Monday, May 9, 2016

#08 - If You Love Me, Let Me Go








104 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. I wonder when it will ever be meant to be? We have lost a LOT of dogs now.

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    2. Sorry for writing my comment up here, but the normal box at the bottom of the list disappeared!

      Does this remind anyone else of the southpark scene where paris hilton's little chihuahua grabbed paris' gun and shot itself in the limo? No? Early 2000's anyone?

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    3. YOU CAN ONLY WRITE IN YOUR ASSIGNED WHITE BOX AND NOWHERE ELSE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

      Actually, I think Google was having issues, but they seem to be ironed out now.

      Also, this.
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Xf6Tx9NwBU

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    4. I have met both Paris Hilton and her chihuahua... it loved me immediately, leapt into my arms, and bit her when she tried to take it back.

      It didn't hurt my feelings one bit to see them both leave.

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    5. I don't doubt that for a second. Apparently it died last year. She said it died of old age, but I say its body finally expired after years of giggly, idiotic torture.

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  2. Dogs always love you back, unless you're an abusive asshole. But then, even God himself won't love you back. In your mind he will, but in reality he'll put you on his "make it rain on their birthday" list.

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    1. Maybe there was just a translation error on the way down to Earth, and this was really the intended version of "make it rain on their birthday."

      [im]https://media2.giphy.com/media/mGiMJUiEGDlnO/200.gif[/im]

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    2. Replying here because I feel nobody ever checks back, much in the same way I usually don't. (Sorry.)
      Glad to hear you liked that little thing I shat out, and thanks for noticing that typo! Since you seem pretty excited about my words, here's another short story thing you seemed to have missed. I also wrote a little skit-like thing based on a webcomic idea I totally intend on executing on one day. (After I master the art of the digital pencil, that is.)
      So yeah, just plugging that in here. ;D

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    3. Awwww yeah, you saw our last week post, so you know that April was a clusterfuck (technical term). We missed a lot of good stuff. Any time we don't see anything like that, feel free to just post it. From anyone else it's called spam and gets our utmost ridicule, but for our friends, we say enjoy the free promo to anyone who happens to stumble upon it.

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    4. Thanks for reading! <3
      The "they/their" for the Chef was actually supposed to signify gender neutrality, what with an underworldly demon having no use for labels and all. But I also like your interpretation of the Chef being a single entity representing/actually being a collective of nasties.

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  3. The dog loved you so much that it sacrificed itself knowing the financial burden you'd be under as a results of all those vet bills.

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    1. Ohhhh, now I get it, he DID love Brandon. I wish I would have known that before we threw his tattered corpse in the garbage, instead of respectfully having it cremated, saying a quiet eulogy, and then throwing the ashes in the garbage.

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  4. That actually happened to a friend of mine once. Except the dog wasn't a stray, it was a VERY expensive purebred dog. Bred for looks, not for brains. The second day he had it, the idiot dog ran out into traffic. End of story. The next dog he got came from the pound.

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    1. My dogs are pretty dumb. They aren't very good at sitting, laying down, can't shake hands. But the first thing I taught them was that they always come back to me when I yell for them, and that has saved me many a headache when they saw something in the street that their tiny pea brains told them they should investigate.

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  5. I think maybe you should just get a stuffed animal. They won't leave and even if they get run over, they spring right back to life....kinda.

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    1. Well, I can sew an arm back on with no problem, but how do you iron out tire marks?

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  6. Well, it was just an ugly cartoon dog anyway. No real loss, Brandon. Bryan can always draw you another one. Buck up, Little Beer Brother.

    ~ D-FensDogG

    POSTSCRIPT:
    Oops. Hope I didn't ruin this by pulling back the curtain.

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    1. You can't see it, but I'm drawing Brandon some tiny cartoon tears for spoiling his reality.

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  7. Proving yet again that love hurts... or maybe that should be stupidity hurts? (Which, to some people, is the same thing...)

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    1. Love just isn't love unless at some point you feel like you've been run over by car.

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  8. Wow, you must have really had a bad funk if the dog didn't even want to sniff you first. Maybe death was preferable. Forget to wash while drinking beer in the shower?

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    1. Well, sometimes when you're showering and you've had your 4th beer you forget about things like soap. And water.

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  9. Well, I say that was entirely the dog's fault. He had love and happiness right there in his paws, and he just threw it all away! Pfft! Well

    Brandon doesn't need that kind of heartache in his life. He should get himself a pet rock. They never run away, because their love is so strong!

