Monday, June 15, 2015

There Must Be Fifty Ways To Kill Your Bunny

A week and a half ago I was outside in my driveway and I noticed a baby bunny lying on the concrete, which was weird, because I didn't remember leaving one there. Sadly, he wasn't moving and his eyes were closed. As the brilliant forensic analyst that I am, I investigated the crime scene and declared that he was dead... by poking him with a stick.


I was wrong.

I came back 4 hours later and he had seemingly disappeared. I thought maybe the neighbor had gotten peckish and eaten him, or maybe a Pentecostal rabbit preacher had come by and lain paws on him in the name of Rabbit Jeeeeezus.

Reality wasn't quite so whimsical, though. After a little investigating, I found that he had actually used the last of his strength to drag himself over to the dirt where he was resolved to die. Flies were circling his head and making him cringe with each aggressive peck. I wasn't sure why he was out here. This was a concrete alleyway with no plant life, after all, so the little guy was far away from mama rabbit, and now he was going to die in the hot, summer sun, being picked at by flies.

The wife and I just couldn't stand by and let that happen, so we wrapped him up in a towel and brought him inside. We then consulted Lord Google, where we learned a ton about baby rabbits.

Like... he was actually a she.




We learned that she was about 10 days old, and wasn't very far away from being able to live out on her own, but because her eyes were still closed and she was still on her mother's milk, she had left her nest (for whatever reason) way too early*, almost completely ensuring her doom.

*Meanwhile, I know 30 year old men that still haven't left their mother's "nest"

And speaking of doom, we also learned that wild rabbits, when taken in, have only a 10% chance of survival. Really, just 10%. Because everything will kill them. Everything. It might actually be easier to just give you a list of what won't kill them.

For starters, you have to give them the right food. It's not just as simple as grabbing some lettuce out of the fridge and hoping for the best, because if they don't get exactly the right type of nutrition, a rabbit's stomach will collapse in on itself like some kind of digestive black hole.



But here's the thing; even if you do feed them the correct food, you have to be careful how much you give them. Because if you give them too much, then they'll get what's called 'bloat', which is apparently the medical term for 'stomach-go-boom.'



They can also die of dehydration. They can die from getting diarrhea, and not to be outdone, they can die from constipation. Oh, and don't dare give one a bath, because the sudden spray of water can induce a heart attack which will kill them instantly.

No, really.

In fact, even stress will kill them. Stress. This, while they're already in a very stressful situation. So let that sink in.




What I'm saying is: you can literally sneeze on a baby rabbit and kill it.

And so I pretty much knew we were fighting an uphill battle. I knew that for all of the hours I spent nursing this little thing back to health, that there was a 90% chance she'd die anyway. But I still did it, because I know if I had to die, I'd rather go in a hospital being cared for than left out in the street to suffer.

I was told by a few people that this was silly. Stupid, even. If she was going to die anyway, why not just let her die outside instead of prolonging the inevitable?

But frankly, I think that's bullshit. I mean, we don't do that with people, do we?




Even if she was just a stupid little wild rabbit, we wanted to give her a chance at life. 10% was still something.

So with the odds against us, we bought kitten milk replacement and a bottle. Fed her. Tended to her. Named her. When we found her (and thought she was a boy), she had a grungy beard, she was crawling in the dirt, and we felt that despite all of that she would end up being a survivor in a cruel world, so we called her Rick Grimes. Then we found out she was a girl, so that became shortened to Grimes.


We bathed her the best we could by gently dabbing her with a wet cotton ball.


We prepared kitten milk replacement and fed her from a ridiculously sized baby bottle twice a day, between giving her fresh grass to help her stomach digest.

And then something amazing happened. She opened her eyes. She stopped crawling around like a dying frog and started hopping. She started getting a little plump.


She started jumping around so much, she hopped up my wife's shoulder and into her hair... which she then tried to chew like purple grass.


She got better.

And so we did have to end up saying goodbye to little Grimes, but not by burying her in an Altoids tin coffin or giving her a 21 flush salute. No, two days ago we released her in a nice wooded area, lush with greenery, not overly populated with rabbits, and not known to house foxes or coyotes. Now, I know that she could have been out there for a grand total of 10 minutes before getting swooped up and eaten by my buddy the hawk... but she also might not have.

At least she got a chance at life. And whether that chance is 10% or 100, that's what it's all about. Because in the end, I'd rather have failed knowing at least I tried than let someone - be they human, pet, wild animal - die in unnecessary agony.


Anyone else have any good animal rescue stories?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Bryan (and Brandon)

PS: If you're wondering why we aren't answering questions (and where the hell Brandon is) my cohort's just coming home from a lovely honeymoon with his wife. Answers will resume next week, and all disgustingly cute pictures of baby bunnies will cease in favor of regularly scheduled shenanigans.



130 comments:

  1. Awwww, that's just too cute. We haven't ever rescued a baby bunny but the kids once rescued a bearded dragon from a lake. Unlike bunny, it wasn't particularly snugly and ran away as soon as its feet hit dry land.

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    1. I've always heard bearded dragons make fantastic pets. Then again... the wild ones, probably not. Grimes is cute as hell, but she would have made a lousy pet.

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  2. That was ridiculously cute and heartwarming. How dare you sneak nobility and cuteness in a blog I come to primarily for jokes about butt stuff. Oh, wait, here, I can combine them: Apparently rabbits have a terrible digestive system and so, they have to eat their food twice. That's right, they eat something, poop it out, then, under cover of night, eat their own poop. It's true. Bunnies are turd eaters.

