Wednesday, June 22, 2016

#11 - Never Ask A Woman If She's Okay




117 comments:

  1. "NO I'M FINE!!!!!!!!!!" is what I'm used to

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    1. If a woman says she's fine, then you'd better buckle yourself in tight for one hell of a verbal beating.

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  2. 'Are you okay?'
    'Ugh, I'm fine...'
    'Okay then, see you!'

    Panel 7 actually looks really good. More of that which is probably going to cost double the time! (Seriously though, nice job on the shading there, really makes it stand out.)

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    1. Oh, my sweet summer child, if only a conversation with an angry woman could end that easily. Think of it like a giant spider web. You can't leave, and the harder you struggle and thrash around, the less likely you are to make it out alive.

      Maybe one day we'll do a single panel comic, and just draw our asses off. Well, as long as we don't end up with a single panel comic like this.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ed/c3/c5/edc3c5b1f8e66f0ee6200273406ee5a7.jpg[/im]
      (American newspaper comic strips are godawful)

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  3. lmao the whole mind reading gets old fast. Just say what it is, poof, much faster to fix it, instead of having it drag out for days or bleed out and die from a piano falling on you.

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    1. If only it was that easy. To date, I've been in 1,387 arguments. Only in 6 of those did I understand the problem and/or what I did wrong.

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    2. wow, you keep track. Now that is a task and a half.

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  4. Ha! Women like that drive me batty. I've been told I talk like a guy because I'm blunt. I think I talk like a person who doesn't want to play mind games.
    [im]http://funnyand.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Playing-Mind-Games.jpg[/im]

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    1. Oh snap!
      [im]http://i.imgur.com/fqrJUCI.gif[/im]

      Consider yourself and your husband very lucky in that regard. My wife isn't THAT bad, but we still have some moments where it feels like I'm taking a pop quiz instead of having an argument.

      "Okay, I want you to tell me WHY I'm mad. You should know this. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock. And begin."
      A) You forgot to take out the trash.
      B) You didn't compliment my new haircut.
      C) You didn't even notice that I got a haircut.
      D) All of the above.
      Me: I would like to phone a friend.

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  5. Amen! They just can't tell you what's wrong. Their inability to actually say it has resulted in many divorces. If you're not a mind reader best not get married!

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    1. Well, I'm already married, but since I'm not a mind reader I guess I couldn't have seen that coming, amirite?

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  6. I try to play her game and tell her I'm fine as well. That only makes it worse...

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    1. I kinda wonder if a lesbian argument is just two women saying variations of "I'm FINE" back and forth until they just get exhausted.

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  7. What were we thinking, they can be a little crazy!

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    1. I guess it's that damn "love" thing that keeps bringing me back for more.

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  8. Okay, now hear it from a woman who is constantly managing hormones that have nothing to do with what is happening and 90% to do with internal chemistry. I know I'm not that bad, but there are days when I hold my tongue because no one wants to hear what will come out. We all have those days, right? But not while being crushed by a piano. Crazy woman.

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    1. I imagine that the feeling of all of those raging hormones is much like being crushed by a piano. I can't relate to either, but I can definitely sympathize.

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    2. LOL. Well sympathy is better than nothing. But not better than cheese. *hands a wedge over*

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  9. This post was fine. There was nothing wrong with it. It was fine.

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  10. It's the double standard of double standards.

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    1. Well, if a man was crushed by a piano, he'd just say he was okay and to let him walk it off. Even if he no longer had legs.

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    2. Definitely wouldn't need to go to the hospital. He'd just be waiting in the emergency room for 3 hours anyway. He'll grab a beer and sleep it off.

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    3. "Yeah, dude, don't be a pussy." - Every guy within a 500 foot radius of him

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  11. So very true. My husband likes to say, "I'm not a mind reader." Well why not? He should be. All men should be! Life gets much better for couples when men realize that "I'm fine" means you better ask me about a dozen more times until I actually tell you what's wrong. Or, just give me a hug and tell me you love me. Whichever.

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    1. I'm no mind reader but I tried to use a magic 8 ball once and my wife was not happy with the answer 'try again later'.

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    2. I have made of all of my decisions in life guided by the Magic 8 Ball, and I swear by the results!


