Monday, June 19, 2017

I Blame My Dad for This Post

I was planning a bigger post for today, but I spent most of the weekend eating charred meat and trying to explain basic computer functions over and over and over again. That probably sounds like some kind of bizarre torture ritual, but actually, that's just another Father's Day with my dear old dad, who likes his coffee and his steak the same way - black. It was fun, and I learned that my dad is sort of a superhero, in a way.

So in honor of Father's Day, I wanted to share 5 fun superhero facts about my dad.

1. I've never seen him without a mustache. Ever. I always wondered what was beneath it, and it turns out that underneath his mustache, there is only a bigger, stronger mustache... waiting to strike.


2. When he was young, he would wrestle and kill wild wolves for sport, with his bare hands. He would then siphon their souls into his t-shirt. This is why he owns so many of those cheesy wolf t-shirts.

Each of them is a wolf he has bested in combat.

3. He believes that grilled meat needs to be properly charred because the crispiness on the outside traps the flavor on the inside, like a kind of cruel flavor prison.


4. He can break any computer just by touching it. Sometimes even by looking in its general direction. He can also install 8,000 toolbars on a web browser with but a single click.

5. Like the Greek warrior Achilles, his heel is his only weak spot. This is why he wears socks and sandals together, to act as double protection for his only single vulnerability.


As long as he wears this velcro padded armor, he is expected to live forever, continuing to terrorize wolves and computers with reckless abandon.

Oh, and he's also a pretty great guy. He's the kindest, most patient person I know, and I wouldn't be who I am without him. Take that as a good thing or a bad thing, I guess.

Any fun facts about your own father?

Cheers and stay fatherly, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon, who's about to be a father any time now)

Music: Toro y Moi
Beer: Not Your Father's Root Beer

Notice how he's wearing the wolf t-shirt. Yeah, I didn't ask him to do that. He already was. Classic dad.

Bonus: new (probably not to you) comic over on Tapas today. Check it out. Or don't.

115 comments:

  1. He must have sucked more than one wolf spirit into that shirt. Or does the spirit split into many once inside? I had to delete 54 tool bars and ad ons off my grandmother's computer once. He has her way beat. And hey, socks in sandals keep your feet from getting dirty. Win.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh no, I do believe that's why he wanted to wear that shirt for Father's Day, because it was to commemorate the night he slayed 5 wolves at once.

      Not bad for a guy in his 60s, right?

      Delete
  2. What fun facts, especially the wolf t-shirts and trapped souls, woo! I don't think I've seen my dad with a beard as he shaves off any small growth quickly. Congrats to you Brandon, boy or girl? Greetings guys!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm pretty sure my dad shaved the morning that picture was taken. Underneath his 5 o'clock shadow there's only a darker 5 o'clock shadow.

      Needless to say, I did NOT inherit his ability to grow facial hair.

      Brandon's having a girl with a penis soon. Or I guess a boy, if you want to be technical about it.

      Delete
  3. Does your Dad howl at the moon? He sounds very fierce! He must be awesome if you're his son!!

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    1. No, but he does howl at my mom's salsa. I guess it's too hot for him. Does that count?

      Delete
  4. BOTT (Battle Of The T-Shirts)...

    I vote for Cheech y Chong!

    So, when your Pa puts on his footwear, does he put on a sock and a sandal, a sock and a sandal? Or does he do it the RIGHT way?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prRtcQz8Uqk

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I vote for Cheech and Chong, too. And I didn't have to kill either of them to be able to sport that shirt.

      And I believe he does it the right way, which is kind of conflicting, because I feel like there's truly no right way to put on socks and sandals.

      Delete
  5. And despite all of his toughness (toughnicity?), which extends to the aforementioned wolf shirts, look at that shirt on his son. Cheech and Chong. Who is going to keep the wolves in line when he's gone? You?

    I've never seen my dad's shins. In his free time, he wears long shorts and tube socks, so his knees are the only skin he shows. Which isn't a huge deal, but I thought about when I saw the Crocs drawing...

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    1. When the wolves come - and they will - you should buy your dad kneepads. It sounds like everything else is covered.

