Monday, May 25, 2015

The Which A Beer For The Shower Character Are You Quiz

If you've ever been on Facebook, then you're probably familiar with those idiotically inane Buzzfeed quizzes that people love to take, and post, and share. Quizzes like "Which Brady Bunch Character Are You?" and "What Type of Flower Are You?" and "Which Norwegian Fishing Vessel Are You?" They're all full of dumb, arbitrary questions that have nothing to do with anything, leading to an answer that never makes sense, and all you have to do is fork over every piece of personal information you've ever had. What's not to love?

So today we decided to create our own quiz!




Seeing as how Brandon was once a Psychology-major undergrad, and Bryan once read a book on relationship advice (and made it half way through), let us assure you we're totally qualified to present this to you. It's simple. Just answer each of the ten multiple choice questions, add up the number of a,b, and c answers you gave, and voila! You'll then know which ABFTS character is your spirit animal. Or whatever this stupid quiz is about.

1. What is your favorite shape of cheese?
a. Wheel
b. Slice
c. Confetti

2. Do you prefer cats or dogs?
a. Cats
b. Dogs
c. A cat-dog hybrid, but with two anuses and no faces.

3. How many drinks, on average, do you consume on a night out?
a. I don't drink. Alcohol rots the mind.
b. I haven't blacked out in like, at least a week.
c. How many drinks are there in a liter?





4. Have you ever killed a man?
a. Yup, killt him good.
b. Heavens no! I only wounded him.
c. I didn't kill a man, per se.

5. Have you ever read a "banned book?"
a. Censorship is my middle name.
b. Really, Marie is my middle name, but yes, I've never read a "banned book."
c. I don't know how to read, but chose this answer (like all previous questions) because I approve of the fun half-moon shape of the letter 'C'.

6.  How often do you engage in a display of public mastication?
a. Only when small children are around.
b. My parole officer says I can't, but that hasn't stopped me yet, has it?
c. I totally knew that word meant 'eating', I'm just shy about public acts of digestion.




7. What is your favorite color of person?
a. A burnt kind of puce.
b. A taupish mauve.
c. Does it matter? They all taste the same on the inside.

8. We're no strangers to love. You know the rules, and so do I. What will you never do to us?
a. Give us up.
b. Let us down.
c. Run around and desert us.

9. Who farted?
a. He who smelt it dealt it.
b. He who denied it supplied it.
c. Like everything else in this country, I blame Obama.

10. What's your favorite part of the opposite sex?
a. The placenta.
b. The wenis.
c. Does it matter? They all taste the same on the inside.

Alright, so add up your total. If you picked mostly As, then you're a Brandon. If you picked mostly Bs, then you're a Bryan. And if you picked mostly Cs, then you're a freakish hybrid mashup of the two of us, raised in a test tube, spliced together like some cruel act of God, and brought forth into this world screaming and begging for the sweet release that is death. And if you didn't answer a single question but instead chose to eat a patch of grass, then you're Peggy Sue the Retarded Break Dancing Goat. Or something like that.

So please share all of your personal information your results below! ...Or don't! We don't really give a shit. Even our own results don't make sense and we created this quiz.




So fess up, Internet friends. Do you take these inane Facebook quizzes?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
B&B

Music: Rick Astley
Beer: Deschutes Mirror Pond



124 comments:

  1. Those quizzes are always so stupid. Especially if you know the characters too well. You could easily get the character you want by changing your answers to the right fit.

    The same goes for when people tag you in a story and you have a "role"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thankfully we've never been tagged in Facebook stories. Because all of our Facebook friends are old and can barely use "the Internet machine." Also, we have no friends.

      Delete
  2. Stupid sexy Brandon. I'll admit I took a lot of them when I was younger, but I don't think it has anything to do with youth as people who are older than me still occasionally take them. For fun I'll take a buzzfeed one every once in a while but it's not as fun once you learn you can manipulate the answers because the questions, answers, and outcomes are ever so obvious.

