Monday, May 2, 2016

B&B's Magic Time Machine

If you're wondering why we didn't post 2 weeks ago (and you're probably not) it's not because we're lazy or uninspired or being held hostage in someone's murder basement. No, it's because we accidentally learned how to shred the space-time continuum and launch ourselves forward into the future, and all of this without a proper time machine.

We know what you're thinking. How can you two time travel? You're both idiots. Well, A) yes we may be idiots, but B) we have no follow up to that because we're idiots. You see, we can't describe it, but we both have the uncanny ability to propel time forward and leave behind entire weeks at a time.

So yes, that's the idiot's way of saying we've both been incredibly busy with things that aren't the blog or writing. Brandon, for example, spent the entire month of April selling his house while simultaneously trying to buy another, in a process that was about as simple and pain free and stress free as an emergency root canal. But on the bright side, he'll soon be moving into a better house.


Bryan, meanwhile, was sentenced to jury duty, and spent hours figuring out how best to get out of it, only to find out they didn't need him.


On top of that, we both have day jobs that keep us super busy. Brandon just inherited his family business, which is booming. And Bryan has the strangest, most interesting job that eventually he'll get to tell you about, but for now just gets to tease. He is the Social Media Manager for an up-and-coming pop star who wants to be the next Britney Spears. So, I'm sorry in advance, because if she does make it, that's partly my fault.

Some of my duties include:

~Managing and promoting her social media accounts
~Shaping her public image
~Proof-reading and tweaking pretty much anything she writes/posts
~Crisis handling

And yes, she really wants to be the new Britney Spears. That means, of course, that I'm working equally hard to make sure she doesn't become this Britney Spears.


Or this Britney Spears.


And all of that doesn't even include our writing.

Together (and outside of adult responsibilities), the two of us have been working on a few cool new things here and there, but we have not been writing nearly as much as we've wanted to. Part of that was waiting way too long for a response on our current novel, which we wanted to try getting published traditionally.

We'll spare you the details, but we had to fire our agent. In fact, because of it she's actually decided to no longer be an agent at all. We fired her that hard. If you've been following us for a while, you'll know this isn't the first agent we've fired. But we don't wish anything bad upon her, and we wish her well in whatever she does next with her life.


It's not all bad, though. That means we can get back to doing what we want to do, on our terms. It also means that Brandon put together this killer cover, and we're happy to announce that our next novel, Tuck Watley: Freedom Fighter Fighter will be released on May 16th so his hilariously awesome story can stop gathering dust in a drawer.


Tag line: a lowly government phone tapper must infringe the rights of everyone around him to protect us all... from ourselves.

So... that's what we've been up to. What the hell have you been up to?

Cheers and stay busy, friends,
B&B

Music: Two Door Cinema Club
Beer: Breck IPA


110 comments:

  1. "Brandon just inherited his family business, which is booming."
    Yeah, so what kind of business is it? It better not be booming babies, I don't want a repeat of that generation.
    Your new novel seems pretty topical, so I think it'll do well. I'll be rooting for you!

    (Also hey, as long as your Britney writes shitty lyrics she'll do fine.)

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    1. His business is barrels. Specifically, throwing barrels. His grandpa was killed by a maniacal plumber on magic mushrooms so now he makes it a point to up barrel throwing by 100%.

      And yes, that was one of our biggest frustrations. While our agent was sitting around doing nothing, our novel is only getting less relevant. So we're glad to get him out while his story actually matters.

      As for lyrics, well, I think she presents a rather analytic thesis on the state of "throwing it back", of which I am a proponent.

      Delete
  2. I get to comment first? Great on the new house and the next, ah, Britney 'don't be a Spears' entertainer. What is selling and buying a house so complicated. It's just ten pages short of being like a tax return.

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    1. Close second? And yes, home buying/selling is a nightmare. The best part is doing it simultaneously and having official closing dates that aren't controlled by you, especially the kind that leave a person literally homeless for 7 days. Thank God for friends/family living close by.

      Delete
  3. You mean there's no reality in reality TV? I'm crushed. I'm going to have to go take a nap now.

