Monday, January 16, 2017

The Results Came In, and It's Definitely Tacos


Fingers crossed!

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon (and Uncle Bryan)

Music: The Babys
Beer: Crazy Mountain Amber Ale

114 comments:

  1. That's all fine and dandy until they have to be squeezed out of there. Not only will the ensuing shell-breakage likely lead to internal bleeding, it will also make them really hard to eat and not proper tacos anymore.

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    1. Also it just dawned on me this is an announcement too, and not just a joke. Congratulations, you two! I'm sure we'll hear all about the antics as they unfold. (:

      Delete
    2. Hmmm, are tacos still good when covered in placenta and amniotic fluid? I'm kinda thinking not.

      Oh, and thanks! Hopefully those antics aren't things like "dropped baby on his head again lol".

      Delete
  2. Maybe it'll be the new one from taco bell where the shell is fried chicken. Because why not kill another animal while we're at it?

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    1. Put enough fried animals together like that, and soon enough they'll kill you. And the circle of life is complete, or something like that.

      Delete
  3. Well it will be far wrinklier than a taco and comes with a whole lot more poop too haha Congrats!

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    1. We've had dogs for years upon years so trust me, we are no stranger to poop, puke, or pee.

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  4. Replies
    1. Thanks! We're holding out hope that the next ultrasound shows a stuffed crust DiGiornio.

      Delete
  5. Congrats, but if it is tacos I can help. Really. Just think, your own little biological replacement unit!

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    1. Thanks! So, what if you went into the back of Taco Bell, and it was just a huge assembly line of women giving mass-birth to tacos? Is it weird that I'd still eat there?

      Delete
  6. Congrats! Sleep now because once taco is here there will be sleep no more. lol

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I don't sleep much anyway so in a way you could say I've been building up to this moment for years. Thanks!

      Delete
  7. My panegyric comment shall commence at once!...

    CONGRATULATIONS, Brandon! Y'all done good!

    And... uh... uhm...

    ...Well, I guess panegyric just ain't my bailiwick.

    But, say, wuz you really listening to THE BABYS, or do dat jus' be a joke?

    ~ D-FensDogG
    Check out my new blog @
    (Link:] Stephen T. McCarthy Reviews...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Can it be both? It was oddly fitting.

      Thanks! It was a ton of hard work, but somehow I got the job done.

      You know, I used to be a panegyric, but then I learned that it's wrong to disrespect women.

      Delete
  8. Congrats to the parents-to-be! You two are really committed to this whole heterosexual marriage facade, aren't you? I'm impressed.

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    1. Thanks! Fun fact: if you pretend you're impregnating a man then it's a lot easier. Also, this kid is gonna need some serious therapy. All hail heteronormativity!

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. I'll be happy either way, but if it comes out with a Dorito colored shell then my wife's gonna have some serious explainin' to do.

      Delete
  10. Congrats. I will write twice as many comments as before on your blog, since I assume that you get paid by the comment.

    Although, honestly, are tacos really going to need a college education?

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    1. Thanks! We do get paid per comment, so we appreciate your help with future finances. Right now we're less concerned with college and more concerned with taco diapers, which I'm told are more costly since tacos are pretty much liquid diarrhea.

      So, remind us, what's $0 x 2?

      Delete
  11. Congratulations to you and Mrs. Brandon!!! What exciting news to start off 2017. Little human children are WAYYYYY better than even the best taco.

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    1. Thanks! But wait, are little human children better than little cat children or little dog children? Those things are pretty damn adorable.

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    2. True dog children and cat children are sweet but I think when you meet your human child you will agree that he or she will be the most adorable child that ever existed. (don't all mommies and daddies think that or was that just me?)

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    3. Apparently that's basic science, that we're programmed to think our kids are the cutest things ever, even if they look like they should be hung out in a field to scare away predators.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/05/ac/f2/05acf2b63acd2d63552ba5d7723ed5f6.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  12. Um... I have no response to that.
    Okay, actually, I have so many responses to that, I can't pick just one.
    I mean, there are so many ways I could go!

    Just, you know, make sure you keep stocked the weird foods.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Currently it's Life cereal, but I've got pickles and ice cream on stand by, just in case. I feel like it can only get weirder from here.

