Thursday, April 20, 2017

100% True Facts About Legalized Marijuana in Colorado That Are True

Today is 4/20, the toker's holiday, and since the devil's lettuce is legal here in Colorado, we thought we'd take some time today and explain to all of you the effects that this legalization has had on us native Coloradans. See, most people who don't live here can't even begin to imagine how much things have changed since we've legalized Lucifer's lavender, but Colorado is practically a cloudy, bloodshot dystopia full of zombie-like stoners just bumping into each other clumsily as they look to score their next hit.


100% true facts about marijuana legalization in Colorado


1) The air is now completely unbreathable.

You see this?


This totally isn't a picture of the pollution in China that we stole off of Google Images. No, this is a picture that one of us snapped of Denver just by stepping outside today. Ever since the rapper's romaine was legalized, the air quality in Colorado has been downgraded from Moderate to Cheech and Chong Afterparty.

The contact high is so severe that people who step outdoors for more than 1 hour at a time are 100% more likely to contract the giggles and 200% more likely to actually find an Adam Sandler movie amusing.

2) Crime has gone up 8,000,000%.

Your eyes do not deceive you (unless you're high, in which case they might - that dragon isn't really here. Just ignore him and keep reading the post. Eye on the prize, champ). Crime has truly gone up this much in Colorado. You see, research has shown that smoking just a single puff of jazz cabbage can result in a life of crime. Those D.A.R.E. programs we all were forced to take as kids? They weren't lying.


3) Tourists now outnumber people 10 to 1.

You see this?


This is absolutely not a picture of an overcrowded train in India that we pilfered from Google Images. No, this is a picture that we snapped at the Denver Light Rail station to show you just how many droves of people are coming to Colorado for the sole purpose of getting giggly on Buddha's baked begonias.

You see, people in other cities literally have zero access to Satan's shrub, which is why Colorado is now an overpopulated stoner mecca, and in only a matter of months this is what the city of Denver is likely to look like.


4) Overdose deaths have tripled.

Prior to the legalization of Beelzebub's broccoli, deaths as a direct result of choking on the dark prince's tube root were at zero. But then immediately following legalization, deaths doubled. This year alone, deaths have tripled... because 0 x 3 still = 0.

Dude, math is crazy when you're high.




5) Meth use has sky-rocketed.

As we all know, Hitler's hibiscus is the gateway to meth and black tar heroin. That's just a scientific fact. So we can't say anyone was surprised when meth use across the state began to run rampant. Meth labs now outnumber dispensaries, and the police refuse to do anything about it, because they're also on meth.

Hell, we don't even smoke the Antichrist's asparagus, and we're both on meth right now.

THE EFFECT IS THAT GREAT.

6) Cancer has actually been cured.

You might think the effect of legalization has all been negative, but there is one positive to all of this.

If you've ever listened to an old burnout hippie, the kind that has dreadlocks on the lower half of his bald head and lives out of a van that's older than we are, then you know that smoking the fornicator's flower can actually cure cancer. Well, this is 100% true.

Cancer rates are down to an all time low of zero, now that we've discovered how the THC in the devil's dandelion has been scientifically programmed to fight cancer cells. Take that, Big Pharma!


It's just crazy to think how much life has changed ever since we legalized Satan's spinach. Just remember: anyone who says that day-to-day life hasn't changed at all and that everything is pretty much the same as it was before legalization, if not better, is probably stoned out of their gourds on Krampus's collard greens and also definitely on meth.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan and Brandon

Music: Skylar Spence
Beer: Odell Runoff Red IPA


107 comments:

  1. B&B:
    --ROFL...all the ways that you describes Mary Jane (and not the wrapped candy) are hilarious.
    --"Finding an Adam Sandler movie amusing"...priceless.
    --I can only guess as to HOW life (?) has changed out there, but you both tell things better than we could EVER imagine.
    (and like Han Solo, we can imagine quite a lot)
    Great cartoons as usual, too.

    Stay safe (and watch those contact highs) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the other day I saw a guy driving high. He was going 15 mph in a 25 mph zone. Also, the Wal-mart parking lot smells a lot more like weed than it used to. Outside of that, no real changes.

