Monday, February 22, 2016

#03 - But What Have the Starving African Children Ever Done for Us?



(in case you're living under a rock...)



107 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Maybe he should rap battle the starving African children for that money.

      ...My bets would be on the children.

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  2. I still don't understand why anyone is interested in this guy. Does he have an unusual penis or something?

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    1. No but he has an unusual ass, which just so happens to be connected to his famous* wife.

      *for making a sex tape with another dude

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  3. Hah, wasn't he signing up for a job at Pizza Hut or something? It's crazy. I wouldn't be surprised if it's all a publicity stunt.
    But maybe he should talk with Trump's dad, about a small loan or something.

    (Also hey, if you have Smash for the Wii U, maybe we can play some 1v1s or 2v1s sometime?)

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    1. Actually, Pizza Hut had the balls to make a joke about him on Twitter, saying he wanted to work there and even uploading a terribly worded resume. You know you're in a sad state when Pizza Hut epically burns you.

      (And I'm not sure what times you're on with that whole time zone difference thing but consider that a possibility! Now to go practice some move spamming...)

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    2. Don't ask me to play early in the morning. I'm up late in the evening though, sometimes. What's the difference, 8 hours? Midnight here would be 4 in your afternoon.
      I'm also on during the day, but that's your nighttime, so eh. I guess I can be fairly flexible though, so just throw me some times and we'll see if we can make it work.
      (Yeah you better practice, I'm legitimately half-decent.)

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    3. The difference is indeed 8 hours, and I don't do mornings either, but I have been doing the whole nocturnal thing lately and staying up until ungodly hours, so that could possibly work. Right now I'm illegitimately a quarter-decent, so let me work up to your level.

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    4. If "ungodly hours" means, say, 3 AM for you, then that's 11 AM for me, which seems doable enough. I'd be on for that on tuesdays, wednesdays and saturdays. ie your monday nights, etc.
      How does friend listing on Wii U work? NNIDs right? You can add me as "MDFang". Maybe a good idea to set up some form of IM as well, for easier scheduling/mid-game chatting? Skype, Discord, Slack, you name it.
      (Yes, I'm following this through. I desperately need more people to play sm4sh with.)

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    5. Okay! So... now, to just figure out... all of that. I'll see about adding you as a friend when I'm on later. I've never actually attempted that. Nor do I know my NNID off hand. I set it up once upon a time ago and immediately forgot about it because I never assumed I'd play anyone online. I mean, the Nintendo universe is just 99% full of angry 12 year olds playing Splatoon, isn't it?

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    6. I just checked, you do enter friends by NNID. And apparently I'll get notified if someone ads me, so no need to search around for your own. ;D

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  4. Replies
    1. I know, right? 52 million we MAYBE could do, but 53 is getting a little greedy.

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  5. I know you're not making those tweets up (yeah, living under a rock over here), because they aren't entertaining or mildly interesting. He needs access to money? He's in the Kardass family and is a millionaire and doesn't know how to use an ATM? Yeah, likely doesn't know about that or banks. Talk about a waste of oxygen.

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    1. Well, in all fairness, he said he specifically needs $53 million, and I don't believe an ATM or even your typical bank vault holds that much.

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    2. True. And certainly, we, the peons of the world, have $53 million to spare. And since we do, we, the peons of the world, want to donate to the world's biggest jackass with no talent whatsoever - unless being a stupid mofo is a talent. Frankly, I'm tired of indulging stupid mofos.

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  6. I, also thought maybe this was just a publicity stunt...although I don't see how it would help him in any positive way. Then again, so many of his actions prove that he is batshit crazy.

    I would think with all the Kar-trashian and Jenner money, someone would give him a loan. There should be some benefit of marrying into a freak show.

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    1. The benefit, of course, is that he gets to come home to his intelligent, thoughtful, hard working wife. And who wouldn't want Caitlyn Jenner as a wacky mother-in-law?

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    2. Maybe he should write a book...although to be fair he might need need to get a ghost writer because I am not sure he could form articulate sentences that are more than 140 characters long. Who else has both a mother-in-law and a father-in-law that are the same person?

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  7. Well, I must live under a rock or automatically switch off my brain when I hear the word Kanye, well this is just another reason why people shouldnt be feeding into his ego, can I start a boycott? I'm not sure it counts if I don't already buy his stuff? Whats really sad is that kids living in poverty do actually look up to and aspire to be like these artists...or at least that was the case when I was volunteering in Africa. I do think if everyone just ignores him he will go away.

