Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter AKA an Adventure in Publishing

The day is finally upon us! After over a year of sitting on this gem, we finally get to release our masterpiece, Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter. And what an adventure it's been to get here.

See, when we started the project, we decided to go completely traditional with it. No more Indie publishing. No more holding grudges against our old agent for being useless. So we got ourselves another agent, who seemed excited about us and our writing, who had an amazing reputation. We left our baby in her hands, and... well, this comic might explain the process best.



This situation had two things in common with our very first agent - first, the agent did nothing but sit on their ass, and second, we fired said ass.

The industry itself wasn't any better. Our agent, in the span of six months, did manage to submit to two big publishers. We got two rejections. However, those rejections were so backhandedly complimentary, that we actually are using them as blurbs for the back of the book. We want to share each with you, as printed on the back cover.

First one.


If you're wondering what that means, it means that the industry is unwilling to take a chance on unique books. They'd much rather sell another Hunger Games clone (of which there's currently 9,000 in circulation) or another generic romance novel, which are both guaranteed to lazily gather sales, than take a chance on something new and creative that might or might not sell.

If that didn't sum it up well enough, check out our second blurb, uh we mean rejection.


Clearly we weren't thinking of the book clubs when we wrote this novel.

So if you want to read the novel that two Big Six publishing houses called "stellar" and "totally awesome", that one publisher actually raved about, that's so unique and hilarious that it won't appeal to Oprah's book club, we urge you to check out this novel. We personally think it's the best book we've ever written. And right now, for our blog friends, we're only charging $2.99 as a special, so act now before it gets re-listed at the normal price of $5.99.

Synopsis (and our cool new author pic, as seen on the back of the book):


So if you love what we do here and you enjoy our writing, please consider not just picking one up, but leaving us a review* on Amazon. Both of those things help us keep this blog running ad free, plus it's kind of our chosen career path.

*It truly can just be "This book was good." Four words. "Very good" if you feel like being generous and throwing in an extra.

Currently it's only available as an Ebook, but paperback format should be good to go in only a matter of days. As added incentive to any of our blog friends reading this now, if you buy a $2.99 Kindle version, and promise to leave us a review (honor system, bitches!), we'll send you an autographed paperback copy, free of charge (U.S. only, please. We love our friends in Australia, but we also don't have $50+ to mail you a book).

All you have to do is buy the Kindle version, forward us the receipt (abeerfortheshower@gmail.com), and then give us your address, and we'll mail you a chicken-scratched signed copy!

Click this sweet-as-hell cover to learn more and to buy the first book in a very hilariously badass series.


Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan

Beer: Diet Miller Lite Zero
Music: Van Hoolen's Canada
(Note: these items are both hilarious if you've read the book)

115 comments:

  1. Good luck boys, will get the missus to buy us a copy as I have no bank account and amazon don't accept Paypal!

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    1. Pretty soon Amazon will only accept blood, sweat, and/or tears. Thanks for the contribution, good sir!

      Delete
  2. Congrats on the new book, and good luck with it!!

    Sometimes I think I should just sit down and write some borderline pornographic romance novel trash, just to make money. But then I'm not sure I could live with myself afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. As you're swimming in a bath tub full of money, I think you could manage to somehow sleep at night... on a mattress made entirely of money.

      (Yeah, we couldn't do it either, sadly)

      Delete
  3. Congratulations! Will get my copy today.
    Those rejection slips are priceless. Just shows you what's wrong with big publishers. I'm glad smaller ones like mine are more willing to take a chance.
    Of course, now you two can laugh all the way to the bank since you get to keep all the money.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh, but if we sell a million copies, those same publishers will come crawling back begging for a reprint under their name. It's just incredible.

      Thanks for the support!

      Delete
  4. Purchased, a bargain at £2.05. Looking forward to reading it. Just remember to thank us little people when your accepting your Booker Prize!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Did you misspell Booger Prize? Because I could totally see us winning that. Anything else? Probably not.

      And thank you, good sir, for the support! We're all about bargains.

      Delete
  5. This sounds like an advertisement for self-publishing. Still the fantasy of getting published by a big publisher sounds attractive. Consider yourselves cutting edge authors. You're like a pair of scissors. If I had enough hair I'd hire you to cut it for me. You'd have to pay your own way to L.A. though. I could go on forever with this kind of inane chatter. You'd like that wouldn't you? Never mind.


