Monday, April 6, 2015

We Answer Everything... Kinda!

Last week we asked you to ask us anything. We... instantly regret that. You asked us over 120 questions in less than one week's time, meaning we've really got our work cut out for us. And this will end up being a few posts. But we promised you answers, so here we go. Let's get Part One started (questions are answered at random):

Debra: Which movie stars will portray you in the mega-blockbuster super hit movie Hollywood will make of your blog? Casting suggestions for other blog characters also welcome.

For Brandon, definitely a younger, pre-prison Robert Downey Jr. And let's just say that Bryan's been mistaken for Channing Tatum more times than he can count.*

*Because Bryan can't actually count

Also the part of Bryan's awesome Mexican wife (or Mexiwife, for short) would clearly be played by Salma Hayek... because... uh, she's hot?



Remember, kids, before he was your favorite snarky superhero, Robert Downey Jr. was a heroin addict who was in and out of prison and we all just kinda forgot about it!

Fang (who hit us with a machine gun barrage of questions): All-time favorite beer? All-time favorite beer I can probably get over here in the Netherlands?

We... have no idea what's available over in the Netherlands. I mean, do you guys even have craft beer, or do you just mash grain with rocks in your grass hut and then let it ferment in brown river water?

Kidding, kidding! We assume you want something more than just "Heineken" or "Amstel."

Our favorite beer changes with each passing day and each passing hangover, but if you have any access to any kind of Lagunitas or any kind of Deschutes. they make some pretty damn tasty beers. Lagunitas Sucks is probably one of Bryan's favorite beers of all time, and Deschutes Mirror Pond is a good go-to beer for both of us.

A lot of craft beer snobs (and by that we mean hipsters) will tell you that the only good beer is some hoppy, nasty, bitter beer that tastes like wheat-flavored gasoline. And they grimace painfully through every last sip pretending that it's actually good. Don't be that guy. He's an asshole, and he's only lying to himself.

Fang: aBftS meetup when?

As soon as we get enough people in Colorado who want to meet up with us. Usually those are just called book signings. Or Alcoholics Anonymous. Or an intervention.

Fang: Ever considered going for a more traditional webcomic format (ie actual comic pages instead of images surrounded by text (or even smaller pages surrounded by shorter texts))? If yes, what made you not go that route (aside from the obvious "so much work" argument)?

Actually, that's not more work, we just think it's boring. It's less personal. We both read a ton of web comics, and yet we probably can't tell you a single thing about the majority of their authors. You go read their 3 or 6 panel comic, you chuckle, you leave the page. That's it.

We like being able to mix comics with words, and we like letting people have a sneak peek into our lives. What we do. What we think. And we like interacting with our readers via the comments. Hearing what they think. What they do. We just don't think we'd get that same kind of personal interaction with a straight up web comic.

Besides, we're writers first and cartoonists second. And if people can't be bothered to read the words on our blog, then they're damn well not gonna be bothered to read our books.

Fang: Think you could go a month without body-horror humor in your comics?



Fang: If I ever happen to be near you (wherever that may be), mind if I drop by?

If "near" means "in my back yard" I would probably advise against that unless you're a fan of flying buckshot. But if you're in town, give a shout! In the four years we've been blogging we've never gotten the chance to meet a fellow blogger. We've had a few attempts, but plans fell through. We need to change that.

Maybe people are just terrified of the thought of us turning them into a comic and posting about it.

Fang: Y'all ever tried programming? You should!

Brandon: Yes! I successfully programmed my coffee pot just this morning!
Bryan: Like John Wick, I have internal programming that says that if anyone kicks my dog, it'll unleash my trained assassin skills and lead me on a bloody rampage. Oh, also, I used to program my own video games in high school in a very archaic language called Q-Basic, but the memory space in my brain devoted to that particular skill was replaced with John Wick's kung fu grip and icy stare.

Fang: Which do you prefer, dogs or cats? And why is it dogs?

Brandon: I prefer dogs because if any of my cats were the size of my dogs I know they'd happily devour me.
Bryan: You might think that because of the John Wick answer it's dogs, but you would be wrong. My cats have never once projectile diarrhea'd on me, shat on the carpet, puked and ate it, or rolled around in literal garbage, so the cats pretty much win by default.

Fang: As a hobbyist writer, what is a good place/way to get broad constructive feedback on drafts?

Find a writing group. Meet with them. If they're twats, move along. If they're cool, read their stuff. If their stuff sucks more than yours does, move along. Don't go to a writing group looking to be the all star, because that just means no one will be able to help you improve. Surround yourself with those who are better than you. They'll help you learn, and that beats a cute little pat on the back any day.

Fang: Opinions on the modern short attention span culture? Do/did you take this into consideration when setting up the blog/its posts? Relatedly, have you ever sacrificed quality to reach a wider audience?

Brandon: I think the internet is to blame, as well as the overabundance of shitty television. We know people are gradually getting too lazy to read words. It's why we started adding comics around here in the first place. It just so happens that Bryan happens to be damn good at it. And personally, we think it only adds to the quality. We'd never sacrifice quality for the sake of a wider audience. That's lame.
Bryan: Everything's broken up into fast-paced, bite-sized doses now. Look at this funny picture on Facebook. Now tweet a quick sentence on Twitter. Now watch this funny 1 minute clip on Youtube. Now read this 3 panel web comic. People are conditioning themselves to view entertainment in quick, instant gratification-sized chunks, which is destroying their attention span. I'm guilty of it too, which is why I disconnect the Internet when I write. Otherwise... I watch a whole lotta funny cat videos and write a whole lotta nothing.

Fang: What's something on your bucket list you think I should do too? (Yes, the answer is going on my bucket list.)

Stand up in front of 100+ people and give a presentation on something you're passionate about. Make sure you interact with the audience, and do take questions at the end. And above all, have fun with it. It's not only a great way to break out of your shell and confront the common fear of public speaking, but it can help rekindle your love for your chosen activity and remind you why you're doing it in the first place.

We try to do this at least once a year.

Alex J. Cavanaugh: What type of music do you like? Do you play any instruments? And what's the weirdest concert experience you've ever had?

We like Norwegian synthpop postcore funktronica. No, actually, we like just about anything, minus the watered down pop music you'll hear on the radio (sorry Katy Perry/Taylor Swift/The Biebs) and the very, very hickish flavor of country that's heavy on twang and possibly incest. And while Bryan can play a killer kazoo and Brandon has a knack for making armpit fart noises, neither of us are musically inclined. We'll leave that to the professionals.

Now, the weirdest concert experience...

