Thursday, September 8, 2016

#14 - The Secret's All In The Shame




(Before anyone asks - no, neither of us has ever made this tragically idiotic mistake, but there are a surprising amount of 'How to Cut Your Own Hair and Give Yourself (trendy new style)!' tutorials on YouTube with millions of views and we just wonder what kind of person sees those and thinks "Right on! Let's do this!)



101 comments:

  1. Like a premonition of how an older bald 'you' might look. . .very sobering. Guys probably shouldn't indulge - but I guess you've seen all those adverts on tv saying 'yes, you can cut your own hair' ! So, what started this trend I wonder? The idea of saving money? or just some marketing hype?

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    1. Ha! You remember the Flowbee? What could possibly go wrong with cutting your own hair using the vacuum?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEfA6hhhK90

      Most of these YouTube tutorials make it seem like you're saving time and money. Which is easy to do if you screw up and have to shave your head bald. Easiest, cheapest maintenance EVER!

      And personally, my hair is so thick my barber should charge me double. It takes him like 45 minutes just to give me a cut. I'm not worried about being bald in my lifetime. :)

      Delete
    2. Don't feel bad for the barber, because while he may lose time on guys like you, he makes it back on guys like me, who take about 3-4 minutes to do.

      Delete
    3. >>... You remember the Flowbee? What could possibly go wrong with cutting your own hair using the vacuum?

      Something could VERY MUCH go wrong, but it's not what you're thinking.

      Back in the late '80s / very early '90s, I actually did have a Flowbee. I used it for at least 4 years and you know what? It worked as advertised. I never had any problems with it and it DID save me a lot of money. The only thing it cost me was..... my hearing.

      Some years later I noticed I suffered from hearing loss. And while my hearing was plenty good enough under normal circumstances, I had real problems any time I had conflicting sounds. Like, if you were talking to me at the same time there was some background sound - say, the running of a washing machine or dryer - it would make hearing you very difficult to impossible.

      My doctor sent me to a hearing specialist who ran some tests on me and determined that I had "significant high-end hearing loss". He wanted to know if I'd ever worked around jet airplanes or heavy machinery; had I been in a Rock band?

      There was only explanation, and that was the Flowbee. That thing was probably as loud as a jet airline engine when next to the ears. And I am certain that all the years of using it, with that roaring in my ears, is responsible for the impairment.

      I am equally certain that I could have sued Flowbee for a lot of money, because I'm sure it can be shown that the roar of that thing in close proximity to the ears causes hearing damage over a period of time. I never sued because that's really not my way. Plus, I probably should have been smart enough to use ear plugs when I was cutting my hair with that thing, even though the instructions didn't warn the user to take that precaution.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

      Delete
    4. I didn't see this until now (probably vision impairment from my 75 cent store Flobeee knockoff) but that's a hell of a story. I hope you still have that Flowbee, though. You're gonna need a killer cut to distract people from those hearing aids.

      Delete
  2. I was literally thinking, about 40 minutes ago, that I wanted to cut my hair. My stylist is booked up and I seriously considered cutting my own hair. Thanks for showing me my future. I guess I'll wait for her to have a slot open.

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    1. Considering that they have to go to school and practice for years just to do it, and every barber/hair stylist I've ever met still actively goes to seminars to constantly learn new techniques, I'm not arrogant enough to think that I could learn ALL OF THAT in 5 minutes via YouTube and then trim my own hair, even in the back, with nothing more than a $15 pair of Wal-mart clippers and a hand mirror.

      Delete
  3. I've been cutting my own hair for 10 years. But mine is all one length and is long enough for me to sit on, so that might make it a little easier for me to trim. lol

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    1. Yeah, that's pretty simple, and I can understand you cutting that yourself. That just makes sense (and it's awesome that it's that long).

      What makes me laugh, though, is seeing tutorials on how to cut something like this yourself.

      [im]http://www.menshairstylestoday.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Low-Fade-Comb-Over.jpg[/im]

      Yeah, good luck with that.

      Delete
  4. I totally tried to cut my own hair! It was a complete disaster. LOL I went to my hair dresser with my tail between my legs in shame... The tutorial I saw made it look so easy... Oh well Lesson learned!

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    1. Well, here's hoping that after all of that you just got it a little shorter than usual and didn't chop off so much that you had to get it styled into the Charlize Theron ala Mad Max look.

