Monday, May 8, 2017

#28 - I Think She's Into Me





89 comments:

  1. Don't you know it was a female; i.e. wife, girlfriend, s.o, that created Caller ID?!! LOL

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    1. I bet that same woman also invented the notification that shows you when someone else reads your text message.

      "I know you're reading this! Why haven't you responded to me???"
      (message read 8 seconds ago)

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    2. Indeed she did. All while sharpening her knife...hahaha

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  2. Nine out of ten wives would agree with this post.

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    1. That I'm an idiot? Or that they still want to be chased? Because I can see an argument for both.

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  3. At face value this comic makes you seem stupid. But in reality, they're just playing hard to get and you're seeing right through their lies. Battle on, brothers.

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    1. People think that after you get married you no longer date. But no, you always need to "date" your wife. Without that, life gets stale. She feels unwanted and gets bored.

      I'm practically a relationship guru.

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  4. LOL I do believe any guy is this situation would be in the dog house for a long time.

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    1. Well, it's probably a 3 day walk for my wife and her friend to get back home, so I have at least 3 days of freedom before she gets back. I would lock her out, but she has a key to get inside.

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  5. I agree with Mary. The dog house is your new temporary address. These days, when my phone rings, I don't even look at it. So no one can accuse me of ignoring them personally because I ignore everyone!

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    1. That's probably a post on its own, the expectation that you should always be near your phone.

      "I called you TEN MINUTES ago. How are you just getting this now?"
      Uh, I don't know, my phone isn't permanently tethered to my body and sometimes I just so happen to set it down?

      Delete
  6. There was an incident a few years back where I didn't accompany my live-in girlfriend to the emergency room - or rather, I sort of dropped her off and went home. These things have lingering effects.

    Women get mad at me. Maybe it's that I'm a jerk, maybe even a sexist pig sort of jerk. Or maybe it's just that it's their time of the month.

    What? What did I say wrong now? These broads just can't take a joke.

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    1. It's only sexist if you pushed her out of the car and made her do a tuck and roll in the ER parking lot before you sped off.

      If you helped her inside first, then I'd call you a damn gentleman.

      (I'm not good with women either, I hear)

      Delete
  7. I never have to worry about my hubby not responding immediately to a phone text from me. Mostly because I never text. And don't own a cell phone. (Details, details, details!) But I do occasionally call him on amateur radio... and he's smart enough not to play hard-to-get.:)

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    1. You poor thing, so unconnected with the rest of the world. How do you and hubby enjoy dinners out, if you can't both stare at your cellphone screens like zombies and ignore each other?

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  8. I think you may need to go home and rethink your life.

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    1. I think I may need to go home and rethink my wife. Or maybe she'll rethink me.

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  9. Oh my, I'm laughing. That was really good. Can you say "duh-vorce" Broseph? Slam dunk comic!

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    1. Joke's on her! She can't divorce me if she's still trapped in the desert with a broken down car.

      Me: 1
      Her: 0

      Delete
  10. Ignoring your wife's phone call could be a capital offense. Men are so difficult to train.

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    1. At least I don't pee all over everything. So I'm, like, at least one slight step above my dogs in terms of training.

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  11. So, that went a different direction! Somebody's gonna be in a crapton of trouble.

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    1. She'll be fine with it once she realizes I just did it because I really, really like her. Plus, she'll get great exercise with that long walk she'll be taking back into town.

      I'm practically Husband-of-the-Year™.

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  12. One way to be a bachelor for a few days again...or to cause a divorce and be one forever. At least she'll get her cardio walking back and be too tired to beat you right away.

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    1. Actually, she's been hitting the gym a LOT over the past couple of years, so this has only served to make her stronger. This run for her will merely be a warmup. What have I done? What monster have I created?

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  13. And you guys wonder why you have to sleep on the couch all the time.

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    1. The secret is to pretend I hate it, and then get an ah-MAY-zing night's sleep on my gloriously comfortable couch.

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  14. B&B:
    ROFL...hey, we never had such problems with those old LANDLINES...did we?
    (just having your parents chase you off the phone, so THEY could use it once in a while).
    Then, we had to use PAY PHONES...(horrors!)
    I miss those days...heh.
    Good call.

    Stay safe (and snow-free) out there, guys.

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    1. I remember the days when they still had pay phones along the side of the road for if you broke down. If anything, this is their fault for no longer existing. I like your take on things.

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  15. Yeah sure. Dream on! Its just plain wrong. You let wifey wait which tells me something although I've no idea what. Oh wait I know, tragedies happen and you guys are screw ups! When these women get home, someones going to get whooped, so prepare to beg.

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    1. I think it's telling you I'm sleeping on the couch for a while. That's sure what it's telling me.

      And my wife's only like 5'1, so I think I can take her. Unless she does that whole 'brick in the purse' thing, which I am essentially defenseless against.

      Delete
  16. Calling you right after she saw you this morning? Now that's desperate.

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    1. Right? She's even texting me RIGHT now, asking me "What's for dinner tonight?"

      God, GIVE ME SOME SPACE, WOMAN.

