Monday, March 30, 2015

Ask Us Anything!

Welcome to the new and improved, shiny and breast-augmented A Beer for the Shower! We are Brandon and Bryan, and we are here to make you laugh.

...But not today.

Today we're stealing taking a cue from Reddit and having our very own AMA (Ask Me Anything). But since there's two of us, we're making this one an AUA (Ask Us Anything). The premise is simple; you ask us anything this week, and we'll answer you next week... with pictures!



Example questions:

Q: Did you always want to be writers?
Bryan: I wanted to be a firetruck when I was little (I was a stupid child), but since that's technically impossible I settled on Plan B which was "be an author."

Q: Why does mommy cry when daddy drinks?
Brandon: Because you touch yourself at night.

Q: What's the secret to life?
Both of us: Don't be a dickhead.

So ask us anything you've ever wanted to know. It can be ridiculous, it can be serious, it can be fun, it can be professional (you know, writing-related stuff). It can be whatever the hell you want. So get going. Drop us a comment below (anonymous comments welcome) by Sunday, April 5th, ask us whatever the hell you want, and next week Monday we'll answer all of your questions... complete with illustrations.

~B&B




157 comments:

  1. Like the new look!
    Ridiculous or serious? Let's see, I could go for something really out there, but I'm sure you'll get plenty of odd questions today. So I'll ask about music, since you never mention it. What type of music do you like? Do you play any instruments? And what's the weirdest concert experience you've ever had? (That last one could be fun.)

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    1. Thank you sir! And damn, good questions! That last one actually goes back to a post we made, but it was with our old cartoons, so I may have to update it for the sake (and hilarity) of next week's post.

      The jackass answer (since we'll answer it seriously): Indie Norwegian lesbian postcore folktronica.

      Delete
  2. Love the new look. Why is it as soon as someone says ask me anything, I can't think of anything to ask?

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    1. Trust me, we know the feeling. It's like telling someone we write humor so they instantly say, "Okay, say something funny then!"

      That's probably the best way to make my funny supply dry up on the spot.

      (If you think of anything, do come back)

      Delete
  3. Have you ever pooped your pants, and if not, pooped in an uncomfortable place?
    Everyone has a good poop story, it's what binds us as human beings, and I think I'd like to see that illustrated.

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    1. Why am I not surprised that your question is poop related? And also, just so you know, if the answer is that either of us did poop our pants, we could technically answer both of those with a yes.

      Example: Yes, I pooped in a very uncomfortable place... my pants.

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  4. Which movie stars will portray you in the mega-blockbuster super hit movie Hollywood will make of your blog? Casting suggestions for other blog characters also welcome.

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    1. Just say it; you want to be played by Ellen Degeneres, don't you?

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  5. I'm digging the new look. What inspired the pictures?

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    1. Good question! I was hoping someone would ask about the new banner. Each one has a story, and each one will be explained next week.

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  6. Woo, new design! Looking better every time, I like the cleaner, lighter look but it still retains the crudeness of your comic in elements such as that gigantic header. (Spacing here and there could do with some minor tweaks, I don't like it when things are off-center, but otherwise it's fine!)

    "answer all your questions"
    "all"
    Oh okay this is going to be fun.
    All-time favorite beer?
    All-time favorite beer I can probably get over here in the Netherlands?
    Think you could go a month without body-horror humor in your comics?
    aBftS meetup when?
    Ever considered going for a more traditional webcomic format (ie actual comic pages instead of images surrounded by text (or even smaller pages surrounded by shorter texts))? If yes, what made you not go that route (aside from the obvious "so much work" argument)?
    If I ever happen to be near you (wherever that may be), mind if I drop by?
    Y'all ever tried programming? You should!
    Which do you prefer, dogs or cats? And why is it dogs?
    As a hobbyist writer, what is a good place/way to get broad constructive feedback on drafts?
    Opinions on the modern short attention span culture? Do/did you take this into consideration when setting up the blog/its posts? Relatedly, have you ever sacrificed quality to reach a wider audience?
    What's something on your bucket list you think I should do too? (Yes, the answer is going on my bucket list.)

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    1. Holy crap, dude. Well thanks for all of the questions! You didn't want to make this easy for us, did you? We're happy to answer all of them, and the short answer to at least one is that we've always wanted to meet a fellow blogger in person (never have) but each time something falls through and it doesn't happen. We need to remedy that.

      Delete
    2. It may already be too late, but one final question anyway: Why do you guys not sign comments? Do you not want us to know which of you is behind some of them?

      Delete
  7. The new page looks great, but I was really hoping for more comic sans. It would have been funnier.

    Have you ever considered changing this into a single theme blog - like a mommy blog or a music news page or a blog that takes on controversial contemporary political issues?

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    1. What we lack in Comic Sans we more than make up for with puns and knock knock jokes. And punny knock knock jokes. And you weren't supposed to blow the lid on us turning into a mommy blog (that takes on controversial contemporary political issues) just yet, but I guess it had to come out some time.

      Delete
  8. What's up with Downton Abbey - next season is their last one? I'll bet you guys are crushed, too.

    Do you like to travel? How far away from home sweet home have you ventured?

    Do you have any pets?

    What is your FAVORITE joke of all time? Spit it out.

    Elvis has left the building.

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    1. Great, now next Monday the world will know of our love of Downton Abbey. At least we'll have a killer favorite joke to make everyone quickly forget that factoid...

