Thursday, June 16, 2016

OMG UR teh Wurst Prezdnt Evar

Election season is upon us, which means that voter fraud is in the air, nauseating amounts of attack ads are filling the airwaves, and most of us are busy Googling things like, "What do I need to become a Canadian citizen?" It also means that the mud slinging has begun, resulting in something that looks a lot like this.

Yes, the Donald is flipping the famous double bird with his unnaturally tiny hands as a way of insulting the corpse in the pantsuit.

But for the first time ever, a lot of this middle fingering has become digital. Some of you may have already seen these, but recently Hillary Clinton tweeted this.


And Donald Trump in reply tweeted this.



First off, as much as we both can't stand Trump, he does seem to get the zinger in this exchange. But second, and more importantly, did you ever think that we'd live in an age where presidential candidates - one of whom might very well be the next president of the United States - would be talking shit to each other on Twitter?

It's such an amazingly low achievement of technology. I mean, imagine if this kind of digital outlet for smack talk was available when the good ol' US of A was first forming its roots.




(History lesson: Most people don't know that in addition to being Andrew Jackson's VP and serving as the eighth president of the United States, Martin Van Buren was also the original Wolverine).

But with Hillary and "the Donald", there's something you must understand. This is only the beginning. It surely can only get worse from here. And we're not just talking about how bad it'll be in 5 months when both are desperately clambering for voters. No, we're talking about in 20-30 years when teenagers growing up now and practically living on Twitter will be eligible to run for president.


(Future history lesson: a paternity test would later reveal that "PussyDestroyer" WAS in fact the father, because DNA evidence later supported his claim that he was "black but only frum teh waist dwn".)

So... that's pretty much what we have to look forward to in coming years.

At this point we'd normally give you some kind of conclusion. A summation maybe, or a final thought, or something we've learned. But the whole thing is so mind numbing and depressing that we ultimately just have one question: Anyone in Canada looking for some roommates?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
B&B

Music: Paul Simon
Beer: Blue Moon Pils


120 comments:

  1. We need a President like Martin Van Buren again. Nobody would attack us if the President was sporting those guns and hand blades.

    It's a shame that twitter is still not going to have an auto-correct or edit button in the future, though.

    I hope Britnee wins that election. Yes, she's probably the lesser of two evils, but I hear her position on handling the Great Robot Invasion of 2021 is far superior to Steve's. Plus she beat George Z.O. Bush XI fair and square in the primary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Britnee would have a stronger chance if she hadn't picked Paris Hilton to be her running mate. Contrary to what you might think, Paris actually polled great with invalids 18-35, but after insisting on DJing every single event Britnee's numbers plummeted.

      [im]http://lalovesedm.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/DJ-Paris-Hilton-750x400.png[/im]

      Oh, and at this point I'd even settle for Abroham Lincoln. We never had any president as strong as the man who abolished sleevery.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/qhRQAOO.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  2. I am laughing but also crying a little inside because this is true. That makes me depressed I really think America just needs a break from presidents for awhile. I think we'd do just fine without one. Also I'm totally on board with moving to Canada.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At first I thought it might be lonely in Canada, but then I realized we'll probably have plenty of American neighbors. In fact, we should probably all hurry before Canada builds its own wall.

      Delete
    2. If their smart, they've already started.

      Delete
    3. I heard they're building a wall!

      Delete
  3. lmao I'm sooooo glad I live up here. Your presidential race is a big laughing stock of the world. We really need to build a wall to keep Trump out. Americans are actually coming to NS after some weird site idea made fun and took off. Just visiting for now it seems.

    It's the 16th not the 15th, Twitter presidential bashing is already screwing up your publishing dates, soon you'll be a 50 trillion dollars in debt too, slippery slope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The difference in date is probably just a conversion problem. We're not on the metric system.

      Delete
    2. We here in the US thought it was hilarious at first, too, until none of us did anything about it and those who did got their votes tossed out via voter fraud, so now it's just a sobering reality. You need some roommates? We each have a shitload of animals, but you already have a shitload of animals, so... what's 9 more?

