Wednesday, March 1, 2017

#24 - The Hipster OG






Sorry for the lack of a full post today, folks. I'm busy planning a birthday for someone who's preparing to turn 94 years young. Most of that preparation is just finding things that won't kill her (20 people jumping out and yelling 'SURPRISE!', or having a stripper pop out of a cake, etc.), but it's still keeping me too busy to spare more than a quick toon. See you next time!

No, I'm not 7 feet tall, but I'll be damned if Grandma doesn't make me look it by standing beside her


95 comments:

  1. Hah, your grandma's great. Just modern enough to hang with the cool kids. (:
    94 is a lot of years, time must be going so fast for her now. I can't imagine. Throw her a good one!

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    1. Actually, I think time's going really slow for her. Every time I see her she says something like, "I can't believe I'm not dead yet. I mean, I'm ready any time now. Any time. But I guess not yet." Then she looks up to the sky quizzically, as if somehow willing God himself to part the clouds and slay her.

      Ah, grandmothers.

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  2. HA! I'm sure my kids and grandkids think my style is "ironic thrift store," too. Hey! Why get rid of something if it still fits...?

    I hope your grandmother has a wonderful birthday. It's awesome that you're planning to do something nice for her. (Maybe you could just have the stripper come to the door... )

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    1. I bet you could sell your entire closet to hipsters right now for thousands. Not even kidding.

      And no strippers for grandma. She's more of a twinkies and Sprite kind of party gal.

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  3. Nearing triple digits at her sea. Hope she has a great birthday. Could always bring a stripper with a boombox and have him play one of her cassette tapes. My grandmother insists she wants to copy them over onto CD, I told her she can just get them on youtube and that cds are nothing but coasters now, but nope, won't hear any of that.

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    1. I always wondered if CDs would be our generation's old technology crutch, but I'm guessing not. I wonder what ours will be? "Look at grandpa, still listening to his smartphone MP3s like a dinosaur. Won't even consider the music implants because he swears it's going to steal his thoughts."

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    2. haha - I think I would pass on putting a chip in my ear...just sayin'..ya never know who's listening.

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  4. B(or)B:
    That is SO damn cool.
    God bless your grandma...94 years young, too.

    That is JUST...PLAIN...WOW!
    Hope her day is wonderful.
    You take care of her and make sure that happens.

    Stay safe (and with a classy Grandma) out there.

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    1. Thanks, Bob! It really is a blessing having her around, especially since she's still got it together mentally. It'd be sad if she couldn't remember anything, but she's still sharp as a whip.

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  5. Hipster grandma is cool.

    But does she pay with checks at the supermarket?

    My grandmother seems a bit annoyed to still be around, too (as you expressed in your reply to Fang, above). It would be a little weird to lose everyone you grew up around.

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    1. Not only does grandma pay for everything in checks, but so do my parents. They're afraid to use their credit card and get their identities stolen. You know how it goes. I'd laugh, but I'm sure in 50 years I'll be the asshole insisting he insert his credit card because he doesn't trust those damned holo readers (they'll give you brain cancer, you know).

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  6. Your grandmother does not look 94! Knowing what she has lived through (and has not told you), if a man jumped out of a cake for her, she might just roll her eyes and say "not again." Happy Birthday to a woman who has lived a life and continues to enjoy each day

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    1. Yeah, you aren't kidding. I didn't even find out until recently that my grandpa was in the mafia and fled because he cheated them, and sometimes mafioso would come to the door and grill grandma in front of my 4 year old dad (asking where grandpa was), and she'd have to tell them to fuck off.

      What that woman's been through that I know nothing about could fill an autobiography (the interesting kind, not the pointless and/or shameless kind).

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    2. Wow! That's impressive....you should mark everything down that you know of her life. She has a lot of guts to stand up to the mafia

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    3. My grandma actually wrote down hundreds of pages of things that she's experienced, and our family history, and she's even traced our family tree all the way back to this guy, and I'm just over here like oh yeah well yesterday I put on pants and left the house for the first time in 11 days.

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  7. Hey, your grandma and I have the same cat shirt! I kinda wish I was kidding, but I'm not. Happy Birthday to her!

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    1. And I kinda wish I was kidding when I say that I would totally wear that sweater. No, I'm not a hipster, I've just reached a certain level of "I don't give a fuck" when I go out in public.

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  8. Happy Birthday Bryan's Grandma!

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    1. Thanks! I'll be sure and pass along that random strangers on the Internet are wishing her happy birthday, so as to confuse her greatly.

