Monday, August 22, 2016

#13 - The Floor Is Now Lava





98 comments:

  1. Traumatizing. I lost a cousin in a floor lava accident. Tell Billy he's on our prayers.

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    1. True fact: floor lava kills over 45,000 Americans annually, and yet the only thing people want to talk about are gun deaths, like floor lava is just something we should all accept. Disgusting.

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  2. I don't know if your cartoon is based on personal experience with a child you know, but our grandchildren like to pretend the floor is made out of lava, or shark-infested waters, mine fields, quicksand, etc. Obviously, I must do a better job of getting from chair to chair across those treacherous floors than you did. I haven't once gotten burned, bitten, blown up, or sucked into the crawl space. :) (However, I must confess to making the kids a bit rowdy at times...)

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    1. I used to play all of those as a kid, but now that I'm older, I'm rusty and out of touch, and I can't always spot lava floors like I used to, so it's kind of a dick move by Billy to not point it out to me until I'm way out in the middle of a lava ocean without a single couch, chair, or end table for at least ten feet.

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  3. Those back and next buttons look horribly out of place compared to the HD body horror the comic is presenting. Not to mention a revamped version of that Comment Section Cat would look super sweet.
    Seriously though, looks great! You guys might need an official maturity rating soon with how realistic some of these panels are getting.

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    1. Hey now, sonny boy, one week at a time. We'll get there. We want to eventually strike all signs of crappy MSPaint art from this site, like a kind of scorned ex-lover.

      And a maturity rating? More like immaturity rating, amirite?

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  4. The new look is really working. Shame Bryan won't be around to enjoy it...

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    1. Medical science has come a really long way, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to draw with your new surgically attached toe-fingers.

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  5. I think that childhood falsely raised my expectation of how often I'd encounter lava in the real world.

    And also force fields.

    And money and sex.

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    1. Oh, and quicksand, don't forget quicksand. And fires. They constantly taught us 'stop, drop, and roll', and neither of us, in our 32 years, have been on fire ONCE. Thanks for nothing, teachers.

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    2. Yeah, QUICKSAND is a big one. I don't think I've gotten trapped in quicksand since I turned 12 years old. But I remember there used to be quicksand pits every time it rained... and sometimes in bathtubs, in sand boxes... sheesh! It seemed like quicksand was EVERYWHERE!

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

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    3. Yeah, sure, rub it in that you've encountered plenty of quicksand and I haven't seen it once.

      [im]http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/bb/bbc9dfd5161e1723cfca03af930491faa8a2bf38904bd50352a20f354cdeb376.jpg[/im]
      (It's okay, social justice warriors of the Internet that might try to call me 'racist', I'm Mexican, so this is totally cool)

      Delete
  6. I use to play that game too. Amazing how pillows and couch cushions can protect you against the lava.
    [im]http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/359/557/543.jpg[/im]

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    1. These socks sure didn't protect me, though! Skin grafts are a real bitch.

      [im]http://img.memecdn.com/the-floor-is-lava_o_1640919.jpg[/im]

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  7. Lava can be very annoying, and humans melt easily. Robots do too! Remember the lava floor that the Terminator had to dive into in what could have been the second movie, along with the other Killer robot which could morph into a mercury like consistency. But he did say, I'll be Back! (at some point, he promised a sequel or two. . .) As for quicksand we had that in Georgia, and the signs always reminded me of those movies with the people sinking down into what looked like oatmeal or gruel. What a icky way to go.

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    1. Whether it's lava or quicksand, I think the most important lesson here is to always GET TO ZE CHOPPAH.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs_OacEq2Sk

      [im]https://media.giphy.com/media/gFwZfXIqD0eNW/giphy.gif[/im]

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    2. I remember that!! Thanks for the visuals. . .I never get tired of watching the Terminator.

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  8. I don't see a problem here.
    [im]http://static1.squarespace.com/static/56e3b4899f726641586840d6/t/575081a086db43fc15d3bd48/1464893865268/[/im]

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    1. Ha! Yeah, we don't see a problem either.