    One more thought on this... if you could be ANYBODY in the whole world of music, why oh why would you choose Britney Spears? I mean even Christina Aguilera is more successful and has had less bad press. Watching Britney has been very much like watching The Titanic. It started out loud and proud and ended up... well, we all know where it ended up. So, why would you want to be The Titanic? This is my question.

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    1. Yeah, maybe no one told her that Britney is a huge washed up trainwreck. I don't have the heart to tell her. If it helps inspire her to think Britney is this badass pop icon on top of the world, then... all hail Queen Britney, undercover genius.

      [im]http://31.media.tumblr.com/0bc98b0c3074e6e766ebb6a6e96e5566/tumblr_nk4wqdj3ab1r4l6mbo1_250.gif[/im]

      Delete
  4. I have been doing absolutely nothing but waiting (breathlessly) for your next post! Thank goodness you posted today so I can breathe!

    And, yah, BS has that "utterly repulsed but can't look away" effect on me too. Hope your girl has a better voice at least!

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    1. We didn't even once take into account your hyperventilation and for that we apologize profusely.

      And yes, my gal can carry a tune quite well so by default she's already leaps and miles above Britney "Autotune" Spears.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUdKrtsrCBI

      Delete
  5. I haven't been writing as much either. Day job, plus the podcast, end of school shit with the kids, ect.....means most days I don't know if I'm coming or going. But I did miss you guys 2 weeks ago. I assumed you had been abducted by aliens and we'd hear all about it soon. Glad I wasn't far off the mark.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Months like last month make both of us wonder how people survive having kids. We can barely come up for air right now and we only have to take care of ourselves (which, admittedly, we're barely subpar at as is).

      Delete
    2. Thankfully mine are older and can mostly care for themselves. No way in hell would I have a baby. This age is really good because when work gets crazy and I'm running late, they are usually at after school activities and don't even notice.

      Delete
  6. Hey how could liking porn be a bad thing for the next Britney? Isn't that sort of how Kim Kartrashian sort of got famous?

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    1. Well, in all fairness, this pop goddess IS my sister-in-law, so A) I don't want to see my brother-in-law in porn B) I don't want to see her cheat on him C) I don't want to see her getting plowed, period D) all of the above at once (porn is getting weird these days).

      Delete
  7. Actually, I was thinking, "How can you two time travel? Nearly all models of time travel eventually result in unresolvable paradoxes that indicate that time travel wouldn't be logically feasible."

    But hey, six of one, half dozen of another, right?

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    1. Also, was the tuxedo t-shirt part of your ploy to get out of jury duty? If so, well played!

      Delete
    2. And we, as idiots, read your statement and reply with a resounding "HUH?" Imagine mouths agape, collecting flies, for full effect.

      And truth be told, I don't have a tuxedo t-shirt (I need to remedy that) but I DID wear my shirt that says "A man chooses. A slave obeys." with a fist in the air. Got a few nasty glances for it, but ultimately didn't need it.

      Delete
    3. Ah, even better choice. Fight the power!

      So what I've ultimately learned from this post is that there is no "getting out" of jury duty in the absurdist sitcom sense that it's typically understood. If you really want out, you just say so. I don't know if that should make me feel better or worse about the people serving on my jury if I ever find myself in that predicament. On the one hand, at least I'm not dealing with disgruntled people held against their will and looking to decide my fate as quickly as possible. On the other hand, it means my jury will be composed of:

      A. People with nothing better to do.

      B. People eager to do their "civic duty" that can tell if people look guilty if they just squint at them hard enough.

      C. People too meek to say, "Uhhh, I don't feel like doing this."

      D. Senile people who wandered into the jury box thinking they were waiting in line at Taco Bell.

      Not sure how I'd go over with that crowd.

      Delete
    4. As mentioned to someone below, not every judge is so nice about that, though. To copy/paste...

      I've heard people say things like, "I'm unemployed and am down to my very $20. I had to drive 30 minutes to get here, and don't have money to keep filling up my tank if the trial lasts a long time. Plus, this is valuable time I need to spend finding a job." To which the judge said, "A bus pass is cheap and you can read the help wanted ads in the newspaper during breaks. Not my problem."

