Monday, May 18, 2015

A Wine for the John

Once upon a time ago you guys asked us a ton of questions. Every other week we make an attempt at answering them. Questions are answered randomly, so if you asked a question but we haven't gotten to it yet... worry not, we'll get there. We just want to make sure and give the best answers we can. So... time to learn more than you ever wanted to know about us. Onward!

Jeff Bushman: What would life be like for you if you were chicks? Brianna and Brendalina? What would you write about then? Do you think your blog could possibly be as hysterical as it is now? Would it have a new title such as A Candle for the Bathtub?

Easy. We can answer all of that in one comic.







Sure, we'd each have a rockin' pair of bewbs and a few ovaries rattlin' around in our bodies, but blog life wouldn't be all that different for Brenda and Bryanna, and we'd like to think that we'd be just as funny as we are now. The level of funny isn't dictated by what you've got between your legs. And to prove that, all of today's comics will feature our new female personas.

So welcome to A Wine for the John, where after a hard, agonizing day, sometimes it's just nice to lock yourself in the bathroom and drown your sorrows in a cheap bottle of wine or three... just so long as you don't literally drown yourself in your tub.

Dixie: I was wondering about your water activities. Do you swim? Ski? Pontoon? Canoe? Tubing Parasail? (And, no, I don't need to know about bathing... we know you shower with a beer!)

Brandon: I was on the high school swim team a long time ago and do still swim occasionally for exercise. It's much easier on my ego now that my only competition is a pool full of geriatric women doing aquatarobics. I feel like an Olympic god in the water now. Also, I grew up with plenty 'o' redneck friends and have done my share of hillbilly water sportsing.
Bryan: Can I just say that "I was wondering about your water activities" is probably the best conversation starter I've ever heard? I think I'm gonna use that one at my next family gathering. So... I actually can't swim. At all. I sink like a stone and the water terrifies me. I could probably manage to drown in the bathtub if I tried hard enough. I have gone whitewater rafting, though, because the river is only about 3 feet tall. Anything over that is off limits and likely full of sharks and killer octopus and death. Or so I tell myself.

Mayor Gia: Hmm....what's your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? I'm really looking for embarrassing here. Not "I spend too much time watching my cat do stupid things." Everyone does that. More like "When I'm all alone I put on my comfy pjs and binge watch dance moms and read erotic harry potter fanfiction" embarrassing.

Brandon: I enjoy M. Night Shyamalan movies.
Bryan: Sometimes, when I'm alone, I wrap myself up in a sleeping bag and lather butter all over myself and slide around the kitchen floor pretending I'm a slug. Actually, I just wanted to sound different. My embarrassing guilty pleasure is also movie related. I love Jason Statham action movies. I know they're ridiculous and idiotic. I know I'm going to watch him do something stupid like jump start his own heart with a car battery or deflect a rocket with a pizza pan but I don't care. Logic be damned. I love every stupid moment of it.








Bouncin' Barb: What is your wife's biggest pet peeve about you?

Brandon: I frequently put almost-empty boxes/bottles of things back in the cupboard and refrigerator. And I refuse to change.
Bryan: Oh, this is easy. I am a trail of crumbs. If you want to know where I am at any given time, just follow the crumbs. Apparently my mouth just sucks at chewing, or I eat like a slack jawed mongoloid, or I crush everything I eat with my brutish hands, because I drop crumbs like Michael J. Fox drops quarters at a car wash.

Gayathri: 1) are you bored by non creative people? Are your wives and friends also creative people? Do you find yourself judging all the mundane folk out there with boring accountant or IT jobs?

Brandon: I'm only really bored by boring people. And internet videos that are non-cat-related. None of our friends are the creative sort, thankfully. Not to be a dick, but a lot of artistic types tend to drive me nuts with their pretentious bullshit.
Bryan: Amen. I know we have dickish moments, but I hope neither of us comes across as that particular kind of arrogant douche, because it's annoying as hell. Writing is hard, but so is being an accountant and balancing people's finances. Their job isn't any less interesting or important than ours just because they speak in numbers and we speak in words. Besides, if everyone's creative, then no one's creative. And that in itself is boring. We both love when people come up to us and say, "Wow, I just read (insert book here) and it was so imaginative. How did you ever think up something like that?" That sure beats, "Nice story, but I could think of a hundred better ways to have ended it, you lazy, unoriginal hacks. And yes, I do want fries with that."




Gayathri: 2) if you were forced to study something as abstract as microbiology or engineering or if you had to work a terribly boring job, how would you work your way around it? How would you still manage to be the amazing writers that you are? A simpler way to put this question would be how would you balance between the things you want to do and the things you have no choice but to do?

Brandon: Until we can sell our souls like James Patterson (and people willingly buy them), you just described what we call daily life.
Bryan: I worked in IT for 10 years before I quit my job to write full time, and even now, I'm busier than I ever was with a 40 hour a week job. I wish it was as simple as wake up, write the next great American novel, drink beer, write some more, sleep... but life isn't like that. It's chock full of things we have no choice but to do. It's all about time management and making the best of the writing time you have.

Gayathri: 3) your worst boss? Or the teacher you hated the most? The story surrounding that person.

Brandon: I had an elementary school teacher who once asked me to "stop writing all those made-up stories and write something useful during English period." To her, I now write my most poignant, simple, and attenuated philosophy: Fuck you.
Bryan: Well, since he already covered teacher, I'll tell you about my worst boss. Who was actually the CEO of the company. He was a cheap, elderly man who didn't even understand how computers worked... and so naturally he liked to run the IT department. He once joked that I was so good I could run our entire department singlehandedly... So he fired our entire department and had me do the job of five people. And did I mention he was cheap? Our Christmas bonus was a dollar store card with a five dollar bill in it. He then held a pledge drive to raise money for his grandchildren's Christmas presents at which point the fives were all taken back. Mind you, as the CEO he was most likely worth millions.

Gayathri: 4) we know a lot of people you hate, so someone you admire? And why you admire that person?

Brandon: I admire Stan Lee. Even if his many creative babies have been bastardized and pimped beyond all recognition, he was an innovator in his time and remains one of my biggest influences. And I met him once and he was a hell of a nice guy.
Bryan: I admire M. Night Shyamalan. He keeps making bad movie after bad movie after bad movie, and yet still, no matter how much people hate him for it, he keeps putting out bad movies. You have to admire his dedication, even if you can't admire anything else.