      Delete
  17. I've never understood the hard to get bullshit. And people never realize why the divorce and breakup rate is so high.

    But don't do that to your wife, she met end up calling someone named Uber and he sounds like a player.

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    1. I'm okay with her taking an Uber, but if one of those Lyft guys gives her a mustache ride, fists are gonna fly.

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  18. How sweet. You still want to impress her...

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    1. Okay, at least SOMEONE gets the main idea! I mean, at worst, I only deserve a HALF night on the couch. I meant well, I swear!

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  19. Impress her by not picking her up. Very impressive I don't think.

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    1. By not picking her up, I forced her to call a tow truck and find her own way home. I enforced her independence and introduced her to valuable life skills in the process.

      ...Yeah, she doesn't buy that, either.

      Delete
  20. I'm thinking that was a lot like my son getting in trouble for taking me and his sister out drinking Saturday and not making it back in time for Jessica to go out. Would seem to explain the lovely early mother's day gift she posted on FB today...

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    1. Ruh roh. I will say this: no matter what kind of stupid shit I do, I'm just glad my wife isn't the type to blast me on Facebook. And vice versa. There are certain things that just don't need to be posted on social media, and marital spats is one of 'em.

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  21. When I was still married and very sick with the flu, X dropped me off at the doctor's office and went to get the oil changed in the car. I fainted at the front desk. A couple of nurses helped me into an exam room when I came to. X did not answer his phone, so my doctor asked a nurse to take me to the hospital to check me in. I recommend that you answer the phone and reply to texts promptly if you want to stay married.

    Love,
    Janie, whose ex-husband is a major asshat

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    1. Ouch. A real man would have escorted you to the doctor's office and stayed with you until you were given proper treatment, and then gone home and changed the oil himself.

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  22. LOL ah the ol' "hard to get" husband act.

    When Boyfriend doesnt text me back, I assume he fell asleep. I'm right about 87% of the time.

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    1. Just further proof that whatever women think we're doing when we don't answer, it's always 100% worse than it really is.

      Wife: Why didn't you text me back? Were you out drinking?
      Me, napping on the couch in my underwear, wiping away a string of drool, with a cat sitting on my head: Yes. Totally that. My bad.

      Delete
  23. I would have been the third comment today, but after I spent all kinds of time typing up something incredible (I'm pretty sure it was, though I have no proof), my internet at work cut out and I lost it all. Page not found. How dare my work life interfere with my blog commenting?

    So now you'll get the half-remembered, not-clever-at-all comment about how I'm on the opposite side of this scenario . . . my hubby will sometimes text me and then put his phone in his pocket, never hearing my (usually immediate) reply. Hours go by and I wonder if he'll ever get back to me, wondering how he doesn't check for an answer when HE texted ME in the first place. He's famous in our household for never remembering to take his phone with him, which typically results in one of the kids texting me to tell me to "stop texting Papa because we're tired of hearing his phone going off in the other room while he's at work." So he must really, really, REALLY like me if he never answers, right?

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    1. Oh no! I hate when that happens. You know, that happens to me SO much that when I know I'm going to make a long comment, I type it out in notepad first, so that if it fails to post I have a backup copy. That has saved my ass so many times now that I can no longer keep track of the actual number of ass saves.

      Your hubby sounds like my dad. He has a cellphone that he's assured me I can call ANY time if I need something, especially if it's an emergency.
      A) He never takes it with him when he leaves the house. Ever. He always forgets, even though that's his sole reason for having it.
      B) Sometimes I'll call him for something urgent, and call and call and call, and I'll get no response until the next day, when he'll say that he forgot his cellphone in his sock drawer, and it was cushioned by socks so he couldn't hear it, but he was home all day so I could have just called the landline if I wanted to reach him.
      C) I just call the damn landline now. I don't even know why he has a cellphone.

      Delete
  24. Well, somebody was sleeping with the crazy cat lady's kitties when Wifey finally made it home. Are you back yet Bry? Meow if you get this, lol.

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    1. I AM the crazy cat lady in this house. As soon as my wife gets home, she's got to be ready for my second line of defense.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yuw1W_AN1zk

      Delete
  25. Replies
    1. Well, it's true that I really dig my wife and I'm still nervous about what she thinks of me and I want to impress her... but everything else is pure fictional comic strip idiocy.

      I mean, I'm dumb, but I'm not THAT dumb.

      Delete
  26. Oh, so that book The Game works even when you're married? Good to know. Give us more tips, like, how to neg your wife.
    [im]http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/3f/3ff5a53e7e767fb9db2a6b58345f70f01e169a43b3c3f8bf06c0c5072c297d42.jpg[/im]

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    1. I had to Google 'neg' to learn your cool pick up artist (pua) lingo. See? I'm already learning.

      I just use the classics. Abusive rednecks were the original neg pickup artists. See, I just tell her she's ugly and no one could ever love her but me so she shouldn't ever leave me (or else).

      Yeah, we've got a GREAT relationship.

      [im]https://cdn.meme.am/cache/instances/folder910/63419910.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  27. So.....how long did you sleep in the dog house for this major faux pas? I can just imagine To various looks you got followed by silence and not being able to look in your direction...that's called the freeze out.