      So.... I can see why there are people too meek to say anything.

      Delete
  8. Good thing Britney's little sister wasn't her idol or perhaps she'd be knocked up before she was 18 and have to awkwardly cancel her Nickelodeon show.

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    1. We went over the numbers and now that my pop star is over the age of 19 we've found that the chances of teen pregnancy have dropped dramatically.

      Delete
  9. OK-buying a bigger house means you will be getting more stuff and soon, you will see you have so much stuff that when you are ready to move to a smaller place, like a home, you will see your treasures go for 25 cents in a garage sale. Moving is hell. OK the picture you show in a reply-is that your sis in law Britney Spears wanna be? If so, she already looks better than Britney. You had me laughing at your drawings of Britney...too too funny. Oh-just busy with the A to Z and i fell behind and am not nearly as busy as you are

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Most of the stuff I buy is 25 cent garage sale stuff so if I can get that when selling it back it's a 100% return. That's not bad.

      And yep, that's her. She's better looking AND can carry a tune, so if Britney made it, I see no reason why she can't. Being pretty and being able to sing is usually most of the battle.

      Delete
  10. Wow you really have been busy. So you're really in charge of a new starlet? And reality shows really aren't real? This has shattered my world. Nothing will ever be the same again. It's good that you guys are still writing given all the extra stuff you're doing. I can barely keep up with my writing and I can't do any fiction writing. Good luck staying on top of it all guys.

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    1. I really am in charge of a new starlet. Her picture is posted above in the comments, of her next to Britney Spears' outfit from Toxic, taken at a Britney Spears Museum or whatever is keeping Britney Spears financially secure these days.

      And yeah, don't responsibilities suck? It makes me want to kick myself for all of the writing time I had 4-5 years ago that I never properly utilized. These days I'd give my left arm for even half of that free writing time.

      Delete
  11. Have you ever considered just tossing the jury duty notice?

    That way it's your word versus the post office that you ever got it.

    You have good odds at winning that one.

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    1. Actually, the jury duty notice got delivered to my parents' house. I considered playing the "I don't live here anymore, so I never got it" card, but if they asked my parents to confirm that they would never lie for me because they're honest to a fault, even if that honesty means me landing in jail.

      Delete
  12. I did miss your last non-post and was wondering what became of you two. Good to know it was just time travel and nothing too serious.

    As for the house buying selling..I offer my condolences and congratulations simultaneously. After years and years of being a Realtor, I have decided home buying and home selling have sunk lower than being abducted by aliens and being probed for their edification. Of course, I am only assuming that would be unpleasant.
    At this point in time closing dates are a moving target, lenders are prone to mass paranoia, and sellers vs buyers invariably take cues from previous war documentaries.

    As for the day jobs....inheritances are a great career path. Wish I would of chosen that route but I guess my parent would of had to had a say as well. He chose to marry a person my age and leave everything to her. I work out diligently in hopes that I will outlive her but it's not looking good. She seems pretty healthy which I assume is so she can have enough time to go through his money.

    Britney Spears wanna be, huh? Seems like a manageable goal. Is she prepared to marry some poor slob for 55 days, Oh..wait..she is already married so she has missed an important step. Well, it's not too late to shave her head and get fat. Now it appears that down the road she should get enough work on her face that nobody will recognize her and she can relaunch her career as second time as an unknown.

    Glad you guys are back. Looking forward to the book launch. As always my pocketbook is waiting in anticipation.

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    1. Well, she and my brother-in-law are both millionaires (independently of one another, at that) so I think if she skipped the whole marrying a slob thing she can skip the whole fat, bald, and crazy thing. Fingers crossed. I'm pulling for her and doing everything I can to help her succeed.

      As for the home buying/selling, let's just say things aren't made easier when the interested buyer's realtor is the buyer's aunt, and she isn't even technically a realtor, and she spends way too much time trying to get the homeseller (Brandon) to replace tens of thousands of dollars' worth of stuff that A) is completely fine and B) he's not replacing anyway, because fuck you, lady.