Gayathri: 5) I'm asking way too many questions, but your opinions on YouTubers/vloggers? And also would you ever make vlogs?

Brandon: I make axes, munitions, and horror stories. Some people make vlogs. Everyone needs a hobby.
Bryan: I have no problems with vlogs themselves. I have a problem with 90% of the vlogs on YouTube being pure shit. The ones that are good, though, are good because those people have a particular talent for vlogging. Staring and talking into a camera for 10 minutes is not our particular talent. We'd rather write killer novels and stupid cartoons that make us laugh.







Gayathri: 6) your favorite people on the Internet?

Brandon: Magneto. I'll bet Magneto is a total troll.
Bryan: I think you misspelled "c-a-t-s" as "p-e-o-p-l-e," but I won't hold that against you. My favorite cats are Keyboard Cat (God rest his kitty soul), Nyan Cat, and Longcat. Everyone else on the Internet is a troll or a pervert. Sometimes both. In fact, now that we've made ourselves into women for this post, we eagerly await perverted responses from random browsers that don't realize we're actually two dudes.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
B&B

Music: B.B. King (The Thrill Has Gone)
Wine: Brancott Sauv. Blanc

156 comments:

  1. You guys make good women. Not sure if that's good or not.
    Can't swim? Time to learn! Hate to have you drown in the tub. Or the toilet.
    What's wrong with Statham movies?
    And I like your message to that teacher!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's not that I can't learn, it's that I can't float. So I start a very ambitious doggy paddle, and then I promptly sink like a stone. I can't float to save my life. Literally. Which is why I will never do something stupid like take a cruise or take a very long bath.

      And there is NOTHING wrong with the Statham! Crank and Crank: High Voltage displayed a level of ridiculous creativity that still resonates with me. I just hope they get off their asses and make the third one already.

      Delete
  2. I do not and apparently can not understand unboxing videos. Wait a second, no one enjoys M. Night Shyamalan movies. Especially not movies plural. Maybe one movie, but not multiple movies. It's always, "Sixth Sense was great and well, I guess Unbreakable is sort of okay." But yes, I do admire his pluck to defiantly keep making movies despite the audience aggressively not seeing them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we should reboot The Village. Yes?

      Delete
    2. So which is worse, an unboxing video, or an M. Night Shyamalan movie? I mean, at least the Shyamalan movie has entertainment value. I don't even like watching people open gifts in real life... why would I want to watch them open some random box full of shit and describe what they think about it? The Internet is truly a wasteland of useless thoughts.

      And hey, later this year Shyamallamadingdong is releasing his first horror movie that no one will watch. At least he's mixing it up now. How's that for ambition?

      Delete
    3. Blue - Shyamalan was accused of plagiarizing The Village from a novel, meaning his movie was already kind of a reboot... so... reboot of a reboot?

      Delete
  3. I was on the swim team too. I miss it I haven't been in a pool in way too long. Also I love M. Night Shyamalan I have no idea how he is still making movies. Since I haven't watched a movie in way to long, I'm not sure if he is still making movies, but I am going to assume he is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only is he making a TV show right now that seems to have favorable reviews (Wayward Pines), he's also releasing a horror movie later this year. It's nice to know that America is a glutton for punishment. Then again, Michael Bay's been making terrible movies for over 20 years now, so we might just have to put up with Shyamalan forever.

      Delete
    2. I don't have cable and after fighting with dish for 2 years I gave up on current tv, so that explains why I have no clue what is going on.

      Delete
  4. Brianna and Brendalina... No kidding. Won't tell you I like the sound of that haha.

    'The level of funny isn't dictated by what you've got between your legs.' - A Beer for the Shower

    I like the sound of that. I'll tell my wife. What! You enjoy M. Night Shyamalan movies? Shockerrrr! No, really.

    What! You don't like pretentious bullshit? Good. One point extra! But seriously, I've been reading your posts for years now and I agree with Alex that you two rock. I could use more pretentious words like 'utterly praiseworthy with a twist of homorous perfection,' but I know that would make you barf, so let's not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too late, I already vomited. Not from the pretentious compliment, from the unbearable period cramps. Why are we still women? Who will turn us back? Are we trapped like this forever?

      Delete
  5. I'm a big fan of Statham movies. I like any of those action movies that are over-the-top outrageous. If you're going to make an action movie, cut the bullshit love stories and family problems; I want to see two guys sword-fighting atop a traveling nuclear warhead.

    Also, I've only seen a few M Night Shamalalamanam movies (Unbreakable, The Village, Sixth Sense). I've enjoyed most of the ones I've seen, but I hear a lot of them are terrible.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think Shyamallama is as bad as everyone makes him out to be, but his movies did get a steady drop in quality after Sixth Sense.

      Also, yes, that's the exact reason why I love those movies. What some call stupid I call imaginative. Don't tell me that two guys sword-fighting atop a traveling nuclear warhead is anything short of creative.

      Delete
  6. What a shitty boss! May he will lose his millions in a nice stock market crash.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He got bought out and booted out of his own company and is currently retired, so I can only hope and pray he squandered it all. Knowing how miserly he is, though... he's probably eating ramen noodles and cat food right now. Which I suppose is also a victory.

      Delete
  7. I really relate with your female selves better than your male selves. Plus, Brendalina is kind of hot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If only someone had told us about the magic of sex appeal, we would have become women much sooner. Brenda gets so many free drinks. Brandon, meanwhile, gets none.

      Delete
  8. M.Night Shyamalamdingdong is the Debbil -repent, you heathen! And shouldn't that be "A Whine for the John"?
    Jason? Won't diss that choice.... how about Mr. Reboot reboots The Village - starring Jason. Oh wait, too original. =P

    After having said all that; thank you for your kind words, they are very much appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jason Statham just proves that violence solves everything. Even The Village. I think that movie bombed only because of a severe lack of kickpunching.

