Monday, May 15, 2017

#29 - My Car Can Beat Up Your Car



In case nobody gets that stupid, almost 20 year old reference...



Also, as a bonus...


See you in June!


107 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. If the US weaponized driving pianos, we'd be the most terrifying nation on earth. Kim Jong Fat would bow before us (if his knees allowed it).

      Delete
  2. It's been 20 years? Oh my...I'm gonna sound so old, but that seems like it was yesterday! (In my defense, from birth of child 1 in 94 until the last few years, time bled together. Children sap brain cells, I swear.)

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    Replies
    1. In 3 years, 1990 will have been 30 years ago. My brain isn't ready to handle that kind of insane time travel. It's all moving too fast. WE NEED TO GO BACK.

      Delete
  3. Replies
    1. I would say that the notes control the steering, but then her song would probably sound nonsensical, depending on where she needed to go.

      So I'm just going to say demons.

      Delete
  4. This is so funny, because I just watched this video with my nephews and they asked me how her piano was moving like that. HAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It runs on the power of music, which is saying a lot, considering her career died 10 years ago.

      Delete
  5. Pshh. Think of the noise pollution, man. I travel via Mary Poppins' umbrella.

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    Replies
    1. That is incredibly dangerous, you know.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5zxqMQi-PM

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  6. I drive Sean Spicer's podium. It's anger-powered.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear it's really easy to hide in the bushes when you're not driving it.

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  7. I tried to imagine a highway full of piano cars - somehow it didn't equal a concert but rather chaos. Police report: "Pile-up on Highway 49. . .bring wire cutters to release the pianists caught in the guts of the Baby Grand."

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    Replies
    1. I think I've heard some jazz that sounded like what you described. Or at least they called it jazz.

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  8. So if I play off key will that be the equivalent of driving off the road, going through a ditch, crashing through some trees and ending up under the sea with a singing crab?

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    Replies
    1. I may as well stick with Bedknobs, forget the broomsticks.

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    2. Yeah, I have no idea how to play the piano, so you can see how well that turned out with my piano driving skills. Sorry grandpa. Maybe after I learn some scales the sidewalks will be safe again.

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  9. Your cartoon is missing the ultimate champion of one-upmanship -- the urban all-season cyclist.

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    Replies
    1. He would have showed up, but I ran him over just before entering panel one. Ha ha, he thought he was considered traffic. Classic cyclist.

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  10. I never even heard of Vanessa CARlton. But my car is a HIGHWAY STAR that can even leave skid marks and smoke on the water.

    That's all I got.
    ...I must be low on the electrolytes that I crave.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    [Link:) Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe if you were a space prostitute, you could just space fuck yourself from point A to point B. That would lead to a fantastic way to bid you adieu.

      "Go space fuck yourself."
      "Oh, okay, you have a good trip, too, Beer Bro!"

      Delete
  11. I've given up driving for flying.
    The landings are tough, though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you're in California, so if all else fails, AIM FOR THE WATER.

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  12. B&B:
    A lot of people in our neighborhood don't drive fast (in their government-sponsored Escalades)...they fly LOW (and the police STILL can't catch 'em - they're too busy checking SEATBELTS...!)
    And to think we're 4 miles from the airport.
    I didn't know WHERE you were going with this...but you fooled me well enough.
    Nicely done.
    The power of MUSIC. Who knew?
    Wow, if more people went and tried that, we might be able to save the world...and in a meaningful way.

    Good post.

    Stay safe (and always classy) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, if you watch that second video, I don't know if that government sponsored piano is doing much good for those guys running over pedestrians, but it sure is hilarious.

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    2. I will say one thing...that piano HANDLES well in traffic.
      "Grand Theft Steinway" anyone?

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  13. The piano: fueled by 100% octave.
    Now I know why I hate music videos and nearly all song lyrics. But I'm entertained by every BnB post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dammit, I missed a killer opportunity for an octave/octane pun. The thought didn't even cross my mind. I bow down to your cleverness.