      And we were going to post this on the 15th but after 24 hours of drinking ourselves into a coma over the depressing state of the nation I guess we forgot to hit post.

      Delete
    3. lol well there are 12 cats and 2 dogs where I'm at now, so 9 more would just blend in.

      Delete
  4. Looking at the contest from way over in Ireland, they're both mad!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meanwhile, we need all the beer in Ireland just to put up with it firsthand.

      Delete
  5. I think "delete your account" wins. There's a subtlety there that most people miss.

    And then there's the part where Trump has made it a regular practice since the 90s to delete all of his email throughout his entire company each year so that it's not available in case of lawsuits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you calling Future President Trump™ a hypocrite? Because that's the kind of comment that can get you beyond sued after he's done deleting this month's batch of emails.

      Delete
    2. I don't think hypocrite quite covers it.
      Besides, if he doesn't win, he's going to sue the whole country.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. We're not familiar with his policies, but I'm assuming Modi doesn't spend his days talking shit to people on Twitter and threatening to sue everyone.

      Delete
    2. No but he does have suits with his name almost microscopically written all over them. I saw it in Martin World News once...

      Delete
    3. You... were not kidding about that. Obama kinda looks jealous that he doesn't have suits like that.

      [im]http://media2.intoday.in/indiatoday/images/stories/modi-fabric_650_012615020224.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  7. My English and Irish relatives have been following this on TV religiously since the whole thing started. They said it's the best reality show on television.

    I'm waiting for Donald to announce Vince McMahon as his choice for VP. It needs to happen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the Vice President of the United States."

      [im]http://0.media.dorkly.cvcdn.com/19/31/0b7ec9058f391c1a417e712cc46746b9.gif[/im]

      Delete
    2. Think how much more exciting the state of union speeches would be. Everyone would have their own theme song.

      Delete
    3. Plus, who wouldn't want to see various world leaders getting RKOd?

      Delete
  8. Canada here: welcome to our fellow Americans, but leave your guns at home boys, the rules here are they take them at the border if you bring them. We are diverse, and grumble about whatever: bike lines, immigration, gentrification, is Trudeau's hair going to outlast all those Conservatives trying to make him turn grey, like them and their policies? I hope all the smart voters are going to get out and vote, but there's not a heck of a lot of choice, is there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But what am I going to do with my 57 pistols, assault rifles, and rocket launchers? They'll be so lonely if I leave them here.

      Contrary to popular belief, we do have a lot of smart voters here, but when you're caught between a Turd Sandwich and a Giant Douche it's really hard to make your vote count.

      Delete
  9. I'm hoping for the long shot: that The Donald is just doing a huge troll. Come voting day, he's going to say it was one big joke, drop out, and let Hilary go unchallenged by him. Though Mich makes a point about theme songs.
    [im]http://wittybitches.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Donald-Trump-Twitter-June-2015-Liberal-Troll.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Troll or no troll, I don't know if letting Hillary waltz in there is going to make things any better.

      [im]http://nebula.wsimg.com/7b2c01a4ac35f3a9ba588acfb51bff52?AccessKeyId=9085F2B641B3CB554429&disposition=0&alloworigin=1[/im]

      Delete
    2. Christine, I've actually heard that theory from a lot of people over the last couple months. Given his antics thus far, I would not be surprised if Trump dropped out to let Hilary win. Which would really upset me, because I am super excited about the theme songs.

      Delete
  10. I'm visiting Canada next month, so maybe I'll go house hunting while I'm up there. Also, I can't wait for the debates. They'll probably last about 20 seconds before turning into WWE Smackdown. Hilary should just appoint John Cena as her running mate now to get it out of the way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe if instead of the debates they did Game of Thrones' trial by combat I'd actually watch. Watching John Cena fight The Undertaker to the death as a way of deciding the next president would make for amazing television.

      Delete
    2. Now that's the best idea I've read all year! Oh wait... trial by combat, with competing theme songs!

      Delete
    3. Especially if it ends with making the bad man (or woman) fly!