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    1. Seeing as how he was a stray dog, we think he may have been into drugs. The toxicology report is still pending, but we would not be surprised if bath salts were in his system at the time of death.

      And a pet rock is a great pet, but only if it's the kind that has googly eyes.

      [im]https://img1.etsystatic.com/057/0/7495179/il_570xN.694188121_eqvw.jpg[/im]

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    2. That pet rock looks like he should have a really cool name, like "Chet". Chet the Pet Rock. Hey! That could be a cartoon character! "Chet the Pet Rock Learns the True Meaning of Christmas"...

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    3. Great, you ruined our Christmas special. :(

      Well, I guess it's the message that counts. That message being "bathe everyone you love in sweet, cleansing flames to absolve their blackened souls."

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  10. That must be why I used to be so possessive in relationships. I figured if they left they might get hurt by something or someone. It was only later that I learned it just doesn't get any better than me, so if they left it was because they were lesbians or just extremely stupid and I was better off without them. Then I learned to embrace the loneliness and just own it.

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    1. I've just learned that this whole saying is bullshit because the one time my wife got out of the basement she called the police and it became a huge thing and let's just say the rope's a little stronger now.

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    2. Exactly! You may want to consider cable so she can't chew through it.

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    3. Yeah, just not electrical wire. I found out the hard way 10,000 volts ago.

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    4. So you turn women queer, do you Jono? Thanks!

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  11. I had a dog commit suicide on me once. Now, for pets, I only have suicidal gerbils. Really saves me time on the viking funeral.
    [im]http://www.gifbin.com/bin/042010/1270812020_duck-hunt-dog-commits-suicide.gif[/im]

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    1. Looks like you just need to get a stronger dog. Mine is shotgun proof. That's hard to beat.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0mx9dO3BxI

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  12. That thing about it coming back to you - I don't believe it. . .I had a dog that got hit by a car when I was ten. It didn't kill him but he gradually went blind from internal injuries. I've never had another dog since then. My mom had him put down while I was at school. A cat I had died on the operating table, he was a travellin' cat and had come with me from Georgia. He got feline leukemia in Canada from another outdoor cat. Bummer.

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    1. We don't believe that either, with people or animals. All of the outdoor cats that I had growing up died way too early. All of the ones I've kept purely indoors have lived over 17 years (at the very least). Indoor - definitely the way to go. I'm considering keeping my wife confined to the house if it means extending her lifespan.

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  13. I wish they wouldn't love me so much. Oddly enough I have discovered a correlation with how many dogs/cats that love you and how few dates you have. I am one pet away from being the crazy lady on the Simpsons

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    1. At one point I had 6 animals and am happily married. The secret, I think, is finding another crazy animal person. We like to stick together.

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    2. Damn they must all be taken then. The last guy I dated looked at my friendliest cat (she wanted to sit on his shoulder) like it was something rotten and asked me to get it away from him. That was the last date with him.

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    3. I bet you looked at him like he was something rotten and then asked your cat to get him away from you.

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  14. B&B:
    God, that is both funny AND cruel at the same time (now I'm wondering what kind of creep that makes me, 'cause I love animals)...
    Plus, it's raining AND a Monday.
    Gonna be one of THOSE weeks.
    Wish I could let most of the "neighbors" go in a similar fashion...
    (I can dream, for the price is right...FREE).

    Good post.

    Stay safe out there, guys.

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    Replies
    1. Yes, if you love your neighbors, let them run out into traffic. The smart ones will survive, and really, those are the only neighbors worth having.

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    2. And he has NO neighbors like that!

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  15. Meant to be?
    I don't even know what that means.
    2+2 was meant to be 4?

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    1. Yes, but only if it truly loves it and the fates have dictated it. If not, it very well could be 5 or 6. We really don't know.

      This statement brought to you by Common Core Math.

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  16. That was rough. The dog needed some serious counseling. You should've taken it to a shrink.

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  17. Honestly, I had a dog actually commit suicide. We were going to leave, and he stuck his head under the back wheel of the car. Several times. Dad finally said, "He'll get out when he hears the motor start." Guess again. Not sure why we didn't just throw his ass in the garage and close the door, The whole thing seemed sorta surreal. Possible motive: A little black dog who got named Coaly because he was "as black as Coalie's ass". Ah for the younger world when PC didn't exist.