      And you'd better watch what you say about Ms. Carlton. If you're walking down the street, and you hear faint piano music creeping up behind you... RUN.

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    2. That's the only one that came to me. Oh and, don't go flat.

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  14. Why do people always try to one up each other. Just be happy for someone when they get something. Is that really so hard?

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    Replies
    1. Don't worry, I ran those two guys over afterwards and now their medical bills are going to cost WAY more than Brandon's gasoline. Suckers!

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  15. Needed: The idiot with a Cube, complaining about how much mileage is dropped by its lack of aerodynamics.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Well, I mean, the gas mileage sucks and it's not fast, but it more than makes up for that by being the ugliest car on the road."

      Delete
  16. Ha! I got the reference! Also, I drive a blue car. That's pretty much all i can tell you about it. It's blue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DAMMIT. As we all know, blue is the fastest and most fuel efficient of colors, so you win, hands down.

      Way to piss on our parade. 😢

      Delete
  17. I thought everyone in Colorado drove a pickup truck. Not to stereotype, but yeah, white pickup trucks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, everyone in Colorado drives a Subaru. Don't ask us why. We don't. But everyone else does.

      (Most popular car brands by state)
      [im]http://www.bada.tv/files/movie/2017/01/01/20170101004942826_duruwa.com_1026360_0.png[/im]

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  18. You just need to make sure to wear sweatbands around your wrists, lest you get soggy and sloppy and lose control of the keys.

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    Replies
    1. I have a pretty bitchin' pair of driving goggles. And a driving scarf. That has to count for something.

      Delete
  19. If we get a car than can run off President Cheeto's ego, we'd have enough energy for decades.

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    Replies
    1. That car would be yuge. No car would outsell it, believe me. But we're still running cars on gasoline, which is bad. It's very bad. SAD.

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  20. If only everything were a musical! Wasn't there a South Park episode that cars ran on smug? Or did they produce smug? Whichever way, there's plenty of smug in this country to power all the cars.

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    1. The one where everyone farts into wine glasses and then smells it to fulfill their true sense of smug? Who could ever forget?

      [im]https://i.makeagif.com/media/9-09-2015/qb75Or.gif[/im]

      Delete
  21. I'm not sure how smooth the piano ride would be on the beach . . . you'd need dune buggy tires on that thing.

    On the up side, I loved the second video! Especially where the big umbrellas get run over and then burst into flame, a la Simpsons. Classic.

    I wonder if you could really catch some good wind by putting the lid up?

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    Replies
    1. Well, if you're going to trick a driveable piano out with dune buggy tires, you should also opt for the air suspension. Really get that hoopty catching some serious air when you're pulling up on hoes.

      [im]https://media2.giphy.com/media/Mw04eMMOfBHwc/giphy.gif[/im]

      I'm not "with it" like these kids, but I assume hoes love pianos.

      Delete
    2. That's pretty impressive. And of course hoes *must* love pianos. Especially ones with bouncy suspension in their dune buggy tires. They're all about the bounce quality.

      Delete
  22. I guess my parents' 1976 Lincoln Continental wouldn't pass the politically correct car..or piano. That video is funny and I was expecting to see Indians running after her and a police car chasing her like I. The Naked Gun series.

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    Replies
    1. I bet that giant boat is a blast to drive. You could probably also play bumper cars in that thing for hours before it even got a dent. I don't think my piano is nearly that sturdy. I tell ya, they don't make 'em like they used to.

      Delete
  23. Unable to play the videos right now. Hubby in bed. He used to drive a mean piano as a young man.

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    Replies
    1. Then don't ruin the memory by watching an amateur do it. I bet that gal is nothing compared to your hubby. A real Jeff Gordon of pianos.

      Delete
  24. Love love piano music. Keep feeling like I heard this melody somewhere else though. Something more recent.

    Wish I drove a Vanessa. My Equinox gets great miles to the tank; happens when you have a 16 gallon tank though.

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    Replies
    1. I have a douchey little electric car, which means I look like a grown man driving a Little Tikes Car, all so I can save some gas money. Is it worth it? Jury's still out.