      Delete
  9. "Water activities"? Who the hell cares about those? What about "water sports"? *wink*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You mean like water polo? That's kind of fun, but the last time we tried that our horses drowned. :(

      Delete
  10. Oh I hope keyboard cat isn't actually dead. I get how you feel about creative people. Some of them can be kinda dickish. Not to mention it would be kind of boring for everyone to be creative. It ruins the fun of things anyway for you to not be amazed at a world someone else has created. Even as a creative person I still find myself loving worlds I find myself in, even if I do occasionally think "I don't think I'd have done it like that." But what do I know? I'm not the original creator. There are two things I look forward to as a writer; the day I offend someone with something non-offensive and meaningless, and the day someone tells me that I, the creator, wrote my story wrong. On both occasions I will deliver a very plain "Fuck you."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Keyboard Cat is beyond dead, my friend. That cat passed away almost 30 years ago. That video was actually made in the 80s, mind you, so even if he was still around today Keyboard Cat would be older than both of us.

      And everyone is entitled to their own opinions of how a story should unfold... but the day someone tells us something we wrote is "wrong" is the day you read about the beer boys going to jail for stabbing someone with a number two pencil.

      Delete
  11. And another grand slam post by B & B! Awesome answers. Love the "bewbs". Reminds me of me! Haha. You guys are class all the way!

    P.S. Love that you paid tribute to "The King"!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We may not be the king of blues, but at least we can be the queen of bewbs. Thanks!

      Delete
  12. Can I say you guys make better looking women than Bruce Jenner? I know that's gonna piss some folks off 'cause I ain't PC but it's true. Anywho, both that mean teacher and the cheap CEO need a kick in the ass.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dishonorable mention: The CEO was also terrible because he belonged to the same gym as me, and would always talk to me in the locker room while he was butt naked. So even my free time was mired by his terribleness.

      And we're better women than Bruce Jenner on the inside and the out. After all, he killed someone, and people just kinda forgot about that. How's THAT for PC?

      Delete
  13. You guys would work well as women. And it's almost freaky out how easily "A Beer for The Shower" translates into "A Wine for the John."

    Hey, I've been meaning to ask you how Gemma is doing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God we're authors and no one cares what gender we are, how old we are, what we look like, etc.

      Gemma is great. She's gotten a little bigger, she still gets into everything, and is incredibly clever. She figured out how to open doors and can climb bookshelves. She's also taken a shine to the other cat and follows her everywhere like her shadow and always tries to sleep next to her, even if there's no room.

      http://i.imgur.com/Ysa3fC0.jpg

      Delete
    2. hahaha the other cat does not seem to be the happiest camper

      Delete
    3. Big sister is definitely not a big fan of little sister's affinity for using her as a pillow. Or butt rest.

      http://i.imgur.com/5x2R7ik.jpg

      Delete
    4. Hey, thanks for the pic. Gemma isn't so much laying by her big sister as she is sitting on her. Oh that's priceless. Opening doors, oh God. Just try to remember to lock the door when you go to the bathroom!

      Delete
    5. that pic is adorable, the other cat does look a bit grumpy...she needs a little space.

      Delete
    6. Anne - I always do. I also put chairs in front of the doors of rooms she's not allowed in. Like closets.

      Truedessa - The big one has resting bitch face. She always looks annoyed. Truth be told, though, she actually took quite a shine to the little one. :)

      Delete
  14. Can't swim? Geez, maybe you need to embrace that inner woman and use those breasts that can't fit in the dress to float?

    Accounting is hard? Umm errr, I'll dispute that one. Nothing hard about plugging numbers into a program and hitting enter. I've had a harder job cleaning the litterbox than doing that.

    Nothing wrong with Statham movies, except that one with Lopez, that movie was horrible. And those transporter movies, those things are so one dimensional Shyamalan couldn`t screw them up, unless he tried to transport things to The Village.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think having boobs would actually help. Part of the sinking problem is a lack of body fat. Not that I'm complaining.

      And Jennifer Lopez can ruin anything. Then again, she thinks The Iliad is something you can find as a first edition copy, so what do you expect?

      Delete
  15. Hi Ladies, er, Gentlemen Ladies... argg. I intend to meditate on this post for two weeks. Not to worry, I'm only leaving one comment. But you've inspired a part of me... yes, I'm a woman, that needs this advice, and pondering of bath tubs filled with wine and song. Oh joy!

    'Wine for the John,' is perfection! I hope you'll consider doing more...like little drinks with umbrellas?
    I don't swim, but my brother at the lake drives me crazy. My own water activity is sitting lakeside, and watching them all fight with colorful foam noodles. So exciting. Last summer I donated three different colored noodles.

    How about that box lunch birthday surprise?!! Ha! And I adore the "Creativity Court Room." Love the hair styles too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If anyone can rock a mullet, we can. Or at least I think that's what we're sporting. I'm not so good with the women's hair fashion.

      I love a good foam noodle fight, so long as that fight is on land. I think drowning while getting beaten by a foam noodle is not only the dumbest way to die, it's also the least masculine.

      Delete
  16. A wine for the John should be run by your wives. It works so perfectly

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They both enjoy wine and spend ample amounts of time in the bathroom so we might just have to do that.

      Delete
  17. You guys as women, now there's some interesting idea, and will make for a great cartoon series. Horrible bosses are the worst, but I am lucky in that my previous bosses were actually not that bad. And great choice of song, BB King was a legend!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Our current bosses are assholes. My boss always shows up to work in his underwear, and my cohort's boss makes him work weekends.

      Oh, did I mention we work for ourselves?

      Delete
  18. Turn your blog over to two big bossomed dudettes, and it's even more entertaining than ever. They put so much care into every bit of this long but not at all boring post. It must have been hard to do, while bathing and with their boobs blocking the computer screen. I hate that.

    This was highly impressive and fun, as always. I recently saw a 9+ minute vlog rant about all the authors who say "What I have to say is important, so buy my book, and how they're wasting everyone's time on their narcissism." Really, lady? Nine minutes of this crap? Do you not see the irony? If only all vloggers and people in general could be like Bryanna and Brendalina.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, I put the end quotation mark at the wrong place. My bosoms blocked my view of the screen. Excuse me for that.

      Delete
    2. It's okay, I can't see half of what I'm typing right now with these huge boobs. We dropped the female personas but kept the boobs. They're a lot of fun. And I mean, no sense in wasting perfectly good bosoms.

      Now, you know what's not fun? Vlog rants. If you can find a clever way to talk about something and argue your case or bring awareness to a situation, I'm all for it, but dear Youtube: no one wants to watch you bitch into your camera for 10 minutes straight. If I wanted to see that, I'd just record my parents trying to figure out how to use a webcam.