      Delete
  13. What a clever way of spilling the pinto or black or refried beans. CONGRATULATIONS to Brandon and the expectant Mommy! Here's to a healthy & not too messy (yeah right!) taco supreme.

    And as an auntie, I assure you, the job of uncle/auntie is the best. (In case you didn't already know this.) The chefs get to deal with all the taco mess. You just enjoy.

    Good news from friends makes me happy.

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    1. Thanks! I've heard they're incredibly messy, and I was originally going to plastic wrap everything in the house for protection, but then I realized the problem will have a central location, so I'm just going to plastic wrap the baby, instead. I'm sure that'll be fine.

      Delete
    2. It works for grown-ups, so why not?
      [im]http://jawdrops.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/j22.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    3. It's great for everyone! It also helps keep the wife nice and comfy while she's being all hormonal and what not.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/63/ab/99/63ab99c2a073e0ffd9609e7d25e6c849.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    4. Yeah, and that way there's no possibility of creating other tacos. It's full-proof AND multi-purpose.

      Delete
  14. B&B:
    (well, mainly Brandon and the Missus)
    Congrats on your "expectancy".
    You are about to enter a "unique" part of your lives that will make a 70,000 light year journey (back to KNOWN space) in Star Trek: Voyager look like a stroll around the block...heh.
    You'll have a new appreciation for something you will remember as SLEEP.
    And the "stuff" you'll discover in diapers will make you LONG to be stuck in the trash compactor with Luke, Leia, Han and Chewy!
    Also, you'll find that very small people like to eat a lot more often than you can imagine through a 24 hour cycle.
    Still, when they grow up, become filthy rich, and you've convinced them to buy you a nice island to retire to, it's worth it...lol.

    Stay safe (and classy) out there, everyone.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks, Bob! You just made this entire trip through a sea of poop and pee and tears that I'm willingly paying who-knows-how-much for sound worth it! I'm going to start scouting out islands immediately.

      Delete
  15. Definitely congratulations to you Brandon and to Uncle Bryan not that he had anything to do with it (I hope). You could always call the baby "Taco"

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    1. Thanks! And hey, it's not like I had a huge amount to do with it, either. We're both enjoying being fairly useless as Mrs. Brandon suffers through all of the actual hard work. :)

      Delete

  16. I don't know if this will work, it's my first try and I just saw it on FB and thought it might apply... If it don't, well, you just saved your eyes another dippy picture. Congrats in either event!


    [im]https://scontent.ford1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/15977165_1297336793638103_1717431954798904124_n.jpg?oh=63c9b0c2b35df5745e404c17e00439f7&oe=5921BDD5[/im]

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    1. Ha! That's hilarious. Mrs. Brandon is already very thin, so I'm pretty sure it's not one too many burritos, but you never know in this day and age.

      [im]https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CTewbnHXAAAl4qU.jpg[/im]

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  17. AWESOME!!! Congratulations. If Mrs. B is very thin, she'll be like I was while expecting our first. My father-in-law said I looked like an hors do'oeuvre: an olive on a toothpick.

    Enjoy.

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    1. Thanks! I love the visual. For some reason, that reminds me of a very stupid 'yo mama' joke.

      Yo mama's so skinny, she ate a meatball and everyone thought she was pregnant.

      Delete
  18. I'm sorry what happens if little tacco does not compute, has multiple system errors and tries to analyze his flawed and incomplete parents? Oh well I think I will burst into flames now.

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    1. A better question is, why was tacobot 3000 programmed to feel pain? ENTERING SELF DESTRUCT MODE.

      Delete
  19. That's AWESOME NEWS!!! Congrats. Just please don't name a boy "Jimmy Changa"...LOL

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thank you! And just know that you have given me ideas that I now cannot unthink.

      Delete
  20. Is THAT where tacos come from? :O

    I thought the stork dropped them off at Taco Bell. ...And then they made chalupas and empanadas out of the leftover parts from the stork.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's partially true. See, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they go to Taco Bell and stuff themselves full of stork meat until mommy front-diarrheas a baby.

      The miracle of life is just beautiful.

      Delete
  21. Congratulations!! Def not tacos, but maybe....A BABY BURRITO?!?!?!?!

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    1. We're still holding out hope for a purrito.