      And no, of course I'm not going to fight wolves. That's what I have my pack of dogs for. Yeah, that's right, my handicapped Shiba Inu, my Italian Greyhound, and my toy poodle are all going to keep me safe from the wolves.

      Delete
  6. The wolf shirts are awesome and funny. My dad is 84 and likes to tell the same stories over and over again. We all laugh about it but we all listen to him too.

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    1. My dad hasn't gotten to the point of telling the same story over and over again, but his stories are pretty amusing, so at least when he does we'll be perpetually entertained.

      Delete
  7. My dad has an immortal moustache although it has changed shape and style over the years. I like to think that every few years it regenerates like Doctor Who.

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    1. That's hilarious. I love that. My dad's has always taken the same form. Some say it was chiseled from the strongest stone, and that at this point, no razor on earth can cut it. No, the mustache simply bends the razor and makes it submit to its will.

      Delete
  8. My dad has always had a mustache, too. And those socks look just like the ones I remember him wearing to work as a construction worker, so his shins and feet would be pale white, but he was tan. lol

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    1. Oh, is there anything funnier than the high-sock tan line? If so, I have yet to see it. My dad has the darkest knees and the palest shins of any man I've ever seen.

      Delete
  9. Love this!

    I'm a definitely doing one of these for Dadum.

    ReplyDelete
  10. That's a wonderful tribute to your Dad.
    I never saw my Dad WITH a moustache.
    He never did sandals (and didn't like when I tied his shoes TOGETHER on April Fool's Day).
    He also liked meat well done (not totally charred).
    No bleeding when eating.
    He, like all fathers, was one of a kind, and we should cherish the time we have with them.
    And he was not afraid of hard work (except when it pertained to stuff around the house - that was he domain of those OTHER hard-working blue collar guys of days gone by). On the job (lithography industry) he was THE man.
    He was a WW2 vet, keep my ass (and the rest of me as well) in check when I went through those "teen" years. Thank God for that.
    And, although he's been gone since 1978, there is still NOT one day that I don't miss him.

    Stay safe (and paternally classy) out there.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Damn, that just about brought a tear to my eye. Your father sounds like he was a great guy. Mine's no stranger to hard work, either. That's where I get my work ethic from. And my ability to fix just about everything in the house, car included.

      "If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy." - Red Green, one of his favorite shows

      Delete
  11. I remember the first time I saw my dad without his mustache... I think that must be kind of like walking into a room and finding a parent just standing there naked.
    My kids have never seen me without a beard. Nor has my wife.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Is that because it looks like this when you have no beard?

      [im]https://img.memecdn.com/baby-face_o_552788.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  12. Your father is right, you young know-nothing whippersnapper. Charred hot dogs are the BEST! In fact, I'm having some tonight at a lesbo birthday party BBQ I'm going to. And I DON'T want to hear any jokes about us and wieners, okay? Grow up.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm just disappointed that you didn't refer to it as a Les-B-Q.

      Delete
  13. My dad is awesome too, Not wolf shirt awesome though!! Fun fact about my dad, he absolutely REFUSES to wear tennis shoes! It's always boots of sandals!!

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    1. Meanwhile, my dad will only ever wear sandals or those solid white dad-sneakers that Jerry Seinfeld was always so fond of.

      I'd laugh, but I mean, I'm sure in 30 years I'll wear nothing but dorky footwear, too. Unless I already do...

      Delete
  14. My parents went to the same school of preparing meat. In case it wasn't dead already, they burn it on the alter. I accused them of being Canadian.
    The socks and sandals style is classic 'grandpop' stuff. Not surprised your dad is special.

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    1. Oh yes, and my dad never gets tired of the same old joke about my steak "still mooing" because it has the tiniest sliver of pink on the inside. He has grandpa style, but he has dad jokes for days.

      Delete
  15. I get it, this was your place yesterday:
    [im]http://funnyasduck.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/funny-bbq-fire-poarch-yard-garden-burgers-done-pics.jpg[/im].
    Yikes.

