My job is wonderfully weird. For example, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that pop stars are very busy people with very busy lives, so while Pop Star does pen her own social media posts, I'm ultimately the one in charge of punching them up, fine-tuning the spelling/grammar, and posting them for her. And sometimes, when she's not available, she'll ask me to respond to fans for her. As her.
Which is fun when you have no idea what the hell these slang-spewing children are talking about.
|(You can hardly tell I'm not her, right? RIGHT?)|
I also advise her on things like what she should and shouldn't post, since, believe it or not, there's actually a right and a wrong way to post on social media.
Example of a good tweet:
Sooo excited for you guys to hear my debut album! I put so much hard work and love into it!
Example of a bad tweet:
Say what you will, but that Hitler guy had some pretty good ideas.
What some might call impersonating someone else on the Internet, I call expert social media crafting. Or something like that. As I once tweeted from our recently resurrected ABftS Twitter account...
Being a social media manager means that I regularly post as a young girl on the internet, but that's not creepy because she pays me.— A Beer 4 The Shower (@ABeer4TheShower) December 13, 2016
I also am the first line of defense for comments. Now, Pop Star has a pretty thick skin, but we all know how vicious trolls on the Internet can be. We leave up constructive criticism, but I make sure to delete blatantly nasty messages and comments before Pop Star can see them and have her remaining innocence shattered by learning a whole dictionary full of new swear words, along with the things these people would do to her (via these swear words).
And then my soul withers just a little bit further and I weep for the future of humanity at the things people are capable of saying to a complete stranger on the Internet who means them no harm whatsoever.
You know, just another day at the office!
It's a fun job, though. And Pop Star is great because she's not a slobbering idiot who's more concerned about her set being alabaster white instead of eggshell white. She's smart, and she's really business savvy, and not once has she asked me to pick out only the blue M&Ms for her. That has to count for something.
If you haven't heard of her, that's alright. Like I said at the beginning of the post, she's up-and-coming. But the up part is definitely there. Her new single is currently #15 on the Billboard music charts, trailing just behind Britney "How the Hell Am I Still Relevant" Spears and still climbing. If you haven't heard of her yet, you probably will soon. And I'm partly to blame for that.
Below is the music video that inspired this wonderful post about the world's worst music video shoot and how I got banned from Adele's studio. Considering how horribly that all went down, the music video turned out pretty well.
Now, if you're fans of ours, then I don't have any delusions that you're going to love this type of music or love this type of video. I don't think I have to tell you that Brandon and I don't sit there in our free time cranking this kind of song up to 11 while we dance along with the choreographed video. But at least you can see the end result of the video shoot and see what she's about, and if you're feeling feisty, jump over to YouTube and leave a comment and tell her that ABftS sent you. She'll probably get a kick out of it.
Also, she's doing this Facebook contest right now to get the video some more exposure, and she told me that I can open it up to my readers. First place is an iPad Mini 4, second place is some Skullcandy Bluetooth Wireless Headphones, third place is a $50 Amazon gift card, and fourth place is the first loser. All you have to do is Like/Share/Tag a friend/Sacrifice the blood of a newborn babe.
Well, minus that last thing.
In case you're wondering, this isn't some kind of scam to get your information, and SR will not be calling you to set up an appointment to sell you a timeshare in Aspen. It's just a cool way to get her video some more likes and shares and all of that digital nonsense that we humans glorify as holding any sort of meaning.
And if this song isn't your cup of tea, then torture your hipster friends with it until it gets stuck in their heads like an earworm-style brainbomb. Tag your parents or grandparents as punishment for being on Facebook in the first place, and make them try to figure out what the hell 'tagging' is as they reply in embarrassing messages that they don't realize are public. Or tag your favorite 1990s D-list actor so they'll be tricked into thinking they're relevant once again.
Or don't. It doesn't really matter to me. But I figure if someone's gonna win some free shit, it might as well be one of you classy folks reading this blog and not some random assface teenager*.
*apologies to any random assface teenagers that stumbled upon this
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)
Music: The Midnight
Beer: Four Noses Honey Nut Beerios