Thursday, September 15, 2016

Fat Guy in a Little Tank Top








85 comments:

  1. While I don't have any tank tops I do have a sleeveless hoodie I wear to exercise in. I'm smart enough to have one that isn't too small though. I don't like seeing anyone in clothes that are clearly too small for them. I'm not even entirely sure why they do it. Sights like that make you need a beer for the shower, eh? No wonder you boys have drinking problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "For when I'm very cold, but only in my torso specifically." - the sleeveless hoodie

      Kidding, kidding. I wear sleeveless shirts when I exercise, too. I think you can always tell when someone's wearing one for comfort/sport, and when someone's wearing one because they're "letting the pythons breathe, bruh". It becomes particularly embarrassing when the shirt itself is a medium and the wearer is, uh, eXtra eXtra eXtra medium.

      Delete
  2. I love your new About Us page. I thought you guys were a couple when I first started following you. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just did. Than you mentioned you were married and I was all like, "Wait, what? To a chick?"

    Lots of people sporting those tank tops around here. That's what happens when you live near the beach. Everyone thinks they have beach bodies when they don't.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, technically not to a chick. More like to chicks. We share a lot of things, but never women. And we're proud to say we're not Eskimo Brothers. That's just weird.

      Also, better to at least have the tank top than nothing at all. I accidentally wandered onto a nude beach once... just once. I did not stick around.

      Delete
  3. Someday, you're going to be in a store and this exact guy is going to walk up to you angry about being fun of on your blog.

    I bet you'll get a longer post out of that incident.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At which point he proceeds to yell at me, loses his breath just from his angry rant, and then warns me that he'd totally kick my ass if his left side wasn't completely numb.

      I think I'm okay with this situation.

      Delete
  4. Even worse, why does he insist on not wearing any shirt when mowing the lawn with a beer n both hands?
    My wife asked me the other day - why do the fattest people wear the least amount of clothing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's a side effect of the people who take that whole 'body positivity' movement way too seriously.

      "ALL bodies are incredibly beautiful!" - someone with a very ugly body (always)

      Delete
  5. I live in a place between two extremes: There are the hippies & hipsters (which are basically the same except have different fashion sense), and there are the tank top folks. Sometimes those sweaty, stretched tops look painted on. What's worse is when they're paired with sagging pants that reveal to the world the top of their cracks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, with the top half being so tight, the bottom half has to be extra saggy and loose to let air escape, otherwise they'd swell up and explode like an intestine filled pimple (you're welcome for the visual).

      Delete
  6. [im]https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/0/00/Carl_Brutananadilewski.png[/im]

    most accurate stereotype ever animated

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was not even picturing ol' Carl when I drew this, which just goes to show that your theory is right - every single guy that is like this looks EXACTLY like Carl. I bet if I'd panned down further you could even see the moldy flip flops.

      Delete
  7. Oh yes, I've seen many guys like that. *cringes*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't forget the ladies. They look equally as horrifying. Maybe a little less. Less back hair, after all.

      Delete
  8. I'm not sure how I feel about being able to see his belly button through his shirt. That's either a stray suction cup or a disgusting outie, both make me squirm.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Also I looked it up and Colorado is basically 90% wicked beautiful scenery, isn't it? Do you guys go on hikes more than once a year? You totally should!

      Delete
    2. You've never worn a shirt so tight you can see your belly button through it? Then you have not LIVED, my friend. Forget the hike. Just wear a size XXXS* and feel truly alive.

      *xtra xtra xtra small. It basically could fit a newborn

      Delete
  9. B&B:
    Why we even have such people astounds me...
    (would seem like a waste of good flesh)

    Thing is, they come in ALL "flavors", too.
    Definitely NOT a fashion statement, are they?
    But you nailed them down very well.

    Good call.

    Stay safe out there, guys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know the saying less is more? The same applies to flesh, I think.

      Delete
  10. Some people don't know what they shouldn't be wearing. Like the over 50 women who love to wear spaghetti strap tops and no bra. Very classy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes it's just nice to work out with your built in ankle-weights (just think about that one for a moment, and then thank me later).

