Wednesday, March 15, 2017

#26 - Always Consult Your Doctor



Hey, with health insurance costing as much as $1,000 per month for a plan with a $10,000 deductible, sometimes you just have to go to someone like "Doctor" Madam Zelda instead. For only $9.99 we learned the sex of the baby, and according to her in-office tarot reading we also learned that Brandon Jr. (name pending) "will have an encounter with a mysterious stranger that will result in life altering events." I mean, how neat is that?

So you heard the Magic 8-Ball! It's a boy! And the Magic 8-Ball never lies (except when it does).

Now you should probably congratulate Brandon. Which is weird, because when you say, "Congratulations!" on it being a boy, that's kind of like saying "Ugh, thank GOD it's not a girl."

And that's downright sexist and intolerant of you. So now that I've painted you into a corner, good luck on coming up with something to comment below.


Note: While we're both incredibly busy with real life, we hope you don't mind this blog being more lazy web-comic based until we can free up more time. And if you do mind... one of us is having a baby and the other is creating the next American pop star, so cut us some slack, yeah?

115 comments:

  1. Zhe's not even born yet and you're already putting labels on zhim.

    If zhe is a 32-year-old African-American female tennis player when zhe is born, I trust you will love zhim anyway.

    And congratulations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, I'm an AWFUL parent. Not just because I misgendered my unborn child, but because Brandon Jr. is a TERRIBLE name for a 32 year old African American female tennis player.

      Delete
  2. Congrats! Although, assuming the child is going to identify as a male just because of the visible ding-a-ling is highly intolerant of you.

    Also, I'm going to keep my eyes peeled for a Mafam Zelda around me. I want to know what this weird rash is, but I also want to know when I can expect to win the lottery. Killing two stones with one bone or what have you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brandon Jr., 13 years old: "Dad, will you please stop calling me 'zhe'? I just want you to acknowledge that I'm a boy."
      Brandon: "No, son-or-daughter, I can't. You see, I don't want to misgender you. I want you to make your own gender decisions... when you're an adult. So we'll talk about this again in 5 years."

      Delete
  3. Really? Congrats, but hey isn't the medical program being 'trumped up' so its' new and improved? (Ha.) We are having trouble keeping docs in Canada. They want to go to the states to practice where they can charge much higher rates than what is allowed in our socialized medicine. Only the good stay, the greedy go south.

    An ultrasound would be better to increase the 'guess' odds of the little one, I wouldn't trust that 8 ball at all. Hope the wife has an easy time of it, but the first trimester is the worst. . .(all the body changes). Good luck and good health to mom and baby-to-be!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, really. And no, no amount of Trumpery can fix our awful system. As long as doctors can charge through the roof and insurance can also charge through the roof (while deciding they aren't going to cover squat) we're all rightly screwed.

      I still love the YouTube video of the guy describing how it's cheaper to blow out your knee, fly to Spain, get it replaced, learn Spanish for 4 years, run with the bulls, get it blown out again, replace it again, and then fly back to the US than it is to just get it replaced here in the United States.

      Good times, good times.
      (As long as no one gets sick or injured)

      Delete
  4. Congratulations on not having to pay for the wedding when he gets married!
    Our health insurance is actually pretty good. Some things are covered a hundred percent. Thank God we never had to get Obamacare - I'd checked and our yearly cost would've gone from $2500 to almost $8000 thanks to being in the upper middle class gets screwed bracket.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, I paid for my own wedding. What a ripoff. :(

      And also (stolen from our Twitter), I'm on this great health insurance plan where I don't go to the doctor under any condition and just pray I don't die.

      Delete
  5. Well, Chiz stole the bit I was going to use (about what gender the baby would identify with), but I will ad that you are not only being intolerant but insensitive.

    I agree that $1,000 a month is a lot, and psychic wellness is only the tip of the alternative medicine iceberg.

    You want to make sure that child identifies as a male, you want to start the leeching sessions pretty soon after birth....bleed those gender-confused demons right out!

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, if he's a boy then it's okay that I'm being insensitive because he needs that to be a strong man. If he's a girl, though, I can't be insensitive to her because I need to help her be emotionally strong.

      Is your head spinning yet?

