Monday, May 16, 2016

The Idiot's Guide to Spring Cleaning

We are now well into spring, and you know what that means. Crippling allergies, hordes of aggressive insects, and white people thinking flip flops are acceptable footwear? Absolutely! But also, that means it's time for Spring Cleaning™, aka the one day a year that people clean house from top to bottom because apparently they don't clean their houses any other time of year. And don't let our slovenly appearances fool you; we are masters of cleanliness.

So today we're going to take you through how you too can scrub the filth, toss out the junk, and rid yourself of useless clutter. Except, we're not talking about your physical home. We're talking about your digital home. So let's learn how to clean house and get your social media looking sparkly-new!

1) Rid your home of all toxins.

With election season upon us, toxins are everywhere, so be sure to toss out anything and everything that's toxic in nature. Namely, toss out the people that love to post angry, ignorant political rants.


And in case you're wondering, we're not talking about Republican toxins specifically. The Democrat toxins are just as dangerous. So if things like "libtard" and "conservatard" and "Dumbocrat" and "Republic*nt" are of frequent use in your digital lingo, then chances are good that you yourself are a toxin just waiting to be stomped out (digitally, of course).

2) Scrub your junk.

No, we're not talking about your fiddly bits, we're talking about the junk that's probably been cluttering your digital house for way too long. People posting news that's clearly fake, scientific studies rooted in pure bullshit, and chain letters about Facebook soon charging users unless you copy and paste some stupid status are all junk that you should definitely rid your life of.


3) Cleanse your house of viruses.

Viruses spread quickly, especially if they're in chain letter form, meaning that one of the best ways to keep from getting violently ill is to cleanse all of the viruses before they can spread and become full blown cancer. And by cancer, of course, we mean the people that post that guilt-tripping, religious pass-it-on bullshit.


4) Disinfect the dirty laundry.

Your Facebook is most likely covered in filthy, disgusting heaps of dirty laundry, often coming from that trashy man or woman who's barely an acquaintance but whom you now know every detail of their lives because they share all of it publicly. All of it. Specifically, the negative, and even more specifically, the negative about their husband/wife. You may think that you can wash dirty laundry, but you can't. You should just simply disinfect by tossing out the person directly attached to it.


So in case you haven't caught on, we're talking about cleaning up your Facebook friends list. Getting rid of the people that post horrible, stupid things is a great habit that you should get into at least once a year. We just did ours, and we've never felt less disappointed by humanity!

Because hey, even though we've only got 17 friends between the 2 of us now, at least our Facebook feeds aren't cluttered with IQ-point-shattering dumbfuckery.

Any other good social media cleaning tips?

Cheers and stay clean, friends,
B&B

Music: Roosevelt
Beer: Breckenridge Avalanche Ale

(P.S. For the 4 people wondering about our upcoming novel, Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter, there's been a delay in the print version beyond our control, and so we'll be releasing him into the wild in June. Stay tuned!)


114 comments:

  1. Excellent, excellent stuff, guys. I want to share your post about "loving God." It's so true...I am a pile of pig shit...No, we know that's not (usually) true, but I hate those God awful posts that curse you if you don't share it with 25 of your closest friends within 3 seconds. And anything religious. Thanks for the advice. I think I'll at least hide those idiots. Afterall, Jesus would do it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like that's its own motivational post.

      Q: WWJD?
      A: Block your ass.

      [im]http://favoritememes.com/_nw/37/31791431.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  2. [im]http://www.canwecomplain.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/jesus-on-facebook.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/df/54/f7/df54f771bb71973e43bd3da86598a431.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. This is the best picture/meme/whatever.

      Delete
  3. Most of that seems to come from Facebook. Glad I continue to resist assimilation.
    Like clearing out the Dirty Laundry, right?
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDBOwPORHGU

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fantastic song with a killer message. Funny that it used to be all about people reporting the dirty laundry of others, and now for some reason people get some huge satisfaction out of airing their own. Anything for attention, I guess?