Bryan: Hands down that was the opening band that didn't make any sense whatsoever. Imagine this: a rail thin guy with beady eyes, long hair, and a wifebeater, playing bongos, standing next to the most hipsterish looking drum player on the planet, clad in a Bob Saget dad sweater and swept-over hipster hairdo. But he's not even the weirdest one, because the keyboard player beside him is at least 60 years old, wearing red overalls and a red cap, and looks like sad, old, fat Super Mario.


And those still aren't even the weirdest members, because the guitar player looks like she's 12, which I pray she isn't because she's only wearing a leather jacket and you can see her underwear. There's also a man on stage, out of shape, hairy, and with a half mullet, wearing full make up. He doesn't actually do anything but 'vogue' on stage while the singer sings. And the singer, who has eyebrows that could put an eye out and is wearing a full body parachute that highlights her sad little triangle boobies, starts practically gargling the microphone as she shrieks. Not sings. Shrieks.


They're a band called Friends, apparently they've since disbanded (thank GOD) and they are without a doubt the weirdest and most awful concert-related experience I've ever had. The audience was dead silent when they performed, and after, I didn't see a single person go by their merch table.

Deb: OK, my question, is whether you ever compromised your humor because you were afraid of offending someone? I only ask because I appreciate how open you guys are and I love your style. Maybe it's because I'm a female but sometimes I think I can't say this or that for fear of crossing the line.

Damn, Deb, we love this question. And you know what? We don't ever hold back. Playing it safe never got anyone anywhere. Now, we don't intentionally set out to offend or be mean-spirited just for the sake of shock value. We just tell it like it is. We poke fun at everyone and everything, even ourselves, and we never try to be dicks about it. Because of that, we feel like most people can see our intentions and are less likely to fly off into a blind rage when we say something particularly offcolor.

Besides, no matter what you say, and no matter how you say it, there are always people who will find a way to get offended. Life's too short trying to chop your work down to please everybody, because the sad truth is that you can't, so you might as well have fun with it and cater to the people who like you for you.

Walking on eggshells is no way to live your life, even online, and we have no apologies for anything we've ever posted, nor will we ever pull a post down. We're proud of our work, we stand by it, and anyone who says otherwise can see the door.

Just like 'Murica doesn't negotiate with terrorists, we don't negotiate with assholes.


Source: from here.

Cheers and stay true to yourself, folks,
Brandon and Bryan

Music: NOT Friends
Beer: Mammoth Brewing IPA 395

129 comments:

  1. You could have turned Fang's Q+A session into an autobiography. Great choice of beers, but I would have expected no less. But damn, it would have made me Budweiser in my Coronas if you would have recommended something like Natural Ice. And Robert Downey Jr. wasn't just a heroin addict, he was the king of heroin addicts. The dude snuck into a stranger's house, high out of his mind and curled up into a child's bed. Imagine coming home and seeing one of the stars of Less Than Zero reenacting his role in your child's bed.
    And well done on the retort to that xenophobic racist (has there ever been a racist who was like, "I hate Mexicans, but I defend to my death their right to seek employment and a better life for their family by emigrating to another country, particularly the U-S-of-A"?).
    I'd respond to more points, but I'm veering dangerously close to Fang territory (I'm kidding, Fang, those were great questions, you'd make an excellent interviewer.).

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    1. I think you should coin the phrase "Budweiser in my Coronas" because that's hilariously fantastic. Speaking of which, most people would probably be okay with it, but I think I'd Budweiser in my Coronas if I woke up and a strung out Robert Downey Jr. was sleeping in my bed.

      Also, yes, Fang asked some awesome, thought provoking questions. He's already a better interviewer than Jimmy Fallon, but I guess that's not saying much, is it?

      Delete
  2. Salma Hayek doesn't need to say a thing.
    Think Cassie might turn on Pat if she were larger then?
    And never heard of the band Friends. Really glad I haven't. I'm almost afraid to ask who they opened for...

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    1. They opened for Two Door Cinema Club, which was especially weird. Show up for an indie rock concert, and start things off with this bizarre avant garde noise band.

      Also, I think Pat is safe. He seems like he's really good to his cats. Meanwhile, mine would make me pay for all of those noogies I've given her...

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    2. She'd probably just eat Orlin and go back to being the only cat

      Delete
  3. Damn, those were some good questions, and you guys answered them way more extensively than my lazy ass would have.

    And, I got a good chuckle out of that Facebook discussion. He accuses you guys of being racist moments before launching into an out-of-the-blue racist tirade. He sounds like one of those people that takes every innocent comment and makes it into a debate revolving around his ill-formed political beliefs.

    Innocent Facebook User: "Finally bought a new car :D!!!"
    Boy Dela Cruz: "Let me guess, you went foreign. I never pegged you as a commie, you treasonous Nazi!"

    Anyway, great answers guys!

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    1. Hey, thanks! We wanted to give everyone the answers they deserve, so if this ends up being a 12 part miniseries then so be it.

      And yes, why do people like that feel the need to attack something fairly innocuous like a comedy blog? "Those damn half-wetbacks are promoting the Mexican lifestyle, and I need to courageously force that post to come down! Doing so will reduce illegal immigration by at least 25%!"

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  4. Totally LOVE your response to the whiney douche bag. Seriously who needs people like that hanging around anyway. Robert Downey Jr is HOTTTTT but I'm actually surprised he was able to pull his act together and be employable again.

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    1. Great, now the bigots that hate Mexicans won't ever come here or buy our books. :(

      Oh wait, they wouldn't anyway since we're proudly part Mexican and doing so would probably somehow support illegal immigration or some such bullshit.

      And hey, we say good for RDJ. He seems genuine about his changes and has really come a long way. Longer than most people ever expected. We just think it's funny that people magically seem to have forgotten all about it. See, Chris Brown? It's possible, but you have to stop being a piece of shit.

      (Chris Brown will not stop being a piece of shit, though. At this point I think it's just who he is)

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    2. I seriously doubt Chris Brown can pull off a week without being a piece of shit.

      Delete
  5. That's almost an entire post devoted to questions I rolled out on an eventless afternoon. I... don't know what to say. Good job?
    The bucket list point's a good one, and something I hope to one day do. Give a talk about something programming related, a presentation about my game, something along those lines. Already pissing my pants thinking about it, but you know what they say these days, "#justdoityouwuss".
    Well, who knows, maybe I'll be doing a road-trip or something sometime in the next few years. Colorado's now on my "must visit" list, so maybe one day the dream will come true. (Don't worry, I'm good at threesomes.)
    (Also QBasic's hella old, almost 25 years now!)

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    1. I know we're probably biased, but Colorado's pretty fucking awesome, and if you ever make it this way we'd be glad to show you around. Skip the touristy BS and hang with us.

      Also, did you just call me hella old? :( Because Q-Basic was the best our high school could afford for its so-called 'programming' class... mainly in that it was free. And it was the only language our 70 year old teacher knew. It's good to stay relevant.