      (Our own question: Elvis has left the building, but was it skinny shake-the-hips Elvis, or fat-out-of-breath heavy-on-the-sideburns Elvis?)

      Delete
  9. Love the new look! You guys are always so cutting edge. OK, my question, is whether you ever compromised your humor because you were afraid of offending someone? I only ask because I appreciate how open you guys are and I love your style. Maybe it's because I'm a female but sometimes I think I can't say this or that for fear of crossing the line. But most of the time I don't want to compromise myself just to please someone else. Then I would feel like I disappointed the chick in the mirror. Serious shit I know!

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    1. Damn, that's a good question, one we very much look forward to answering. And an awesome comment all around. You know, you should never hold back, and you're definitely your funniest when you don't. Like today's post. Seeing the word 'fuck' injected that many times (and not gratuitously) just made me beyond happy.

      Delete
  10. I'm loving the new design. Especially the cat above the comment section. You can have my comments you giant cat. You can have all of them. Okay four questions, a few serious, one not so.

    1. I know a lot of things happen because you touch yourself at night, but just WHY do you touch yourself at night?

    2. How does writing together even work? Do you plan the novel together but then one of you writes it, or do you write individual sections or have control over a character? The only time I've really seen collaborations work is in comics and manga where one person writes and another draws.

    3. How do you guys promote your books, and typically how much do you spend on it? Do you ever buy advertising or things like that?

    4. All in all, how many ideas would you guys say you have left? I can tell you three books I want to write, and you should always have more to write, so how many ideas do you have floating around you could seriously have a go at?

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    1. Long cat appreciates your awesome questions. Also, long cat is long. That is all until next time.

      Delete
  11. Great new look and that is one loooong cat lol overcompensating for something are we?

    When you go camping and you drink beer in the woods, does it make a sound?
    When changing from a football head to a round one, how does the brain shrink to fit? Was it big in the first place?

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    1. Since I'm assuming the first question isn't one to be answered next week... we're not overcompensating via long cat. That's what the Porsche is for. And the 18 year old bimbo mistress. Wait, we don't have either of those. We suck at this.

      But really though, the kitten hasn't gotten taller. She's only gotten longer. She makes a great door stopper for when it's drafty, though.

      Delete
    2. She'll get really long and if she gets too long and you have door handle, not knobs, she'll teach herself to stretch up and open the door. I had to make sure my last apartment the door swung in because it had a handle and he can't pull in, when I took him home for a visit he opened Mom's door and thought he was going out in the backyard.

      Delete
    3. She's already figuring out how doors work and will try to reach up to bat the handle (we do have handles, not knobs) but she can't reach... yet. I really, really (do not) look forward to the day the cat invariably learns to open the bathroom door while I'm on the toilet. Come on, cat, give a man some privacy.

      Delete
    4. Kids, grandkids, dogs, cats... and privacy in the bathroom? This does not compute.

      Delete
    5. Well, seeing as how I haven't had kids yet, I was REALLY hoping to hang onto my privacy (and my dignity) just a little bit longer...

      Delete
  12. Why do guys see everything through sex colored glasses and can they be happy this way? For instance, what if you start to date the hottest girl in the world but as you continue to date her you realize her personality is as ugly as you thought mobility scooter girl looked? Would you still date her because she was super hot?

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    1. We don't all see things through sex colored glasses. Also, where can I get these sex colored glasses? I just have regular glasses and am not able to see any kind of sex. I feel like I'm missing out.

      Okay, kidding aside, damn good question and one we're looking forward to (and can easily answer) next week.

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    2. Well, actually now that you mention it, I have heard something about the Oculus Rift and a new kind of virtual reality....

      Delete
    3. I'm just gonna leave this here and say that while this sounds cool in theory, I don't think I will be in any rush to go out and buy one. Something about this seems... wrong? Pathetic? Weird?

      Old people react to virtual reality porn

      Delete
    4. LOL! But one of the guys said it was "an experience that dreams are made of!"

      Yeah... I think reality is better than virtual reality but to each there own.

      Delete
  13. I like the new boobs, much higher and you know, where boobs should be. The look IS SO BRIGHT, MY EYES! But I like it, easy to read. Some people do not think of their readers in terms of eyesore-ability. Sure a cursive font sounds fancy, but if it's really hard to read than your writing better be kick ass. (Spoiler: People who pick cursive font as their blog font, do not IMHO have kickass writing.)
    I too am interested in the banner pics, I have delved backward in time on your blog but I don't recognize a lot of those pictures. I'll be over here on the edge of my seat until next week.
    My question:
    If you each HAD TO pick one profession, besides writer/author/playwrite/scribe from which to draw inspiration for your stories, what would that be?
    Online match-maker, mayhaps?
    Writing Retreat Planner/Torture Dungeon Designer?
    Murder Mystery Crafter, which would result from the above no doubt.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, my banner's up HERE, pervert.

      And let me just say that yes, I hate cursive fonts for anything. WE GET IT. YOU'RE A WRITER. YOU WANT TO COME ACROSS AS SMART. But newsflash, making us do this to your pretentious cursive font is not helping your case.

      Delete
  14. B&B:
    Okay, here goes:

    --What TV shows do you two HAVE to watch (and why), even if you accidentally cut your femoral artery?
    (well, maybe not THAT severe...a paper cut, then)
    And do any of your "significant others LIVE on Bravo?