      [im]http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/roadwarrior/images/6/61/Furiosa.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150519005308[/im]

      Delete
  5. If it is the idea of saving money, yet they have the ability to look on Youtube, which usually means a phone plan or internet service provider, maybe they should rethink their priorities. Unless they like the Lex Luthor look and want to be villain of the year. Dumb trend.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Dude, a men's haircut costs like $20. Do I look like I have a spare $20 to just throw away on dumb things like my hair?" - guy that just got a $5 latte from Starbucks, spent $15 on takeout for lunch, and has a $100 a month phone plan because he needs to access the Internet every single place he goes

      Delete
  6. You were right, that is indeed a wicked wretched "next" button! Compared to that, I can rate the body horror in this comic only a measly Mild Social Anxiety out of Ninth Circle Terror.
    I don't even trust myself cutting my toenails, how would I ever deal with something as fragile as a bird's nest?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, this week's body horror was pretty weak. I guess we'll really have to up the ante next week. Amputation? Decapitation? Defenestration that results in amputation AND decapitation? Stay tuned!

      Delete
    2. Ooooo, you used defenestration in a sentence!

      Delete
    3. Defenestration is probably the greatest word in the entire English language.

      Delete
  7. Haha! Yeah, cutting your own hair can end in some interesting results!

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    1. "And long story short, the ear just never grew back."

      Delete
  8. Trying to cut my own hair is how I ended up shaving my head the first time...too many divots!

    Now I've been a cue ball for the last few years...

    Larry

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    1. Incidentally, for any of your readers who want the Kojak look, there is a razor called a "Headblade" that makes the process easier.

      I also suggest a mirror in the shower (steam helps) and using some kind of exfoliating scrub to cut down on razor bumps which seem to bleed forever.

      And there are lots of cool products to make that dome nice and shiny.

      LC

      Delete
    2. Instructions unclear: still ended up looking like cancer patient. How do you solve the problem of being a pale, skinny white guy with a shaved head?

      Delete
    3. I have not been skinny in a long time....so my gut draws attention away from the chrome dome

      Delete
    4. Plus my face is hideous, so people avert their eyes almost immediately...

      Delete
    5. Tell people you're the singer for Midnight Oil.

      Delete
    6. "Just think of me as a kind of waifish Michael Stipe."

      Delete
  9. I must confess that I have, on more than one occasion, stood in front of the bathroom mirror hacking at my own hair with the kitchen shears. Do I want to save time? No. Do I want to save money? No. I do it out of sheer frustration, usually a day or two after dropping 80 bucks on a haircut and then discovering that my hair is still sticking out in weird directions. Does it look like hell afterwards? Yes. But goddamn it, not because it's sticking out!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm with you on that - if it's going to be screwed up, I'd rather do it myself for free than pay someone good money to make me look like the victim of a lawnmower attack.

      Delete
  10. I might have in the distant past cut my own hair. In my defense, it was cool to have gigantic bangs! My kid has never been to a barber. I have clippers and do his hair. Thankfully using clippers makes it easy. I googled kids' bad haircuts, and I can't post those images. I just feel so sorry for those children!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think it's a lot easier cutting someone else's hair (and a kid's, at that) than attempting your own. My dad always cut my hair growing up. I didn't look like a superstar, sure, but I didn't look dumb, either (or at least I hope I didn't look dumb...).

      I feel sorry for no one, so...

      [im]http://www.le-meilleur-du-pire.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/2141.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  11. B&B:
    You guys MUST be channeling me in some fashion.

    Long story short - I dated a hairdresser back in the late 70s and I learned a lot (before getting dumped...lol).
    SO, I took to cutting MY OWN HAIR...been doing it ever since.
    (and I saved even MORE money than switching to Geico...HA!)

    Granted at my age, less hair means less "barbering"...still a win-win.
    As long as you're not going all faddish and trendy...it WORKS!

    Very good post and comments.

    Stay safe (and classy) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm very envious of you. If I could cut my own hair, I totally would... but I'm not going to pretend that I possess any of the necessary skills or information to do so without ending up looking like the kid above.

      Delete
  12. Your new posts really look a lot more viral-ready than your old posts. I'll have to tell my friend who uses your images for his profile pics!

    Somehow, cutting his own hair messed up his lips and his forehead, too.

    I cut my hair and my sister's hair when I was six years old or so. Our first grade school pictures look ridiculous.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh snap, people are going to share and steal our content! It's time to watermark the crap out of our comics!