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  6. I like the idea of the nacho sombero in theory. But, you can't tilt your head or you will lose everything, the hat's so hard to clean between nacho sessions...
    I may have to look up Friends.

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    1. If you ever want to listen to something and hate yourself, check out their 'hit single'. It's much more coherent than it was performed live, but you can still hear the lead 'singer's awful shrieking. Apparently that passes for a chorus.

      Friends - Mind Control

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  7. I loved the offended offense bit. You really are a pair of nuts. I think you are right about not worrying what people think. I like both dogs and cats, but you are so right about dogs too. They really can be rather revolting at times.

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    1. Better to be a pair of nuts than a pair of racist pricks, I suppose. :)

      We both have cats and we both have dogs, and I guess they each have their pros and cons. But it's always nice having a cat sit in your lap, knowing that they didn't just roll in trash before rubbing themselves all over you.

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  8. I feel so much closer to you both now that I know the answers to these important questions.

    I lost readers when I made a race reference in one of my blogs last year. I even went back and thought about what i wrote, but ultimately decided there was nothing wrong with it.

    I'm more surprised that people aren't offended by MORE of what I write.

    I'm going to have to try harder.

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    1. I think maybe trying too hard is the problem. We've never been accused of being racist... until we posted about something as simple and stupid as our ethnic backgrounds. I mean, this is a blog that's posted cartoons of us in blackface. That? Not offensive at all. Us eating out of a nacho hat because we're half-Mexican? BURN THEM AT THE STAKE.

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  9. ["Fang: What's something on your bucket list ..." ]

    I really enjoyed your answer to this one. I don't know if I could...

    ["Stand up in front of 100+ people and give a presentation ..."]

    I'd probably pass out, but what an incredible suggestion.
    I'll mull it over.
    And I also loved the story of "The Snake and the Wig."
    Truly brought tears to my eyes.
    Thanks Bryan & Brandon for the creative sensitivity going on here.

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    1. Nothing adds drama and intrigue to a presentation like passing out... especially if your topic is acting. Then you can just tell people you were ACTING nervous. Annnnnd scene!

      I can hardly wait for Hollywood to truly run out of ideas, because once they do, I know they're just going to be BEGGING us to turn The Snake and the Wig into a Hollywood blockbuster.

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  10. I didn't forget that Robert Downey Jr. was a heroin addict. Not because he should pay for it forever, but because everyone acts like he's such a fucking hero for stopping his suicidal behavior. Probably because of being in prison, not because he's a born again cancer-curing superhero.
    I'm glad you chose this format. Your comics are hysterical, I never thought I would see 'balls to the wall' illustrated so thank you, but because I love the WORDS. I do have a short attention span, but I probably read at least 1 out of 4 of the words. The small ones. What were talking about?
    Anyway, one of the best things are the comments, your responses to the comments, and your tags you put at the end. B-the-W, Selma DOES talk like she has a mouth full of churro and Dos Equis.

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    1. Hey, good point. We've been heroin free for 31 years each. Where's our damn parade?

      Thank you for the kind words! And for reading our actual words! We would hope that reading our writing is not like having to pick the oats out of Lucky Charms... the words have marshmallowy goodness too, dammit.

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  11. Thanks, boys! My new favourite phrase is now "ju pizza cheet." I think people don't dwell on RDJ's past because he has done the damn near impossible and got his addiction under control. As they should, everyone respects a success who has wrestled his demons to the ground.

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    1. Yeah, it's actually pretty impressive how he got that under control. I mean, he was REALLY into some deep shit. Good for him, though. We don't hold it against him. We just find it funny that most kids who idolize him as Iron Man now have no idea what he's beaten in real life. And beating heroin addiction seems just a wee bit tougher than ganging up with five other badasses to beat up rail thin Tom Hiddleston.

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  12. Robert Downey Jr.'s "past" was the reason I even heard about him. Then I forgot who he was, and then he was Iron Man

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    1. And now... he's still Iron Man! Also, he's been in some other movies I don't give a shit about like The Judge, but... IRON. MAN.

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  13. Hey, RDJ had the backing of Mel Gibson to help him get back in the spotlight, how could he not get famous again? "surprised he did" Meanwhile Danny Glover was still too old for that shit.

    If you offend some people, so be it. Even the simplest rhymes have gotten me hate mail. When you get hate, you know you are doing something right haha

    Very true, cats never do any of that. But they do give hairballs for us to tramp in in the early morning hours.

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    1. That Danny Glover bit made me laugh out loud. Well done.

      I guess the moral of the story is do drugs and be sorry about it, as it can only help your career. But sorry Mel, 'hating the Jews' goes just a bit too far and I don't think people will be so easy to let you back into the limelight.

      My cats have never coughed up hairballs... knock on wood. They have projectile vomited while in a full sprint, though, which somehow seems worse. Though still not as bad as anything the dogs have done.

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  14. I guess I should go to your previous post & think of a question to ask...
    ...or not.

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    1. Well, we already have 120-something... what's one more, right?

      Delete
  15. Wow that was an actual comment chain? "Hey you guys are racist and now I'm going to be racist to prove myself right!" What a fucking cunt. I'm kinda surprised Deb asked if you guys ever hold back though given all the things you've said about Mexicans and especially because your blog president IS a retarded goat. An actual literal retarded goat.

    I have to say I love that you guys never hold back but, as you say, never actually set out to be offensive. Offense is taken and not given. If something offends you it's actually your fault. I say that as someone who makes jokes about terrible things that have affected me personally. I also love a good fat joke even though I used to weigh in excess of 300 pounds.

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    1. That was an actual comment chain, and just this weekend at that. And I have to say, to that commenter, if you can make yourself come across as more uneducated and more backwards than a literal retarded goat then you're just a special kind of stupid. Even our president is more coherent than you.

      Besides, we're equal opportunity haters. That even includes ourselves. If you can't make fun of yourself, then what's the point?

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    2. I'm just a very self deprecating person due to being British. It's in our blood. We learn sarcasm by making sarcastic jokes about ourselves.

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  16. Salma Hayek really doesn't need to say anything.
    And great Q & As.

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    1. Maybe we need to have her run our blog. It wouldn't matter what the hell she posted, because people would love it anyway.

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  17. B&B:
    ROFL...you guys done good...you done REAL good w/ the Q&A.

    I think the two of you have a great camaraderie, and play off of one another quite well.
    Besides, I often liked comedic "teams".

    Always good to have TWO sets of eyes on life, especially THESE days, hmm?
    (learn TWICE as much in HALF the time, right?)

    Excellent post.
    Keep up the great work &stay safe out there doing it.

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    1. Thanks Bob! We've always considered ourselves "The Laurel and Hardy of Juvenile Body-Horror Comics."