      [im]http://www.funniestmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/Funniest_Memes_yep-that-s-lava_914.jpeg[/im]

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    2. Haha. Liar, liar, pants almost on fire.

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  9. B&B:
    God, I remember when I used to do that with Dad....nice to know SOME things never change...LOL.
    (thankfully, Dad never resorted to trying to put the "lava" out by peeing on the rugs...HA!)

    Stay safe out there.

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    1. Last I checked, you pee on jellyfish stings, not on lava bites, but I may piss on myself next time just to be sure. I'll let you know.

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  10. I hope Bryan at least took the One Ring down with him. And had a smile on his face like Gollum.

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    1. We only tooks a candy bar with us and we regrets it oh yes we do because it melted faster than our precious fleshes.

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  11. Yeah, traumatize the brat for life, that'll larn 'im.

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    1. So what, you think I just combusted into flames and melted off half of my skin at will? That I did that on purpose? Because that would be awesome. I forgot what point I was trying to make.

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    2. Surely there is nothing beyond the capabilities of you boys? I have complete faith in you.

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  12. I tried to get my wife to play this game with me and she got pissed because I was interfering with laundry and housework. Hey, the house is going to disintegrate so she's wasting her time. She didn't believe me. Tomorrow she starts back to work and I'll be staying in bed afraid to step on the floor. Guess I'll just have to watch TV all day until the lava cools down.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. You know, it's just a shame that your wife is blessed enough to have a natural immunity to lava, and all she can do is laugh at your misfortune. Stay strong, friend. I hope you stocked plenty of marshmallows.

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  13. I wonder if there is some specific pathway in the brain that makes all children play this game without being told it exists....

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    1. And I just wonder why no one wants to talk about the bigger issue here, which is why every single house seems to have lava in it. That, I might venture to say, is a serious health violation.

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    2. Seriously.

      Also feel free to steal the "how your brain so small" picture and use it/modify it at your leisure if you are so inclined.

      Delete
    3. Resized to fit this blog and ready to spread like wildfire?

      Check.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/76OAWOl.jpg[/im]

      (...Not directed at you, just FYI...)

      Delete
  14. I truly live under a rock and evidently not volcanic rock. Never heard of this game. Here in Kansas the little kids know nothing about lava but if you yell "Tornado Room" even the smallest child knows to hall ass to an inside room on the lowest level.

    Hope you have a full recovery from your tragic lava incident.

    [im]http://i328.photobucket.com/albums/l332/Cheryl_Perzee/4515223_zpsmlcuei1b.jpg[/im]

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    1. Wow, I've never met a kid who didn't play this game. Not that I meet many kids, but still.

      Funnily enough, we learned plenty about what to do during a tornado here, regardless of the fact that I've never actually seen one. Same with quicksand and fire. I'm beginning to think I'm just never going to burn/sink/blow away. :(

      (Also, bummed that we can't see your pic)

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    2. Yeah, the picture showed up when I first attached it but then switched over to that...probably something I did wrong. Dare I try it again???


      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/49/30/05/49300535447bfdd8f130bc756dd7f830.jpg[/im]

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    3. Now it works. I can't figure out if that dog is protecting its owner or about to slam the doors shut on her unsuspecting head... but I love it either way.

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    4. It was in the meme for "the floor is lava". Guess he's protecting his paws while his owner is willing to take her chances in lieu of a snack.

      I meant to ask you before I got sidetracked on the vanishing picture....Are there no tornadoes there? I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that you never see one or be in one. (of course, it's a given that I don't want you to burn or sink either.)

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    5. There are occasionally tornadoes here, but those are mostly in the plains/podunk areas, so in my 32 years, I've certainly never seen one. And yeah, keep those fingers crossed, because I'm okay without ever seeing one in the future.

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    6. The smart tornadoes aim for Podunk so they can hit all the trailer parks. It's natures version of an arcade game.... and I am pretty sure they get double points for taking out the double wides.

