Thursday, September 1, 2016

The Idiot's Guide To Arguing On The Internet





























112 comments:

  1. B&B:
    R-O-F-L-M-A-O...!!!
    Cripes, I woke the cat up laughing so damn much.
    (and all of this is TRUE...100% of it).

    That's why I don't do all the S-M (that's Social Media, and not that other thing, which I don't do either...heh).

    You fellas could write a BOOK about this stuff.
    (and maybe you should - just a thought)

    Excellent post and a great way to kick off a new month.

    Stay safe (and always classy) out there, guys!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The Idiot's Guide to Arguing on the Internet - The Book (Part 1)! 1,240 pages devoted to every idiotic verbal tactic ever devised!

      Well, we'd certainly have enough material. I don't know if our poor souls could take such punishment, though. Or our brains such a mental flogging.

      Thanks, Bob!

      Delete
  2. Hilarious!
    Don't forget to quote other people. Even if it has nothing to do with the point.

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    1. Uh, I believe it was THE Neil DeGrasse Tyson who once said, "Facts are true whether you believe in them or not", and he's a Science Man™, you know, so I think that adequately defends my argument of why Star Trek is better than Star Wars.

      Delete
  3. I don't argue, I tried that once when guns as a 'right' were mentioned and within seconds several people insinuated that I was a pacifist moron (did they know what that meant?), that as a Canadian I shouldn't even be commenting (BUT, I was born in the USA as Springsteen says) and that I would hope someone protected me and mine (with their guns) if we (as in North America mostly) were overrun by Russians, Mexicans or any other of those groups the big T mentions. WTF. No differing opinions allowed...?? It's a waste of time to argue with dunces or walls.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You don't like violence? What a buffoon!

      Maybe that's its own new rule. 6) Use regular words and turn them into insults. You pacifist! You Canadian!

      (Oh, and it's true, we Mexicans are coming for you, guns blazing, so you better watch the fuck out)

      Delete
  4. You forgotten add, when it's obvious you are losing the argument point out every spelling and grammar mistake they make.

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    1. Lol and when I went back to catch mine I had already hit publish.

      Delete
    2. LOL I might possibly bother to reply to your comment and refute you but it's clear you can't even pass 2nd grade English hahaha hahaha I'm winning now I have 2 points because I'm keeping score and you have 0 points hahaha somebody please love and validate me

      Delete
    3. Muphry's Law: Every comment pointing out grammar or spelling errors will inevitably contain a grammar or spelling error of its own. (Not to be confused with Murphy's Law.)

      Delete
    4. That reminds me a bit of Gowdin's Law (not to be confused with Godwin's Law) in which the longer someone points out spelling and grammar errors, the more likely someone is to call him/her a Grammar Nazi.

      Delete
  5. When faced with sourced facts, you should point out that the experts and media are biased and can't be trusted.

    As a side note, I question the accuracy of your initial chart.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's a graph, Nas, and it's on the Internet. I mean, I think that pretty much solidifies it as a concrete fact. If it would help, though, I could paste it over a stock photo of the universe and attribute it to a study conducted by Bill Nye the Science Guy?

      Delete
    2. You sure convinced me, cupcake.

      Delete
  6. LOLOLOLOLOL! How's that? I try and avoid arguments with strangers because, believe it or not, you have shown exactly what happens. Getting into a pissing match with a skunk is always a losing situation even if you pee on the skunk first. The only person who knows the Truth is sitting on top of a mountain somewhere taking bong hits. I want to join that person.

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    1. I think the first thing I would ask him wouldn't be "What's the secret to ultimate happiness?" or "What's the meaning of life?", it would be "How do you stay up on top of this mountain, high out of your gourd, without falling off?"

      Delete
  7. `
    Then again, one could just... STFU.

    Personally, I feel this should have been titled 'The Idiot's Guide To Arguing With Idiots On The Internet'.

    Arguing With Internet Idiots, or AWII: Every person I've argued with on the Internet was an idiot. I'm an idiot too, but not as big an idiot as they were so... I WON THE INTERNET!

    The Pet Names info is good advice. Like, a guy going by the pseudonym "Steve12", you can call him "Little Stevie6-Grade" (as I did).