    -- What's your BIGGEST gripe with society (in general)?

    --Politics - yes, no, or WTF?

    --Any personal "foibles" you care to share?

    There you have it...AUA-away.
    Hope this doesn't get any of us banned (except in Lichtenstein).

    Have a great week and stay safe out there.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I would cut my femoral artery if I was forced to watch Bravo. How's that?

      Okay, real answers coming next week, and good questions! I feel like 'what's your gripe with society' could be a post all its own.

      Delete
  15. The new look is excellent. So many questions.
    1. What are your thoughts on meeting fans/readers for beers? Say someone who may be attending the GAB in Denver.
    2. Have you ever found yourselves writing something you never intended to write. For example, my wife sat down and planned to write romantic suspense novels. As a frequent interlude to that process, she finds herself writing horror short fiction. Not sure how much that should scare me but it is a curious phenomenon to me.

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    1. My only question is... what's GAB? The Government Accountability Board (according to Google)? And why would anyone attend that?

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    2. Great American Beer Festival, that F would have helped eh.

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    3. The F always helps, and you had us at beer. That's going to make government accountability so much more interesting and tolerable.

      Delete
  16. Great new look guys! Love your looooooooong.......cat!

    What are your tips to get the best and sexiest Twerks? :P

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    1. Oh man, you're making me give up my trade secret twerking tips? Okay, I'll answer it, but I can't be held liable for any eyes you poke out or any women you turn gay.

      Delete
  17. All right, I have a few serious questions for you guys, since you've been around the writer's block. Many of them are open-ended, and you can pick and choose which ones you want to answer.

    1) In reference to the cover of Dead And Moaning in Las Vegas, did you guys pay the artist a one-time fee that included the copyright of the image, or do you have to pay him a stipend depending on how many books are sold a month?

    2) What are some of the less obvious benefits and drawbacks of self-publication?

    3) Do you guys do all of your own editing, or do you hire someone?

    4) Why does the atmosphere get colder the closer you get to the sun?

    5) If you could travel around the world at one time zone per hour, will you live forever?

    6) Who's your favorite author (if you had to choose one)?

    7) What book has been your guilty pleasure?

    This is my third attempt at a comment because my browser is being a bit silly at work, so excuse me if some of the questions don't make sense. And thanks for doing an AUA!

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    1. Dude, high five for some awesome questions. And blogging while at work... I too like to live dangerously.

      Also, I'm beginning to think we're going to have to split this up into multiple posts. Stay tuned for more than you ever could have possibly wanted to know about us!

      Delete
  18. Anything you say? Ok then....My home state of Indiana just passed a Freedom of religion bill that allegedly allows people and businesses to discriminate against gays and people of different ethnic or religious backgrounds. Many have also interpreted the law as a loop hole to allow use of marijuana. People can claim it is part of their religious beliefs and practices and be protected from prosecution under this law, or so it is believed. The secretary of state for Indiana just approved a petition for an establishment of the Church of Cannabis within the state of Indiana.

    My question is this...If I were to test the limits of this law and smoke weed freely claiming it as my religious practice, would you pay my bail, and if need be, pay my lawyer expenses if this experiment failed?

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    1. Oh Dan, I think we all know the answer to this question but God bless you for trying anyway.

      Delete
    2. Well would at least show support for my cause? Make me out as a martyr, prop me up as a revolutionary hero, and solidify my status as an American citizen who led the charge against a suppressive government?

      Delete
  19. What do you think of nature versus nurture? I often wonder wtf happened. My sister is completely different from me. Not the one in a cult- the other one. I guess the one in a cult is too. I mean, I don't think that we come from a long lost tribe in Israel. But, anyway, we all share same DNA and grew up in the same town. Why are we so different?

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    1. Damn, look at you getting all psychological on us. I dig it. I guess we're going to have to brush up on our edumucation before we answer so we don't look like complete dumbasses!*

      *we're like half dumbass, but not complete and utter dumbass

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  20. Looking good! I admire people who have the know-how to spiffy up their blogs. Mine will probably have the same tired look until I kick the bucket. After that, it'll be somebody else's concern...

    Now, then. Questions. Were you class clowns when you were in school? Get into trouble together? Doodle cartoons when you were supposed to be taking notes? Manage to get good grades anyway, simply because you charmed your teachers?

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    1. Sure, being spiffy is nice, but content is where it's at. And we'll keep coming back to you over some lame mommy blog any day.

      Also, fantastic questions that we can't wait to answer. Let's just say school was never our favorite place but it did make a nice place to rest my head between shenanigans...

      Delete
  21. Oh I could ask far off questions like " What type of bra and panties do you really want to see on Bruce Jenner?" "When will you guest star on Downton Abbey and are you playing the boy toy for Thomas Barrow?" My more serious question is all about film-"Which film made the first impression on you?" "Who is your favourite actor/actress?" "Which era is your favourite?"

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    1. And with that, we instantly regret saying you could be ridiculous. Damn, I think you out-ridiculous'd everyone so far. BUT... we own what we said, so... stay tuned for next week when we tell you all about Bruce Jenner's girly underwear and being Thomas Barrow's boy toy. Sadly, the two questions go very much hand in hand. :(

      Delete
  22. Dang! I pass out for a few hours and when I come to, your blog looks totally different. I hardly know where I am. Perhaps you could direct me to The Yellow Brick Road? (That wasn't a Q for you to answer with drawings, by the way.)