      [im]http://www.killthehydra.com/wp-content/uploads/Photo-Jul-01-11-01-15-AM.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  4. I'm not on Twitter because I don't want to hear vague thoughts that people toss into the air. Unfortunately, some people seem to be confusing Facebook and Twitter these days. The status updates I hate most are those vague rants that are fairly vitriolic or horribly sad or just extreme in some way... but very non-specific. As in I have no idea what the f#ck you're talking about. And now I've just wasted ten minutes of my day trying to puzzle this shizzle out. This is what Twitter is for people. Go park your vagueness there.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrtOPMZo38A

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, let me guess, something like this?

      Poster: I just can't handle this anymore. After last week I'm on the verge of breaking.
      Friend#1: OMG are you okay?
      Friend#2: Give me a call! I'm here for you!
      Friend#3: I'm really concerned! Please tell me, what's going on?
      Original poster: ...I don't want to talk about it.

      The world:
      [im]https://cdn3.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2613700/tumblr_m5ufc4GwJ61qdhsxp.0.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  5. I occasionally go through my Twitter list and clean it out, but I really should do some spring cleaning on FB. Deleting my account would be the only way! If only everyone would behave more like Buddy Christ.
    [im]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Buddy_christ.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dangit! Let's try a different source.
      [im]https://neounorthodoxy.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/buddy-christ.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Now THAT'S a guy who doesn't copy and paste complete crap!

      It really says something when I'd rather have a Facebook profile I don't use that often with a very minuscule group of friends than just delete it altogether. Is this what addiction looks like?

      Delete
  6. B&B:
    Again, you prove that you can outdo yourselves with a post such as this.
    I love the whole spring cleaning juxtaposed with the digital realm...brilliant.
    (time to take out the trash/trolls, and NOT to dinner and a movie)
    Well done.
    Amazing how we encounter similar people (no matte where we live)...gotta be some sort of disease, perhaps?
    Again, kudos for making my Monday easier to handle.

    Stay safe (and classy) out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, it doesn't matter where you live, or what race you are, or how old you are, these exact people are in every social media circle... and dammit, I'd like to know why.

      Delete
  7. ::photo of deformed child in 3rd world country::
    DON'T SCROLL PAST THIS WITHOUT TYPING "AMEN"!

    ^can someone explain this to me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Neither of us can explain it, but it is quite hilarious when it's not even a deformed child; it's just, for example, a kid with a piece of ham on her face.

      [im]http://i.imgur.com/l8AeDNh.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. That's hilarious!

      And it may just be ham, but it's still real to me, damn-it!

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
    3. Obviously there were enough prayers offered that The Lord turned her horrible deformity into ham.

      Delete
    4. It's a delicious, delicious miracle!

      Delete
  8. That's great that you're clearing those people out. It will leave a lot of room for the remaining 17 people.

    Those would be the 17 people who post one of two remaining types of post:

    1. Pictures of their food; and
    2. Vague posts like: "tfw when the one you thought you could trust does the same thing to you again."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't forget...

      3) Guy or gal who takes a selfie every single day in almost the exact same pose with the exact same facial expression because they seem to think that's their best 'angle' so why not stick with it 365 days a year?

      4) Meme sharers, except it's a meme you saw over a month ago that they're apparently just getting to.

      Oh, and I need to be that guy that posts, "Just cleaned out my friends list, so if you see this you've been spared. YOU'RE WELCOME."

      And all of my friends will breathe an ENORMOUS sigh of relief.

      Delete
  9. Got waaaay too many Twitter followers to clean that out, so I just ignore most. But Facebook I cleaned that up years ago with one little task, Delete Profile. Morons on that are just getting worse and worse. Linkedin is getting just as bad too, "Join my group" "Make connections" and all that crap keeps coming in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People actually use LinkedIn? I thought that was the go-to social media platform for setting up a half-assed work profile, and then just ignoring it for years on end.

      Delete
    2. Isn't that... what LinkedIn is for? Cheap networking that feels good but generally isn't worth all that much?