    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Inane chatter is what we're all about. I don't have scissors but I do have a good pair of dog hair trimmers that'll shave my poodle down to the bone (not a euphemism, but for the right price it can be). And frankly, at this point, we don't care whether it's self publishing or small publishing or big publishing, we just want to get this story out there where it belongs.

      Delete
  6. Congrats on the self publishing! I'll buy my copy tonight, and once I finish, I'll be sure to leave a stellar review. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen a humor novel published by a big company that wasn't corny as shit and geared toward 18th century yuppies, so you guys did the right thing in my opinion.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Are you telling me that Dave Barry is not hilarious? Because his tales of woe about not understanding how to program a VCR are worthy of so many under-the-breath chuckles. So, so many.

      (And thanks, man! We both really appreciate it!)

      Delete
  7. Those are some wild rejections. Maybe if you were less funny, you'd get punished more easily. Have you considered writing about shiny teenage monsters?

    I don't understand why funny books would be a tough sell.

    Is it because people don't read many books and when they do, they want to believe they're doing rocket surgery?

    I am going to try to add less humor to my writing so that I'm more marketable.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I feel like we already get punished easily enough.

      Who knew that being funny was the ultimate hipster cred? "Yeah, I write funny books, so no publisher will touch me, man. This book is super underground. I'd sell you a copy, but you can only buy it on the black market. Bring plenty of Bitcoins, bro."

      Delete
    2. I'm going to pretend that I am on an Apple product that changed "published" to "punished."

      In reality, I'm not. I typed "punished." Make of it what you will.

      Delete
  8. Bought and paid for! Mine now, no sharing! Thanks again guys, you rock!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You won't even share our own book with us? You monster!

      Kidding aside, thanks a ton for the support! We both appreciate it!

      Delete
  9. heh heh heh
    >snort<

    Of course, you know I'm good for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've told you before that no matter how much you try you cannot pay for books in smiles.

      Delete
  10. Hey, very cool shirt, man! And I dig the matching bland hat, too.

    [See what I did there?]

    Nah, seriously, that's a great shirt advertising a great beer. And the best thing is that if we ever meet in person and go out drinking together, even if we commit a fashion faux pas and both wear our Chilebeso T-shirts at the same time, the fact that the front and back designs on my 2015 model are completely reversed on your 2016 model, will save us from anyone snidely telling us to "get a room".

    I still haven't finished my advance copy of "TWATLEY" (only because I haven't been eating as much as I used to) but so far I think it really might be you Beer Boys' best.

    Tuck reminds me of an Agent 86 for the 21st Century.

    Did I ever tell you my own misadventures in publishing regarding my children's book manuscript and the big English publishing company that does those 'Where's Waldo?' books? If not, remind me the next time we yak on the telly.

    Good luck with the book, Beer Boys. Cheers!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We should just all get together and all wear our Chilebeso shirts. Two identical shirts might look gay, but three looks like a cult.

      And thank you for the kind words and the kind comparison! We would advertise Tuck as being a modern day Get Smart, but I have a feeling most people would just ask, "What the hell is that?"

      And no, you have not told us about your children's book manuscript mishap, but I look forward to hearing about it. And finally finding out where Waldo is. I think at this point, 25 years later, if he hasn't been found we can just call off the search. He's most likely dead.

      Delete
  11. Hey you plagiarists, wasn't that essentially the plot of "Captain America: The Winter Soldier"? I hope at the very least that Tuck and D.B. are openly gay lovers, unlike those closet-cases Cap and Bucky. That'd be a bit of okay. I'm keen to read your latest opus but I'm gonna wait and buy the PB version in a few days because I'm old-fashioned that way plus I live in Canada.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks for the future support! And they are not gay lovers, but Tuck was secretly a Nazi all along, so he and the Cap at least share that.

      Delete
  12. I like paper in hand, and will come sniffing by in a few days to see if you got it up for paperback yet. I need something to go in between a couple of Kenneth Lynch's so Robyn doesn't get so lost in the crowd...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. A proof should be coming in today. When paper is live, you'll be the third to know (we'll technically be the first and second). And while you're at it, you should get an Al Penwasser or two to go between those Kenneth Lynchs...