      Delete
  11. well luckily in Italy I don't see this "type" often but I do see old fat guys in speedos a lot on the beaches... I guess it's pretty much the same.. actually now that I think about it the speedos are the worst!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, what's up with you guys being all skinny and healthy? Morbid obesity is an epidemic, but apparently it's not an epidemic that can swim, so I guess you guys over the pond are safe.

      Delete
  12. If you got it, flaunt it! And if you don't got it, flaunt it anyway! Plus I checked out your new "About Us" page -- love the centaur look on you two boys! Had a good laugh at Question # 1 too. You'll be pleased to know I didn't even troll you about it either. Figure your wives must be getting tired of all those beard jokes by now. Hey, I know when to back off. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can troll us about it any time. Like, when's the last time you saw a real photograph of either of our wives? Maybe it's all a lie. Maybe we're just really good at photoshop. Or maybe we're just two midgets in a trenchcoat, trying to build up the courage to sneak into a rated R movie.

      We are an elusive mystery.

      Delete
  13. Oh, real nice, BEER BOYS!
    I send you some Pigeon Head Pilsner and how do you repay me? By posting a blog bit about me and mocking the fat outta me!

    See if next time I don't send you something from "the land of sky blue waters"...

    https://www.gianteagle.com/ProductImages/PRODUCT_NODE_58/34100001735.jpg

    ~ D'plorable D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you know that we'd both still drink the hell out of that, so your point has fallen on deaf* ears.

      *deaf by way of Flowbee

      Delete
  14. Hey, that guy lives in my neighborhood and mows his lawn in that outfit all the time. Sometimes just takes a walk to make sure all the old ladies like me get a really good look.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And how does your husband feel, knowing that that sweet eye candy is out to steal his lady?

      Delete
  15. Those tops are known round here as 'wife-beater tops' because of the neanderthal types that wear them. They can be accessorised with an ugly bull terrier type dog and a can of lager.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Yeah, one of the tags we included for this post was 'they're called wifebeaters for a reason'. That seemed pretty self explanatory.

      Delete
  16. Those tops are known round here as 'wife-beater tops' because of the neanderthal types that wear them. They can be accessorised with an ugly bull terrier type dog and a can of lager.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey now, don't bring the lager unfairly into this. We lager folk, we're good people, too. And sometimes we even wear sleeves.

      Delete
  17. And they are always the ones that wear next to nothing outside too. And you can see the sweat on them from walking 50 ft. So disgusting. Only part of their body that has muscle is their tongue. Most can't even see their dick anymore yet they think they are hot shit. And their number one excuse for looking like the Rock under all that fat and not actually looking like the Rock, "I have no time." No wonder when it takes 5 hours to get from the front door to the car.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know a guy who will actually go to the gym and lift, but then after doing so, he goes home and will eat something like 6 donuts. He believes that the extra fat makes him 'extra powerful'. I wish I was kidding. And no, his lifting abilities have not increased at ALL in the years he's been doing this.

      Delete
  18. I do agree with Alex and you guys. I also have ranted about fat people wearing tight clothes so that the rest of us get to see parts of them we have no wish to see wobbling around in front of us. Women generally don't go around with shirts off, but they still wear ridiculously small or tight tops which are totally unsuitable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But if you can fit yourself into a small, that makes you a size small. It's the law. It doesn't matter if it only fits one arm. It still totally counts.

      Delete
  19. You forget that they not only wear the small shirts but the pants are a bit too low so when they bend down, which is constant we get to see their sweaty, hairy smelly ass. They also scratch their balls or pull on them and I think I always see flies buzzing around them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was so descriptive, I threw up in my mouth a little, and I both commend you and hate you for it. What is it with fat guys and smelling nasty, anyway? You never see a scrawny guy and just go, "Ugh, that guy smells like a dumpster fire."

      Delete
  20. I can't understand how people like me fret over every lump and bump when dressing to go out in public, because of self-consciousness about those very lumps, only to see some of the largest men and women in some of the smallest, most ill-fitting clothing available. Why do women with four stomach rolls always wear the tube tops and exercise shorts? I always wonder "don't they realize what they look like?" to which my hubs replies, "Yes, and they think they look great!" *shudder* There's a reason for the People of WalMart website.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Self confidence is an amazing thing, isn't it? I mean, we should all have self confidence, but I think there's definitely such a thing as too much.

