They were known as "The Others," and they haunted the basement like a mutant tribe of subterranean trailer trash that one would expect to find living on the set of The Hills Have Eyes.
The hauntings were subtle at first. Brandon noticed it slowly, when things like his beer started to go missing from the refrigerator with no real explanation of where it went.
And then came the terrible smells, the ones that finally convinced Brandon something eerie was definitely afoot in his girlfriend's basement.
Slowly and with more regularity, The Others began to venture upstairs, emptying piggy banks for chewing tobacco money and leaving stains and messes throughout the house like any bold poltergeist eventually does.
They requested loans and rent extensions, and instead of paying important things like "bills" they spent every single dime of their paychecks on idiotic things like stacks and stacks of flavored air in a can. No, really, they bought an entire pallet of the stuff, because once you've had Strawberry Green Tea Flavored Air you really can't go back to that boring regular air that stupid plants give off.
So Brandon did what any good child of the eighties would do; he moved on in and channeled his inner Ghostbusters, scaring those nasty moochers off for good.
In the end, The Others left the same way they arrived: in the middle of the night, by way of a dilapidated minivan with an expired United States Terr'rist Hunting permit stuck on the window, and a month of unpaid rent owed. And even if Brandon's now-wife is out some money because of it, it's still worth it just to have them gone once and for all.
Only Satan knows what poor soul that devilish family now haunts, but rest assured, they'll never trouble the Meyers household again.
Anyone else ever been 'haunted' by terrible roommates?
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Beer: Maker's Mark, because someone stole all the goddamn beer
Music: The Pretty Reckless