    Oh according to your quiz I'm totes a Brandon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know a 56 year old woman (FB friend) who takes those things constantly, so yes, bad Buzzfeed quizzes know no age. And hey, what do you know? My results said I was a Brandon too. Also, Brandon IS Brandon. We're like, totally on the same wavelength here. It's eerie.

      Delete
  3. One more reason I'm glad I'm not on Facebook.
    A few of my answers were B's, but the rest were D's. Who am I now?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, QUIZ?

      Great, you broke the system. And the Matrix. I guess that makes you Brandon Sue the Break Dancing Retarded Bryan.

      Delete
  4. Ha, ha!!! Thanks for the Rickroll!

    Nice ass, Brandon. Also, love the hair color... that'll get you plenty of victims to mate and then kill.

    SHOCKER: As it turns out, I am a freakish hybrid mashup of the two of you.... which just proves that there were a few times that the shower was not only for cleaning, for thinking, and for drinking.... so I wonder how many more love children you two have together.
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the Rickroll was just invented so that people would have an excuse to listen to that song without being judged. "Oh, I'm just playing the entire 3 minutes and 32 seconds of that song because it's a prank." I'm gonna just say it - it's a guilty pleasure song, and everyone loves that song, whether they admit it or not.

      And I don't know how many love children we have, but I just hope they inherit Brandon's elbows and they inherit my retinas. Those are two traits just too good to not pass on to future generations.

      Delete
  5. Can't talk now -- gotta go bleach my eyeballs to erase that image of Brandon as the Black Widow, you bastards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it possible to turn someone even gayer than they are now? Because I think we just achieved that. You're welcome.

      Delete
    2. Fair enough. I guess I owe you one for all the mileage I've gotten out of repeatedly calling your wives your beards.

      Delete
    3. You mean calling our beards our wives?

      Delete
  6. I'm totally a Bryan!! My ADD won't let me sit still and click through the questions long enough to complete the quizzes. That and they are usually stupid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fun fact: while I was reading about these stupid quizzes I came across a study that said that even though people have a shorter attention span than ever, 90% of people that start these quizzes finish them. And no one knows why. If you see how many people are taking these quizzes that number is pretty astounding. Regardless, count me in the "tried to take one, made it 2 questions in, got bored and left" category.

      Delete
  7. What if half my answers were a and half were b? The freakish mashup is already taken with the C's. So I'm just stuck lingering in the middle?

    Those quizzes are soooooooo stupid, the cat already made fun of those stupid things. So glad I'm no longer on dumb facebook. Brandon as Black Widow was a worse image than you two as women last week. Has to be the spandex.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you questioning the test? This is scientific stuff here, pal. We're actually trying to replace the SATs with this high caliber test. High schools and colleges will be begging us for this test.

      And hey, don't hate. If you had glutes like Brandon you'd show off those babies ALL. THE. TIME.

      Delete
  8. Great and funny read as usual, crazy quizzes!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is such a Brandon-Bryan hybrid thing of you to say.

      Delete
  9. I'm a Bryan, leaning towards a freakish mash up. Is that good?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, based on test results, you should induce vomiting immediately and call the poison control center.

      Delete
  10. They're designed to keep simpletons from logging out of facebook, so Satanberg can prove to the board of directors that Facebook is not going the way of MySpace. The sad thing is that it's working. If you search how much time people spend on Facebook every day you'll weep for our future. I think it said people log in an average of THIRTEEN times a day. Imagine if those people read news articles or I don't know spoke to other human beings with that time? Or trained monkeys to fly which is a more likely scenario than humans improving themselves. As a Simpsons fan it's hard not to type 'stupid sex Flanders-Brandon!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So... stupid sexy Branders?

      Considering I log into Facebook maybe once a day, it's horrifying to think that there's someone who logs in 26 times a day to balance it all out. Get a fucking life. Or go outside. There's a whole world of interesting people out there! It's in stunning HD quality, and it's free!

      Delete
  11. I've only been on facebook for about 6 weeks, so I haven't taken those tests. Well, I mean, I've only ACTIVELY been on facebook - with facebook friends - for about 6 weeks. before that, I had a shell account to stalk exes and other people. Like everyone does...

    I am dying to find out which 80's band I am, though!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you're a Rick Astley then you are totally our goddamn spirit animal.

