So today we're going to take you through how you too can scrub the filth, toss out the junk, and rid yourself of useless clutter. Except, we're not talking about your physical home. We're talking about your digital home. So let's learn how to clean house and get your social media looking sparkly-new!
1) Rid your home of all toxins.
With election season upon us, toxins are everywhere, so be sure to toss out anything and everything that's toxic in nature. Namely, toss out the people that love to post angry, ignorant political rants.
And in case you're wondering, we're not talking about Republican toxins specifically. The Democrat toxins are just as dangerous. So if things like "libtard" and "conservatard" and "Dumbocrat" and "Republic*nt" are of frequent use in your digital lingo, then chances are good that you yourself are a toxin just waiting to be stomped out (digitally, of course).
2) Scrub your junk.
No, we're not talking about your fiddly bits, we're talking about the junk that's probably been cluttering your digital house for way too long. People posting news that's clearly fake, scientific studies rooted in pure bullshit, and chain letters about Facebook soon charging users unless you copy and paste some stupid status are all junk that you should definitely rid your life of.
3) Cleanse your house of viruses.
Viruses spread quickly, especially if they're in chain letter form, meaning that one of the best ways to keep from getting violently ill is to cleanse all of the viruses before they can spread and become full blown cancer. And by cancer, of course, we mean the people that post that guilt-tripping, religious pass-it-on bullshit.
4) Disinfect the dirty laundry.
Your Facebook is most likely covered in filthy, disgusting heaps of dirty laundry, often coming from that trashy man or woman who's barely an acquaintance but whom you now know every detail of their lives because they share all of it publicly. All of it. Specifically, the negative, and even more specifically, the negative about their husband/wife. You may think that you can wash dirty laundry, but you can't. You should just simply disinfect by tossing out the person directly attached to it.
So in case you haven't caught on, we're talking about cleaning up your Facebook friends list. Getting rid of the people that post horrible, stupid things is a great habit that you should get into at least once a year. We just did ours, and we've never felt less disappointed by humanity!
Because hey, even though we've only got 17 friends between the 2 of us now, at least our Facebook feeds aren't cluttered with IQ-point-shattering dumbfuckery.
Any other good social media cleaning tips?
Cheers and stay clean, friends,
Beer: Breckenridge Avalanche Ale
(P.S. For the 4 people wondering about our upcoming novel, Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter, there's been a delay in the print version beyond our control, and so we'll be releasing him into the wild in June. Stay tuned!)