      Also, thanks to Fang for coining that term. I don't know if it was a thing before, but it is now. All hail body-horror.

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  18. I always thought you guys rocked but now I know you are 1000% awesome! I don't know anybody else that would get a 1000% vote from me...well, except for me! hahaha. I'm 1001%! Great post guys and your answers were priceless! If you ever feel the need to be adopted by a Heineken drinking beach bummette, I'd gladly do it!

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    1. Wow, and here we would have settled for 110% awesome. Thanks, Barb! And we'd be glad to hang out and have a Heineken with you any time, but I don't know if we're worth the adoption process. We have a pretty hefty 're-homing' fee, and one of us needs to be declawed. The other one drags his butt on the carpet way too much.

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  19. Great answers, Guys!!

    I love your answer, "... no matter what you say, and no matter how you say it, there are always people who will find a way to get offended... Walking on eggshells is no way to live your life," Especially in today's PC age.

    I am more like Deb says she is. I worry about offending, so occasionally I may just say nothing at all instead of risking.

    Thanks for keepin' real!

    ... and speaking of offended. I don't think you have to answer EVERY question. I won't be offended if you don't answer mine.

    But at least now you have lots of blog material!

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    1. Psssh, that's no fun! We promised to answer all questions, and you'd damn well better believe we're going to. Besides, your 'sex-colored-glasses' question was not only one we really look forward to answering, it's probably an answer you wouldn't expect of us.

      In other words, we're hoping to rebrand ourselves as the drunken Dear Abby of the 21st century.

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  20. Wow. You guys are going to have to make this some kind of year-long response series! You gave us an excellent first round, though. Didn't you mention "Friends" the "band" in a previous post? I'm feeling all Deja-Vu-y...

    As for the movie about you guys, I'm thinking you should just portray yourselves. But the part of the weird guy that called you racists should be played by...SHATNER!!!! But here's the plot twist: You put Shatner into a red shirt and send him on a dangerous mission....

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    1. It sure was, which is why the words "opening band that didn't make any sense whatsoever" actually link back to the old post, which was called exactly that. But it was without a doubt my weirdest concert experience, so I figured it was worth bringing up again. But with updated cartoons.

      Also... SOLD! Are you a Hollywood movie producer? Because that idea is gold. And Shatner can play the asshole, but only if I get the pleasure of killing him myself... with a baseball bat painted to look like a burrito. Movie watchers appreciate violent irony, I think.

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    2. It was definitely worth brining up again. Yech!

      I'm not a producer, but with ideas like that, I totally should be! You can kill the dude with a burrito bat if you want to. Just make sure Brandon is standing by, munching on his chip sombrero while you do. Ole!

      Delete
    3. **bringing, not brining.

      Yeesh!

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    4. I'm pretty sure those weirdos were all pickled, so brining is still an apt term. :)

      Delete
    5. Okay, that got an actual chuckle out of me. Nicely done. :)

      Delete
  21. I always thought I was a dick for not enjoying ass-of-satan bitter beer. It's a shame Friends no longer exists, that would have been a fun live experience.. if you know what to expect.

    I have already offended dozens of people because of my music blog, which I don't think is really supposed to offend anyone since I mostly focus on good bands/artists and what they do have to offer. Once you have a public opinion, any kind of public opinion, you're releasing it in the wild where it's gonna offend someone's sensibilities, and I've learned to just troll the living daylights out of them when it happens.

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    1. It wasn't what I would call a "fun" experience, but it was definitely an experience worth remembering. Maybe the problem was that they were opening, so I wasn't nearly drunk enough to handle such a spectacle.

      And isn't it amazing how people will get butthurt over anything? I genuinely can't imagine anyone getting offended over any of your posts, but then again, I also didn't think that us posting about being part Mexican was racist to white people, so... here we are.

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  22. Your post was great, but when I read the comment " We've been heroin free for 31 years each. Where's our damn parade?" I officially decided that I'll love you forever, ha ha ha. That is my sentiment about a whole lot of things. We seem to celebrate the wrong thing time after time.

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    1. Hey, don't celebrate us yet. We still have long lives ahead of us, and there's a first time for everything. Besides, the way I hear it, heroin's an addiction that just sneaks right up on you. It could even be lurking behind me... RIGHT NOW.

      Delete
  23. I am SO stealing your line "we don't negotiate with assholes" and I am seriously laughing my ass off at the rant with Boy Dela Cruz. Not only did you probably cause that dude to get serious therapy, he probably had to wash the shit stains outta his shorts. Well done guys, well done!!!!!! And thank you for validating my feelings. I'm gonna keep on bein' me, and if people take offense, they don't have to read my posts.

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    1. I'm just surprised he never came back to shoot his mouth off some more. Guess he learned his lesson. And really, "Dela Cruz"? If that's his real name, he must have a lot of self loathing in his life, because that name sure sounds Hispanic to me. It's like that Dave Chapelle skit where he was a black KKK leader.

      And fuck yeah, Deb, you're awesome and we wouldn't want to see you any other way. Keeping being you!

      Delete
  24. Awesome idea for the questions and answers blog post. Loving the interesting questions and of course, the clever answers. I clearly remember when you wrote about that shitty band "Friends" back when you first posted about them, and I got to thinking, I've been reading your blog for a really long ass time!! Almost as long as the new loooong ass kitty at the end of each post. I know more about you two and your opinions on things than I do some of my own family. What does that say about me? Ha. Honestly, at this point I don't think I have to tell you how I feel about you or this blog, you know I love the crap out of the pair of you. There's no going back now.

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    1. Damn, likewise. We probably know more about you and your family than we do about a good chunk of our own. Not that we're complaining, though, as you're good people and we love the crap out of you too. Plus, like you said, you're tainted now. The whole world now knows you're associated with us. No take backsies.

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  25. Hokey-Smoke! 52 comments already! Didn't realize I was this late gettin' here.

    First of all, your answer...

    "Life's too short trying to chop your work down to please everybody, because the sad truth is that you can't, so you might as well have fun with it and cater to the people who like you for you."

    ...made me think of the great Rickie Nelson lyric line from 'GARDEN PARTY':

    But it's all right now, I've learned my lesson well
    You see, you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself


    Here's what Wackypedia says about the background story of this song:

    "Garden Party" is a 1972 hit song for Rick Nelson and the Stone Canyon Band from the album Garden Party. The song tells the story of Nelson being booed off the stage at Madison Square Garden because with long hair and contemporary clothes he did not look like he did in the 1950s, when he was a teen idol, and while he played his old rock 'n' roll songs, he also played his newer, country-tinged music.

    I remembered that blog bit about the weirdo band. I've seen some weird ones too, in my time, but you probably topped me with your... Friends. ...Er, well, you know wotta mean.