      [im]http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/14478299_1253639141349043_2515089026986278912_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTM5ODU1MTMxMDg5NTE0OTc2NA%3D%3D.2[/im]
      Pictured: Brandon checking out Bryan's sweet new electric car

      Delete
  25. Wow. I was not expecting a Vanessa Carlton reference. I had forgotten that song until you drilled that ear worm back into the grey matter. Here, I can make this topical:
    [im]http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/76/76f7e45f9e7385e72b99b194c05e84f529ef911aa4a443f87bd978820060c03b.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Kim Jong Un/Vanessa Carlton meme. Now I've seen everything.

      BTW, this is the result of him playing that 'mission controller.'

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/JEDc0zZ.gif[/im]

      Delete
  26. A motorized lazy boy with attached cooler is my preferred ride. It practically drives itself when the cooler gets close to empty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Didn't Red Green make one of those in his Handyman Corner segment? Put a recliner on top of a lawn mower and drove that thing around?

      [im]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/vPbubMAYN7g/0.jpg[/im]

      If the women don't find you handsome, they should at least find you handy...

      Delete
  27. Fun videos.

    Driving a piano would suit me just dandy. It'd kinda be like having my own personal sound track, and the song could reflect my mood or intention. Then again, after my hot rod-loving gearhead of a husband got hold of it, it'd be so hopped-up, it'd only play super-fast jigs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You haven't truly lived until you've played Flight of the Bumblebee while zipping through traffic at 100mph.

      Delete
  28. Cool! I need a piano car to drive around town in. And maybe a viola boat. :)

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm, a viola's a little on the small side. Best I can do.

      [im]http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__1qHDVM6h2U/TRCHrAx_Z7I/AAAAAAAAACI/NBlWJFnkxGk/s1600/340x_josh-pykes-boat-guitar.jpg[/im]

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  29. Replies
    1. Stay tuned for a Limp Bizkit cartoon that we can only describe as bomb diggity.

      Delete
    2. She'd be a hot ride without her clothes on but then all the mommies and daddies would complain and thats so wrong and unfair on the rest of us.

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    3. The piano or Vanessa Carlton? Because I've seen a naked piano, and let me tell you, those curves were in ALL the right places.

      Delete
  30. I only drive one of those old Western upright pianos. The mileage is terrible but it comes with around 20% more ho-downs.

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    Replies
    1. I'm envious. I haven't upgraded since the 1980s, so I actually just drive a keytar. It's like the Harley Davidson of driveable pianos.

      [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/UsRHyanIrqN8I/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
  31. I....what the hell did I just see?

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    Replies
    1. You won't see the piano coming. No, it's way too fast. Your only hope is to hear it, and then SEEK COVER.

      Delete
  32. No way has it been twenty years?! And is that from GTA? Love it! What really caught my attention was the whole see you in June bomb you left us with. Enjoy your time off!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It really has been 20 years. I can't believe it, either. I officially feel ancient. And yes, that's GTP (Grand Theft Piano).

      And mind you, we're only taking a week off, so hopefully we can make the most of that and write our asses off.

      Delete
  33. Twenty years??? Say it ain't so :(

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    Replies
    1. It really is so. This is actually Vanessa Carlton today.

      [im]http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/3d-wat-gif.jpg[/im]

      No, actually, she's aged very gracefully and looks identical to how she looked in that video. It's kinda creepy.

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    2. Ha ha ha! Let me guess: good genes or botox?

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    3. She looks like she's part Asian, so I'm going to say genes. You know how that goes.

      [im]http://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/e35/14566609_1618986025070967_6149993443855695872_n.jpg[/im]

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    4. I have lived in China for eight months now and this picture is absolutely correct. They even get about 18 inches shorter.

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    5. Even here in the US, I've never seen an old Asian woman that was over 5 feet tall. Never.

      Delete
  34. Bwahaha! That song was SOOOO big. I loved it at first, but not so much after a year of it constantly being played. Why can't we all just travel by map?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIQKVITyaMI

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. Here you are living in the year 3017 with your map travel, and I'm still just riding my bike here in 2017 like a complete idiot.