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    1. I think people are slowly starting to ignore him. His newest album is a huge flop, in the sense that he specifically made it available as stream-only through Tidal (yes, THE Tidal... sarcasm), and pirates are simply torrenting it. So there you go, he made an album he said he'd never sell, and it's true, he certainly hasn't sold a single copy to the hundreds of thousands that downloaded it...

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  8. I thought hard times were supposed to improve an artists' output.

    Write about these hard times, Kanye! Write about when you had the mansion and the wife and all, but the general public wouldn't just give you money!

    It'll be your blues album. "I am a rich celebrity / But I still could be richer..."

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    1. Oh yes, I can hear his masterful hit song right now...

      "Ain't nobody have faith in Kanye
      Ain't nobody ever wanna pay Kanye
      Ain't nobody ever believe in Kanye
      But they don't sleep on Kanye
      Cuz now I'm paid Kanye."

      Ah, he really is a master of modern rap lyrics.

      (For reference, he recently did a COMPLETELY SCRIPTED rap battle on Saturday Night Live and yet still somehow ended every single line with Kanye and Kanye... which is fair, because those two words definitely rhyme)

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  9. Ohhhhh myyyyy goshhhhhh. Kanye West never fails to entertain with his cocky attitude. His music isn't nearly as entertaining. At least he's an African saying that or it's go viral as a hate crime. It's still sick he'd even think that way!
    Sometimes I wonder how these things even cross his little mind. Ugh.

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    1. How I imagine the thought process.

      "Man, I'm the greatest rapper of ALL TIME. I bring people joy. But starving African children aren't good at anything. They make me sad. So why are we giving money to sad people when they could be giving it to me?"

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  10. I was so entertained by the comments on the GoFund me page I peed a little. My fave was the guy who said he would rather pepper spray his own dick hole than donate any money to that douche.

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    1. I actually saw that link because of you sharing it on Facebook, and what great stuff. I just like the ridiculous spamming people are doing by donating $5 and then posting a link to try to drum up traffic to their site. Like this winner from Bayleaf Botanicals.

      "Use our all-natural fractionated liquid coconut oil for some sensual bum-bum play next time :P also great for moisturizing models dry skin"

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  11. You can't write music without the $$$!

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    1. As we all know, art can only be created with money. Like, we'd love to finish our next novel, but I'm afraid we're still $300,000 short.

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  12. Too many celebs with an outsized ego. Now is the time when anyone with money is considered a celeb no matter whether they can actually DO something or not. They exhibit bad behaviour, create scenes on airlines, (btw, do you know 'who' I am? are the words of choice). Examples: Kanye, Beiber, and other assorted low level stars and starlets. . .

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    1. Kim Kardashian comes to mind. I actually just found out recently that a few years back Kanye helped her with a song in the hopes of turning her into a pop star. Prepare for cringe.

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    2. That voice did make me cringe.. .Kanye would have to be God to create a star out of that. . . (oh yeah, he thinks he is, doesn't he?)

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  13. Ha! I like the "worlds okayest rapper" tag.

    Yeah, kanye is ridiculous, but for whatever reason it doesnt bother me too much. *shrug*

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    1. It doesn't really bother us either, but it sure is funny. And we just call it like we see it. Neither of us can stand him, but we can admit he's not a bad rapper. He's not great, but he's not bad either.

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  14. I'm so out of the loop I've no idea about this kanye west feller, but everyone sure has a lot to tell me about him. Guess I'll climb back under my rock. In other news, whenever my daughter is wasteful... I remind her of the starving children, she hates that.

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    1. I never understood that whole starving children threat. Somewhere on the other side of the planet some poor starving kid is saying, "Wait, so you're stuffing yourself with more food than you can handle because *I'M* starving?"

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  15. Did this seriously happen?? What the hell is this world coming to? What a jackass he is... Him and the people that actually send him money. So sad.

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    1. Yeah, he needs a small loan of $53 million to keep making art. And by art he means mediocre, overhyped rap music.

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  16. No one goes to bat for Kanye more fiercely than Kanye. It it would be almost inspiring, if it wasn't so nauseating.

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    1. I bet when he takes Kim to bed he puts her in one of these so he can pretend that he's with his one true love.

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    2. That's disturbing, but probably true...

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  17. Replies
    1. I can't say anyone does. Especially not his wife. <- "Ugh, will he finish his poor people food already? Being in a McDonald's is SOOO embarrassing."