      Also, the gender-confused demon identifies as a demoness, and you'd be wise to refer to her as such.

      Delete
    2. And there's the problem of what gender leech do you use...

      Delete
    3. As a big believer in affirmative action I can tell you that I only use queer female leeches of color.

      Delete
  6. Costs a ton to have a kid down there, magic 8-ball sure sounds like a winner indeed. Should we also be congratulating Brandon? Wouldn't that be shaming women who do 9 months of work while he gets the fun part? Somewhere some feminst or PC nut may be giving you the hairy eyeball.

    I'll say congrats to all, cats, dogs, mother, father, grandparents, uncles, aunts...neighbors...rats...plants? That covers it and I'm so PC yippeee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH NO I THOUGHT I COVERED ALL OF MY BASES BUT I FORGOT TO MENTION CONGRATULATING HIS WIFE. SWEET CHRISTMAS WHAT HAVE I DONE?

      Soon, the social justice warriors will come to spill blood. And when they do, I have to remember one thing.
      *cocks shotgun*
      I did this to myself.

      Delete
  7. Congratulations on your baby.

    I guess you haven't gotten the memo, but the science is settled on this. What is the science you ask? Genitalia doesn't actually determine the sex of your baby. So, the awful truth is that you won't know for YEARS what sex your child actually is. It turns out that gender is determined by what we think we are. So, your child could be a male, female, gender-neutral (which could make using a restroom really tough, but I bet that is solved in a few years), or possibly a turtle. I know that latter seems improbable, but it's not outside the realm. How do I know this? Because I've heard repeatedly that the science is settled. How can you argue with that???

    But congrats on whatever you've got cooking in there. I'm sure it will be awesome. And maybe it will be a turtle. I hear they are super low maintenance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A turtle? No! That'd be just awful!

      ...I wanted a cat.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLmwLcLikXQ

      Delete
    2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTfEfGY8xsM

      Delete
    3. I don't know how Inside Edition found the first lady. Someone who insisted on traveling on all fours couldn't actually leave their home. You know... doors. She's a cat only when it suits her. Bryan, this is FAKE NEWS.

      Hahaha.

      Delete
    4. If she was a real catperson, she'd shit in a litterbox and make her boyfriend scoop it up.

      What do you want to bet she doesn't do that, either?

      Delete
    5. I'm betting she doesn't have a BOYFRIEND!!!

      Delete
    6. And I'm betting she can still find someone willing to put up with her crazy shit if she puts out.

      FUN FACT: In the video she points out that she likes to crawl around and meow at the window. But cats don't meow at themselves, or at other cats. Adult cats actually only meow in the presence of humans. They evolved this language specifically FOR humans. So if she's meowing to herself, it's because she's acknowledging that she's human.

      The science is settled.

      Delete
    7. http://giphy.com/gifs/mic-d0NnEG1WnnXqg

      Delete
    8. That GIF would've been much funnier had it actually inserted here. Gah.

      FAIL.

      Delete
    9. Here you go. Don't forget the IM tags. Also, it needs to be the file itself (.gif extension), not GIPHY's website.

      [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/d0NnEG1WnnXqg/giphy.gif[/im]

      Delete
    10. Regarding the cat girl....I guess it is common for feral Norwegian cats to have face piercings. I knew it was a wealthy country, but COME ON!

      Delete
    11. FUN FACT: my boy dog has a Prince Albert. Really makes that red rocket shine.

      Delete
    12. That hurts just to think about it....

      Delete
  8. Oh just you wait for that little son-of-a-Brandon to enter his puberty years. If you haven't managed to get the proper physical restraints and Pavlovian responses in place by then, he'll be beyond untamable. Secure your valuables. Secure yourself. And most importantly, hide anything that looks even remotely fuckable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So what I'm getting out of this is... Hide yo' valuables, hide yo' kids, hide yo' self, because he's rapin' errybody out here?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RerEWVMdUHo

      Delete
  9. >>..."Now you should probably congratulate Brandon"

    Congratulations to Brandon on the boy he's having!

    Is his wife also having a boy, or is she having a girl? Now they just need a dog, a cat, a white picket fence and a .5 child to be the perfect family.

