Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Dr. Dick Fingers, MD

Hey guys, Bryan here. And today I need your help in figuring out something of great importance. I need to know if my wife's new coworker is actually a prostitute.

See, the wife just got a cool new job at a hair salon, and the girls she works with are great, if not a little eccentric. One of them, who we'll call Sunshine, is a hippy that legally changed her name to Sunshine because she thought it suited her aura better. In addition to styling hair, she also moonlights as a so-called sex therapist. I say so-called because, much like a life coach, she has no actual training or accreditation. She simply sees people to help them, as she tells it, "express their sexuality better."

She also makes it no secret that when she sees a man, she ends the "session" by "helping him express his sexuality" ...all over her. You know, something like this.


She deals mostly with handy-j's, sometimes including an optional "prostate massage", which she provides as a "service" for the men who've paid her. And many of them, having been "happy customers", return to her frequently for more of these "happy endings."

So... that kind of makes her a sort of prostitute... right...?

And please note that these are her words, not mine. She's more than happy to explain this to everyone she works with, including that her sex therapy "classes" almost always end with a friendly handy-j. This definitely makes it weird when she talks to the wife, because when they have a conversation like this...


What my wife really hears is this...


But here's the thing... this woman absolutely insists that she is a professional therapist whose only job is to help people embrace their sexuality.

And so you can see that this whole thing is messing with my head, because I would swear that what this woman is doing is basically prostitution. And the law here is pretty cut and dry - if you pay someone and get any form of sex in exchange, it's illegal. I mean, I feel like if this was a legal loophole, your average prostitute would be found on the street corner dressed in her best slutty nurse costume, offering "discount therapy" at the Motel 8 run by a pimp named Dr. $iZzUrP.

For once, Google is of no use to me. If you search for anything involving sex therapists and hand jobs, touching patients, stimulating them, etc., all you get is hundreds upon hundreds of porn results, because apparently a ton of people have fantasies about screwing their therapist, while not realizing that she's located here in Denver and the happy ending is always included.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to tattle on her, or get her in trouble, or anything like that. I'm no prude. Just call this Asshole Curiosity™, and indulge me, because it's going to bother me if I don't know. So below is a completely anonymous (jackass) poll, which you are all invited to fill out for shits, grins, lulz, and maybe just a smattering of knowledge.





Oh, and really, if anyone DOES know... this can't be legal, right...?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Music: Low Roar
Beer: Lagunitas IPA


102 comments:

  1. The temptation to really throw off that poll was strong...
    Does your wife know any police officers? She needs to invite them down to the shop for a haircut and then entice Sunshine to talk about her therapy. You'd probably get a 'Is this legal?' answer real quick.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You can throw that poll off however the hell you want. It's just for kicks.

      We don't know any police officers, especially since this is a fancy women's salon and I wouldn't imagine they get many police officers looking for color-blended hair. But if we ever do... mystery solved?

      Delete
  2. Who knows what you people allow out there in Colorado. The cops are probably too stoned and have spent too long living at an oxygen-deprived elevation to even enforce the laws.

    However, my gut tells me that it might depend on what the client is paying for. If the sexual contact is expected and part of the service, then it would probably fall under the prostitution laws. If it's incidental after a session of therapy, maybe not.

    In this case, it sounds as though it's part of the package deal, so... I'm thinking it's probably not legal.

    At the same time, I hope it's a low priority crime.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's true. In fact, since marijuana is the gateway drug to meth, state-wide meth use is up by approximately 1,000%. In fact, I'm on meth right now!

      And yes, she is all too happy to explain her full package deal, so if the other way you described is somehow legal, then maybe she's just not the sharpest crayon in the drawer.

      Delete
  3. Man, I love that poll gizmo doohickey (assuming that's what it's actually called). I did the absolutely unthinkable and answered all the questions honestly rather than facetiously. (I dunno why. I must be getting sick.)