      Er... I meant to say that "I swear AT the results".
      I'm so discouraged that I'm even thinking of asking the Magic 8 Ball if I should continue making life decisions based on its answers.

      ~ D-FensDogG
      'Loyal American Underground'

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    3. If your Magic 8 Ball starts to crap out on you, this guy's always a very acceptable substitute.

      [im]https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3095/2796606210_8d890553ac.jpg[/im]

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  12. Ken and I have been together for 25 years. I'm not one of those "I'm fine." type of women. If I have a problem or he's done something wrong, I let him know. Communication is the key and I've tried telling that to my brother who's been married 5 times but he doesn't seem to get it. lol

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    1. Brother: Hey, how are you today, honey?
      Wife: Ugh, I'm FINE.
      Brother: Oh god it's happening again!
      *DIVORCE*

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  13. You heterosexual people crack me up, you really do. In lesbian relationships, we process EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. FEELING. AND. EMOTION. AD. INFINITUM. Over and over again. For years and years. Decades, really, if you have the stamina for it. That's what it's like with two women together. Count your blessings.

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    1. At least both of you are equally prepared. Every time I argue with the wife I feel like I'm bringing a knife to a gunfight. Also, that gun is a rocket launcher.

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  14. You men have your emo tricks when you're upset, so do women. Women do not forget, find it hard to forgive, and have a mind like a lawyer for your past transgressions. The reason for the 'x - men' is because they didn't measure up, or possibly were driven to insanity trying to determine where the female mind is coming from. This is called Relationships 101.
    Isn't it interesting the nuances that can come from 'Fine!'?

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    1. We men sure do. I contemplated drawing the men's version too, but didn't have enough time. It would have been something along the lines of insisting he's okay and denying he had any problems whatsoever until he just died. You know, bottling up all of his problems. And all of that internal bleeding.

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    2. Maybe that's where that saying 'I've got blood in my eye for you' came from - the internal bleeding. . .(that's a blues song, btw)

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    3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX_5YOuCT6A
      (Great song)

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  15. Oh come on, any man who has been in a long-term relationship with a woman should know the drill. If she seems upset, but says she's fine, give her some chocolate and distract her with something shiny (gold, jewels, a puppy, a car, etc.) She can't berate you while her mouth is full of chocolate, and by distracting her with gifts, you may help her forget she was mad at you in the first place. And even if she doesn't forget about it entirely, she just may save the verbal beating for the next time you get into an argument. Putting off the inevitable - the pillar of a healthy relationship!

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    1. And what if she's on a diet and shoving chocolate in her mouth - something she can't have - would just make her angrier?

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    2. Not if the chocolate has been laced with Valium...but you didn't hear that from me...

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  16. I could say all manner of things about how "fine" has been used and misused in conversation to the peril of many. But, I think you've made the point quite clearly.

    Instead, I've going to tell you what this comic made me think of... which is deviating rather far from the mark. But, that is how my brain works. I think I've told you that I adored the show Ally McBeal when it was on. If not, I adored the show Ally McBeal when it was on. I thought the cases were clever and all too often really dug into the core of human nature at its best/worst. Plus the characters on that show. OMG, the characters.

    But, anyway, in this episode they have this client who is in the midst of an ugly divorce. I can't remember the specifics of why they were divorcing (been too long), but she was pissed. And when I say pissed, I mean severely pissed. They are trying to mediate this thing, but they can't get anywhere because "somehow" his grand piano was dropped out of the window of their house onto his sports car. As you might imagine, his two most prized possessions on this earth were the grand piano and the sports car, one now smashed by the other.

    I'm not precisely sure what I'm trying to say with this story. Maybe you shouldn't allow yourself to be too wrapped up in your things. Or maybe you can bleed out without actually having the piano fall directly on you. Or maybe you really shouldn't make someone so mad that they want to throw a piano out the window (again, on you or what you love most). Or maybe that our capacity to hurt one another is infinite and we get really clever about how to go about it, so we've actually reduced our vocabulary to "fine" to stem the bleeding. I really don't know.

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    1. I never saw that episode. Or that show. Or know anything about the show. I guess that wasn't of any real use to you.