      Delete
    3. Hey now, thanks to professional networking on LinkedIn I made plenty of digital connections and landed my dream job making $200,000 a year.

      -Nobody, ever

      Delete
    4. lmao they made us set up one at my former place, or "suggested" rather. Haven't used it since, just get stupid messages about the group invites and crap.

      Delete
  10. I clean mine up often. It seems like every time something big pops up in the news I am having to delete a ton. Bathroom debate resulted in me deleted about 20. I am a big fan, and I'm being sarcastic, of the people who say I really need your prayers my family is going through a lot right now. When someone asks whats wrong. They practically scream, "Why is everyone trying to stick their nose in my business its private!" Of course I am not an idiot and put it together that her husband is cheating on her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's fantastic, if only because all of the praying in the world can't suddenly make your husband want to stop cheating on you.

      Delete
    2. a twist you don't see coming....her husband is a preacher.

      Delete
    3. "You see, honey, God used my penis as a divining rod, and it just so happened to point straight to Claire's vagina. You can't be mad at me. It was HIS WILL."

      Delete
    4. I have to remember that.

      Delete
  11. So...wait...that girl ISN'T dating a French model? But, it was on the internet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It only counts if there's a picture. A stock photo or one stolen off the Internet from someone else totally counts.

      Delete
  12. So...wait...that girl ISN'T dating a French model? But, it was on the internet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On the Internet everyone's more important than they really are.

      Delete
  13. So...wait...that girl ISN'T dating a French model? But, it was on the internet!

    ReplyDelete
  14. You guys are truly hilarious! I haven't pulled the plug on any FB friends yet only because I don't care enough to read any updates dealing with politics, religion and about 50 percent of everything else. (and that statistic may or may not be real) However, every once in awhile there is a nugget of brilliance to be had.

    While I am not a super big fan of Facebook, I will say that it can serve as a head's up to how socially awkward your friends (or fake-friends) really are. And as far as those "inspirational" quotes that you are supposed to re-send out to other Facebookers, I am taking my chances. I am fairly certain the path to heaven isn't dependent on my Facebook participation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find, at least in my circles, that the people who post this garbage post nothing BUT this garbage. There are no nuggets of brilliance. So it's easy to axe them without feeling like I lost anything.

      Also, the people that share inspirational quotes in an attempt to look really deep make me laugh. I get inspiration from many places, but it's not from reading a paragraph of flowery text over a cheesy stock photo of a waterfall, as posted by the girl I kinda sorta knew in high school.

      Delete
  15. I must admit the religious ones give me arse ache!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought they were against that whole sodomy thing.

      Delete
  16. Not on Facebook nor Twitter, so guess that eliminates having to clean it up, eh? I'm trying to keep a low profile from ghosts hovering from the past. . .known as an ex-whatever. Can I clean him out of the whole internet? probably not. . .I do like Buddy Christ, wasn't he from Dogma, the movie? Well cast too, I think . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, he was from Dogma. And the great thing about social media is you can block people. Not just from talking to you, but even seeing your profile. Some people use social media to actually stalk their exes and see what they're doing. I, meanwhile, use mine as a solid concrete fortress in which no bitter ex is ever welcome.

      Delete
  17. Someone put one online that said

    Like for Satan

    Comment for Satan

    Share for Satan

    Scroll down for Satan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But what happens if I scroll up? Is it still Satan? That guy is everywhere!

      Delete
  18. Ah yes. The Facebook Cleanse. So very satisfying, and freeing. I try to keep things under control by only requesting and accepting friends I actually give a crap about. Admittedly, I have had to go back and delete people I thought I gave a crap about, who then turned around and became everything you posted in this cartoon. Lesson learned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope that after you do that, you post one of those status updates that says something like "Well, just cleaned up my friends list, so if you're seeing this, that means I spared you the axe." And then everyone breathes a huge sigh of relief because man, that was close!

      People that do that are so cool.

