Monday, June 12, 2017

#30 - Math is for Suckers







(As a double feature, we uploaded another comic to Tapas, in which we explore the values of not cutting your own hair)

86 comments:

  1. Ironic, isn't it? Kids today wouldn't know how to do simple math without their phones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't either, but I guess you could technically call me a man-sized child.

      Delete
  2. Ha, talk about getting sweet revenge. Good stuff, cheers guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THAT'LL show that old bat!
      (Who probably doesn't even remember telling me that, and is probably just sad and alone and happy that someone visited her for once)

      Delete
  3. Now I'm trying to picture Mrs. Baumgartner trying to multiply on her rotary phone.

    Assuming she recovers from your assault, I mean.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Old people are surprisingly resistant to middle fingers. Well, unless she didn't take her own advice of always drinking your milk, and her bones are in fact brittle from years of hypocrisy.

      Delete
  4. All those teachers that were so wrong...so so wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The only things I remember from my first few years of school was that you'll never have a calculator with you, you should always stop, drop, and roll if you're on fire, and don't struggle when you step in quicksand.

      Absolutely NONE of this has helped me as an adult.

      Delete
  5. I'm in the old bat category with poor ol' Mrs. B. We didn't have calculators back in the Dark Ages when she and I went to school... although I was allowed to use a slide rule in class when I was in high school, so I was appalled when our kids were required to have scientific calculators when THEY were in high school. I guess for my grandchildren, the teachers just give them the answers... so as not to offend them... HA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, apparently this is math now, so kids are going to need a lot more than a calculator and a slide rule to figure out what the hell any of this means.

      [im]https://img.ifcdn.com/images/4b17922c3458d9977f7fe1c4d99fabb90763b1fdeee9ac0e248ef7f82a73f0e5_6.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  6. B&B:
    ---Now that's hilarious for all the right reasons.
    Yes, there USED to be a time when ALL calculators could be found between peoples' shoulders (and usually wearing hats in winter).
    Then, that "new math" crap came along, making it a necessity to have an electronic calculator, because we ALL know (now) that 2+2 still equals 4, BUT...you need TWENTY damn steps to PROVE it.
    ((rolls eyes))...seriously?
    ---The tech is surely running us a lot more than it should...and that's kinda ominous and more than a bit scary, right?

    Good post.

    Stay safe and calculatingly classy) there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, right? See the picture posted in the comment just above this one. I don't think I have enough fingers and toes to count that much insanity.

      Delete
  7. Those teacher seriously lacked foresight. We were already playing snake on our flip phones for Christ's sake. It was only a matter of time before the incredible processing power of a TI-89 could be applied to a phone. Bet they wish the world of Mad Max was a reality because they sure look stupid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nowadays we don't even have to waste our time punching out numbers.

      Me, laying down in bed: Siri, how much is 3+3?
      Siri: 6.
      Me: Awesome. Siri, send Mrs. Baumgartner an e-mail telling her to suck it.
      Siri: E-mail sent.

      The future is AWESOME.

      Delete
  8. Shows what they knew. Although it is really pathetic when you go to a store and the cashier can't make change for say a twenty when it comes to $19.50 without the register telling them. Some of the math questions I've been asked in interviews I could do in primary. It's more funny (or pathetic) because I'm not joking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You actually get asked math questions during interviews? That's crazy. I went all the way up to calculus in high school, and still, to this day, people don't even ask me to do simple addition. No, even the check at a restaurant usually has tips already calculated out at the bottom so you don't have to think about it.

      Delete
    2. haha yep, last one I got asked was: "If someone's account bill comes to $45.50 and they hand you 50 but then decide to give 0.50 cent more, how much change do you own them?"

      Like anyone pays their account with cash, but pffft, pathetic.

      Delete
    3. Ha! Yes! I think the acceptable response to that question is "What the hell is 'cash'?"

      Delete
  9. "if you keep following our website, you won't miss anything!"
    proceeds to post exclusive content to tapas anyway
    You didn't lie, but I still feel cheated.