      [im]https://media3.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/05/19/716/n/1922283/6179d0a396325088_GoTFall.xxxlarge.gif[/im]

      Delete
  11. I was trying to come up with a funny comment....but the fact that these two really our our presidential candidates is a punch line no one can top.

    If I wasn't laughing, I'd realize one of these idjits was going to be president, and then I'd cry.

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like The Bee Gees song I Started A Joke, all come to life.

      I started a joke which started the whole world crying
      But I didn't see that the joke was on me oh no
      I started to cry which started the whole world laughing
      Oh if I'd only seen that the joke was on me

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq6YmSVAOG8

      Delete
  12. Everyone's making the "america's going to shit let's move to canada" joke, but imagine if people actually did. Even just 5% of the population suddenly packing up and leaving would be a huge statement that'd leave whoever got voted the lesser poison sweating to say the least.
    "But moving is so much effort, I don't know anyone in Canada, etc."
    If your country sucks, it's time to bail. It's that simple. Blind patriotism can only get you so far.

    Also hey, politics haven't changed. The medium has. Shit-flinging has always happened when attention-whore-y candidates were involved, why would 2016 be any different? It's just that the two biggest players are now on that level which, well, can only be indicative of a broader decline in public sanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, if only 5% of us were that dedicated, but what we lack in common sense, we more than make up for in laziness. If things truly got bad enough I think we'd bail. I'd rather not see the US become a third world country firsthand.

      And it's true, politics hasn't changed. That little exchange between John Quincy Adams and Andrew Jackson is totally true. It's considered one of the dirtiest elections in history. John Quincy Adams had the media publish, among other things, that Jackson's mother was a common prostitute, that his father was a 'mulatto' (which made him a half breed), and that his wife was an adulteress whore.

      Delete
  13. I don't like anyone this year. Well . . . I do like regular people, don't get me wrong. But as far as presidential candidates, there's nothing to like. And I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that we have a candidate who is somehow eligible to run for office while under Federal investigation. I always think, "In the real world, with real people, if this were me, I'd be in jail so fast." But somehow . . . nope.

    BUT—my favorite part of this post? MARTIN VAN BURRRRRRNNNNNNNNN! I was laughing so hard at that, I almost couldn't finish reading the post. And then I went back up to it just to look at it again and howl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We usually don't talk politics on the blog, so as not to annoy people or insight arguments, but in this one case I think it's unanimously the year that both candidates are lousy choices. Might as well score a few good jokes off of it before the ship goes down in flames.

      And poor MVB, if he was alive today his name would be so much cooler than it was back then.

      Delete
  14. I do love the broken eggs on Trump's head...seems to improve his coiffe. Geez...we Canucks started and finished in like what, 7 weeks, bringing pretty boy into power...aka Justin Trudeau while this U.S game show is still flinging dirt. Actually I think both should go on that game stunt show, Wipeout. I would watch that for sure. I hope people vote and just think of the lesser of 2 evils. This would mean Hilary would be in which is better than Schtump

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Picking the lesser of 2 evils is still like asking whether you want a hammer to the nuts or a hammer to the kneecap. Just because I'm saving my goody bag, it doesn't mean I'm thrilled about being handicapped.

      Delete
    2. Yes...that's true so maybe you can vote for the Green Party..oops that's our go to vote up here when we don't know who to vote for.

      Delete
  15. Maybe we could all contribute spare pennies, put them all together, and send 'Stump' and 'Corpse Bride' to Mars... they talk enough shit and are big enough gasbags to create both an atmosphere and fertile soil for us to take advantage of. Okay, ruin.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That might be the most practical use of tax payer money I've ever heard. Are you sure you don't want to be president? You seem to be just as qualified, if not more, than everybody else running.

      Delete
  16. I love your characterization of Trump. That is the very best version of his hair that I have seen. You guys are a riot.

    I, too don't like either "choice" and agree that people seemed to think that Trump's candidacy was some sort of a joke in the beginning. Probably the world viewers thought it was some type of reality show that kept getting renewed. If only???

    BTW..Loving the comments and your responses. If this wasn't such a shit storm in reality this would be really hilarious.





