earlier comment. I just don't believe I've ever had the opportunity to be your first commenter before....

    The American flag sunglasses are amazing.

    I'm in Texas, so on 4th of July, we mainly just shoot at each other and talk about how we're going to throw off the yoke of our American oppressor someday.

    Still, I've heard great things about America and it's little sparklers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just made those glasses up when I drew them, but I have no idea if they really exist. I kinda wish they did. I would wear those every damn day.

      Well, if I wasn't constantly being oppressed by Big Brother.

      Maybe one day they'll legalize C4 Sparklers and Make Sparklers Great Again.

      Delete
  3. Our complex doesn't allow fireworks. Me and scrappy will go out tonight to watch the fireworks my neighbors aren't shooting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our HOA doesn't allow fireworks, either. Our HOA also never comes around on Fourth of July night, so I look forward to the many concussive fireworks that will mysteriously shoot off in the middle of the street tomorrow night.

      HOA, examining charred remnants: Okay, who did this?
      Everyone:
      [im]http://i.imgur.com/RMINwJY.png[/im]

      Delete
  4. Oh man, I'm actually in the States for a 4th of July celebration! Let's see how close they can get to simulating a warzone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Like a woman who was promised that her soon-to-be-lover is a stud, prepare for 10-15 minutes of underwhelming pops followed by one big bang that isn't nearly as satisfying as advertised.

      Delete
    2. Sounds like war alright.

      Delete
  5. Make sure you're at least eight beers deep so that you'll have a steady hand when holding the fireworks. It's the excessively sober that are the most susceptible to harm.

    Have a great 4th of July!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kind of like how drunk drivers always seem to live when they crash, because their bodies just become rubber and they don't absorb nearly as much impact as someone sober who tenses up.

      How can people expect drunks to ever learn anything when they have such clear physical advantages?

      Delete
  6. If my neighbors only played with explosives on the fourth, it wouldn't bother me too much. The problem is that they started Friday night, and it won't end until next weekend. Penelope hates the noise and hides in my closet.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm fortunate that none of my animals are bothered by fireworks. No, I'm the only animal bothered by them, especially when they're going off on some random weeknight while I'm trying to sleep. Sleep > Explosions. It's just the natural order of things.

      Despite today's gag, my 4th will probably be spent on the couch, surrounded by cats and dogs and food and most likely beer.

      Delete
  7. Rather funny when Atomic ball busters cost more and last as long, if not shorter, than most sparklers. Something to be said for sparklers. One neighbor here spent 150 bucks on fireworks and the whole package lasted maybe 5 minutes. But woweeee, look at the pretty lights.

    Humans make fun of cats chasing a $3 red dot around, yet they spend $150 for 5 mins of flashy lights. No wonder cats look down on us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, right? We remember the time an old friend, in high school, saved up a ton of money for the equivalent of an Atomic Ball Buster. $79 for this one giant firework. Oh, he was so excited. He thought it was just going to send up fireworks for minutes on end and explode up and down the whole street.

      He lights it, it shoots up a giant firework, and there's a deafening boom. Yellow sparks fizzle down. And then... nothing. That's it.

      I don't think he ever bought fireworks again.

      Delete
  8. Those illegal fireworks that explode, spin, fly in the air and burst in the sky are not allowed here. Yet, they have been going off every night this week. lol Happy 4th, try not to blow any fingers off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just find it funny that every night this week I've heard one single firework go off at around 10 pm.

      Someone walked outside, lit a single firework, listened to that pop, and then decided, "Huh, that was fun," and walked right back inside.

      I don't get it.

      Delete
  9. When we lived in Connecticut in the '80s, our neighbor (drunk) actually went out around midnight on July 4th and started shooting off a handgun. We haven't had that problem here in Spain. We do have lots of fireworks displays for a series of virgins throughout the year. Nuestra Señora La Virgen Del Carmen will be here July 16th.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every single year they still have to publicly post warnings about not shooting up into the air. Not only that, but these warnings also have to explain WHY you don't shoot up into the air. As if this wasn't painfully obvious.

      But I suppose it's not, if we need this much reminding.

      Some American stereotypes are just plain true, I guess.

      Delete
  10. Replies
    1. That's not very fun, but we can try it your way. Being safe. You have a good one, too.

      Delete
  11. Try not to get hurt. I'm going home to a cold one. And a beer,too. It'll be interesting and probably annoying if the neighbors get going later. Have a happy fourth.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have a happy fourth, too! Despite today's gag, our fingers will be too busy double fisting beers to care about getting blown off by fireworks.

      Delete
  12. I live outside city limits here which is legal to shoot fireworks which I find ironic. When I lived in city limits there was a lot less flammable things outside, but okay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "That cow should have known better than to get set on fire. It's almost like he had no survival instincts at ALL when those fireworks went off."