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    1. I actually knew this, and I'm glad I released her before I could witness this particular activity and, um, taint my memory of her.

      And to anyone out there who thinks it'd be adorable to have a bunny as a pet, do remember that they are literal turd munchers. And unlike some dogs that do that (who are just stupid) this is a daily ritual and crucial for their digestive health. So keep plenty of Altoids if you like to kiss your pets.

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  3. That was an awesome thing you did! Ten percent isn't zero and I wouldn't have left her out there to die either. I wouldn't have tried to figure out if it was a boy or girl though. Not if I had to marry it afterwards.
    Good thing you didn't sneeze on her.

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    1. Blame my wife for that one. We named her Rick Grimes, and then my wife crinkled her nose and said, "That's such a masculine name, though... what if it's actually a girl?"

      I usually don't check gender until the third date, but we were in a crunch for time, so I made the best of what I had.

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  4. She's absolutely adorable. I'm really glad this story had a cute and happy ending and you managed to nurse her back to health. I don't have any good animal rescue stories. Or any animal rescue stories. I have to say I don't think I'd have been able to release her though. I'd have seen it as a sign it was time for me to get a pet rabbit.

    I found out similarly that pretty much anything can kill a puppy. My mum was allergic to cats and one day she gave in and bought us a puppy. I think it lived all of six months before something in the garden killed it. I was told it died of something before it was old enough to get its shots to, you know, not be killed by it. What that taught me is to never get a puppy. Stick to something over a year old.

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    1. Having a pet rabbit sounds cute on paper, but they're messy, they smell bad, and as mentioned above, they're turd munchers. Their cuteness is best admired from afar.

      That term - something in the garden killed it - I can't figure out if that means something like "the dog got sick" or something like "a snake jumped out of the bushes and ate it." Though, I'm not sure a shot would really fix the latter...

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    2. I believe the puppy got sick, or caught a parasite. I was about 14 and, admittedly, quite coddled. I wouldn't be surprised if my mum never told me the full truth because she thought I couldn't take it. But I believe it was an illness. My sister had about four pet rabbits at one point. We had to have two hutches and my stepdad put some chain down so they could run around on the garden during sunny weather. I kind of miss them. The biggest downside of having cats is I can now have no pet smaller than a cat.

      Or bigger actually.

      Basically I can have no pets that are not other cats.

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    3. Cats are good pets. And for being lazy lumps of fat, they're almost impossible to kill. If anything, the odds are more likely that they kill you.

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  5. Cute.

    My ex had (domestic) rabbits for a while. In cages in the house. Worst pets ever. Their hair floats on air... everywhere. They start kicking and throwing stuff around their cages if they don't get what they want, and what they want is sort of hard to decipher. Because they're rabbits.

    Be glad you set her free in the world before she turned into an adult rabbit and ruined your memories of her.

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    1. What you described is what I've heard from others, too: rabbits are the cutest assholes you'll ever love to hate. And having already dated women exactly like that, I don't need that in pet form.

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  6. May Lord Frith bless you both for protecting Grimes from the Black Rabbit of Inlé.

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    1. Ha! Love the reference. I just hope that out in the woods she can avoid General Woundwort.

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  7. We found a wounded bird at work once, one of the guys I worked with knew how to heal it and set it back free.

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    1. That's awesome. Apparently my wife once did this with a pigeon, even though her mom yelled at her that she was going to get infested with diseases. She did not.

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  8. Awww that is the sweetest story ever. All of my animals are rescues. I once had a pet bunny, it wasn't rescued though. I got it from a pet store. My cat jumped on its cage one day and it literally scared it to death.

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    1. I almost want to laugh at the thought of that, but I know that's terrible, so I'm restraining myself. So was it young, or was it an adult? Because I thought the 'literally getting scared to death' thing was only for babies. But I might be wrong.

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    2. It was less than a year old. Maybe 6 months. It was kinda funny and I wouldn't have believed it, had I not seen it.

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  9. Adorable! We have a pair of rabbits (likely not the same two) that come every year to have their babies in our backyard. Last year, a cat found the nest and chased them under our deck. Bunnies can scream. It's eerie. Chasing away the aggressor, it only attacked one which was dead. But the others didn't move either. They died of the shock. I haven't seen this year's babies yet, but ma and pa bunny are out there. We named one of them Leisure Suit Larry because it likes to stretch out and laze around under our tree by the deck.

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    1. I'm glad, then, that I never had to hear her scream. That sounds depressing. But I do love the name Leisure Suit Larry. Now I just imagine a rabbit with a combover, in a cheap suit, trying to pick up women. And I kinda want to play that stupid old game again.

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  10. Wow, I never knew so many things could kill them. They'd give humans a panic attack just from looking after them, have no nerves left haha awesome of you to do indeed though. We had pet rabbits growing up and yep, they were rather umm asshole-ish. Not as bad as the peacocks though, those bastards would peck your eyes out if given a chance. Hopefully Grimes will survive in the wild for a bit. Did Gemma think she was a snack?

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    1. We didn't even let Gemma near her. Not just to avoid temptation, but we didn't want Grimes to see a predator and think it was a friend.

      So am I to understand you actually had pet peacocks? I can see them being assholes. I'm just more surprised someone would have one as a pet.