      Delete
    2. Well..it seems Britney should be your SILs wanna-be. It sounds like SIL is doing great. Perhaps Britney should of picked someone(s) more substantial than Alexander and Federline.

      Yeah, the whole sort-of Realtor that has a bias because she is an aunt isn't a good thing. Tens of thousands of dollars in repairs???? Never have I seen someone ask for anything close to that. Are the buyers and their aunt crazy? Hope the deal on the house he is buying is moving more smoothly.

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    3. The whole house selling thing officially went through, to which we say thank god because yes, they seemed to think that Brandon was just going to dump $50,000 into the house in completely unnecessary repairs in order to sell it. It's like trying to buy someone's perfectly running car, but you'll only do it if the owner spends $7k of their own money to replace the engine first. What idiot would ever agree to that that?

      Delete
  13. Welcome back! I'm glad to see this was nothing like a Welcome Back, Kotter reunion. And I'm sure with Bryan as this new singer's PR manager you won't get any Welcome Back, Cooters. (Dang, I remember so little about Spears. Why do I have to remember that car picture? Don't worry. I won't post the image. I want you guys to keep writing and not blind you.)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I have never laughed at a Welcome Back, Kotter joke. Until now. Thank you for that.

      You know the wonderful irony of that picture? Years ago, when she first started, millions of teen boys everywhere said, "Wow, I want to see that girl naked!" Then, years later, when that picture came out, they all rescinded and said, "Uh... I take that back. Gross."

      Delete
  14. Hey, well congrats on getting an agent in the first place. I've sent my manuscript to roughly 40 agents, all rejections.

    And being the PR manager for an aspiring pop star actually sounds like a cool job. Reminds me of Ryan Reynolds' character in Just Friends.

    Also, congrats to Brandon on the move and the family business.

    I'm looking forward to reading the new novel!

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    1. In our experience agents can be some of the biggest flakes. We have a writer friend (a very successful one, mind you, who's sold movie rights for his biggest seller) who's fired, I think, six of them now.

      And funny that you mention Just Friends because I've actually gained 300 lbs and am ashamed to ever show a picture of myself on this blog, which is why we're all cartoons!

      (Not really, that just sounded funny)

      Delete
  15. I won't even go into the whole selling/buying a house thing.
    Worse thing ever.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Absolutely. You think buying a car is a nightmare? Oh, my sweet, summer child, just buy a house. It's like buying a car... except that process takes 30-60 days straight instead of 3 hours.

      Delete
  16. Fecking hell, you guys have a good old life there! Very jealous of most of it!

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    1. Life ain't that bad at all, outside of the hallucinations, the crippling depression, and the uncontrollable night terrors.

      Delete
  17. B&B:
    Okay, in a word for what you two have been up to...WOW!
    Selling OR buying a house these days is one of those two-edged swords. Wifey watches those house hunter shows, and I can only imagine the angst you go through.
    Good that you're getting that novel closer to the elusive best-seller list, too.
    (any thought as to who you want for the movie adaptation?)
    Hey, never hurts to think ahead, right?
    Keep on keepin' on, guys.
    (A Britney Spears wannabe??? Seriously??? LMAO.)

    Stay safe & always classy out there.

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    1. Yeah, and that's part of the problem - everyone thinks they're a professional house hunter now, which only serves to needlessly prolong the process. And let me just say, she's no wannabe. She's already got Britney beat by a mile. Not that that's saying much, but still.

      Delete
  18. Bryan, love the cheesy "tuxedo t-shirt" you wore to court and your classic non-lawyer's clueless attempts to speak legalese! Brandon, great to see that you and the missus are movin' on up! She's still looking at you through those luuuuuv-goggles too!

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    1. We're both still in the single-digit years for being wed to our lovely beards so we're holding onto those puppy-eyed love goggles as hard as we can, before they become narrowed eyes and shaking heads.

      Delete
  19. >>... Writing the script for her upcoming reality show (apologies to the 4 people that thought reality shows are real for ruining that for you).

    IT'S STILL REAL TO ME, DAMN IT!