      Delete
  12. Can I go for Double Jeopardy where the game can really change?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only if you pass Go, collect $200, and scream "Yahtzee!"

      Delete
  13. I do love when Peggy Sue shows up in a post. Okay, my Social Security number is 223-45-...wait a second, it says that I'm a hybrid of the old football-shaped-head drawings of you! That wasn't even one of the options! Stupid quizzes, I'm still failing them in my 30's. Will nothing ever change!?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think you just helped created a new insult. "You're so stupid you could fail a Buzzfeed quiz."

      Now... about this social security number... you were saying?

      Delete
  14. I got "cat." Does that make sense? Cat? Cat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, since it's been statistically proven that 95% of the Internet is cats (the other 5% is porn) I'm surprised more people didn't score this. Cat? Caaaat.

      Delete
  15. Well, I got mostly Bs, which makes me Bryan. Should I be scared about that????

    Also, I had no idea what a wenis was until this post. Thank you so much for linking to that and clearing it all up for me.

    Since I'm Bryan, I guess that also makes me Phil Coulson. This might surprise you, but I'm totally down with that. He has a car that flies and he's DEAD. But not. Not only that, he's got Iron Man on speed dial. I'd love to have Iron Man on speed dial. Okay... not Iron Man, but RDJ. We've already been through that infatuation, right???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. After working together for so long, it's only naturally that you amorphously absorb some of my qualities. And also my vocabulary. See? It's not all dirty. It just SOUNDS dirty.

      And aside from you being Phil Coulsin, that means you're also a russet potato. Which, if you ask me, is spot on. And it makes for killer alliteration... Russet Robin.

      Delete
  16. I'm a bryan-hybrid-hybrid. 3/4ths Bryan, 1/4ths Brandon. God has some twisted humor.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the underlying message here is that we could all use a few more 1/4ths of B&B in our lives. But not the whole thing. That's just too much at once.

      Delete
  17. A-List stuffs, BEER BOYS!

    I've never taken a Facebook quiz because I have no face... book.
    But I sure as hell took YOUR quiz:

    1: B
    2: B
    3: Six of 'Icky' India Pale Ale and half a dozen of 'Wild Horse' Ale, which I believe, for me, translates to "B".
    4: B
    5: B
    6: B

    If 6-Bs don't make me a Bryan, I don't know what would!

    Ran into trouble with #7: I don't like ANY people, so my choice would be "invisible", a color that is technically called "Clear".

    8: C. I would never dessert you boys.
    9: C (It smelled like a communist fart to me.)
    10: ?

    That fart was so bad that I had to leave the room before I could finish the test.

    I think my favorite moment was when Brandon said, "Wow. That is such a Russet thing to say". I yam sure Brandon was right.

    To paraphrase Goofy on Main Street U.S.A. (at 'The Happiest Place On Earth'): "Reading 'A Beer For The Shower' is a great way to start the day!"

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is such a Russian Banana thing of you to say. You scored as half 6-B, but you also scored as a Russian Banana potato. I don't know how that got in there. The Internet must have a leak. It does make sense, though.

      Like a Russian Banana, you're Goofy, like to think outside the box, and Russians clearly don't understand a damn thing about you since they keep calling you a fruit.

      Delete
  18. I'm the weird freaky mash-up. Does that mean I make very good jokes, can actually draw, and use words gooder than most people?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, you're like the best of both worlds. You took all of our good qualities and left us the bad ones. We'll be out of a blogging job by next week. Why did you have to destroy us, Braycheldon?

      Delete
  19. Ok-Guilty as charged. I am that stupid goat with blond hair. Show me a stupid quiz and I must try them out-I am very bad that way. Just call me goat girl

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, on the plus side, you can dance really well AND you have a lot of fiber in your system from all that grass you've been eating. Plus, they do say that blonds have more fun. I feel like goats are no exception. Baaaah.

      Delete
  20. Hmm, my results came up crazy cat lady with lime jello inside. Does that taste right Brandonfridg?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lime jello is actually Fridgebrandon's kryptonite, and by shoving that inside of him, well, let's just say I'm gonna need a whole team of people to clean up all of these cold pieces of plastic covered in viscera.