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  18. Replies
    1. I feel like that's letting him off a little too easy.

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  19. Following up on Mary's comment, Kanye gives douche bags a bad name.

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    1. Isn't that the truth? I know a lot of douche bags, and I don't think any of them would have the gall to ask for $53 million while simultaneously being worth millions.

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  20. Black Trump.
    I really want to stop talking about him, but it's so fun to make fun of him.

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    1. Kanye even said he wants to run for president in 2020. The similarities are eerie.

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  21. B&B:
    ROFL - you make a very good point about all this tripe.
    As much as I like to help others less fortunate, we've become a nation of "gimmes", and they don;t even LIVE in some mud-hut 3rd world "nation".
    America is trying to be turned into some "entitlement society", and we simply can;t give everything to everyone all the time.
    (The less said about Kanye...the better!)
    All I could think of while reading this was that SOUTH PARK ep w/ "Starvin' Marvin".

    Stay safe (and classy) out there, buys.

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    1. Entitlement? No kidding. I bet if you asked him to even sacrifice just one of his cars in the name of funding his "art" that he'd fall over dead of a heart attack.

      Delete
  22. Remember when he called out the disabled guy for not standing up during his show? That's classy!

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    1. If anything, Kanye should have known going into it that the majority of his fans are disabled. Mostly mental, but still.

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  23. There are so many things wrong with the world and every problem pretty much starts with people. Those someone like barely qualify as human.

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    1. Kanye West's biggest problems stem from Kanye West. And so the massive ego comes full circle.

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  24. I seriously think the elevator isn't hitting every floor with this guy.

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    1. I think the elevator stopped working altogether when it hit all of those Kardashian/Jenner floors.

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  25. MORE beautiful ideas? I can't wait.

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    1. I hope he raps about rainbows and puppies, and really makes my $2 million contribution count.

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  26. You know....back in the 1950's the "stars" who sold their souls, or their grandmom's souls to be famous were people like Zsa Zsa Gabor, Mamie Van Doren, Jayne Mansfield etc... but they still were in movies and still, did something more interesting in their lives than this a-hole and the kardishiass clan ever did. The Space program have applications open for people to go into space. I say, forget all the physical demands needed and, obviously, brain demands and just send this nutjob into space and leave him there. He can float around in space along with the that whole family he married into and add Carmen Elektra, Janis Dickensen and the rest that take up wasted space

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    1. I love this idea. While we're throwing out names, I'd also like to nominate Justin Bieber, Floyd Mayweather, and Cam Newton. I assume a big enough spaceship will fit all of them. And if everyone gets sick of floating in space, it can always be shot directly into the sun.

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  27. I was thinking about writing about this douche. He doesn't deserve shit. I saw a tweet that said "Hey Kanye if you want the founder of Facebook to give you a billion dollars you probably shouldn't ask on Twitter." I really thought him and Kim were a match made in heaven. Both think the world owes them something and they really make a difference. I am ready for their 5 minutes to be over already.

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    1. I just don't know why he ever thought Mark Zuckerberg would give him one billion dollars, unless of course he really took those stupid "repost this and Mark Zuckerberg will give you a billion dollars" Facebook chain email things to heart. I really could see him being that dumb.

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  28. That guy is beyond nutso. What's even more nutso is I'll betcha somebody... somebody... actually sends him some moola. Some of the Go Fund Me "causes" that actually get money outta people are unbelievable.

    Hmmm, here's a poser for ya. Think Kanye and the Donald could fit both of their egos into the same room at the same time? (It'd have to be a BIG room!)

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    1. It could be done but you'd have to build a wall around Donald Trump to keep Kanye West out.

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  29. Kanye West knows all about dick moves. This is just the latest in a long line. He's 53 million in debt and wants middle to lower class America to bail him out. I've read that a few dumbies have actually contributed to his Go Fund Me (which obviously anyone can create and make money on... ) since this jerk is making money on his.

    I also remember hearing on the news about the time this came out that Taylor Swift has to be having a really good laugh. She won her 10th Grammy at the time Kanye is trolling the internet for cash. Maybe she needs to grab his Mic and tell him to roll on off the stage or go "North" (poor kid).

    Even my mom wouldn't send him money, so we all know this is a nutjob idea.

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    1. ^ Zing! Damn, that was a good one.