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  15. Thankfully lava can be walked on with invisible lava repellent shoes. I can't believe Bryan didn't know this.

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    1. Oh, I knew this, but like I said, Billy gave me absolutely no advanced warning. I left them in my invisible space suit in my invisible Lamborghini, which was parked outside in front of my imaginary castle. And come on, there's no way I could have reached that while my feet were already smoldering.

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  16. At our house, we confined lava to large throw rugs, crocheted from scraps by mom. The main carpet was in another dimension.

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    1. So what you're saying is that Billy actually could have saved me but he willingly chose not to.

      What an asshole.

      Delete
  17. I played this as a kid at my Nan & Grandad's house. They were both lava-proof of course.

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    1. Say what you will about the elderly; their resistance to both lava and dragons is almost otherworldly.

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  18. WHOA! It's like "The Summer Of Love" all over again.
    (Frankly, I feel once was enough.)...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-n73OEENF8

    ~ D-FensDogG

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    1. My wife's currently in Vegas experience the Summer of Lava. So far she's melted away 10 lbs. Not that she needs to lose it, just that she's literally melting. Good times.

      [im]http://img.memecdn.com/just-another-day-in-the-ether_c_4115975.jpg[/im]

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  19. Ah, damn it. You made me look like a crazy person at work. Luckily only the night crew saw me laughing alone in my car.

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    1. There's nothing at all insane about laughing alone in your car.

      "Oh steering wheel, you're hilarious!"
      [im]http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/945142/112985326/stock-photo-attractive-laughing-woman-driver-leaning-on-the-steering-wheel-of-her-car-with-her-eyes-shut-112985326.jpg[/im]

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  20. You should always wear your lava-proof shoes!
    Always!
    Because you can never tell when everything well go to Hell.

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    1. With the election that's looming just ahead of us, I kind of feel like lava-proof shoes aren't going to be all that effective. Maybe getting sucked up into the black abyss of carpet-lava isn't such a bad alternative.

      Delete
  21. I use to do this to my kids all the time, because apparently I didn't think ahead to the future therapy bills. Throw pillows made lava proof islands, very important in keeping yourself alive.

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    1. Unfortunately, Billy didn't even think to toss me a single throw pillow, that selfish sumbitch.

      Delete
  22. I would have doused you with the nearest liquid that wasn't lava. Probably would have been beer and then I might have regretted it.

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    1. I don't think beer can put out lava, but I'll be damned if I wouldn't die refreshed.

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  23. You might as well be walkin' on the sun.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Hey, it worked for those people who attended Tony Robbins' seminar, right?

      "I'm walking on sunshine, and nothing can keep me d-AGGGGGGGHHHHH"
      [im]http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4otgOfL1Dy4/SlgqcNH-AlI/AAAAAAAAAzs/z80l4E01dmk/s400/man+on+fire.jpg[/im]

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  24. Who doesn't have lava or quicksand in their living room. I thought that was the norm, now a tornado in the basement is just a bit freaky.

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    1. A tornado isn't so freaky, but combine it with the lava and I'm just plain terrified. Behold the fire tornado - aka how you know Mother Nature wants you dead.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/19/21/b8/1921b82203597340248e3983dbc7b40b.jpg[/im]

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  25. Why did you cut out the scene that follows, where the emperor fishes your charred corpse off the planet, you're painfully healed and then learn that Natalie Portman is always going to look like a 12 year old:
    [im]https://66.media.tumblr.com/45eb079722b73f05381fe36efa4e66c3/tumblr_nz7ubtaaIw1u38djvo1_400.gif[/im]

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    1. "Wait, what? Disney bought us out and they're going to beat this franchise to death until everyone hates it? I'm just going to lower myself back into that lava, thanks."

      [im]http://www.screeninsults.com/images/terminator-2-judgement-day-lava.JPG[/im]

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  26. I think you'll arise from the lava with great super powers. :)

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    1. Are third degree burns considered a super power?

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  27. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdPF2Cg85qo

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    1. Lawd Jesus it's a fire!
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gH-AxXNJ0GA

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  28. Sigh. That game claimed my parents years ago. I still blame myself.