    The 33% X 3 results (so far) of the second question made me laugh. It's all tied up -- like one of my unsatisfying BOTB installments.

    At some point you'll need to E me about how to post those poll gizmo doohickeys because I could have fun with that, too. (Your answer options were hilarious.)

    Online Dating? Fuhgeddaboudit! I need to activate an online sex therapist account. Why waste time dating in an Instant Gratification Era?

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Check out my new blog @
    (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

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    1. Oh, you'd just love this gal. She's about 40, she spends her nights praying to the goddess of the moon, she treats sicknesses with healing crystals, and she hands out hand jobs like they're candy. Just your type! I'll see when she's next available.

      Delete
  4. I think the concept of a "happy ending" should be applied to many areas of life.

    Look at the TSA patdowns and the controversy over them. Add a happy ending and who could object? Only the finest (ahem) therapists need apply.

    And would any suspect complain about profiling if the arrest process included some "handy-j" activity? I think the Miranda rights need an addendum!

    Finally, for all of those poor souls displaced by the Trump travel ban...how about happy endings for them? Nothing takes the stress out of waiting to see where you'll be deported to like a "handy-j!"

    As you can see, you are obviously looking at this the wrong way. Perhaps a trip to your local (and legal-I am so jealous) dispensary is in order.

    Larry

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    1. I think you may be onto something, here. With that said, if you've seen the big Bertha types they employ at the TSA, I think I'm okay not having my dick ripped off between flights by a 300 lb. silverback named Rosie.

      Delete
    2. Well, I am thinking "Operation Handy-J" would provide career change opportunity for ladies of the evening...because you are right-no handy-j from someone built like an NFL lineman....although that may be a niche market...

      Delete
    3. "I don't want a woman with a limp wrist; I want a woman who's going to shake me bodily like a can of paint."

      Delete
  5. Sure it's illegal, but she's probably pacifying a few would-be mass murderers in the process. She's basically the new age Jes-- nevermind, I'll keep that opinion to myself.

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    1. No, I agree with you that she's the new age Jessica Rabbit. That's what you were implying, I assume.

      Delete
  6. Technically it is illegal by what the law states, money for sex stuff, no matter what she calls it. But hey, got to do what you got to do to make money.

    My question is, why does any guy want to pay for what they can do themselves? How is that helping any sexual issues? Wouldn't it be more stagnating if they realize they can never get more than what they can already do?

    I think I thought about this long enough, off to my handy therapy session.

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    1. Ha! Yeah, man, I don't get it, either. A fellow hairstylist's friend actually brought her husband to this girl because she thought it would help their sex life, and then she ended up divorcing him after learning that he just went there to get hand jobs.

      You really can't make this shit up.

      And yeah, as a guy, I don't understand the joy of the hand job, either. I already have a hand. Using someone else's doesn't suddenly make it this mind blowing experience.

      Delete
    2. There are somany jokes I have running though my head...but let's just say that a man's primary hand really knows what he likes...and a handy-j is kind of like using the other hand....

      Now I am going to go wash my keyboard out with soap

      Delete
    3. Never forget that you can actually buy this.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/dd/c3/ae/ddc3ae6ddf4b7c9cd9701af02c2bb8ac.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  7. I have heard of more shenanigans going on in and about the salon world than I ever would have believed if I wasn't friends with people in the industry. Including a salon that was moonlighting as a pretty rad whorehouse on weekends (my colourist showed me around where they used to hold these "parties" and it looks like a good time was had by all, and by that I mean everyone was doing cocaine).

    Definitely a hooker.

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    1. Well, on the plus side, the salon itself doesn't moonlight as an after hours "sexy party" headquarters. My wife would definitely know by now. With that said, she has been to some of these salons you describe. Her hairstylist (girl she works with now) worked at one for about a month, previously. They had a designated room in the back where stylists could go snort coke between clients. Or while with clients. Or pretty much whenever. My wife's stylist, in addition to not being a fan of cocaine, couldn't stand hearing the sound of everyone else constantly sniffling and constantly shuffling off to the back, so she quit and came to her current salon.

