You know the scenario. You're in line at the grocery store, and someone's spawn starts wailing.
And Mom or Dad isn't doing a damn thing.
Meanwhile, everyone else is just pretending like it doesn't exist, even though they're all making "constipated face" because they're so damn annoyed. Yet they remain silent and do nothing.
They need someone to step in and save the day. They need a hero. So that's when Bryan transforms into his superhero alter ego.
The villain, outmatched and outwitted, usually flees.
And not soon after, the people of the city offer their praise and their thanks to our brave, selfless hero.
As long as rude children are making a scene in public and no one is doing anything about it, Bratman will be there to save the day by asking the parents to please control them. Bratman is not a violent superhero, but if push comes to shove, he will bring out the wooden spoon and the flip flop.
His fight is an uphill battle, but thankfully he's not alone.
You see, Brandon has the exact same superpowers, but they were not born of the grocery store; nay, they were born in the movie theater, during yet another common occurrence.
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But you know what invariably happens. Some numbnuts in the 5 to 25-year-old age bracket pops up in front of you and not only are they talking obnoxiously, but they're using their cellphone during the whole movie, the light of which is so bright in the darkness that it can melt retinas.
The entire theater becomes terrorized by this visual and auditory assault, but everyone is powerless to stop him. Or... at least it seems like that, because no one will do or say anything. That's when Brandon transforms to save the day.
Brandon will verbally thwart this villain, sure, but his true strength is the lingering, scornful glance that comes after, in which he stares down his foe into silent submission, as if to say, "Come on, dude, seriously?"
Staredevil always gives his foes a literal browbeating.
Little known fact about the Staredevil: as a child he was blinded by the nuclear iPhone screen that killed his parents during a showing of Ghostbusters II in 1989. Ever since then he's been on an unstoppable path of vengeance.
Ultimately, the two of us may not be the superheroes that this city wants, but we're certainly the superheroes that it needs.
For some reason, the two of us have found that our superpowers really are...sadly...sort of unique. It seems like (where we live anyway) people are so damn afraid to speak up and ask their fellow man (or woman) to not be inconsiderate assholes. Why is it that people are so willing to put up with the idiotic shenanigans of the 'entitled twat' population? Is it like that where you live? Do you have any similar superpowers?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Music: R.E.M (Superman)