    Your dad sounds like an awesome one, and that's not a surprise. But I hope you don't try his bbq tips when grilling for your wife or friends. Unless they bring a hose.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Whenever we grill, I always cook my and Meli's steaks separately. Which is good, but it still crushes my soul sometimes when we bring over some organic, grass fed New York sirloins and my dad chars his to a crisp. At least... at least he enjoys it, I guess.

      Delete
    2. Cajun style organic, grass fed New York sirloins - you dad has a unique palette.

      Delete
    3. At first I thought that said, "Burglars are done," and I thought, "what a highly effective home security system. Why doesn't ADT offer motion-activated flame throwers?"

      Delete
    4. "I pay my security company $99 a month, and in the event of a break in, they'll call the police for me."
      Uh, neat. I pay MINE $99 a month, and the external flamethrowers will burn all intruders to a crisp. Also, I have a LOT of dead, charred raccoons outside.

      It. Is. Awesome.

      Delete
  16. No beard for my dad but not much hair either. He was posted to Rhodesia (there used to be such a place) at the beginning of the war to train pilots. We had a pic of him with hair an I swore I would know him when he came back (I was 4 at the time), when he did come back I didn't know who it was at all. He took me up in a plane once and apparently my only comment was that the cows looked like chickens.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. My dad's always had a full head of hair, so he looks pretty much the exact same as he did when he was 18 (including the mustache and 5 o'clock shadow). Now it's just a little grayer.

      Also, he was in the Air Force once upon a time ago, and he spent a lot of time in a plane for training. I'll have to ask him if cows look like chickens. He might know the answer to that. I sure don't.

      Delete
  17. Thanks for the warning about your dad's grilling. I like my steak to at least low softly when I cut into it. Too many stories from my Dad, how about the one where he told me that beer was good for you because it's made from grains...

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    1. Are you telling me that my organic, non GMO, trans fat free beer is anything short of a superfood?

      Delete
  18. Your dad sounds like someone that I could get along with. I had a mustache for about 40 years until I shaved mine off. There's a blog post waiting behind that story, but it's still waiting for me to finish it. Glad you still have your dad to hang out with. My dad passed in 1990. I think of him just about everyday and that's partly because I became him--practically.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I actually would like to hear that story. You don't shave off something you've had for 40 years unless you've got a damn good reason behind it, I figure.

      Now, are you saying that one day I might become my dad? Because I've tried to grow the mustache. It just won't work. I blame my mom's side of the family for that.

      Delete
    2. I think a lot of guys become much like their fathers. I've known a few.

      I've got the mustache story coming probably in August or sometime after my summer travels are done.

      Arlee Bird
      Tossing It Out

      Delete
  19. Mmmm charcoal crunchy meat, be sure not to forget the ketchup. You guys are bound to be catching up with a few beers later, enjoying normal life until baby bun wants to meat you. I wish you well Brandon, you've got 18 years of cleaning up after kids to look forward to now - but hey at least you won't feel lonely anymore with someone new to rule your life, forever- more. So, Congratulations to classic Dad and Son. Its going to be great!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh yeeeeah, that meat is cooked with charcoal, and it later turns into charcoal! The circle is complete... or something like that.

      And much thanks on the kind words! 18 years is being a little generous, though, with how expensive cost of living is now.

      Delete
  20. My dad shaved his beard and mustache in his 50s for a job interview, and pretty much traumatized myself and my siblings. We are grown-ass adults who had never seen him without facial hair. Couldn't stop staring at him. Never got used to it. He grew it back so we'd stop staring at him in mute silence every time we came over.

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    1. I have a feeling that if my dad ever shaved his mustache, I'd spend so much time staring at his upper lip that I might actually will it to grow back out on the spot.

      Delete
  21. You have one cool, badass dad. My dad used to mow the lawn wearing shorts with black socks and dress shoes. When he retired from the military and got a job with the state, leisure suits were all the rage. My mom chose his clothes (when I was young and she chose my clothes, the other kids asked me all the time, Why the fuck are you wearing that? although we weren't old enough to say fuck yet, but I'm sure they would have said it if we'd known the word), and she got him a green leisure suit that she had him wear with white dress shoes. He was very tall and thin and looked like a huge stalk of celery. His co-workers probably looked at him and said, I bet his wife chooses those fucking clothes.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Any man that can rock a leisure suit in complete confidence is A-OK by me.