    I got a Chinese fortune cookie yesterday. It said: "You will need to carefully watch your finances for a time (lifetime). Your lucky number is 13. Your vibrationally compatible color is black."

    Call me psychic, but I don't feel positive about my future. I think I'll go back to the bottle.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Check out my new blog @
    (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brandon's having a boy, but his wife is having a border-demifluid ectogender. He/she/zher/them/it is going to have a supremely confusing childhood.

      And consider yourself lucky. My last fortune cookie called me a prostitute.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/3Po67tv.png[/im]

      Delete
  10. Congrats to the parents to be. My mom used to tell me that when the baby is born the new father should not only bring a present for the baby but he should bring a personal present for the mother too, since she did all the work. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I know you just carried a human being inside of your body for 9 months and then agonizingly pushed it out, so I'd like to present you with a $5 Starbucks gift card and a hand-drawn coupon for 1 free back massage, redeemable between the hours of 6pm and 9pm."

      (Smooth, Brandon, smooth)

      Delete
  11. How exciting! Congratulations. FYI, we named our older son after my husband, and wish we hadn't. Having the same name, even though one is a Junior, led to a number of annoying mix-ups over the years. (Not that YOUR son would ever have financial problems as a young man that'd mess with YOUR stellar credit report... )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I highly doubt he'll be called Brandon Jr. That's just kind of a placeholder right now. But on the bright side, he also won't be called Pilot Inspektor or Ka-Lel or Audio Science* either, so he's got that going for him.

      *real celebrity baby names

      Delete
  12. Zir's sex will be determined on birth, or on when zir grows up and decides which sex fascinates zir most. (Courtesy of Tanya Huff). I had an insurance a bit like that when we lived in the States for a while. I am so glad we are back in Canada even if the dental bills still hurt like hell.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dentist? What's that? You can afford those things in Canada?
      *tooth falls out of skull*
      Ah, crap, where's the super glue?

      Delete
  13. Congrats on having a baby of the human variety! At least "Doctor" Madam Zelda confirmed that...or did she? did you get any "Reply hazy try again"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I asked if he was a dinosaur and got "Better not tell you now", so we're still holding out hope that he's a bouncing baby t-rex.

      Delete
  14. Don't trust that fraud Doctor Madam Zelda and her Magic 8 Ball. Here's the ONLY reliable way to determine a baby's sex in the womb. Tie your wife's wedding ring to the end of a string and hold it motionless by the other end above her pregnant belly. If the ring starts to rotate in a circular motion, it's a girl. If it swings back and forth in a line, it's a boy. Sheesh, you Millennials. You don't know squat. AND you're all a buncha whiners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay, now knowing this definitive science, I can't help but feel that "Doctor" Madam Zelda MAY have taken us all for a ride.

      Delete
    2. Yes, precisely why you must always listen to us wise Baby Boomer advisors.

      Delete
  15. I think a boy is the perfect choice for a child named Brandon Jr. Congratulations! May he be a leader of men!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, Brandina also has a nice ring to it.

      No wait, no it doesn't.

      Delete
    2. Wow...I had no idea CW was so gender-biased.

      Leader of men?

      Delete
    3. Sorry, forgot what the new acronym for what used to be "human beings" is. I don't have that great college education like David Cay Johnston.

      Delete
    4. You two have displayed such honorable sportspersonship here that I now have faith in hupersonity.

      Delete
  16. Having had both...
    No, wait, I'll choose to take the 5th.
    The 5th of what, I'm not sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'll take a 5th child? A 5th sister-wife? You animal, you!

      Delete
  17. Oh, but, you know, congrats!
    It will totally change your life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Free slave labor for life? Uh, yeah, life is about to be 100% more awesome!

      Delete
  18. One of the reasons why I don't want a kid right now is hopstial bills. Unless the baby is born Canadian, British, French, or in any of the other 1st world countries that have universal health care which is ALL OF THEM.

    But the Mister Sean Hannity says it's bad on the Fox News.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. but yeah gender shouldn't really be a "congrats" thing. They do that kind of shit in China and India. Never works out for the girls.