      "So, what does your peacock eat?"
      "Eyeballs. So don't get too close."

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    2. haha oh peacocks weren't the half of it, there were like 15 different kinds of birds in our back yard. The Reeves were the ones you didn't F*** with. They were so high strung they'd tear your heart out.

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    3. I don't think I'd want people to know if I was killed by a female peacock. That just sounds like the wimpiest way to die ever.

      "Uh, he rolled his muscle car going 200 mph. Yeah, that's it. Ignore those very tiny pecks on his face. Those were... the airbag?"

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  11. Aww. She's so tiny. And adorable. I have an uncle who rescues a lot of wounded crows and squirrels, and nurses them back to health. :) one of my friends sister and her roommate got a bunny once. Not sure where they got her from, but she died. It was sad. On the other hand, we used to have a lot of rabbits at my school, by the kindergarten classes. All this information about rabbits dying so easily makes me wonder how the ones by the kindergarten classes didn't die of heart attacks all the time!

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    1. That's awesome about your uncle. I've always wanted to interact with a crow. I hear they're very intelligent. Or maybe I don't. It probably wouldn't take much for one to outsmart me.

      Also, someone needs to track down these kindergartner resistant superrabbits, because they clearly have hearts of stone.

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  12. WOW, you really have too much tim----I mean, uh A KIND HEART.
    That was pretty heroic stuff right there.
    My old man would have said you totally wasted your time and reminded you how fast rabbits reproduce and a bunch of other mean old man crap that he gave us when my sisters tried to rescue baby rabbits, only to be eaten. By OUR DOG. Is that a good rescue story??
    How about the time someone in my house had the brilliant idea to try to raise quail (for what, I still don't know and we're probably better off not knowing.) They used a rabbit cage to house the quail, who kept sticking their delicious heads out of the holes that were too large for small young birds. And guess how those died? Yep, dog snack. That damn dog ate better than we did. In my old man's defense, we never ate the dog. Old age.

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    1. I wish it was a matter of having too much time. You should have seen all of the great things I didn't accomplish while caring for the little bugger.

      Also, as fucked up as it is, I laughed at your childhood animal rescue stories. Thankfully, my dogs have never eaten any of the rescue animals I've taken in. They're too stupid and small. And they laughed at me for having a rat dog. Who's laughing now?

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  13. They are some of the most delicate animals around. I'm surprised they aren't extinct. Props to you on the rescue.

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    1. I guess it's hard to be extinct when there are thousands of them just in this neighborhood alone. Which probably makes the rescue all the more stupid - contributing to the pests - but I just don't have it in me to let them die.

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  14. Aw! You gave that little critter a chance at life, and I think that's really great. What a cute little bunny! I'm hoping for the best for Grimes. Surely she shall one day become the Grand High Empress of the Woodland Rabbit Clan. They shall look to her for her first hand knowledge of the Human Realm. "They are ruled by one they call 'Lord Google', and he is the source of all wisdom for their race..."

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    1. "My council, I was taken in by but a simple human peasant. He is not very bright, and consults the Lord Google for pretty much everything. He served me without question and catered to my every need. If we storm the humans and overwhelm them with our numbers, they will surely become our slaves."

      - Grimes, to her council of rabbits, just two days before The Great Rabbit Uprising of 2015

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    2. ...They fought bravely, using their fuzzy cuteness to disarm the humans. Those who resisted were taken to the allies that no one expected to assist the Rabbits: The Hawks, led by King Buddy, for the "getting their eyes clawed out by razor sharp talons" treatment. The common bond that brought rabbits and Hawks together: A humble peasant named Bryan. The one merciful human, who would be the sole human leader in the new regime...

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  15. That was a precious story. Grimes is clearly special to begin with - ready to withstand hardship like constipation. You and your wife gave her what she needed to re-enter the cruel world and, hopefully, find her mommy. Unless mommy doesn't carrot all. Maybe she'll get adhoppted or something.

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    1. I'm pretty sure we gave Grimes a better upbringing in 8 days than some people give their kids in 18 years. She hasn't called even once begging for money. Or come by to have us do her laundry. Now that's success.

      And I doubt she'll get adhoppted because she's too old, but hopefully she finds Mr. Right, he gives her a 14 carrot ring, and they live hoppily ever.

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  16. This was just so darn sweet. Seriously. I'm kinda used to a dose of gross and fickle here, and then you bring something like this... and I melted a little bit.

    Well, you did name the bunny Rick Grimes. So there was THAT.

    I had no idea a bunny could die of a heart attack if you tried to bathe it. I've had two pet rabbits in my lifetime. The first was a dwarf bunny that I had to temporarily give my brother because my housing situation didn't allow for pets. He put it in his garage and the fumes killed it. Not the best moment in our sibling relationship. The second rabbit I had was a white full size rabbit, but she simply wasn't as friendly as my first. When I got a puppy, that became untenable. I thought they could be friends. Not so. The puppy chased the bunny around while the bunny planned ways to kill her. So, the bunny stayed in her cage and the puppy ruled the roost. Eventually, my mom found some people at work who lived out in the country and had rabbits. They took her. Her name was Wednesday and they said she was the tamest of all their rabbits. Their kids loved to hold her. They let her in with one of their males and she had a baby, which they named Thursday. They said she was the best mom to that baby.