      Delete
  13. Ah, the wonders of literally any industry: they pass up on books that aren't average, but won't accept books that are average over the fact that they're average. How are they ever going to put anything onto print when above-average average novels are so hard to come by?
    As a quick side-thought, I think going indie again with this is kind of fitting for the book's theme.

    So tell me, the font I see in the pictures of the blurps there, is that the font used on the back cover? The answer will determine if I buy a physical copy or not. (^:
    I'm in the Netherlands though, what can I do/sell to get an autographed copy delivered at my below-sea-level doorstep?
    And aren't your prices hella cheap for physical copies? Isn't that going to run you into the negatives?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Those are literal grabs from the back cover, so yes, that's the same font.

      Assuming you'll still be interested in an automagraphed copy, we can always work something out. We'd love to send you one. And yep, that's very cheap, because Kindle sales ranking and reviews are worth more than gold. The books themselves don't cost us very much, though. We get a hugely discounted rate for being the authors (aww yeah, perks!) so at any given time we usually have a box full of the suckers, ready to sell to unsuspecting strangers.

      Delete
    2. You know what, I'll take it. Let me know when you figure out a plan for getting that badboy to me. I'd be happy to pay for the shipping if needed!

      Delete
  14. I have to see if I can download Kindle on my I-Pad. I would like to read this because it sounds very funny. I am amazed at the publishers but at least they are telling the truth as sad as it is. I bet if your name was Steve Martin or Pee Wee Herman, you would have had it published

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think we're all better off for not having "Pee Wee Herman" listed as the author. And they do indeed have Kindle for iPad, so if you're able to get that and download our book, we thank you immensely in advance! If not, well, we thank you for at least trying. :)

      Delete
  15. Just bought a Kindle version-would like the autographed hard copy but would be happy to pay for it. Best of luck with the book!

    Larry

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    1. Thanks and thanks again, and worry you not about paying us extra. Just give us a kick ass review and we'll be golden.

      Delete
  16. Hey, dudes! At least you garnered a couple a really classy rejections. Pbbbbbt! You don't need no stinkin' big publisher. All bazillion of your blog pals will buy a copy, and then those stupid boogerhead publishers will be sorry they missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime.

    Really. Gonna buy your book right now. Good luck with it!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh yes, those are definitely better rejections than "This was awful. You shouldn't even be writing grocery lists. Please kill yourself."

      And thank you a ton for the support! We really do appreciate it! You know where to find us if you want an autographed copy.

      Delete
  17. Ordered and downloaded. My old Kindle was awakened after it's 100 year (OK maybe not quite that long) nap and welcomed your little baby into into it's little Kindle arms. Frankly, my Kindle was feeling bad about all the abuse that the asswipe agent inflicted on it.

    As rejections go...those are impressively complimentary. Really, the only thing better would of been them actually NOT rejecting your book.

    Great picture guys...and congrats on the book launch. I will try to get it read before I am old and gray...Oh shit that is nearly here so I better get crackin'.

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    1. Thank you kindly! Not just for the purchase, but for showing your old Kindle some love. Mine has gone through an ignoring phase for the past year, but I finally loaded it up with some books and am giving it some long overdue usage. It's either that or go outside and interact with people, and we all know how awful and miserable that is.

      Delete
  18. Well at least they were rather impressive rejections. Just goes to show what "simple" people are out there that big business has to cater to them to make any money. All comes back to the all mighty dollar no matter how good something is. Shame indeed. Self publishing is so much easier. But then if you sell a million copies they'll buy anything, even if it's shit or ghostwritten crap. Pathetic.

    Congrats as well. Will be bought at my zoo.

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    1. Thanks! And yes, maybe if we sell enough copies we can become the next James Patterson. Speaking of, want to write us an entire novel for $200? You'll get absolutely no credit and no royalties, but you'll get the satisfaction of knowing that you helped out our career. And, well, $200.

      Delete
  19. Congrats guys, The book actually sounds very entertaining. I will have to head over to amazon. It's too bad they wouldn't take a chance. The rejection notes actually praised your work. Sadly it is about money. They want a sure thing! Shaking my head

    PS - I like the new picture. What is the bartender serving?