    Actually, Fang stole my question while I was still passed out. I was gonna ask, "If God said you could only drink ONE type and brand of beer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?" Of course, I realize that you Beer Boys would likely have to answer that individually. Also, I realized that there was some chance your answers to that could change after this coming Thursday. So... back to the head-scratching board for me...

    6-B: What is your very favorite Paul Simon song?
    Brandon: What is your very favorite book (including all genres)?

    These are probably crappy Q's to try illustrating for humor. As soon as this coffee kicks in and this hangover wears off, I'll think up some better Q's and then y'all can just fuhgeddaboud these two.

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. We've actually had a few people ask us the book question... so... step up your game, son! You say coffee, I say hair of the dog that bit you... round two!

      Delete
  23. Oh, that is one incredibly ballsy chance that the two of you are taking, giving people like us a carte Blanche like "Ask us Anything." Good luck, friends. Okay, here I go:

    1) What is your most favorite book of all time? I'm talking the book that you could read over and over again and get something new out of it every single time and never get tired of it?
    2) All-Time favorite movie?
    3) Do you believe in ghosts, and have you ever had any experiences that reinforced that belief?
    4) You guys have known each other for a VERY long time, so I'm sure you've taken a more than one road trip together. Share the story of your most memorable road trip(s)!
    5) How many brothers/sisters do each of you have? Are you close to your families?
    6) If you guys could form your own garage band, what instruments would you play, and who would you recruit to be in the band with you? Oh, and most important of all: what would you call yourselves?

    There could be more that I come up with throughout the week, so be ready for that!

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    1. Ho. Lee. Crap. So it was already decided that we're going to have to split this into more than one post, but I feel like your questions could be a post all on its own. Those are some fantastic questions, though, all of which we have (hopefully) fantastic answers for. As we respect our readers and blogger friends, next week we're going to give you more than just jackass answers like...

      1) My Microwave Pamphlet. 5/5 stars would read again.
      2) Anything with Adam Sandler makes me vomit laughter.
      3) I believe that I am the ghost of Ebenezer Scrooge stuck on this blog for eternity as punishment for laughing at Tiny Tim falling down a flight of stairs.
      4) That one time we had to bury the bodies. Talk about everything that could go wrong going wrong. Dave's mangled corpse even fell out of the trunk! LOL!
      5) Zero... now. See above. LOL!
      6) We'd recruit the musical stylings of Paris Hilton. Her role in the band? Being shot out of a cannon into the sun. The most beautiful music either of us have ever heard.

      Delete
    2. I'm pretty sure that being shot from a cannon into the sun is the ONLY useful purpose that Paris Hilton could possibly serve for humanity. I'm looking forward to the live concert!

      Delete
  24. Ohhhhh… look at you boys.

    New threads, new long cat, new lease on life. Amazing what a little inspiration can do. (Small bow taken, I was worried I would be alone for the great skin shedding ceremony as I transformed my blog, what 4 times to get it right. You boys score on the first touchdown, not like your mystery dates!)

    As to questions… I have many, but will ask only one.

    If you had to choose between losing one of your senses, which would it be, and why?

    For the purpose of this question the senses are defined as such:
    Sight - your ability to see and appreciate beautiful women (namely your wives… silly boys, what were you thinking)
    Smell - your ability to smell your offerings to the great Toilet God.
    Hearing - your ability to hear accolades and compliments pertaining expressly to your writing.
    Taste - your ability to taste greasy fries, smothered in gravy with bits of cheese worked in.
    Touch - your ability to touch your toes and still know you are the virile studly dudes your wives wished you were.

    Yes, this is a tough question. No deviating. Those are the senses. Don't pretend you haven't thought about losing one of them.

    I look forward to your answer(s). Yes, you each must answer for yourself, really, otherwise it would be just too weird, like those Bunker Boys… like really weird.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. ...And that would be the only way that either of us would ever score a touchdown. Ever.

      And hey, we're no Bunker Boys. I absorbed the other guy in the womb and project his identity onto this blog to validate my lonely existence. Which of us survived and which of us is a delusional figment of the other's imagination? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!

      (Okay, not really. But great question and looking forward to answering it)

      Delete
  25. Your new breasts are very perky and easy on the eyes. Wink. Seriously, great cover. It's much more inviting than the black background of your formerly flat chests.

    You guys have been so honest with me...let's see...I like hearing about your younger days. Did you ever crush on the same girl/s? Ever double date? Ever trade "how to impress a chick" tips? Do tell. This'll be fun.

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    1. Not only are they perky, but they both face the same direction too! No more of those 'cockeyed' nipples pointing wherever they please, care of that first botched surgery.

      We're looking forward to answering your questions, but just know that we still give each other tips on how to impress chicks... just not in the way you think.

      "Pro tip, man. If you ever want to avoid sleeping on the couch, don't answer honestly when your wife gets in a fiery rage and asks, 'What? Am I being a bitch right now'?"

      Delete
    2. Ah, yes, current tips on "how to best avoid being served by divorce papers" will make for great material too.

      Delete
  26. Like the new look, and it appears all pretensions have been dropped. Do you want to dig into our brains for ideas to see how weird everyone else is? That's not the question, though.
    Question: What do you really think about living in Colorado? Has it made you a better writer, a la Hunter S.? (the stir-em-up technique)

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    1. Honestly, I love reading these questions and seeing the potential for how weird people are. If anything, I wish there was more weirdness in these questions. But you've got a great question, and we have (I think) a great answer for it. Big Hunter Thompson fans... but we're not yet ready to be shot out of a cannon into space.

