Monday, June 5, 2017

2 Legit 2 Quit

After all these years, we're finally going legit.

No, we're not talking about the underground heroin operation we have going (which, I guess, is ruined now that we've mentioned it). We're talking about our comics. Those stupid drawings that have evolved so much over the 70-something years we've been doing this.

As we're sure you all know, A Beer for the Shower started way back in Nineteen Dickety-Two, as anti-Hitler war propaganda.


But we didn't make any money from those. No, we got paid in war bonds, which we've found are surprisingly hard to hawk at flea markets.

Shortly after that, in 2010, we started our blog, and we did something particularly avant-garde; we painted, but with words. Only words, in fact. It was a weird time, but our 2 readers (us, coming back to see if anyone replied) seemed to enjoy it.


We didn't make any money off of this, either, because Google Adwords is a scam. Apologies to the 4 people reading this who somehow haven't had their accounts banned yet. We regret to tell you that that $4.87 will never actually be yours.

A couple of years into blogging later, we got back into art, with some very crappy MSPaint drawings. They were bad. I mean, really bad. I mean, I'm surprised we didn't get tested for mental disabilities and carted off in the short bus bad.

That also was at a time that we were still learning English, having come from the destitute third world country that is Latvia. So our humor, like our English, was still very much developing.






Looking back, we think about 90% of our jokes were potato or waiting-to-die related. Write what you know, right?

And for all of this, we still weren't making any money off of our drawings. And why would we? They were garbage.

But then just last year we graduated! We got an actual drawing tablet. Actual drawing software. We committed ourselves to drawing something that made complete sense.


Okay, so maybe you had to be there. But it made sense to us.

And now we're doing comics. Real life (only not real life) comics. With setups, and punchlines, and art that wasn't made by two potato-guzzling imbeciles.

So we figured it's time to turn pro. This is our way of announcing that as of today, our cartoons are being hosted over on the tapas.io website, which features such other cool comics as Owl Turd, Sarah's Scribbles, and even our dear friend Captain Kirt, who posts elegantly high-brow humor that we aspire to one day reach.

It also means that we get a tiny, tiny share of the ad revenue over there for everyone who views our comics. And knowing how Internet ad revenue works, we just know that we're totally going to be rich off of free Internet money within hours of launching this!

(Yeah, right. But hey, it's something)

So here's what we need from YOU, dear reader.


...Uh, actually we were just going to say that we don't need anything from you.


That's right, nothing here is changing. We're still blogging as often as time will allow, and uploading bi-monthly comics. But we'll also be uploading those same comics to Tapas, in the hopes that we can make a name for ourselves in the comic world while earning dozens of dozens of free Internet pennies.

We're also going to be seeking out other big-name comic platforms and seeing if we can squeeze in there, too. If unbearably unfunny comic strips like Marmaduke can do it and make an entire career out of it, why can't we at least make a bit of extra beer money here and there?

So worry not, everything we're posting over there is content you've already seen. The only difference is that it's been improved. So for example, today's comic was originally posted on 8/22/2016, but it looks WAY better over on Tapas. Click this dumb baby to see for yourself, or just hit the link below him to check it out.



So if you like, come visit us over on Tapas. Check out the cool custom artwork I made for the banner. Sign up. Download the app. Like/comment. Tell some other random comics to suck it and stop trying to be us.

Or if you don't want to do any of that... well, don't. Everything here will still be updated like normal*, and you won't miss a thing.

*as normal as two idiots like us could ever be

In the meanwhile, we're slowly paving our way toward being underpaid comic strip artists, to go along with being underpaid authors. We definitely put the 'starving' in starving artists, but hey, if the choice is between this and being the living embodiment of the movie Office Space, then we'll choose this every time.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan and Brandon

Music: Blackbird Blackbird
Beer: Oskar Blues Beerito



Their heads exploded from pure jealousy, in case you were wondering

98 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Good to hear you will still be delivering comics here, even if you've moved past potatoes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now we buy many potato. At least three potato. One for soldier, one for giant rat that eat furniture, and one for us. We split last potato. Eat like king.

      Delete
  2. I visited you over there in Wonderland. I'm in love with the naked butt in the shower.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least someone likes my big, shiny ass. It was either that or show the front end, and I don't think that kind of thing is welcome on Tapas.