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    1. The bartender's serving beer from Black Shirt Brewing, some of the finest beer in all of Colorado. They make a lavender pistachio rye that's out of this world, and I realize this entire comment just sounds like a paid advertisement, but we both just really like their beer that much. If they wanted to pay us to drink it, though, we're open.

      Delete
  20. Just bought it. And I want that print copy. Maybe I can get my husband to read a book. Review on the way. Those are the best rejections and perhaps the most nonsensical I've ever read.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awww yeah! That print copy shall be yours. If we haven't heard from you in a few days, we'll shoot you an e-mail. And if it says anything, my own dad read this book cover to cover, and the last thing he read was a VCR instruction manual in 1985.

      Delete
  21. In other words if I buy the Kindle version, I won't get a copy of the paperback. boo hoo and chiz. I just received a book from a friend in WV and it cost her about $15 so I can't blame you. Plus I had proofed her book a few times anyway. So now I will go buy the Kindle version.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. If you really want an autographed paperback version, we can work something out with you. Shipping to Canada is much less expensive than shipping to, say, Antarctica. But either way, thank you for the purchase! You won't regret it! (We hope)

      Delete
    2. Thanks, but I am happy with the Kindle version. I have more than enough books as it is.

      Delete
  22. OK I just bought it. In the picture of you, which is which, or should it be who is who?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Brandon is the one with the crippling debt and Bryan's the one who's dead inside.

      Delete
    2. Kidding aside, Brandon's on the left in the hat, and Bryan's on the right.

      Delete
  23. Congratulations! I'm doing a happy dance for you. I've gotten rejections like those before. And yup, publishers not wanting to take chances on something different.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! Our happy dance may include a few middle fingers, but it's still happy all the same.

      Delete
  24. Congratulations! I love your rejections.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Thanks! We love them, too... oddly enough.

      Delete
    2. I apologize for not buying your book, but I have to get a new roof. I must save every penny possible, and can only make charitable donations. If you become a charity, please let me know.

      Delete
    3. Ha! No problem. We understand. It's probably difficult to read a book if the rain is pouring down on you through your broken roof.

      Delete
  25. Whenever you get a book rejected in the future just remember that half of Murica can't read anyway.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That doesn't make me feel any better. Doesn't make it any less true, though.

      Delete
  26. It's too bad big houses aren't willing to take a chance, especially when their rigidity is in competition with a slew of new voices and ideas. Anyway, you should be proud of those rejections!

    Cheers to your publication!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Congrats to the both of you for becoming bigger somebodies. I is so jealous.

    Father Nature's Corner

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    Replies
    1. We find that the key to embiggening is to stop giving a fuck. Works all the time every time.

      Delete
  28. Major congratulations on the new book guys. It's really annoying that both publishers said they really liked it, but wouldn't sell it. One even said everyone in the office enjoyed it. You know what that says to me? That says the book will SELL. But what do I know? I'm not a publisher. So I don't know what the market likes. I guess. It's not like people need to take more chances or anything.

    Still, it's out there and I have money now so I can actually buy this one. Yay!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, right? "Well, 100% of us in the office liked it, but who knows if anyone out THERE will like it?" It's a sad state of affairs when people who are professional novel editors and critics can't even put out books they like.

      And thanks mucho for the support! We think you're going to love this one. And then feel really sad for us because it's pretty much exactly what the USA is like right now.

      Delete
  29. Book clubs, guys, book clubs! Ah yes, how can the two most brilliantly creative authors out there forget that the big publishing houses prioritize book clubs. And book clubs do not understand real humor. Duh. PS Keep those book clubs in mind, guys.

    PPS I love how you've worked all this. Honest humor. You've inspired me every step of the way. Those blurbs from big pub houses that rejected Tuck ARE as stellar as you guys. Though anyone in a book club might not appreciate them. Damn book clubs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We were thinking about trying to win over the book club crowd by bringing a nice big bag of Werthers and asking them to tell us all about their grandchildren but I guess there's just no pleasing some people.

      And thank you, truly! Not just for the support, but for the fact that we've inspired you. We must be doing something (somewhat) right!