      Delete
    2. Thanks! We were going to end up paying out the ass anyway. Plus diapers, food, college... What can you do? - Brandon

      I just don't have children because they're a toxic parasite that robs you of money, sleep, and time that you can never get back. But congratulations to Brandon! - Bryan

      Delete
  19. Take a good look at that magic 8-ball and remember, something that size is soon to be coming out of your wife. That's reason #1 to be happy for little Brandon Jr: that something like that won't happen to him! (Unless they greatly enhance gender reassignment surgery in the future.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someday soon in the future:
      Wife: "Oh no, I'm not carrying the damn thing. We're getting YOU the womb implant and YOU'RE gonna carry it."
      Guy: Fuck my life.
      TECHNOLOGY HAS GONE TOO FAR

      Delete
  20. Replies
    1. Yes, but a baby WHAT?

      Well, there will be plenty of time for it to decide.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    2. I'm hoping for a baby giraffe. Those things are adorable.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/02/5c/c9/025cc9c0e3a493d0c01f1600d75191d8.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  21. Congrats on making the future best ever pop star!
    I love kids. All I do is nanny and dance. Having a child would scare the shit out of me. Your reaction to the alleged tarot reading...ahahaa. You're ready for a child, contrary to myself. It will be awesome, and dont turn into a stay at home mom blog.
    Post the hilarious shit he does in comics. I'm now sincerely excited...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only one of us has kids, so I'll be damned if this ever gets turned into a mommy blog. And as an uncle, I get to draw about the gross, hilarious shit that Brandon Jr. does while never having to experience it first-hand. We all win!

      Delete
  22. So when are you moving to Canada? We don't have to worry about having to pay for our health care via some ass kicking insurance plus maternity leave is up to a year! All we have to do is show our health card and that's that! Congrats on your new baby to be.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Canada - land of hockey, beer, and poutine. And manners. And free healthcare. Holy crap. Why DON'T we live there?

      Delete
    2. We also brought in Superman...just saying:)

      Delete
    3. Gee, if there's really such a thing as "free" healthcare, why don't we just have "free" EVERYTHING? Right? I mean, why stop at healthcare if the magic potion has been discovered that makes expensive things "free"?

      Can't believe nobody ain't tawt of this before.

      Check out my new blog @
      (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

      Delete
    4. "Free Love" certainly isn't free - especially if one contracts one of those 'specialty' diseases

      ~Mary
      Jingle Jangle Jungle

      Delete
    5. Forget diseases - I had to pay for a ring, a wedding, food, shelter, gifts... this is the most expensive love I've ever paid for.

      Delete
  23. Excuse me but did you just assume his baby's gender? What kind of cis-scum shitlord are you? Gender is a social construct. Oh no, I just assumed Brandon's gender too! Oh this is bad.

    Okay on a more serious note, congratulations! I don't care if that basically means "Thank god it's not a girl" because I don't want daughters. I have nothing against girls, but I just know I'm going to be an overprotective dad and I don't fancy doing jail time for keeping a collection of the hands men use to touch my daughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "These are the hands men used to touch my daughter." Just say that and show off the display case, and no one will ever touch her again. You're a damned genius.

      Yeah, that's right, I assumed that your theoretical daughter identified as a girl. BOOM! YOU JUST GOT CISSED, SON!

      Delete
  24. A boy? That's, uh, whatever your feelings are regarding that outcome! I think. I mean, that's, uh, swell. Unless that is a disappointment, in which case, hey, maybe gender isn't a strict binary. I was going to go with a picture of a meme of a gender fluid baby, but why not this thing:
    [im]http://www.funnyjunk.com/Team+fortress+2/funny-pictures/5766411/3#3[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My feelings are not negative! Hurray!

      Also, I feel like you were choosing to be salty by embedding the webpage rather than the picture link.
      [im]http://static2.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Always+a+pleasure+having+nice+people+on+your+server+_03261c8a18652956c092a7cfbaff0b66.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  25. I'm confused. Did we just find out Brandon's gender or the baby's or the stranger who is going to cause a life altering event? I'm even more confused because I haven't had much sleep and my son's name is Brandon and I want to be called Nana! Cheers to whatever the baby's gender may be and may your hospital bill be low!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe the answers to your questions are yes, I wouldn't count on it, it is certain, response hazy, and Wednesday. You're welcome, Nana.