      Delete
  2. Someday, Texas will legalize marijuana... or else I'll take a trip to Colorado. Then I can find out what all of the fuss is about.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fuss is most definitely hype. But hey, if you have any kind of ailment, I'm sure it's great for that.

      I feel like marijuana here is like those old timey elixirs that fast talking salesman tried to pitch from the side of their wagon in the 1800s.

      "What ails you, friends? Headache? Migraine? Nausea? Cramps? Aches? Pains? Chills? Well, have I got the cure-all for you! Just step on up and try Uncle Roofus's Miraculous Medicinal Marijuana!"

      Delete
  3. Damn, it is going to be legal everywhere up here soon, so that's what we have to look forward too? Pass some meth, we have to let this all sink in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I spelled to wrong, must be that contact high. "goes in search of Adam Sandler movie"

      Delete
    2. Your too has too many toos to be a to.

      ...Whoa. That, like, just blew my mind, bro.

      (Goes back to watching Happy Gilmore - It's funny because he's mad at golf! BWAHAHA!)

      Delete
  4. I snorted with laughter throughout this whole post, and now everyone in my class thinks I'm a whacked out doobie diva! I hope you're proud of yourselves!!! I need a cookie...

    ReplyDelete
  5. My giggles got (literally) progressively louder each time I read a pseudonym for pot (Lucifer's lavender, Buddha's baked begonias...). So funny! Pot is legal here too, so I know what you're talking out. The changes are like, totally, way farther dude than the Cheech and Chong Afterparty. This was hilarious. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/25/19/a5/2519a5365ba7ae087cf6662e1518682c.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. What? No way! Weed is only legal in Colorado. That's why everyone is coming here in droves.

      (I think in the 3 or 4 years it's been legal I've seen ONE person who came from out of state JUST for the weed, and I thought wow, that's a really sad excuse to move somewhere)

      [im]http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/10-guy-gay-marijuana.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  6. Marijuana was just legalized in Massachusetts, but I think the lawmakers were high when they drafted the bill. I mean, it's now legal to buy marijuana, but it's still illegal to sell it. Sounds like some hippie socialism trap to me.

    Hopefully our state doesn't fall into disrepair like Colorado. We already have too many Spencer Gifts as is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't have to worry until Hot Topics start popping up. If I see you wearing spiked plastic bracelets and sobbing while listening to My Chemical Romance, I'll know the weed was to blame. Maybe.

      Delete
  7. Its not legal in the UK but might as well be for the good the police can do about it. It's the smell that gets me. It invades your personal space.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, not a very pleasant smell, is it? Kind of funny to me that those who do smoke regularly just love that smell. Like Pavlov's Dog, but with weed. Mmm, is that a dead skunk that spoiled in the sun? Who else is salivating, now?

      Delete
  8. Yeah, my BFF in Co is always whining to me how bad the air is. Co-workers bringing their special brownies to work--even the pets are high. 😉

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just crazy how high everyone is, right? Constant car crashes (at 10 mph). Birds drop out of the sky. And yes, the poor pets. Mine will just stare at nothing for hours. Probably contemplating their own existence.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/WezDk0p.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  9. I love the increasingly wacky names for the tobacky.
    On the one hand I want to say you're perpetuating shitty stereotypes. On the other hand, you're 100% correct. (^:
    Toke on, my west-ish side friends, may your smoke spread far and wide and your eyes be bloodshot and droopy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you know that it took everything in our power not to make a "Hitler's birthday" reference. That just felt cheap.

      I do hope one of these terms takes off. To think, we could be credited on the Internet for creating a really dumb name for marijuana!

      Delete
  10. I can barely see to type through my tears from laughing. Just when I think you guys can't get funnier, you come up with things like "jazz cabbage" and "Antichrist's asparagus" and I can hardly control myself.