      Delete
  21. Says here I'm Sean Connery.

    I don't take part in Silly BF quizzes, I actually weed people out of Facebook with them. They spent time on a quiz when they could have done something interesting? When's the next time I'm gonna see THAT person at a social gathering and think of how cool it is that they scored Michael Jackson on the "which pop star are you?!" quiz?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you came back as this type of Sean Connery...

      And yes, agreed with you 100%. Especially the boneheads who think they're smart for answering "10 out of 10 on the can you name this nostalgic 80s item trivia quiz!" Yes, most people can name what a cassette player is. Don't rush out and call Mensa just yet.

      Delete
  22. Well, apparently I'm Bryan. Go me? Although I must say that my favorite fart-blame sayings when I was in elementary school was always "The smeller's the feller." Mainly because it insinuates that boys are the only ones who pass gas. Which is completely true.

    This quiz was clearly very scientific* and carefully**-designed. I am very impressed***.

    * (Taken out of the back of a Highlights magazine)
    ** (Drunkenly)
    *** (Confused, and a bit disturbed)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you just taught us both something about farts and gave us a new saying. Who said blogging about body odors can't be a learning experience?

      And you're definitely a Bryan, because you've now mastered the multiple asterisk gag. And we all know that Bryan is a huge fan of crafting* high class comedy** in the blogosphere***.

      * gangbanging
      ** transsexual prostitutes
      *** back alley

      Delete
  23. My first quiz...how'd I do?

    1-B
    2-A (only because they are less work)
    3-A
    4-C
    5-A
    6-C
    7-C
    8-C
    9-C
    10-C

    The winner? The guy who picked all "C's" because of the shape....

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The quiz threw me off, because C is my favorite shape of cheese, but not my favorite shape of letter. I feel like the whole system is flawed and doesn't account for unique perspective. But what do I know? I'm just one half of an idiotic comedy website.

      Delete
  24. This is so many kinds of awesome, including the links that my answers led me too. And Brandon in black spandex - he looks REALLY hot. It must be 115 degrees in that thing. I never heard "He who denied it supplied it." I like that. It's true and truly hilarious.

    My thing about these quizzes is that so many otherwise seemingly intelligent people brag about the results and post them on facebook. I'm tired of it. If I ever decide to waste my time on one of those stupid quizzes, I wouldn't let anyone - much less the internet world - know about it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I love when those quizzes are like "Can you identify these famous paintings?" and someone boasts "Yeah, I got 10 out of 10. I'm pretty smart and cultured."

      Wow, you identified Van Gogh's Starry Night and Edvard Munch's The Scream, two of the most popular paintings on the planet? Not only are you a genius, you're beyond cultured. You should open your own gallery. I bow down before your brilliant Facebookery.

      Delete
  25. Okay, I'll admit it: I have once or twice taken one of those "which Star Wars character are you" quizzes.
    I'm getting too old for this kind of thing.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yes, I've taken a few of them. Last one was How many of these 80's songs do you recognize. I got 89% right on that one and I didn't even use Google. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please tell me Rick Astley was on that quiz. If not, the quiz just isn't real and is not accepted as a valid aptitude test.

      Delete
  27. Facebook quizzes? If I'm very very bored, I get testy... there, I said it.

    I'm Peggy Sue, woot! (I kinda knew that already.)

    Brandon, dear, can we talk? Before stepping into the Black Widow's suit you really need Spanx... and to tuck...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Testy. I like that. Totally makes up for all of that grass eating.

      And it's okay, Brandon doesn't need to tuck. He lost his willy in a horrific accident late last year. I hear they call it marriage. No word on if he'll ever recover it, but if he does, it'll have to be retrieved from his wife's purse, where it's currently stored.