      Delete
  26. YIPPEEE!! It's a boy. Are you sure? Cuz magic 8 Ball and all the pregnant women's friends always say, "I just know. I can feel it. It's gonna be a boy." The world is sexist that way. And yeah, I'm thrilled for you, cuz boys are more fun than those whiny, moody, prissy little girls. Watch out for the pee, though. I hear it can catch ya by surprise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are definitely sure. The Magic 8-Ball may lie, but the Magic Ultrasound never does.

      And thankfully, I got myself a 'pee-mask', so I'm safe from any rogue pee streams. Bring it on!
      [im]https://www.millerwelds.com/-/media/miller-electric/imported-mam-assets/product-images/5/6/f/267370_weld-mask_silver_rf.jpg?mw=445&mh=445&hash=36BB4E7DD1E8D8C1FC150018FE2644A373706387[/im]

      Delete
  27. Sexism be damned, congratulations Brandon! Boys are so much easier to raise (I sure hope my daughter doesn't see this), but it's true. So much less drama and eye-rolling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't remember rolling my eyes so hard they would threaten to eject out of my skull as a teenager, so you may be onto something. I didn't even sigh dramatically, either. Cheers to 18 years of relaxing and kicking back and doing almost nothing (yeah right)!

      Delete
  28. May you be blessed with many sons.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whoa, whoa, let's start with the one and see how things go. I'm not looking to start a small militia.

      Delete
  29. B&B:
    Nice to hear it's a boy, but as long as the baby's HEALTHY, doesn't matter much WHICH sex you get (as long as it's not transgendered out of the chute...lol.
    THAT could cause it's OWN unique issues, starting with the viewing area at the hospital.
    I mean, WHAT COLOR BLANKET do you wrap the infant in anyway?
    (I'd opt for a nice light PURPLE in that case...just to cover all the bases).

    And your point about healthcare...SPOT ON.
    Maybe you could name the child AUDI and get AUTO INSURANCE...it's WAY cheaper.
    Just a thought.

    Good post (and great cartoons as usual).

    Stay safe (and as classy as life will allow) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I think we'll wrap him in a green blanket just to confuse people.

      "Oh... what is that?"
      "Space alien. Yours?"

      Delete
  30. Congratulations! Wait until the child is at least 10 to let them decide which gender they want to be. Maybe by then the country will have this whole bathroom situation figured out.

    ~Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! At 10 I wanted to be a Ninja Turtle, so I'm not so sure that's the right age to make decisions like what gender you'll be, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there, won't we?

      Delete
    2. Ha! When I was 5 I wanted to be a kitten. I'd lie on the sidewalk and meow at everyone as they walked by.
      Whatever gender the child chooses to be, at least with this latest generation, you know they are going to get plenty of participation trophies!

      Delete
    3. I've already baked one of these for his first last place 'achievement' in track and field.

      [im]http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/038/787/4d4.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  31. Why are we congratulating Brandon? All he did was get lucky. It's Mrs. Brandon that has to go through all the pain, suffering, nausea, discomfort, and put up with Brandon. The poor woman needs support and money as she can't have beer for a while. The woman should get a medal. P.S. I hope large heads don't run in the family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, things haven't been easy for me either, you know. For example, I have to drink in secret now like some kind of alcoholic. And I have to put up with Mrs. Brandon's suffering, pain, nausea, and discomfort, and let me tell you, that is no picnic for me. Where's my medal?

      Delete
  32. Congrats. My daughter is the youngest with five older brothers. She thinks families should always have boys first because it's really cool to be the baby sister and have big brothers.
    As a mother, boys are so easy about a lot of things. For instance, when you start that potty training stuff you sometimes aren't near a restroom. But for little boys, the world is their bathroom. The side of the road, behind a tree ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not just for little boys. I'm peeing right now. Where? Wouldn't you like to know.

      Kidding aside, thanks!

      Delete
  33. Baby? Really? That's pretty exciting. One thousand a month with a ten thousand dollar deductible sounds like a rip-off to me, or it would right up to the minute I started to scream, I NEED TO PUSH!