      I thought the lesson here was that the woman in the comic blatantly disregarded the 'piano crossing' sign posted on the side of the street, damn well knowing that that is the piano's natural habitat and she was wandering directly toward the mother's nest.

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    2. Frankly, I would do all I could to keep from angering a woman capable of throwing my grand piano out the window onto my car below.

      (That would definitely NOT be the "Gorilla My Dreams", though she might well be a gorilla).

      ~ D-FensDogG

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  17. Amazingly enough, that might be Laurie and I if I was the one under the piano...

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    1. I feel like that would be a great euphemism for having a one-sided argument with your other half. "Can you give me a break, here? I am totally under the piano on this one."

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  18. B&B:
    Funny, I don't seem to have that problem with Wifey.
    Maybe after 19 years, she's become "defective"?

    I'm not getting all my RECALL memos...LOL.

    Good post.
    Stay safe out there, guys.

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    1. You're really missing out then. We'd suggest you return her, but after 19 years I'm sure the warranty's expired. Plus, you know, the whole attachment thing.

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  19. I'm totally fine at how you've protrayed women here. Fine. Absolutely fine with it... Hahaha

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    1. If it's any consolation, the male version would have been just as bad. That's the beauty of equality.

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  20. Hmm, now see, my first impulse would be to interpret this is as you just coming upon this woman being crushed by the piano as just a causual bystander, as just another stranger on the street. But you seem like you're on pretty familar terms with the piano lady. She addresses you as though she knows she and she's been exasperated for a long time by your habits.

    Therefore I must reevaluate the scene and conclude that thus is someone you were in a relationship with (I say "were" because it's clear that she didn't walk away from this piano incident.) Looked at in that light, it appears in the opening panels that she's walking on ahead of you, probably miffed about something that you did at home that morning (God only know what.) And, what's worse, her being miffed and walking on ahead has put her in the path of this falling piano. If it wasn't for you pissing her off that morning, she wouldn't have been steaming on ahead. It's all your fault, and with her dying breath she's cursing and blaming you in her thoughts. And you have the nerve, the NERVE, I say, to ask if she's okay!!!!??? *sigh* What are we going to do with you? When are you going to learn?

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    1. Some might say that it's a bit of a coincidence that she ran ahead of me and got the piano. Maybe the piano was meant for me, but it fell on her. Maybe she took my piano as her metaphorical burden. And I guess a very physical one.

      "But there was only 1 set of bloody foot prints on the concrete. I thought you abandoned me."
      "Never, my child. That was when I carried you... to the ER. They couldn't save your legs, though. What? I'm not Jesus."

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  21. Oh, you're daring to start that one! My favorite line after being married 34 years, "Do whatever you want, honey, you're a big boy and can make up your own mind."
    Some politicians might be accused of war against women but you exhibit a special kind of bravery.

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    1. Oh yes, that's a good one! "Do whatever you want" means "Choose what you do next VERY carefully because it may ultimately decide whether or not I change the locks while you're gone."

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  22. I don't do that, does it make me unusual? I state loud and clear what's wrong and heaven help you if you don't assist me then. Otherwise, I'm fine.

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    1. Uh oh, are you fine, or are you "fine"?

      [im]https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s480x480/e35/12424419_220064175023815_1222632662_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTIxOTA3NDc5ODAxMzgyNDA5NA%3D%3D.2.l[/im]

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  23. Ahhh Yes, The "I'm Fine" bit only tells the sad silly man that all is not fine and then we watch as the sad silly man tries, in vain, to figure out what he has done wrong. We know he never will. If only you would watch the soaps and see what women love when being wooed..oh wait that is not reality! Reality is once a man gets comfortable in the relationship, he smiles at you, farts and continues to watch TV and doesn't notice that you have been crying about the doormat that flew away in the wind. All we want is a hug. OK this sounds a bit psychotic but we can handle all the crap mother nature gave us ...by abusing you,,,ok that didn't sound right. Actually, when we are comfortable in the relationship, we don't laugh at your jokes as much, have less patience and don't bat our eyelashes when you walk in the door. To be honest, I say what is on my mind, loud and clear, to my hubby who still looks at me blankly.