      Delete
  28. I took most of the quiz til it became evident I qualified for the mash-up category, but I had more b's than a's so I'm an unknown entity, probably. I don't think I feel any more enlightened. . .which is a good reason to avoid such quizzes. I have been to Quizzers-Anon but it's tough to kick that habit of liking to take quizzes. You did need a IDK choice, or None of the Above.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you telling me you can't accurately test someone's aptitude, intelligence, or personality with simplistic multiple choice questions that don't allow for a unique perspective? Because Facebook would tell me otherwise, and they're a billion dollar industry, so they have to be doing something right. You know, like feeding idiots these stupid quizzes.

      Delete
  29. I've never taken an internet quiz, so I might as well start now. ababccccac
    Look! I invented a new language.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh, I love new languages.

      ccabbaabba

      I'm sorry if that's a little harsh, but it's the truth, and I feel like you need to hear it. Though I am sorry for bringing your family into it, and I probably shouldn't have sworn so much.

      Delete
    2. No need for apologies. You've set me straight. We'll do better from now on.

      Delete
  30. I must have clicked on the wrong quiz. Mine says I'm a Heineken drinking, bouncing beach bum. I'll have to go back...haha! Seriously, I've taken one or two until I found out how ridiculous they really are. I have a friend who takes every one and posts them. Drives me nuts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, show me your answers. I want to be a beach bum. I'm sick of being a landlocked, break dancing, retarded goat.

      Delete
  31. No A, B, C, or D's. IHey maybe with Scottys help I can warp back in time and change the answer to my quiz results so I sound groovy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dammit Jim, I'm a blogger, not a mathemagician.

      Delete
  32. AABBACCCCC. I'm almost a Swedish pop group with a cool crescent shaped thing! I could get drunk and wear that spandex thing and march in the 4th of July parade. At least I'm not either of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish we weren't us either. You want to trade? We'll throw in the spandex for free. Only lightly used. Minimal skidmarks. Might need an air freshener or six.

      Delete
  33. Sorry guys, I have never participated in FB so I have not taken a FB internet quiz. I did, however, read through yours and made some careful selections the results were inconclusive...then the magic 8 ball told me I was more of a hawk..or was that friends with a hawk..or was it I like to soar with a hawk?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not on the book of faces? We envy you. It's a vast wasteland of idiocy... and yet it feels like a necessary evil so people can connect with us. It does allow me to post pictures of my hawk buddy, though. :)

      My hawk buddy looks like a complete nerd when he's happy

      Delete
  34. All the links on #8 led to that same song. I should have known but I kept on clicking. So ya, I did get the role of Peggy Sue the Retarded Break Dancing Goat. Scorsese rung me up last night to tell me. I was all like "Martin, I can't believe I got this role. Being in the ABFTS made for tv movie is really going to be my break out role." And he was all like "But Anne, you ARE Peggy Sue the Retarded Break Dancing Goat."

    See you boys on the set!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You ARE though. And you're lucky - our made for TV movie cast Carlos Mencia as Bryan and Dane Cook as Brandon. It doesn't seem Lifetime thinks very highly of us. So please distract everyone from the terrible comedy by dancing your orthopedic shoes off.

      Delete
  35. I confess, I have done one or two of those, I agree, they are stupid. I had a cousin who used to use the wrong word when she meant masticate. Dunno if she still confuses them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If that word's what I think it is, then that made for some very hilarious mistakes. One of my childhood friends always used the wrong word for organism. Also made for some very funny mistakes.

      Delete
  36. I was on Facebook for about two minutes and gave it up. Never did MySpace, Instagram or any other social media other than blogging and I'm about this close (pinches thumb and index finger togeter) to giving that up. So... I can't believe people really buy into these kind of profile polls. Are you kidding me? At least in the past when they were the 'sex polls' in COSMO or PLAYBOY you did it in the privacy of your own home and could lie about the results. (Just dated myself didn't I?) NOW, everything is public. YIKES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you're telling me that when I scored 10 out of 10 on this "Are you a bronze sex god?" quiz that I'm not, in fact, a bronzed god of sex? Cosmo.com lied to me?

      Delete
  37. I usually can't figure out how to do those things, but once I did figure out one and it said I was Einstein. Yeah, he was an idiot too I guess. Oh, yeah, and there was one that said I was Obama. Now we're talking I guess.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Road trippin' with A to Z
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, so you're the one I can blame for Obamacare? And global warming? And teen pregnancy? Well maybe if you didn't spend all day taking Einstein Facebook quizzes you could have fixed this country already. For shame!