      Delete
  30. B&B:
    I've worked for a publisher MANY moons ago (sorry, it was a MEDICAL publishing company), and I heard (back then in the 70s) that getting published in the REAL world (and not the pristine and often sterile medical world) was a hassle and a half.
    Some things never seem to change.
    Sure, you're trying to break into the business, and for those already there, it's easy to STAY there.
    Hope you guys don't give up OR give in...just keep plugging away.
    Everyone can't say no forever, right?
    You get that paperback out - hell yeah, I'll buy one.
    Good to see you've both kept your chins up during all this.
    Goes to show the true CHARACTER of good people (imho).

    (got that paypal payment transfer right? LOL)

    Getting that publishing break isn't a sprint race...it's a bloody marathon (and mostly UPHILL)!

    Very good post and great cartoons as usual.

    Stay safe out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yep, that's exactly it. It's easy to stay once you're in there, but hard as hell to get in in the first place. Being good guarantees nothing. I guess our plan is just to brute force our way in. If it works, it works, right?

      Delete
  31. Congratulations! I'll pick up a copy and leave a review. So frustrating about agents an publishing houses! I have a similar story. I think many of us do!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks and then thanks again! With this being so common, it's a wonder anything outside the norm ever gets published.

      Delete
  32. Okay, I just ordered it. It better be damned good or I'll fire your agent. I have friends in high places, ya know, the kind of places Tuck would be seen near. I can't read it until next week, but I will and I promise to leave a review and I'll try and make it sound as though I am literate. Honest, I will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we already fired our agent but you're welcome to fire her again. Couldn't hurt after the way we were mistreated. And your review had better be damned coherent, or we're going to send those same friends in high places after you with a pitchspork.*

      (Oh, and thanks! You rock, sir!)

      *All we could afford after paying off said friends. They're damn expensive

      Delete
  33. Tough sell? Isn't that their jobs!? Uggghhhh...

    It always kills me that these people don't understand that the thing that everyone is trying to imitate got to be successful because it was fresh and original. Do these people not understand that you're never going to have a huge success with a knock off?

    And the thing that really kills me is that every, EVERY, submission guidelines for every publisher or magazine or ezine or whatever always, always, always says that they are looking for fresh and original material. Clearly they don't mean it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now I just wonder, where does the fresh and original material that goes big even come from? How do the Harry Potters and Hunger Games of the world slip through the cracks?

      "Smith, explain to me why the hell you published this story about a boy wizard. It's DIFFERENT."
      "I'm sorry, sir, I just liked it a lot."
      "Has it been successful?"
      "Surprisingly, yes. Very successful."
      "Then we'll tell them that that was our idea all along, but DON'T let it happen again."

      Delete
    2. I remember reading an article way back when about how it's hard to find humorous fiction. There's usually a humor section in the book store, but it's usually devoted to comic strip collections, comedian memoirs, or collections of David Sedaris essays, things like that. There have been some famous humorous novels, like Catch-22 or A Confedacy of Dunces, but there just doesn't seem to a broad genre with humor like there is with horror or SciFi. I'm not really sure why. Comedy makes up a huge part of the entertainment world in general, and there's a long tradition of comedy in movies. So why not in books too? Seems like these publishers have some deeply ingrained industry prejudice against humorous fiction, probably some idiotic, long established "rule" that "humor doesn't sell", and these people probably treat anyone who questions it like they're ignorant or naive of "how the business works" quote quote quote. One of those sorts of things. (For instance, why are comedy shows always half an hour and dramas are a full hour. I'm sure if you ask someone in the television industry you'd get some moron clinking ice around in his glass telling you, "That's just how it works", like that's an answer, like this crap is a fact of life carved in stone somewhere by someone and it can't ever be changed.)

      I'm sure there are people like you guys writing good humorous fiction, and there are definitely people out there who want to read it, but you've got this wall of an apathetic, stale publishing industry standing between them, an industry who's sole purpose for being and earning their keep is to CONNECT these two groups together!

      In other words, you got your work cut out for you. Good luck!