      [im]https://c1.staticflickr.com/9/8317/7986687401_46b3a6f069.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Yes, yes I do do that. I also provide extra instructions: "Go ahead and feel special that I allowed you all to remain in my online friendship circle. You lucky, lucky peons. That's right, worship me, peasants!"

      Delete
  19. What a great idea! Now when can I get the time to unload those useless whiners and purveyors of moral and philosophical effluent? Maybe one of those nights when I can't sleep.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not when you're on the toilet? I thought that was prime time for lazy smartphone surfing.

      Delete
  20. Great post, but you left one type out...


    I have a dear friend who Ive known LONG before FB. Her problem is she confuses the "share this post" button with the "mark as read" button. The other day she asked me what I thought of her series (a single post here and there over the course of about six months), to which I made the mistake of replying along the lines of "What series?" She said, "Did you unfriend me or something?" (No, but I do have your posts hid until I feel like looking at them). I answered, "You post 200 things a day, I can't possibly look at them all." Which is true- I simply scroll through notifications looking to see if she's done any tagging of me or posts anything relatively interesting. Of course, soon after that FB started just putting "X has shared 20 new posts" in notifications, so I have to go on her page to do the scrolling. Still easier than teaching her to lay off the share button.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The people that share everything make me laugh, because they always end up invariably asking, "Did you see when I posted that one thing?" And if you say no, they get hurt. Even though Facebook has an algorithm that controls what they show you. And that person posts 200 things a day, so Facebook (thank GOD) does not show you all of it.

      I just think, I'm not sure what you expect of me, dude, but I have better things to do with my day than comb through your catalog of shitty Facebook posts.

      Delete
  21. Wait, you mean flip flops aren't acceptable foot wear? Yes, there are a few friends that tell everyone everything. I know this one woman's husband left her, her first husband died and the kid she almost adopted she took back to the place because his cry was too loud and obnoxious. People really need to stop putting everything on fb.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that the girl we went to middle school with married a guy who beat her, then divorced him, then got back together with him, then he stole her car and was MIA for a week, then he wrecked the car, then he came back, and now they're together or something like that. It's a damn soap opera.

      Delete
  22. I spend so little time on FB, I don't feel a need to purge anyone yet. The little time I do spend on it, I have no problem of skipping by any political crapola. I don't get why some people feel the need to post endless selfies, and am NEVER gonna "like and share" those posts that say you've gotta do it if you have the best husband/mother/father/son/daughter/grandchildren/friends/whatever. I must admit... I feel a little guilty about it. Does that mean my hubby/sons/daughter/grandchildren/friends think (gasp) I don't love them??? Sheesh.

    What I DO need to purge is some of the blogs I signed up to follow. A number of them no longer exist... and I will, as soon as I figure out how to do it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Equally annoying are the people that have to post just how much they love their spouse, and oh my god look what my husband did for me, and look how lucky I am, etc, 5 times a day. Those almost always are the couples that are miserable and dead inside and just trying to justify their marriage. It's sad.

      Delete
  23. I unfollow people on a regular basis. One silly rant where too much personal information is shared and it's bye-bye. I really enjoy the 'respond if you're my actual friend and really care about me' posts. Make me laugh and I'll love your posts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, we almost forgot about those. "Only real friends will respond to this. Leave a comment telling me how we met, and then I'll do it for you, and for all of the others, and we'll all circle jerk each other, and blah blah blah."

      Sorry, I guess we're not real friends, then.

      Delete
  24. I'm a big a fan of the "ignore but dont unfriend" button on facebook (i forget its real name). "Of COURSE i didn't unfriend crazy racist uncle donny! of COURSE not! I just don't need to gouge my eyes out anymore because of another bizarro/sexist/racist/homophobic post!" Win win win.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, I think it's unfollow. You don't get any of their updates, but you remain friends. We both have a few friends/relatives like that, that would be "crushed" if we unfriended them. Which is hilarious, because it's just a stupid website. And yet I bet if I set my profile to read "Divorced" people would. Go. Fucking. Nuts.

      Facebook - it totally matters!