    Back in the bad ol' days, my college roommate (still one of my best friends to this day) and I used to record ourselves after coming home from a night out, and then we'd listen to it the next day and laugh our butts off. What passed for normal conversation the night before was some of the best comedy routine we couldn't write if we tried. We still quote each other from some of those tapes. (Yes, haha, cassette tapes were all the rage at one time . . .)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you met a hipster? Cassette tapes are still all the rage NOW.

      I kind of want to do that the next time we drink. And I also kind of don't. I don't want to know what drunk me thinks. He's kind of an idiot (he's a great dancer, though, or so he tells me).

      Delete
  11. Canada has just introduced legislation to legalize marijuana throughout the country by July 1, 2018. But in the time between now and then, people will still be arrested for illegal grow-ops and sales. Some are upset by this and think enforcement of the current law should be ceased immediately.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is kind of weird, isn't it? "Weed is perfectly fine, but we decided it's not perfectly fine until 2018, so if you get caught with weed in between then, you're a criminal."

      Like, back in the late 90s my cousin was arrested because she was in possession of 1 ounce of marijuana. She just really liked to smoke, but because it was 1 ounce, she was charged with 'intent to distribute' and got sentenced to SEVEN years in prison. She missed her son growing up. Most places won't hire her. Her life has essentially been ruined.

      Nowadays, though, 1 ounce is the legal limit you can possess. So what was worth 7 years in jail just 20 years ago is now perfectly fine today (which it should have always been, honestly).

      I know this comment isn't funny, but it's crazy to think about how just because something is a law, it doesn't mean it's necessarily right or good. And that even though the law changed, someone like my cousin still has a criminal drug charge on her record that will never go away.

      Delete
  12. Ooooohhhhh! I have one! Evil eggplant.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That sounds exactly like something that someone who smokes the fallen angel's fern would say.

      Delete
    2. Not since... I don't remember. It's been awhile though.

      Delete
  13. I just bought a big container of green stuff at Safeway. It says it has spinach, romaine, arugula... Man, such weird names.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You WOULD be one to indulge in the sinner's salad. I'll have to admit, I tried arugula on pizza once, and now I'm on meth. It's crazy how it's just all connected.

      Delete
    2. If you haven't tried it, mind you, I would strongly recommend it (arugula on pizza, not meth).

      Delete
  14. I love the names you use for the weed. Well thunk up. I have been wondering about medical marijuana. I know someone who has it, not sure what the law is here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've heard it work wonders on people who truly need it for things like pain management. I've also heard it work wonders for guys who look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo and use it for "chronic headaches." No one seems worse for wear, though, so I guess it's all good.

      Delete
  15. This made me wish I was high. All the alliteration, "they're front-rhymes, man." I think I will from now on call it jazz cabbage. It reminds me of an old letter the archivist at my work found from 1963 where he calls people with untucked shirts pejoratively, "Calypso singers."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I will now forever call people with untucked shirts Calypso singers.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/XBvdZ7s.jpg[/im]

      Old timey bigots do make me giggle so.

      Delete
    2. This guy sounds like he's jealous. . .is it only white women who are so easily swayed?

      Delete
    3. Well, you gals DO have smaller brains than men.

      (according to this guy, I'm sure)

      Delete
  16. Marijuana: the gateway drug. That's why I'm a heroin, meth, and coke addict all at the same time. One toke and I was a goner.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I bet you still smoke the devil's lettuce, too, don't you? Because we all know it's highly addictive.

      "I used to do drugs. I still do drugs, but I used to, too." - Mitch Hedberg

      Delete
  17. If people could get high smoking collard greens, we'd triple your numbers in one day. Plus more women would look attractive. Because we have a lot of what can only be described as collards-eatin'-women here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmm, do they have weed goggles the same way they have beer goggles? As stated above, we aren't smokers, so I guess we haven't experienced the magic that is smoking a 4 up to a 10.

      Delete
  18. What I find about the pot in Colorado issue is, 1) there is no issue, nothing much has changed, but 2) it's the first question from everyone I know/meet from out of the state, literally, "so what's it like with all the pot there?". Now I have your blog to direct them to so I don't have to answer again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're always happy to help.