    Fun Fact: That photo you used of Lagunitas 'Sucks' is an older one. That's how the label looked when I had my first at The Main Ingredient. (I even saved the bottle so I could sniff it if need be.) Then later they altered it slightly, doing away with the black shaded outline around the bottom of the... red splotch (What is that s'posed to be, anyway - blood?), and they did away with the light reflection. Apparently I sobered up once just long enough to notice the change in details.

    According to images on the Internet though the very first 'Sucks' label had a red Santa Claus Christmas cookie image on it. I was probably still drinking Heileman's Special Export at the time. (Well, no, more likely Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.)

    And 'IPA 395' gets a mention. Woo-Hoo!
    Let's hear it for hops, malt, sage, juniper berries and 8% ABV!

    Gotta run. I've been out of paper towels for 32 hours and I gotta fix that PRONTO! (Don't tell anyone but I'd rather be out of beer than paper towels.)

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Poor Rickie Nelson. People are gonna be crushed, then, when they find out we're two midget teetotalers in a trench coat that take turns standing on each other's shoulders.

      And wow, those are some sharp alcoholic eyes on you! I never would have noticed the difference. At quick glance that looks like the same bottle to me. Not that I think that would ever be a problem for our dear friend Fang.

      "Hmmm, this LOOKS like the beer that the Beer Boys recommended, but this one has no shaded outline on the splotch and no light reflection."

      And you know, I never stopped to think about that weird blood splotch and what it meant. "Lagunitas Sucks - it's so good you'll piss blood!"

      You're gonna need more paper towels, I think...

      Delete
    2. Actually, I AM crushed to learn that about you and Brandon. The midget part doesn't bother me, and neither does the trench coat bit. But... teetotalers? Say it ain't so, Joe!

      >>... And wow, those are some sharp alcoholic eyes on you!

      I got eyes like a bloodshot hawk.

      >>... "Hmmm, this LOOKS like the beer that the Beer Boys recommended, but this one has no shaded outline on the splotch and no light reflection."

      GOL!
      Let's just hope he's not quite as detail-oriented as I am.

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
    3. It's true. We're Mexican liars. "July to me."

      The beer's not going to waste, though. Gemma's really enjoying that IPA 395... MacCATver's more of a Hop Knot fan.

      Delete
    4. I wanna see what MacCATver made out of that can when he was finished with the beer. Does it fly now? Eavesdrop on the NSA? Turn into a gorgeous feline and a roast beef sandwich at midnight? Or all three?

      ~ D-FensDogG

      Delete
  26. Fang had some really interesting question - great answers from you boys too.
    So, not to have singled out Fang or anything, I found all the questions, and answers, intriguing.

    That bit with Boy Dela Cruz cracked me up. People like that really should have their internet access denied, or seriously limited, like maybe a nanosecond at a time. Geez.

    Regarding the question about "do you hold back, etc etc". I'm one to call a spade a spade, that said I do hold the reins in a tad. Not to impress anyone, mostly because if I let loose… man, I'd have to x-rate my blog. Profanity thy name be Jenny. In real life… all bets are off.

    I'm looking forward to learning more about what makes the Beer Boys tick, and talk!

    Jenny, Pearson Report
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport


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    1. I'm pretty sure the only reason Boy never responded back to us is because his Internet time ran up in prison and he had to go back to being the Aryan brotherhood's bottom bitch.

      Also, are we to understand that we could learn some profanity from you? Preach it, Sister Jenny! I constantly have to teach my wife new words of profanity, so it'll be nice to hear something new of my own for a change.

      Delete
    2. You asked… here goes. My dear friend Bruce over at stupid stuff I see and hear is the reigning king of profanity. I credit him for my endless use of "fucktard" which is his version of fucking bastard.

      What I like about Bruce is he's a really smart guy, when he strings his fucks, and fucktards together, in amongst clever prose, I just crack up. It's brilliant writing. That's when, for me, it's at its finest, when I laugh my ass off, and wipe tears away because of it.

      I don’t use profanity over at Pearson Report simply because there’s no need. The stuff I put out there can be equally engaging without it. Should I feel it’s necessary, because that’s how I would actually say it, I’d have no problem writing it.

      I dislike profanity, of all kinds, even ‘shit’ an ‘piss’ if it’s used for shock value. I say this because I used to do stand-up comedy and never needed to rely on denigrating humour, laced with needless profanity, to get a really good laugh.

      That’s when I know it doesn’t work for me - when I cringe reading it or hearing it. Then I know it’s not used with intent, just for effect. It always falls flat, sounds stupid, like the dumb fuck using it.

      So… all in all… I like profanity when used skilfully… that’s right. In the right context it can be brilliant. I can afford your blog the honour of knowing I feel you use it with intent brilliantly.

      And that… my dear Beer Boys, it the best of profanity. Use it but don't abuse it! hehehehe

      PS - I'm sure I've taught you nothing new… to which I say "Damn!" hahahahaha

      Delete
    3. You did teach us something new... you did stand up? That's so cool! I've always wanted to try that out.

      And it's true, swearing just for the sake of swearing is not funny and it doesn't add anything to a blog post, or a joke, or even just a statement. And swearing is indeed a fine art, and even if we haven't quite mastered it, we hope we're getting there.

      "Those boys were the Picasso of swear words." - the eulogy read at our joint funeral*

      *I've just always assumed we'd end up doing something stupid enough that we'd die simultaneously

      Delete
    4. In your honour, over at Pearson Report, I've let loose...

      Delete
  27. Negotiating with assholes only leads to being covered in shit.

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    1. I don't know if you just coined that phrase on your own, but if so, well damn done. That's pretty awesome.

      Delete
  28. Oh my question wasn't here:) I wonder why???:) OK that band sounds exceptionally weird and love your sketch of them. The ranter is a sad troll and glad you put him in his place which he needed. You are just too funny and right on the mark

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Don't worry, we'll answer your question soon! We definitely have not forgotten you. We have all of our questions, complete with linkbacks to the original asker, saved online and ready to go! But I'm pretty sure people didn't want to read a 2 mile long post today, so we're breaking it up into many, many chunks. :)

      And you should be sad to know that the drawings were not exaggerated in any way, minus the trademark Mario face. I guess for some people image and shock value is a lot more important than actual music.

      Delete
  29. I suspect you haven't tried Duff beer, Woo-hoo!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wait, I thought Duff was just a given. Isn't that everyone's favorite beer by default? Duff Beer: the final solution to your thirst!

      Delete
  30. Robert Downey Jr., Channing Tatum and Selma Hayak are quite a cast! I will gladly wait in line to see your movie when it comes out, even if it's not playing here. Will Fang also be taking Beer Showers with you guys now? I'm glad you never hold back, and don't ever change B & B! This was fun, and I'm looking forward to reading the next part of your continuing saga...