    So, I killed one by letting my brother take care of it. But, I think I saved one by letting her mix with her own kind and having a baby. Of course, both of these situations happened because I ceased to be involved in the process.

    Lastly, that picture of Grimes on your wife's shoulder is priceless. Seriously, Grimes is so tiny and cute. Please tell me you at least considered keeping her. I would've probably done it and regretted it. I've already got two bunny stories...

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    1. Can I add that to the ways a rabbit can die? "Garage gas chamber."

      (Sorry, low blow)

      Trust me, we both wanted to keep her, but we also knew that would have been unfair to her. Plus, I have a feeling the other animals would have hated her/wanted to eat her, so we didn't want to shove her in a cage and let her sit in boredom. Also, wild rabbits aren't like domestic rabbits, in that you can't just keep them around. She likely would have died had we kept her much longer. See? Told you. Everything kills them. Even keeping them.

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  17. What a hero! Saving the helpless maiden bunny from hawks, snakes and other dastardly meat-eaters. I've never heard of anyone saving a bunny that young. I hope she's living happily ever after.

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    1. It just seemed like a shame to let her die without her ever properly experiencing the world, having not even opened her eyes. I hope those eyes are serving her well in the wild. We don't have snakes here, but we do have hawks, and since my hawk friend has brought me rabbit guts before, I know he's not above doing the same to her.

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  18. Awww!!!! It's like you and your wife are Morgan and his son, rescuing and helping Grimes heal :)
    Such beautiful story. What a lucky cute tiny bunny. I'm banking on it still hopping around and going strong. I did rescue a puppy that had been hit by a car many many years ago. Had him for two years and then one day he disappeared. He abandoned poor ten year old me. *sniff, sniff*

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    1. I'm banking on her surviving, too. She's a tough lil' sumbitch. And hey, that's awesome of you. I assume that you restored his superpowers, and after properly recuperating, he had to fly away to go fight crime.

      I don't have a very good understanding of how the real world works.

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  19. AW! This is seriously the best story! I'm so glad little Grimes survived. Some friends of mine tried to do the same with a rescued wild bunny, just a few weeks ago actually, but he sadly didn't make it. :(

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    1. They didn't sneeze on him, did they? Kidding aside, that sucks to hear, but at least they tried. That always counts for something. :)

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  20. B&B:
    That is one VERY cool survival story. I'm glad to see a happy ending. (and considering it IS Smile Power Day, this post fills the bill.)
    The pictures are fantastic (esp. the one on Wifey's shoulder...precious), and those cartoons are too damn funny. Sure glad NONE of THAT happened to the little bunny.
    ...(cue Luke's Tatooine theme)...A LONG time ago (in a part of Philly far, FAR away), I found some baby rabbits in a wooded area near our apartment (Momma bunny was nowhere to be found) and told Mom about them. Since we also had raccoon around the area, she brought them home, kept them in a nice big cardboard box, and basically treated them like hamsters (bedding and all that). She even fed them with an eye-dropper.
    After a few weeks, she took them outside and let them go.
    And that was viewed through the eyes of a 5th grader (me), and is something I'll never forget.

    Excellent post.
    Well done...(you must have some of that St, Francis of Assisi in 'ya, too.)

    Stay safe out there.

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    1. Wow, I just saved one little bunny. Your mom saved a whole nest. I bow down before that kind of awesomeness.

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  21. We took in a rabbit we found in our yard once. We had her for four-five years.

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    1. Wow, you know, Lord Google says their life expectancy is only about 3 years in the wild, but can become 5-8 when in captivity. How was she as a pet? I hear they can be nightmares. And foul smelling. Which is why as cute of a pet as she would have been, we just released her.

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  22. WHAT A MUFFIN

    I know some people who have pet rabbits and insist that they're just as loving as dogs or cats. We had a rabbit that lived outside in a little fenced in area in the yard. It hated people and ended up dying of rabies....

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    1. Grimes seemed pretty loving while we had her, but we also didn't get too close to her (so she wouldn't think humans were her friends). I can happily say she didn't have rabies, though, so that probably helped her level of sweetness. I can't imagine that same, tiny thing gnashing at me and foaming at the mouth.

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  23. I have also done this with various species. It is totally gratifying when they grow up and go away. Unlike humans who rarely do either. It bothers me when even the critters I don't know are splattered all over the highway. I know it may be strange, but it doesn't bother me nearly as much when humans are splattered as they should know better.

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    1. I knew a girl who went out of her way to hit prairie dogs while she was driving. She would do so and cackle. A few summers later she went for a jog and got hit by a car. Broke her pelvis. Driver probably wasn't even trying. Not so funny now, is it bitch?

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    2. Lmao. Now that was funny..snort I mean karma

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  24. Y'all done good, 6-B (even though it apparently cut into your beer drinking and music listening). I'll bet that ratette didn't even bother to say "Thanks!" after you saved her life. That's just like a woman wabbit!

    Nice work, man, seriously. You're the hero du jour.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. You know, I'm actually glad you picked up on that. That was intentional. I've been so busy the past week, I've barely listened to any music, and I haven't had a drop of the good stuff. That will be remedied tonight, as a delayed celebration to Grimes' honor.

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  25. I'm still laughing at 'didn't carrot all.' I can see it's going to be one of those phrases that pops out at me when I'm at work, making me laugh like a crazy person. But I don't care.
    Anyway, I love the story, and I'm glad the rabbit survived.