      [im]http://www.catster.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/8c8cbab60a2bf7b2f85b20bda79d0731.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  22. Well, congratulations to you both for the new baby coming now just make sure you don't place taco sauce and sour cream on top of him or her.

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    1. Well, then how else are you supposed to eat the baby? With ketchup?

      (And thanks!)

      Delete
  23. You will be so grateful for those purrito wrapping skills. Anyway, congratulations! I totally enjoy being a mom. But I am not normally a fan of their friends. I thought I'd be the house that all the kids hung out at. In reality I don't want their friends here. I raised kids I like to hang out with, other parents did not do the same.

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    1. Thanks! I didn't even think about that. I'm already not a big fan of other people's children in most cases. Hopefully my kid doesn't choose his/her friends unwisely. Otherwise, I'll be the dad that wanders downstairs in his underwear and asks them if they like that dope new hippity hop I heard on the YouTube.

      Delete
  24. The real question is what kind of tacos? Fish, chicken, beef, Doritos Locos, Spaghetti?

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    1. Spaghetti tacos OR BUST.

      [im]http://media.cleveland.com/health_impact/photo/9030187-large.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  25. Hahaha that is a parental right of passage! I can't tell you how many times I've done that. Thankfully I have the reputation as the mom that says fuck a lot so most parents don't allow their kids over. It's a win/win

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    1. Not sure why it commented as a separate comment and not a reply. That's what I get for trying to comment on my phone while under the influence of migraine meds.

      Delete
    2. What an uncool mom thing to do! Just kidding, I've done that so many times any teenager within a 500 foot vicinity should most likely roll their eyes at my very presence. I'm already going into this whole parenting thing being beyond uncool. The swearing thing is probably the only thing I have going for me. Fuck.

      Delete
  26. Is it wrong that I've never had a taco?

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    Replies
    1. It's not necessarily 'wrong', but your life is definitely sadder having never experienced one.

      Delete
  27. I think Blogger ate up my comment yesterday, so here it is again.

    CONGRABULATOINS!!!

    And as a parent of a 16 & 24 year old, I beg of you, sign up for any free guv'ment program you qualify for. Otherwise, give strong thought to a 2nd mortgage on your humble abode.

    Father Nature's Corner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! And I appreciate the offer, but I'm one of those guys who's too "rich" to ever be considered for any kind of gubmint program, but too poor to ever be anything other than poor.

      Delete
  28. Congratulations on uncovering a whole new subject area to mine for the foreseeable future!

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    1. Thanks! And just when I thought my supply of poop jokes was running dry.

      Delete
  29. Brandon, are you going to be like one of those spiders that eats their own children?

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    1. I'm more of a praying mantis type. I'll just be lucky if I can get through this pregnancy with my head still attached to my neck.

      Delete
  30. Congratulations! It's too early in the morning for me to come up with a joke that makes sense. Instead, you get cuteness.
    [im]http://www.costumepop.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/baby-taco-costume.jpg[/im]

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    1. Hey, thanks! That's an awesome picture! And I'm just impressed that you were able to google 'baby taco' without finding anything disturbing.

      Delete
  31. Hard or soft? You know my theory on that! Awe seriously, congrats! That is awesome news.

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    1. Thanks! I'm just happy with any kind of taco, as long as it's not some kind of got-damned chalupa.
      (I don't even know what that means, so interpret that how you will)

      Delete
  32. Big congrats on the tacos. My oldest son is expecting his first at the start of March. You know, certain tacos can keep you up all night so say good bye to uninterrupted sleep for the next 21 or so years.

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    1. Thanks! I'm not much for sleep, anyway, so as long as the baby can't physically stop me from drinking beer - and I guarantee he/she won't be able to, what with those weak, tiny hands - I'll be alright.

      Delete
  33. Congratulations, but I hope you are ready to take on the responsibility of raising a taco...or twin tacos, as your ultrasound results would indicate.

    How will you feel the first time that taco takes a spill on their bicycle and breaks their shell?

    Are you prepared to answer the inevitable Taco Bell questions?

    How will you feel if your young taco comes home and reveals he (or she, no taco sexist I) wants to be a Doritos Loco Taco. Or what if your young a la carte item identifies with a Goridta? Or a Chalupa?

    Raising Mexican take-out is no picnic, my friend-and in the event that it becomes a picnic...need I say more?