    Julie

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    1. Hey, if they can fit 20 people in a phone booth then we can squeeze some of our friends into the shower with us. The more the merrier! Join us! It's a party! ...A sad, cramped, awkward and uncomfortable alcoholic party.

      Oh, and everyone's clothed, btw. We all know that no matter how good of friends you are, you never cross swords.

      Delete
  31. While I love all your answers and that you guys are really answering all the questions...I have to say I loved the comeback you gave the asshole. There's just no reason for a person t be that rude to you.

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    1. Thank you! And frankly, in this day and age, there's just no reason for someone to be that painfully ignorant about a particular race.

      Delete
  32. It is just impossible to stay away from people being critical. I do my absolute best to be mealy mouthed and still catch thunder, so you may as well be yourself and not worry. I admire that. My husband has always been thick skinned and impervious to assholes. It's a quality to be admired.
    My favorite beer is a wine cooler, does that count? Bwa haha.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You like your beer Kool-aid flavored, huh? I guess we can't all be perfect. ;)

      These days, you definitely have to have thick skin to traverse the Internet. Want to lose any last bit of innocence you've ever had? Go to any major news site, anywhere, and just read the comment section. You'll hate humanity forever.

      Delete
  33. A prime reason to remain loyal to you guys: You don't negotiate with assholes. You put them in their place: "the fuck away." Damn, you're good. Great cartoons as usual, and it's good to learn more about you.

    I see some resemblance to the three stars who'd portray you, minus a needle in the arm, incoherent speech, and pretty boy face. I always wondered if I was the only one who never forgets a celebrity's dark past. I remember clearly when Robert Downey, Jr. was caught on camera in a part of Culver City (West-ish LA), not far from where I grew up. He was in a scummy alley doing/dealing, and it was a spot I wouldn't walk to in broad daylight with armed security. On the other hand, I have great respect for Russell Brand, for being so open about his drug past. And much respect for you guys for being so open about your beer habits. Smiles.

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    1. Someone also mentioned above about the time that RDJ wandered into someone's house, completely wasted, and slept in a random child's bed. I've never personally seen rock bottom, but I'd have to think it looks pretty similar to that.

      And you should be sad to know that we're damn dirty liars. For being known as "the Beer Boys" we both drink very responsibly. In fact, I can't even remember the last time I had more than 2 beers in a row. I'm more likely to pair a beer with dinner than I am to get hammered.

      Delete
    2. Not sad nor surprised to learn that. I didn't think you were the type to get hammered (nowadays). Damn, yeah, that's a Michael Jackson move on RDJ's part. Can't get much lower than Michael Jackson did, or than he is now.

      Delete
  34. PS By "pretty boy face" I mean overly pretty ala Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt. Never understood the appeal.

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    1. I've never seen the appeal either, but that may just be because they don't quite have tatas like Salma Hayek does.

      Delete
    2. Yeah, I'd do her before I'd do Brad Pitt of Channing Tatum. Well, maybe just Brad Pitt. He's gross.

      Delete
    3. Eww. Just lost my lunch. The Karate Kid - in a remake? Cuz Ralph M (? not sure of last name) is do-able.

      Delete
  35. I can't stop laughing from your commenter, Andrew Leon's comment, "Negotiating with assholes only leads to being covered in shit." Well said. Sorry you have so many questions to answer with your fantastic drawings, but can't say I will be sorry to read and view your answers. I love your blog.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That was a pretty fantastic quote. I hope we can coin something that brilliantly off-color at some point in our career. And no need to be sorry, because answering these questions has been a blast. Thanks for the blog love, and rest assured it's very much mutual. I love reading about crime... which sounds weird now that I've said it, doesn't it?

      Delete
  36. When I first saw Iron Man my dad made a quip about how Tony Stark's life was reasonably similar to Robert Downey Jr's real life. I didn't get it for years.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Looking forward to the next round of 20 Questions Answered :)
    Your loyal fan.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Was this even 20 questions? Man, we suck at this game! Thanks for the love, though!

      Delete
  38. I'm kind of jealous. I've never gotten hate mail, and I've rewritten bible stories! Where's all the crazy christians?!? See, that's how you know you've made it.

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    1. If life and mild attention on the Internet has taught us anything it's that you can post the most wildly offensive thing and people will just shrug it off, but the moment you post something fairly innocuous someone will find a way to let it outrage them. "Ugh, you posted about cuddling with your cat? You're enslaving an animal and forcing it to love you against its WILL. You're a MONSTER, Gia."

      Delete
  39. Man, that Twitter conversation took a turn I didn't expect. He started out calling you guys racists and then proceeded to explain why Mexicans aren't legitimate people.

    I'd like to think I'd just laugh a situation like that off, but there have been a couple of times I've offended someone I know by talking about them in my blog. I try to be as nice as possible to the people I know or if I'm saying something they wouldn't like, I won't use their real name or try and be as vague as possible in what I'm saying. But occasionally I'll get a message saying "Hey, that was mean. I don't like being portrayed like that." In those cases, I've done whatever I can to fix it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, what a plot twist, huh? I don't even think M. Night Shyamalan would have seen that coming.

      Also, you are like the nicest dude on the planet. I can't even imagine someone being offended by you. I mean, have they seen the rest of the Internet? Read the comment section of any news article or any YouTube video starring a black person. It makes your blog look like Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood by comparison.

      Delete
    2. Hahaha I appreciate it, but it's certainly happened ;) It tends to come out of the fact that I forget that not everyone's is an open book like me. I'll mention something that someone said and they'll be upset that it made them look bad. Actually my "H" post in the A-Z challenge explores one reason why I accidentally offend people so stay tuned for that :)

      Delete
    3. Color me intrigued. We'll be there!

      Delete
  40. While reading this, I actually had the epiphany that your blog is probably the only blog that I don't want to miss a word of---seriously. Because every line feeds into another that's all relevant and part of one big grand masterpiece of humor. (I really do speed read through most posts (which is a frightening thing admitting that to other who may see) but yeah… I've never EVER sped read through you guys because every word is gold) ;)

    I love you guys. And that last bit of craziness is so baffling to me because it's SO apparent that you guys have heart. Of course everything you do is all in good humor--it's so easy to see that behind the humor you guys are solid, genuine, real, kind people. Uh oh… too much? Hmmm. You're also gory, insanely disturbing and wicked. There. :)

    Can't wait for the next installment! Loved!!!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow, that's a HUGE compliment. Seriously. I know how easy it is to skim boring blogs (guilty as charged) and with today's post being word-city we were worried people would be taking a nap on us. Glad to hear even our lengthy word-vomit is interesting. I mean, as writers, I would HOPE it is, but you never know...