      Delete
  19. My only critique of this blog post (because I'm one of those "creative sorts" that must find fault with every written word) is that women are more likely to sit around and bitch about their husbands/boyfriends than their boobs/period. Just sayin'. And THAT, boys, would've been hilarious... you know, since YOU are the husbands. Moving on...

    Seriously, another very funny post. I wouldn't change ANYTHING.

    I nearly hurt myself laughing at Bryan pressing the button. I wouldn't want to have the power to hurt people or send them swimming with the sharks, but I would love a Mute button. Although, I'd likely go a bit crazy with it, using it every time I left the house. And then where would I get ideas for stories???

    I once posted a Vlog on my blog. Worst idea ever.

    Now that I've seen your female side(s), I feel like I really know you. Woman to woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn. Maybe next time we'll bring our wives into this. I mean husbands. Our wives as husbands. See? Our small male brains are not well equipped for this.

      You know, I wish I had a button that would send people through the floor. Not to sharks, mind you, but just a very long drop that led to a soft, padded fall. The scare of falling and getting them away from me is the ultimate reward. No need to kill anyone.

      Delete
    2. The beauty of this entire post is that you can bring back Brianna and Brandelina (oh heck, whatever there are names are...) anytime. And do anything. Your small male brains can take a crack at this over and over and over again. Why? Because it's hilarious.

      Delete
  20. FOR SHAME Brandon!! I never would have suspected you were a fan of M. Night Shyamamamamamamalan. At least Jason Statham is nice to look at.

    Can the next episode with Brenda and Bryanna feature special guest Mr. Mich?



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, in all fairness, I'm not watching Jason Statham because I'm admiring his abs or that fuzzy peach that he calls a head.

      Your transgender persona is more than welcome on our blog any time. Your regular persona too, I guess, but Mr. Mich sounds especially fun.

      Delete
    2. I suppose we all have our embarrassing films and TV shows. I have been known to watch Roseanne marathons for up to 18 hours at a time.

      Delete
  21. Ah, this is hysterical; especially the bit about Bryan being followed by a trail of crumb. I am personally known as the woman who is constantly wearing a discreet stream of tea on the front of her shirt. I am glad to know I'm not the only slack-jawed gaper out there !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! High five for being messy eaters/drinkers that wear their daily refreshments like a bib!

      Delete
  22. >>... I drop crumbs like Michael J. Fox drops quarters at a car wash.

    If that's alluding to what I THINK it may be alluding to... I laughed... quite guiltily.

    Emma Watson: "Oh, I had such a pain last night."

    Ellie Walker: "Didn't that 30 milligram placebo I gave you help at all?"

    Emma: "Yes, it helped, but not as much as this Sauvignon Blanc is helping. Could you reach over and flush the toilet for me? My arms are too short to box with Aunt Bee's 'Leg Of Lamb' from last night".

    Ellie: "Sure. Say, did you hear Gomer joined the Marines?"

    Emma: "Don't ask, don't tell, eh?"

    Hmmm... Maybe ANY show could flip-flop genders and succeed in a bathroom with plenty o' booze.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    POSTSCRIPT:
    Your 'Burger Queen's Sitting In Judgment' panels made me think of 'Heaven Can Wait'. Well played, Beer Boys!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always glad when our lowbrow humor can make you think of something a little more highbrow. Especially after a nice, guilty laugh (and yes it's what you think). Just don't tell me which one of us would be Ellie Walker and which one would be Emma Watson. I don't think the recipient of Emma would be all that flattered (at least in the looks department).

      Delete
  23. Less questions. More "A Wine for the John". I really enjoyed that version of yourselves. It really brings out the perv in all of us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn. Maybe we were wrong, then. Maybe to answer Jeff's question we WOULD be funnier as women. And better looking. I see no downside here.

      Delete
  24. What's wrong with women talking in the john, with a little libation? Women can talk anywhere, anytime about anything or nothing. . . even cross-dressing gender skins doesn't cause silence. And I do agree if all people were creative, then no one would be, that's heavy philosophy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, that's the kind of deep philosophy you get from bathroom thinking. I usually get blog ideas and jokes while showering, but a glass of wine in the tub works too. And it's true, women can talk anywhere. Men, on the other hand, not so much. If a man starts talking in a public bathroom, we just assume he's having a stroke and should call an ambulance for him, as there's no other good reason for him to open his mouth.

      Delete
  25. Nice. Very nicely done. I could hang out with Bryana and Brenda. I'm pretty sure they'd get me. I'm not sure if my favorite part of these cartoons was the fact that those ladies were wearing "Burger King" crowns, or seeing Bryan's feminine alter ego poking at that last guy with a broom to get him to go through the trap door of doom.

    And just for the record, I think everyone should have the option of pushing a button to open up a trap door leading to a shark tank. How about angry pit bulls and stressed out cats? Or maybe victims just get dropped into a chair and forced to listen to "Achy Breaky Heart" over and over again...I may be going too far with that one, though...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh God no! Please, no Billy Ray Cyrus. Just feed me to angry pit bulls. At least after a few minutes you just die. With that song, you still have the memory of it for years to come. Even just your mention of it made me remember the melody, and now I want to shave my ears off with a potato peeler.

      Delete
    2. Well, allow me to mention a different song: "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts (deedle dee dee dee) there they are a-standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head..."

      Did that help? Or did you already bring out the potato peeler?

      Delete
  26. Hey I know that gas mask guy in the last cartoon. Speaks a lot of fancy words explaining them along the way. Friends call him Charles the 1st or so I discovered at a party. Can you mail me a fob for the hole in the floor, I really need one of those! LOL.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, the beard: nature's gas mask. If only it worked for all forms of gas.

      Delete
  27. "all the mundane folk (...) with boring (...) IT jobs?"
    Hold the fucking presses. I just sneezed. Someone's talking smack about my people. IT isn't just "management using computers" or whatever. We're the unsung heroes who make the modern-day world tick. Better recognize!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easy, my friend. She meant no harm. Even as a former IT guy (it never leaves your system, no matter how long it's been) I wasn't offended. They don't understand what we do. I mean, literally. I don't know how many times a person's machine just wasn't plugged in, or they referred to the monitor as "the computer." In which case their computer was fine, but the monitor went out. And that explanation made zero sense to them.