      Delete
    2. Actually if the real Obama stayed on Facebook all day maybe somebody else could get some things done.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Wrote By Rote

      Delete
    3. I took the "Which Obama are you?" test and I scored as Obama. I'm not sure how I feel about that.

      Delete
  38. A patch of grass? Excuse me! It was a shot of wheat grass! Just because I'm conscious of my body's health does not make me a retarded, break dancing goat! This quiz only proves tha--baaah. It only proves th--baaaaaah! Damn it, it's happeni--BAAAAH!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you want scientific proof of this test's accuracy, folks, look no further.

      Delete
  39. I'm my own brand and so I did not officially take the quiz, per se. I only read the answers but elected not to form an opinion as to which would best represent my feelings.

    Therefore, the end results of said quiz would be null and void, being that I did not take the quiz. I am still me and not a fridge....or a Brandon...or God help me, a Bryan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am part goat, however. But that was before I read this. So no, your quiz still did not change who I am.

      Delete
    2. No, but our quiz only helped to invalidate that. And what's wrong with being Bryan? I think he's done well in society as a functioning retarded person/functioning alcoholic.

      Delete
  40. This is why I failed at the quizzes in Cosmo. I never kept track of my answers so I would have to go back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now you'll just probably never know what kind of "sex goddess" you are. Which is invaluable information. I'm a roaring princess. I'm not sure the test is designed for men, but I take it as a compliment.

      Delete
  41. No, no, NO, I don't do those stupid online quizzes, even if the person who posted it is someone I once thought of as being highly intelligent. I mean, really? Does anyone really CARE about those silly things? (The quizzes, not the formerly intelligent.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, this morning I took a quiz on which Sex and the City character I am, and I think I learned a lot about myself as a Samantha. You just can't teach that kind of soul searching in a classroom.

      Delete
  42. Wait, so what you guys are saying is that the quizzes on Facebook are NOT scientifically created and processed? Hmmm. So does that also mean I'm not Peggy Sue? Darn it! I was all excited that I was going to be a part of your blog now...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell you what, if you dress up in a goat costume, wear one orthopedic shoe, and send us pictures of you dancing, we'll memorialize you on this blog FOR ETERNITY.

      Delete
  43. B&B:
    Okay, I admit to taking some of these quizzes...in he past.
    (yeah, even at MY age...oy!)

    Since I don't do Facebook, or any OTHER social media other than blogging, I do it the "long way"...heh.
    (googlesearch)

    Thew quizzes you displayed here are amazingly funny, with the possible exception of the superhero one.
    (took THREE different quizzes - found out I was either THE PUNISHER, BATMAN, or CAPTAIN AMERICA.
    Helluva team right THERE, hmm?

    I would conclude that those quizzes were scientifically correct...LOL.
    (and I got some beachfront property in Nevada,. just in case the BIG ONE hits)

    Suffice it to say I will not post "my" answers here. Some of those questions have to have been written by YOUR TWO...!
    (also, I don't want some clandestine agency to "mine" any personal info...well any MORE than it already does for all of us)
    :)

    Another excellent post.

    Stay safe out there, guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's okay, just by reading this post we already know your social security number, your credit score, and your height and weight. And I do have to say, you keep yourself healthy. You could stand to open another bank account though. Let us help?

      Delete
  44. I admit to taking some of those quizzes, but in fairness I work in an office at a computer all day and sometimes there is really nothing better to do than take stupid quizzes on buzzfeed. There are only so many cat videos.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you telling me that the amount of cat videos on the Internet is finite? Because based on extensive research* I've concluded that's just not possible.

      *endlessly watching cat videos until my brain is melted

      Delete
  45. I tried SO hard to answer seriously. Seeing me sitting here with my pen and pad scribbling my answers down with my tongue poking out... it would have looked either shameful or adorable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All of that, and no spilling the beans on what you scored? Or is the tongue poking out an indicator that you're a Peggy Sue? She does that a lot.