      Delete
    2. It's welcome in my house, sweet young thing(y).

      Delete
  3. That's great news, future's looking bright for you guys indeed. Maybe throw in some merchandise too. Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Now we just need some merch worth selling. I'm not sure how many people want to buy a t-shirt with this image front and center.

      [im]https://d30womf5coomej.cloudfront.net/sa/d3/1b376971-cef6-44e5-a130-a5a1d5281655.png[/im]

      Delete
    2. Adds new meaning to "comic STRIP artists"...

      Delete
    3. Mmmm, feed the "meter" those sweet Internet pennies, and we'll take it ALL off.

      I just did a full body shudder.

      Delete
    4. Ooh-Ooh! Shower curtain. A beer-themed shower curtain with your art on it. I'd buy that in a heartbeat.

      Delete
    5. Yes! Now... if only I could figure out how the hell to make a shower curtain.

      You got any access to some cheap sweatshop labor over there in China?

      (I'm kidding, I'm kidding)

      Delete
    6. I'd like a shirt with just those buttocks printed on chest-height, please.

      Delete
  4. I thought you guys sold out the second that your characters started growing fingers.

    If it's not too late to say this, please don't let the money change you.

    Also, don't let Josh Whedon or JJ Abrams do the inevitable film adaptation. I can get you some better names.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're already in talks with Lifetime about a made-for-tv movie. A lot has changed, though. We're both women, and one of us was sexually abused, and I think I'm a single mother. I don't really understand it. Free money, though!!!

      Delete
    2. Oh, and I have to say that I'm disappointed that no one has commented on your MC Hammer reference.

      I'm dancing just thinking about it. And I'm also wearing enormous gold pants.

      Delete
    3. [im]https://media0.giphy.com/media/11rIergnpiYpvW/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
  5. "matey, stop, yerr gettin me crumbs all over the bed"

    So, I guess this means you're no longer independent? Not hipster enough for me then, I'm out. Let me know when you get back to being truly unique snowflakes again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was just my parrot, eating Saltines in bed like an inconsiderate ASSHOLE.

      You know, you're going to regret that when we become the next Family Circus.
      [im]http://media.punchingkitty.com/wordpress/2010/09/family_circus_1.gif[/im]

      Delete
    2. You get it? It's hilarious because KILL ME NOW.

      Delete
  6. Now I realise there is nudity on display here too. Can't get away from it. Think I'll go cook some asparagus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know if you've tried showering in a one piece full body swimsuit, but it's hard to keep yourself clean. And it chafes. A LOT.

      Delete
    2. I guess it would. Meant to say I hope you earn 20 cents next time.

      Delete
    3. Oh, I am going to spend so many dollars at the dollar store soon. At least 2 dollars.

      Delete
  7. B&B:
    Hey, that's great you got a decent gig with your comics.
    If half the people that visit that site are amused as much as I've been, you'll do okay.
    (also, if half the people ARE really like me, this world is due for a major enema...HA!)
    Wishing you both much success and tons of digital moolah, with which you can purchase virtual mansions (with ALL the virtual amenities), virtual cars and take virtual trips around the globe (and hopefully get some REAL folding money too).

    Stay safe & classy out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! By being completely realistic about expectations, I figure that in just a few short months I'll be able to afford this badass luxury ride.

      [im]http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/963/464/016.jpg[/im]

      Ah, the glamorous life of a cartoonist.

      Delete
    2. Bob would do a comic too, but with his neighborhood he'd prolly get sued by Boondocks.

      Delete
    3. It's a crying shame that the name Thugnificent is already taken. What a great name for a character.

      [im]https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/boondockstv/images/4/4a/Tumblr_mdzx7zTlF81rgam01o1_r1_1280.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/340?cb=20140429021453[/im]

      Delete
  8. What? You want me to click another link that shows me a cartoon ass? Couldn't you have at least gotten a sponsor, I'm sure the retarded goat would show its ass for 18 cents. But shoot big, go for Gemma.

    After my current job, I'd rather live Office Space.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I wouldn't mind living Office Space if I could do absolutely nothing and get paid well for it.

