Wednesday, March 8, 2017

#25 - Ohhh Yeeeaaaahhh!




92 comments:

  1. Something about not drinking the Kool-Aid probably applies here.
    As someone who didn't grow up with it, all imagery of the Kool-Aid man confuses me. How does he manage to appear everywhere? Why is he dispensing his essence? Where did this suicidal sugary santa come from?

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    1. The Seventies were weird.

      The parents were all damaged from drugs in the Sixties and the kids all ate a lot of lead-based paint.

      Maybe that was just my house.

      Kool-Aid Man should probably stay in the Seventies.

      [EDIT, sort of: Apparently Kool-Aid Man first appeared in 1954, didn't start doing his "breaking through walls" thing until 1978, and was retired in 1994). So my theory is wrong.]

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    2. The 70s were weird. The 90s were weird. We've always been weird.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmKYrxzOTC4

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  2. As long as he's not named Jones it might be ok to drink 😳

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    1. If I did what I think I did in that comic above, then immediate death by poisoning is the only cure.

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  3. This is my fetish.

    Wait! Kool-Aid, I mean - not Kool-Aid porn! That'd be weird to have a fetish for Kool-Aid porn, Right? Yeah, probably. Unless you don't find it weird, in which case I'm totally kool with it. Beyond kool.

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    1. We will forever remember you as a pioneer, breaking down the walls of man/Kool-Aid man love.

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  4. I think that Kool-Aid creature might be a pedophile.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. He breaks into people's houses and offers their small children mystery liquid that he serves directly out of his body. This is definitely not okay.

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  5. I would vomit as well. Kool-Aid should've been green.

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    1. What flavor is green, anyway? Apple? Watermelon? Toilet wine? Those things were always so artificially colored that I could never quite tell what a flavor was just by looking at it.

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  6. B&B:
    And to think as children, we drank that BY THE GALLON...
    (WTH were we thinking? LOL)
    Makes me wonder about PIXY-STIX now.
    Thank God we never had one of "those" pitchers at our house growing up...heh.

    Good post - short and TO THE POINT!

    Stay safe (and always classy) out there, guys.

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    1. Your childhood wasn't a real childhood unless you got to experience the one stupid friend who snorted a Pixy-Stix up his nose like sugary cocaine. And paid for it dearly.

      We were not smart children.

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  7. We used to drink that stuff so much as a kid. That and Tang. I made so much of it as a mom that I used to save those points on the back of the packages and after a while had enough to get one of those plastic red Kool Aid Man Pitchers and the 4 little red cups that went with it. My daughter hates Kool Aid now, won't drink it. lol

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    1. I'm the exact same. I drank gallons upon gallons of that as a little kid. My mom would make a pitcher of it, dump in probably a whole bag of sugar, and that thing would be gone in an afternoon. And yep, just like your daughter, I can't even smell that stuff now without wanting to retch.

      It's astounding that I never got juvenile diabetes.

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  8. Folks been drinking the Kool Aid for s lot longer that the last 60-70 years. Too bad they didn't see that 'tap' sooner.

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    1. I think most people would drink comfortably from that tap, even knowing what it is.

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  9. Koolaid was a sugary alternative to pop (soda, coke, or etc) The kids could run for hours on that sugar high. Tang was pushed as being as good as the real thing. . . and mothers believed it. After all, it went into space I think with the early astronauts - but I haven't confirmed that. Both these items were cheaper than the pop or OJ (the drink). Fifties and Sixties moms were very gullible - if it was advertised as being A-OK, then it had to be true. What was weird was that they knew not what havoc they started. Sugar is a silent killer. Look at the diabetes numbers today. And yeah, I did give the kids koolaid when they were younger but limited how much they had. What's a mom to do if the little darlings want what all their friends have? Never trust anyone, and anything that gives out FREE stuff, especially in this case considering the source. . .and the spigot. . .