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    1. I just take solace knowing that those "perfect" soap opera guys go home to their wives where they endure this exact thing. There is no escape from it. No evil twin acting as a substitute can save you now, Antonio St. Cloud.

      Thankfully, though, my wife still does laugh at all of my jokes. Harder than ever, if anything. But I chalk that up to telling real jokes and not puns or dad jokes. And not being a lazy slob that sits around watching TV and farting like a beer-guzzling hippopotamus.

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    2. Oh you are a keeper:) I laugh at my hubby's jokes as well and thankfully he has a nice non soap opera name which usually are names like Rocko, Sven or Lance. No comment on the farting though although...I find fart sounds quite funny.

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    3. As long as you're happy and not just laughing to be nice, then that's all that matters. And we too find fart sounds to be quite funny, but I have not yet shat my pantaloons in her presence because I still appreciate her finding me attractive, at least in an "I've never seen you soil yourself" kind of way.

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  24. Come on guys. It's obvious that she's feeling crushed and trapped. Not because of the piano that is literally crushing her, but because you're oppressing her because you won't stop asking her questions and leave her alone. But if you did leave her alone that would be worse.

    Women, right?

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    1. As a straight white cis male, oppression is all I know. I live and breathe oppression. If you are not yet feeling oppressed, you too may be a white male, and we suggest checking your privilege immediately.

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  25. HHMMM..I think I might of done that as a newlywed because I hadn't perfected the art of "let's work this shit out". I can't say for certain, but he might wish for the days when he would ask the sulky me what was wrong only to have me say (half-heartedly) "Nothing...really." (with me figuring the use of the word "really" was the give away that I was pissed about something and he better be figuring out how he f**** up.

    Now if something is on my mind I would just lay it out but today there wouldn't be a lot of drama ...well unless it was something BIG and he did something really STUPID. Then I guess I am back to the "we better work this shit out!"

    OK...so maybe we women are a bit unpredictable.

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    1. I'm a big fan of the drama free lifestyle. When the wife and I are embroiled in a heated, hour long argument regarding, say, the folding of laundry, I like to remind her that we could be arguing about so, so much worse.

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    2. Totally agree with that. While probably how one is not folding the T shirts correctly might be important to someone (or not) that's a whole lot better than fighting over "deal breakers"... things like dishonesty or betrayal. Our marriage has been drama free of anything of consequence.

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  26. I don't tell Willy Dunne Wooters that I'm fine unless I'm fine. If something bothers me, I tell him nicely. He has learned how to sit down in my theater seats so he doesn't break them. All I had to tell him was that the furniture fixer said it looked as if someone had jumped on the chair, so he needed to sit down gently. I also gave him the bill. Everything was accomplished quietly and easily. And I really am fine because the chair is repaired, the bill is paid, and WDW knows how to sit down rather than throw himself in a chair. I'm too old to pretend that everything is fine when it isn't. Homey don't play that.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Lesson learned. If we ever stop by for a visit, we will not bodyslam your chairs.

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  27. I laughed when your cartoon self gave a scared apology. I've gotten a number of those from scared men. Yeah, those got me more pissed off too. No smart woman wants an insincere apology. What's a nice, caring man to do? Plus, when a gal doesn't actually know what she's falling apart about, she always has a default:
    [im]http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-caUsHZhn7iM/TsVC7wybQ4I/AAAAAAAADTY/bDf6E12yS2g/s1600/lucy-menopause.jpg[/im]

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    1. I don't get scared, but I'll admit, I'm kind of a secret Canadian when it comes to this. If a woman is really, really angry, my first thought is, "I'm sorry?" Question mark, because I have no idea what I did, but if she's fuming that heavily in my direction, then I assume I did SOMETHING to make her that way.

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    2. Yeah, it was the question mark that made me laugh. A stab in the dark, but a well-intentioned one. Thing is, if you truly love her, you're supposed to read her mind and know exactly why she is upset. That's not too much for a woman to ask, right? =) Bottom line, though, as you know: stay the hell away, far, far away, until it passes. Toss her a few good (none of that Hershey's crap) chocolates in the meantime.