      I never would have believed it either. What the hell is happening with this world?

      Delete
  8. Prostitution and paying for sex is legal in the UK (it's the related activities like soliciting, brothels, kerb crawling and pimping etc that aren't). A lot of sexual activities go on under the guise of therapy or massage and are 'tolerated' as long as there are no knock on issues with neighbours or the area and no exploitation.

    It's very American to get up tight about a bit of sexual activity whilst being comfortable with guns. I know what I'd rather be firing!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hmmm, sad handy-j from a stranger, or firing an arsenal of guns at human shaped targets? I think the guns are way more fun, but maybe that's just me. Is this what being a redneck feels like? No wonder you guys tend to look down on us.

      Delete
    2. Wasn't it someone from the UK who said "Happiness is a warm gun?"

      Delete
    3. Yeah, but with the Cockney accent, they could have also been saying, "Appiness is a worm goon."

      Delete
  9. Mmmmm . . . uh . . . It strikes me as being similar to a sex surrogate, but I think real surrogates are professionals and have training. I don't know about Sunshine. Who am I to judge? But I'd rather edit for money.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. You have the qualifications to edit for money, and then some. Sunshine doesn't really have the qualifications for any of the things she offers. Just don't start offering 'happy endings' with your services. That might scare away the writers (they're a shy bunch, they are... not the two of us, but most).

      Delete
  10. Dude, you're asking the wrong person. I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. We have legal whore houses here. Mustang Ranch, Area 51 Alien Cathouse, Chicken Ranch Brothel, Moonlight Bunny Ranch and Wild Cat Brothel..and those are just a few that I've heard about. lol But yes, it does seem to be illegal what she is doing.

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    1. I have a feeling that if we had those same kinds of 'services' here, and they were legal, that Sunshine would be out of a job so fast her dick hands would spin.

      Delete
  11. I'm pretty sure you have to have a license (which, in this case, would include at least a Master's degree) to call yourself a therapist. Calling yourself a therapist when you're not, legally speaking, is a BIG deal and can mean the BIG house. It's way more serious than a little prostitution.
    She might be able to get away with calling herself a counselor, though; I'm not sure.
    (See, this is where the psychology degree comes in handy.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, it's not like she has an office and calls herself Dr. Sunshine and hands out business cards. Just talk to this girl one time and I'm pretty sure you'll know she's not any kind of counselor, therapist, teacher, whatever. Also, I'm pretty sure the kinds of guys going to see her are not at all concerned that she is not a licensed therapist.

      Just replace 'psychiatric help' with 'hand jobs' and you've got Sunshine's business model.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/85/9c/c0/859cc0f9a2a6eca8a11f5af76936d249.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Sure, I get that. However, let's say that a cop ever confronts her about her "business," and she says, "Oh, no, no. I'm a sex therapist," well, any ambitious cop is going to latch right onto that, because that's a case that would make the news and get him noticed.

      See what I'm saying?

      Delete
    3. Oh yeah, trust me, I gotcha. I'm not trying to excuse her in any way. If the police ever catch onto her, this girl is super fucked. I'm just making light of it, because the kind of guys she's seeing, well, they're probably not concerned about getting ACTUAL therapy and aren't being taken advantage of, so much as they're just "creepy johns."

      Delete
  12. That poll is hilarious! Poll, not pole. You know perfectly well which one I mean.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You mean poles. Since we put up more than one pole. Yeah, that girl's a big fan of skiing...

      Delete
  13. Reminded of the old joke: The man asks the woman, "Will you have sex with me for a million bucks?". She says, "Sure!" He then asks, "Will you have sex with me for $20?" She says, "What? You think I'm a hooker or something?" He says, "We've already established that; we're just dickering over price now."