      Delete
  13. You can't buy real fireworks here anymore.
    I think that's probably okay with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Here, fireworks are illegal, but you can drive up to Wyoming and get them.

      However, that means driving all the way to Wyoming. Also, being inside of Wyoming.

      I'll happily pass on the fireworks.

      Delete
  14. Happy REVOLUTION Day, you Beer Boys!

    As I do every year, I s'pose I'll watch the fireworks show they put on from the top of the Nugget Hotel & Casino in (the appropriately named) Sparks. Some folks say Reno is so close to hell that one can see Sparks.

    In the video below, if you knew where to look, you'd be able to see Great Basin Brewing Company. The only question I have yet to answer is:

    Will I watch the Nugget fireworks show from Great Basin Brewing Company or from the front porch of my house? Yes, I have that choice to make. Beer at Great Basin or beer on the porch? What's a Big Dog to do?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNEDjBL0CC4

    ~ Stephen
    'Loyal American Revolutionary'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's actually a pretty cool fireworks display. Here, they just set off some fireworks in the local park for a bunch of very antsy kids on beach towels. There's also no Great Basin to be found anywhere.

      I think I'm just staying indoors.

      Delete
  15. You can keep your fireworks thanks. We have been having them blasted around here for the last 3 days and no doubt tonight with be the climax. Canada Day of course, 150th birthday. As a kid I loved them but once I really got to know how animals reacted, I would outlaw the lot of 'em.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess I'm fortunate in that my animals don't care. I could be getting violently murdered in the next room and they'd probably still sleep through it.

      I'm not big on fireworks, either, though. If I want to see a bunch of explosions, I'll just rent a cheesy action flick.

      Delete
  16. B&B:
    Oh, my beer WILL be plentiful and VARIED (true diversity in America at long last...LOL).
    As for the fireworks?
    Well, if "I" were to ever come into possession of MILITARY_GRADE pyrotechnics, a LARGE part of the neighborhood (read all but us) would wind up M.I.A.
    But, it WOULD be a LOT quieter, and I can work with THAT...lol.

    Have yourselves a very patriotic 4th.

    Stay safe (and always classy) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like your thinking. 4th of July: Survival of the Fittest Edition. Of everyone in your neighborhood... yeah, my money's on you being King of the Mountain, Bob.

      Delete
  17. Okay, I have to share my favorite Fourth of July story. When my now-husband and I were dating, the first holiday when I had the opportunity to meet his friends was July 4th. So he took me to this house where everyone was supposed to be gathered, and as we walked in the living room, the sight that greeted me was about five guys around a living room table, MAKING THEIR OWN FIREWORKS. Complete with cans of gunpowder, rope/twisted tissue/whatever for the wicks, and everything from more cans to paper towel tubes to fill with the explosive. Apparently, they had a yearly contest. I was a sheltered innocent and had never even gotten into real trouble before and had never known anyone who set off fireworks, much less made their own.

    When everyone was ready, we all walked down to the main part of town where the real fireworks were just finishing up and people were packing in their cars to drive home. A couple of the guys went under a stone bridge with their creations, came out shouting, "RUN!" and everyone ran. I had NO idea what was up (yes, that stupid), but seconds later, there was a huge BOOM (I mean, really, really, gigantic-type, ground-shaking BOOM) just as all the outgoing cars were bumper-to-bumper on the bridge. Smoke came pouring out from underneath the bridge, and it just kept getting thicker and thicker. I just remember running along beside some guy (who turned out to be my husband's best friend) and saying, between panting breaths, "Hi, I'm Lynda, Tim's girlfriend," and the guy being all, "Nice to meet you," as if we were at a fancy dinner somewhere and not running from the police. Thirty years later this summer, it's still my favorite memory from back then. These guys were pros.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you sweet, innocent child. When we were 16 we blew up a car. We took video, too.

      http://www.abeerfortheshower.com/2012/04/flaming-hyundai-of-fire.html

      That is a really cool memory, though! Neither of us have ever had to flee the police, nor have we ever made our own fireworks. So... is that still a yearly tradition, or what? Because I imagine this elaborate story where you've not only joined their yearly contest, but now, every year, you win it. With ease.

      Delete
    2. Oh my gosh, that car! And actually, that entire post was great.

      As far as my brush with the law, nobody got hurt and nobody got caught. Sadly, most of those people are not around anymore, either due to moving out of town (the sensible ones), jail time (the not-nearly-as-sensible ones), or a variety of reasons. I kind of think we're better for the lack of contact, but they were great for the adventures while they were around. The type of people who are best described as "wow, they're something."