      Delete
  27. Judging by how far I had to scroll, you're going to be drawing a lot of pictures next week.

    Professional:
    How do you copyright shit?

    Fun:
    What do you do for fun? You know, besides having a beer in the shower.
    Also, what is the stupidest thing either of you have ever done?

    I was going to add a ridiculous question too, but I have half an hour to get ready for work and no time to think of one.

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    1. My hand's hurting just thinking about all of that typing/drawing... it's definitely gonna be drawn out into a few posts.

      Oh, and I think you did damn fine for the time allotted, and I look forward to being forced to share with everyone my dumbest moment. I'm going to have to do some digging... not because it's a rare event and it's hard to remember, but actually because it happens so often I have to go through them all and pick just one.

      Delete
  28. Just to clarify, I didn't mean literal shit. I meant like blogs and books and stuff.

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    1. We knew what you meant and weren't going to be snide about it. But in case you're wondering... shit CAN be copyrighted. Just look at anything Iggy Azalea's ever made. No one can legally reproduce it even if they wanted to... which they don't. They really don't.

      Delete
  29. Hmm... Okay, I'll ask an appropriately timed one:
    Have you ever poked a giant douche bag with a stick? Did it pop? What came out of it?
    Did it hurt when the giant douche bag said that you're not funny?
    Have you ever considered doing a comic of said giant douche bag as a giant turd monster?
    Do you think that would be funny even if not quite original?

    Personally, the humor there, for me, would outweigh the fact that it's been done before.

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    1. Oh, and speaking of giant douche bags, you should go read the comment section of my review of Living with a Wild God.

      Delete
    2. You just really want me to draw us battling a giant turd monster, don't you? Because... I'm tempted. I'm really, really tempted. I hate having the mind of a child sometimes.

      Delete
    3. I do! Because that would be... AWESOME!
      The amount of awesome that would be threatens to make my mind shut off to protect itself.

      Delete
  30. Okay, here goes: I just went on my long desired trip to the ruins of Mycenae in Greece. First, which beer did your great-great ancestors leave lying in the ruins? Second, which one did you leave when you visited last year? Third, which one did you have to serve to get the damn archaeologists off their asses and working?

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    1. Those are some fantastic questions, and we will be more than happy to answer them next week after we ingest mass amounts of LSD and acid so we can give an appropriate answer!

      Delete
  31. Love the new look :) My daughter wanted to be a tomato when she grew up. That brought so many awkward images to my mind, not the least of which was Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. That was probably better than all the other versions I thought of for my adorable little four year old, at the time. Thank goodness she outgrew that fantasy by the time she was a teenager. She still leaves messy disaster in her wake when she is angry.

    I have no questions for ya'll. I just love reading what others ask, and your responses. A little wine helps.

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    1. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who wanted to be an inanimate object. And after seeing all of the questions we've been asked... please, pass the wine. With a side of beer.

      Delete
  32. I have thought long and hard about what to ask you...and I am going with:

    Does the light stay on after you close the refrigerator door?

    I always wanted to know...

    Like the new look...

    Larry

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    1. Great, now we're going to have to conduct scientific experiments, too? What am I, Bill Nye the Refrigerator Guy?

      Delete
    2. I was not sure this posted-got an error when I hit "publish" yesterday.

      In fairness, when I was a child I tried to conduct this research myself with an old refrigerator, but got reprimanded (my parent's generation-no sense of discovery!).

      You did say ask me anything.

      Delete
  33. Love your new look! I also wish I had your creative abilities. My blog is like my hairstyle, and will probably never change. Here are my questions: 1) What is the "swirl" on Seinfeld, and have either one of you had success with George's move? 2) Bryan and Brandon, have you ever pulled a Cyrano de bergerac to help each other on dates?

    Feel free to answer one or none of the above. I have a feeling this will turn into a mini-series with all of the great questions everyone's been sending you!

    Julie

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    1. You're anticipating a mini-series? I'm anticipating answering these questions for the rest of our natural lives! ...Which is great, because hey, free blog material! And you'd better believe we'll give you answers.

      Delete
  34. When Ted Cruz wins the Republican nomination for President, should Justin Bieber be his running mate?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're both going to need a lot of time to ponder this question. LOL JK we hate them both. Should be fun to answer though.

      Delete
  35. Your bloghome looks great!! I don't remember the green eyes in the wall, smoking a cigarette.

    Q - I was wondering about your water activities. Do you swim? Ski? Pontoon? Canoe? Tubing Parasail? (And, no, I don't need to know about bathing... we know you shower with a beer!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I was wondering about your water activities" may be the best and most completely random start to a series of questions EVER. Thank you for that. Really. That's awesome.

      And the eyes are new. I like that punching a baby in the face isn't, though. "No, that sounds like something I've seen them do."

      Delete
  36. Did you get a spray tan or roll in white paint for your new header? Nice new look by the way.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am really just that white. What do you expect of two writers that don't much care to leave the house and step into the sun?