    As for people actually moving to Canada...don't see that happening either. As you pointed out A. it would take effort to pack up all our sh** and B. People would rather stay put and just have something to bitch about, C. If we moved we would all have to learn the metric system.





    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, the funny thing that I found about Trump while researching pictures and caricatures for me to go off of, is that no matter how unflattering you make the drawing, it's never worse than the real thing. Politics and personality aside, Trump is just a very unpleasant looking man. He's like this with bad hair.

      [im]http://media.mnn.com/assets/images/2010/08/blobfish.jpg.638x0_q80_crop-smart.jpg[/im]

      Also, I wouldn't mind the metric system. Or watching hockey instead of football. Or riding a moose to work*. I just couldn't deal with the Canadian beer. Sorry, Canucks, but it'll take more than Molson to quench our thirst.

      *we assume this is how Canadians get around

      Delete
    2. Again, I am LAUGHING... Yes, the above likeness is pretty "right on!" I think you are really a very kind person to use the term "unpleasant" in describing Trump. He is one ugly man and the fact he thinks he's handsome just slays me.

      All I can say is that money must form a cloud of illusion around the face of ugly men because there is no way this guy would ever in a million years have a model for a wife if he didn't have piles of cash (or potentially big hands)

      As for the metric system...I could learn it I suppose, although I might need a remedial class. I would relish the idea of telling people that I weigh 54,(although I get that that's 54 kg.) Still... It makes me sound smaller than I am in the U.S. I could only hope that the moose that would be responsible for hauling me to work, hasn't heard the rumors how obese we all are.

      Delete
  17. But what really tees me off. We have to put up with it all too. If only you could make your decision quickly and not subject the rest of the world to this revolting media frenzy of insults. Do come to Canada.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With election day being all the way in November, it seems like we're all going to have to deal with this mess for at least another 5 months. I don't know if my heart or my brain can take it. Good thing I'll have some of that fantastic Canadian healthcare waiting for me to help patch me up.

      Delete
  18. My head hurts. I might have to return to Migraine City.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Come next January, when the winner is sworn in, I think we're all going to be official members of Migraine City.

      Delete
  19. Sadly, Twitter speak will be the only way those kids can communicate.
    Van Buren is Wolverine? That explains a lot...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They glamorize him in films by giving him hair and making him young and leaving out that he was 8th president of the United States, but you know how movies are.

      Delete
  20. All kidding aside (which I wasn't doing in the reply to the comment above, either) this was one of your most creative and innovative posts ever. And you didn't have to sacrifice historic facts to do it! I am in awe. Awe is kinda slimy, though, and I may have to go shower soon. Will a Leinie's Canoe Paddler work?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Make it a Summer Shandy and you've got yourself a deal. And thank you, truly! We're especially flattered considering it's something we just kind of threw together last minute. Copy and paste is so much easier than drawing... this has been fully noted for next time.

      Delete
  21. Bring goose down parkas and arctic-grade winter boots! You boys are always welcome in Edmonton, Alberta. We didn't even get down to -40º ONCE last winter. Global warming, eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It gets down to zero degrees maybe once a year here, so I'm pretty sure we can handle one of your wimpy Canadian winters.

      Delete
    2. Yeah but I think they use Celcius in Canada. Not sure if that makes it better or worse. #toolazytoogoogleit

      Delete
    3. Strange-but-true, little-known weather trivia fact! The Celsius and Fahrenheit temperature scales converge and are the same at only ONE temperature: -40º

      Delete
    4. So regardless, it ultimately comes down to two choices. Freeze to death, or live under Donald Trump's command. Kind of a no brainer. Frostbite really grows on you, I hear.

      Delete
  22. "Delete your account"? What the heck was that supposed to mean?

    I could see if someone said, " Shut up" or even "Go %&%## yourself", but "Delete your account" sounds like something you actually expect the other person to do. Is that supposed to work? You just wave two fingers in the air, "Delete you account. These aren't the tweets you're looking for."