    And I wanna thank you for saying what needed to be said.

    So, were you an alternate juror, or simply not selected at all? I was an alternate once, and that's the worst of all possible scenarios.

    Now, at the first opportunity, I just tell 'em the truth: "I DO NOT TRUST POLICE OFFICERS AND I WILL NOT BELIEVE ANY TESTIMONY PRESENTED BY A COP ON THE STAND."

    The next thing I hear is: "Thank you, Mister McCarthy. You may go now." The truth does have its advantages.

    I'm still reading my advance copy of TUCK WATLEY and it's really funny. I read it while on my throne. And though that may seem condescending or sumpin', actually it feels "right" somehow. I think Tuck would approve.

    Tuck reminds me of Ed Wood in that no matter how much he's disrespected, he always bounces back and does not allow his utter ineptitude to derail his optimism and determination to live the dream!

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I just wasn't selected at all, which works fine for me. I'm going to have to remember that police line, though. That's gold. The judges here are particularly ruthless. They always ask people if they have a valid excuse for not being able to serve, and I've heard people say things like, "I'm unemployed and am down to my very $20. I had to drive 30 minutes to get here, and don't have money to keep filling up my tank if the trial lasts a long time. Plus, this is valuable time I need to spend finding a job." To which the judge said, "A bus pass is cheap and you can read the help wanted ads in the newspaper during breaks. Not my problem."

      I love how some dumbass broke the law, needs a trial because of it, and now someone like that poor unemployed guy has to be punished for it. Great job, America. Brilliant idea.

      Oh, and I too think Tuck would want you to read him while surfing the porcelain throne. Better than while praying to it, anyway.

      Delete
  20. Releasing the new book ON MY BIRTHDAY! Sure hope this doesn't give any one any ideas...

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    1. Well it gave me an idea, but I just don't know where I'd find a one-legged hamster and a roll of duct tape at this time of night.

      Delete
  21. Wow! Real Estate Transactions? Jury Duty? Agent-Firing Drama? Seriously, you guys live the lives of Hollywood Action Heroes! Just add in a few explosions, a gun in your belts, and some five 'o' clock shadow on your faces, and you're in!

    Wow! You fired your agent so hard she actually gave up on agent-ing and decided to pursue a different career? Geez! I never thought you guys could be so brutal. But hey, if she screwed things up that badly, it's probably best for her to move on to another career path. Something she can really succeed with. How about culinary school? Or real estate?

    I'm super excited about your new book! I remember when you guys first told us all about it, and I've been waiting for you to publish it since then! Can't wait to read it!

    What's been going on in my life? Well let's see...I'd have to say...school. And now not school. I graduate this Friday, and after that all I have to worry about is having a fabulous Summer Vacation. And then 2 years of graduate school. But still, we just keep moving forward!

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    1. Yeah yeah, rub it in that I can't grow that five o'clock shadow all of the action stars are raving about. I guess I'll never be thrilling and daring.

      And yes, our agent admitted that she probably shouldn't be an agent anymore, and was going to quit to pursue her dream of writing. Her problem, ultimately, was that she was focused way too much on her own career to the point that she completely neglected ours. Ultimately, re: quitting, I think she made the right call.

      And hey, who's to say your life isn't that exciting? Grow your own five o'clock shadow, call in a bomb threat, drop kick your teacher, and suddenly school has become its own action thriller.

      Delete
    2. You should write an action movie script. "A college student, with a five o' clock shadow, total contempt for the rules, and something to prove calls in a bomb threat and drop kicks the teacher. What she does next is unthinkable!..."

      Yep. I think it's a winner. I mean, it practically writes itself.

      Delete
    3. Principal: B-but... what are you doing back here? I thought you GRADUATED?
      You: It's... Cand-ICE to see you again. *cocks dual shotguns*

      Delete
    4. Candice: "Yeah, remember that time you gave my flawless essay an A-? Well, here's YOUR A-, Bitc#!!!"

      Principal: "B-b-but, I didn't give you that A-! Professor Numbnutz did! And I fired him for selling weed to the students!"

      Candice: "......."