      And I'll tell you, it's amazing that you were able to fight through all the dust storms and drag yourself to one of the last functioning computers to post your comment.

      And me? I actually had to kill a guy today! Legal weed is craaaazy.

      Delete
  19. Just feel like sharing a story from the old days. Getting high in a friend's '70 Chevelle on the way to the lake. Suddenly a truck horn Blares.

    Driver: JEZUZ KRIST! We're going 40 MPH in the fast lane on I-69!!!!"

    Truck Driver: "They're going to make a loud bumping sound when I run them over."

    Me: "Glad I'm not driving. Wish Dave wasn't, either."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Dave? Dave's not here, man."

      (Sorry. I had to.)

      Delete
  20. Woah...what you wrote here is deep man. I mean....wait what was I saying??? Hitler's leaf devil cabbage from Krampus's unholy ground of muck will soon be legal here and we are counting the days! Actually, we can get medical evil weed now if we show all the medical reasons why. Woah! I just saw Cheech and Chong on the Seth Meyer's show...oh wait it was Trump and Clinton....my mistake

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you've just made me realize that the whole election process and the current state of affairs would be infinitely better had our choices just been Cheech or Chong 2016. Which ultimately would have just been Cheech AND Chong, since the loser would have clearly been the winner's VP.

      Delete
  21. I read a medical article the other day about the "Miracle" properties of marijuana. The article said that it DOES help with swelling due to arthritis and is does help with pain for a particular type of cancer, but that is it. Any other claim has never been proven.

    But that doesn't stop people from saying it can take care of everything from brain lesions to juvenile diabetes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Which is why weed shouldn't be treated any differently than alcohol. Another miracle cure depending on the time of day.

      "Oh, I'm just drinking my daily glass of red wine, because that cures heart disease and fights cancer cells and lowers your blood sugar. Man, who knew getting drunk is SO GOOD FOR YOU."

      Delete
  22. Hey man I've got to bounce, l've left some beer on the table for you guys to get strung out on, but I'm not sure this risky weed venture is for me. The cops are onto us, I dont want to be discouraging but I've got other ahhh commitments, peace out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no, the cops aren't trying to bust us, they're just seeing if they can score some of that weed off of us. They're like, our biggest customers, man. If you had to deal with the stoners that they deal with on a regular basis, you'd want to be high, too.

      Delete
  23. You have to get points for thinking up all the 'evil' names for a plant that's been around for some time. It was called 'tea' back in the early jazz days, or jive. I want to come and see if the pollution or weedified air is as bad as the pollution used to be in Los Angeles. I thought Colorado had nice clean mountain air. I do support access to the weed for those who find it helps them and although someone mentioned it being legalized in Canada, we are hearing still about all the evils that are 'gonna come raining down' on us. The police want new equipment for testing, the workplaces want to know how to deal with it, but the whole intent is to reduce the gangbusters and take away some of the Hell's Angels income. It's progress man, it's a herb. As for meth, that's some dangerous stuff - rots your brain and your teeth. . .Good job, guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After hearing about the evils of marijuana for so long, now I'm questioning if meth is really THAT bad. Like, maybe that's just big pharma trying to keep meth down from the people that could use its curative properties.

      (Please random people that see this comment realize that I'm just joking I SWEAR)

      Delete
  24. You seem to have confused true facts with actual facts, factual facts, alternative facts, and altered reality.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I think my favourite part of this, other than the metric fuckton of sarcasm, was all the different names for Beelzebub's buds. I knew Colorado had become a hellhole since the legalisation of pot. I just needed the right alternative facts to prove me right.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's right, Colorado is a hellhole, so anyone reading this that's thinking of moving to Colorado, feel free to NOT move to Colorado (which is already pretty crowded) and move somewhere else and leave all of this peaceful, green beauty uh I mean dry dystopia to us. Please?

      Delete
  26. I laughed at all of those names you came up with for weed. So funny. I think legalizing weed can be a good thing if it's done right. I just don't want it getting into the schools but how do you do that with the edibles? That's got to be tough. "Hey kid, break me off some of your brownie." Next thing you know, the history teacher is stoned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually haven't heard of a single issue of weed being in schools, edibles or otherwise. Pro tip, though: don't ever take brownies or cookies from strangers. It probably won't end well.