    She really needs to work on her snappy comebacks.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess it's an online slang kind of thing that's supposed to be the weak, digital equivalent of go kill yourself. Kids use it sometimes. It's just a pretty sad attempt by Hillary Clinton to look young and relevant.

      [im]http://img.ifcdn.com/images/4f90865c39cce5abb1ba1d587c436145de1be5f5d4a54943a77757b2ad03324f_1.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  23. Love the Wolverine comment. This was a very funny post, but the reality of it all is so sad.

    It's interesting watching what's going on from the outside looking in. I've been avoiding everything government. I don't discuss with anyone except my husband. Anything that has to do with the presidency, I hide on Facebook, and I stay off social media. Why? Because the entire system makes me so angry. But now you did it, guys! You unleashed me.

    First, as long as the U.S. continues with only 2 parties, we will forever be running in circles. Second, It's unfair that in order for you to vote in the primaries, you have to claim a party. That's bullshit to me. Because I'm not a party voter, I have to rely on fucktards to choose the nominees. Third, as long as people keep saying, "I want someone with experience", we will never move forward since supposedly we've been voting for people with 'experience' and it's gotten us nowhere. Fourth, as long as Americans continue to let their patriotism override their criticism of the system, and not demand change, we will continue to go into a downward spin.

    I felt the Bern. I didn't agree with everything he thought, but he was the guy for me. Why? Because he was the only nominee running for presidency in MY LIFETIME that actually thought outside the box. He saw what wasn't working in our country and looked to see what was working in other countries. That is a intelligent person. That is someone who can admit failure and is willing to change it. People think if you criticize the U.S. government you're a traitor. It's idiotic thinking. We all criticize family, but that doesn't mean we don't love our family.

    One thing is for sure, Hillary or Trump, I'm glad to be living in Germany. If Trump does win, we will see a lot of executive decisions, and the U.S. will be very isolated. Some people say, "good, we don't care what anyone thinks", but the fact is, standing alone without support isn't going to help the U.S. For things to work, countries need allies among other things. How the world views the U.S. has definitely been tainted during this election.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, thanks for the long, well thought out comment! We look forward to it degrading into name calling and pointless arguing! (Oh wait, this isn't Facebook. Never mind)

      The 2 party system annoys us too. Not just because you have to register with one, but because then it becomes 2 definitive sides. US or THEM. US, of course, we're the good guys. THEM are the bad guys. Your ideas are what's going to save the world, and their ideas are going to destroy it. People really seem to think that those on the other side are willfully destroying their own country, as if they're some kind of supervillain. They're not. We're all in this together. We can't treat this as "we need to beat them", we need to treat this as, "we need to find a compromise that we can mostly agree on."

      Also, with these two parties, if you're in one, then you have to be ALL in. You're a democrat? You HAVE to support abortion for all. You're a republican? You HAVE to support guns for all. What about people who have milder views? Or views from both sides? What happens to them?

      Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like out of all the democratic countries in the world, the US has the most incessant squabbling when it comes to sides. And I feel like this is how people like Trump and Hillary get pushed to the front of the line (you're telling us there's not one single person in the US more qualified and better suited than either of them?) and it's how nothing in this country ever seems to get fixed.

      And now, since that comment was way too serious, here's a picture of an astronaut arguing heatedly with an Arabian horse (I assume they're arguing politics).

      [im]http://img.izismile.com/img/img7/20140513/640/weird_stock_photos_that_make_absolutely_no_sense_640_26.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  24. Oh, Bryan, you have touched upon one of my favorite topics: politics. You know I'm a political junkie. I can't seem to help myself. This political season has been like a horrible car accident you can't look away from. I long for the days when the presidency meant no Twitter, no Facebook, no Snapchats, and no stupid SNL skits or late night appearances in an attempt to seem relevant. I want the president to be presidential again. Not cool and one of us. They aren't one of us, never have been and aren't supposed to be, they're the damn president. Okay, rant over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If it's any consolation, neither Hillary nor Trump will ever be one of us. One is an old, out of touch woman trying way too hard to be cool (she's not, nor will she ever be) and the other is a rich asshole who blows his nose with $100 dollar bills. I don't think either of them will ever become relatable, no matter how many lame SNL appearances they make.