    One thing you really gotta be careful about is criticizing someone's shitty spelling and grasp of grammar. It's OK to do it, but if you do, make DAMN SURE you don't make any mistakes or miss correcting any typos of your own before posting, because they're gonna shove that down your throat and up your ass all in one move.

    Like yesterday for example: I was not ShuttingTFU and I was AW an II. He kept screwing up on THEIR / THERE and YOUR / YOU'RE. So I latched onto that like a dog with a bone and made comments such as...

    First of all, if you're going to try to debate with me, we need to settle on a single language. I suggest English. Can you please switch to that one? Thanks, kid.

    and...

    I don't watch Faux News. I thought I'd made my opinion of the Mainstream Media pretty clear. But then again, I was typing in English, and that may have thrown you a little bit.

    But then in my very next comment I wrote...

    I've been permanently band by BigBitch.com (aka Amazon.com) for being too Right wing

    UHP! I'M AN IDIOT!

    Right after having won the Internet I would have lost it again if not for the fact I was luckily saved by this idiot's lack of English command. Apparently he never even noticed my BAND / BANNED mistake. Whew! That was a close call! Internet saved by the grace of God and that idiot's idiocy.

    Anyway, thanks! Good advice here, Beer Boys, even for a pro like me.

    ~ Stephen

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    1. That was a close one, but you still managed to pull off the win! Please step up to the podium and accept your prize.

      [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/1tMAf3nLWDujC/giphy.gif[/im]

      And for the runner-up, Little Stevie6-Grade, we don't let anyone go home empty-handed here on the Internet, so please take this lovely parting gift.

      [im]http://cdn.toptenreviews.com/rev/prod/ce/418-rosetta-stone-english-box.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  8. Marvelous! You forgot an important tactic: creating a sockpuppet account so you have someone you don't know *wink,wink* backing you up in the argument.
    [im]http://www.entertainmentbuddha.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/reservoir-dogs-mr-pink-sock-puppet.png[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, we all need our own personal Señor Wences sometimes.

      [im]https://thejesuscodpiece.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/hand_puppet.jpg[/im]
      My comment... s'alright?
      S'alright!

      Delete
  9. New back button, new liger (long tiger, right?), new post, HO BOY what a treat!

    I honestly don't get where people encounter this type of internet arguing. I have a browser extension that hides the YouTube comments sections and... that's about it? I guess I just don't visit environments that play home to such... warriors.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You think that's crazy, wait until next week's comic and you see our wicked ass NEXT button. Shit's going bananas around here.

      Also, that's no liger, that's my cat. A longcat™ by the name of Gemma, who when not stretched out like a yard stick, can be found as so, hugging her tail like a sweet, beautiful idiot.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/bRFQSQn.jpg[/im]

      So, um... what's this browser extension? Because I kinda need that in my life. I see WAY too many idiots squabbling on the Internet for my own mental health's sake.

      Delete
    2. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/hide-youtube-comments/kehdmnjmaakacofbgmjgjapbbibhafoh
      At the time of writing it has exactly 420 reviews. That cannot be coincidence.

      Delete
    3. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/hide-youtube-comments/kehdmnjmaakacofbgmjgjapbbibhafoh
      At the time of writing it has exactly 420 reviews. That cannot be coincidence.

      Delete
    4. https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/hide-youtube-comments/kehdmnjmaakacofbgmjgjapbbibhafoh
      At the time of writing it has exactly 420 reviews. That cannot be coincidence.

      Delete
    5. An extension so good it's worth posting 3 times? Installed! Installed! INSTALLED!

      Delete
  10. Ohhhh, the temptation to argue with The Internet People is STRONG, especially when you see someone you know posting "facts" you know are completely out there. But there is no winning. Not for anyone. I think what makes me the craziest is when truly clueless people keep arguing their point, not realizing that the person opposing them is ONLY doing so to get a rise out of them. I mean, really, who (for example) goes to a youtube video of an artist they despise, only to comment on how much that artist sucks? They don't want you to convince them why that person's music is soooo worth your love and money. They only went there because somehow they have unreal amounts of spare time on their hands, and they've decided to spend it poking sticks at the animals and then watching them react.