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  9. What if it was on old guy stripper who popped out of the cake? I mean, that would be slow enough that it would probably be okay for her, right?

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    1. I think you might be onto something here. An untapped market. You want to swing by the retirement home (or as I call it, the meat market) some time let's do some recruiting. I hear these chumps will work for Werther's.

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  10. Haha. That's cute. I was thinking just last week that I wished I could use a typewriter.

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    1. Every time I sit down and write I screw up already by like the 5th word, so there's no way I could use a typewriter unless I wanted a piece of paper that was smeared in whiteout and looked like really bad drywall.

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  11. I almost bought a typewriter a few weeks ago at an estate sale and then I remembered that I sucked at my typing class. You don't need to apologize, at least you got a post up. I haven't done anything in a few weeks.

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    1. I used to have a typewriter once upon a time ago (before computers... god that makes me sound ancient) and I was awful at it. It was the most elegantly beautiful thing that I could barely use. I think I'm good with a computer now.

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  12. Ninety-four! Whoa.
    Keep her away from the news. That alone might give her a heart attack.

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    1. I feel like that's the start of either a really shitty or really fantastic action film.

      "Fake news killed my grandmother."
      *cocks shotgun*
      "Now it's time to make some fucking headlines."

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  13. Happy Birthday, Grandma! You're a good grandson for taking the time to get a party together for her. She's going to appreciate that and the time you spend with her more than anything else, I think. Just don't put that many candles on the cake. They'd melt before you got them all lit.

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    1. Grandma doesn't have time for stupid things like candles and singing and celebrations. She's probably just going to dive right into that cake.

      I may have gotten my sweet tooth from her.

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  14. Ha! Yeah, what Alex said!

    I hope I'm still wearing MY pink cat sweater when I am 94.

    Happy Birthday to Grandma Beer!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Check out my new blog @
    (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

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    1. Hell, I'd wear a pink cat sweater this year when I turn 34*. Do not give a single fuck anymore. And I doubt you do, either, Mr. Surfin' Jesus.

      *FUN FACT: we all came in 30s. Grandma's turning 94, Dad's turning 64, and I'm turning 34. My parents are turning... disappointed in me, maybe?

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  15. Here's wishing grandma and EPIC birthday. And as long as there's cheese at the party... Well, you get where I'm headed. =)

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    1. My grandma... doesn't like cheese. At all. She's more of a sweet tooth.

      Please don't wish death upon her.

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  16. Happy birthday to your grandma. My dad just turned 84 this month.

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    1. Wow, that's incredible. Cheers to that. I'll tell you, it's funny how long people in my family live. Like, the other day my mom lost a friend who was 72. And my first thought was, "That's so young!"

      ...Well, I guess in MY family it would be considered young...

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  17. HELLO KITTY!

    Oh, and happy birthday to Grandma:)

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    1. Thanks! What can I say? Grandma has excellent taste in giant animal face sweaters.

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  18. Yo, your grandma's so hip she had to ... get a ... hip replacement?

    I'll just show myself out.

    *leaves in silence*

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    1. Q: What does your grandma's vagina taste like?
      A: Depends.

      I... I can't believe I just typed that out. It'll probably never happen again.

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  19. I love that you're planning her birthday party! Is she sick of birthday parties now?

    Funny comic.

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    1. I think she's sick of pretty much anything involving her. You know, that whole selfless thing. So if we disguise it as a lunch and invite everyone, then she'll be happy to accept all the 'fuss'.

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  20. Tell your grandmother that some stranger on the internet says happy birthday. I think some puréed cake and some good ol' family time will be good.

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    1. "The family that drinks cake together stays together." I think I read that on a Depends box somewhere.

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  21. Your grandma is possibly the most adorable lady I have ever seen. Please don't hire strippers to come out of her cake.

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    1. If Grandma and I have one thing in common, it's that we don't care for strippers. Another thing we have in common is that we love naps and saying whatever the fuck we want and going to bed at 9 pm. What I'm saying is that I might secretly be an elderly person.

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  22. Stripper won't kill her from shock if he's 94 too. Might kill everyone else from shock but not grandma

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    1. And what a way to go out. I just hope someone's there to film it and shout "Worldstar!"

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  23. Well happy birthday Grandma.

    (I'm loving Adam's comment, lol.)

    If you hire strippers, please invite me to the party. Well, not if they are 94.

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    1. Who else can say they went to a party that featured a 94 year old stripper? I daresay that that experience would be WAY more interesting than a regular stripper. What I'm saying is yeah sign me up!