    Also, in the defense of all teachers, most people didn't see it coming. But then, by the time I got out of primary school there were already flip phones, and they were still saying this...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, you already read that comic, probably. It's an old one. We're just reposting old comics over there until we get caught up with here, and then we'll just be posting them simultaneously. I do like the word exclusive, though.

      Come over to Tapas, and see EXCLUSIVELY old content that you've already seen!

      Delete
    2. But that's... still cheating? You're not making this any better for either of us.

      Delete
    3. It's hard out here for a pimp, blood.

      Delete
  10. And, soon, it will all just be implanted in out heads.
    Well, not my head probably.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's cool, the tinfoil hat blocks out the radio signals, so those are safe to install in your brain.

      Delete
  11. My sympathies to Mrs. Baumgartner. Looks as though she'll need - hold on - 5.439 years of intensive therapy or a very serene demise, whichever comes first.

    PS Feedback has been sent. We'll check in when you come up for air.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay, Mrs. Baumgartner is senile, so 5.8 minutes after I left, leaving at a speed of 2.2 mph, she already forgot 100% of me.

      Delete
  12. Someday you won't need your phone either. There will be tiny chips installed in your ears and mouth and eyeballs and all you'll have to do to calculate or call someone is to think the idea. I get a headache just thinking about it. No, it's not a tumor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa, there's no way I'm ever getting chips installed inside of my head!
      Chips inside my head: We ArE aLrEaDy InStAlLeD, rEmEmBeR?
      Me, robotic voice: iT iS aLrEaDy InStAlLeD. BzZzT.

      That settles that, then.

      Delete
  13. Those young brats get to use their calculators for all their tests now. Soon they'll be able to use their phones too. No one needs to know anything except how to look it up on their phone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. School of the future: Okay, class, which of you can Google 10x2 first?

      Delete
  14. Hahaha!!! Thank you technology for showing up those math teachers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First she says I can't use technology, THEN she says I can't use my fingers and toes, either. YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS, OLD WOMAN!

      Delete
  15. Let's just also spare a moment of silence for how calculators and computers KILLED the slide rule industry.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That calculator's on the chopping block next. Do you know anyone who owns a calculator? Who's under 40? Me neither.

      Delete
  16. I was hopeless at math, still am really. But in my day we couldn't cheat with calculators, we didn't have them like kids do today. But then I am ancient.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you have fingers and toes back then? Teachers told me I couldn't use those to do math, but good look confiscating them, I said!

      Delete
  17. The truth be known I do figure you guys are lost in the wilderness most of the time and now Bryans memory has faded he can't even remember a mobile phone number, so its not even going to matter which half of his brains he gets amputated, LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I'd be mad at you if I even remembered why I was mad. Ooh, shiny thing!

      (True story: now that mobile phone numbers are so easily saved, I don't remember anyone's. Not even my wife's. The phone remembers it for me!)

      Delete
  18. Hahaha! Ironically, I had a variation on this problem. I was really good at simple and intermediate math. I could do it in my head without issue. BECAUSE of this, despite demonstrating repeatedly in front of my teachers, they forced me to show my work because they were CERTAIN I was using a calculator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We poor kids just couldn't win, could we?

      I wasn't good at math. I didn't understand it. Somehow, though, I passed. And my teachers kept insisting I go up in level. Always up. I got to calculus in high school, and I didn't understand a single bit of it. But I passed, and they insisted it would be good for me.

      (I have never used any of it since)

      Delete
  19. Mrs. ICan'tRememberHerName didn't tell us we couldn't use calculators. We couldn't use them because no one had one. They were on the way, though. I loved my high school math teacher, even though I can't remember her name. Oh, wait! I just thought of it: Velora Breitweiser. She was an excellent teacher.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had plenty of great teachers in my life, but never a great math teacher. I don't think having a great math teacher would have made me like math more, but I might have rolled my eyes a lot less at always hearing about the importance of math in my future.

      Velora Breitweiser - what a cool name. That name should be in a novel somewhere. I googled her, and it turns out that she passed away before I was even born.

      Now I'm kinda sad.