      I wear sleeveless shirts when I work out (which are pretty baggy), and sometimes, even when I'm out running, I think "I hope I don't come across as some kind of show-boaty douchebag." And then I see a guy wearing the exact same size of sleeveless shirt (and he has 100 lbs on me, all fat), who's striding around like he's God's gift to women as his rolls bulge out of it from every which angle.

      Delete
  21. When he (Fat guy)looks in the mirror, he probably sees a younger version of himself. . .The Rock and even The Terminator are something else again, and I happen to like them both for their 'humour'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there's a small part of this inside of every guy. The difference is that most of us don't take it with us outside of the bathroom.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnl8nOE-6p4

      Delete
  22. This might be the most esoteric reference you'll get in regard to this, but it totally makes me think of this guy:
    [im]http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/14/14f566d10ad6034786961dd912fe558d37af0f182f5429da1b01c92b3437ee4a.jpg[/im]
    And if anyone gets where that's from, you get a cookie. Not from me, of course, but like one of those digital cookies that tracks your every move on the internet for advertising purposes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, blast from the past, Nickelodeon style. I think you just A) wanted to drop an obscure, hipster-style 90s reference and B) use the word esoteric in a comment.

      Well, you succeeded, you magnificent bastard. You succeeded.

      Delete
  23. Reminds me of Chris Farley's bit "fat guy in a little coat"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's kinda like that, only 217% more disgusting, which is saying a lot, because Chris Farley was a master at porcine method acting.

      Delete
  24. None of those guys come in at under 300.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't carry around my scale with me, and the smell's a bit much to get too close, so I kind of had to eyeball it. That would not surprise me.

      Delete
  25. That was my dad when I was young. He still thinks he's tough despite being in a hover round and on oxygen 24/7. I am as embarrassed by it now as I was growing up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Holly, disconnect the oxygen tank and help me out of this scooter; papa's about to kick some ass." - your worst nightmare

      Delete
  26. Oy, sorry. I dare try again, because I can't imagine worse:
    [im]https://c8.staticflickr.com/8/7413/9857103983_57c83837ab_n.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone pass the eye bleach?

      He still looks healthier than Hillary.
      (Sorry, I had to)

      [im]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Do9qGrmowds/hqdefault.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. You did have to. Thank you! I'm still lol'ing.

      Delete
  27. Fat guys in tank tops are just doing some wishful thinking.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I wish I didn't look this good, but since I do, I will bear this burden publicly."

      Delete
  28. The one thing I will say in fairness to guys who were workout fiends in their teens and twenties and may have let themselves (ahem) go in their thirties and forties is that we don't know any other way to stand than the way we did when we were gym rats.

    However I have long been an advocate of the premise that if your body is not pleasing to the eye of the general public, COVER IT UP!

    So if the same guy stands the same way but in a more concealing tee shirt, say for example, with a Todd Rundgren print on it, cut him some slack.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! No slack intended, especially on the stance. It's mostly just about the clothing. You can stand any way you want, and you can rock that Rundgren tee all you want... just please don't try to fit into the same one you wore in high school.

      Delete
    2. I wash my car with the one I wore in high school.

      Delete
    3. In general people should consult mirrors before walking out of their bedroom. I see a lot of people wearing stuff that should make them cringe, and I always wonder if they really thought it looked good in the mirror.

      Delete
  29. Oh my gosh... I'm DYING with the ABOUT US page.... you guyzzzzz.... dying... (Sorry, when I write a comment I start to sound like an obnoxious teenage fan or something) Just know I always laugh when I come here. And that you guys really are funny and talented and awesome. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At this point, having a gaggle of teenage fans would be downright creepy, so we'd much rather have your adoration, which (we hope) isn't just a phase.

      "Gawd, mom, it's not a phase. This is who I AM."
      [im]http://i.imgur.com/Zj6VR.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Ha! Crap. Dying again... okay... I'll try not to be all teenager-y. But definitely not a phase. I've loved you guys from day one. Truly gifted you are. And it's a rare thing for me to be truly impressed by someone's talent. Crap. Now I sound like a snob. :) Okay, just know you guys are an awesome rarity. <----There. Not too teenager-y or snobby. :)

      Delete
  30. It sucks wearing clothes smaller than your size haha.