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    1. I'm glad to hear rabbit-related vegetable puns are still good for a giggle. I didn't even get the chance to use the one about her going on to get a new job, and the starting celery is great.

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  26. I have many animal rescue stories. It would take up too much of the comment section but if you still need heart warming animal stories, you can email me.

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    1. This comment section can never be too large, but that's just awesome to hear in itself.

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  27. Another ahhhh. I am so glad you researched what to do with her first. Great that she got so hoppy and I do hope she survived longer than a few hours.

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    1. I don't want to toot my own horn, but I feel like part of the reason the mortality rate is so high is because people don't properly research how to care for them and just suck at it. They bring a baby rabbit inside, get it a bowl of water like a dog, and then leave it with a few torn up pieces of lettuce and wonder why they die so quickly.

      The Internet - not just for funny cat videos!

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    2. It isn't - oh dear you have disappointed me. And Brandon got married? Or did they just go on honeymoon?

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    3. Brandon got married last September (I was the reverend) but he's only now gotten around to his honeymoon. Maybe next week I'll take mine. I'm thinking McDonald's (I'm a man on a budget). :)

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  28. We have overturned a bunny nest tilling the garden one year. They got released over by the buffalo refuge. One year we had baby raccoons in one of the trees. The momma was killed and we fed them and after a couple weeks located a wildlife rehabber and drove them down there.
    You did good.

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    1. Do raccoons live in trees? We had raccoons growing up, but none of them ever made residence in the trees. They always lived in the sewers and only came out to dig through our trash for leftover pizza, like hairy Ninja Turtles.

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    2. Raccoons live anywhere they find shelter. They like barns too. But, if those are all taken a nice hole in a tree works great.

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    3. No barns where I grew up, but we did have a very nice cat igloo that the raccoons tried to (unsuccessfully) take over.

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  29. Only one thing...

    (Standing ovation).


    You rock.

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    1. Why thank you, kind sir. That means a lot.

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    2. I, too, think you rock. I don't know of many men that would take the time to do such a kind thing. My sister and I are like that though. We fed homeless cats for years on our front porch and one stormy day saw a very wet raccoon staring through the front door at us. I won't let any animal suffer. You're a hero.

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    3. Awww, thank you. That's awesome that you do that. I too have helped my fair share of stray cats and raccoons. How I haven't been shredded to bits, I don't know. The 10 day old bunny is the most harmless animal I've gotten to help. I accidentally petted the raccoon before (it was pitch black). Felt like petting a broom.

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  30. Awe! I'm so glad that this story has a happy ending.

    I own five cats because I rescued them from a lady who wanted to drop them off at an animal shelter when they weren't even five weeks old. All of them are still with me almost two years later. Touch wood it stays that way, because I basically raised them as if I'm their mom.

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    1. Five at once from the same litter? That's both awesome and insane. Don't let them turn you into a crazy cat lady. Mine have already turned me into one, and I'm a youngish guy. Cats are just magical like that.

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  31. You're my hero! That's so awesome. We rescued a baby crow that was injured and took it to a vet in Connecticut. Unfortunately,it died the next day but the vet was really appreciative that we tried to help it. We also found a kitten that was way too young to be away from it's mother so we kept it and fed it and loved it until we knew it was going to be ok. We had her for about 9-10 years.

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    1. Oh wow, that's fantastic. And one for two isn't bad when it comes to injured animals. I'm especially impressed that you helped a crow. I think those guys get a bad rap. They're very intelligent and very sweet. There's a great news story about a little girl who started feeding some crows, so in exchange they started bringing her gifts and trinkets as a way of saying thank you.

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    2. That is just too cool of a story. Thanks for the link. Crows can be very noisy but they are fun to watch especially at the beach. I can't get over how those crows brought that little girl all those trinkets. Fantastic.

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  32. Umm, am I at the right blog? There's cuteness and baby bunny saving. Oh, good, there's a cartoon of a terminally ill child with a bone sticking out of his arm. This is the place.

    Seriously, though, nice one. I think baby bunnies and ducklings are the most adorable babies on earth. Glad you and your wife were able to give this one a fighting chance!

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    1. Oh yes, in case you had any question of where you were at, I included a child with a broken arm dying of cancer. That's always worth a chuckle, right?

      I'll definitely agree that bunnies and ducklings are the cutest babies. The least adorable baby? Human. Maybe I'll just adopt rabbits and ducks instead of having children and call it good.

      Delete
  33. 1. SQUEEE SO CUTE! 2. I was bracing myself for a game of thrones style ending, so imagine my surprise and delight when it didn't end up all kinds of dead. 3. I fed a stray cat this weekend. It was super affectionate until I touched it wrong and it bit me and drew blood so let's hope I don't have rabies thanks

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    1. I'll still give you massive bonus points for effort.

      And you think we'd do that to you here? You know nothing, Bun Snow.

      Delete
  34. Why did I just think of Haeffenpheffer?? You did the right thing and that rabbit is such a cutie. I grew up on a sawmill. One day my dad wondered why the men didn't start the mill on time so he went out there and still nothing. My mom and I went out wondering what the delay was and there were all these burly lumbermen not wanting to start the mill because a rabbit gave birth to 4 little ones in the mill at the end of the rollers (for the lumber). They didn't want to disturb them. My mom moved them to a corner and made a bed of sawdust and all went well. They had bunnies in the mill for a couple of weeks. We also came across baby squirrels in a log which we nursed and a racoon that my neighbour nursed.