      It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

      Delete
  28. You two do not make very good looking women...just saying. Since I am a Credit Counsellor I can relate to your job. This is why we need some creative outlet and talking about carnage or intestines pouring out is one way. I have met too many superior in their own mind artsy fartsy idiots. They usually wear all back except the man always has an off white scarf flung around his vegan neck. These are the same people who think that beautiful blotch of coloured crap is great until they learn a chimp painted it. I don't picture them going through a trap door, I picture my hand bitch slapping their face clean off

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish we could make that into a button. Where if we pressed it, you appeared and bitch slapped their face clean off. Speaking of which, I know we're pretty ugly women, so maybe you can use your powers for good and slap a pretty face ONTO us?

      Delete
    2. No matter how much slapping, there is no way I could put a pretty girlie face on you:)

      Delete
  29. Your commentary on women was funny!

    My husband and kids leave almost empty and even completely empty cartons and boxes in the cupboards and refrigerator. It drives me crazy, because I never know about what we don't have when I go shopping.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that the worst? Nothing is quite a punch in the gut like thinking you're about to eat something you really want, grabbing it from the fridge/pantry, and then finding out your spouse already ate it all and just left its carcass for you to clean up. Womp womp!

      Delete
  30. So now we know that Bryan has great density.

    And, Brandon, my respect for you has dropped at least a notch because of that Shyamalan thing. Unless you have some other definition of "enjoy."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Schadenfreude is technically a source of enjoyment.

      Delete
    2. Okay, that's true. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, then.

      Delete
    3. I adore the word schadenfreude, along with zeitgeist. I've probably mentioned this love before, and I'm sure I'll bring it up again.

      Delete
  31. It took me a number of years after leaving school to realise that teachers were people too. I actually met and socialised with one. Yes, you definitely should learn to swim. My hubby used to teach people to swim but he's beyond that now. Age you know. He used to teach scuba diving which is how he met me. Now I really enjoy a glass of wine, but not in the john, maybe in the bath.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brandon's wife is a teacher. I'll have to ask her next time I see her if she's a person.

      No, just kidding. All of my teachers growing up were good ones, so I always knew they were people. Except my swim teachers... those guys were pretty awful. The very first time they had me do an exercise they didn't show me how to do it properly and I almost drowned. No wonder I hate the water.

      Delete
  32. I haven't finished reading the post, but I felt compelled to comment re: Brandon's shout out to Stanley Martin Lieber.

    It has been several decades since I was a comic book reader, but I felt that his tenure with Marvel during the 60's and 70's yielded some pretty creative stuff.

    I still have a beat up copy somewhere of "Origins Of Marvel Comics," and remember he spoke of putting real human qualities in his characters (as opposed to DC only seeming to have weaknesses over colors).

    It worked.

    He is a creative genius (who apparently drank from the same fountain as Dick Clark because he seems to still be going strong at 92).

    Larry

    PS-re: Bryan's shout of to M. Shalamadingdong....I have never believed anyone who says they figured out The Sixth Sense before the end. I'm usually pretty good at that stuff, and that one had my jaw hitting the floor, and thanfully my living room was carpeted (saw it for the first time on video).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great comment! And yes, whatever Stan Lee is drinking, we'll each have some of that. I hope I'm as spry and aware and not drooling all over myself when I'm his age.

      PS: It's true, I don't know anyone who saw that coming either. And as someone who's not a huge Shawarmallama fan, I almost wonder if it's not that his more recent movies are terrible, just that they never lived up to the masterpiece that was The Sixth Sense. That's a pretty damn tough act to follow.

      Delete
  33. B&B (either sex):
    You two NEVER fail to get me laughing so damn hard...as well as moving any liquids AWAY from the keyboards. There is NO way in hell of TRYING to drink ANYTHING while reading one of your posts!
    Brandon admires STAN LEE...we are in goof company then.
    Brian admires M. Night Shyamalan - (what a twist)
    Your feminine take on things is perfect...sounds JUST like what I hear from the Missus.

    When it comes to crumbs, empty bottle and such I have only ONE question:
    "Who the hell comes in at night and puts all the damn DUST around the house?"
    Cripes, this never goes away, but at least there are never any dirty dishes to worry about...heh.
    I wish to God they'd switch to GOLD dust...now THAT would be much netter received.
    Another wonderfully humorous (and "truthy") post.

    Stay safe out there, guys (or gals...your choice)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I admire Stan Lee too but I hate copying answers so I changed it last minute. Instantly regret it.

      And hey, you just gave me a brilliant idea. I just need to invest in a really good duster. Then the wife will never know about my crumbs... because they'll be brushed off mindlessly into the carpet, where God intended them.

      Delete
  34. Lol! I've had a few bosses that such a pithy comment fits just fine and yes I have used it. I have a kid who does the whole leave 4 swallows in the milk carton, box of cereal, or whatever. Hubs? When he gets home you can follow the trail of "things" he drops...briefcase here, jacket there, lunch cooler over there, belt on the couch, etc, all the while he's telling me about his day and munching a snack.
    Whether you use female or male comics, the funny messages are there. :-)

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least our wives only have to deal with one of those traits. You have to deal with both? You poor soul. That 4 swallows of milk doesn't have crumbs in it, does it? Because that would just be the worst.

      Delete
  35. I hear this from my wife all the time "don't leave crumbs on the floor/bed".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear this from mine: "You eat in the bed, and I will shank you in your sleep."

      She says it with love, though.

      Delete
  36. Loves you guys as women. AND, I really love the idea of 'wine in the john'. As a matter of fact, I may just grab a bottle and head on in to fill up the tub. No one to talk to, but that's OK, I don't really like or trust other women.

    The second concept here that I love, Love, LOVE is that courtroom with the trap door. Man oh man, could I have used one of those this weekend. The idea of sending people falling through the floor, especially some people, gives me a giddy pleasure.

    Funny stuff,I hope you guys bring the girls back often.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, the trap door would be easy enough to install. The hardest part would be making sure they stand on the exact spot. Nothing's more awkward than pressing the button, having the trap door give out right beside your victim, and then that uncomfortable silence that follows as they realize you were just about to execute them.

      Delete
    2. I guess that's when you yell AWKWARD! and run, right?

      Delete
    3. Or "Abandon ship! Abandon ship!" Then it's suggested that you set fire to your home and move to another state under a new identity, as you can definitely never return here.

      Delete
  37. Replies
    1. If you were a man I'd be insulted, but as a fellow female (for the day) I'm flattered!