      Delete
  25. Maury Povich for president 2020! I'd just rather have a president that's not afraid to go out in the wind or get near the presidential chopper:
    [im]http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/donald-trump-funny-look-alike-22__700.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Thanks to the Free Paternity Clinic of 2020, more than 8 million Americans have discovered 'who dat baby daddy is', leading to the highest accuracy of child support in all of history."

      Delete
  26. The jokers are the scariest, everyone has a laugh at them then votes them in. We have our own buffoon in the UK called Boris who could very well be our next prime minister.

    BTW does the word "Trump" mean the same across the Atlantic as it does here?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Does your Boris spend his time hunting for moose and squirrel?

      Over here Trump means bad hair, bankruptcy, and fish lips. I'm curious what it means on your side of the pond.

      Delete
    2. "Trump" is a word we teach to children to describe breaking wind instead of saying the more vulgar word "fart".

      Eg."I just trumped and it smells bad"

      Delete
    3. I think the whole country Trumped and it smells godawful.

      Delete
  27. Seems like it used to be that the primary rolled around, you voted, and you could sort of forget about it for a while until the push again a few months before the general election. Now, they gear up and badger you for long time before the primary (six months?)... so long that you're really sick of it all before the actual primary. And you can't believe that the general election is still a year off and it isn't going to stop. It will not stop for an entire year.

    It reminds me of how they used to put the Christmas decorations out in stores right after Thanksgiving. Now it's after Halloween. I'm thinking that a day will come when it's after the 4th of July. Or they just leave them out all year long. I really don't know. But, they seem determined to make us sick of the whole darn thing. I used to love to see them come after Thanksgiving. But, when they started coming out after Halloween, I was like "Oh no. This isn't right."

    And that's how I feel about this election stuff. Social media only makes it worse. We don't want to know their thoughts on everything. We really don't. We don't want to anyone's thoughts on everything. It's annoying. It makes me wonder if this election will produce the largest or lowest voter turnout in history? If the vote happened tomorrow, it could be the largest. But... after listening to months and months and months of them go at each other in every format possible, who will even care? Will anyone think either of them fit for POTUS? Does anyone now?

    The Donald could sway a whole bunch of people simply by getting a haircut. He could at least prove that he's not lying about his lack of hair any longer. That would be a start.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a great analogy. I can only imagine how many people are going to be burned out by Election Day. If I had to bet, I'd bet that voter turnout will be its lowest. I know plenty of people who won't vote simply because they don't support either candidate. Or the numerous Bernie supporters, who are angry that his numbers were intentionally destroyed by corruption and voter fraud and won't support Hillary out of principle. So this year I think it's not just about the lesser of two evils, I think it's about seeing who can actually get people out to the voting booths willingly.

      And now that shaving your head is considered cool, I'm surprised Donald doesn't just do that. Or maybe that's a terrible idea.

      [im]http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/aNnQKor_700b.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  28. A local state house primary race just finished in my wife's old district where she used to live before we got married. About four years ago some guy (a republican in a very republican district) was state rep for many years. He voted the "wrong way" on one issue and the local Tea Party leadership backed another candidate and he lost his primary by a large margin. He was the RINO (republican in name only) and the new person (some lady) was the messiah sent by the ghost of Ronald Reagan himself.

    So fast forward to a few days ago and she lost her primary race. Tea party leadership backed another candidate and she lost her primary. She was a RINO and the new guy was the messiah sent by Ronald Reagan himself. Mainly because she asked for bi-partisan support on a bill nobody cared about.

    I can't wait for four years from now to see the same thing happen again because American politics has gotten to a level of insanity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to know the Tea Party is still a source of logic and reason. And that Ronald Reagan is still helping us all from beyond the grave. I look forward to Future President Trump™ making calls like that all. The. Time.