      Delete
    3. Yes, 100% yes. Apparently in the 1980s everyone got together and decided that only Dave Barry could write humor, and it couldn't be fictitious, it could only be eye-rollingly unfunny essays about life as an old person. Whenever we tell people we write humor, they assume we just mean crap like that. Now I see why anyone who's funny and can write either writes a memoir or just writes for TV/movies.

      Looks like it's time for us to change the game.

      Delete
  34. "We fired said ass." That has got to be the greatest line in the history of the English language! I'm going to pimp your book right now!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yay, thanks! If you think those words are good, you should see the words in our book. There's about 90,000 of them, and at least 89,500 are stellar. The rest are probably filler.

      Delete
  35. Wow, I didn't know publishers actually said nice things like that! Congrats on the rejections! (That's worded oddly.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! It definitely beats a form letter or a kick in the teeth.

      Delete
  36. This sounds great (love the backstory, by the way). I'm definitely in and I'll be grabbing my copy soon with my grubby little, literature-needy hands. Writing is no small thing. And writing humor? Well, that's just the King of writing genres...sez I, though lacking any perceivable clout.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, you used the term "perceivable clout", so that puts you above pretty much any level of mainstream literature. Thanks for the support, and for the kind words! Your grubby little hands will not be disappointed. Nor will your eyes, your brain, or your laugh muscles.

      Delete
  37. HA! I felt like I owed you boys so much, so I decided to buy the book - The first time I've ever bought a book from a blogger. Then I find out that for no reason you've decided to link to my blog. So now the score is:

    Michael - 1
    ABftS - 205

    I'm willing to pay the cost for shipping a signed hard copy if that's still an option. I once sent a signed photo of myself to Janie Junebug and if I remember rightly it was less than $20 Australian.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Psssh, what do you mean no reason? You're our favorite Aussie. And that's saying a lot, because we know like 5 of them.

      Okay, okay, we'll send you a signed paperback, but the framed photo is extra.

      (E-mail coming your way. Let us know if you didn't get it)

      Delete
    2. I got it. I'm impressed I come before the Hemsworths in your favourite Aussies list.

      Delete
    3. I don't trust any man who has prettier hair than my wife. Or any man who was at one time engaged to Miley Cyrus.

      Delete
  38. That's great you finally got it published! The first rejection hardly made sense to me. They praised then denied it...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, we didn't get it either, but maybe it's for the best. If they couldn't handle us at our worst, then they definitely don't deserve us at our best. No publisher is worth your tears, and the one who is won't make you cry.

      Oh god, I've been reading too many female break up memes on Facebook.

      Delete
    2. LOL
      I saw this isn't your first publish?
      I'm wanting The Missing Link, or the one about the guy taking care of his sister while in a serious relationship with a blowup doll.

      I must inquire if you'd add your signatures?..

      Delete
  39. Best rejection letters ever! And what a great idea to use them on the back of the book. It's a damn shame they didn't snag the book.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, on the plus side, if they had picked us up they might have made us edit it too much. Make it more PC, remove things we thought were hilarious, etc. Releasing the unfiltered version is more fun.

      Delete
  40. You go, girls (is what I WOULD have said to the ladies in my massive BOOK CLUB when they ordered your book, which had been published by the big-ass [or big ass?] [both!] publisher)!!! Gah! I've given myself a headache with all the parens in parens. The reason I spell it parens is because I never am sure if it's supposed to be parentheses or parenthesis. Ugh.

    Okay, your book is on my Amazon wish list. the next time I order something from Amazon -- that baby's going in the cart!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just don't leave your baby in the cart and then leave the store because that's why I'm not allowed near my nephew anymore.

      (Oh, and thank you for the [future] support!) ~ parentheses for life!

      Delete
  41. Ignoring the Book Clubs huh? That's such a daring move. No wonder your baby turned out unique. Those lazy ass agents can just #@#@$%%%%@$# Well, you get the picture.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thankfully, we aren't censored by agents or publishers or book clubs, so we can say whatever we want. Those lazy ass agents can fuck themselves sideways with a rusty, broken Taco Bell spork oozing in three year old enchirito crust. Better?

      Delete
  42. Too funny. I am not much of a comedy person, so I'll have to pass on this also. I'm so glad you took initiative and published on your own. Agents can be pesky things - and elusive. Someday I hope book-baby is a foot rest for one. maybe.