      Delete
    2. Stop being so young. I couldn't have a high school teacher who died before you were born. I'm a mere slip of a girl (in my mind).

      Delete
    3. I looked up Velora. She died several years after I graduated. I think of her often with great fondness. She was a great teacher and a kind, tolerant woman.

      Delete
    4. That's awesome that she had such a profound, lasting effect on you. I would imagine you weren't the only one inspired by her.

      And, you know, she still has the coolest name I've ever heard of. So... that has to count for something.

      Delete
  20. I actually thought of this very thing the other day. I randomly remembered an episode of an old show where the little boy is struggling with math and they use the ol' "you won't always have a calculator on you" excuse. Then smartphones came out.

    now it's "what if you're out of battery?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two words: extended battery. When you have a battery that can last almost a week, just think of how many calculations you can make.

      I mean, I'd calculate that out, but... I just really don't want to.

      Delete
  21. Comic here: The one thing we get right in predictions about technology is that the prediction is wrong.

    Comic there: NOW you tell me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1) Absolutely true. Look at all of those movies, even up to the 1980s, that told us by now we'd all have flying cars.

      Meanwhile, all we've really got are hilariously terrible self-driving car prototypes that I, for one, would not be brave enough to try.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsTxS6tg6xc

      2) It's easier when you're a guy, because the choppy bedhead look is "in". Or so I tell myself.

      Delete
  22. I still count with my fingers which was discouraged in my Catholic high school by rappping my knuckles. I'd love to count to one using my middle finger on the ass who did rap my knuckles

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I usually count to two that way. Hell, if you're limber enough, you can count to four that way. The human body is pretty amazing.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a2/8f/94/a28f94f0c89f40db17828abbd9cf2bed.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Those feet are deeply disturbing

      Delete
    3. I bet those middle toes are longer than my middle fingers. Gross.

      Delete
  23. We always made our kids do their math without calculators just to keep them from getting lazy, and they were horrified and guilty when they were told during a standardized test that they could use one. They truly didn't believe me when I said it was okay and thought it was an evil trick. Wish I'd thought of it, but oh well. Now they have no issues or guilt with it, but they do laugh at people who can't function without one.

    I was once at a fast-food joint where the cashier laughingly said she had no idea how much cash to give back to me because their register was "out." I laughed until I realized she was serious, and then said something like, "So I could say you owed me $20 and we'd call it even"—only to have her manager come over after overhearing me, roll his eyes and glare at her, and count my (real) change back to me. If only he'd been a bit farther away, I might have gotten away with it. Meddling kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a shame, because that would have been a real life lesson for that kid. Or a firing. Maybe both?

      For the longest time, in our dinky hometown, there was this Mexican restaurant that had fantastic food, but we were pretty sure the guy behind the counter couldn't count. You'd give him cash, and he'd ALWAYS give you a huge handful of change. Your total could be $4.81, and you'd give him a $5 bill, and he'd give you back 7 quarters, 4 dimes, 10 nickels, and 15 pennies, just cupped in both hands.

      I guess he figured that if people just got MORE change than they were owed, they'd never complain.

      ...He was right. We never complained.

      Delete
  24. My husband still has his calculator that he used in high school and uses it for balancing the checkbook. I remember having a solar powered calculator in high school. Boy, those things worked really well... for like 30 seconds.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, right? There was no feeling quite like whipping out your brand new solar powered calculator, powering that bad boy on, and then watching it wink out in the middle of an equation. Over and over again. Until you realize that just writing it out on paper probably IS faster at this point.

      Delete
  25. I suck at math. But I did recently point out to my old math teacher, that do carry a calculator with me all the time. She told me I was a smart ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you win. Math you can teach. Smart ass wit, however, is an art.

      Delete
  26. My learning disabled brother used to tell my mother he just needed a "cock-a-rater." My mother said he needed to learn to add and subtract on his own. He's 57 and now uses a "cock-a-rater."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, I wonder if that's anything like my redneck uncle's calcutator? He uses it whenever he needs to calcutate things.