    Side note: I almost didn't finish reading #3 without having a seizure. All those misused words! I closed my eyes for a moment, reminded myself that YOU guys know they're wrong, and pushed onward.

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    1. Wait, what misused words in #3? I don't no exactly what your talking about, but irregardless, we're glad to here that you enjoyed the post. Some people whom just don't have a life, like with your YouTube music example, case and point!

      Delete
  11. there is literally no internet debate that cannot be won by responding with this, and only this:

    [im]http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Wat-Gif-02.gif[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And if you don't have access to that, I feel like this is a close second.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/76OAWOl.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  12. Well, personally, I think it IS worth trying to conversate with someone of lesser intelligence for the sake of all the intensive porpoises. The intensive porpoises desperately need our help. They have just been added to the endangered species list. They're dying out due to stress, hypertension, and high blood pressure. They're just too intense. The only thing that calms their nerves are the gentle undersea reverberations of people getting upset and leaving angry comments on the internet. Won't someone please think of these delicate, albeit skittish and shaky, creatures? How DARE this "keyboard warrior" suggest otherwise? The thoughtless audacity! The sheer insensitivity and effrontery of such a remark!

    Am I doing it right?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And yet you have done NOTHING to suggest what to do about the camping situation, in which dolphins die needless in the woods every single year. So what are we going to do about the all in tents of porpoises?

      Delete
    2. You're just sidestepping the real issue. What about the countless porpoises raised in captivity and sold in uncomfortable packages, wedged in tightly with their fellow porpoises with hardly room to breathe? I bet you walk by them day after day without even giving it a thought. There they are on the shelves in boxes, row upon row, in tens of porpoises in each carton, their sad porpoise eyes staring out at you, and you feel NOTHING! People like you are part of the problem, not the solution. Check your privilege!

      Delete
    3. Okay, now look, bud, I'm not racist, but...(immediately follows with something astoundingly racist)

      Delete
    4. I'd love to see the intensive porpoise make another appearance sometime. One could pop up whenever someone claims to do something on their behalf, it's eyes bulging, maybe holding a cup of coffee, tremor marks all around.

      Example:

      Guy in a boardroom: "For all intensive porpoises, the new website is up and running."

      Intensive porpoise: "We never asked for your website! Don't pin that on us! Do you think a website is going to stop the nightmares!? Do you? DO YOU!!!???"

      Delete
    5. Consider that idea stolen. I mean tastefully re-porpoised.

      We need a lot more running gags around here.

      Delete
  13. Check this and see if you hit all the high points...

    http://humbleauthorbsp.blogspot.com/2012/09/opinion-judgement-and-trolls.html

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    1. That's great! We definitely need to add "always remain anonymous when commenting." No one should ever know who a knight is IRL. His anonymity... is his shield!

      Delete
  14. I don't spend much time on FB, so I've never even seen one of those idiotic arguments, let along take part in one of them. I mean, where's the fun in having a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Count your blessings, then. It's especially no fun if your opponent thinks they're the one doing all of the merciless beating. Yes, my fist is exhausted and overwhelmed from being struck by your face so much.

      Delete
  15. That reminds me so much of someone!
    Did he give you a class or something?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It reminds me of pretty much any internet commenter I've ever seen, and no, sadly the news comment section is not offering classes.

      Delete
  16. But you forgot one very important thing. You're only a winner when you restart the idiot speak and win again. You need the idiot's gold. You can't just win in blog comments. Nope. You have to win elsewhere too.

    "hahahahahaha I just had the funniest, bestest conversation with such idiots. Those beer guys walk away and I won. hahahahaha feels so good to know I proved the earth flat to a couple of beer guys. lmao I'm so wicked." (posted to imaginary Facebook account)

    "But the Earth is round and you needs to capitalize, Earth!"

    And so it starts again....

    You aren't truly a winner until you have conquered, Facebook, the ign comment section, youtube comment sections or at least 1000 message boards/blogs. And for each one you get the most precious thing ever. You get to add an extra "ha" to you long list of hahahahaha's. So Important!

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    1. Oh and don't forget news comment sections! Those also need conquering. Sure, the news story was "local dog brings smiles to children", but it's critical that you being religion and politics into it, with as much vitriol as possible.