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    1. Ba dum TISH!

      Sadly, you don't even have to haggle with this woman, and I believe her prices ARE in the neighborhood of about $20.

      Delete
  14. Replies
    1. Oh, no need to feel dirty. I'm sure she washes her hands (maybe).

      Delete
  15. Hmmm, would have to do some more "reasearch" into this. We can call it "research" not "solicitation", right?

    Annnnddd, I think I just officially deleted the world's supply of scare quotes.

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    1. Her hands are possibly unwashed and also I'm married and also, even if I wasn't married, hand jobs are like the tofu of sexual favors. No one's going to pick that over a big, juicy burger.

      So can we hire someone else to do this "research"?

      Delete
  16. You say potato, while I say potato...hey, that really doesn't work in print! Ah well, legal scheme gal, I doubt her clients really care. The things they call therapy now a days. Where will it end?

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    1. I've always typed it "You say potato, I say potatoe", which is still wrong, but at least it makes way for a really outdated Dan Quayle joke that no one in my generation is likely to understand.

      Delete
  17. Maybe she thinks she's living in Nevada where that shit is legal. Personally, I don't believe it's legal because if it was, you would have a massive increase in carpal tunnel surgeries. Everybody would be doing it! Lol

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    1. The day that law passes is the day I refuse to shake hands with anyone ever again. Do they sell rubber gloves by the thousands?

      Delete
  18. The worst stripper I've ever seen was called Sunshine. The only one I've ever seen that I was SURE did heavy drugs. Good thing I don't even drink, I don't think she got men in their right minds.

    Kind of like the men who go "find women" on CL (before they were forced to stop) and BP. You got to be poor and desperate to go after that. They are almost always the ones caught up in stings and their mugshots kind of prove it.


    I've always been in favor of a Nevada-like system. Keep it safe, legal, taxed, and regulated. Build a nice "building" away from "the city" and let it happen.

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    1. Sunshine isn't on drugs, which is crazy to think about, because she believes things like healing crystals can cure cancer.

      I'm in favor of that, too, kind of like how they did here with weed. If guys are lonely enough to pay for sex with a consenting adult who's not being held hostage by an angry pimp, let 'em. Save the busts for child sex rings and human trafficking - the REAL crimes.

      Delete
  19. "Ass curious." Hmm. I wouldn't have figured you for that.

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    1. I'm married to a bootylicious Mexican woman. You HAD to figure that I was an assman. Yes, all one word.

      [im]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/AmOlUY9CEAAZ0Tf.png[/im]

      Delete
  20. I am ALL about therapy and have been seeing a therapist for years. But dang, screw this meditation crap and repeating my truths when I'm angry or upset. It sounds like I need to find a therapist willing to find my G spot and I will relax in a much more stimulating fashion. Thanks so much for the tip!

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    1. Hey, maybe Dr. Sunshine will see you, too. She seems to be "sexually free" enough to extend that friendly handy-J to females, as well. If not, maybe you could sue her for sexual discrimination? I'm almost beginning to think she's not a legitimate therapist, after all!

      Delete
  21. It could be that the law differs from state to state, but I know two sex therapists, and neither of them have any physical contact with their patients. And they both went to university with specific individualized major programs just for that job. I do live in the same city as the Kinsey Institute too! When you go in for a study with them, they pay you.

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    1. Not one single thing that you listed applies to Sunshine, and I'm beginning to think that she's not even a properly accredited hooker.

      Delete
  22. I'm a little frightened by the poll results on how many people are giving themselves therapy at the moment!

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    1. I'm a little frightened by how many people wouldn't mind giving a friend a handy-j (it just depends on the friend and/or penis).

      Delete
  23. Officially IDK, but since you're in Colorado where many other things are legal, it's possible that this chickie's therapy could be allowed if they have a doctor's RX. Here in one of the suburbs of Vancouver they called it massage, they just didn't clarify what was being massaged. AS all the businesses offering this service were Asian, perhaps there is some ancient therapy, but probably not. They shut down the 'massage' parlours who were bringing in a bundle of cash. You don't mess around with the red coated RCMP, at least not during working hours.