      Delete
    2. Well, you may have scored as Bryan, but Bryan scored as Brandon, and Brandon scored as the goat, so I think it's fair to say that there's a little bit of mentally retarded goat in all of us.

      Delete
  46. I usually don't take these quizzes, but I made an exception here and it seems that I'm Brandon ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well you got the right answer. According to Brandon, anyway. Bryan's still a little hurt, but he'll get over it.

      Delete
  47. Inane Facebook quizzes... What... is Facebook?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's that magical place where intelligence goes to die. The news is made up, half of what you read is an ad, and people will argue with you even if they agree with you, purely for the sake of arguing. It's the kind of place that everyone belongs to and no one has any fucking idea why.

      Delete
    2. I've heard of it. It's like a black hole: it suck the hell out of everyone and t the same time produced a pile of crap (like a black hole). Maybe it's a magic trick. ;)

      Delete
  48. I'm a C...hahaha. I didn't kill a +man+, per se.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No one holds it against you for what you did to that transgender. She had it coming.

      Delete
  49. That was highly entertaining as usual. Now I am mad at myself for not thinking up that idea for a post myself. I can always steal it and post mine like a year from now and no one would even know. I'm hungry for a wheel of cheese now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can steal it now if you want. We aren't picky about that kind of thing. It'll be a super fun Internet party. We'll bring the cheese wheel, you bring the sandwich bag full of wine.

      Delete
  50. Replies
    1. I just hope you aren't the hybrid that has 2 anuses instead of faces.

      Delete
  51. LOL! As stupid as those quizzes are, I used them to procrastinate.

    I’m between Bryan and a freakish hybrid. Well, I’m not actually between them. I’m behind them, dunking their heads in an apple-bobbing contest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I did pretty poorly at the apple bobbing, but if the other guy is still down there after an hour does that mean I won or lost? That's some real commitment to drowning.

      Delete
  52. Sorry it took me so long to finish the quiz, but I asked for extra time. Fortunately, after I filled out all the forms, and had them signed by my doctor, dentist, and a Walmart greeter, I finally qualified. Then my pencil broke, and I couldn't find a sharpener. For some reason, Peggy Sue's name popped up at the end. Whenever I say this was one of your best, you top it the following week, so I'm not falling for that again.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If laughter persists for more than 4 hours, consult your doctor. Possible side effects of ABFTS include sleepwalking, night blindness, projectile vomiting, and birth defects. Do not leave ABFTS around small children, and if ingested, induce vomiting immediately before calling a poison control center.

      Delete
  53. Woahhhh woah woah woah, wtf is confetti cheese????? x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know how guys go to strip clubs and "make it rain"? Imagine that with cheese. It's AWESOME.

      Delete
  54. I was going to take the quiz but when you said you would access my bra size, I just couldn't go there. And people do all taste the same on the inside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn! What if we tell you our bra size? Will that help?

      Delete
  55. Reason # 438 of why I'm glad I'm not on Facebook.

    And how did you know I killt him real good? Did you witness it? Where do you live, again? Just wondering.

    I think my favorite part was your permission panel. Well done, boys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's only two options. Either you dun tried to killt him and he got away, or you killt him real good. There is no in between.

      Delete
  56. Replies
    1. Yes? What?

      Oh! You were just answering! Errr, I knew that. Carry on.

      Delete
  57. I didn't take it. These quizzes are the starbellies of our time. They will tear us apart and nobody will go to the weenie roasts and Sylvester McMonkey McBean will have all our money! And then we'll learn a lesson of course which is "once you go star, you never stray far..." OOH those starbellies. They're so hot. Forbidden love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anyone who didn't read that Dr. Seuss story probably thinks you're batshit crazy. Maybe even those who do know the story. Me? I don't judge. I'm a happy non-star, now that everyone else is a star. It's good to be unique.

      (Now everyone thinks we're batshit crazy, too)

      Delete
  58. I actually got paid to make one of those one time. I'd make them constantly if I made money at it. Taking them, not so much. I got C, freaky hybrid. Also, what is confetti cheese?

    ReplyDelete