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    3. We both eat really healthy, so I think if I tossed her a random chocolate bar, she'd just be angrier than she was to begin with, knowing she couldn't have it.

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    4. Oops, never mind. Send me the chocolate whenever she's mad at you.

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  28. Well, the question is: what's worse? This, or a wife with no filter. Because I have no filter. At least I never hid my personality, so my husband knew what he was getting into.

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    1. I don't think one or the other is worse. They each have their pros and cons. Sometimes I'd love to know exactly what my wife is thinking. Other times, I'd rather not know about the details of her plotting my own murder.

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  29. I am guilty of this early on in my first marriage. I think I have gotten better, and not just because I haven't dated anyone in ages. My second husband did this shit, it drove me crazy. I like to think he cured me of doing it to others.

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    1. Wow, your second husband. I've never heard of a man that does the whole "I'm FINE" spiel. I don't suppose giving him a hug and a pint of ice cream and watching a rom-com with him made him feel better?

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  30. My husband never wants to know what "I'm fine" about. He sighs and somewhat rolls his eyes and walks away. But, when I say it means I am not going to tell him anyway because I'd rather avoid a fight where he gets nasty and I end up feeling like crap.
    Yep, it's a marriage made in heaven.

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    1. Marriage - where how you argue is every bit as important as the argument itself, if not more. My preferred defense mechanism is to pull my head back into my armored body like a turtle and wait out the storm.

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  31. My problem is not that I say, "I'm fine," but rather that I'm just over it long before the hubs is done discussing it. If I keep answering, then I'm supposedly invalidating his opinion by counter-argument, but if I keep my mouth shut, he keeps going, trying to figure out what's going on. Neither of us has (after almost 30 years together) ever managed that delicate balance. Keeps us from getting bored, anyway! For every time I wish he could read my mind, there are ten times I'm glad he can't.

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    1. I bet I know how that would go, too. "Look, honey, just because I was plotting your own murder in my head, it doesn't mean that I don't love you. Or that I would actually do it. It's just a way to calm myself down. Also, I think I figured out the plot of my next novel. So... thank you?"

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    2. . . . as he reads the anonymous author's book I'm "editing" and marvels at how the plot seems to mimic his own life. Uncanny.

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  32. Ah shit, that reminds me of two weeks ago when my girlfriend got a haircut and was pissed that I didn't notice the one inch of hair that was missing. I'm still walking with a limp.

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    1. [im]http://memeblender.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/meme-comics-haircut-men-and-women.png[/im]

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  33. Many years ago, when I was foolish enough to date, I showed up at my parent's home on New Year's Day, unencumbered. "Where's ," I was asked, and I mumbled an excuse about her not feeling well.

    To which one of my brothers said, "So what did you do?"

    My reply? "Apparently, I am supposed to be able to read her freaking mind!"

    Damned if ya do, damned if ya don't.

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    1. I can read my wife's mind. She just doesn't appreciate that it's sarcastic.

      "Wait, I know exactly what you're thinking. You're angry. I see myself sleeping on the couch tonight. I see you giving me the silent treatment. ...Ah, it's already begun."

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  34. LOL -- For future use:

    [im]https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1915398_552955001552075_6930053389583803942_n.jpg?oh=bee470fa862c85e1a4dcea926fc31294&oe=58066ED9 [/im]

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    1. Ha, yes! That's great! Also, as a bonus:

      [im]http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rmEZM2gnO3g/UUVjwxLp_6I/AAAAAAAAACk/y5YLN8lv6Gs/s640/woman+asks+what+love+ireland+hotnewsblog.png[/im]

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    2. And, well, this one fits the post perfectly lol

      [im] https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t34.0-12/13521626_629193580594883_197613998_n.jpg?oh=1e705d77a50bbc67211bc294ad997d00&oe=577136C7 [/im]

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    3. Okay that didn't come out good, but it says:

      Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

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  35. Replies
    1. [im]http://memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Chuck-Norris-Thumbs-Up-Meme-04.jpg[/im]

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  36. This is why beer was invented.

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    1. The more I drink, the more it levels the playing field, because then she doesn't understand what the hell I'm talking about either.

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  37. To be fair, if you don't know on your own I don't think she should tell you.