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    1. Ha! I can promise you that Sunshine does not require a doctor's note of any kind before she administers 400cc's of Jackitol. She's also not Asian, but interestingly enough, she does like to incorporate massage into her hair cuts (so weird), and I assume into her "sex therapy" sessions, but I'd rather just not ever find out. Ever.

      Delete
  24. As somebody who grew up in the ghetto and was constantly asked to exchange sexual favors for money, I'm gonna go with yo gurl b a hooker.

    I once knew a prostitue named Kelli who was so well known that she would have lines of cars down the street. I always wondered what the actual fuck she was doing to be so well known.

    (I never asked- I didn't want to know that badly.)

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    1. What I'd rather know is, who'd want to be the last car in line? Yeah, I totally want to put my dick in the girl who's just been banged sideways by 12 different guys for the last 2 hours straight.

      Delete
  25. Oh my....hahahaahhaaa ok Sunshine seems to be spreading her ...rainbow colours all over men. Believe it or not, we actually had a sex therapist on our board! We all wondered how she discussed their issues but her name was not Sunshine and she was dressed in a business suit

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    1. And for all we know there was lingerie under that business suit. But I assume she was an ACTUAL sex therapist, and spent her sessions using her words, not her orifices.

      Delete
  26. I am not in the law field, but I do have a true crime podcast so that makes me an "expert" and she is in fact a prostitute. I will say she is a very smart one. The therapy cover is an awesome way to cash in on fetishes and still stay within the law.

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    1. Thank god we finally got an expert in here! Case officially closed. I don't know if I'd call this girl smart, however, since she talks about it with everyone. I imagine she's only one wrong comment away from bragging to a police officer and getting herself and her 'clients' all busted.

      Delete
  27. Bryan:
    Cripes almighty...you come across some of the ZANIEST stuff I have ever heard of (and thankfully not seen, but my MIND'S EYE is quite bothered now...might need therapy...lol).
    Well, it's as much prostitution as those "Asian massage parlors" we have in Fort Wayne...that get raided on a semi-regular basis.
    (they rub you right way, long time, happy ending)
    I dated a hairdresser a long time ago. They sure have CHANGED a lot since the late 70s...and perhaps not in a better way, mind you.
    Either it's the altitude out there, or the legal pot, but I'm thinking it's a reprehensible combination of BOTH.
    Good story, nice polls (no, not THAT one...sheesh), and excellent cartoons.

    Stay safe (and sexually-embraced) out there.

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    1. Ha! Yeah, who'd have ever thought you'd see the day where you can come to a full service salon? Get your hair cut, get a massage, and then get a happy ending, all in one sitting. You're already covered in hair, why not add a liquid or two?

      Delete
  28. While I can't say I've researched it, I'm pretty sure this HAS to be illegal. I have a bachelors in psychology with a specialization in human sexuality, and I can assure you ACTIVELY HAVING SEXUAL RELATIONS with patients is not recommended or healthy. Just to begin, it breaks the boundary of the doctor patient relationship. And that's just from a therapy stand point...nevermind handies for money.

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    1. I appreciate the thoroughness of your comment, and that it's coming from someone who's way more qualified to weigh in on this than my stupid self. But regardless, I could not agree more. I mean, could you imagine a real therapist trying to get to the root of a patient's underlying sexual problems, while also finishing every session by having sex with them? Forget illegal, that's just plain unethical. I think the only saving grace of this ridiculous scenario is that the guys who come to this girl all clearly know that she's not a therapist, and they are in no way coming to her to seek out anything other than a quick buff n' wax.