      My dad never was much into those. No, he just has his black and white pinstripe suit, that makes him look like a pimp. Or a mob boss. Or a pimpin' mob boss. It's a pretty badass look.

      Delete
  22. My children nor my wife has ever seen me sans mustache. Period.

    My dad was an uber conservative Democrat and he never swore or drank. Didn't even drink a sip of champagne at my wedding.

    And he wore the most bizarre plaid pants you have ever seen in your life every Christmas.

    I Are Writer!

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    1. An ultra conservative Democrat? Did he stand a very tall 5'2? And was he married to a white-skinned black woman?

      Does not compute.

      Delete
  23. I thought we had the same dad until you said wolf shirt. I was hoping for a long lost brother.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. There's no shame in having a father who can't kill wolves with his bare hands.

      Delete
  24. The computer one reminds me of telling my mom to take an online IQ test. She couldn't even finish it and somehow ended up in the negative. Damn internet explorer

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    1. I think if you're taking an IQ test and it senses that you're in 2017 and still using Internet Explorer that it should just fail you automatically.

      Delete
  25. Well, my dad doesn't have ovaries under his mustache, if that's what you're asking. Oh, wait, that's a mustache flexing. Well, still not an insult, ovaries are pretty tough. My dad can penis-queef any Samuel L. Jackson speech... Aw, who am I kidding? I don't know my dad. This is the guy I thought was my dad. [im]http://imgur.com/o6frsHw[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Damn. If I had a daddy, maybe he would have taught me how to properly embed a gif. Let's try again, [im]http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/c_limit,w_680/f_mp4,q_80,vc_auto/omp5pj8liaznycls99ft.mp4[/im]

      Delete
    2. Here you go.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/o6frsHw.gif[/im]

      Sincerely,
      Someone raised by a father

      Delete
  26. For the longest time, I didn't believe dad jokes were actually a thing. And then once, completely by accident, I actually listened to one of my dad's jokes. It was a dad joke. I remembered why I had stopped listening to them so long ago.

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    1. You know how only dogs can hear certain high pitched sounds? Well, dad jokes can only be understood once you're uncool enough to be considered in dad territory. Cool kids just ignore them and don't even think about them.

      I guess I have to be the one to break the news to you. I am sorry.

      (Your response: Hi sorry, nice to meet you, I'm dad)

      Delete
  27. Ah, yes the wolf t-shirt which always must go with a moustache. I have fond memories of my dad who would be 104 if he were alive. So he actually met wolves when he worked as a logger in the 1930's and was being sized up as a a hamburger, albeit rare, by a group of wolves when he was about 6. He was crossing the lake when he was 6 bringing something to his dad who chased him out to buy something( of course it was about 5 miles to the store). As he was crossing the lake he noticed a wolf to his left keeping pace with him and when he looked over to his right, the pack was keeping up. They were sizing him up for a snack but luckily, they decided not to pounce. He also met bears and moose and h couldn't stand the moose...he called them ornery, stupid beasts. On a more fun note, he would never go out to the sawmill when it was cold unless he had a tuque on and the tuque had to have a Pom Pom on. If it did have a Pom Pom, he wouldn't wear it

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    1. Wow. What a wee little badass, staring death in the face like that. I imagine those wolves saw his hat with the pom pom, and knew better than to fuck with someone like that.

      Delete
  28. My dad could do ANYTHING. Master mechanic, carpenter, electronic genus, plumber, musician (taught himself how to play). I don't think there was anything he couldn't do. Except . . stick to a project to its completion. He loved starting things, but always ended up changing his mind about how he wanted it done, or even what he wanted to work on.

    Drove us all NUTS!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Isn't that the way it always is? It certainly makes life interesting, and I guess it's better than the alternative, having a dad who's bad at everything but hoo boy does he always see that project through to the bitter end.

      Delete
  29. I'm a fan of guys with moustaches, gives a guy a dashing look (like Errol Flynn or Tom Selleck) Hubs shaved his one day and it took me 3 hours to notice. . .I'm not a fan of beards, however, which seems to be the trend these days with guys. It's the colonial look, IMO. My mom used to like wolf t-shirts, I wonder if she stole their spirits, too. . .hmmmm. I like your t-shirt better.