      Delete
  38. Your female selves have a lot of potential! I feel it was misused in this post though, surely I could think of a more creative way to be a woman than you two married individuals can.

    Also, there's only love for Jason Statham's silly action movies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, we like to keep things rated R around here, so we kept all boob fondling and fingerbanging to an absolute minimum. Rest assured, though, there would probably be a lot of self exploration. And "what the hell is that?"s. And also a lot of ridiculous Jason Statham action movies. Just be-fucking-cause. After all, the love of Statham and his physics/logic defying antics knows no gender.

      Delete
  39. Girls, girls; how funny you are in the John. Loved that concept. Bryan, at least your wife has an easy time finding you. Brandon: so eloquent. Sometimes simplicity is the answer.

    You two are too cool for minions; let Patterson keep the those boobs :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't mind minions, but only if we could hire them to track down James Patterson and beat him with every terrible book he (or his ghostwriters) have ever shat out.

      Delete
  40. Huzzah, you featured my question! I like bad movies too. Coughcoughi-maybe-hate-watched-twilight-coughcough. Ah-maybe-hate-is-too-strong-a-word-choo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's big of you to admit that, and we won't judge, seeing as how I just watched a movie about a man who jump starts his own heart with a car battery via his nipple... and liked it.

      Delete
  41. DAMNIT! I didn't get to hear the knock-knock Joke!

    So which one of you is Tom Hanks and which one is Peter Scolari?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The knock knock joke was terrible. Definitely not worth hearing.

      "Knock knock!"
      Who's there?
      "Peter Scolari."
      Holy shit, Peter Scolari, where the hell have you been? Tom Hanks is an A-list movie star and yet most people don't even know who you are anymore.
      "I'd just rather not talk about it."

      See? Told you it was a terrible knock knock joke.

      Delete
    2. Peter Scolari plays Lena Dunham's dad on "Girls," and his character is not interested in "snacking" on Brian Williams' daughter's buttocks. I'm still laughing from your great line from a few months ago!

      Julie

      Delete
    3. I'm glad that we can turn the term 'butt-snackin' into a regular thing around here. And that Peter Scolari is still doing his best to stay relevant, while not having to pig out at the back door.

      Delete
    4. Hahaha! His character still likes "back doors," but in a different way!

      Julie

      Delete
  42. Well clearly the blog isn't as funny when it's run by women, am I right fellas?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This guy gets it! Creating links, that is. When the angry mob of women comes for you, and it will, just overpower them with your superior male intellect and strength.

      Delete
  43. Must be a guy thing because my hubby is always putting almost empty boxes back in the freezer and cabinet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And yet in my household, it's my wife who constantly does that. And me who gets annoyed at her. Twilight Zone, anyone?

      ~Bryan

      Delete
  44. Eyyyy gurl lemme get yo numbas!

    I had to, I'm not even sorry.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Ah, I love the "fuck you" to the English teacher. I had a high school English teacher who was so fucking nasty to me that . . . I'll spare you the details. You two are super cute as girls. I'd love to hang out with you. We can give each other pedicures after we pretend to be lingerie models. I don't know if I ever asked you a question, and the list of questions is too long for me to look through it (real meaning: I am lazy). I don't know if I'm allowed to ask a question now, but I'm asking anyway: The two of you have indicated you like me. Why? What in the hell is wrong with you? (Yes, I'm fishing for compliments. I am a boring old lady who needs some lovin'.) I enjoyed this post, and all your snappy answers.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We like you so much that we'll not only take your question (mind you, we stopped accepting them 2 months ago), but we'll answer it next time we do an answers post just because we like you so much. How's that for a compliment?

      Delete
    2. I feel good. I knew that I would. So nice. So nice. I've got you.

      Delete
    3. Whoa! I feel nice... like sugar and spice.

      Delete
  46. But if you can't swim, how will you ever survive when the ocean floods back to the Rockies? I jest, but I once had a nightmare about a tsunami coming over the Rockies. Know why? I have an irrational fear of tsunamis. They're just so sudden and without warning (unless you happen to be staring at the ocean when it sucks out). Yet here I live, in land-locked Colorado. Given, I have family in Oregon, and they have tsunami zone warning signs all over the place along the coast. Not cool.

    I would second that fuck you to the teacher. Psht.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dammit Shannon, I'm already deathly afraid of the supervolcano in Yellowstone that could kill us all at any given moment. I don't have room in my life to worry about tsunamis, too.

      Delete
  47. I had to come back and read this again as I didn't have much time to leave a comment earlier. I may have drifted into some other time slot..lol..I have to say I like the new names they are fitting. So all this talk of swimming made me think of something I did in high school. In gym we had to take swimming..not many girls liked it either they couldn't swim or it would take too long to get ready for the next class. I mean they only gave us like 10 minutes to change..comb our hair put on makeup..etc..lol...and no one wanted to swim first period. Anyway, I had a friend in my gym class who couldn't swim and she begged me to say I couldn't swim so she would have someone to be with so me being me agreed and thought this will be easy. So, here I am swimming 101 learning to bob up and down in the water..etc..I found it rather funny..the gym teacher was very serious about everything. He was always giving me a hard time and I just wanted to say look I can swim across this damn pool and back, but I didn't. To make a long story short at the end of the session we had to take a test and he made some remark about me so I took off and swam the length of the pool and back..breast stroke, side stroke, back float, trended water..the class was laughing and he was some mad at me and told me he was writing my name down and next year I would have to go into the advanced group..okay..I said do you want me to dive from the board next year?

    PS - I learned to swim as someone thought it would be funny to throw me off a dock..well it was either swim or drown..then I realized I could float and had no fear of the water after that..who does that really throw someone in water when they are screaming they cannot swim???? Anyway, after that I took swimming lessons with a summer camp. I hope you learn to swim it really opens a door to another world.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope I learn to swim too, and not by way of being thrown off a dock.

      That's a fantastic story, and you know what? I'm envious. They didn't have beginners swim lessons in high school. Or any, for that matter. I might have sucked up my pride and taken one. All of our swimming activities were extracurricular (like Brandon being on the swim team). And our gym classes were simply running or playing football or doing push ups. I can run. I can throw a ball. I can do push ups. And yet none of those will help me if I ever take a cruise, and the ship goes all Titanic, and I get stranded out in the middle of the ocean. Get your shit together, high school.