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    1. That's so cool to hear about those burly lumberjacks being big softies. I almost forgive you for mentioning rabbit stew.

      (Actually, as an adventurous eater, I might try it... Just as long as it's not Grimes stew)

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  35. I've been back three times (keep getting sidetracked by work) and each time laugh out loud at panel #4, which captures all of the cheesiness of Caruso's overacting (he learned at the William Shatner school, I am sure).

    The stress comments I find funny-did you ever see a rabbit or a squirrel eating in the wild? They have that look of absolute fear, that with the next bite your buddy the hawk will snatch them up.
    Their whole life is stress!

    My two cats would have made rabbit stew...(one of the flavors of food I give them is rabbit).

    But that wascally wabbit just took off....what an ingrate!

    I'd have been one of the people you refer to a few comments above (the bowl of water and the lettuce, and probably outside...but at least in the shade somewhere).

    The only thing I am good at nursing is a hangover....

    Larry

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    1. My cat caught glance of the rabbit only once and immediately licked her lips. At that point I locked her away in my room.

      It's always hilarious when I go out front and a rabbit is in the park across the street, and it sees me, and just starts shaking like mad, ready to dart in case I attack it... Meanwhile I'm at least fifty feet away, in my bare feet, standing completely still. I can't imagine what that level of stress feels like.

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  36. I don't know how anyone can resist a cute little helpless baby animal. The furry ones, that is. Baby snakes do nothing for me. I'm glad your rescue mission was a success. Over the years, we've nurtured lots of injured wild animals, mostly birds, but my first experience as a kid didn't go too well. I found a wasp floundering in a mud puddle, so I lifted it out, set it on the palm of my hand, and blew on it, oh so gently. Its delicate wings quivered, and finally, it stood up. Before it flew away, the little SOB stung me.

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    1. Ha! That's terrible. I learned from an early age not to mess with wasps.

      Handy tip.

      The honey bee:
      Cute, plump, looks like a cartoon character.
      Can only sting you once, so usually won't.
      Produces honey.

      The wasp:
      Ugly little fucker.
      Can sting you as many times as he wants.
      WILL sting you as many times as he wants.
      Only produces human tears.

      Delete
  37. I've been bickering with a neighbor all day or I'm pretty sure my Awwwh that's so cute would have joined the collective awwh that's so cute that was probably heard around the world when you hit publish on this post.

    I've tried in the past to rescue baby rabbits from the cats but you're right - nearly everything kills baby rabbits. So I know what a rare thing it is that you have done.

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    1. That's okay, neighbors are the worst. Mine spread rumors that I'm a drug dealer and won't look me in the eyes when I go outside. I'd spend hours helping a baby bunny, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't piss on my neighbors if they were on fire.

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  38. AWWWWWWWWW! OMFG, you are fucking amazing, and that thing is SO FUCKING CUTE! I don't have any rescue stories like that, sadly - just our two kitties from the shelter.

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    1. That still totally counts. Cats are people, too. Well... you know.

      Delete
  39. I've rescued stray cats, but no bunnies. I've also adopted cats from the shelter, one died within a few days from a case of worms (5 weeks old) then immediately adopted another one 10 weeks old which survived. Had to call in SPCA when we cut down a few trees in our previous back yard, as there were baby squirrels in the tree. Of course I had a standoff with the mother squirrel when she wanted to move in to the attic. . .nope, no critters allowed in the attic, they make such a mess. And I didn't want to mention this, but I have eaten lapin before in a French restaurant. My friend called it 'bunny'. . I won't say what it tastes like. You know.

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    1. It tastes like... chicken? Was it any good? Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I still eat them.

      And I won't let them in my attic. Mostly because I don't have an attic. But even if I did, that's no place for squirrels.

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  40. Bryan, you have done it again! You truly are gifted in this medium (blogging). I love how you communicate the whole story with writing and pictures. And you always seem to start the post in one direction but then take it in a surprise direction.

    For instance, in the beginning of this post I thought it would be a very sad story but you turned it all around by the end! Also, you take serious topics and make them more lighthearted. You are a Master of Parody.

    That bunny is ADORBALE. I love that you and Meli saved Grimes.

    As a kid I would try to save wounded animals-- to my mother's dismay. However, I don't think I had much success... sadly... so bravo to you two and the bunny. I love the vid of her being fed. She looks like she loved it!

    I hope Grimes lives a happy and long life in the forest!

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    1. Well thank you very much! I already did 'sad' with the Jonathan story. I didn't want to bum people out again, so I'm just glad everything turned out okay for little Grimy. There's actually a huge nature trail behind my house, miles upon miles long, so it's my hope that she'll have an even better life there than she would have had hopping mindlessly around the neighborhood like the other suburbanite rabbits.

      I made sure not to put her anywhere near my rabbit eating hawk buddy. It's my dream, however, that the two found each other anyway and became friends, and now she majestically rides him like a flying horse as they travel the state solving wacky wildlife crime.

      Delete
    2. That is an awesome story about a hawk! I would love to see Grimes riding your hawk on a grime solving escapade!

      I have a special affinity with hawks due to "hawk" being part of my middle name.... and there are two hawks that have a nest in a tree in my backyard. Just yesterday I was out back and I saw them sitting next to each other on a branch!