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    1. That carried on well into the 80s, because we were powered by Kool-Aid and Tang, too. I think the important difference was that every single food wasn't pumped full of sugar like it is now. Even salty foods have unnecessary sugar in them. Unless you cook all of your meals yourself, from scratch, most kids nowadays don't even stand a chance.

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  10. Perfect. Not what I expected and delighted for it.

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    1. So you're saying that you're delighted by my traumatizing mouth rape?

      ...Good. Because I am too. :)

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  11. Maybe he should go meet up with hand job, sex therapist lady and they can live "freely" together.

    If the ad says free, it is the equivalent of pee.

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    1. That makes so much sense. I bet that crazy hippie chick has been drinking the Kool-Aid for years... straight from the tap. It would explain all of the strength in her, uh, "tap" hand.

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  12. After Jim Jones I wouldn't touch Cool Aid with a barge pole thank you very much wherever or whatever it was served from.

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    1. Poor misunderstood Jim Jones. All he was doing was trying to show us fat, lazy Americans that drinking too much Kool-Aid can kill you.

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  13. You're not fooling anyone, you know. You boys with your TSL (tap-sucking lips) are both unrepentant tapaholics and you know it.

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    1. I came home to my wife last night with a red ring around my mouth like lipstick, and she accused me of cheating on her with a boy. And I was like, "Hey, he's the Kool-Aid MAN, okay? NOT the Kool-Aid boy."

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  14. I, too drank Kool Aid by the gallon as a kid and am thankful that the red dye #6 (or whatever number is is) didn't kill me off young.

    I guess I didn't realize that it was still being sold. I would of thought by now it would be commandeered by the FDA as "unhealthy". Although to be fair, I guess that would mandated about 90 percent of what Americans eat and drink.

    I do find a certain amount of humor in the fact that the guy that invented it (Edward Perkins) first called it Fruit Smack. Whoah! Was that guy ahead of his time or what? A powder called Smack that people couldn't get enough of...genius.

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    1. I had to Google that (not that I don't believe you, just that it's so crazy), and yep, sure enough, it was originally called Fruit Smack. How funny. That name is much more fitting than Kool-Aid.

      And yes, Kool-Aid is indeed still sold in stores. I think a packet is 49 cents, last I checked. My parents still buy it from time to time. Don't ask me why. Maybe the smack sunk its teeth in all those years back and just never let go.

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    2. I find that crazy as well so I don't blame you for Googling it. I only know my Kool-Aid trivia because I worked in Hastings, NE where it was invented and it's seems to be their only claim to fame. They have a monument there in honor of Edward Perkins and his Fruit Smack....oops...I mean Kool-Aid.

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  15. You may not like Kool-aid, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks

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    1. This guy gets it!

      (Note: I love the guy's helpless shrug)
      [im]https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41f-w374QiL._SY445_.jpg[/im]

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  16. Let's zap the kids full of sugar! I remember those 70's ads and they are pretty bad. I am certain many smoked a few before making those commercials. My mom refused to buy that crap and I was glad about that. It actually reminded me of pixie sticks watered down.

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    1. My mom bought it for me constantly, and I drank it hand over fist. No wonder I was so energetic as a kid. It was like liquid crack. I probably could have run a 5 minute mile, stumpy legs and all.

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  17. Why is there a tap on a pitcher? There didn't used to be! We need to make pitchers great in America again, and ban travel on pitchers like this one, obviously from a subversive state...

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    1. Maybe if you had to suffer in agony over not having Kool-Aid for a whole day you'd learn to appreciate how great it is.

      #ADayWithoutKoolAid

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  18. Kool-Aid
    Crack for Kids
    In stores everywhere.
    Get yours today!
    That said, my mom bought the unsweetened kind. We'd eat it out of the bag using our fingers or popsicle sticks. Maybe that's why I'm weird :)

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    1. My mom got the unsweetened kind and then just added her own sugar. I believe the recipe called for one 5 lb. bag, but you could also put in a 10 lb. bag if you wanted your child to overdose on sugar, go absolutely bananas for a couple hours until he or she could no longer move, and then sleep like a baby while you earned yourself a well deserved nap.