      Just in case, though, next week we're going to write a 10,000 word post and somewhere in there we're going to inject a four word message just for you that you will be required to pick out and then write a 1,000 word response regarding.

      No, kidding. But fun fact: I had a middle school English class where I figured out the teacher wasn't really reading our papers. So I'd find ways to sneak in profane or off color comments, about him, and he'd never notice (like "I bet you aren't even reading this you fat head"). Now THAT was truly the start of my creative writing career.

      Oh, and yes, we're going to answer your own questions very soon! Then you'll know who's typing this... maybe.

      Delete
  41. I love you assholes more and more with every single post! I had to read some of your stuff to my husband, who doesn't really give even a tiny shit about most of what I read, and even he laughed. Now I need to think of a question...or 75, Fang-style.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awww stop it, you're making my black, withered heart twitch with something resembling fondness. And you know what? We've already got a hundred something questions we're in the middle of answering, so what's another 75? Bring it on.

      Delete
  42. I never thought I'd see the day where balls to the wall was taken literally. Perfect

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We're pioneers of body-horror humor, don't you know.

      Delete
  43. Sorry to add to your burden guys but I had another quick question for you. If it helps you can just answer it here and there's no need to make more comics. I was just wondering how you set up that presentation in a school you did a while back. I'm considering trying to do something like that myself some time. Maybe when I have something that can be safely read in front of kids. Did you just email the school with the offer and hope for the best, or did they actually reach out to you? Or was it set up by your agent?

    I should probably get an agent.

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    1. Having an agent is definitely a plus, but you should be happy to know we didn't need ours to get this gig. We didn't even need to have anything kid friendly (none of our books are kid friendly AT ALL... as I'm sure you know).

      So Brandon's wife is a teacher at this particular elementary school... BUT, it wasn't so much that he's the hubby so much as we're both young, professional writers. Apparently her fellow teachers had been asking if we'd both want to come in to talk to the kids for some time because they were thrilled at the idea of real life authors talking to kids.

      Folks like us have an advantage in that we're young. We're fun. We can still relate to kids. That helps a ton. Now as for the 'how', we've given other presentations outside of the school, and each time we just e-mailed them. That's all you need - an e-mail that contains your credentials, why they should have you, and a loose battle plan. As mentioned, we didn't even have anything kid friendly, so we came up with that silly "The Snake and the Wig" story as a way of demonstrating the three act structure.

      You should definitely give it a shot, and if you're worried about being a stranger contacting someone, reach out to your old school (if it's nearby). Alumni coming back and showing what they've achieved is ALWAYS a huge plus for schools.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for the answer and the advice. Both my elementary school, middle school, AND high school are within a two mile radius of where I live. See, I 'Murrican'd it up for you guys. I think I already have a loose plan of what I would do too.

      Delete
    3. Good guy Mark - always dumbs things down for us, whether it's distance OR weight. Maybe one day we backwards 'Muricans will get it right. Maybe one day.

      Delete
  44. I'm still having Internet issues. As I type this I can see the Internet went off *again* which means I won't be able to hit the Publish key until it decides to come back on. I really think you can use that as material for a post at a future date. If I could draw any sort of comic I'd do it myself, but I can't... ergo.

    Anyway, I admit to being somewhat shocked by the commenter on that last post. Anyone who's read your stuff for ANY length of time knows that everything here is stated tongue-in-cheek. Heck, you guys poke fun at yourselves more than anyone else. I'm impressed by how you handled it. I'm slowly toughening up, but I'm sure I'd have gone over "what do I say" a thousand times and tried first for something watery in an attempt not to offend. Not sure that I'd ever have made it to "Just shut the fuck up and leave." But, I admire your spunk.

    Just yesterday I was saying to my mom that I KNOW I have at least one more guy I definitely don't want to date headed my way intent on dating me. And if I don't manage to say, "No, I don't want to date you," without all of the Let's Be Friends Crap or attempts to Water It Down In Any Way there will be one more after him. The universe continues to send the lesson until we get it right... unlike the public school system which gets tired of looking at your sorry ass and just passes you so that you become someone else's problem. The universe is timeless and is willing to take you on for years if you let it go that far (I've let it go that far). But, I'm really tired of getting mean-spirited text messages after bending over backwards to be nice and NOT say, "You're a really immature asshat and I don't want to date you or be your friend." The universe continues to prove to me that other people have No Problem speaking their mind, so really I should, too (in way that is true to myself AND still honest). I think when I get that one, I will finally "graduate" and actually meet someone I want to date. And, oh, what a relief it will be.

    Yeah, I know I turned this comment into All About Me and nothing really about your post. It's my first stab at really speaking my mind.

    One thought on your post (not already mentioned): Why would anyone name a beer Lagunitas Sucks (which implies that it tastes terrible)? I'm assuming Lagunitas is the brand of the beer, rather that it being something else giving commentary on Lagunitas. For instance, I suppose it would make sense if Burger King created a sandwich called The Big Mac Sucks. BUT I don't think that's what this is about.... OR do they mean Lagunitas is so good that a person can't help but suck it down? OR am I really overthinking this whole thing? Yeah, I'm going with the latter. I'm just going to live with the notion that I don't really get it.

    Thank God. My Internet is back on. This comment can finally be over.

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    1. Why apologize? That was an awesome comment. And we spent God knows how many pages rambling about us, so we're more than happy to hear about you for a change. See? You should be more selfish. Sometimes it's a good thing.

      And it's true, the universe will keep sending you assholes until you learn how to man up and tell them no. I think it's just important to remember that putting your foot down and saying you don't want to date someone isn't being mean. It's being truthful. And you shouldn't feel bad or guilty about that.

      So the story behind Lagunitas Sucks is that they didn't brew any of their seasonal Brown Shugga as promised because of production problems, so they made this beer as a very quick substitute apology, with the name implying "sorry we suck." The kicker is that it's probably the best beer they've ever made, so it's now officially labeled as the Brown Shugga Substitute and the name remains because they have a sense of humor. And hey, who doesn't love a company that can make fun of themselves?

      Delete
  45. I can't believe after that ridiculously long comment I forgot to mention RDJ.

    RDJ was on the TV show Ally McBeal when he finally completely spiralled out. It amazed me that he could play a character I loved loved loved in the midst of hitting rock bottom. On the one hand, I remembered him from before the drug use (when he looked good) and I was watching him in the midst of it (looking ragged, but still an amazing actor, which shocked me to my core) because it meant he was so damn good that he could still work in the depths of that and be believable (and what a shame when he killed himself, which I was sure the place he was headed).