    Maybe, all things considered, it would have been better in the long run to sire a baby!

    Larry

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    1. Well, first we started with the cat, then we got a dog, then we got a pet rock, and then we stepped up to a sea monkey aquarium, and now, just barely, we're getting ready to try out a taco.

      A real baby? Psssh, we're not even close to being ready for that!

      And thanks!

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    2. I don't know-after a pet rock, I would think a baby is child's play!

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    3. [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/dOJt6XZlQw8qQ/giphy.gif[/im]

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  34. Not how I'd like to get a taco, and all that amniotic fluid and etc. will definitely look like you overdid the taco sauce. . .Congrats on the addition to the Brandon family! Your life will never be the same, in a good way, of course. Tell the wife she is wished a fast and easy time of it. Wow is all I can say. The deed is done.

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    1. Thanks! Don't forget to feel sorry for me, too. It was really hard work doing my part, and from here on out, I'm gonna be in constant pain and agony. I need to lay down at the very thought. Whew.

      Delete
    2. Yes, you men do play an important part, wink wink nudge nudge (a la Monty Python)

      Delete
  35. Such wonderful news. Congratulations Brandon and Mrs Brandon.
    Liife is going to be so much more exciting for you ❤️

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! Considering I just got an onion ring in my fries yesterday, I don't know if life can get any more exciting than it is now, but I'm open to it.

      Delete
  36. Congratulations! What if you have a McDouble? Any twins in the family line?

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    1. Thanks! Wait, is a McDouble twins, or is that like Siamese twins, since it's technically two patties in the same bun? I think the double cheeseburger is twins. Maybe.

      I know way too much about fast food.

      Delete
    2. lol that made me laugh and technically you would be correct in the food for thought..

      Again congrats!

      Delete
  37. OMG! One more step on the path to adulthood. I will commiserate with you from afar - don't want to risk getting any spit-up on my good jeans. Never too early to take precautions.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, but try as it may to catch me, adulthood will never sink its claws into me!

      -this message sent while watching cartoons and eating breakfast cereal for dinner, which is a daily occurrence

      Delete
  38. I have to ask: are you actually going to be a parent?

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    1. Yep, this is our way of announcing that I'm going to spawn. We like to joke about a lot of things, but "my wife is pregnant - lol jk!" isn't all that funny.

      Delete
  39. So, if she front-pooped out a taco, you'd be psyched to eat it? What if it was that new Taco Bell fried chicken shell taco? I'm not sure I'd want the special sauce on that taco. Oh, wait, this is your subtle way of telling us you're going to have a baby...or the rudest, most passive aggressive way to tell your wife she's gained a couple. Congratulations, may your baby be metal AF.
    [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/50/c7/1d/50c71d39894be01fd65be53995babd4f.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! I don't know if my baby will be metal in the slightest, but one can only hope.

      [im]http://www.guzer.com/pictures/flip_off_baby.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  40. Hey major congratulations. If it's not tacos then I don't know what it could be. I didn't pay much attention in health class.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! I didn't pay much attention either, which is probably why this whole thing took so long. So much trial and error.

      Delete
  41. We had chicken fajita tacos for dinner tonight and I ate too much. No more tacos for a while. And we're too old for any kids other than occasional visits from grandkids.

    I will say that children are such a blessing when they aren't a curse.

    Congratulations.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! Just like fajitas, children are a blessing in moderation. In excess, you're in for a nasty stomach ache. Or something like that.

      Delete
  42. Hey, this is great news. Congratulations!

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  43. Tuesdays are going to be a big day for your family. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I just hope we have enough to go around because I do NOT share tacos.

      Delete
  44. Ahhh! There's going to be a Beer Baby!!! How exciting. Congratulations Brandon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But hopefully not a literal Beer Baby because fetal alcohol syndrome is no joke. Thanks!

      Delete
  45. Congratulations guys. Now how would you go about making a side order?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I've been told if I ever make a side order I'll be immediately castrated.

      Delete
  46. That would be awesome, but awful at the same time. I mean, the tacos are right there, but you can't eat your own kid. The best you could get from this is inviting your neighbor over to enjoy while you watch.

    Wow! Even typing that felt wrong.

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    Replies
    1. I'm hungry and yet strangely turned on. What is wrong with me?

      Delete