      Delete
    2. Well, it is never too late to learn..why not try? I know it is harder when you are older because i think pride stands in the way. Once I learned to swim it opened up new doors, but I agree throwing someone off a dock is not the way..I had a panic attack as I did the doggie paddle back to the dock.

      Oh and that teacher was not too happy with me the next year he called me by my last name the whole time and I was the first one he called on the list he made sure I wasn't going to play that card again. The things you will do for a friend and she did learn to swim and thanked me for taking the heat from the teacher. So, at the end of day it wasn't so bad.

      Funny how this story came to surface..I hadn't thought about this in some time.

      Delete
    3. Teddy Roosevelt threw his niece Eleanor into the water to force her to learn how to swim. It took her many years to recover from it, but I think she used the pool at the house Franklin had built for her in Hyde Park.

      Delete
  48. It's sad to me some people seriously think women can't be as funny as men. Thanks for setting that straight! :P
    Microbiology isn't boring D:

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think our friend that asked that question was implying that women aren't as funny as men, BUT we both know it's (for whatever reason) a big stereotype floating around the comedy world, so we wanted to make sure and tackle it anyway. There are some very funny women out there, and life would be damn boring without them.

      Delete
  49. You guys answered all my questions! Yaay! Thank you for that. And judgemental English teachers are the worst. After bitchy math teachers who curse the entire class every morning like some sort of ritual. Theybare closely followed by cheap bosses, especially when he fires your entire department and makes you cover for all of them. That was crazy. And cats are better than people everywhere. Especially on the internet. :) those were some great answers.
    And it was hilarious as usual. I hate it when the fat ones get stuck had me laughing so hard. And you guys definitely don't come across as douchebags. Despite having a very frank, unapologetic,original and uncensored style of writing. That's actually something I really appreciate in your writing. And being a bit of a procrastinator myself, I'm constantly amazed that you guys post such entertaining , thought provoking and funny posts every week. This was awesome. So thanks again for the answers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, bitchy math teachers. I think we repressed all of those from our memories. Now that you mention it, though, I do remember a math teacher that saw me doodling on my notes and made the snide remark that when I was a grown up I wouldn't need to draw cartoons but I would need math.

      Oh, if only that bitch knew how wrong she was. That was the same kind of teacher that always said, "You can't use calculators because when you get older it's not like you'll have one with you at all times."

      And yet here I sit, with my smartphone, and my calculator app...

      Delete
    2. The Hurricane is a mathematician. Watch where you tread.

      Delete
    3. Oh no, this teacher was nasty and snide about math. I assume The Hurricane is not. Also, as a cartoonist, blogger, and full time writer, I assure you I don't ever use all that calculus I learned. :)

      Delete
  50. You guys answered all my questions! Yaay! Thank you for that. And judgemental English teachers are the worst. After bitchy math teachers who curse the entire class every morning like some sort of ritual. Theybare closely followed by cheap bosses, especially when he fires your entire department and makes you cover for all of them. That was crazy. And cats are better than people everywhere. Especially on the internet. :) those were some great answers.
    And it was hilarious as usual. I hate it when the fat ones get stuck had me laughing so hard. And you guys definitely don't come across as douchebags. Despite having a very frank, unapologetic,original and uncensored style of writing. That's actually something I really appreciate in your writing. And being a bit of a procrastinator myself, I'm constantly amazed that you guys post such entertaining , thought provoking and funny posts every week. This was awesome. So thanks again for the answers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You loved it so much you commented twice. That's true dedication. Really, though, we were glad to answer them, and we promised high quality answers, so... we hope we met that and them some. And if not, well, you got to see us with boobs. Which is always worth a chuckle.

      Delete
  51. So funny! I can't believe somebody thinks only men can be funny. And the thrill is gone for us. I think he and Lucille are probably playing for the higher ups this round.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not only are there a ton of funny women, there are millions of unfunny men who think they're funny. And those are just the worst. We always called them the joke killers - aka someone so unfunny they instantly kill any banter with their terrible jokes and turn it into awkward silence.

      Delete
  52. Love Wine For The John which could also be known as Whine For The John! Sorry you had to deal with such a nasty teacher, and a horrible boss. You really should send them some of your books, so they'll realize how wrong they were. You make Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon look like amateurs!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Not just for the compliment, but for making that duo Jack Lemmon and Tony Curtis, not Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau, amirite?

      Delete
    2. You're probably too young to have seen "Some Like It Hot" where Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon disguise themselves as women, and join an all female jazz band after they witness The St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Marylin Monroe was also great in the movie. In any event, they were a much more dashing duo than "Bosom Buddies."

      Julie

      Delete
    3. Oh no, I'm very familiar. Fantastic movie. And like I said, I'm just glad the comparison wasn't just us being grumpy old men. :)

      Delete
  53. Great questions and answers. I was curious how you'd answer the one if you were women would you still be funny, as if women aren't funny. Bastid!

    At one time, I had a crush on Jason Statham. I'm a fickle when it comes to crushing. They don't seem to last long.

    Bryan, your IT boss sounds horrible. Good thing you're out of there. Leaving my IT job was the best decision I ever made.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. IT is the worst, isn't it? I love working on computers. I just hated the people.

      Yes, this it taking me 2 hours. I can't just wave a wand and make it magically better. No, I don't know what the problem is right off the bat. I have to troubleshoot it. And yes, I fixed your computer 2 years ago, but that doesn't mean that the issue you have now is directly my fault.

      Delete
    2. I liked computers too. Some of the people were sad. I don't know how some woke and made it to work.

      True story. One of my ex-colleagues was sitting at her desk. She called me because she was having computer issues. I went to her desk, stood behind her and told her to go to "My Computer". She got up and started walking away. I asked her where she was going and she said, "To your computer." After laughing my ass off, I so sarcastically explained that I was referring to the icon - My Computer. And these people had college degrees. YIKES!!!!

      Delete
  54. Hahahaha great answers guys. Brandon's embarrassing love for M Night Shayamalan movies made me laugh out loud. :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! We love making people laugh, even if it's at our expense. Or I guess... especially if it's at our expense.

      Delete
  55. A Wine For the John - love it! How long before someone takes your idea and runs with it, like they did with ABFTS?