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    1. I hope you're ready to issue a public apology and meet with Al Sharpton for dropping that comment.

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  18. As Emperor of Peta, I disapprove of this cartoon. I'm informing President Donald Trump as we speak.

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    1. Pass along that the dog's name was Rosie O'Donnell and I'm sure he'll understand/this whole thing will just go away.

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  19. I always thought that that was a strange saying.

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    1. *evicts wife from house*
      Wife: What the hell are you doing?
      Me: I want to see if you really love me, so I'm letting you go and then seeing if you come back.
      Wife: Well, that's dumb. I want to come back now.
      Me: That's not how it works. You'd better hurry; the homeless shelter closes in 15 minutes.

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  20. Poor little dog. If he was a Mexican dog, President Trump wouldn't care although I forgot, he loves Hispanics.

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    1. Well, he loves taco bowls*, so I think I'm confident in saying that Trump genuinely loves Mexicans.

      [im]http://i2.wp.com/fusion.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Donald_J__Trump_on_Twitter___Happy__CincoDeMayo__The_best_taco_bowls_are_made_in_Trump_Tower_Grill__I_love_Hispanics__https___t_co_ufoTeQd8yA_https___t_co_k01Mc6CuDI_.jpg?resize=472%2C664&quality=80&strip=all[/im]

      *taco bowls are not even Mexican

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  21. The amount of detail in your hand in the fourth frame is amazing.

    Long gone are the days of football hands.

    Now I'm entranced by the amazing amount of detail. Fingernails!I never even knew you wore pink nail polish.

    The future is amazing.

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    Replies
    1. It's hard to point with a football. Or give a thumbs up. We had to evolve. We were forced.

      We tried stark white with focus groups and the 18-35 group said it looked like we had cancer. So we opted for a light, natural pink. Cherry red tested very positively with the gay male demographic, but the data still hasn't come back yet on why.

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  22. I don't want the doggy to get hit by the car. Do it over, and draw a happy ending for me.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. You should be happy to know that the dog is actually okay. It's kind of like when Wile E. Coyote gets blown up with dynamite, has black soot on him for about 2 seconds, and then is perfectly fine. That's how things work in the cartoon world.

      The car, on the other hand, that's a complete loss. The cartoon owner is NOT happy.

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  23. I really didn't see where that was going. You guys are so bad. Do they offer counseling in Colorado? Or maybe a little legal mind calming herbs.

    Susan Says

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    1. Well, why do you think the dog ran straight into the car? He was tripping out of his mind on all of those mary-joo-annas.

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  24. I just watched the season finale of The Good Wife. They used the song Better by Regina Spektor rather spectacularly for it. Why am I telling you this? Well... because I read this depressing post and thought of the whole thing again. And now I feel the need to share it with you...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vo-c3yFyNw

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    1. We tried to kiss the dog where it was sore and only ended up with a mouthful of bloody intestine. Thanks for nothing, Regina!

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  25. Awe, that actually made me feel bad, but then I've been having another bad day!

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    1. Well, take solace in knowing that we're both really good dog owners, to the point of being ridiculous with our animals, and this is just a silly joke because we'd probably jump in front of a car before we let one hit even a random stray dog?

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    2. Thanks, I needed to hear that.

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  26. Well...now there is a dog that really knows how to play dead. He must of been a subscriber to "method acting". Really living the part for realism or would that be "dying the part" for realism. Oh well...let's just let dead dogs lie.


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    1. Those puns were quite hilarious but let's not beat a dead dog. Uh, I mean horse.

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  27. Poor doggie....didn't know what hit him and that sucks. On the other hand he could have had rabies, bite you and, before you know it, you become a dog zombie, where you go around biting others and humping their legs

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    1. I guess the fact that he single-handedly prevented a dog zombie apocalypse means he loved Brandon after all. Eating brains is one thing, but humping legs is just humiliating for any reanimated corpse.

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  28. Funny, I was thinking earlier that when I follow my heart, I find wounded puppies - ugly ones too - like the one that got killed up there. This brings me to believe that the heart is stupid. Well, mine is anyway.



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    1. I don't think any of us have a heart that's intelligent. We're writers. If I listened to my brain I'd be a surgeon making 6 figures a year, not a writer wondering how much mercury poisoning he'll get from eating canned tuna every single day for the past month.