      [im]https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NvoToShhdK4/V9G4N0L1xUI/AAAAAAAAUcI/yX6bQ_Vzi6YGZ5C9tBjyGp2aje1ORn-SACLcB/s1600/HowToCutHair.png[/im]

      Still 100% hilarious! ...right...?

      Delete
  13. Ha. Reminds me of my brother. He never tried trends, but he would shave his hair down after it grew just a tad too long. That last pic looks pretty gosh darn close to what he used to look like.

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    1. Well, I hope that look is more flattering on him than it is on me. I have naturally thick hair for a reason (that reason being that I look like a dying cancer patient without it).

      Delete
  14. A lot easier with scissors... and yeah, I got a "whaddaya got ta lose" head of hair anyway.

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    1. Yeah, fam, but if you ever want that sick faded look you gotta get some clippers. Don't need hair up top. It's all about the sides, bruh.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/IaKmbBv.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  15. I cut my own hair. That is I shave my own head so I guess I'm excused?

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    1. Have you ever tried the cut in the above picture? 10 points if you can pull it off, -100 points for actually sporting it in public.

      Delete
    2. Just the once when I noticed I was thinning around the back. I got the clippers and hacked it all off. I've never let it grow back and now sport the shiny baldy look.

      Delete
  16. No, I would never ever cut my own hair although, I suspect that there are people that learn all kinds of amazing talents by watching YouTube videos. I suspect the person that decides to watch "DIY Plastic Surgery" or "Easy Method for Cooking Meth" isn't above trying to cut their own hair.

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    1. You know, I tried that Easy Method for Cooking Meth video, and all I got was some delicious fried chicken. I may have done it wrong. I'm not a drug kingpin, but I'm a hit at dinner parties now. 4 out of 5 stars. Would watch again.

      Delete
    2. I am impressed at the fact you can watch a 3 minute video and learn a life skill. Good for you. I am a more "hands on" type of learner. You know the kind, just dig in and try it without reading directions (or watching a video). Gotta run, I think maybe I should of watched the video.

      [im]http://images.complex.com/complex/image/upload/c_limit,f_jpg,fl_progressive,pg_1,w_680/f_auto,q_auto/ffrbqgdulh4l5ul9lvsw.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  17. Ahhhh yes...hair cutting. We have a fat cat who can't clean her, um, butt so she will sit on the carpet and drag her ass leaving a streak normally women see on men's underwear. So, we bought a hair cutter from the pet store to shave our cat's ass. It works so well that one day I came home and my hubby shaved his beautiful hair off his head and looked like a prisoner. What did he use? Yup, the cat's ass shaver which he said he cleaned well but still....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I have some dog clippers that I use to shave my poodle. Maybe I should use it to shave my noodle.

      (I am so, so sorry for that terrible pun)

      Delete
  18. Which is also why you shouldn't trim your own beard!
    What, me? No... I've never slipped while trimming.

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    1. Oh, I trim my own beard CONSTANTLY. Which is easy to do when you can't physically grow one.

      Delete
  19. I started cutting my hair with clippers after I lost most of it. I would NEVER have tried to give myself a real haircut back when I still had hair. I leave that to the experts.

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    1. My barber is bald. I wonder if he just loves cutting hair so as to fill the void that is now the top of his head.

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  20. I used to cut my own hair for years. Too lazy any more.

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    1. And it didn't come out looking like this?

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/13/5f/52/135f520bf5c419d8335a3f4ee5adcf5d.jpg[/im]

      You're either crazy or incredibly talented or both.

      Delete
    2. Talented of course. And no, it did not look like this.

      Delete
  21. My wife doesn't even want to cut my hair. Not a chance I'd cut my own.

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    1. My wife's drawn blood just trying to trim my nails. I don't even want to imagine what she'd do to my hair.

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  22. I can barely shave properly. I'd never consider cutting my own hair unless I was shaving the whole thing off at which point I would be so crazy I wouldn't consider the fact that I really shouldn't cut my own hair. My friend's brother actually did that. He just went into the bathroom with long, flowing locks and came out bald.

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    1. Why, though? WHY? I know plenty of naturally bald/balding guys that would weep at that very story.

      Delete
  23. I used to trim my own hair when it was super long, but it was too long to be noticeable if I screwed up. Definitely wouldn't do that now.

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    1. Yeah, I figure that either of us have hair so short that if we made one tiny mistake it'd be an instant trip to bald city.

      Delete
  24. I used to cut my kids' hair. One time I was in the middle of cooking dinner, taking care of a screaming toddler, and cutting one child's hair. The result was tragic. They ended up in the bathroom crying. Never again.