      In my head, I trounce their butts with my own handcrafted explosives. In reality, I simply became the mama who never got stressed when my kids played with fire or wanted to blow up something in the backyard. I was more of the "Yeah, cool. Just wear goggles, okay? And check for neighbors before you light it."

      Delete
    3. That post reminded me how exciting we used to be. Now we're the ones asking, "Oh my gosh, did we bring our goggles?" before we light up some nephew's dinky sparkler.

      And no wonder your kids all turned out so great. I think part of parenting is realizing that your kids are invariably going to do stupid things anyway, whether you like it or not, so if they do, they might as well be safe about it.

      Delete
  18. My cats are terrified of fireworks. What's funny is that I live close to a gun range where cops practice every day, and I love in Florida so thunderstorms are frequent right now, but my cats aren't afraid of those noises. They know when it's a firework. I do like the big sparklers that change color, though. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They have sparklers that change colors? That's... mildly cooler. For the money, I'd rather just go to the gun range. I can watch things explode, or I can make things explode. Easy choice.

      Delete
  19. Hey that fireworks dude was bang out of order, explains why he blew town, hehe Happy 4th July, I so believe, yes! absolutely no pyrotechnics. I mean yes, oh I'm confused now!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you left a word out of there. He blew up town. And my garage. Still not the worst 4th I've ever had.

      Delete
  20. In Junior High there was a kid in my wood working class. We were all forced to listen to a PSA about the dangers of fireworks. The kid made multiple jokes, then came back from the summer break with three less fingers. We, being 12 year old assholes declared him, "Fingers." That's my warning to the universe. [im]http://www.chilloutpoint.com/images/2010/06/fingers-in-action-funny-finger-painting/fingers-in-action-funny-finger-painting-15.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I assume that means 2 fingers on one hand? Now I just imagine one hand looking like this. Like some kind of lobster-person.

      [im]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/W8yLow3v82s/hqdefault.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  21. They probably don't end with those growing snakes, either.
    Happy Fourth, guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Growing snakes are like the 'just-add-water' dinosaurs of fireworks. Hurray, it grew a few measly inches. I thought it would be bigger and more spectacular.

      Oh God, is this how women feel?

      Delete
  22. There are worse appendages to lose in a fireworks accident than just fingers. Your future progeny are depending on you. Have a glorious 4th but be careful, guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know anyone who lights fireworks with their junk, but then again, I assume someone who did that would never show their face in public again, so... touché.

      Delete
  23. I'm in Australia. The 4th of July is SO yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know what's messed up? You guys experienced 9/11 a full day before us, but did you warn us about it? No. Not a peep.

      I thought we were bros, bro.

      Delete
  24. Fireworks beautifully done with music, done by professionals is not bad to see but I hate the fireworks dumb asses buy just to watch or hear a pop and a little spark. It scares my dog and 2 of my cats plus people are just stupid with them. I saw a family across the street let their 3 year old hold on to a firework twllingnher to let go and she just held on to it. Finally dumbass dad took it from her and threw it just in time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, you guys have fireworks with choreographed music? That sounds pretty awesome. Around here, I'm pretty sure they just bribe the school janitor into releasing some fireworks from the park/football field with no real rhyme or reason other than 'splosions'. It's very underwhelming.

      Delete
  25. As a general rule, I don't need to buy fireworks. I'm literally surrounded by motherf***ers that go to Mexico for mortars.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Either your neighborhood is 100% more fortified, or it's 100% more likely to blow itself to kingdom come. I can't figure out which.

      Delete
    2. Speaking as someone who has once again experienced Fourth of July, I can confidently say that I don't know which it is. But I know it sounded like I was in a goddamn warzone that night with the number of non-stop explosions the went on from midafternoon to midnight

      Delete
  26. It will sound like a war around here until after midnight. Happy 4th and may your fingers stay with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Happy 4th to you, too! It sounds a little like a war around here, if wars were fought with cap guns, that is.

      Delete
  27. My town has no police. My neighbours have been setting off explosions since early last week. If last year is anything to go by, the fireworks shall continue all summer. I'd love to know how half the village managed to acquire their fireworks cannons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If your town is small enough that it has no police, chances are good that the only fun thing to do IS shoot off firework cannons. I might even have fun with such things, and I have plenty of police around here.

      Delete
  28. I'm from Illinois where any type that explodes is illegal. Of course, it doesn't really stop anyone and the cops don't really care as long as you don't get stupid with them.

    Here in China, fireworks has an entirely different meaning. I have heard the phrase, sounds like a war outside many time in the States when referring to the sound of fireworks outside. Now, I just laugh at that. People in the States have no idea. During Chinese New Year, there was a constant low rumble (like distant thunder) that lasted for the entire week of celebrations. Yes, a week. Plus, huge explosions happening right outside our windows and we live on the 11th floor. Everyone shoots off the big stuff 24 hours a day all week long. It is crazy.