      Candice: "Oh yeah. That's right. Well...I guess we're done here." (Un-cocks guns) "I'll just go, then. Uh...yeah." (Stalks off, head held high, then sticks her head back into the room) "Um...on an unrelated note, would you happen to have a current address for Professor Numbnutz? You know, I'd sure love to send him a Christmas card this year."

      Principal: "Sure. No problem!" (Presses intercom) "Sheila, could you get me Professor Numbnutz's address please?"

      Delete
  22. I've missed visiting you guys! Congrats on the new book, one new house, no-jury jury duty, and anything else I missed.

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    1. Hey thanks! We also thwarted a terrorist attack and ran over penguins in a snow humvee. Or maybe that was just the book. I can't discern reality and fiction anymore.

      Delete
  23. I have no idea what parts of this were true and which were jokes. I assume the cardboard box part was real, since a) living in a cardboard box is no laughing matter, and b) the second box really does look like an upgrade.

    [im]http://65.media.tumblr.com/5d75b8a08c400708e165ff48fd57a662/tumblr_inline_mvrpdpprqU1rekuia.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You caught us. The jury duty part wasn't true, because Bryan's an ex-con and as we all know ex-cons can't vote or participate in jury duty or touch their elbows behind their backs. Also, we're not really releasing a book. When people buy it, it's just going to be 431 blank pages cushioned between that beautiful cover. But by the time they realize it we'll be in Mexico, with new passports and face-altering plastic surgery, living with our hundreds of new dollars. Suckers.

      Oh yes, the con life is definitely for us.

      Delete
    2. 431 blank pages... but they would be 431 excellent blank pages, right?

      Delete
    3. The best damn blank pages you ever feasted your retinas on.

      Delete
  24. That must be a tad mind numbing with the pop star. Anything to do with reality tv kills a few brain cells. Writing it must be worse. Getting out of jury duty was super easy, who knew. Hopefully Brandon upgrades to a tent when his business keeps on a booming.

    Life is sure getting in the way of writing a bit here, but I'm ahead so I can pretend I'm still writing away.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We're just envious of your ability to be ahead of schedule on blogging. Meanwhile, at any given time, we're at least 2 weeks behind.

      And the tent is coming later. First the refrigerator box, then the pillow fort, THEN the tent. You have to build up gradually. Buy smart.

      Delete
  25. Wow, you guys have been busy. PLEASE PLEASE no more "reality tv", too much. What have I been up to? Mostly scratching myself inappropriately.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, it'll be on YouTube, so thankfully it won't be shoved down your throat. Unless YouTube reality shows are your thing. In which case, this will totally be up your alley.

      Delete
  26. Britney Spears? Jeezus, try something with a little class. You know like Rosanne Barr or Carly Fiorina. Sorry, bad examples, but so is Britknee.
    I really like the real estate upgrade. There's a lot you can do with that.

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    1. Well, she was going to be the next Lindsay Lohan, but she just does NOT do enough meth for that. Her current usage currently being zero.

      Delete
  27. Who wouldn't want to be the next Britney Spears? Just wondering. Those are memorable last words, too. They beat, "...grrrreat Prius!"

    ReplyDelete
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    1. How about, "That's a grrrreat Prius, Britney Spears!"? Nah, wouldn't happen.

      Delete
  28. Wow, you guys have a lot going on! Now i'm super curious about what it's like to manage a future pop star. I would literally post cat photos for her all day. I would not be employed long.

    Congrats on the new house!

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    1. I don't think cats sell records. Then again, no one's ever tried it, so the cat-selling angle has not even been explored. Gia, you're hired.

      Delete
  29. All I've been doing is the A to Z. Glad you sold the house and found another. As for you Bryan, promoting a rock star???

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I guess that makes me one step closer to being a literary rock star?

      Delete
  30. Time Travel to the past? I'd like that now, please. Britney Spears - I'm surprised she is still on the radar, but whatever . . .can we send some of these misbehaving newbies back to the past, say Victorian times?

    ReplyDelete
  31. Wow - you guys have been busy I was actually wondering what happened to you as you usually post once a week. Funny, about the jury duty stuff as I had jury duty a week ago..haha...