      "You voted against this bill? You're fired!"
      *audience toothlessly cheers*

      Delete
  29. Politicians have been slinging mud since the beginning, but it does make it more immediate with social media. I think it was the Election of 1800 that Jefferson called Adams a hermaphrodite and Adams tried to spread a rumor that Jefferson had died so no one would vote for him. Heh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's so idiotically genius. You really can't make that kind of thing up.

      "Millions elect dead man! Zombie Jefferson to make official statement later today."

      Delete
  30. I might go to Mexico seeing as how Donald will build a wall to keep what's left of 'merkins (like the ones in your post) from invading Mexico. If the Canadians were smart they'd build a wall, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Really, we need to just cut the head off of the snake and build a wall around Donald Trump. For all of the money he has, he doesn't look like a very strong climber.

      Delete
  31. I think you mean Martin Van Buren IS Wolverine. No one is quite sure how old that guy is at this point. He could very well have been the first Canadian VP. I guess that in a few election cycles (probably as early as the next one) there will be less attack ads on TV because they'll all be trading barbs on Twitter.

    I just hope that whoever takes over the POTUS account doesn't change the password and Obama just trolls them by "hacking" the account in the future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's some theory in there about Marvin Van Buren getting a hair transplant and living under the name Hugh Jackman but I'm just not ready to make it.

      No matter who wins, we can look forward to the POTUS account being terrible. Either it'll be full of feeble 'trying to be cool' tweets or it'll just be a troll account used to talk endless shit to 'h8rs'.

      Delete
  32. I'm going to deeply research the Libertarian guy.
    Hate Hillary.
    Can't stand Trump.

    Also, I'm moving to China in October, soooo... Communism is actually sounding like the better option.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Plus, you know, they already make everything there, so it really cuts out the middle man when it comes to shipping.

      Delete
  33. I'm not surprised one bit. Not one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So we trust that come November, Mr. Trump can count on your vote? And if he cannot, we trust that you've retained a lawyer for when he sues you?

      Delete
  34. Crap, I'm trying again because the graphic I posted got cut off. Oy vey. And my comment was so good. I'll try to repeat it: You guys are the best and ever inspiring. Thanks for the riotous laughs. Makes me think of all the sex play Harding, Woodrow, and Pierce could've tweeted. And I'm moving to Australia, where the men are more likely than Candadians to be half black from the waist down. Now if I can find and post a funny properly I shall.
    Have a great weekend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your artwork is so good, I couldn't figure out if that's Hillary or Mick Jagger or...Chucky?
      [im]http://img.ifcdn.com/images/ebaddecc4b15c098c2f12a3eaef77aef350c2cbe973d78706e7f91118c8e59f3_1.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Ha, that's a good one! But I still think Hillary's more terrifying.

      Also, I always thought she looked like the Joker. Or maybe the Joker's grandma.
      [im]http://www.quotesfrenzy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Life-Inspiration-Quotes-Hillary-Clinton-Totally-Looks-Like.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    3. Whoa! I hate to sound stupid, but is the real Hillary on the right or left? You know, I'm not convinced she doesn't have a bunch of stunt-doubles. Check this out:
      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/67/ee/a5/67eea5edeacc853ae23b160c5b6cb63a.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    4. These lookalike pic things are way too much fun.

      [im]http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/adpOOR9_460s.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    5. Oh my...too funny! I almost posted this comparison but it didn't have the caption. So glad I didn't. This one is fuckin priceless!

      Delete
  35. Now, I've seen negative campaigns before. In Australia we were fed up for two terms because election campaigns were all about why the other party was bad and there was nothing about what good things their own party would do. This is some next-level shit. There's nothing about policy, competency or even democracy. This is just two people in freshman year partaking in malicious name-calling.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome to American politics. At least you guys did something about it. We just kind of expect it now. A good majority encourage it. Hell, most people that want Trump love that he 'tells it like it is', which really just means he says asshole things, publicly.