      And yep, we had forgotten about the celebratory FB post. Just like a trip to the gym isn't real unless you post about it, an internet comment victory doesn't exist unless you gloat about it to your 37 friends.

      Delete
  17. "Are you having a gay seizure?" Funniest line EVER!

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    1. Ah, gay people - friendly and endearing even when suffering a massive seizure.

      Delete
  18. I never argue with anyone on the internet. I don't have to, I know I'm right and if they disagree they are morons and will probably vote for Señor Donald who is so fond of the Mexican people in your country.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. [im]http://66.media.tumblr.com/ca2d409d4eae031a04fa972c6c3760d7/tumblr_o4xmemcvz71rmerh9o1_500.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  19. Sweetie, that mizspeled bubble wuz to painful too read.

    Nothing like politics to ruin some time I'm trying to waste scrolling on Facebook. I can't wait for the election to be over and done so it can get back to cats and babies again. I never thought I'd say I miss posts with cats in them. I don't even like the damn things. Thanks Obama! Thanks Hillary! Thanks Trump! Now I like cats and it's all your fault!

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    1. But wait, that's this? It's Cat Donald Trump!
      [im]http://cdn77.sadanduseless.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/trump-cat1.jpg[/im]

      And what's this? It's Hillary Kitton deleting an e-mail!
      [im]http://38.media.tumblr.com/70e67ac451f1a2d59f2ac4e1df2d4f4f/tumblr_nmchktVcpO1rvzzt3o1_500.gif[/im]
      (Just thought I'd ruin cats for you, too)

      Delete
    2. The politics never end now. It's not just limited to election year.

      Delete
    3. The politics never end now. It's not just limited to election year.

      Delete
    4. The topics don't even have to be related to politics, either.

      Facebook post: "I like waffles!"
      Comment response: "Yep, that's exactly what a leftist conservatard Democrap Republicunt would say."

      Delete
  20. I don't do the facebook debate much anymore but I will go to other cities' new station's FB pages and annoy people I don't like when they comment on stupid shit with even dumber comments.

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    1. And I'm sure every single one of them thinks they verbally "smoked" you because idiots don't understand how arguments work.

      Delete
  21. What if your opponent tries to belittle you and then blocks you before you could post a response?

    This literally just happened to me the other day on Facebook.

    I decree that he has lost the argument because he eliminated the rebuttal that surely would have put him in his place had I had the chance to post it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "I won because you can't reply HAHAHA I have 10 points you have 0 and you can never have any points because I blocked you HAHAHA."

      That practically could have been a comic here.

      By the power vested in me by the Interwebs, I hereby proclaim you winner of that argument and grant you 25 Internet Points. Use those Internet Points wisely, my friend. They don't grow on trees*.

      *they grow on the Internet

      Delete
  22. I think the dumbfuckery level has remained stable over the years. We have different types of dumbfuckery. Some seem less dumbfucked than others, but people come and go and nothing really changes. I grew up with Vietnam and Watergate. Now it's Trumpfuckery and a different -gate all the time. I try to avoid arguments online, in person, or in another dimension because you can't argue with a fool, dude. I talk politics with Willy Dunne Wooters and my son because we have virtually the same opinions. We still find plenty to discuss. A lot of it consists of, "That's exactly what I think! And did you know if such-and-such happens we need X number of seats in the Senate? You're voting for X? I'm so glad." We're a bunch of dunderheaded liberals. Our hearts bleed too much for us to argue with each other.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Talking about politics is still so mentally draining, even if you agree, because the nation is still fucked (which I think we all agree on). We prefer to just bury our heads in the sand with a nice cold beer (the graininess and the dirt flavor is a small price to pay for peace and quiet).

      Delete
  23. Admit it; you based this entire post off of Trump's tweets...

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    1. Hmmm, no wonder he has that perma-helmet hair. It's from never taking off his knight helmet at home.

      Delete
  24. This reminds me of the Dunning-Kruger Effect which is, to oversimplify, when a person knows less about a subject, they will argue their ill-informed point harder. I got into an argument on my site with someone that devolved to the person just replying with 80's songs on YouTube. I lost that argument.
    [im]http://i.imgur.com/Jtwg0qf.gif[/im]

    ReplyDelete
  25. You guys are brilliant! I would totally buy your book "The Idiots Guide to Arguing on the Internet" (Part 1) even at 1240 pages. Put plenty of your cartoons in it, as well. All of this is hysterical.