      Don't get me wrong, I can't stand Taylor Swift, but did you see that he wrote a song saying he'd have sex with her at some point and that it was he who made her famous? What a delusional twat. I guess she told him off at her Grammy acceptance speech, to which I say good for her. However, I get the idea he still won't learn. Morons like him never do.

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    2. I didn't watch the award show so I don't know what she said. The comment I heard was from the news person on TV when they were yakking about Big K's Go Fund Me. When the press thinks you're ridiculous... I think it means you've hit the wall.

      Taylor isn't my favorite either, but she has way more class than Big K.

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    3. *Little K

      He's listed as 5'8. His so-called "mother-in-law" has half a foot on him. Buuuuurn.

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  30. All I have... he makes me sick. If he gets that job at Pizza Hut, I'll be a Papa John's guy from then on.

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    1. Pizza Hut tastes like cardboard. Why are you not already a Papa John's guy? Old, wise Peyton hasn't led us astray yet...

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  31. BEER BOYS ~
    Kanye - I know the name because it seems to seep up from between the sidewalk cracks of Skid Row, where I live. But the name is all I know.

    For the record, however, in reference to one of your earlier comments, could you define for me "good rapper" and "bad rapper"? Because I must be missing the finer nuances somehow... even after about 3 decades of hearing that shit booming from little cars with tinted windows.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Well, as a tip, you'll never hear good rap booming from little cholo cars with tinted windows and "donk suspension" that effectively turns it into a boat sailing on fake chrome.

      I'm sure this sounds hipster as hell, but the only good rap I've heard is the Indie/underground stuff. You know, the type that's set to actual music and has a real message, not just a bunch of guys talking about drugs and bitches over a drum beat. And a lot of times those rappers are white.

      (Cue shocked reaction)

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  32. You could do what the missionaries do and hand that kid a Bible he can't read.

    I do love the people who think God helps them in their day to day lives. Sure God helped you save 10 minutes on your commute, you also won 12 bucks off a $10 lotto ticket thanks to divine intervention and God made sure you found the best date on milk at the grocery store. But where was God when that little kid was starving in Africa with a vulture ready to watch him keel over?

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    1. I just hate when people put such pressure on God to pick the winning football team. I mean, we get it, God is a Broncos fan, but what about those poor other teams that don't have His help?

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  33. I didn't think this was real when I first heard it, but wow. Doooooouuuuucccchhhhhhhe.

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    1. Yeah, it takes a special kind of asshole to imply that he's more worthy of receiving money than starving African children.

      Delete
  34. He is such a moron, actually that is an insult to morons everywhere. Such a douchebag. Zuckerburg should give him a billion dollars, a billion in pennies. Back the dumptruck up and kill the idiot by burying him. Be doing the world a favor.

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    1. RIP Kanye West
      1977 - 2016
      DIED DOING WHAT HE LOVED
      RECEIVING LARGE AMOUNTS OF MONEY

      Delete
  35. I think I like Pat's idea best. Oh wait! Hoooold the presses!

    Back that truck up and bury him in geoducks (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoduck) so he can die happy; surrounded by slimy creatures which are just like him! Take a look, he he he.

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    1. Okay, a geoduck does not look ANYTHING like what its name implies. How wonderfully disgusting. You win best way to dispose of Kanye West, hands down.

      I shivered, then I laughed, then I shivered again. Violently.

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    2. I suddenly feel my head swelling with pride...

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  36. When was his first beautiful idea?

    Hope he takes the cop up on his job offer.

    When will that whole family just go away? They keep coming back like a virus.

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    1. If we don't give him $53 million, how can we ever expect him to have that first beautiful dream? Every beautiful dream begins... with millions and millions of dollars. Big bills only. No singles.

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  37. This man just doesn't stop...he is on a fast rolling train that will wreck causing havoc on the way. Now he says he is leaving the country if Trump wins..why not just leave now...oh, wait he needs someone to fund him after he blew all his money. Don't even get me going on Trump..ok, I am leaving before I start ranting.

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    1. I bet the US would gladly pool together $53 million if Trump and Kanye promised to leave forever and never come back. That would even take out Kim Kardashian by extension, since she'd have to go with Kanye. Now in that case, I'd say it's money very well spent.

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  38. The amount of detail you put into the starving person's face is terrifyingly beautiful. I'm wondering at what point do we write off Kanye as an attention whore versus showing concern that he's having a drug-addled manic episode? What are the chances he has ever changed a diaper on his baby?