      Delete
  29. Oy, BnB. First, I laughed at "knob throttling." And your surveys are hilarious. While I give myself "therapy" on the regular, that's entirely different. Seriously, as a licensed therapist, this post troubles me greatly. A few years ago I wrote an article about "sex therapists." They practice what they teach. There's something sick and twisted with the whole thing. In CA, we're trained to give clients a little pamphlet that reads, "Professional therapy never includes sex." So, no, she ain't no therapist. That's not legal or ethical. Even if she were a licensed clinician - it's a very disturbing abuse of power. On the other hand that's not being used for throttling, I believe in legalizing prostitution. Then women like Sunshine wouldn't need to downgrade my already downgraded profession and men would have far fewer anger issues.

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    1. "My already downgraded profession" - ha! I'm sorry, but I laughed just as hard as I wept for your profession over that statement. Between being a therapist and being a writer, you must never be at a shortage of hearing people say, "Oh yeah, I do that, too", while having absolutely no formal training.

      Delete
  30. Its only illegal if she's on a street corner wearing hot pants and a bikini top.

    There are all types of legal prostitution: marriage being the most common, getting free drinks at the bar and going upstairs (or to the back seat), dating sites. Book signings . . .

    Seriously though, yeah, somebody needs to "plug" this legal loophole. And tell your wife to keep her distance; never know the last place that lady's hands have been!

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    1. The last time she gave my wife a hug, my wife came home and instantly showered in disgust. True story.

      Delete
  31. Yeah this is straight up prostitution. I don't doubt that "sex therapy" is a thing, and that some people have problems expressing themselves sexually, but this really just sounds like prostitution. Actual sexual therapy would also involve talking about why you're having problems sexually and overcoming them. Not calling someone to come have sex with you because you're too mentally challenged to go out and get laid.

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    1. "I overcame my difficulties with sex by having sex with this random woman! The program works!" - the testimonial on her website, I imagine

      Delete
  32. Prostitution. Plain and simple. I'm not entirely sure if there are more people in Sunshine's line of work, (being a prostitute but calling themselves a "sex therapist"), but I'm pretty sure that once people start finding out about such "services" the demand for "sex therapists" will go up by about 1000%. She's getting in on the ground floor, so she'll probably be the one holding training seminars (i.e. orgies) for people who want to join the "knob"le profession.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh my god. I never realized what a pioneer Sunshine truly is. I'm laughing at her, but when she's a therapimp worth millions, perhaps she'll be laughing at me.

      Delete
    2. Yep. She'll be able to buy and sell all of us. And here I am, busting my butt in grad school when I could have just to one of her weekend "seminars" and been independently wealthy within 5 years! Boy have I been duped!

      Delete
  33. Prostitution. But it SHOULD be legal. Anyway, Robyn was wrong. I shouldn't have bought that box of Depends, just a tissue was all that was needed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? This is what happens when prostitution is illegal. You get crap like this. And sorry about needing a tissue, but I hear Sunshine would be more than happy to clean that up...

      Delete
  34. Always so interesting over here at ABFTS.

    A hooker for sure. She can camouflage it any way she wants but she's a prostitute. There's probably some eloquent way to say "A hooker by any other name is still as ????" Nothing comes to mind but I am sure that the term therapist isn't in there anywhere.

    Your wife had to know that she was in the presence of a "eccentric" the minute this woman started talking about her "aura" but when Sunshine started in on the sex therapy business...it had to be clear that she was a full blown nut job. Every work place has at least one truly bat-shit crazy in the ranks but salons tend to have more than most. In the salon I go to there is one that continually talks about her problems with her alcoholism in great detail and another has multiple personalities complete with different names. The salon is a high-end salon so it's not a matter of it being "you get what you pay for". (of course, I am just paying to get my hair done and my stylist is a male that I want NOTHING extra from.)