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    1. Well, I don't really "sleep" because it's too small and uncomfortable, but I do get surprisingly good wi-fi service in here. And the meals aren't great, but they're served consistently.

      [im]https://viralicious2.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/doghouse39.jpg[/im]

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  28. I get so excited if ANY woman wants to talk to me I just about wet my pants. Trying not to seem eager and desperate gives me an anxiety attack the size of Colorado and I fear she will think I don't care and never call me again. I know I should play hard to get, but I'm so easy that I just can't overcome my desperation.

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    1. I find that it's a delicate balance. Playing hard to get is vastly overrated, but no woman wants to come home from a 10 minute trip to the grocery store to find out she has 1,487 missed calls.

      Delete
  29. From one beer-sucker to another...

    Before she gets home, hide anything that looks even remotely like this:

    https://img.beckett.com/images/items/custom/marketplace/72184347/migrated.jpg

    ~ D-FensDogG
    [Link:) Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

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    1. For those who want to see...

      [im]https://img.beckett.com/images/items/custom/marketplace/72184347/migrated.jpg[/im]

      Uh oh, I ain't got one of those. What does that say about me...?

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  30. https://ircimg.net/PrYAV.jpg

    ~ D-FensDogG

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    1. [im]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cx_67Z8UoAAegP7.jpg[/im]

      That seems really expensive for faggots, no matter how many you get in a bunch.

      Delete
  31. That's a typical male thing - it could be our wedding day and we'd still be like "I don't think she's that into me."

    A couple of months ago I was out with friends and this hot girl I'd never met joined us. Half way through the night I had multiple people tell me that she was asking about me and what my "situation" was. Later she sat herself next to me and I noticed that my friends were all talking me up in front of her and that she was moving the conversation to sex a lot. Still, after all that, I was like "Ah, it's probably nothing." So when I left early that night to get a good night's sleep, my friends were messaging me, saying "What are you doing you idiot?!"

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    1. I would slap you upside the head, but I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I don't know why we do it. I don't know why we need air traffic controllers to tell us that yes, everything is good to go, and even then we still ask, "Are you sure about that?"

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKT4f_u7sNQ

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  32. And this is the story of how you got divorced. I'm such a loser. I respond to my girl before the third ring, never mind the third day.

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    1. Maybe that's why she's still so into me, though. Because I'm a bad boy. Well, at least when it comes to phone calls. Yeah, I'll take 5 minutes to respond even though I clearly read the message, because IDGAF!

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  33. Plot twist: This is an elaborate game they play with each other. The friend is caught up in their sick and twisted fantasy of emotional abandonment.

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    1. Sometimes we both go to the same bar, and pretend to be different people, but we just sit on our phones and surf Facebook. Sometimes I order mozzarella sticks. It's very erotic.

      Delete
  34. My husband always answers when I call. Unless, he is in the dungeon at work and has no reception.
    But, if it is a friend or brother or mother, he will probably ignore it and call back whenever. On occasion, he has gotten annoyed because I or our daughter will answer the call. He'll say "call if you need anything", but he may or may not answer.

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    1. When I tell people "you can call me any time", I mean that literally. You are capable of calling me any time. But if my phone is off, or not near me, or I'm just not paying attention, don't expect a quick response.

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  35. Haha...sounds like my better (worse) half!

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    1. Well, I do believe the exact phrase was "for better or for worse."

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  36. My phone is always inches of me wherever I am!

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    1. So is my phone. Right now, it's only 600 inches away (in another room).

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  37. Guys worry about this stuff? ;)

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    1. Sometimes I'm more of a woman than my woman. I can admit it.

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  38. Oh Jesus! That took a hell of a left turn (into a tree).

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    1. My internal GPS says everything is good so I'm just going to keep driving through this cornfield with half of my bumper falling off.

      Delete
  39. Oh my gosh. HAHAHA! Always answer your wife's calls. lol

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    1. Sure, NOW I know. This marriage thing doesn't exactly come with instructions.

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  40. Very imaginative and super funny! Hugs...

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    1. You say imaginative, but this is totally something my stupid ass would do (if left unattended long enough).

      Delete
  41. Never a good way for a married guy to think unless he doesn't want to stay married. Or is itching for one hell of a fight.


    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. I meant well. She has to at least appreciate that... on her 4.5 mile walk back into town (that's a lot of time to remind her just how much she loves me, too!).

      Delete
  42. Hahah no way my boyfriend would have the guts to do that to me

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    1. Then gurl, you gotta find you a real man who'll leave you stranded in the desert at 3 in the morning.

      (No wait, don't do that)

      Delete
  43. Ha! My whole marriage came about because neither one of us thought the other was serious. It was all light-hearted flirting like a huge giant joke.
    Best. Relationship. Ever.

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    1. That's amazing.
      "Look, I got an engagement ring. This funny guy!"
      "Ha, we're actually exchanging wedding vows. A real kidder, this one!"
      "We're growing old together in another country. LOL what a jokester!"

      Delete