      Delete
  37. I love the new look! Hmm....what's your most embarrassing guilty pleasure? I'm really looking for embarrassing here. Not "I spend too much time watching my cat do stupid things." Everyone does that. More like "When I'm all alone I put on my comfy pjs and binge watch dance moms and read erotic harry potter fanfiction" embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As a 31 year old male that IS pretty embarrassing, but okay, we'll indulge you. We'll think of something truly, epically embarrassing and stupid.

      Delete
  38. OK, I have a question for you...

    What question would you like me to ask you?

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At this point, there are so many questions flying every which way a better question might be 'what have we gotten ourselves into?'

      Delete
  39. I like that last question. I too can't think of anything to ask you. I'm not sure about your new banner, will have to get used to it. I know, how old are the pair of you? and which one is a minister?

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    1. Ooh, that's an easy one that I can answer right now, just in case we run out of room for next week's post (which is more and more likely). We're both 31 years old but look like 20-somethings, and Bryan is an ordained minister that performed one wedding with some pretty decent success.

      Delete
  40. Ooooo… this is DANGEROUS… and probably the most exciting thing I've had to look forward to in a month…

    Is it like a cheep Genie thing and I only get one question? (No, that's NOT my question!) Hmmm… See, at first, I'm wanting to dig deep down and ask something heavy like what's the worst fight you two have ever had?

    But then I want to know stuff like "Have you ever wanted to date the same girl? And if so, who got her? Was the purple haired beauty involved?"

    And THEN this is the ultimate mystery… do you guys have a system with who does what? I always want to know who I'm talking to. Say,is Bryan really the funny one, but Brandon does all the tedious bloggy work, cuz he's too shy to participate on social media? ;-) Or vice versa? Or are you equal/equal in the humor/commenting/twitter department?

    Oh man… I'll probably think of another awesome question later and kick myself that I wasted my question on these questions… THERE IS TOO MUCH I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can ask as many as you want (I may regret saying that, but everyone else has asked multiple questions, so...).

      Also, come on, shy? Either of us? Especially on social media? That just does not compute. As for who talks to you typically, that's Achmed our outsourced intern. His English is great, right? I mean, for an 8 year old Pakistani boy. We pay him in Oreo cookies and false promises. Come on, Achmed, like WE can really get you that visa?

      Stay tuned for real answers next week or the week after that (this is definitely going to have to be a two part mini-series...).

      Delete
  41. I love the new digs, guys. The page loads much faster, too.

    You're brave souls for allowing us to ask you questions. I think I'll ask a serious one and a funny one.

    If you found out that an author you liked didn't share the same ideals in life as you, would you stop associating/reading that author's works?

    Briefs or boxers?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let's just combine the two. If I found out an author didn't wear the same underwear as me, I'd instantly stop reading that author's work.

      This is why the only books I read are by J.K. Rowling.

      (That was the jackass answer. Great questions, which will be answered for real next week or the week after)

      Delete
  42. Very cool new look. As for asking you something, I actually a viable question that may or may not have a viable answer, but here it is.

    How in the world did you guys first hook up (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)?

    Father Nature's Corner

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    Replies
    1. I want to smack you and high five you all at the same time. Well played, sir. Very well played.

      Delete
  43. I first saw this on Debra's blog. I think the idea is awesome. Here's my question: What is your favorite Belgian beer?

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    1. Shhh, we don't want Debra to think we're stealing this from her. Even though we kinda are. But we're also stealing it from Reddit. Great question. One that made me very thirsty. You Belgians make a damn fine beer, you know.

      Delete
  44. Oh look at you, all boobalicious and stuff!

    So, questions:

    1. It's time for the great kitty cat hat attack; what is Pat Hatt up to whilst it's going on?

    2. Velveeta or Cheez-Whiz?

    3. What is the kindest and/or most generous thing someone has done for you?

    Aaaaaaaannnnddddd.....

    4. You've been selected to start a new charity; what would it be, and why?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Awesome questions! Can the new charity be fraudulent? Because that would knock out 3 and 4 instantaneously - "The kindest, most generous thing anyone's ever done is given me every penny they've ever had for my fraudulent charity, no questions asked."

      Okay, okay, real answers coming soon.

      Delete
    2. Darlin's, you play it however you want... fraudulent = funny!

      Delete
  45. I love the new website design. Wish I had the knowledge of doing it for myself. WOACA needs a new look. sigh. But that will require a learning curve. sigh. I don't have time for that. crap.

    Congrats boys! May the force be with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WOACA looks great the way it is. It has a simple charm. Less is more.

      "Beam me up, Luke" - Doctor Who

      Delete
    2. Awww, I did comment. And you answered! Thanks boys. You're very sweet and kinda charming yourselves.

      Delete
  46. Great new look. Love the idea. Here's my question for both of you:

    What is your wife's biggest pet peeve about you (both)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To quote The Lion King: "Do you want the short list or the long?"

      Good question!

      Delete
  47. How did you come up with the name, "A Beer for the Shower"?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While having a beer in the shower? Wait, that's too easy...

      Delete
  48. How did you come up with the name, "A Beer for the Shower"?

    ReplyDelete
  49. What would life be like for you if you were chicks?
    Brianna and Brendalina?

    What would you write about then?

    Do you think your blog could possibly be as hysterical as it is now?
    Would it have a new title such as A Candle for the Bathtub?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at you, making us question whether our gender has made us more successful. This is a fun one. Stay tuned for the adventures of Brianna and Brandi!