    Now, I did finally post a review for Graveyard Shift on both Amazon and Goodreads. Its really short, but more than four words. I have six in my vocabulary, ya know!?

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    1. Hey, we'd much rather you say that and be honest than lie and say, "Yep, got it, totally excited to read it!" when you really didn't.

      (Other people who said that, we totally know who you are)

      (...Okay we don't)

      Oh, and thank you for that review! That is a fantastically flattering!

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  43. Sounds like a fun book to read. I will have to get a copy.

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    1. Thank you much if you do! If was pretty damn fun to write, so I imagine it's equally fun to read, if not more so.

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  44. That sounds incredibly frustrating. I will certainly be picking up your book and saving you the money by not forcing you to send me anything in return. I'm a long time supporter of ABftS. I'd also like to support you by tweeting about the book to my fives of sevens of followers. Is there a hashtag I can employ?
    Hold on, are there pictures in the book? If not, I'm going to stick with re-reading my favorite book:
    [im]http://www.funnyjunk.com/Flip+book/funny-gifs/4947945[/im]

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    1. Dammit, my first gif didn't work. Here's my second favorite book:
      [im]https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-buop3vFJEsg/VtRMOEo8RNI/AAAAAAAARMI/pzE_kTEcyl4/w350-h197/Leonardo%2BDiCaprio%2BOscar%2BWinning%2BFlipbook%2BAnimation.gif[/im]

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    2. A hashtag? What are we, young and relevant? If you do use a hashtag, it should definitely be #Blessed.

      Thank you, as always, for your support! You've just saved two starving artists from having to get real jobs, and you've prolonged our parents' collective disappointment in our artistic delusion.

      Also, because that first GIF is too damn good, here's a direct link.
      [im]http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Flip+book+sorry+for+low+quality+found+on+failblog_799283_4947501.gif[/im]

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  45. Good luck on your book. I will put it on my list of books to buy. I don't do ebooks so will get the paper when I do.

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    1. Paperback is finally ready to go, so when you do order, it'll be there. And thanks in advance! The paperback looks damn good, probably our best ever, and is WAY more stunning and fun to hold than a regular old file (sorry, Kindle lovers).

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  46. Congrats! Just downloaded a copy. Sounds hilarious :)

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    1. Why thank you! You rock! If you want that free physical copy, give us a shout.

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  47. Congratulations gentleman and good luck!! I will be purchasing a copy and leaving a comment on Amazon :-) Nice picture btw

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    1. Thank you and thank you! All of that means a lot to us! And yeah, that picture turned out pretty well, considering we were each 3 beers deep at that point.

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  48. Good for you for having the cahones...how do you spell the nicer word for testicles?...to go forth without the approval of the big guys. I feel your pain. I once got a revise and resubmit to a large-ish publisher...they sent me the "formula" for a romance and told me to make the book fit the "formula" and they'd take it. Basically, remove the subplots and add sex. Ugh. I decided to pass. My dad always said I had a hard time coloring in the lines.

    I'll happily buy, read, and review. I won't even make you bribe me. One day, when you're famous- I will cash in. First, I'll want my ax from the other book. Then I'll want my signed copy of this one. You may present it to me on Oprah. Tell her I love her too. Those are my conditions. I'll consider the lack of cease and desist letter from your attorney as tacit agreement.

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    1. See, that's one thing we thought about after the fact, too. What if we got a decent publishing deal, but they wanted us to change everything until it was only a shell of what it was before?

      Also, did you never get the axe from that giveaway? We need to rectify that. And get you your free book. And tell Oprah you love her. But we won't tell her that WE love her, because that would be a lie, and we don't want to lead her on.

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  49. No Kindle but a Kobo. No credit card but only iDeal and paypal. Located in the Netherlands so dropping by to pick up a paperback is a hassle as well.

    Seems like the actual repayment for all the entertainment (and education/insight?) will have to wait a bit longer.
    Anyway, huge thanks for your blog even if words don't fill your bellies. (But your mind bellies must be full.)

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    1. We thank you much! Our mind bellies always need filling. Our real bellies, well, if we relied on books to fill those they'd be either sick or dead, so maybe next time.

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