      Delete
  27. Cool names, dudes. I've heard the use of wacky weed brings out your creative side. And a note to Elsie's comment above. I was teacher for 34 years. All teachers went to college. All teachers know better than to ever eat a brownie offered to you by a student. Or the parents of a student. Or, better to just never eat brownies. At school.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The few times I've tried the jazz cabbage, it doesn't make me feel creative. At all. It just makes me really tired and lazy. Needless to say, none of our books will be fueled by Beelzebub's bok choy.

      Delete
  28. You forgot Wiccan Weed, Gangsta Gumbo, Jay Tokenstein, morning meds (wake and bake), African woodbine, Green goddess, Rasta rutabaga, etc., but you came up with some good ones. I get the munchies just thinking about it. Maybe I'm about due for a road trip to the centennial state.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I tip my hat to you for all of those amazing names. Well, I WOULD tip my hat to you, if I remembered where I put it. Or if I even had a hat. Being high all the time is NOT good for your short or longterm memory.

      Delete
  29. This is too funny! The names you guys have for this stuff are hilarious! All I can say, is that I'm so glad Weed cures cancer. What a breakthrough! I guess we can tolerate a little extra air pollution for such a wonder drug!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I took up smoking cigarettes just so that I could have the pleasure of blasting all of those cancer cells with some Dr. THC.

      Delete
  30. Having just moved from one wacky-tabacky state (Oregon) to Another (Colorado) I laughed my butt off reading this. The only time I had decent air quality was when I was flying high in the sky above Utah.

    ~Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle
    #AtoZChallenge 1970's Billboard Hits (you must be *this* high to fully enjoy!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. Your comment is really well put together, considering how high out of your brain you must be from even just being in the same state as us. I just came from an hour of doing yardwork outdoors, and the contact high was so crazy that I'm now typing this out on my toaster.

      I hope it doesn't burn the comment.

      Delete
  31. These are the worst slang terms for Mephistopheles' mower clippings that I've ever heard!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAryFIuRxmQ

      Delete
  32. 100% true fact: I looked at that first photo and thought, "Wait - is that Beijing?"

    I think the only reason we didn't take advantage of your law when we visited your state was the fact that, smoking it where it is legal to do so does not matter if you fail a drug test where it is IL-legal! (And Brett worked in a place that did random drug testing.)

    The whole country must get on board with Colorado we can all mellow out!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, isn't that funny? Every place my wife has ever worked has still conducted drug testing, including marijuana. Now, my wife doesn't smoke, but some of her coworkers do, and they've learned quickly that even though weed is legal, employers do not have to recognize that and still can fire people at will if they have THC in their systems, even if it's from smoking OFF hours on their own time.

      That's just crazy to me. Like, imagine getting fired because you drank a beer last night at the bar with your friends.

      Delete
  33. I am here laughing my ass off at your names for weed. I had no idea there was such a huge demand for it here until the shops that spring up like Starbucks all stayed open. There are even "premium" pot shops for snobs.

    My boyfriend and I were just talking about the crime thing, actually, surmising that maybe stoners would get busted stealing each other's Cheetos, and that would be the hardest core criminals only.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the amount of dispensaries here is CRAZY. They spring up like weeds (har), and yet even if one is literally across the street from another, they're always packed. And yes, they even have snobby, highend ones, for the stoner with the refined... palate? The refined smoker's lung? I don't know how that works.

      Delete
  34. OMG - the irony is that I visited Colorado about 25 years ago, and loved it BEFORE all the hullabaloo of the grassy ganga. I can't stop laughing at this post, which is way cool! Happy Saturday! Hugs...RO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Colorado is a very cool place, and legal weed isn't even in my top ten of cool things we have here. I prefer hiking and trail running and all of the great outdoorsy things you definitely can't do while baked.

      Happy Saturday to you, too!