    Am I the only one that loves to read the adversarial rants in the comment sections? Where else can you watch a brawl and be guaranteed that you won't get shot. I don't participate EVER in these digital fights because I am not quick-witted enough to keep up. It turns out that the idiots of the world may not be able to spell, use correct grammar, and most certainly don't have their facts straight but they are experts at being shitheads which gives them super powers in areas like name calling and belittling.

    I have noticed that the really good Internet arguers make a lot of assumptions about their opponents. They use phrases like: Perhaps if you didn't live in your parent's basement" or "If you had ever bothered to read a newspaper...."

    AND I love the back-handed compliments. When someone starts out with "I so admire your over-inflated sense of worth. (That a compliment right?)

    Besides just being fun to read, I think your information is very helpful. Maybe you should get crackin' on writing the book.

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    1. Oh yeah, when it comes to angry Internet commenting, it's best to be a spectator. I only wish that they would allow us to keep score. Wouldn't that make a lot of sense? And be kinda fun? I mean, whoever is commenting always thinks they won. We never have any neutral third parties pulling up a scorecard and saying, "Scott - 5.5. Your argument was alright, but I deducted 2 points for a strawman argument, 2 points for answering a question with another question, and .5 for using 'your' instead of 'you're'. Sorry, but you lost the argument."

      [im]http://www.zoginc.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/week4.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  26. Chackmate, all right. Oh man... these days everyone is an expert, and those who are not can't be shown the light, not now, not ever, so I don't even try.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, Blue, as a former Golden Pen Spelling Bee Middleweight™ Champion, I can tell you made a very elementary level spelling mistake, hahahahaha, and you're just not yet on our level, pumpkin, LOLOL.

      Delete
  27. The very best thing about dumbfuckery is that there always a new way to go about it tomorrow. A new deep intellectual discussion to be had. And don't forget to accuse your opponent of some type of racism, sexism or worse, being a baby-boomer.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ugh, baby boomers are literally the worst. They ruined EVERYTHING. I mean, literally everything. They're the exact reason I don't have a job and don't have a girlfriend and don't have a car and why I still live with (and am supported by) my baby boomer parents. Uh, THE WORST.

      Delete
  28. The UFC gloves make this for me. It's just so perfect. Don't forget the "Affliction" t-shirt. I just don't waste my time trying to argue with people on the internet. I still correct grammar because I feel compelled to but for the most part I'll let the idiots have their idiocy. Considering how unfit and unhealthy they are keyboard warriors are surprisingly adept at mental gymnastics. It really isn't worth the time or the effort.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I wish I had more time, because I actually was going to give him a TYPE-OUT t-shirt. Extra tight fitting, of course. Maybe next time. This dude needs to come back.

      The thing I just find funny is this - if you see someone arguing in the comments section constantly, and they always say things like 'your welcome', and someone always corrects them... how the fuck do they not just LEARN? If you were an angry Internet commenter, you would think your grammar would actually be better than most from everyone constantly pointing out your flaws.

      Delete
  29. Guys, I love this! My favorite: don't waste your time on an actual point, which is beneath you. Bwahahahahahaha. Keyboard whiners, beware.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, we all secretly know the point being made, so that's irrelevant. It's more of a dog and pony show to score the commenter extra cool points, which are redeemable for many fun prizes, but cannot be used as cash or combined with other offers.

      Delete
  30. I've actually watched my brother do this on some of MY fb posts (Because I have more fb friends than he does and they actually read my posts). He'll post a reply to several of my friends comments to a post that I made and then because completely condescending and vulgar and then start name calling. Which is why he can no longer see most of my posts now. lol I try to stay out of the drama, unless I'm in a particular bitchy mood then watch out, sweet cheeks.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow, remind me never to e-mess with you. That alone sounds WAY more threatening than your brother's FB squabbles.

      Thankfully, I just post stupid cat pictures or things that I find amusing, so I don't get any FB fights when the extent of my posts are things like this.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/VKCbrMn.jpg[/im]
      Caption: Much like the hermit crab seeks out the biggest, strongest shell for protection, so does the reclusive hermit cat. These cargo shorts will protect her from the harsh elements. They are her home now.