    A couple of things come to mind about Sunshine...First she has a really big mouth. If word got out in Kansas that someone was operating a small business and didn't have some kind certification that required the state from getting money for registration, continuing education and a half dozen other cost inducing requirements there would be serious legal ramifications. The hooking might be a misdemeanor but the not registering with the state might land one in jail. (OK...I might have that wrong but I will continue to register every year to be allowed to be called a Realtor just to be safe) Of course, I am assuming there aren't certifications available to be a penis massage therapist. Perhaps, I will start a new business but will have to first register it with the state.

    2nd thought....20 bucks??? That's it??? What kind of therapist works for 20 bucks? She not only is a whack job but she is a seriously bad business owner. I just have to think that if she has someone's dick in her hand she could negotiate for more money. (again, I could be wrong as my business doesn't require pants off.)

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    1. Yes, this is a very high end salon, where women go to spend hundreds of dollars just on their hair, so it's pretty hilarious that they have a $20 hooker working for them. Every work place has one, right...?

      I've already learned, just in the comments alone, that impersonating a therapist (which you need a license for) is a serious offense all on its own, so Sunshine might very well be one 'business referral' away from the slammer.

      She... would not be missed.

      Delete
  35. It is nice to have a different hand once in a while, but paying for it seems a little odd. Broadcasting her job in a hair salon is probably better than putting it in the National Enquirer, though. Does she get regular health exams? By regular I mean daily. Not sure I would not want her to touch my head. The upper one, that is, not knowing where her hands have been recently.

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    1. Oh no, she doesn't believe in things like medicine and STD checks. But her healing crystals say that her chakra is 100% primed, so she's good to go, my friend.

      Delete
  36. "hippy"
    I had to stop reading there to write this part of the comment. It's spelled "hippie", you peace-hating, tree-chopping bound spirit!
    (After looking it up, "hippy" is also apparently accepted spelling, but it's 49.5 million Google hits vs "hippie"s 165 million clearly make it the most correct option.)

    In all seriousness though, let's first start off by disclaiming that 1) I know fuckall about American law, and 2) we should respect sex workers just as much as we should be respecting any other profession.

    So, disregarding legality, I actually think sex therapy (done by legitimate therapists with the relevant education, and not some "just graduated from applied psychology") has a place in society, albeit be it a very niche one. I'm no expert, so I wouldn't be able to give you an accurate list of possible applications, but we can both take a good guess I think.

    Slightly related, and something that has stuck with me since I read it, is the most common reason for elderly people to visit masseuses. Not physical ailments, but a mental craving. If you're hella old, and your partner has passed away, nobody touches you anymore. At least not in a very caring way (elderly care these days is supposedly shit over here, idk about the US though). Getting a massage satisfies (some of) that desire to be physically close to someone, even if there is no other intimacy involved.
    Similarly, in the Netherlands there are a few companies that offer "sex care" for the disabled, and most insurances will actually cover this! They can either assist in a disabled person's sex life (ie "help how do I make this work"), or straight-up create a sex life if one isn't there. The people providing that care aren't prostitutes in the traditional sense, they're people with the education and experience needed to provide a high-quality good time for people who, due to their disabilities, sadly can't get any by themselves.

    But yeah Sunshine doesn't sound like she has any relevant diplomas whatsoever, so she's basically sex service in a less shady/more professional setting. Which is partially a good thing, there's obviously a legitimate demand for that kind of business (both from receivers and providers), so it needs to exist, and making it *seem* more legitimate is a good first step towards making it more so.
    Still, fuck her for providing therapy without a license. This is how rapists are born. (Actually, probably not, but I'd rather not risk it.)

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    1. You say hippie, I say hippy. You say potato, I say potatoe. Let's call the whole thing off (and agree to unite our hatred toward the REAL enemy, people that abuse your/you're).

      I never thought about elder care in that regard. That's pretty damn heartbreaking. Yeah, we need some changes around here, and I really have never understood why prostitution, or even just those sex care providers you described, are illegal here. Human trafficking - bad. Child sex workers - even worse. But two consenting adults - who cares?