      Delete
  50. Wow, some decorating has been done, as you now have new wallpaper. I like it. hmm..now for a question. Well, I am a dreamer and I believe dreams are connective to many aspects of our daily life.

    Have you ever had a dream experience that has lead you to an idea for a post? Would you be willing to share that dream? Come now don't be shy sit around the fire and share your story...I'll even drum for you..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a great question, and we'd answer it even without the drum. But the drum definitely helps.

      We'll answer this soon, but until then, a fun fact: they say creative people tend to dream a lot. Or more vividly. But my dreams usually suck. They're very vague, or mundane, or uninteresting. I've never flown, never had an epic battle, never even had a sex dream. And I have no idea what that means or what's wrong with me.

      Delete
    2. That is a true fact - creative people are indeed dreamers, what never flown in a dream or sprouted some wings, no epic battle with dragons, no sex dream. Everyone dreams the issue is that some do not remember their dreams. They have trouble re-calling them. When I have an epic dream I usually wake up and write it all down. I have dream journals and let me just say they are full of adventure. If someone were to read them they would wonder what I was on..haha

      Have a great weekend - and if you can think it you can dream it...tell us what you would like to dream about?

      Delete
  51. Your house catches on fire. What's the one thing you grab before running and sobbing like children?

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    1. Are people and pets accounted for in this question? Because if I answer "I grab my dog" and then it turns out my wife burns to death, well, that's kinda jacked up.

      Delete
    2. Okay, let's assume that anything living can get out on its own. Your wives can grab something too.

      Delete
  52. Bryan/Brandon,

    As professional married writers, who both clearly have the respect of hundreds of readers and usually command a high level of decency and respect within each weekly posting.......

    Would you rather sleep with your wife's body knowing Brandon/Bryan's mind was inside or Bryan/Brandon's body knowing that they had your wife's mind (:

    Hoping you answer, love your usual brilliantly funny replies (does flattery get me everywhere?)

    Ethan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're contractually obligated to answer (Internet law - Roe v. Grumpy Cat) but we'd answer this even if we weren't. Is it weird to say that we only wish we'd been asked more fucked up questions like this one? So thank you! This is gonna be a lot of fun to answer.

      Delete
  53. I read all of the comments and all of the questions. I think you might have enough blog material there for months. So, I'm going to do you a favor and NOT ask you a question. At least not here. I'll email my MANY MANY MANY questions.

    I love the new look of the blog. And I can't wait to hear the stories behind the cartoons in your header.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. E-mail away! After counting, we now have 102 questions, so... we're gonna be busy. Very, very busy.

      Delete
  54. Ok so since it's April Fool's Day, I want to know what is the best/worst practical joke you have played on someone or someone has played on you.

    I love the new blog set up. It looks great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Great question, especially on a day like today. You might be surprised to hear that we're not huge pranksters. BUT... we do still have an answer for you. Till next time!

      Delete
  55. When you have a beer in the shower is it just Bryan and Brandon in the shower or are the wives there, too?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow, how many people do you think can fit in one shower? Let's just say there's a lot of sitting on shoulders. And the wives have really strong backs.

      (Real answer coming soon to a blog near you)

      Delete
  56. Replies
    1. Hey.. that wasn't a question. :(

      But oh yeah, thanks for featuring us today! That was quite awesome of you!

      Delete
  57. Okay, so I read all the questions so far. And I have a lot of questions too.
    1) are you bored by non creative people? Are your wives and friends also creative people? Do you find yourself judging all the mundane folk out there with boring accountant or IT jobs?
    2) if you were forced to study something as abstract as microbiology or engineering or if you had to work a terribly boring job, how would you work your way around it? How would you still manage to be the amazing writers that you are? A simpler way to put this question would be how would you balance between the things you want to do and the things you have no choice but to do?
    3) your worst boss? Or the teacher you hated the most? The story surrounding that person.
    4) we know a lot of people you hate, so someone you admire? And why you admire that person?
    5) I'm asking way too many questions, but your opinions on YouTubers/vloggers? And also would you ever make vlogs?
    6) your favorite people on the Internet?
    I'm going to stop before this turns into some kinda 21 questions thing, albeit an entirely different kind. P. S: I love the long comment cat. Gemma. :)
    Thanks for the AUA post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, thanks! I figure it only natural that Gemma be the gatekeeper to the comments.

      And those are some fantastic questions. I'm kinda surprised that no one had asked those yet. We're looking forward to answering those... and yes, we appreciate it not being 21 questions! We already have well over 100 questions asked of us and when we started this, we did not imagine we would be answering that many. We'll definitely be at this for a few weeks. Stay tuned for more than you could have ever possibly wanted to know about us - part 1 of 47!

      Delete
  58. Wow! This post fits right in with my first A to Z post which includes my Battle of the Bands song "Ask Me No Questions".

    What I'd kind of like to know is how you create your pictures and then get them on the blog, but I won't ask that since it would probably be highly technical complicated and artistic stuff that I wouldn't understand anyway so I won't ask that one. I mean, if you want to do some kind of serious explanation about it that would be cool, but you'd probably just turn it into something comic and then I'd really be confused.

    So that leads me to another question: Are you guys ever serious?

    And here's another: Can I use some of your questions for my "Ask Arlee" feature that I sometimes do on my blog on Wednesdays? I'll be running out of questions soon and that would save me the time of putting up another call for questions that would not be in anyway as artistically creative and funny as your current call for questions.