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    1. Thanks! We really wanted to show the beaming optimism in his malnourished face just before it was crushed by greed.

      And regarding your question, what I'd rather know is who changes Kanye's diaper.

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  39. But, but, Kanye is such a talented artist who deserv...yeah, I can't make that stand up.

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    1. As the great Kanye once rapped:

      "Chasin' love, lots of bittersweet hours lost
      Eatin' Asian pussy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce"

      That isn't music. It's pure, artistic poetry.

      Delete
    2. I feel for the guy. His mother-in-law has a penis. Or is it...his father-in-law has boobs?
      Oh screw it. It's just funny and couldn't happen to a nicer POS.

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    3. Apparently* the kids still all call Caitlyn "Dad" so I'm gonna go with pop-in-law that's got a rack.

      *why the hell do I even know this?

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  40. Kanye is such a waste of space. What a deluded piece of crap. *sigh* I kind of feel like any attention makes his little heart happy, so I'm loathe to mention anything about him.

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    1. Don't worry, this page is full of words now, so odds are good he'll never waste his precious time reading it. He's more of the 140 characters or less variety of reader. Besides, after the whole South Park thing, it's been confirmed that he just cannot comprehend humor or satire in any form.

      Delete
  41. Maybe we could start a GoFundMe page and raise enough money to send Kanya and his wife and kids to a remote island far, far away without any internet access! I'm in.

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    1. Judging by that little Freudian slip I get the idea you're suggesting Kenya, and I am alllllll for it.

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  42. The sad thing about it is people actually "liked" and "shared" his Tweets. Too many losers out there to support a loser.

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    1. Yeah, it's pretty soul crushing when at least 30,000 people like the thought of paying Kanye West money over African children, and at least 20,000 like it enough to share it amongst their friends.

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  43. I totally missed that on Twitter. Pretty ridiculous though. The desire is always there to help people in third world countries, but it's hard to know the best way to help. I suppose that's why we donate through a church that dedicates 100% of it's funds to the people being served. It's run completely on volunteer service. People even work full time in so many capacities around the world. They are one of the first on the scene any time there's a large natural disaster and have so many incredible projects going like digging wells for clean water and educating the locals on hygiene, investing in land and teaching locals how to farm, and providing immunizations. Anyhow, not to spam or anything, it just got me thinking. https://www.lds.org/topics/humanitarian-service/church?lang=eng

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    1. Hey, bravo to you! We actually posted about this a while back, in which we pointed out that while people like to give to charities and feel great about themselves for doing so, they often don't realize a lot of their dollars might be wasted. Some (but not all) charities have employees that make over $100k a year, or the money goes towards ads to raise 'awareness', or it goes to overall overhead, but what you actually give might not even end up going to the intended recipients at all.

      Always check and see where your money goes. And if the LDS is donating 100% of funds and even its volunteers serve completely free, then power to them. We can forgive them for their weird magic underwear. :)

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  44. Look, I don't know what's the problem. I say we bite and send him donations. Come on, as creative people we know it's not easy. BUT for every dollar, Kanye gets a kick . . . you know where. And once it's set in motion we will not stop, unless he gives back a few millions to those in real need. That's my plan. My fake name is SK and I approve this message.

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    1. I assume you mean the taint, and we both would gladly donate $20 on the spot (each) for the opportunity to kick him in the gooch 20 times. You're a genius.

      Our real names are Bryan and Brandon and we approve this message too, but maybe we should have made fake names before we started spouting random bullshit on the Internet because now people can very easily track us down.

      Delete
  45. The worst part is people really are helping him. Though it is remarkable he ended up in the position he did anyway. I have no idea how he needed money and personally I really don't care enough to find out. If people want to be that stupid that's their business. I just wish they didn't drag the rest of us down with them.

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    1. Frankly, I thought the only reason he was marrying Kim K was for her money. I mean, she doesn't have much else to offer, especially as the clock ticks away and she goes from exotic beauty to weird, oddly smooth alien with a crippling gluteal deformity.

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  46. Honestly, if he offered to tweet out a person or product, I guarantee he'd make his money back overnight. Beyonce gets like $250,000 or something to tweet about a product. I'm just trying to help the guy get back on his feet because if anyone deserves a 3 thousandth chance, it's hi... hiiii... hiiii-iiim (Shit, that was hard to write).

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    1. "Now I'mma let y'all finish, but Gold Bond has the best foot powder spray of ALL TIME. #Truth #FootSwag"

      Delete