      Let's put Sunshine out of business, I say. A back alley hand job being masked as a 'sex therapy' session is pathetic in every possible sense. It belittles real sex therapy, which is incredibly helpful for couples who get along just fine but have sexual issues, and it belittles actual prostitutes, who at least have the balls to say "I will willingly have sex with you if you pay me the amount that I've deemed worthy for this service."

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  37. Let's see. If she acts like a ho and gets paid like a ho... she's a ho! Unless she's a nympho. In that case, she's pretty smart, because not only is she getting HER kicks, but she's also getting paid for it. Win-win!

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    1. I think that's making this chick sound way cooler and way smarter than she really is.

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  38. You really live in the wild, wild west out there in the 'high' country. Legal or not, she doesn't sound like a good business person. She should charge much more.

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    1. Further proof that you can't put a price on love, but you can put a price on hand jobs (and it should be higher).

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  39. It's just good old sexual healing. It's helps people relieve their minds and feel so fine.

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  40. Imagine that sex therapy is legal but requires a license. If that's the case, then what Sunshine is doing is illegal, albeit welcome.

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    1. (There was an episode of Boston Legal where a sex therapist came out of retirement to help one of her old clients and then got arrested for prostitution. I've totally forgotten what they said the legalities were, but Jane Lynch played the therapist. Also, she got let off)

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    2. Just looked it up - Season 3, episode 1. It's called "Can't We All Get a Lung?". Hope it helps.

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    3. Wow, is there nothing TV can't solve and wrap up neatly in 30 minute increments?

      I do know for a fact that actual sex therapy is legal, but A) it's performed by a licensed therapist and B) they just talk with you about sex. The doctor is there to help you figure out what problems you're having with your sex life, they don't solve those problems by giving you a slap and a tickle.

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    4. Oh, but wouldn't life be so much better if they did?

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  41. I think they used to cure women of "hysteria" by the doctor fingering the woman to climax. Women used to go for their monthly "treatments" from the doctor. Eventually, a doctor with a tired hand invented the vibrator. So, if those doctors weren't prostitutes, then how could this sexual therapist lady be one? Surely, that's a double standard. Or maybe it's just that hand jobs aren't clinically considered sex? But honestly, I'm not sending my husband to thus lady!

    It surprises me that you live in Denver. This sounds like more of a Durango or Boulder situation- but there I go with my stereotypes!

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    1. This woman also teaches Kundalini Yoga in Boulder on her days off (under her made-up yogi name, which yes, is her third name), and that probably tells you everything you need to know about her. I would call her delusion hysteria, but I don't think any amount of doctor-ordered finger blasting would make her suddenly normal.

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    2. Ah, so there is a Boulder connection! I was being flip. Funny that it's real.

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  42. Hehehe...I had fun reading the post and then the comments. All forms are illegal in my country.

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    1. We had a good time, too. All forms are illegal here, too. Someone should probably pass that along to Sunshine.

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  43. She changed her name because she's more than likely on the run. If not, just incase. It'd be difficult finding her records (I think).

    Uhh yeah she's a professional seductive call girl. She even does her own bookings...like Aileen Wuornos. She ain't need no pimp daddy.

    There are some very interesting people out there.........is this a joke?

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    1. Nah, she changed her name because she's a complete fruitcake. It 'called out to her' or some shit. She also has a yogi name that she uses when she teaches yoga. She still has her birth name on her salon bio so that people can find her. This is no joke. I met her at the company holiday party and she's a complete hippy nutjob who believes in healing crystals and yes, that she's helping men with their 'sexual expression' by getting them off (for a small fee).

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  44. Hmmmmm.... random but related: isn't it a little weird that porn is ok in places where prostitution is illegal? Like, you can't do sex for money, but you can do sex for money on CAMERA. Hmm?

    I'm all about legalizing/regulating the sex industry. Guessing this one is probably a "hell no" based on current laws, though.

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