      Delete
  35. Hahah this made me laugh! I live in a country where weed is legal too, and we're actually closing most prisons because there's just not enough crime

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow. I wish we had that kind of "problem" here. I'm sure you've heard, but our prisons are pretty packed.

      Delete
  36. It's legal here in Vegas now too. I know a crazy guy who really believes that if he smokes enough of it that he'll never get cancer because as we all know, Satan's Spinach cures cancer. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yeah, I need to throw that around as an excuse. "My poor grandpa, he died of cancer a few years back. Yeah, if only he'd smoked the devil's lettuce, maybe he'd still be around, but he just sought out medical treatment at a hospital like a complete chump."

      Delete
  37. Haven't read any other comments yet but -- CHEECH Y CHONG'S UNHOLY TROUSERS! -- this was definitely one of your best blog bits "EVAH!" (As Max Cady would say.)

    >>... Lucifer's lavender
    rapper's romaine
    jazz cabbage
    getting giggly on Buddha's baked begonias
    Satan's shrub
    Beelzebub's broccoli
    Hitler's hibiscus
    Antichrist's asparagus
    the fornicator's flower
    devil's dandelion
    Satan's spinach
    Krampus's collard greens


    (Where was Mary's Jane? Just too plain Jane, I s'pose.)

    Damn! It was like Dylan died & went to the Alliterative Apothecary!

    BTW, I always get "Krampus's collard greens" every time it's "that time o' da month" for me.

    >>... Cheech and Chong Afterparty.

    Ha!-Ha! You KNOW I did not steal "Beam me up, Cheech y Chong" from that, right? I was at Pigeon Head Brewing Company, I swear it! Nanook will vouch for me. ...Oh, wait. ...Poor Nanook, that dog be gone, doggone it!

    It's too bad that "delicious bean burrito" wasn't a delicious Ramona's Chile Relleno or Hot Green Chile burrito -- but I'm just nitpicking Peter Piper's pickle now.

    Blog Bit grade: R

    R for "Arrgghhh, matey! You 'bogart'd' the humor!"

    ~ Stephen
    Kigh As A Hite In Reno
    (I thanks you, Westerly Wind!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, the idiot I mugged and killed was too busy smoking the rapper's rancid relleno, so he was stuck with a 99 cent bean burrito from 7-Eleven. Just further proof that those who smoke the gangsta's green chile have terrible taste in everything.

      Delete
  38. When I lived in Durango, it was my understanding that smoking the devil's weed was mandatory. They used to literally kick people out of Durango for not being high enough. Of course, that was never necessary for me or anyone I knew. That was in 1923, before Durango joined Colorado, back when Durango was still a part of Jamaica.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's unfortunate that you never smoked the Durango Dirtgrass, because that's how you initiate your vision quest, wander out into the sand dunes until you can hear Bob Marley, and then become a man.

      It works for women, too. Only in reverse.

      (If you were high, you would totally get that and it would blow your mind, mon)

      Delete
    2. I think we did the Farmington freegrass, which was the same only cheaper. And I am now a Man/Woman thing that roams the four corners in constant despair.

      Delete
  39. Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy, The Wedding Singer and possibly... Mr Deeds.

    Name the good Adam Sandler films?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I loved those movies as a kid. I did. My greatest fear is that I'll go back and watch them now that I'm an adult and realize that Adam Sandler has never been funny; I was just an immature idiot at one time.

      I don't want to ruin the "1990s Adam Sandler was hilarious" fantasy I'm still clutching onto.

      Delete
    2. It's understandable, but I trust in the strength of those films. Particularly The Wedding Singer.

      Delete
  40. Dudes, you're so lucky. I'm still living in the only state where they don't allow alcohol sales on Sunday. I think if they even mentioned legalizing marijuana, the whole state government might collapse in on itself... which might be a good thing.

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    Replies
    1. Funny story: here in Colorado you can literally buy and smoke weed from a store that's about as commonly found as a Starbucks, but you still can't buy alcohol in a grocery store or a Wal-mart like most other places in the nation. You can ONLY get it from a liquor store.

      Why? Is it morals? Don't ask me. We're all too high to figure it out.