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  24. So sweet. I love and look up to your Granny, based on your stories (and if I recall, she's about my height or maybe a bit taller). Happy 94th Birthday to her! You're lucky to have each other.

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    1. Actually, Grandma's steadily shrinking, so you might have an inch or so on her now. By the time she's 100, maybe she'll be 4 feet even. 110, the height of a medium-sized dog. It really is all down from here.

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    2. I think every grandchild takes two and a half inches off a grandparent.

      I always tell my parents they're shrinking so fast, one day I'll come by to visit and find nothing but a floppy hat sitting on a pair of crocs.

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    3. Actually, I think I may be shrinking too. Last time I was measured at the doc, I was half an inch shorter. Damnit. And if she's 110, she's a bit bigger than me. At any rate, I know she's tougher and looks more youthful. I really wanna meet your grandma someday. Maybe I'll visit when she has her 100th bday.

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    4. Haha, that was 110 years I was referring to, not lbs. If she's even 100 lbs I'd be surprised.

      I wonder when I'll start shrinking? Right now I'm what's considered average height for a man... and if I shrink, then dammit, I'll be below average. Then next stop, Tom Cruise. Maybe I should start stocking up on lifts?

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  25. Happy Birthday to the cool grandma!

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    1. I don't know if she's cool, per se, but she's cooler than me, so that has to count for something.

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  26. That photo is wonderful and hilarious. My grandmother was 4'10" at her tallest. At 6'2", I had the same look when I stood next to her. The cartoon is priceless. Happy birthday to your grandmother!

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    1. Yes, I too am a towering 6'2"... no need to ask how tall my grandma is... ahem.

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  27. That's very sweet. Happy Birthday to your Grandma. By the way, I Googled "Hipster Granny" and that photo of you with her is one of the top results.
    The new hipster is the hipster who proclaims to hate hipsters. A hipster-hating-hipster:
    [im]http://seniorplanet.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/death-to-hipsters-granny.ft_.jpg[/im]

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    1. I wonder if I can just crop my grandma out of that top result picture, thereby becoming the Hipster Granny, myself.

      Also, as a hipster-hating-hipster, is it TOO meta to hate yourself, or expected?

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  28. I'm not a hipster but it would be nice to have a typewriter. Happy (early) birthday to what I can only assume is a badass grandmother.

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    1. I think I want one more than I'd actually use it properly. Like, imagine you're half way through a paragraph and suddenly you fuck up. Welp, guess I'm typing this all over again.

      People wasted so much paper with those things.

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  29. I can't wait until I get to be cool again (not sure if I was before but I can hope). Happy birthday to your grandma.

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    1. I was never cool and never will be cool, so you'll have to let me know what the experience is like.

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  30. Happy birthday to your very cool grandma! My Nana just turned 87 last month and says things like: "Just remember if you're pointing a finger at someone, there's three fingers pointing right back at you."

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    1. I love grandma sayings. My grandma's favorite saying is that she doesn't need to earn her dessert by eating her meal first, because that meal will always be waiting for her after she finishes her dessert.

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  31. I like her taste in clothing. She may be a trend setter after all and yet she is still willing to let you hang out with her. She must be truly an amazing woman.

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    1. Well, in all fairness, Grandma has never been on the Internet, so she doesn't know what kind of vile, idiotic things I say/draw on this site.

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  32. Happy birthday to your grandmother. Since I'm about to become one any day now, I can saw that Grandmothers are the coolest people ever.

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    1. Congratulations! That's really exciting! I assume any day now your pockets will start sprouting candy, which you can then hand out to children at any given time.

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  33. I have found that nothing insults my guys more than being called a hipster. It has become quite the slur. Go figure.

    You're a sweetheart to pause to plan your grandma a party. Time spent with her will never be wasted.

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    1. I always loved on Seinfeld when they called Kramer a hipster doofus. For some reason, that's still my favorite hipster related insult. Feel free to toss that at your boys.

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  34. Hipster as a term can have varying meanings. It's been a term since the beatniks were around, but changes its meanings every few decades. A hipster used to be a cool cat, but now most times, people are referring to guys or gals who don't toe the preppy line. Hep cats was used in Cab Calloway's day, so hep may have evolved into hipster. I like the fact that hipsters may like items from a bygone era, it shows they appreciate history. Hipsters wanted to be in the know (intellectual and urban) where hippies just wanted to enjoy life and groove, man. PS - I may be just winging it here. Happy Birthday and kudos to your grandmother. 94 is a milestone for sure and yep that perspective is a fault of the camera - If the subject is shorter than the photographer, the photographer should get on the same level as the subject. No one wants to look like a hobbit, except a hobbit. Hope the party is a great success!