      And hey, if you want cartoon ass, you have to work for it. Earn it with blood, sweat, and clicks. They don't call it 'the money maker' for nothing. That ass is worth at LEAST 25 cents, and I'm aiming to prove it.

      Delete
  9. Sounds to me like you're selling out.

    Or maybe buying in.

    I'm not sure. I haven't figured this out yet. But either way, "change is bad", and I suspect this is a Communist plot.

    I'm gonna go set up camp, drink four cans of Hamm's beer and contemplate this further...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCCjawsF3ak

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, so THAT'S where all of Hamm's money goes. Not back into the beer, which is piss water, but into moving digital displays. It all makes sense now.

      I'm totally going to buy one of those digital displays as soon as I save up some earnings. Projected time? Six years, 47 days. Not bad!

      Delete
  10. Congratulations! Here's hoping that you get more than just 18 cents. A bag potatoes isn't that cheap.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! 18 cents will still buy a single pack of ramen, so we've always got options. Very, very sad options.

      Delete
  11. That is exactly how I look when I read blogs. I will check you out on tapas too. I am all about helping people make dozens of pennies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Those pina colada popsicles can't afford to make themselves. Or can they? Have they become sentient?

      Delete
    2. sadly they can't and the stupid animals won't get jobs and make me millions. Even though I tell them grumpy cat is earning his keep.

      Delete
    3. I know that feel. I have a really photogenic Bengal cat. I just wish I was smart enough to be able to exploit that somehow.

      Delete
  12. That's very cool, guys. Big congrats to you both.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! That smarmy asshole Beetle Bailey has nothing on us.

      Delete
  13. Good luck! As a long-time comic strip reader, I can honestly say your stuff is better than most of the cartoons that run in the newspapers today. Once upon a time, we used to call the Sunday cartoon section the "funny papers." Not anymore. You dudes could definitely put the funny back into the cartoon section.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What's with that, anyway? Everything is changing and 'gettin' with the times', but the newspaper is still back in the stone age, posting wildly unfunny reprints of Family Circus and The Wizard of ID and Marmaduke. The humor is all very G rated. And lame.

      And we wonder why print is dying.

      Delete
  14. I think this new role suits both of you really well. I am worried that you like to shower with Hitler and makes me wonder whom else you would shower with. I saw someone put a Family Circus post here.....someone needs to kill the dude who started that comic strip. I liked Mad's version of the Family Circus

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I shower with all kinds of people. And animals. It's like the phone booth game, except everybody's naked. And soapy.

      Fun fact: someone actually took all of those awful Family Circus comics and photoshopped them to be hilariously fucked up. They called it Dysfunctional Family Circus. Some of them are actually pretty damn funny, too.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/ud695ya.gif[/im]

      [im]http://www.goathork.com/offline/Somelaughs_AE1B/familycircus615.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  15. Drinking beer, smoking fags and partying with all those lovely classy ladies in full jet stream showers - is like beerfortheshower "graduation day" before moving into the big league, comic strip - hey you've got it made.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If we just save up a few more months of ad revenue, we can join you in smoking a nice (cheap, dollar store) cigar. Ah, this is the life!

      Delete
  16. Me, probably!? A naked cigar smoking sperm that's grown bipedal appendages!!???

    Yeah, that sounds about right.

    Totally checking out the comics.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that what everyone looks like? A noseless white blob? I figured it was a given that our cartoon characters were unrealistic depictions of us, what with our noses and peach colored skin and four whole fingers (dream on).

      Delete
  17. Congrats, boys! Wishing you every success in the toon biz! But seeing you both soaping up old Adolph is gonna give me nightmares tonight, that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, at least you can't see what's beneath those soap bubbles. Then you'd have what might be classified as night terrors.

      Delete
    2. Is it true Der Fuhrer only has one ball? There was a song to that effect in WW2, I believe.

      Delete
    3. It's also said that he had a tiny, deformed micropenis.

      News link

      Tiny deformed dick with one ball... no wonder he was such an asshole.

      Delete
  18. Don't spend that .18 cents on just one thing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I see a gumball machine AND a nickel slot machine in my future. Awww yeahhhh.

      Delete
  19. Oh, man, I have to sign up for that place to be able to comment!?