      Delete
    2. You know- we recently allowed grocery stores to sell liquor (In Washington State)... now they tax it like crazy... No fun. Keep your Liquor Stores. Cheaper stuff.

      Unless you can get the taxing right.

      Delete
    3. And here, the reason it's still not legal is because all of the liquor store owners insist they'll go out of business if grocery stores sell it cheaper.

      I guess cheap booze will always be out of our grasp.

      Delete
  41. Happy 4/20! I know I'm late to the party. ....maybe because of weed?

    Ugh, but seriously - I have angry fights with people over weed legalization. It's just a plant! It's less dangerous than alcohol! GET THESE POOR PEOPLE OUT OF PRISON ALREADY!!

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    Replies
    1. Funny that you say that, because I just saw this hilarious propaganda article on Yahoo (what do you expect) that talked about this poor grieving mother, and how her son smoked marijuana until it RUINED HIS LIFE, and then he KILLED HIMSELF because he was "addicted" to the marijuanas and it destroyed him with its dangerous, toxic properties until it MADE HIM want to end his own life.

      Yes, the jazz cabbage was definitely responsible for 100% of his problems in life and it couldn't at all have been neglected mental health issues...

      The fact that people (and even some in the mainstream media) still think marijuana is some kind of meth-lite that's addictive and destroys lives horrifies us both.

      Delete
  42. Would it be bad to admit that I kind of believe the Tourist statistic? XD

    ReplyDelete
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    1. What if we're just two tourists, trying to trick everyone into thinking we're natives, when really we're just here for the weed and don't want to look like posers?

      Delete
  43. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wrong, spambot 3000. Anyone here over the age of 21 can buy it for whatever the fuck they want.

      Learn2spam bro.

      Delete
  44. The Idea that an Adam Sandler movie is amusing has massive ramifications of our society today.

    We have the same problems you have here in Washington State- the Other Green State.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. How sad that that's now become Washington's official name - "The Other Green State."

      Delete
  45. Morbid. And yet funny. A great combination. Especially when someone is high. Are you guys high?!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm so high I can smell the space/time continuum.

      Delete
  46. What if this turns out to be true? Shudder.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stranger things have happened. Like people demonizing a plant that just makes you dumb and lazy for a little bit.

      Delete
  47. The recreational pot is now legal in California too so we'll take off some of Colorado's burden. Actually we probably won't be taking it off as much as taking a lot of it back. Of course medicinal stuff has been available for a long time here and everyone's got a prescription. Damn, after next Jan when the pot stores open up here I guess the pot docs will be out of business. Or maybe they'll move into the medicinal LSD or cocaine business?

    Legal pot shops right here close to me. I can hardly wait. Seriously.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I, for one, can't WAIT for medicinal cocaine. We all need a little doctor prescribed pick-me-up throughout the day*!

      Here, before legal weed, we also had the medicinal kind, and yes, getting a card for that was beyond easy. All you had to do was say you got headaches (without any proof, but wrinkling your brow and remembering how painful it was sure helped) and boom, you could buy medical marijuana at any dispensary.

      People were always going to smoke it. We just removed the cheesy acting requirements.

      *Internet police: that was just a joke. A JOKE.

      Delete
    2. Well, I'm not joking when I say they should legalize all drugs. We'd eliminate the national debt and everyone would calm down a bit. And the police could actually focus on real crime.

      Arlee Bird
      Tossing It Out

      Delete
  48. Did you think I had died? Obviously, not of a marijuana overdose. Even if that was a thing, it wouldn't be legal to smoke it here. Kansas being the back-assward state it is, I am not thinking that it is being considered. Although for full disclosure, I have given up listening to any and all news so I actually have no idea what is happening in the world. Be sure to let me know when medical cocaine becomes legal. Wait!!! Are there Internet police?????

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, glad to hear you're not dead! Or haven't been arrested by the Internet police. That's totally a thing. How else do you think people lose their jobs and can never find work again because of one small thing they once said on the Internet?

      Not all of the medicinal meth in the world can treat mob mentality.

      Delete