      Delete
  31. Excellent!

    Back in the days of ye olden chat rooms (circa 2007-09), I used to put on argument clinics much like the one you showcased. My favorite response to someone who make a pointless point that confirmed just how narrowminded they were went something like this:

    "ARRRRGH! Skewered by a rapier-like wit! Oh, wait, that was a mosquito bite."

    Father Nature's Corner

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Tis merely a flesh wound!"
      [im]https://media0.giphy.com/media/nReribyqzVy9y/200.gif[/im]

      Delete
  32. I forgot to add one correction: they're called "Keyboard Kommandos". Kind of like the Keystone Kops, only their turf is the 'Net and not law enforcement.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I like that. Just so long as they don't call themselves the Keystone Keyboard Kommandos. Might get them into some trouble.

      Delete
  33. You missed having thesaurus.com opened to search for more sophisticated words.
    That first one...Lmao
    Using terms of endearment is always the battler's rule #1.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find your argument to be superfluous and esoteric. HIGHLY esoteric. You're lucky I'm in a hippocratic mood, or you'd find yourself in a very antidisestablishmentarianistic situation.

      Delete
    2. Maybe having dictionary and thesaurus.com open in different tabs.

      Delete
  34. I've been sitting on the sidelines of these online debates because I did't know how to conduct myself. With these tools, I will be putting those pussified libtards in a grave. Lol out loud xD so mad.

    Also, finished Tuck Watley a few days ago. Great book with an A+ ending. That final showdown was hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Actually, if that review was any indication of your argument skills, you are way behind the curve. It was well thought out, and full of great points, and didn't beat around the bush, and was correctly spelled/punctuated... awful. Just awful Internet commenting.

      But as a review? Fucking awesome. Thanks again, dude!

      Delete
  35. Talk facts. Pure facts. Because your opinion is scientifically proven, evidence based, inarguable facts as true as the earth is the only planet with life.

    Second, make it clear that you are representing an entire population of whatever sub-population you belong to but wish you didn't. Thus the other person has just alienated millions. For example, someone just wrote on my blog: "Damn woman, you just lost the senior vote" because in my new book I made a joking comment about Bob Hope being a "snoozer." Terrible of me, right? Hmm, seems I've lost my otherwise promised status as President of the Old People of the World. And the arguer wins 65 senior points plus double discount Tuesdays at Ross for that highly persuasive, if not downright rude, style of argument.

    Thanks guys. As you can tell, this is a timely one for me - despite my delay in visiting. My favorite touches in your post: the tighty whiteys and "Phoenix University."

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow. Maybe the tagline for your new book should just be, "Fuck Bob Hope." Sure, you've just alienated the 85+ crowd, but anyone who actually still knows who Bob Hope is that's under 30 will think you are SO edgy.

      Delete
    2. I like it. Thank you, Bryan and Brandon.

      Delete
  36. [im]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YwjORDnEQ8k/UzIXGAuX_CI/AAAAAAAAwO4/T67U9LuSzp0/s1600/arguing-with-idiots-is-like-playing-chess-with-a-pigeon.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. [im]http://67.media.tumblr.com/16d72fd6457d72f7628250404c83f086/tumblr_nxpkq7F3nS1s78qmfo1_500.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  37. Ah yes....people who think they are making a point when, all along, the point is on top of their head. This was a thoroughly entertaining post. The sad thing is that there are so many people out there who do this dumbfuckery.

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    1. According to Facebook, we actually know more people that do this than people that don't. We people who just STFU and mind our own business, we're now the minority.

      Delete
  38. The fuckwits have always been there just now they have a means of broadcasting their "opinions". Welcome to the 21st century!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I welcome technology as much as the next person, and I love the Internet, but I was also a lot happier when I didn't know exactly what that racist, toothless asshole from the trailer park across the country thinks about current politics.

      Delete
  39. This is one of your best posts ever! I see so much of this stuff. Some days, I feel like the whole world has lost its mind. Or I have. One or the other.