    Congrats on the upscale house and at least you don't have to move far. Good luck with the upcoming pop star. Are you writing stuff from a women's perspective or a man?

    Are you sure you aren't living in a parallel world? I sure the heck think I am at times. haha...

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    1. Oh yes, I'm writing from her perspective, so I have to channel my inner goddess. Needless to say, it's been... challenging. My inner goddess has been tainted by years of beer drinking and football and MMA. My idea of hugging it out is putting someone in rear naked choke and choking them unconscious. That doesn't solve many problems. Especially marital ones.

      Delete
  32. I've missed you guys, even in the midst of an emergency move to Florida... really need to improve my aim.

    May 16th is now on my calendar!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And we've missed you while Brandon was making an emergency move down the street. Funny how that works, isn't it?

      Delete
  33. I don't know about your boxes, but I saw a new refrigerator in my future and it came in a huge box. Is that science or what?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Refrigerator that comes with a free house? You just can't beat that kind of deal.

      Delete
  34. Yikes. Sounds like you two are having a rough time adulting. I hope it works out for you. And... please. If we have another Britney, don't let her be... you know... like... another Britney.

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    1. Well, we may suck at adulting, but we CAN stop a future trainwreck Britney Spears. The first time around we were way too young to do anything, but now... I was born for this.

      Delete
  35. Time travel??? I am still trying to wrap my head around the simple fact we will now have to DRIVE to visit you. DRIVE!

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    1. Anything worth visiting is worth driving for.

      - Mountains
      - Good beer
      - High quality non-Colfax prostitutes
      - A trip to Flavortown, USA
      - Brandon

      ~Bryan

      The train to Flavortown, USA now boarding
      [im]http://www.paragraphline.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/paula-dean-riding-a-bacon-wrapped-hot-dog.jpg[/im]

      Delete
    2. Aight... you convinced me with the high quality non-Colfax Avenue prostitutes... you have a point there.
      It's just... so... sad.... without them there...

      Delete
  36. Wow, you guys are really keeping yourselves busy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's either that or slowly wait for the inevitability of death so call us optimists.

      Delete
  37. Congrats to Brandon on his new home,to Bryan on his new pop star, and to both of you on your new book! I'm sure Tuck is filled with hilarious action-packed adventures! I'm almost as excited as Paula Deen is in the pic right now!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's be honest, riding a bacon wrapped Guy Fieri hot dog would be an astoundingly hilarious action-packed adventure. Our story is a great one, but in that case, we would humbly accept second place.

      Delete
  38. The best way to get out of jury duty is to preface each response with "According to the prophecy..."

    Congrats on all that has transpired this past month.

    Mary
    #AtoZChallenge Reflections and #IWSG

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, that's brilliant! I wonder if they'd let me bring in some stone tablets?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nXeTsWGPT0w

      Delete
  39. You guys have a lot going on. Your stress level might be close to shaved-head Britney level. Is your aspiring pop star the same person who has this tattoo?
    [im]http://66.media.tumblr.com/8346b4259a33b7f44227ff08da13a43a/tumblr_npcblcFfGM1twnwv6o1_1280.jpg[/im]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not sure which is more horrifying, the fact that someone got this tattoo, or that, let's be honest, it's pretty damn well done.

      Delete
  40. Wow, you did fire that agent hard.
    Moving always sucks. Think you'll need a bigger box though.
    And now we get another Britney Spears? Crap...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We'd like to think the agent cried. She probably didn't, but we'd like to think she did.

      Delete
  41. Crazy and a half cup. This is life, right?!? You should see what I was doing this last month--not nearly so pleasant as buying/selling a house or managing a PR campaign. Just as busy though.

    Britney Spears... Psha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, this is life. We'd actually love to know what you did last month, and we hope it involves laser sharks.