      Delete
  25. >Having a Facebook friends list
    You brought this upon yourselves and you know it. Facebook's "just show all their content to them" policy is bad, and its "let's figure out what to show them" algorithm has the potential to get even worse. The only solution is not having any content in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, we feel no sympathy for us. We wouldn't even have Facebook if it wasn't for trying to maintain some kind of online author presence as normal people and not purely as idiotic cartoons. Between blocking/unfriending people and adblockers galore, however, Facebook is at the very least tolerable.

      Delete
  26. Re #2: I think I saw someone earlier today share something on Facebook that alkaline water will cure all diseases, including cancer. This was based on some theory that all diseases are caused by excessive acidity in the body ... or something. I didn't delve to deeply into the matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What if I drink an alkaline battery? Is that comparable? Because I just ingested one and if anything I feel like I just got cancer.

      Delete
  27. We have the same political nonsense in the UK at the moment with Brexit (it's not even a word). We have the In lot contradicting everything the Out lot say and vice versa. A lot like this https://youtu.be/XNkjDuSVXiE

    I'm seriously wanting to clean my Facebook junk but every time I try I find something shiny to look at. Much like real spring cleaning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If your politics are like that, then they're much more amusing than ours. Ours is just sad and pathetic, not cheeky and quirky and hilarious.

      Delete
  28. I can't remember where I used to direct all my judgy animosity and hate before facebook came along.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. MySpace, maybe? Or AOL chat rooms? Before that, though, your guess is as good as mine.

      Delete
  29. I laughed my ass of(no easy feat) when I saw the woman's head gone....hahahaaaa. We have a neighbour like this and she always talks down about her husband tony hubby who feels very uncomfortable since he likes her husband. She then says nice things and we scratch our heads. I have to laugh because the picture of Jesus in a shirt and tie looks like my brother from years ago. In fact, his nickname was Jesus for a while. One day I will post his Grad photo and you can be the judge. I'm sick of all the ads that are everywhere! You can't escape them from seeing them on blogs, Facebook to walking anywhere, they are on billboards, benches, you name it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go here and never worry about annoying ads again. I haven't seen an ad in years. Fuck those things.

      https://adblockplus.org/

      Also, your brother was I.T. Jesus? Yes, that's something we definitely want to see!

      Delete
  30. WHEW! So glad to know this post doesn't apply to BLOGS! Every blogger is intelligent, upbeat, progressive and a ray of sunshine every day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They also never spew political/religious babble, nor do they spread hoaxes and misinformation. Being a blogger is ignorantly awesome.

      Delete
  31. I barely pay attention to FB, so I don't know what kinds of stuff is my feed most of the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SO THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T LIKE MY CAT PICTURES.

      Delete
  32. Real stellar stuff, made me chuckle. And its all spot on guys, good job. Have a good week!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And a merry unbirthday to you as well, sir.

      Delete
  33. Hey, now wait a minute! I've been writing "DUMB-O-CRAT" and "REPUGNANTCAN" for years and years! I need to scrub myself? Toss me out?

    What I REALLY need to do is get a Facebook account so I have something to Spring Clean.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You only need scrubbing if it's Facebook. If it's on your blog or on a news website comment section (where God intended it), then all is right with the world.

      And Facebook is like herpes. Those of us living with it pretend like we're cool with it, but if you don't have it by now you should do everything in your power to NOT get it.

      Delete
  34. If I clean out my Facebook friends, then where will I ever find enough memes to drag over to my blog to make fun of? It's a bottomless source of material!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Source material is good, but just remember that that kind of thing chips away at IQ points, and at a certain point hilarity does not outweigh becoming a real life Forrest Gump.