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    2. True. Did I make some epic stupid blunder that effed up your page, though? WTF did I do? I'm really sorry for whatever I did to create that humongous space in my comment. Weird. I tried deleting the whole thing to fix it, but it won't go away. Oh Brian (and Brandon), I never INTEND to complicate your life. I really don't.

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  29. I hate small yappy dogs so I was happy with the ending. I prefer cats, they're not so needy.

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    1. Well, in all fairness to the dog, he didn't yap once, even while getting steamrolled by a sedan.

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    2. I had to google 'sedan', thought it was a hat. UK translation 'saloon' in car parlance. ;)

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    3. I just love the words the UK uses for car types. Saloon, estate, and lorry sound SO much better than sedan, station wagon, and truck. Truck in particular sounds like the literal sound you'd make when projectile vomiting.

      "I don't feel so well. Ugh, it's coming.... TRUUUUUUCK."

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  30. ROFLMAO There's no coming back from that!

    Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle

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    1. Good thing dogs easily look alike so we can just get Brandon a comparable replacement.

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  31. Did you listen when the Rock and Roll gods told us, "LOVE HURTS?"

    This is going to be my new favorite cartoon, bar none. Take that, Simpsons.

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    1. Awesome! Thanks! In this case, love definitely does scar, wound, and mark. It also maims, mangles, and manslaughters. Love is beautiful, really.

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  32. That was terrible! But what's worse is that I laughed, and now I feel guilty. Thanks a lot!

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    1. You're only guilty if you're the one behind the wheel, and since it's so far away (and highly pixelated), I can't quite tell...

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  33. Look on the bright side. At least your carpets will stay clean.

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    1. You say that, but we tracked in so much blood that day. So, so much blood.

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  34. Those clouds seem to be unable to decide whether to stay or go.

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    1. It helps break up the pictures so they're not full of noise, is what I would say if I was a respectable artist. But I'm not, so... clouds are hard.

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  35. Bwahahahahaha!!! I even had to turn around and tell my teenage son to read this. Now we're both laughing. Thanks for that!

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    1. Glad to hear you're corrupting your son early. And that you enjoyed it. But mostly that you're corrupting him early. The future is bright!

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  36. If there is a doggy heaven that asshole ain't going there, no matter what the movies tell us.

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    1. One time he smoked marijuana, so clearly he's burning in dog hell.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8M8I2SYEiA

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  37. Ack! I was certain I commented the other day. With a grumpy cat picture. He probably ate my comment and walked away.

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    1. Actually, you did comment, but your image tag wasn't closed properly so the comment came out all screwed up and - believe it or not - it broke the blog. So I had to delete it. I believe it was this meme, which was a fantastic and hilarious contribution.

      [im]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/f8/f3/3e/f8f33ec9343821832a0183ee29facdc5.jpg[/im]

      So stand tall knowing that you can bring our blog down with but one comment. That's pretty badass.

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    2. Wow. I feel like a conquering warrior! Which I'm really sorry about. I didn't mean to break your blog! Let's just blame it on the cat.

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  38. But . . . like, what if it was heartbreak? Maybe he committed suicide because he thought you broke up with him? How could you???? Bwaaaa *sniff sniff*

    (Thanks for making me feel guilty for laughing so hard, by the way. What kind of mind games are you guys playing???? LOL)

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    1. I've dated a few women that said they were going to kill themselves if I left them (what a confidence booster for me, right? I'm literally worth dying for) but none of them ever actually followed through. +10 points to the dog for commitment.

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  39. If you love me let me go! I never understood that saying..why does this song come to mind, it always makes me cry..sometimes in life we don't know what we have until it is gone..and he let me go...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA

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    1. I'm glad someone posted that song, because I often thought of that while creating this toon. And wow, I can't believe that dude has almost 1 billion hits on YouTube. I remember when that first came out and it had just a few thousand.

      /hipster

      And yes, I don't get that quote either. If someone lets you go, it's usually because they don't want you anymore, which is hurtful. I sure as hell wouldn't kick my wife out and say, "Well, I'm doing this because I love you. If you love me, you'll come back. Just don't come back tonight. I ordered pizza and there's only enough for one."

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  40. Rudest ball of dryer lint with eye balls ever.

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    1. I guess we should have known he'd do such a thing after spending so many hours burning away the moisture on our clothes.

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  41. Lol. Oh. Uh... yeah. Not meant to be.

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