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    1. Oh, so you hate Brandon and me both, because he has a beard and I can't grow a mustache. Great. Just great. I thought we were friends.

      Nah, I'm kidding. Thanks to my partial Native American genes (on my mom's side), I can't grow facial hair. Not that I need to. I think it takes a certain face to pull off a mustache, and mine is not that face. I'd look more like a child molester than I would like Errol Flynn. At least I can admit it.

      Delete
  30. OK, that "mustache" under the mustache... creepy! I blame everything on my father, except for the things I blame on my mother.

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    1. You say that, but have you checked under your beard to see what's underneath that? It could be another beard. Or a really buff mustache. You never know.

      And see? I like the way you think. That's what's great about having 2 parents, is having 2 people to blame for all of your failures.

      Delete
  31. I miss my dad a lot. I really thought he'd never get the hang of computers, but he surprised me. I say this because he never got the hang of the ATM Machine. I suppose it all comes down to desire. He was a planner, so he was used to not having an ATM Machine. He didn't NEED an ATM Machine. Ergo, he didn't need to figure out how to use one. However, my dad was a researcher. He loved to research stuff. So, when the internet came out it was a kingdom he was determined to explore. Information at the fingertips. Who could resist that? He set his mind to conquering the dreaded computer and succeeded.

    Did you ever watch the movie She's Having A Baby? I love that movie. It's ironically less about having a baby and more about the challenges of being married. The baby part really is only the very end of the movie. But, anyway, here is the trailer. It has a clip right in the middle that goes with this post. I bet you can figure it out...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqsBuxC2g1k

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    1. Ha, no, I've never seen that film. Never even heard of it. Where the hell was I? Living under a rock? No, wait, I was a little kid. I was busy living under a charred steak that just looks like a rock.

      My dad is a lot like yours. He loves Internet research. He loves Google. He just... well, he has a tendency to break things when he does that. But it's easy enough to fix, so I say kudos to the curiosity.

      Delete
  32. I hope you showed this post to your dad. I have a feeling he'd get a kick out of it. He sounds like a Superdad.

    I didn't have one of them. Superdad, that is. But there were a couple positive things. We didn't have much money, so it was a big deal when my mother bought my father some much-needed new shoes. However, when he came home from the bar the evening after she gave them to him, he was in his stocking feet. No shoes. He gave them to another guy at the bar who... needed them more than he did. My mother was furious, but I thought it was kinda cool, and a rare show of generosity. When he was older, booze had really done a number on his mind. He couldn't remember stuff worth a crap. How was that a good thing, you ask? When we went up to visit, he'd ask me to tell him some jokes. He'd laugh until he was practically in tears, and then the very next night, I could tell the very same jokes and get the very same reaction. Made me feel like a freaking stand-up comedienne.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's sad and beautiful at the same time. My dad's never been a drinker. He'll only drink if I bring it to him (like that Not Your Father's Root Beer that accompanied this post). He also didn't know it had alcohol in it until he asked why the root beer made him feel funny. Note: I had told him 2 times that it was alcoholic. Later, he said he thought I had just been kidding.

      His vice was smoking. Was. When I was about 6 years old, I learned that smoking can kill you, and I came home crying to my dad about how I didn't want him to die. I think that rattled him. He quit cold turkey, and when I say that, I'm not exaggerating. He threw away the pack, and he never smoked again. The man has willpower of steel. It's insane.

      Delete
    2. You told him something true and he assumed it was a joke? Unbelievable! Not like you're a humorist or anything...

      That happens to Brett, too. It took a lot of convincing before my mom believed we were actually, in fact, moving to China.

      Delete
    3. In all fairness, if I ever told my parents I was moving to China, they'd probably think it was some kind of dumb prank tied to this blog.