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    1. "I ended up chopping up my child's hair into 1 inch cubes and I gave my onion a perm. Multi-tasking is NOT easy."

      Delete
  25. These pics are hilarious. My husband cuts his own hair because he's almost bald. It's more like just getting rid of the fuzz. Then he calls me in to do the back which he can't reach. It's never a good idea after a couple of glasses of wine, but it's always a great conversation starter at his office.

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    1. I can only hope that one day when he says to do the back you'll say "sure thing" and give him an epic rat tail.

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  26. My husband cuts his own hair but it's just a buzz cut. He used to cut all the boys too. When they were playing sports, they liked the buzz cut and two of them have cowlicks in unfortunate spots so short is best. He offers to cut mine but I don't want to look like one of those pictures so I prefer to pay.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You're probably better off without a buzzcut.

      The 3 haircuts you can easily do by yourself:
      1) The buzzcut
      2) Shaved clean
      3) The mullet, because no matter how you do it, it'll still end up looking like shit anyway

      Delete
  27. One of my college roommates used to trim her hair without even looking in a mirror, and it came out perfect every time. I was never really sure how she managed that....

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    1. I assume that she was possessed by hair demons, and you don't really need a mirror when you can spin your own neck 360 degrees.

      Delete
  28. I've lied countless times when noticing a haircut and the person says "I did it myself." Yeah looks great. Giggle, snort.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "Oh! You did it yourself? I never would have noticed!"
      (I absolutely noticed. Anyone with eyes will notice.)

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  29. [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/4d/17/36/4d173641497d566d3e0f41b1f2f360f3.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm half repulsed and half hungry.

      [im]https://img.memecdn.com/we-all-know-the-pain-i-was-the-bowl-cut-master_o_5298561.jpg[/im]

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  30. I still let my wife do mine which takes about 3 minutes. There's not much there and I'm too cheap to pay a barber for trimming both hairs. I still do my own beard, though. It would be cool to see how long I can let it grow and still be allowed to come to work and not be turned away from public places.

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    1. You could let that thing grow feet at a time and you'd be fine. Just style it. Hell, I bet if you showed up like this you'd not only keep your job, but you'd be promoted.

      [im]https://beardedlondon.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/mr-incredibeard.jpg?w=300[/im]

      Delete
  31. hi, am Anderson, i had my friend help me hack my ex's email, facebook, whatsapp,and his phone cause i suspected he was cheating. all he asked for was a his phone number. he's email is (cyberlord7714@gmail.com)..IF u need help tell him Anderson referred you to him and he'll help. Am sure his going to help you do it, good luck

    ReplyDelete
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    1. This comment is so fucking retarded that we're just going to allow it, rather than hit the 'spam' button. I mean, anyone who wants to hire someone called "Cyber Lord" as a digital private investigator is too dumb to be one of our fans, anyway.

      Delete
  32. I remember every kid it seemed had the bowl cut in the 90s except me.

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    1. Yeah, me too. I was way too busy sporting a bitchin' rat tail (I still hate my parents for that).

      Delete
  33. I have no problem with the bald look, since I'm 3/4 there. Need to get to the hair stylist to get it back down to the lovely shiny that the ladies enjoy. And this time, I'll make the effort to keep it the shiniest.

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    1. I hear women really go for that polished Mr. Clean look. I tried buffing and waxing my hair, but it's just not the same. :(

      Delete
  34. My mom's still mad at me, because I won't get her a scissors to trim her own hair. She has Parkinson's, so her hand shakes and she tends to drop things. She would also like a sharp knife for making sandwiches. Maybe I'll bring her a multi-purpose Samurai sword. This was fun!

    Julie

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    1. I recall that story from your blog. That's hilarious. Maybe you should get her a Flowbee. I don't think you can hurt yourself with a vacuum cleaner... right...?

      [im]https://i.ytimg.com/vi/V3G1cwqYkO4/hqdefault.jpg[/im]

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  35. I actually gave myself a touch-up after a haircut that I wasn't happy with. I was terrified of making a mistake, but I got more good comments about it afterwards than any other haircut I've ever had.

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    1. Oh, I see, so YOU'RE the one guy who can actually pull this off, thereby giving way too much hope to the other 99.9% that just end up looking like this.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/c5/58/c7/c558c73ed6b99dedf60198b301fbda2c.jpg[/im]

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  36. I've actually trimmed my own hair. It took forever and came out mediocre, but my hair is longish so its not as noticeable. Waste of time.