    Do you get annoyed when commenters leave excessively long comments especially when they ask a lot of questions?

    Since there were so many comments to read and I didn't read everything that came before my question, did anyone ask any of my questions yet?

    I guess I'm done here. Unless you leave a response that provokes more questions from me. Once you get me started, I don't know when to stop.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please, take any of these questions for yourself. There's well over 100 of them now, so you've got plenty to pick from. What did we get ourselves into?

      Since you didn't technically ask, I'll just answer it here. I promise the background behind these cartoons is neither technical nor all that interesting. I open up MSPaint, the standard drawing program that comes on any Windows computer, and I just draw. Everything is done by hand. After doing this for 4 years I guess I've just kinda gotten 'good' at it so they don't take as long as they used to it. I can even (kinda) draw hands now! From memory!

      Your remaining questions: good ones, and we look forward to answering those next week. Or the week after that. Or the week after that. This is gonna be a LOOOONG series of posts... what did we get ourselves into?

      Delete
  59. Do either of you watch Star Trek or Star Wars and if so which is your favorite and why?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's the one where Gandalf uses his magic staff to defeat the Time Lords, right?

      ...Just wanted to give you a little heart attack. Thanks for the question, and expect an answer some time soon!

      Delete
  60. Hello Brandon and Bryan- I'm Beverly! Stopping by from Alex's who featured you today! Never been here before but enjoying your humor so far. I'm not good at asking questions, but I'll give it a go:

    What are your favorite cartoon characters and why?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well hello there! Is the answer "we are" too lame and egocentric? I suppose it is... real answer coming soon to a blog post near you. Thanks for the question!

      Delete
  61. Late to the party, as usual. In fact, I missed commenting on the last blog bit altogether, but I did read it and shall for ever after refer to Bryan as 'Short Bus Boy'.

    Now for a question or two;

    Brandon - Who don't you ever vote on my BOTB, eh? I'll even let you guys 'double up' (YIKES!) and cast both votes in one comment.

    SBB (Shot Bus Bryan) and Brandon - When is that 'Slim Dyson' movie gonna get made. I loved that story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SBB... I like that! It makes me want to put on my helmet and drown in a bowl of soup.

      Can we answer your questions here? Since, you know, we're up to about 120-something now (and they're quick answers). BOTB - if you want double trouble, you'll get double trouble! That's easy enough. The King is usually available by request. (Think Fat Elvis, not young Elvis, uh huh uh huh)

      As for Slim... I wish that movie would get made. I really do. Our director was a lazy dickbag who essentially didn't want to show up to the set and press 'record' on his camera since we literally did EVERYTHING else. Maybe one day we'll find someone we can work with that'll turn that story into a movie. We both think it'd be an awesome film.

      Delete
  62. Hi, nice to meet ya'll. I popped over from Alex's blog and so glad I did. What an entertaining blog. You have a new follower. Since I am new, I assume the risk of asking dumb questions and questions you've answered a thousand times in the past. Hope not. Here goes .
    1. Your photos will be on the next America's Most Wanted Posters. What crime are the two of you accused of?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey there Melissa! That's not a dumb question at all. Or one we've been asked a ton of times before (I hope no one would think we're lifelong felons...). Better to be on a Wanted Poster than a milk carton I always say.

      Stay tuned for the answer!

      Delete
  63. Were you two the class clowns? Did you often get sent to the principal's office?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh wow, there's a really funny story to answer your questions, and I hope we give them the answers they deserve, because let's just say that one of us was on the principal's shit list for the most ridiculous reason you can imagine.

      Delete
  64. Please still become a fire truck. Nothing would excite me more than to see this dream come to fruition or at least a solid attempt at it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, I'd like to try to make this come true, but I also don't want to have firemen riding me. Or grabbing my hose. These are the kinds of things you don't think of when you're a kid.

      Delete
  65. I don't have a question, but it looks like you have plenty already. Should be one hell of a blog post when you answer them. The new blog looks good. No blog with an angry uterus pictured can be bad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vagina dentata has nothing on being devoured by an angry cow monster.

      Delete
  66. I'm happy I made it on time! I also tried to look through all the comments, but they're so many I'd rather leave that to you guys. I have serious questions, please ignore any repeats.

    Out of the books you've written, (either separately or together) which was (were) the most fun to write?
    Which of your books are you most pleased with, post-writing?
    Do either of you have any projects with promise you've left for later, or grown tired of?
    Have you either considered ghostwriters? What do you think of the concept as an aid to writers similar to you guys?
    If you could take one massive fajita-night dump on just one book, which book would that be?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww yeah, killer questions! And no, none of those are repeats. We didn't get a lot of questions about our actual writing, but I think these definitely make up for that. Eager to answer these and be all (gasp) serious for a moment.

      Sincerely,
      Our comment ghostwriter Habib

      Delete
  67. This comment is at 8:52 pm on the 5th so I STILL GET TO ASK YOU A QUESTION and my question is:

    If you could ask yourself one question, what question would you ask yourself?

    *GOD I'M SO HIGH RIGHT NOW*

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    1. OH COME ON MAN WE THOUGHT THIS WAS OVER AND WE BREATHED A SIGH OF RELIEF AND THEN YOU ASK ONE MORE, LAST MINUTE, WHILE HIGH?

      ...Alright, alright. Well played, sir. Well played. We'll answer your question... by asking ourselves a question.

      Delete