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    1. Wow - everything I ever wanted to know about hipsterdom! Thanks for the awesome comment. I like things from a bygone era, but in my own way. For example, something about music that has that slightly off-pitch sound mixed with static and the tick of a reel spinning reminds me fondly of listening to cassette tapes. I genuinely like that sound. But there are musicians who put that effect into their music, rather than me having to listen to an actual cassette tape. It's kind of cool to see how that nostalgia is preserved via these effects. Example:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZGmBgwnSy4

      And if memory serves, that photo was taken by my father, who's a couple inches shorter than I am. He's also not very good at taking pictures. With that said, though, Grandma gets quite the giggle out of pictures that make her look like a hobbit, so it's not all bad.

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  35. That's great! Making it to 94 is a pretty big deal. My father-in-law will turn 86 next week, and each birthday after we sing to him, he usually says something like, "Yep, thanks. This'll probably be the last one."

    Enjoy your party!

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    1. My grandma says the same thing. And it's funny that each year the tone in her voice sounds more and more hopeful about the whole thing. Oh, to have lived such a full life that you can just look up at the sky and go, "Hello, God? What are you waiting for? I'm done here."

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  36. Your grandma looks like a famous Australian person that I'm not entirely sure why she's famous. She's a newsreader for a government-owned station that focuses on foreign content. They play a lot of foreign movies and have foreign news reports.

    This girl's named Li Lin Chin and for some reason everyone knows her.

    [im]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/flTOq16FBkk/maxresdefault.jpg[/im]

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    1. Ha! I was expecting something completely off the mark, but that is uncanny. She's like my Asian grandma. I'm totally going to show this to Grandma when I see her tomorrow and see what hilarious (and potentially unintentionally racist) things she says!

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    2. Update: Grandma said that when we don't see her she likes to fly to China and film TV shows, so you "caught" her. And she just looks Chinese because everyone over there looks like that. It's the camera. Ah, good times!

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    3. I'm glad I could help you discover more about your family history ;)

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  37. Too cute! I hope the party is grand--and not to shocking. ;)

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    1. Thanks! And if I want shocking, all I have to do is ask Grandma what she thinks about politics. Or "the gays."

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  38. Happy birthday to your grandma. And there is nothing ironic about those birthday wishes.

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    1. Thanks! She did have a very happy birthday, so your wishes definitely counted.

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  39. Ahah happy birthday grandma! That's amazing she looks great for her age! And you look super tall!!!

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    1. Thanks! I should bring her everywhere with me, because it's a great look for me (I am most definitely not super, tall, or super tall).

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  40. Happy happy birthday to your grandma!

    Are you trying to tell me cat sweaters went out of style at some point? Stop with your lies.

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    1. Shirts this magnificent will NEVER go out of style.

      [im]http://picture-cdn.wheretoget.it/po0gle-i.jpg[/im]

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    2. Also, cat goals:

      [im]http://lolworthy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/cat-face-sweater.jpg[/im]

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  41. That's not a full post?? The fact you posted something puts you way ahead of me. (I am planning on getting back at it this week)

    Happy Birthday to your grandma (it may be belated at this point). She is darling. 94 now that is really impressive.

    My grandma used to pull the "can't believe I'm not dead" line out fairly often as well. She lived to be 101. I hope your grandma has a lot of time left to be cool, fun and rock those cat sweaters.

    BTW...that's really sweet of you to plan a party. Hope it was a great success.

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    1. Your birthday wishes are indeed belated, but still very much appreciated. Grandma had a great time. She just wanted to go to Olive Garden. Who were we to object? So endless pasta it was.

      My grandma's sister lived to 101 also, so we're pretty much counting on Grandma making it to triple digits. She, however, is not. "I really thought I'd be dead by now." Oh, Grandma, always worth a morbid chuckle!

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  42. I laughed a little too hard at your punchline. Particularly because I know a number of hipsters through the grapevine and each of them makes me want to beat them with a motherboard.

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    1. I bet if you beat them to death with a motherboard from an old Apple IIe they'd die with giant smiles on their douchey faces.

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  43. Here's wishing your grandma a Happy belated 94th Birthday! Hey, you do look taller in that picture :)

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    1. Now if only I looked taller all the time... I'm not asking for a lot, just to look a nice, statuesque 6'3.

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