      Delete
  35. I am so fucking sick of certain young people, certainly not my kids except they look like my kids and some also resemble my nieces and nephews, who put their shit on Facebook and then they're pissed that their privacy has been invaded if I ask,"How are you? Do you need help?" Fuck me. Just fuck me to death. I also detest, despise, and denigrate emails about how God is going to fuck me up if I don't pass on an email. And I really hate the emails with lies in them. It's so easy to go to snopes to find out the truth. Go to snopes, old people who send crazy emails to everybody. I am an old person, too, but I don't send that shit to everybody. Pardon my language, but this topic gets my panties in a wad. Thank you for bringing it up.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, you're welcome to vent here any time. Pardoning not necessary. We both have plenty of family members like that. My favorite are the posts/e-mails that are always called something like "Fw: FW: Obama secret lies MUST READ (God bless)."

      Delete
  36. Nice.

    Fortunately, on FB, I don't have to do spring cleaning. I induce others to spring clean me, including SlapMyFaceBook.

    Father Nature's Corner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If Facebook had a slap option instead of a poke option I think I'd be inclined to include all of the above mentioned people that I can't stand.

      Delete
  37. My favorite virus to ignore is the medical pity-party kind. "I'm sure only about 3% of you will share/copy-paste to your wall, because most of you don't even care about cancer/lupus/veganism but my mom died from it, so *I* care! I'll know you truly care, if you share.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What I love about those is that they always come away feeling like they did something useful. "Share if you care about people who have cancer and want to put an end to it for good!" - Whew, totally did my part to help cure cancer. Cancer doesn't stand a chance.

      Delete
  38. Fortunately, I don't have Facebook friends that share that kind of garbage. I'd certainly "spring clean" them if I did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It must be nice having mature and intelligent friends, family, and acquaintances. Meanwhile, I just axed another person who won't stop copying and pasting a 'legal agreement' that says Mark Zuckerberg can't steal her pictures. You know, because she posted it on her wall.

      Delete
  39. I could not have said this any better! Great job - and I am loving the graphics :)

    Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. [im]https://media4.giphy.com/media/2dJ5Iait4QrW8/200.gif[/im]

      Delete
  40. Oh I like the idea of Spring Cleaning. Well, at least I like the idea of spring, cleaning, not so much.

    I closed down my Facebook account five or six years ago and have never been sorry. It's the place everybody loves to hate. There is so much complaining about it and the Zuck, but people keep signing up and posting every time they blow their nose. Now what's wrong with this picture.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel like this is what addiction looks like. Donald Glover explained it best.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj7j4pSANfE

      Delete
  41. I've missed ya'll while I've been travelin' around, seeing so much crap it is pretty much blowing my head off my shoulders - or just blowing my mind. Lost my wallet in Vegas; rear ended in Salt Lake, drunk in Grand Junction -

    Ah, you're done cleaning FB, right? All this is interesting, en-grossing even?

    I haven't cleaned FB yet, but I've scrubbed my blog a time or two. I need a third alter identity to shovel all the latte lovers and God Will Strike You Down if you don't repost 30 times. My luck is all bad, I'm going to hell no matter how many times I forward the dire warnings.

    Drink wine instead of beer; try the other side a while :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I can't speak for the other things, but Grand Junction is a great place to be drunk if you like wine. And between us, we actually do drink wine. Particularly that Grand Junction wine. I've even been rocking some cherry mead this past week, and it's been awesome.

      [im]http://tastings.com/Product-Images/Wine/2012/8_5_2012/198846_fr.jpg[/im]

      Delete
  42. Yeah, those people are totally blocked. Poor things. They don't even know it. I like digital spring cleaning. Now if only I could trick someone into cleaning my house...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, if any of the above mentioned people offered to clean my house for free, I would gladly spare them the digital axe.

      Delete
  43. My Facebook feed is now such a festering pile of shit I don't think I could clean it up if I wanted to. Unfortunately a lot of people spouting "dank memes" are my family members. It'd just look bad if I unfriended a family member because I was tired of hearing how much they love their family and how I need to share something to prove that I love them. I ain't sharing anything but I shall at least tolerate their presence on my news feed. Isn't that the true meaning of family love? Tolerance?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's why I use the unfollow feature. I get to keep my family members thinking I'm their Facebook friends, while keeping a nice, clean Facebook feed. Sure, there's only like 4-5 posts, and Facebook has become a boring, desert wasteland, but isn't that better off for all of us? You wouldn't believe how much writing I get done in that time I'd usually be scrolling angrily wondering what's wrong with the world.