    Wait... who am I again?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can comment over here, too. That's fine by us... whomever you are?

      Delete
  20. YAY! Congrats! I'll definitely check you guys out on tapas too. I love comics in traditional comic form.

    (I'm still stuck in the "terrible, terrible drawings" stage. Feels like a safe place to be for me.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And just FYI, some of the comics over there are the most stunning and beautifully drawn... pieces of crap I've ever seen. Not funny whatsoever.

      It's all about the content, which you've got. Just call your artwork quirky. Besides, I wouldn't exactly call something like Cyanide and Happiness a pinnacle of artist achievement.

      [im]http://files.explosm.net/comics/kApplesauce0001.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Between your legs, it looks like you've got...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7rZEPVttuY

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
  21. I'm finally at a real computer to say hey hey and congratulations for serious, guys. I'm extra glad you moved past the "showering with Hitler" stage and have more than raw potatoes to eat. And yes, for some reason, I pictured you eating them raw because nobody burns books for warmth and cooking. Just for religious hatred, which doesn't cook potatoes very evenly.

    I'll probably end up going over to the other site to support you both AND still visiting here, just to make sure your bases are covered. This is pretty cool stuff and I hope you're as psyched as we are for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can also mash them into really bad vodka, I hear. So yes, life will be luxury. Can eat potato. Can drink potato. 18 cent buy many potato. Is rich.

      And yes, we'll still post links to Tapas when new comics go up so that people can go check them out. A great many of our friends went through the trouble of making accounts over there, so we might as well use them!

      ...The accounts. Use the accounts. Not use our friends.

      Delete
  22. It's like you took a photo of me reading your posts! Wow. Creepy.

    Love your page on tapas. I just have to figure out how to login without revealing my secret identity...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't have to login if you don't want. Just visiting is nice enough. If you really want to be anonymous, though, you can probably just create an account under any name. Literally any name.

      So what I'm saying is I'll be eagerly waiting to hear from Dr. Thaddeus Buttmunch Jr, Esquire.

      Delete
  23. Someone else who agrees that Google Ads is nutty! On to the important stuff like Yay! Congrats on getting lots more checks for $ .18, and I'll help so that once you become famous, you're be sure to remember me. Many hugs...RO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nutty is putting it very kindly, I think. Thanks for the support, though! Since I'm going to be a famous digital rockstar soon (yeah right), I wonder how many drugs I can buy with 18 cents?

      "Here's your two grains of coke, sir."

      Delete
  24. Congratulations! The cover page is so hilariously melancholy (which is my favorite of the emotions).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! That's exactly what I was going for, because that is my life, and it's also my favorite emotion!

      I may be deeply depressed.

      Delete
  25. I got a mention! Yay! I promise the dame won't go to my head. Glad to see you over on Tapas, there's so much talent and inspiration over there.

    There's nothing as empowering as baring your cartoon behind, did it once, loved it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You really did inspire us to quit slacking and just do it. And yes, we and our curvaceous cartoon buttockses must stick together. It's the only way to success! Now, to find other like-minded, buttocks baring comrades...

      Delete
  26. Yes, I remember you two Latvian brothers. Two Latvian brother look at clouds. One see potato. Other see impossible dream. Is same cloud.

    I have been waiting for someone to fill the gap that R. Crumb left back in the day. Don't fuckin' disappoint me, dammit! I need more laughs and I am counting on you two idiots to entertain me. Don't let me down!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. First off, bravo on the Latvian joke. Those jokes are never not funny.

      Second, I don't know if we can pull off R. Crumb, but I will say that our style of humor is way more Fritz the Cat than it is Felix the Cat.

      Delete
  27. I think the $.18 can buy a small potato. Does everyone who lives in Colorado feel that way about Coors Light? Congrats on the going big time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's true. Colorado is the craft beer capital of the world, so all of the beer snobs (like us) definitely feel that all of the icy water in the Rocky Mountains can't make Coors Light drinkable.

      Delete
  28. Woohoo! You go. Reach for the brass ring, baby. That sucker keeps moving though,you may have to sneak up on it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This month it's 18 cents, next month it's 23 cents, the month after that it's 52 whole cents.