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    1. Seeing as how the others say things that I wouldn't even tell my worst enemy to a complete stranger, over a subject as inane as, say, waffles, I'd say we're the sane ones.

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  40. So true. Aggressive nicknames are such a weird/shitty powerplay both online and IRL. (Ever have someone assign nicknames to people in an office setting? Weird control stuff going on there sometimes....)

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    1. Back when I worked in an office, a guy made the mistake of trying to nickname me "Sport." I believe my exact words were, "I'm not your 8 year old son, so don't ever call me that again."

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  41. This is hilarious! So true, though. The idiots are everywhere, and they always think they're right.

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    1. I just wonder at this point, if you can't prove an idiot wrong with facts, then how do you? Or can you even?

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  42. Or one can simply refuse to engage. Even a few people who I respect are not at their best during online exchanges, and I've found it easier to let things go. I'm not sure how we're supposed to measure success in life, but I am pretty sure it's not by winning internet arguments.

    LC

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    1. Spoken like a true LOSER! Zero points for you! That means I win! You didn't know we were competing, but we are, because I win!

      Now, all kidding aside, there are some topics that people are really passionate about, and it's important to offer your voice and be willing to stand your ground on these important topics... With that said, spending 2 hours name-calling and arguing over, say, which brand of pancakes are the best, is just fucking retarded. And all the people that do that just need to STFU.

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  43. When it comes to internet debating, I don't know what to think. It's frustrating, but I feel like I should have a sense of humour about it. I don't want to give people to engage in it, but I also don't want my opponent to think I've walked away because I don't have a response. Twice this year I've gotten into the beginnings of arguments over the internet and decided to let them have the last word and walk away. The decision still haunts me.

    Very recently I even did the same thing with a best friend in a group Facebook thread. I stopped replying and messaged him privately to say "Hey, sorry. Those conversations are really much better off in person. I didn't mean any malice by it." He replied with "All good" and when on to essentially explain that he wasn't fazed by it because he was winning. I had to put my phone down to avoid typing the words

    No. You. Fucking. Weren't.

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    1. Ha! Even among close friends the bias still exists. Wow. I really do think that for Internet arguments, we need impartial Internet judges to score each round, kind of like they do in boxing.

      No wait, people still watch boxing matches and scream, "That guy was ripped off! We know who REALLY won! The judges were rigging the fight!" Even though statistics will show you that the winner landed more shots, avoided more punches, etc. People really don't want facts, and will always see what they want to see.

      I guess what I'm saying is that you're fucked either way, so that's why we just shut up and keep out of it, because we know we're not going to change anyone's mind anyway. If anything, all an Internet argument does is reinforce your opponent's idiotic thoughts.

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    2. One of my absolute biggest bugbears in life is the one-eyed way people view our national football code, Aussie Rules. In particular there's a rule called "Holding the Ball", where if a player has had ample time to dispose of the ball before he or she is tackled and doesn't do so, it's a turnover and the ball is given to the other team. But when you're at a game, the fans tend to forget the "ample time" part and shout "BALL!" whenever a player is tackled. They then get really shitty when they're not given the ball as a result. Sports fans suck.

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    3. I think you're my new favorite person for introducing the word 'bugbear' into my vocabulary.

      Also: "We just have the best fans around. So highly respectful and educated on the sport itself. Never quick to jump to conclusions over anything." - No sport ever

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    4. I think you're my new favorite person for introducing the word 'bugbear' into my vocabulary.

      Also: "We just have the best fans around. So highly respectful and educated on the sport itself. Never quick to jump to conclusions over anything." - No sport ever

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  44. This is hilarious. I love how the warrior is in underwear. I'll have to picture that next time someone wants to do battle with me over... I don't know, book covers, writing, genre, etc. :)

    While reading this post, it reminded me of this clip:

    https://youtu.be/U_eZmEiyTo0

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    1. I think that's a great metaphor for an Internet argument, because no matter what these idiots type, it's all poison, and the winner is merely the one who has the highest built-up tolerance to this poison.

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  45. LOL! Don't forget to restate the exact same argument to any rebuttal, because that one's just precious.

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    1. "If I say the same thing, but I say it in a slightly different way, then they'll HAVE to listen to me and understand that I'm the smarter person."

      Also

      "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

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