Misha: I'm digging the new look. What inspired the pictures?
A few people asked about this, and we assume you mean our awesome new banner. We designed it that way because it's all about what you're gonna get here.
It has the two of us looking our (not) finest, it has a book with a page bitten off (we wrote a kickass zombie novel that's gotten nothing but praise), beer, pets that are assholes, drunken shenanigans (passed out guy), the unexpected (demon spying on us while smoking a cig), and gross misinformation, which you may remember from our killer guide to the female body aka the vagina is a scary cow monster.
But above all, it gives you no right to complain if you read our comics, because when you load up the website there's a baby getting punched right in the face, front and center. When you visit ABftS you know EXACTLY what you're getting into.
So hello, you sick bastards. Just know you're all in good company.
Jo Henderson: How old are the pair of you? And which one is a minister?
The pair of us is 62 years old... but individually we're each 31. Mentally we're 8 years old, and we still get carded for rated R movies, so on most days I guess we look (and act) like overgrown teenagers. And Bryan is indeed an ordained minister, so if you ever need a wedding or a baptism or an exorcism... you know where to find us.
Cherdo: What's up with Downton Abbey - next season is their last one? I'll bet you guys are crushed, too.
Brandon: I've never watched it. Isn't it like the British version of Jersey Shore or something? God, I bet English Snookie is one silly little twat...
Bryan: Uh, actually, I know all about this show because I watch it... with the wife. That's my totally valid excuse for viewing. And hey, better to go out on top than fizzle out by beating everyone's storylines to death. Plus, as Maggie Smith said of her character, Granny: "I think she must be about 110 by now."
Cherdo: Do you like to travel? How far away from home sweet home have you ventured?
Brandon: I am what you might call "deathly afraid" of man-made flying machines. So, no, I don't really like to travel. I do, however, force myself to do it, which usually means spending too much money drinking airport booze beforehand and reaching my destination with the beginnings of a midday hangover. The farthest I've ventured from home (yet) is glorious Cancun, Mexico, where the herpes flows like wine, and your bellboy will sell you any drug you want...and then threaten to report you to la policia unless you give him back those drugs, along with all of your money.
Bryan: What he said. Something about the possibility of plunging 40,000 feet to my death inside a sardine can packed full of people makes me require mass amounts of alcohol before boarding. But I still do it. Farthest I've ever gone was Thailand, where I trained Muay Thai kickboxing AND sang karaoke with a major general of the Thai army. He's better at a left hook than he is at singing a hook, but it was still a pretty incredible experience.
Oh, and to reiterate from both of us... fuck flying. As we posted before, everything about flying is awful.
Cherdo: Do you have any pets?
We both have goddamn animal farms. It's ludicrous. Vacuums wish for death when we buy them. Brandon has 2 cats and 2 dogs, and not to be outdone, Bryan has 4 dogs, 2 cats, and enough shed pet hair to form another animal entirely.
Cherdo: What is your FAVORITE joke of all time? Spit it out.
Brandon: World peace. Too dark? Too real, ISIS?
Bryan: A woman's checking out at the grocery store. On the conveyor belt she has a loaf of bread, a carton of milk, 3 bell peppers, 2 tomatoes, half a watermelon, and a box of crackers. A man gets behind her in line, looks at her items, and then looks at her and says "I bet you $10 you're single."
The woman says, "Why yes, actually, I am single. But none of these items would seem to indicate that. How did you know I'm single?" And the man says, "Because you're ugly as fuck."
Spacerguy: Do either of you watch Star Trek or Star Wars and if so which is your favorite and why?
Both of us have watched almost all of the flavors of Star Trek at some point or another and we've seen all of the Star Wars movies, but I don't know if you can really call us fans. We're more into sci-fi like Doctor Who. We do like to read sci-fi, though, and we even wrote a sci-fi novelette. But we'll probably not be attending any Star Wars conventions.
S.K. Anthony: What are your tips to get the best and sexiest Twerks? :P
Based on the little sarcastic face at the end I'm assuming this is a joke question, but you know what? We're going to answer it seriously anyway. The key is to really put your butt into it. Lead with the butt. Follow it. Trust it. Let it be your spiritual guide. Whatever you do, don't twerk with the back. You'll end up looking like a cat that's about to projectile vomit.
Katy Anders: Have you ever considered changing this into a single theme blog - like a mommy blog or a music news page or a blog that takes on controversial contemporary political issues?
No, if only because it's fun not to have to commit to any single theme. We can post about whatever the hell we want, and that sweet freedom is priceless. Besides, we don't like most modern mainstream music and neither of us has a decent set of tits, so the mommy blog theme or the music news theme probably isn't gonna happen any time soon.
Now, speaking of controversial contemporary political issues...
Bob G. (we're answering half of your Qs today): Politics - yes, no, or WTF?
Thank God you left in that third answer, because we're more along the lines of WTF? Many people say "we're proud conservatives!" and other people say "we're proud liberals!" and we say "fuck you, we hate all of you. Now get off my goddamn front step because I'm not going to vote for you anyway, you slimy back-alley Washington prostitutes."
In other words, we don't care much for politics. Which is why we don't gripe about it around here. But if you want us to be topical and relevant, then here's a politically-themed comic. See, Rand Paul just recently announced he's going to run for president, and you can support his campaign by buying stupid shit in his webstore. Hurray for us all...
I don't think we have to tell you that anyone who wears Rand Paul flip flops can go jump off a bridge into piranha infested waters. But the same goes for anyone who buys a Hillary Clinton fanny pack or Ted Cruz Crocs. We can't stand any of you... equally.
Bob G: Any personal "foibles" you care to share?
My friend, our blog is a weekly look into our daily foibles. We can't think of a single foible we haven't posted yet, and if we do, rest assured it'll be cartoonized. Making fun of the flip-flop wearing mop-head that is Rand Paul is fun and all, but making fun of ourselves is even more fun.
So stay tuned for next week when we take a brief break from answering your questions to bring you the tale of how a popular crowdfunding site led us to poverty, depravity, and even murder.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan
Beer: Joseph James Hop Box