      Delete
    4. Okay, the way your dad reacted when you came home from school in tears because of him smoking absolutely PROVES he's a super hero. :)

      Delete
  33. So what if your dad likes blackened red meat? I can relate to him in so many ways. You've never seen his upper lip and I haven't seen any of my own face since 1980. I'm afraid to look now. Glare at a computer and hurt its feelings? I do that all the time, too. Socks with sandals? He is a trend-setter you young whippersnapper! Next time I get out your way I'll buy him a beer.

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    1. Hey, I've got nothing against what he does. That could be me some day. Or I should say probably will be me some day. I currently wear flip-flops with cargo shorts, so I'm not far off from socks and sandals. Someone get me a fanny pack. Or should I say manny pack. Now I just need a child to embarrass.

      Delete
  34. My dad was always clean shaven until his late 70's. He never wore socks with sandals. I don't even think he ever owned a pair of sandals. He mostly wore cowboy boots. He never wore shorts. Always long pants, no matter the temperature. I don't think I ever saw my dad in a Tshirt either, and he worked with farmers on a daily basis. Was never afraid to get his hands dirty. He passed at the age of 82.

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    1. That's awesome. That sounds a lot like my Grandpa, a little Mexican cowboy. He was all of 5'2, but he was the toughest sumbitch I ever met. Tamed wild horses for fun. I never saw him in anything but a button up shirt, long pants, and shiny, well kept cowboy boots.

      Delete
  35. Awesome tribute to your dad! The charred me did make my stomach winced and I think my computer winced when it heard about your pop. ;)

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    1. Not that I'm the strongest of meatatarians, but whenever I see my dad's onyx black steak, which is probably hard enough to chip through cement, I can understand why teenage girls go vegan so easily.

      Delete
  36. My dad's superpower used to be getting up super-early and being functional. I'd go on day-long road-trips with him starting at about 3:30 in the morning.

    Now, in retirement, that has translated into the superpower of being annoyingly cheerful and talkative before breakfast. He enjoys watching the glares accumulate around him. It's fun.

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    1. My dad is much the same. He's pretty much gotten up at 4-5 am since forever. I think now that he's retired, he gets up at 6. Meanwhile, if I'm awake before 8 am, it's only because my house is on fire.

      Delete
  37. I have a very weird relationship with my Dad which I'd be okay talking about, but feel like this probably isn't the right place to do it. I'll just settle for an amusing observation about your dad.

    Maybe if he imbibes enough wolf souls, he'll become a warewolf and Stephanie Meyer will write a book about him.

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    1. If it's weird because you're a human and he's an octopus, I completely understand. That kind of thing happens. They made an entire video game based on it.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03rP_O2k8XM

      Delete
  38. My dad turned 70 this year and is now retired in Florida. He spends his days on Lake Okachobee fishing. I believe it's a mind-numbingly boring activity, but he is enjoying his retirement and loves to tell me his fishing stories.

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    1. Picture that, but with playing a guitar in the basement. His stories are about 'new' songs he learned. "Hey, I learned how to play the chorus of Let It Be last week!"

      That's my dad. He enjoys the hell out of it, though, so you won't hear me complain.

      Delete
  39. Nice. Loved the tribute, especially being able to chuckle along with you. Father's Day has been a difficult thing for me for many years, since my father passed away, but I always think of him and am grateful for the amazing example of kindness, patience, and service to others. He was a doctor and 27 yr scout master. The guy was epic. Here's to awesome dads!

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    1. Fond memories of an amazing father - I say cheers to that!

      Delete
  40. I fucking lost it at 'cruel flavor prison' because I've legitimately had a situation where my dad undercooked the thanksgiving turkey, we refused to eat it because it was actually raw in the middle, he finally gave it to continue cooking it, and responded by trying to microwave the entire thing and blowing up the turkey and microwave.

    That was a magical Thanksgiving.

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    1. That's the most amazing Thanksgiving story I've ever heard. I can hardly wait to tell that one to my dad, knowing it will only fuel his need to burn his food. "See? The alternative is a blown up microwave." That's hard to argue against.

      Delete
  41. Mmmm, you got me craving cookout food now.

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    1. If you can read this post and still be hungry, I might classify that as some kind of food addiction.