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    1. Well, if it's something I didn't do at all or it was completely unintentional, then that leaves me pretty well stranded.

      "You should know that I'm angry at you because yesterday you asked me if I knew where your Kindle was, since you couldn't find it, and you said it in a tone that I felt implied that I stole it or lost it, and that upset me greatly, even if I didn't say anything at the time."

      Meanwhile, my perspective: Wanted to read Kindle book. Asked wife if she had seen my Kindle. She had not. Guess I'm reading a paperback tonight.

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  38. It feels like someone wrote this out of personal experience....

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    1. No, I didn't. I'm fine. It's fine. I don't want to talk about it.

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  39. That's funny! I'm one of those fine people. I'm sick right now, but really I'm fine. So leave me alone. I'll be fine. Or something like that. Okay. I'm not fine. But who cares. So I'll just say I'm fine. ;)

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    1. Healthwise, I'm with you on that. As long as I'm at least 70% sure I won't die, I'm fine.

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  40. My mother and younger sister pull that shite all the time. And get angry when I shrug, say "ok" and walk away.

    (According to friends and family, I was given a brain with the wrong gender. I have never pulled the "I'm fine." Except when actually trying to cover up an illness or injury when I should probably have sought medical attention.)

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    1. Yep, you are definitely a guy in that regard. See above response to Sherry. As for shrugging and walking away, I bet that makes relationship arguments easier, too.

      "What's wrong?"
      "I'm pissed off."
      "Okay." (walks away)
      "Okay." (also walks away)

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  41. "How do I look in this outfit?"
    "You look fine darling"
    "What's the point in asking you? You'd say I look good in a bin bag"
    *Then why ask my opinion?*
    "But darling you look great in everything!"
    "Grrrr, what's the point!!"

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    1. And yet, conversely:
      "How do I look in this outfit, darling?"
      "Honestly, it doesn't look very good on you. It's not you, it's the outfit."
      "So what, I'm ugly? You dick!"

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  42. This post was hilarious! You guys just keep getting funnier and funnier.

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    1. Thanks! Always good to hear that we haven't yet jumped the shark.

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  43. Thank goodness for lady parts. If it weren't for those, we'd have nothing to do with them.

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    1. My favorite part of the lady is the mouth because that's where the words come out.

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  44. It's kind of like telling someone to calm down. That never leads to a good response. "Calm down?!? CALM DOWN!?! You're right, I forgot. Let's play Scrabble and discuss this matter further."

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    1. Or my favorite is accusing someone of being angry. That never ends in anything BUT anger.
      "Oh, you think I'm angry? Well let me SHOW YOU ANGRY."

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  45. why does this come to mind

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQdPYiES8Io

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    1. or this one

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc8hbSM1zVo

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    2. Ha! Yes, exactly. And while reading minds is tricky, it's much preferable to having a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5fBdpreJiU

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  46. I try to be a kind of sympathetic guy but often when I ask how my wife is when I can tell the answer is "not well" she kind of turns it around to make it my fault. Of course I feel guilty about a lot of things that happen. I'm pretty sure I'm mostly responsible for the UK leaving the EU. Hey, I'll be happy to take credit for that one.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

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    1. If I've learned anything from being married, it's that anything can be my fault. And often is. My wife should be a district attorney. Or maybe she shouldn't.

      And here I thought that Brexit was my fault, but I'll split that one with you.

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    2. We're experts at turning it around making it the mans fault... My hubs tells me this all the time. It starts out with something I did that he's mad about then I slyly turn the tables and point the finger back at him and he's like... Wait what just happened? Lol it takes mad skills to be a woman!

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  47. I'm nerdy enough not to have dated much, and I married the only guy I dated "seriously", so I never got into mind games. We have an understanding that if I say "I'm fine," he is free to continue doing whatever he's doing without expressing concern for me.
    If I want care and concern, I know to ask for it. I think we're weird.

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    1. I'm the only guy my wife ever dated seriously. I think it's just in her nature. I think that makes her weirder than you. Just a little.

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  48. Women. I have yet to meet a woman who isn't like that.

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    1. I once met a woman who wasn't like that but it turned out she was just one of those dogs with the really pretty long hair.

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