      ... but thankfully these hawks do not bring me animal carcasses.

      Delete
  41. My husband found a lone rabbit in a nest in our yard, right in the lawnmower path and I guarded it and checked on its progress daily. At night, I'd see Mama come back to the nest and then I could relax.

    I'm the chick who puts the baby birds back in the nest and carries snakes off to a safe place by the creek. I make everyone release the crayfish and minnows they've caught and move worms off the sidewalk after the rain.

    Perhaps I need a 12 step program...

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    1. You're in good company. I too move the worms and even the rolly pollies off the sidewalk so people don't step on them. I relocated snails because they came in the mulch that got put around our yard, and they were going to die without a proper food source. The wife and I even stopped while bike riding, once, to move a snake out of the path, because people were getting freaked out and wanted to kill it (it was a harmless garden snake).

      In other words, I share this sickness, and if we need a 12 step program, then I guess the first step is admitting we have a problem.

      Delete
  42. Damn, didn't know it was that difficult to raise a baby bunny. That's probably why they wind up having like 3 billion babies in their lifetime. Only about a thousand of the 3 billion survive.

    I don't have any rescue stories as good as this, but a bird got in my house through the chimney, and I manged to get it out of the house without killing it, which I think is pretty special. Then another bird managed to get in the dryer vent while my girlfriend and I were at work. From the trail of blood, poop, and feathers, it appeared that our cat murdered it, dragged it upstairs, and the dog ate the carcass. They almost got away with it too, if only they were smart enough to clean up the evidence.

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    1. Dogs are just the worst kind of murderers. It's like they aren't even trying to get away with it.

      Sadly, some of the rabbits around here like to try to hide in my car engine. There's a tiny entryway in the bottom of the frame, just big enough for them to shimmy up in, and they hang out in the engine bay. The only problem with that is that the first time that happened, I didn't know until I drove it for 10 minutes and then came home, shut off the engine, and saw the hood smoking, just very lightly. It also smelled like charred flesh. Sure enough, I had nuked a bunny. Blood. Was. Everywhere.

      Now I check my engine bay every single time I leave (thank God I don't drive often). Otherwise I might end up inadvertently killing more than I save.

      This is not a pillow

      Delete
    2. Jesus, I was expecting a tiny rabbit. I should feel bad, but that story got a hearty chuckle out of me. Granted, I probably wouldn't have found it so funny if I had to clean bunny blood off my engine.

      Delete
  43. There is a happy buzz within fuzzy me,
    Its my wabbit DNA coursing through me with glee.
    For deep within, behind wabbit skin,
    my gentle instincts hanker for gin!

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    1. Seems to me you're right on time,
      So bring the gin and pass the lime.
      Those words sound great to these wabbit ears,
      But that might be because I drink, out of habit, beers.

      Delete
    2. PS - I nominated you as creative bloggers passing round the high fives. Please don't send out crazy zombies to eat me alive, lol.

      Delete
  44. Aw, that was so sweet Bryan. I won't tell you about the baby rabbit my cat left me the other day . .

    I did rescue a cat once. I was working at a park, collecting fees at the gate. This lady brought in a box of kittens in hopes of giving them away. The signs said no dogs, nothing about kittens, so I took her money and ignored the box. And forgot all about her. The next morning when I was opening up the kiosk one of the maintenance guys came by with the ugliest Calico cat you could imagine. Swollen nipples, hair gone in ugly patches, sores all over her. She was so limp she barely lifted her head to lap at a water bowel. I called my hubs and he brought a can of cat food, which she barely picked at. Of course I had to take her home at the end of the day, even knowing she was likely to end up under a tree in the yard by the next morning. But she was still hanging in there when I got up, so I made her an appointment with the vet, and accepted the inevitable fee of humanely putting her out of her misery.

    The vet's office required a name, so I named her Scar (Lion King constantly recycling on the VHS player). The Vet said she was less than a year old, and pointed out the obvious that she was still nursing kittens when she'd been abandoned. Despite her ugly, patchy skin, he determined she was healthy, not afflicted with mange, and likely suffering from an allergy to fleas (she was covered in them). What? I'd never heard that.

    He gave her a shot (I cringed at the size of the needle but she barely flinched she was so weak), suggested we give her a flea bath, and charged $50 for the assessment. I had expected much worse. Home I went with her, full of skepticism, but followed his advice about the bath (sadly she did not fight the water at all), strapped on a flea collar, and patiently waited out the night. The next day she moved about some, ate better. After three more days she was investigating the house and picking out her favorite napping spots, the tip of her tail in constant happy dance. By the end of three months most of her hair had grown back, long and silky, oh so petable. She was playful, beautiful, gaining weight nicely. Too nicely; within six months she presented us with six gorgeous kittens.

    We kept one (named him Spot), gave the others away to family, immediately spayed Scar, who did not seem to mind the operation. And we kept her beautifully flea free. Two of our favorite cats of all time. Both were excellent hunters in the fields around the house; particularly fond of wild rabbit :)

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    1. Wow, what an awesome story! And here you thought they were just going to end up putting her down. If there's one thing I've learned about cats, it's that they're incredibly resilient. Cats truly do have 9 lives. Whereas with bunnies, 1 in 9 is lucky to make it past puberty.

      And it's okay, my cats have never brought me a rabbit, but growing up my 22 lb. Maine Coon brought me a dead skunk. That... was just awful in every way.