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  19. At my old job, we had a supervisor that could have done the Kool-aid commercials with just a shave and some red makeup. He did the bariatric thing a while back, so now he could prolly do a very bad Coke can.

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    1. I Googled "human Kool-Aid man" to see if I could find any funny pictures to insert and I instantly regret it.

      [im]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rtOXMZlMTkg/S0DorKLgMoI/AAAAAAAACdI/adDNHyktymE/s640/ka_ohno.jpg[/im]

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    2. Now make him older, black moustache, and a ball cap and you've got him...

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  20. So that's why the Kool-Aid guy always has such a big smile.

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  21. I have a story about grape kool-aid that wasn't grape kool-aid...
    You'll have to wait till I put that in a book.

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    1. Hmmm, was it motor oil? Coal tar? The blood of a newborn babe?

      This is going to bother me more than it should.

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  22. The newest Kool-aid commercial asks if the Kool-aid man is ticklish, and then kids pelt him with balls. I didn't understand that ad until I read your comic.

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    1. Kids tickle him, pelt him, and then finish him off by drinking his very life essence. No wonder he bursts through walls. I too would have to find a way to vent my frustration at such a cruel life.

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  23. It's the vomit part of the last panel that confuses me. Why sip from the tap if it's from a vomit-inducing source?

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    1. You don't sip from the tap. You guzzle.

      YOU GUZZLE.

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  24. As a kid, I loved Koolaid. But I just watched the commercial you posted. My goodness, I don't remember the Koolaid guy sounding so creepy. But what did I expect from a big pitcher that serves bodily fluids to thirsty children all over the world? I hope Koolaid is a registered sex offender. The public should be made aware.

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    1. Donald Trump just declared that he is "bad." He followed up by stating that he is "very bad." Having exhausted his daily vocabulary, he retreated to the Oval Office for an afternoon nap.

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  25. My mom has a lot of explaining to do since I lived off Koolaid as a kid.

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    1. Well, I did too, and I turned out mostly normal*.

      *I didn't - you are so fucked

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  26. I had forgotten how bad those early Kool-Aid commercials were! As bad as Kool-Aid itself. Your cartoon isn't all that obscene after watching the video (especially of the ad by the swimming pool).

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    1. Kind of funny to think that it only took us, what, 40 years to realize that the Kool-Aid man is a nightmarish pervert who shouldn't be allowed within 500 yards of children?

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  27. With a few more explosions this could be the Michael Bay Kool-Aid Man, to follow on from his Transformer with testicles. In all my years I've never had Kool-Aid so I can't say if it would be worth drinking it out of some giant jugs tap, but I can only assume it wouldn't be.

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    1. Kool-Aid tastes great if you're 6 years old and to you, fine dining is a Happy Meal at McDonald's. As an adult it just tastes like sugary plastic.

      And note: it would not be worth it to drink from a giant jug's tap, but it may be worth drinking from a giant tap's jugs.

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  28. I only drank it in the summertime. I swear!

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    1. Oh, so you're one of those "I only smoke when I drink, so I don't consider myself a smoker" kind of guys, aren't you?

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  29. Funny how a lot of people who use that don't know where the expression came from. Definitely don't drink the Kool-Aid

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    1. It's not just the diabeetus that will kill you...

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  30. Ew. I may never make Kool-Aid for my nephews again. lol

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    1. Nothing good can ever come of Kool-Aid. Or the Kool-Aid man. Nothing.

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  31. *snicker*

    Hey, who hasn't guzzled free kool aid? Amirite? Amirite? *looks for someone to high five*

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    1. I'd high five you, but my hands are all sticky. :(

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  32. You can dye your hair with Kool Aid.

    Y'all are up next on the list for art. You want something custom, or something already done? There are mushroom cottages and tiny kingdoms aplenty. And some weird dragons.

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    1. I tried that, but now my hair is all stuck together. I think I mixed in too much sugar.