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    1. While it may have been a waste of time, mediocre always beats turning yourself into this on accident.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/35/7b/37/357b379ea4f7bc27f1fd5e6c23588c99.jpg[/im]

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  37. Back in my days of long hair I used to almost always cut it myself. After all I was going for kind of a rough look and since I was mainly cutting length the exactness and aesthetic appeal of my hairstyle was not all that important to me. Once while backpacking I even hacked off my long hair with my knife because I was getting too hot.

    Now that I have very little hair I usually let my wife cut it. Saves us a lot of money and she does as good a job as Supercuts.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Not to take anything away from your wife, but that is NOT saying much. At this point I think Supercuts will just hire anyone who owns their own pair of scissors (safety scissors included).

      If anything, you should probably say she does a better job.

      You may not have a ton left, but I've never looked at you and said, "Wow, that goober must get his hair cut at Supercuts."

      Delete
  38. Cutting your own hair is only slightly better than a DIY root canal. I should know. I used to cut my own hair to save money. Sometimes, it was okay, but the times it was awful were reeeeeally awful. Attempting to layer the hair at the back of one's own head rarely has a happy ending. Then again, my hubby hasn't been to a barber in years, simply because he doesn't wanta. True, he has a verrrrry large forehead now... (extends over the entire top of his head) but when the stuff in the back starts getting too long, he simply grabs hunks of hair and whacks it off. (Usually after drinking an adult beverage or two...)

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    1. I just laughed out loud at the large forehead part, because I can only imagine something like this (especially after an adult beverage or two).

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f8/3b/75/f83b75565e4f3ecd453b0ac23e6a9129.jpg[/im]
      "What? My hairline looks great. Straight as a razor."

      Delete
  39. I've known a few people who cut their hair to save money. You get what you pay for.

    https://youtu.be/FLqRMH5nlcA

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    1. The amount of people that are complimenting her like she did something remarkable saddens me greatly.

      Delete
  40. Yeah, that's not happening--especially with long hair. It would never be even. Never. But hey, I could totally capitalize on that as an author. "You know, the crazy lady with really uneven hair? Yeah, she writes the best books."

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    1. Somehow that kinda makes sense and it's taking a lot right now to not just grab the scissors and go ham on my head.

      Delete
  41. Yeahhhhhhhhh I refuse to cut my own hair. As soon as I mess up a layer, I cut it to that length. Hence I once had short blonde hair...hahh..

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, in all fairness, layers are super easy... if you only have one layer.

      Delete
  42. My oldest son went to one of those walk-in places for his latest haircut, thinking it should be an easy job, since his hair isn't too long and a trimmer with attachments usually does the trick. He told the girl, "Usually I get a #2 attachment on the sides and a #4 on top, but I'd like to keep it a little longer and have a #5 on top." She trimmed and buzzed, and when she turned his chair around, he saw she had done the #2 attachment on his entire head. She said, "Is that short enough?" He was like, "Ohhhh, yeahhhh, that's plenty short." He never bothered to tell her that she completely butchered his hair (I would have laid in to her pretty good), but he posted the most hilarious photo on his Facebook page with the description of the event, and all the comments ranged from "Just get out of prison?" to "So how was the white supremacy meeting tonight?" It was a hoot. He was thankfully a good sport about the whole cut, but has since been wearing bandannas everywhere.

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    1. That is absolutely hilarious, and I've been there, though not via the skinhead look. Once upon a time ago I had a sort of messy 'faux hawk' look. Something simple, like this.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/7c/b0/50/7cb05097f685a48f2135a445cb86cb9a.jpg[/im]

      Figuring it wasn't rocket science, I went to one of those walk-in places and said (pretty much like your son did), "I usually get a #2 attachment on the sides and back, and the top is about 2 inches, which I style into a faux hawk." Easy, right?

      I kid you not, the woman gave me the Ed Grimley.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/65/e6/02/65e602a3af9e844dfdf3117182cedf97.jpg[/im]

      I had to have my dad fix it with his clippers.

      Delete
    2. Oh my gosh, Ed Grimley. But I'll bet you rocked that look for all it was worth . . . the whole ride home until you could find your dad, and those clippers.

      Delete
  43. Replies
    1. "One does not realize just how much hair they have until someone with clippers completely screws it up." - Confucius, maybe

      Delete
  44. i've not been to yall's site in ages. i've missed it, for reasons like this post right here. yall crack me up. thank you. :]

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