    ReplyDelete
  31. In primary school, there was a girl I disliked. One day she came to school wearing track pants that had the word "Angel" printed along the backside. But the pants were a bit too tight, so the G had disappeared into the ether and all you could see was "Anel". I laughed and laughed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a "find the G-spot" joke somewhere in there, but I don't know if I can make it without projectile vomiting.

      Delete
  32. Sorry it took me so long to leave a comment but I became violently ill when I saw the Trump picture Robyn posted. Having recovered (barely) here I am.

    Love your ABOUT US PAGE...but then I love everything about your site. Big FAN but only in the figurative sense. I don't have to shove my body into sausage casing yet.

    As for the fat men squeezed into toddler sized shirts...this is true of women too. I see many examples of how bigger bodied people (see how PC I am being for the moment) somehow have the impression that smaller clothes make them look smaller. How else can anyone explain the fact that women's Skinny jeans come in size W24.

    I have to think that there is some type of visual distortion that causes some people to not have the ability to see fat rolls. It's like being color blind but only blind to the fleshy color of fat.

    [im][URL=http://s328.photobucket.com/user/Cheryl_Perzee/media/not%20so%20skinny_zpsx7c25wwn.jpg.html][IMG]http://i328.photobucket.com/albums/l332/Cheryl_Perzee/not%20so%20skinny_zpsx7c25wwn.jpg[/IMG][/URL][/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Great comic. Yeah, I didn't even know W24 was a size. It sounds like a kind of tractor, which is oddly fitting.

      What horrifies me is that I've been in Wal-mart before and seen that they sell size XXXL g-strings that look so big that I'm pretty sure I could sling one over my shoulder and wear it like a bandolier.

      [im]http://www.holsterhero.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/bandolier-holster-231x300.jpg[/im]

      I'd make one hell of a Mexican outlaw, that's for sure.

      Delete
  33. Thanks for writing a post about me, fellas :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I spotted half of a deltoid somewhere around there. You been working out?

      Delete
  34. You reminded me of an experience in Vegas. We were walking down the strip with a friend who is 6'4" and huge (not necessarily of the muscular variety). A guy--nearly as large, and shirtless--shouted at him, "Get naked, man! Do it!" Our friend turned to us and said, "I think that's the strangest thing a fat man has ever said to me."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, that did NOT go where I thought it would. I think I would have preferred the other version, where he just wanted to fight.

      Delete
  35. I'm not sure what's worse--the fat guy with his belly sticking out or the overweight woman with a belly shirt. I try to buy t-shirts that are almost like dresses to avoid my belly sticking out.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We can both appreciate that, but don't get a dress so big that you end up looking like you're sporting a mumu. That usually achieves the opposite effect.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/80/ba/22/80ba22001c642d83f830130a50199dbe.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  36. I just don't want to see any cracks at the gym...pull them up people..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't want to see them ANYWHERE!

      [im]http://www.tiptoptens.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/55130576.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  37. I love burritos. Burritos > everything. Burritos4lyf.

    Wait, what's your implication about burrito eaters here? Uhoh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No implications about burritos. Burritos are love. Burritos are life. But have you ever seen someone so fat and out of shape that they got exhausted just trying to eat a burrito? It's a really sad sight... but not so sad that it could ever turn us off from burritos.

      Great, I'm hungry now.

      Delete
  38. I don't even like to go sleeveless in the pool. Homer's MuMu works for me! Great pic with pecs!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is really, really, REALLY generous of you to call those 'pecs'.

      Delete
  39. Love the script. I've seen one too many of this type. They're as bad as the lounge lizard. You know, that guy who walks around a bar, tries to put on his swagger, which looks more like an anemic Mick Jagger, searching for that special woman. The one sitting alone. Then he slips on over to her table and says something completely inappropriate.

    [im]https://anniecherry.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/artemus-as-arty.jpg[/im]

    P.S. Great About Us page. And I love being able to link videos and pictures. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay, I need more practice on my image insertions.

      Delete
    2. The picture shows up just fine. Google's having a little bit of digital diarrhea right now (apparently), so images are sometimes loading and sometimes not. Everything's good on your end. :)

      Delete