    I'm not a big M. Night Shyamalan fan but just can't seem to stop myself from watching his stuff. I keep hoping it'll be as good as Sixth Sense but it never is. I'm even giving Wayward Pines a try.

    Not that you asked, but my guilty pleasure = reality television. The more drama, the better. It reminds me how nice life is without all that crap swirling around it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just can't bring myself to watch Toilet TV, aka all of that swirling crap. I'm glad it reminds you that things could be worse. All it does is remind me how bad things really are. After all, we can laugh at Honey Boo Boo all we want, but that family of morbidly obese human garbage already made more money from their stupid show than most of us will make in a lifetime.

      Delete
  56. Funny is funny, no matter what the sex of the one delivering it. However, amazingly enough, I have discovered that not all females appreciate the finer points of bathroom humor and fart jokes. Go figure.

    One of the good things about being older is we have no "guilty" pleasures. We just do our own thing and enjoy whatever the hell we wanta enjoy. Not that we'd EVER play the "age card"... (Well, hardly ever...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Both of our women appreciate good bathroom humor. That's why they're keepers. Well, among other reasons.

      Also, I can't wait until we're old enough to just be able to do whatever we want without repercussions. If we do that now, we're brash and arrogant. If we do that when we're old, well, that's just grandpa being funny again. And you had better play that age card! I hear you can get some great discounts that way. ;)

      Delete
  57. I hate to disappoint you, but I never talk about periods or boobs with my female friends - but I'd still love to read a chick version of this!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then what the hell do women talk about? Or do they just yell over each other angrily while snapping their fingers? (Everything I know about women I got from watching The View)

      Delete
  58. So guys... you're sick.
    Not because you imagine yourselves as women with big boobs and focus on their female insides (big shocker that you would fixate inside the female body)
    Not because you like Stan Lee (Rock on!)
    Not because you imagine yourselves as girls who think Jason Statham would be good in a M. Night Shyamalan movie (OK, maybe that one)
    Not because of crumbs or open bottles
    Or even the repeated entry about female insides (if you were females we know you would love unwrapping your box)

    But because you have a mind like George R.R. Martin.
    Thrown Through Game of Thrones Moon Door
    "I want to see the bad man fly!" Through the Moon Door










    the psychology behind all this is very interesting. You make good girls I'd like to explore a few of the patterns I see emerging in this post.
    Large breasts became a theme early on.
    There is a lot of discussion about the inside of women.... just sayin'
    .... and ok, art can imitate life. Women's insides can be a buzz kill that requires some
    Love Stan Lee!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Damn, how did you know that we're old perverts like George R.R. Martin? Stay tuned for next week, when we marry off a 13 year old girl to an adult barbarian, chop a man's wiener off, and of course, all scenes will take place in a brothel for absolutely no reason. We could be talking about boats, but for whatever reason women who are just a bit too skinny walk around naked behind us, frequently making out with one another. Because that's what prostitutes do.

      Stay classy, George!

      Delete
    2. Yikes! I was just referring to the trap door. But we can blame Brenda and Bryanna for that because they controlled the button.

      Wow, that is quite a list of perversions for Martin in Game of Thrones but he also wrote and produced for the the popular TV series Beauty and the Beast with Linda Hamilton (the Terminator)... which was a more "cheesy" romance than perverted romance.

      Delete
  59. Well, this turned out to be quite fun!
    You two make great chicks. Not bad looking either although those shoulders are quite broad. LOL
    Shyamalan is a nut job...but a rich one.
    Swimming is for fish.
    Who the hell is Stan Lee? Bruce's father?
    I did a youtube thing once on a beer chug to fight PMS. It was pure manly bullshit but fun.
    I'm not much for being in front of a camera.
    My wife's pet peeve is I want to have sex all the time. Doesn't seem to be a problem to me.

    Great job on the post guys and thanks for answering my question.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love the beer chug to fight PMS. It's like the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge but interesting. And beer related.

      We had a blast answering your question. Just don't ask of sex from us and our broad shoulders and we'll be good.

      Delete
  60. Do only WOMEN bloggers get shark-well booby traps?

    Wait... I get it! BOOBY traps. This post was HOT.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shark-well booby traps, like good boob puns, are of course universal. We don't discriminate around here... well, unless you're stupid. In which case, you definitely get the booby trap.

      Delete
  61. Haha, your answers are priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  62. Leave it to my good buddy Bushman to ask the question that turns this post into chicklit! Go Jeff!

    Love you two as gals! Um… that’ll be white wine for me as I’m prone to spilling red everywhere - just about as bad as that damn monthly bleed, which, thank Gawd, is now history!

    I gave up water sports after swimming face first into a bulkhead. Not the smoothest moment of my life as a fish!

    The offspring loves Shyamalan movies - I’ll pass thanks - too deep and downright confusing! I’m a huge fan of silly Statham movies though, so that evens things out. I just wished I could jump start my heart with a car battery cause mines about to expire… well, so it feels like anyway!

    Thank Gawd I don’t have a wife to peeve. However, my ex might ante up that I’m a tad OCDC… I obsessed about exing him, then complused distractedly, but in the end it wasn’t that complex! Now I’m looking for a wife - figured it might we worth switching teams and playing for the winning side! LOL

    Ditto to boring people! Enough said!

    Daily life? What’s that? Was there a course I missed? I knew I shouldn’t have cut classes back in grade school… damn, that’s why I’m struggling to cope. Well… that explains everything!

    I echo Brandon’s teacher sentiments… I hope my Grade 4 teacher hears the war cry!

    As to bosses… only had one “worst” and I got the last laugh. Mind you, it took two years, after I left, for my curse to work. Ah, the joys of seeing one’s curse in action - a thing of beauty. I gloat just thinking about it.

    - - - -

    This post rocked… mostly cause you did the girly bit really well. I’m thinking you need to start a sister blog - love the title too - and the humour was on the mark. Pray tell, did your lovely wives help? Must have, studly, manly, hard ass dudes just don’t do “chick” all that well. You had to have a good subjects to emulate… just sayin’.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, thanks for the fantastically awesome comment! I don't suppose you want to share that boss story, and how you ended up gloating? Hmm... he got really fat? His wife died? "Ha, someone you love died! I win!"

      No, wait, that's REALLY dark...

      And... umm... yes. Our wives helped us out with this. What you said. We consulted them extensively and certainly did not just write this ourselves. I mean, wouldn't THAT be weird...?

      Delete