      Pretty soon we'll be eating from that dollar menu like we own the place. Awww yeah!

      Delete
  29. Yay! I'm very happy for you guys. Congratulations! I'm going to hop over there and tell them to kindly make your first check more than 18 cents. That's the least you deserve, and the best I can do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's based on how many ads you click, so the simple solution is probably just to click an ad. But I like your moxie. Let's strike!

      Delete
  30. Replies
    1. [im]https://media2.giphy.com/media/6tHy8UAbv3zgs/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
  31. I actually didn't realize you originally spoke another language. Also, I have to give you a kudos. While I'm all for a potato-and-death joke, you've come a long way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, man, I'll tell you, it's hard being two 48 year old Latvian immigrants, especially when you're 33 year old dudes who were born and raised in Colorado.

      Delete
  32. Weeeeeee! That's what my last anthology royalty check looked like. LOL! Here's hoping you'll land some valuable reality on other sites too. I think I remember the lava baby comic...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If my memory is correct, I believe you shared that hilarious Studio C sketch with us about real life The Floor is Lava, ultimately reinforcing the idea that children falling in lava is ALWAYS FUNNY.

      Delete
  33. I'm pretty new to your blog, but I liked the look back. Congratulations on your next step! I know this will be great for both of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Between this and the book royalty checks, we are going to have SO much pocket change.

      Delete
  34. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who was banned from AdSense. I feel so much better. I just tried to comment on the other site but I did something wrong. I'll try again tomorrow. Guess this chick is too old to understand how to sign up with Facebook. Duh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Signing up with Facebook is the worst. We just made an account with our e-mail address. Facebook already steals every single bit of our information... let's at least let our comic preferences remain sacred.

      Delete
  35. What do you mean I'm never going to see that five dollars I've got in my AdSense account? Google wouldn't lie to me like that.

    No, wait, they would.

    Congrats on getting your comics online. You know, again. On a real platform this time. Those are some big names that you can be found alongisde. If I could offer a suggestion, try to get your work on WebToons. There are a lot of big names there too so maybe you could get even more free internet money.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mark! Thanks, good sir. That's exactly the kind of info we're looking for. We're going to hit them up today. Maybe if we just host our comics on 1,000 popular comic sites, we can eventually make a steady poverty level income.

      Oh, free Internet money.

      Delete
  36. There's a great feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment with being able to legitimately call yourself a professional. That's why I always swipe a 20 from my wife's purse every time we have sex. So, I can honestly say I'm a professional gigolo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And then, after that, you can take her out to eat with all of that sweet gigolo money. Such a thoughtful husband.

      Delete
  37. Hehehehe I loved the comment that's up there today. :-D I hope the transition is a huge success.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! So far all I've had to do is post cartoons over on a second website, so... nothing too backbreaking. :)

      Delete
  38. You fellas deserve some serious non-bread dough after all that hard work, dammit. That said, I do feel the urge to correct you: those potato-heads were the best! Crappy MSPaint drawings rule, baby.

    Blue

    Yes, I might be biased, so what?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, those were a lot of fun to make. But YOU know that WE know that we're not potato heads. Strangers on the Internet, however, not so kind. We don't want people to see our work and think, "Who let these morons off the short bus and armed them with crayons?"

      Delete
  39. Congratulations! What do you mean AdSense is a scam? I've only been waiting since 2010, it can still happen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for still holding out hope. Maybe in 7 more years you can cash out that $9. Totally worth the investment of time!

      Delete
  40. Damn, Marmaduke getting caught int he crossfire. As a person going legit, You probably don't want to make powerful enemies. Ye shall not incur the wrath of Brad Anderson (Marmaduke creator). Just look at what happened to Doodlebug. Don't remember Doodlebug? That's because the artist crossed, the 'Duke.
    [im]http://4.media.collegehumor.cvcdn.com/48/13/6b3078f16c77579e65f4202ba84eff05.gif[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I said it, and I'll say it again! Marmaduke sucks! It's not funny in the slightest! Come at me, Brad Anderson, and bring your legions of elderly fans that still send you lame stories via the snail mail!

      DOG-GONE FUNNY: Joy Burns of Summerville, Georgia has a chihuahua that once killed a guy, just to watch him die!

      Delete