      Delete
  42. And to think that I saw a clip on TV last week about high socks being all the rage now. It's on all the runways...but they can only be black. No white socks allowed because that would just look silly. Your dad is already trending!

    Elsie

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    1. Oh my God, my dad often wears black socks with his sandals. He's right with the times. He's cooler than me.

      I guess that's not hard to achieve, but still.

      Delete
  43. I can't say I agree with killing wolves but those shirts are pretty badass, so I think I'll let it slide. Sadly my dad has never regaled me with any legends of who he was before he became my dad. I do know two cool things about him though; he learned how to shoot a gun in school and he graduated from Oxford University.

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    1. What the what? Learning to shoot in school? I thought you guys didn't have guns. I thought you just had tea parties and talked in cool, elegant accents that we Americans all wished we had.

      My dad's told me plenty of stories from before he was my dad, and all are insanely badass. His first car was a classic Mustang. He learned how to fly in the Air Force. He beat up the captain of the football team because the captain's girlfriend liked him.

      I mean, I thought that last one was just a silly story, until one of his old high school friends told us all about it.

      Delete
  44. That sure is a great picture with your dad. I'm truly jealous, but in a good way.

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    1. Psssh, that's all lighting and digital filters and Photoshop. Most people can't even tell that I'm just 2 Labradors stacked on top of each other.

      Delete
    2. I could use a bit of photoshopping myself. Just don't tell anyone. Who's life?

      Delete
  45. He wrestles wolves, ahahaa. I tell kids I nanny that I wrestle sharks when they inquire about my scars. All works because some actually believe I possibly am a mermaid.

    I got my ginger hair from my pops. Aside my southern ways. Not redneck, southern. He pursied his dreams opening a business handling car restoration, car detailing and car/race design. All in the perfect place, Detroit. The motor city. ;p
    Aside that, he has his own hay field. His two loves. Cars and hay.

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    1. I never knew mermaids fought sharks. Had I known that, I would have been down with mermaids a lot sooner.

      I don't know much about hay, either, but I do love a good muscle car. A badass mermaid and her badass dad. Many thumbs up from me.

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  46. I'm impressed with his wolf-wrestling skills! Not so impressed with his cooking skills. I prefer my meat a little less charred. Hope your dad had a great Father's Day!

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    1. You say that, but you haven't lived until you've had charred wolf.

      Delete
  47. Awwww happy (way belated) fathers day! Nailed it with the wolf shirt.

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    1. Why do old guys think that's cool? Am I going to wake up one day and suddenly find myself wanting to buy one?

      Delete
  48. My dad was a good example of a bad example. So...there's that. Thank goodness I had a stepfather.
    Curious what my children have to say about me...?

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    1. If you've done your job well, and peppered them with a lifetime of dad jokes... then nothing good.

      Delete
  49. I have power number four, as well! How charming.

    I enjoyed your post about your dad.

    My dad is a celebrity, but only in a really specialized group of people, so i randomly will meet some strange middle aged man who goes weak in the knees when he hears who my dad is. It's very funny. But mostly, he's just my dad.

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    1. You may have power #4, but I don't see you on Twitter posting random status updates like "HEY BARBARA IT WAS NICE TO SEE YOU YESTERDAY HOW'S JOHNNY?" without any context whatsoever... so you've got that going for you.

      Plus, you know, your dad's a mini-celebrity. That's pretty damn cool. I don't know what I'd do if someone approached my dad and said that they saw him here on ABFTS.

      We've met a few people who knew who we were or had heard of us. Very weird feeling.

      "You are, without a doubt, the worst blogger I have ever heard of."
      [im]http://i.imgur.com/BUVNdb3.gif[/im]

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  50. OMG I laughed so hard at this post that I burned more calories than usual by sitting at my 'puter! Isn't it fun to spill dirt on family members via our blogs? It's like the gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving. As always your cartoons are so on point. Hugs...RO

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    1. Well, it's not really spilling dirt if I have my dad's permissions and approval. Both he and my mom give this blog post an enthusiastic thumbs up.

      Delete
  51. Hehehe...fun post. Really wrestle wolves with his bare hands? OMG, unbelievable!

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    1. It's almost as if I just made up the whole thing...

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