      Delete
  27. I always hated math. And still do. Perhaps I'd have shown more interest had they made it more interesting...

    Q: 2 B's + _____ (amount of silicone) = 2 D's

    The Newer New Math Illustrated

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Question: Johnny's wife once had 2 Ds. They took away 200ml of silicone which gave her 2 Bs. If they take away 100ml more, what do you end up with?

      Answer: A very sad Johnny.

      Delete
  28. It was nice of you to visit your old teacher in a nursing home to give her the finger/punch her in the face.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I'm sad to say that she actually has Alzheimer's.

      That means that I need to stop by every single day at 12 o'clock to do that. And she still sometimes forgets. :(

      Delete
  29. Love that Samstunk! Hey, you're writing about time being a bitch, too... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's the only brand I use. Nope, No Crapple for me. Only Samstunk.

      And I'll have to admit, when I did the actual math, and my calculator app spat out that 1989 was 28 years ago, I had to type it in 3 more times to confirm my app wasn't messing up.

      1989 was 28 years ago.

      That. Is. Insane to me.

      Delete
  30. Funny and true! I recently interviewed a family at a 400 square-foot design your own t-shirt store, and they had a tough time hiring high school kids, because they didn't have room for a computer and most kids don't know how to count change anymore. Mrs. Baumgartner would not have been pleased. I'm sorry that she has Alzheimer's.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs. Baumgartner also has herpes and a very rare type 4 ass cancer.

      (Mrs. Baumgartner is fictional. I just made her up so I didn't have to middle-finger one of my real teachers in the face, because I liked them)

      Oh, and I don't know how to count change, either. This is why I use a credit card. The little plastic thing does the math for me. I can't remember the last time I handled cash.

      Delete
  31. I've recently learned that I'm now very bad at maths thanks to always having a calculator handy. It's funny how wrong teachers have become, but also sad that I've also become pretty shit at basic tasks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I mean, it's kind of cool that we have all of these devices that can help us do these basic tasks easily, but it's also sad to know that if these devices ever got taken away, we would all be completely useless.

      Delete
  32. Phone: it's not just for calling anymore!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. [im]http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/hello-yes-this-is-phone-meme.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  33. I still use a SpongeBob Address Book.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If I had access to a Spongebob Address Book, I'd probably use it. Only not probably. Definitely.

      Delete
  34. Mrs. Baumgartner looks like she has one of those rubber collapsible faces, the kind that will slowly pop back into shape after you remove your finger.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mrs. Baumgartner was constructed from 1990s Nickelodeon slime, so she's surprisingly pliable.

      Teachers, man. They just really don't construct them like they used to.

      Delete
  35. My impressive on-the-spot mental calculations (learned in math class) is how I always knew immediately if my kids had gotten into my beer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How I know if someone has gotten into my beer: I'm poor, so I can only afford a six-pack at a time. Six minus pretty much any number is easy enough for me to track.

      Delete
  36. The worst thing my high school math teacher did to me was put me on the math team because "I just don't apply myself" in class. WTF?

    She "knew" I could do it, but I'd rather goof off with the dude carrying liquid smoke and sitting in the back of the classroom.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew a lot of teachers like that as a kid, that pushed us into high level things, thinking it would somehow inspire us to become super mathletes. To unlock our secret passion for math.

      That never once happened. It never. Once. Happened.

      Delete
  37. hhahaha not the point, but that is *exactly* how I figure out how old people are.

    If for some reason I can't get to my phone, I do the painstakingly slow process of calculating different between birth year and 2000, and then add 17 years. It's no picnic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I also do that, but if the person was born in 2000 or above, I then stop talking to them, as they're clearly just a tiny baby on stilts, because how the hell are kids who were born when I was in high school already about to graduate high school this is MADNESS

      Delete
  38. I'd rather goof off with the dude carrying liquid smoke and sitting in the back of the classroom.

    ทางบ้าน

    ReplyDelete
  39. .....I do not remember how to subtract on paper. I know you have to carry the one or whatever, but I have nooooooooooooo clue how that works.

    ReplyDelete