      Delete
  42. Hmm yay for the new house, Brandon!!!
    Bryan, all you had to say to get out of jury duty quickly was tell them you needed to get back to Britney Spears 2.0 —a.k.a. The Bryanized Britney. I think it would have worked. Also, I'm equally as scared as I'm curious to see what your influence will have on this chick. lol

    Congrats on you guys for the upcoming release!!! Sounds hilarious. And buh-bye agent. Or non-agent. Glad you guys are back in control. (PS-water gun giveaways would be funny)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If anything, you should feel hopeful knowing that I'm going to mold the next Britney, rather than whatever awful demonspawn created the original trainwreck.

      And a giveaway, you say? We may have to steal, uh I mean graciously use your idea.

      Delete
  43. >>..."but we both have the uncanny ability to propel time forward and leave behind entire weeks at a time."

    Holy shit - you two, too? I thought I was the only idiot capable of that. AND I am successful, (smile).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hell yes. I'd rather be a successful idiot than a smart failure.

      Delete
  44. May the Fourth be with you!
    Just hanging out celebrating my anniversary in the blogosphere, cuz romantic.

    Can't wait for the book!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "And may you also live long and prosper." - Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings: The Twin Towers

      Delete
  45. Two busy little psycho Chihuahuas you have been (if you've ever seen/owned/experienced a rodent dog like this, you would understand completely that sentence). Glad to see that you got that espresso machine running 24/7.

    Father Nature's Corner

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe it or not, I used to have a chihuahua and he was the calmest, sweetest dog I've ever seen. Yeah, I don't get it either. Maybe he thought he was a cat in a dog costume.

      Delete
  46. Are you saying that you allow life to interfere with blogging? Preposterous! Actually I just wanted to use the word "preposterous". Life has been interfering with my blogging a lot lately. I don't know that I'm that much better for it either.

    The last time I went for jury service I said that I thought the guy on trial was guilty because he had already been identified as a gang member. The judge proceeded to give me a lecture about fair trials or something--I wasn't paying much attention because I wanted to leave--and then shortly thereafter I was dismissed. Boy, was I glad because the damn jury process was interfering with my blogging.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your use of the word preposterous is simply preposterous! (I wanted to say it too)

      Geez, there are so many great ways to get out of jury duty here. I'm going to have to remember all of them and roll them all into one gigantic ball of crazy that'll get me excused in mere minutes.

      "Your Honor, according to the prophecy I believe this man is guilty because he's been identified as a gang member. Also, I don't trust the police. White power."

      Delete
  47. Bryan seriously all you have to is tell them you're a white supremacist and they'll send you right home. Works every time, I promise.

    Sorry the agent didn't work out. I gave up on finding an agent, as I'm pretty sure I have now received rejection letters from every English-speaking literary agency in the world. No joke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This all takes place in our small hometown where everyone knows everyone so I'm not sure I want my mother to have to suffer through the pain of, "Did you know your son is in the KKK?"

      As for the agent, you're probably better off without one. All our acceptance letter and contract got us was a chick who ignored us for 6 months while our novel sat in a drawer collecting dust, because work is hard.

      Delete
  48. I honestly think I'd be scared for my life if I was involved with jury duty for a murder case. Especially if they're found guilty. So 'grats on dodging that!
    Hope the new home is a better fit. Also hope to see Ms.Next Britney Spears someday. Haha.
    Also, I'll definitely be checking out your book when finished. And writing as a critic for it. Haha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A few years back I was involved in a case where one woman slashed another woman across the face so badly she disfigured her for life. That was pretty surreal.

      And if you critique us, which we hope you do, please do be honest. But just remember that I now know how to cut a bitch.

      Delete
  49. No matter what you tell me, I will never believe that reality television is not real. It's totally real. So what that I've seen edits (so much so that I look for them now i.e.: clocks in the background, cars parking/driving in the background, drink/food levels on the table, etc) I will always believe what I see on TV and what I read on the internet. What's that you say? This pill will make me thin AND make me grow three more inches? Where do I send my $599?

    That cover is awesome!!! Then again, they always are! So sorry to hear about the agent but you guys are your best agents, I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay, that's pretty brilliant. I never thought of looking at stuff like that while watching reality tv. If I ever watch reality tv, for some reason, I will definitely look for that. It sounds like a fun kind of game.

      Delete