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    1. When I was 8, I stepped on a crack and broke my mother's back. Now she's in a wheelchair. I can't forgive myself, and it's just something you never stop hating yourself for.

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  29. You guys are enjoying this new app. Instead of lava, I think I'd rather just melt. Maybe hardened as something else. LOL!

    https://youtu.be/uQJ8WrKnLUs

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    1. Regardless of how you feel about politics, I love that the top rated comment is "Hillary takes the ice bucket challenge?"

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  30. LOL!!! That totally reminded me of a Studio C sketch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3abcO67Y8Q

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    1. "Ah! My weak, girl arms!"

      Hey, that was pretty funny! Not bad, BYU. Not bad at all.

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  31. Lava is STILL better than shag carpet.

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    1. I think we'd all rather have our legs burned off than have to deal with shag carpeting. "Well, I just dropped some peanut butter on the shag carpet. Time to get a new house."

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  32. Even super mario has taught me anything is that lava only hurts for a little bit

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    1. Even though half of my body melted and I no longer have feet, I simply jumped into the air, went "wah wah wah wah!!" with my pants comically on fire, and then kept on running.

      Delete
  33. My kids played this in their bedroom. For hours upon hours. I never did understand how it could be entertaining to them. Then again, it was before they discovered electronics.

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    1. It's great exercise spending endless hours trying to avoid getting your legs burned off, so no complaints there, right?

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  34. Replies
    1. "I think, therefore I burn." - Rene DeSharts

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  35. Nothing like scaring the crap out of the kids.

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    1. Oh, sure, Billy's a little traumatized, but what about my no legs?

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  36. How does EVERYONE end up playing that game as a kid!??!

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    1. I believe it was in the same memo that told us every single couch can be converted into a fort via arrangement of pillows.

      Delete
  37. I remember pretending the floor was lava, or water, when I was a kid. :)

    This kinda reminded me of the movie Volcano when that guy...melts. I still have to leave the room or change the channel when that part comes on. haha

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    1. I never saw that movie, but I did always get a little creeped out by the part in Indiana Jones where the Nazi guy's face just completely melts off of his skull.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTcheaqt0rU

      Good times!

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  38. I am beginning to think I should stop visiting your blog. It appears you are both nuts and the people who visit you are nuts. It might be catching.

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    1. Insanity isn't contagious, but it sure is a lot of fun. You should try it - you just might like it!

      Delete
  39. haha - I used to pretend the floor was a moat and I had yardstick sword, going all Lady Marian. I guess much hasn't changed as I write about knights and castle and dragons.

    I looked around your blog and I hadn't realized how many books the beer guys have written. Lost and Found looks good, I'll have to pick that up to read.

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    1. Wow, okay Ms. Fancy with your yard stick, all we had were snapped off tree branches. Kidding aside, though, that's awesome. I guess we all really didn't change that much, did we? Instead of pretending, we just write about the things we want to happen (thus all of those books).

      Thanks in advance if you do check out Lost and Found! That one was a fun one to write. Very different for us.

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  40. Lava Schmava. I knew how to conquer that stuff in elementary school on the playground on monkey bars. ;-)

    Heh. You guys = Hilarity.

    Also.

    I've missed you. Glad to be back in blogosphere. I've been gone too long. I seriously am going to scroll through and read posts that I've missed from you right now.............

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    1. Unfortunately, my house didn't come with monkey bars in it, so I'm sad to say my legs and most of torso were consumed by hot, bubbling magma.

      Live and learn, I guess.

      Hey, welcome back! We hope you stick around this time.

      Delete
  41. Sorry to arrive late. So I'm thinking that since Billy is blue-eyed with blond hair, he's a nephew of your wife's side of the family?!!

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    1. My wife's 100% Mexican. She's less likely to have blonde hair/blue eyed relatives than I am. I think a better question is 'how did this strange Aryan child get into my living room, and why is he so familiar with me?'

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