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, a real baby. Unless it comes out an adult. That'd sure save me a lot of time and money. But a baby's alright, too, I guess.

      Delete
  34. I think "Bryan Jr" is a much better name, don't you?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shhh, the baby's not going to learn about that until he's 12.

      Delete
  35. Replies
    1. OMG I know, right! Girls are the absolute worst! So gross! Except when you wanna have sex with them. That's the only thing they're good for!

      *THIS COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY RAMPANT SEXISM*

      Delete
  36. Whatever happened to the surprise and disappointment part of childbirth? Everyone needs to know beforehand so they buy the right paint. And you pay how much? Is that what healthcare really costs? Bloody hell, say what you like about the NHS at least it's free.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I actually don't have healthcare because it's so unaffordable. I'm not having a baby, though. If I was, I'd probably just have to deliver it in my bathtub with 3 bottles of Jack Daniels (1 for me, 1 for the wife, and 1 for the baby if the poor bastard made it). - Bryan

      Delete
  37. "will have an encounter with a mysterious stranger that will result in life altering events." HAHA. Well, that's not vague at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to my horoscope, I'm very passionate about the things that I care about. Wow, it's like THEY KNOW ME!

      Delete
  38. Damn! I show up two days late and now there's flies buzzing around the corpse of the assigning-gender-at-birth-joke horse. That's what I get for switching platforms and forgetting to check my other reading list. I'd give it a few whacks with my club just for the sake of form, but I don't want to get rotting horse juice all over my good clothes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd give "IT" a few whacks? Wow, okay, so I guess this horse doesn't have a gender to you, so she's some kind of freak, right? Ugh, you normies disgust me.

      *THIS COMMENT BROUGHT TO YOU BY AN ANGRY TRANSGENDER HORSE*

      Delete
  39. Yes, always consult to the doctor and buy medicines with Medex Supply coupon code and get some extra savings for future need.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes I am always consulting to the doctor for many medicines to great make benefit. Thank you for pretty spam comment, friend. We are sure many reader is stupid enough to buy.

      Delete
  40. If you think you are pregnant, consider getting a visa to go to France, or someplace else with better healthcare, like Cuba. Or Venezuela.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think I'm pregnant, but if I did think I was pregnant, I'd probably contact a major news organization to announce the medical miracle.

      Delete
  41. This honestly went a different direction than I expected. I expected something focused on mis-gendering stereotypes and very angry trans-supporters that are hurting their cause more than helping it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We figured that was a little overplayed by now, so we went with something a bit more ridiculous... though not THAT much more ridiculous, if you know what I'm sayin'.

      Delete
  42. I thought I comments and then I couldn't find it so maybe I just imagined I did. Congrats on having a healthy baby. If its the gender you wanted then double congrats. I definitely wanted girls because I knew I'd do a terrible job at having to be a sports mom. So pretty much I'd have to hope I had an arts kid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meanwhile, I can't braid hair and I know jack squat about fashion, so a boy is probably for the best. Thanks!

      Delete
  43. Thank God it's not a girl!

    I mean.

    Um...

    WOAH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT THING OVER THERE...

    No, but for real, congratulations. If there's anything I can help with, let me know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm gonna need a babysitter every weekend while I go out and get blackout drunk, so, you know, cancel all your regular plans for the next 13 years.

      Delete
  44. It's a boy? OH. Meh.


    Uhhhh..... I mean congrats! mazel tov cocktails all around.


    I heard all babies look alike anyways. I have friends with babies, so I know these things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And molotov to you, too, my Jewish friend.

      All babies do look alike... except when they're hideously ugly. Then they just look like little tiny goblins, but the parents are brainwashed into thinking its cute so they won't drown it in a toilet, so they don't even KNOW they have a goblin.

      TLDR: fingers crossed we don't get a goblin.

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  45. As the parent of one and one, I can tell you there is no disappointment to be had. However, with one, you can kiss your phone bill goodbye and the other, you can kiss your wallet good-bye.

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    1. In this day and age, I can't tell which is which. Is that bad? Boys love smartphones, and girls love spending money. And girls love smartphones, and boys love buying stupid shit.

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