    You can look in any direction and see colors in the sky without ceasing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't really tell whether that would be fun and festive or massively annoying. But I guess if you're going to do it, go big or go home, right?

      Delete
  29. TBH i dont get the enjoyment of blowing stuff up yourself. It never looks as good as when a town/community puts a good display on. Plus, you keep all your fingers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, we don't like those public displays, either. Most of them (at least around here) are pretty lame.

      The only thing I blew up yesterday was my waist line, with way too much food and way too much beer. It cost way less and was way more entertaining than blowing up $150 worth of fireworks that most likely would have been 30 minutes of light pops and bangs.

      Delete
  30. Hope you guys had a terrific Fourth of July. I'm not much interested in blowing stuff up, but the sleeping in because there's no work part, I like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, we hope you had a good one, too! I happily choose sleep over cheap explosions. Is this what getting old feels like?

      Delete
  31. I'm not as brave (Hint: I mean stupid) as Brandon. Please know I'm kidding about the stupid part. I think.

    I saw a nice long fireworks show across a Lake. It's a huge, huge Lake, so the fireworks for micro-size. Yeah, I didn't need to go camping to see a micro display. =)

    I hope you enjoyed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neither of us really care about fireworks; it just seemed like a fun joke. We're always willing to make ourselves look stupid (or, I guess, stupider) in the name of comedy.

      We hope you enjoyed your micro-display.

      Delete
  32. YIKES! Everyone from the city somehow ended up in our back yard, while I watched from the comfort of my back door on the 4th. All that fun lasted for all of 10 whole minutes! lol Hugs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you considered keeping a rabid Rottweiler in your backyard? Well, assuming you don't WANT the whole city in your backyard. I sure wouldn't...

      Delete
  33. Happy belated Traitor Day you treasonous colonial bastards. How's not worshiping the royal family and not paying taxes working out for you?

    Oops, you did that to yourselves.

    Nah but seriously I hope you guys got drunk, ate good meat, and blew something up for fun. It's the American way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you've had American beer and American food, you know that the break up was totally worth it. It wasn't you. It was us. No wait, it was definitely you. We wish you all the best going forward, though.

      Delete
  34. Considering I now live in the heart of firework central (as Brett said, above) it was disappointing to see not one single explosion on the 4th. But, we got ample exposure to them this past winter, so I guess it's okay.

    Also, Chinese people don't understand pets being afraid of fireworks. Probably because they are exposed to it more frequently - not just New Year, but any major holiday - so it's less frightening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's an 'eating your pet' joke there waiting to be made, but I respectfully will not make it.

      Delete
  35. But when I was kid, they all ended with sparklers! It started with those nasty smoke worms, them bright fireworks, spinners, Roman candles, and lastly sparklers. I think the parents were trying to wind us down! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The great thing about being an adult, then, is that you don't have to wind down. Between the booze and being old, there's this magic wall called midnight that you hit and suddenly everyone's making their way toward the door while yawning obnoxiously.

      Delete
  36. Fireworks are great and all until you hear about people who've injured themselves by setting fireworks off in their own backyard. But the holiday is great for getting friends together and celebrating a national holiday.


    www.ficklemillennial.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The 4th of July is typically a holiday in which people who are Americans partake in the consumption of grilled meat and beer as a way of celebrating independence that took place in the year of our Lord 1776.

      www.abeerfortheshower.com

      Delete
  37. I hope you guys had a terrific 4th. We just got home from visiting with friends in Tennessee. They have multiple dogs and cats, so no fireworks for us. Some fireworks might be moderately fun, but it isn't worth it to have critters cringing in every corner of the house. (I would have only cringed a LITTLE...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apparently I'm the only one who has animals that just don't care, because, well, they just don't care. You could probably set off a bomb in the next room and the only thing they'd be upset about is having to restart their naps.

      Delete
  38. LOL. When we lived in a state where the good fireworks were illegal, we drove just over the border to the neighboring state and got the artillery shells.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what we have to do here. You have to work for your fireworks. You have to hoof it all the way to Wyoming... and then, you know, be in Wyoming.

      Delete
  39. Amen to that haha. Sparklers suck unless you're talking a ten foot sparkler that explodes just for the fun of it. Hope you had a great day too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do they really have those? Is there one called Gandalf's Staff that looks like it fires off magic missiles? Because I would stockpile those. I would use those even on days that are not explosives-related-holidays.

      Delete
  40. Same goes in the UK on 5th November when we celebrate the time a Guy (literally) failed to blow parliament up by almost setting fire the the entire country.

    ReplyDelete
  41. the holiday is great for getting friends together and celebrating a national holiday.


    ทางบ้าน

    ReplyDelete