      [im]http://img.wonkette.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/trumpobama.png[/im]

      Delete
    2. Actually I wouldn't be surprised if Trump was right about that one :(

      Delete
  36. I'm so torn. I go from feeling amused from all the shenanigans these two are entertaining us with to feeling the horror of the reality for the job they're both up for. That being said, those tweets were great for a laughter, I hadn't seen them before. Mr. Toupe did win that one lol

    Also, also . . . Van Buren was the original Wolverine??? I love it! LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have to figure that if you're going to get into an insult battle with a guy who has hair that bad, that he's already going to be armed to the teeth with insults of his own.

      Also, it's a damn shame that no one remembers Van Buren's accomplishments. Things like Obamacare and trickle-down economics are nothing compared to the Adamantium Skeleton.

      Delete
  37. Not once have I thought oddly about the fact that the presidential candidates were talking shit via Twitter. That is messed up. I don't even use Twitter.
    That's hilarious though! Also the history humor ones. Love those history Facebook memes.
    https://goo.gl/images/UQRdoO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is why our Twitter is a bit of a graveyard. Twitter's either people shouting out into the void or fighting back and forth in single, poorly spelled sentences.

      Those history Facebook memes are always great. Maybe we've started the Twitter equivalent. Or... probably not.

      Delete
  38. Can "I know you are, but what am I?" be far behind?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just waiting for the 'no u'.

      [im]https://images.encyclopediadramatica.se/thumb/b/bf/NO_U.jpg/180px-NO_U.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  39. Can "I know you are, but what am I?" be far behind?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just waiting for the 'no u'.

      [im]http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/trollpasta/images/0/04/No_u.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140412201201[/im]

      Delete
  40. Can "I know you are, but what am I?" be far behind?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm just waiting for the 'no u'.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/GcTZeZw.gif[/im]

      Delete
  41. I wish the children would play nice. I am voting for Sheldon Cooper. The White House will be germ free, organized and ran by someone with intelligence.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At this point I think we'd both vote Peter Griffin before the other two choices.

      Delete
  42. It's a sad state of affairs. And I live in PA that consistently finishes in the top three most corrupt state governments. I have to admit, our choices for governor have never been as shitty as our choices for president this year. Can't we just throw out our two choices and start over again?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I USED to live in PA, but has become as corrupt as you mention.
      That's what happens when the WRONG people KEEP getting elected there, because they promise the most free stuff (that costs taxpayers more every year).
      Good point made.
      Stay safe.

      Delete
    2. After our state unanimously nominated Bernie over Hillary, our governor gave us the finger and said publicly that he would vote however he damn well pleased. Nice to know that government officials, even at that level, don't give one shit about representing their people. Only themselves.

      Delete
  43. B&B:
    Again, you've practice that "sight beyond sight" to get to the core matter.
    And you didn't disappoint one damn bit.
    Love the cartoons, too.
    I don't know if CANADA is any better, but at this rate, it can't be any WORSE, eh?
    (pass that back bacon).

    Excellent post.

    Stay safe out there in mile-high country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I think I could get used to hockey and poutine. It would take a while to adapt to all of that politeness, but I'd be willing to give it a try.

      Delete
  44. It's gonna get bad I think. The mug slinging is far from over.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They should just put on boxing gloves and get it over with.

      Delete
  45. LMAO about the centuries-ago Twitter insults! That's fucking fantastic. As you know, I work in advocacy, so social media is a necessary evil and can be a good thing...but I miss the era before it and so much noise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we assume your social media activity isn't full of shit like this, and that part of your day doesn't consist of, "Can anyone think of a killer burn?"

      Delete
  46. Aw man, I feel like i'm late to the party on this post! Ok, not to be alll "this is trumps fault!" but..... thisistrumpsfault. I really do believe that if any of the other clowns had won the nomination, they wouldnt be engaging in twitter wars will their opponent. I think he's single handedly making our culture devolve way way way faster that it otherwise would have. (I mean yes, we were heading in that direction anyway, but he really hit the gas on it.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. If Ted Cruz had won, for example, he wouldn't be talking shit. No, he'd be continuing his work as the Zodiac Killer and he'd take care of Hillary in his murder dungeon (I assume).

      Delete
    2. I will NEVER get tired of ted cruz zodiac killer jokes.

      Delete