      Delete
  45. I was told to read your blog after posting about the bunny in my yard. What a wonderful story.
    @msdeniseh553
    Life After Retirement

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    1. Hey, thanks for dropping by! And nice to meet someone else who has a soft spot for the little buggers.

      Delete
  46. I love you. I love you for saving the bunny. If I wander out of my house and fall in the driveway, no one will pick me up. But I can die happy because you saved the bunny. I don't have animal rescue stories other than adopting dogs and cats from rescue groups. The organizations are the real rescuers. I get to have the reward of adopting the animals.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Much love your way as well. If it's any consolation, I don't think anyone would help me if I fell in my driveway either. There'd probably be plenty of smartphones taking video for Youtube, though. For being humans, we sure don't show each other a lot of humanity.

      I think adopting counts. Now that I've rescued my bengal cat, I'm surprised to see how many rich yuppies plunk down thousands of dollars to buy luxury cats they don't know how to take care of and then give them up because hey, this wild cat is acting like a wild cat and that does not comply with my $10,000 designer couch.

      Delete
  47. This is such a heartwarming story! You and your wife really went above and beyond to nurse Grimes back to health. I never realized how delicate baby bunnies were. I once applied a tourniquet to our goldfish, but he/she had already been a part of our family for years, so it doesn't come close to your truly selfless act, This may open up a new world of children's books for you, Bryan.

    Julie

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    1. Why thank you! But I'm not sure if that'd be inspiring or horrifying for small children. "The Baby Bunny That Almost Died: Tales of Why It's Good to Just Let Mommy and Daddy Help A Hurt Bunny Because You Will Murder Them With Your Clumsy Child Hands."

      (Working title)

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  48. Some deadbeat might have stomped on Grimes with his shit-caked shoe and laughed, so you two did an awesome job. Those who told you it was stupid... *shakes head* Stupid is what stupid does.

    Congrats to Brandon!

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    1. Thanks! - Brandon, who is back

      Those are the exact kind of dipshits that live around here, so I don't think it's mere coincidence that she came to my driveway for help, of all places. - Bryan, who has never left but might one day if animals stop needing him

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  49. Ah - this story just warms my heart...so nice of you both to take this little creature in and tend to her needs. I tried to save a baby bird that fell from a nest a couple of weeks ago, but sadly the story did not end well. She was too weak. I am not sure how long she had been on the ground, but I knew she wouldn't make it at least she didn't have to cross the bridge by herself..my eyes are tearing..this is a heart warming post. You both did an awesome job and my instinct tells me your friend is a survivor.

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    1. It sucks when we try to help an animal and they're just too weak, but we thought the same as you - even if she did die, at least she'd have died being comforted and cared for. I couldn't imagine dying alone and in agony. You did a damn good thing. :) Lesser people would have just said "What's the point?" and turned a blind eye.

      Humanity - it's not just for humans.

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  50. That's a great rescue story! I'm glad you fed her milk and not beer. ;)

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    1. Beer always makes ME feel better when I'm feelin' crappy, but with baby bunnies, probably not so much.

      Delete
  51. I once saw a deer out in the woods. It looked cold and hungry so...I had it over for dinner.
    mmmmm...venison.

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    1. And you didn't even think to invite us? For shame.

      Delete
  52. Holy shit, just about the cutest post I've ever seen...and hilarious, too. "I didn't remember putting one there." Love it!

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    1. Thanks! And at least I remembered to release her. "What's that smell coming from my bath tub?"

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  53. Awwwe, those pictures are so cute. As a matter of fact this whole post just reeks of cuteness. I love it! That video of you guys feeding Grimes should win an award for it's over all cuteness and humanitarian efforts. I also found it quite informative and have decided I must be a baby bunny because the stress of my life is slowly killing me. Thanks for the heads up.

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    1. So from now on, you should be careful not to bathe. Doing so could put your body into extreme shock and kill you. Or at least that's how I excuse my lack of showers.

      And shhh, keep it down! I mean, I appreciate the kind words, but I have a reputation to maintain around here...

      Delete
  54. Interesting post, I didn't know all these about them!

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    1. You mean people actually LEARN on this website? Gross.

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  55. This was very touching. I was amazed by how small that rabbit was. A few months back when we thought we'd found a baby rabbit dying and 'rescued' it I did the same research you did and saw how hard it was to rescue them. I also saw that 'baby' rabbits are much smaller than the (probably just tired and enjoying the sun) juvenile rabbit we'd kidnapped and locked into a box. So we let him go and he's still living in our yard. YES I AM CERTAIN IT IS HIM ALL RABBITS DON'T LOOK THE SAME HE'S ALIVE D**N IT.

    We named ours "Baca." And by "we" I mean "our 8 year old who doesn't understand how names work".

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    1. If he named it Baca as homage to Chewbacca then I'd say he understands names perfectly.

      And this is exactly why we didn't release her in our neighborhood. We know she'd just hang around forever. Enjoy your pseudo-pet, Baca.

      COME ON, MAN. ROOKIE MISTAKE.

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  56. I'm so glad I got to this post it was positively adorable! The really heroic part of that was that you let the bunny go after it became healthy again. I would have tried to keep it :P

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    1. Keeping her sounded good on paper, but she's a wild animal, not very well trained, and would eventually smell. I like remembering her fondly when she didn't smell...

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