      Delete
  44. Nope...facebook is not something I am planning on ever signing up for because of all this shit you have rightly pointed out above! Instagram is a much more pleasant place in my opinion.... and you are so right about those religious chains they really need to stop!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the only reason Instagram is more pleasant is because you can explore random posts more easily without having to deal with actual people. What I'm saying is, I don't ever look at my personal feed because it's trash, but I do love searching for hilariously fucked up memes.

      Delete
  45. I really enjoy my social media experience because I've got it locked down pretty tight, but it took me years to get it tweaked correctly. I will accept friend requests from anyone, but I have no problem unfollowing the people who annoy me or I find uninteresting. I also block every game request, stupid quiz, and news source the first time it appears in my timeline, so it will never appear again.

    On Twitter, I only follow people who I think are funny. Knowing you in real life does not get you a follow back.

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    1. I don't understand the people who follow a ton of folks on Twitter. Our feed is already cluttered beyond belief and we follow 50-something people. And that whole over-following thing also explains why we can put out a tweet that's solid gold and get 1 favorite; our tweet just gets lost in the void of micro-rambling.

      Delete
  46. I had to take a break from Facebook for awhile. I hop on once or twice a week for a few minutes and that's it. I just can't stand the political BS that get tossed around. I had to block a family member it got so bad. She was mass messaging us at 3:00 a.m. Me thinks she had one too many cocktails. Between politics and drama, it's just too much. After the election, I'll get back on there. I can only take one at a time, not both.

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    1. Yeah, and what's the mindset with that, anyway?

      "Wow, over the past 6 months I've seen a ton of great memes and angry rants about why (political candidate) is the best, and now I've decided to vote for them. Thanks for guiding me, Facebook friend!"

      -nobody, ever

      Delete
  47. I agree with throwing out political posting. Most people don't understand how personal of a subject it is. Includes moral views, aside opinions how we should run our system, and who should do so.
    The other day I was thinking deeply as to why spring cleaning is a thing. Came to the conclusion it's the best weather to go in/out the house. Not too hot, not too cold. Plus, holiday seasons are on a pause.
    I can't wait until your book is finally released. The book I'm reading (The internet is a playground) reminded me of something you to would do and write about.

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    1. Or I suppose *too would also work.

      Delete
    2. We love a good multifaceted sentence. Well done! And The Internet is a Playground sounds awesome. We're flattered to be compared to such a cool story.

      My favorite part about political rants are people thinking that the other person is the enemy. Like half of the country are good people trying to make the world better and the other half are evil villains living in their dark castle on a cliff side, drowning puppies and pushing old people and generally just trying to destroy the world.

      Delete
  48. I do spring cleaning on my Instagram every once in a while...but not on my Facebook since those are generally people I know and have relations with,

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    1. We try not to have sex with all of our Facebook friends. Try.

      Delete
  49. Ugh, flip flops.

    I tend to hide folks from my feed before fully deleting them, but I should get better about actually deleting them. Looks like I'm as much a virtual pack rat as I am in real life. I may need this person around in the future! ACK! I'm pretty middle of the road in terms of politics, and I'm tired of both sides right now, so there's been a lot of hiding. I've reminded a few people that they're talking about their friends and family when they say these hateful things, and if they wouldn't say it to a specific person's face, they should stop posting generalized hate speech. They just don't think.

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    1. Yeah, we've been guilty of being people hoarders too. But if you never see them (on your Facebook, or in person), what's the point, right? And we share your same view of politics. I know plenty of good people who are Democrats, and plenty of good people who are Republicans. Contrary to popular belief, they are not two opposite sides who, if locked in a room together, would kill one another with their bare hands. They're just people. We really should stop acting like those who don't agree with us politically are sworn enemies hellbent on global destruction.

      Delete