    Oh... and I loved the TV show Ally McBeal and honestly felt an unhealthy resemblance between that character's life and my own. So, when she and Larry (played by RDJ) got together and it looked like it might work out for her (romantically), for the first time I had hope it might work out for me (romantically) and then RDJ hit the bottom, went to jail, and had to leave the show (and Ally). And her life returned to the hopeless state it was in before he arrived. And I decided that I was destined for the same. And in the deciding I made it so. Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that.

    And I hated RDJ for ruining my life. Yep. I'm laughing as I type this, but there was a kernel of me that actually blamed him and his drug use for ruining my hope in my dating future. I considered writing a letter to to him telling him to get his shit together so that he could return to the show (without saying that my own love life was dependent on him getting straight;) but the show was cancelled the next season (yep, the loss of RDJ destroyed the show, too). So, anyway, I do feel a certain joy that RDJ managed to straighten himself out (even if he didn't do it in time to save Ally's love life or the show). In the back of my mind I've thought if he can pull himself up out of the deepest hole possible, I can surely manage to meet a nice guy. Yeah, I know those thoughts really don't run parallel, but that's how my brain works.

    So, I remember VIVIDLY RDJ's plunge into drug use and all of the damage it wreaked in MY life. In fact, I think it's safe to say that I married my abusive ex-husband all because he couldn't quit the drugs. Ha!

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    1. I hope you don't hate us for laughing at that too. It's funny how much TV can affect our lives.

      Slightly random tangent, but I just always found it funny when I'd watch a show like Californication (David Duchovny fucks anything that walks) and then in real life Duchovny enters rehab for sex addiction. Or like Mad Men (Jon Hamm drinks himself retarded on a daily basis), and then it was recently revealed that Jon Hamm is an alcoholic. Talk about life imitating art, huh?

      Delete
  46. Holy Carp! You guys are actually doing it, I mean answering ALL of the questions.

    OK, I have one more for you. What exactly is 'racist as fuck'? I mean in every possible definition I can think of I can't seem to imagine Fuck being racist. I think that's a pretty unfair label to stick on such a descriptive word. One that to my way of thinking as absolutely nothing to do with race. Probably not religion or creed either, for that matter. So, now I have another question...why are these types (Screamin' Baby Boy Dela Cruz) always illiterate? I mean he has to hate on you for being a hater on yourself and up your hate by his nonsensical rant of hating on...I'm not exactly sure what. Are they all Schizo too?

    Anyway...Robert Downey Jr. I remember he was a drug addict, major loser, doing all type of screwy things and looking like he was almost getting away with it AND now he's Iron Man. Hummm...let me think on that for a few minutes. Course he did also play Sherlock Holmes too. Didn't he also have a drug problem? Ok, I better quit while I'm ahead or at least before someone decides to hate on me.

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    1. I'll tell you what fuck did. Fuck fucked me up... that fucking fuck.

      I just want to know why people like "Little Boy" Dela Cruz always have to go picking fights at random spots on the Internet like a comedy blog where we're simply making fun of ourselves. I mean, this isn't exactly a soapbox for Mexican rights or a call to arms. So what is us taking down our post ever going to accomplish?

      Delete
  47. ......that band.... ...like holy crap..... I'm at a loss for words they're so bad.

    Y'all ever tried Weyerbacher's beers? Idk if you can get them out there, but they are wonderful. Blithering Idiot is my fav.

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    1. Damn, we definitely do not get Weyerbacher out here. Which is a damn shame. Blithering Idiot sounds amazing. A 11.1% ABV copper ale... be still, my alcohol-soaked heart...

      Delete
    2. They have a new one now called Insanity. It is Blithering Idiot aged in bourbon barrels. It is glorious.

      Delete
  48. Brandon, I can see you as Robert Downey Jr. LOL! I've been crushing on Robert since Weird Science. Okay, that sounds like I've been crushing on Brandon. For the record, I do not know Brandon, I've never seen him in person, and we both have fabulous partners.

    Great responses to these questions! If I'm ever in town, I'll have to contact you guys, and see you scramble for cover. :D It's so true how people want instant gratification when it comes to all things. Many don't want to read long articles, blog posts, etc. That's probably why Twitter is so popular. People have short attention spans, and can handle 140 characters.

    Looking forward to reading more.

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    1. Scramble for cover? No way. We'd really like to meet our blog friends at some point, you most definitely included.

      And really, considering that most teens can barely handle a 140 character tweet, it really warms out black little hearts when we're at a book signing and we meet a teen who's either read a book and loved it or is intrigued and really wants to read one of our books. I feel like asking, "You do know that this isn't 140 characters, or 140 words, or even 140 pages, right? This, my young friend, is a real commitment."

      Delete
  49. I figured you'd not have been holding back! Still want to know about the class clowns/principal's office. Email me ;)

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  50. Hey now, what am I, chopped liver? Given, I was completely uncomfortable and introverted when we met, because the writing community was new to me. I may not have enjoyed my time as NCE Director for PPW (not because of PPW, but because the job was stressful and time consuming and I only took it because no one else would), but it made me more at ease talking to people and talking in front of people. Plus, now I know more people. So I'm not just floating around in a bubble of petrified horror, desperately dreaming of that moment I can flee home and say I did my time among the mass of writerly humanity. I've only gotten to meet one other blogger, who came to PPWC from Utah (Jennie). Actually, I'm pretty sure I knew Julie Kazimer through her blog first, too. Maybe? I no longer remember.

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    1. Well, crap! My memory's fuzzy too. I thought we met you at the PPWC before we knew you were a blogger. That's why it didn't count. Even though I guess it does. Well, we're assholes. But we're well meaning assholes, if that's any consolation? (Probably not)

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  51. Almost as good as a memoir. . .I come to your blog (sometimes late btw) to enjoy the art work, as I like visuals over text, but prefer them together. The week just isn't right without a visit to ABFTS. It must be my dark side that causes that. .and memories of friends comix like R. Crumb, Fat Freddy's Cat, etc. . .all from the past of course.

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    1. Awww, stop it you!

      Any comparison to Gilbert Shelton's Fat Freddy's Cat is enough to make us blush. What a wonderfully off-color comic, and way ahead of its time. That's definitely the kind of thing that makes our day, so thank you!

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  52. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. This comment has been licked by the administrator.

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  53. Gotta say - good on ya for taking that Dela Cruz boy to the cleaners. "If you think we need to take this down, then we don't want you reading our blog anyway. Fuck off." Now that's standing up for what you believe in!!! :)

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    1. Hey, thanks! And really, tons of people loved the post, one random asshole didn't. The math speaks for itself.

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  54. Epic post boys!
    Glad to be part of your following. I'm always down for a good laugh.
    I got sunburned today so I was thinking of heading to the Indian affairs office to see about getting free money Or at the very least free college for my extremely Irish-Indian kids!

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