      OMG OMG, art! Is it too greedy to ask for something custom? I'd love that. I'd display it proudly on my wall and tell people "I know her, kind of, and she made this just for me." And then I'd awkwardly start rambling about how we know each other on the Internet, but not really, and then eventually my house guest would become uncomfortable and decide they don't ever want to come back.

      But they'd secretly be envious of the art.

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    2. I am totally open to custom art. One for each of you. What would ye like? Ramble away, I do constantly. When I told people I was going to Indiana for a week to see a friend and they asked how I knew her, as soon as I said 'internet,' pretty much everyone gave me the same side eye....

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    3. I think people need to learn that there's a huge difference between someone you met through trading blog comments on the Internet and someone you met on Craigslist in the 'looking to be fisted violently' subsection. A huge, fist-sized difference.

      Shoot us an e-mail and we'll pitch you some ideas. abeerfortheshower at the gmail dot thing (NOT TODAY, SPAM BOTS. NOT TODAY)

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  33. Kool Aid is one of those peculiar American things that just never made it to Australia. Now I see why.

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    1. Ah, so that's why you guys are all so thin. If you want to know why we Americans are so morbidly obese, look no further than the 10 foot tall pitcher of sugar juice that will literally break into your house to poison you with his juices.

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  34. You gave me a good laugh with this one. I haven't had Kool-Aid in many years and it was a staple when I was a kid--used to love that stuff. I can remember that it would take something like two cups of sugar to make a pitcher. My mom must have gone through pounds of sugar every week between all of the Kool-Aid and the other stuff she used sugar for.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Childhood - powered by sugar. So how come we turned out okay, but the kids today are all, uh, Kool-Aid man shaped?

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    2. My Type 2 diabetes probably stems from my over-consumption of Kool-Aid, candy, and all of the other sweets I used to eat. I'm more Kool-Aid man shaped now than I used to be, but for kids today a lack of exercise probably affects their shapes as much as what they eat.

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  35. That's dark! I was never a big Kool Aid fan. Now I'm really not!

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    1. Unless you want Type 2 diabetes and an early grave, Kool-Aid isn't really much good for anyone.

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  36. Damn, fellas. There goes my breakfast.

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    1. That breakfast wasn't Kool-Aid, was it? Crazy how much protein is in that stuff...

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  37. I hit the wrong button while approving your comment on my site and deleted it! I reconstructed it from my email notice. Please feel free (and encouraged!) to post your pictures!

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    1. Well, I posted a picture. It may not be a GOOD picture, but it's a picture.

      [im]http://stupid-people.net/stupid%20people%20269.jpg[/im]

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  38. Ahem. I believe the term is 'Ohhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyy~"

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    1. [im]http://www.quickmeme.com/img/06/068e51fa694f14a321ffd3bc77c097dad6c0659e94d0986ddcb9504f2ffaf541.jpg[/im]

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  39. oh dear lol. This brings a whole new meaning to "drinking the Kool-Aid.

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    1. You don't drink the Kool-Aid. You guzzle it voraciously.

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  40. I was always more of a Hawaiian Punch kinda gal! No wonder the Kool-Aid cartoon has always had a smile of relief! I also love the "wife stabs husband with a squirrel" photo.

    Julie

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    1. And yet that's not even my favorite stabbing related picture.

      [im]http://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/9/4/1/242941_v1.jpg[/im]

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  41. Hmmm I'm beginning to realise you guys deploy cheesy cornball wit which appeals and kinda sucks in a popular way. I'll have to start drinking some of that Kool-Aid. Okay Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!

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    1. This Kool-Aid tastes like many things - regret, snozzberries, daddy issues - but not corn or cheese. Do people love us yet?

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  42. Not sure what Kool Aid is but if you use a glass I'd be ok with it.

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    1. I don't think even a glass could help you. I'm not saying the contents are exactly radioactive, but they aren't much better than that.

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  43. LOL! Oh my. Now there's an image you can never unsee. Good thing I don't like Koolaid, eh?

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    1. I don't think anyone really likes Kool-Aid. But the sugar, like liquid crack, brings us back for more.

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