      [im]https://media1.giphy.com/media/4B9fXowr3GlG0/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
  35. I think learning to play the piano would be worse than learning to drive a car, so I'll just stick to actual cars. A car could totally take a piano in a fight though. A ton of steel versus some poxy little wood contraption? It'd have no chance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But if it's a steel reinforced piano with roll cage, God help us all.

      And that's something to take with as you go forward with your driving tests; this might seem hard, but at least I'm not trying to drive a piano.

      Delete
  36. Replies
    1. [im]http://i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/012/982/post-19715-Brent-Rambo-gif-thumbs-up-imgu-L3yP.gif[/im]

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  37. One thing I'm wondering about cars, is if you press the "start/stop engine" button while driving, what will happen?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What happens is a robotic arm will flop out of the glovebox and slap you across the face and say "NO", like you would to a dog.

      (Actually, pressing it while driving will do nothing as a safety feature. You can still stop it, though, in case of emergency, by holding the button)

      [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/3og0IMJcSI8p6hYQXS/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
  38. Replies
    1. I don't know how smart a piano is. Can it play its own scales?

      Delete
  39. Yeah, that makes a lot more sense with the video.

    If only there had been a TV channel that played videos at the time, I might have seen that before. You know, like a cable channel that specialized in music, like ... Music Television ... or something. I know. I know. I'm dreaming. It would never happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean the reality TV channel where everyone's a pregnant teenager? Vanessa Carlton is neither a teenager nor pregnant, so that surely can't be it.

      Delete
  40. LOl! I never saw that piano video before.

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    Replies
    1. And it's weird as hell, isn't it? I think it just freaks me out because the idea of driving a piano around town is inherently ridiculous and kind of funny, but the video itself is very serious, so it's in that weird place between funny and creepy.

      Like, at 1:26 of the video she blasts past a group of marathon runners. Which seems like cheating when you're driving a piano. And all of that sounds like the premise for a hilarious joke, and yet I get the idea she wasn't joking at all in that scene.

      Delete
  41. Thanks for commenting today and MUCH CONGRATS on the two rubbish bins to the brim. Woohoo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, I still have so many more to fill. It's embarrassing, really.

      Delete
  42. My Jeep would run your piano over! I'm glad you posted the video, because I did not at all remember what you were referring to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grand Cherokee vs Grand Piano. Now THAT'S a show I'd pay to see. Just don't let me be the actual driver of the piano because I know how the show ends.

      Delete
  43. Wow! When you say it out loud, 20 years reminds me that it was such a long time ago, BUT I still remember. lol Fun post! Hugs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If time could start slowing down, that'd be great. It's going WAY too fast for my liking.

      Delete
  44. loL - That is what I call a musical journey, here is one for the road...

    https://youtu.be/R4PNZoxoG3s

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    Replies
    1. Wow, what a cool video! To be honest, I don't think my piano can take those kinds of turns...

      Delete
  45. I drove a piano once it got decent mileage but steering was bitch. Also I use E-85 flex fuel in my car. It gets good mileage but the fact I pay on average 20 cents less that everyone else make me feel superior.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, girl, you just put the flex in flex fuel.

      (Imaginary crowd goes wild)

      Delete
  46. It's almost like the 4 Yorkshiremen sketch. As a Yorkshireman I can relate.

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    Replies
    1. I would have seen that sketch, but I never had a television as a kid. No, I just watched the microwave spin my ramen noodles around.

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    2. My gift to you...
      https://youtu.be/Xe1a1wHxTyo

      Delete
  47. I think I have the same car as one of you, and our car really can beat up everyone else's ;) Either that, or I'm driving it because I have a very small penis.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I think it takes a big ol' set of balls to drive a Mustang, meaning that you may have a very small dick, but at least you have giant balls.

      No wait, I think I just made things worse. UNDO.

      Delete
  48. I have no memory of this. Even after watching the video. Where was I 20 years ago?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Probably doing something more productive than watch a girl drive around on a piano?

      Delete