Monday, January 12, 2015

I, Cat Lady

Hey, guys - Bryan here - and I have a confession for you all today. I hope you're sitting down for this. If not... stop standing at your computer. It looks stupid.

So here it is. I am not what I appear to be. No, I'm not two midgets standing on top of each other in a raincoat. I'm actually a crazy cat lady disguised as a young (ish) dude. See, ever since the tender age of 10, my parents and I have had a habit of taking in stray and unwanted cats that were dumped off in our neighborhood. And during all those years I lived with my parents, we took in a grand total of 11, one of which is still alive and well in my parents' backyard.

I thought I escaped the cat lady life, but just like the thug life, it follows me wherever I go. Once I moved out and got married, the wife and I adopted a cat of our own, one that had been burned in a fire (she looks fine now) and took years of patience to get her to trust people again.

Yes, I'm a glutton for punishment.

And yet, it seems that still wasn't enough, because I've added one more to my number of ridiculously adopted creatures, and further cemented myself as this century's Doctor Dolittle. I've befriended hawks, I've taken in baby snails, and as of last week, I've taken in a bengal. The housecat, not the tiger or the football team, but don't tell her that. She's convinced that she's a linebacker of a tiger trapped in a 2.8 lb body.


This wee one was originally a (very stupid) Christmas present for a small child. See, apparently the family bought this cat - which was the result of crossbreeding a housecat with an Asian leopard, mind you - thinking it was just going to sit there like a cute little doll and never do anything.





So, no kidding, they gave her up... just three days after Christmas. Three damn days, and she was already kicked to the curb and listed on Craiglist. So like the closeted cat lady that I am, I took her in. She's feisty, she's clumsy, and she's very affectionate, and I genuinely can't understand why anyone would give her up. Then again, I can't understand why anyone would give up any animal like that.

Which brings us to the topic of today's post (sorry, it's not endless pictures of the new cat being goofy... this is a comedy blog, after all, and not the entire rest of the Internet). There are some people who have to give up their pets for genuine reasons - health, moving, aggressive behavior, what have you - and then there are the assholes who abandon their animals because of stupid, selfish reasons. And taking in our new cat reminded me of a time, long ago, when I may or may not have made a child explode into tears because of the latter.

Once upon a time (6 years ago) I was in line at the grocery store, and the woman in front of me was buying kitten stuff with her son - litter box, tiny collar, kitten food, etc. So the cashier said...


And without flinching, the little boy said...



The boy, who couldn't have been more than 6-7, said this like it was just the most normal thing in the world; the cat turns 2 years old, and you get rid of it. And even though the cashier looked like this...


And behind them, I looked like this...


...Mom just kept rattling on and on about how exciting it was to get rid of their "old" cat and replace it with a new kitten that would invariably grow up to receive the same treatment.


I don't know which made me angrier, the woman's indifference to throwing away a perfectly healthy young cat, or the way her kid had just come to accept this as a regular part of life, but either way, I saw red. And without thinking twice, I said something equally fucked up to the little boy.




And then, I made sure to stare the mom in the eyes as I said...


The kid... went absolutely ballistic. I mean, we're talking about that ugly cry that involves a river of snot.


He started bawling, and asking his mother a slew of questions like where she was going to take him and if he'd ever see her again, and she stared daggers at me while she dragged him and her new purchases away.


I have no idea what happened after that, but I'd like to think that what I said still comes up in mom's therapy sessions to this day.

And while it probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation, I don't regret it, either. I can only hope that those two felt, even just for that one moment, the same pain their cats feel when they're ripped out of their home and dumped off at the pound like yesterday's garbage.

So ultimately, even if I'm destined to be a damn cat lady, I look forward to giving my new cat the happy life she deserves. One where she will always be loved, and will always be treated with patience, and will never be cast aside once she gets too big and too old to be considered 'cute.'

Her name is Gemma, because she's a badass bitch like Katey Sagal on Sons of Anarchy

She looks like this right before she does her impersonation of an Alien facehugger

Even my cat facepalms my stupid decisions

Gemma's dad (20 lbs), captured here in between eating Labradors

I look forward to never accomplishing anything at my computer ever again

Cheers and stay classy, fellow cat ladies,
Bryan (and Brandon)

Beer: Lagunitas Pils
Music: Porcupine Tree




154 comments:

  1. What is wrong with some people? It's a living creature, not an object. i would've been tempted to say the same thing to that woman. What a terrible thing to do to an animal.
    Gemma is cute for a face hugger.
    And you were done writing anyway, right?

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    1. Sure, the facehugger's cute now, but when she reaches her full 8 feet and gets her second mouth and starts eating humans in outer space, people aren't gonna be saying she's so cute. But I, as a responsible adult, am willing to keep her and put up with it.

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  2. Even though you said this site isn't the rest of the internet, I'm afraid that this post is a ploy to integrate into the rest of the internet by including cute cat pictures and writing an entire post about how you're a hero to the cat community. Damn, this is clever. I need to adopt a cat for the pictures, maybe dress it in some funny hats, paste those pictures all over my blog, then euthanize that lil' scratch machine. I have learned nothing from this post...or I couldn't resist a tasteless joke after all of that.

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    1. Pssh, you don't even need to adopt one. The above post was made entirely with stock photos that I carefully manipulated to give the appearance that I have a cat, when really, that's just a green screen and a potato, followed by 100 hours of photoshop.

      Which is still SO much easier than caring for a hyperactive kitten.

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  3. >>... And while it probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation, I don't regret it, either.

    Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?
    That was the PERFECT way to handle the situation!

    Now, how'd you get that scar above your left eye?
    Get too close to a Bengal tiger?
    Lose a cat-fight to another cat lady?

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. I lost a fight with a cat lady's coffee table. Does that count? I was running around and the damn thing just came out of nowhere. And no, I wasn't drunk, I was just 2 years old. Well... maybe I was also drunk. It was a long time ago, so I don't remember what I was drinking at the time. I can barely remember what I drank last week. That's why we list our beer of the week, don't you know?

      (What'd we drink 3 days ago? OHHHH... right)

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  4. I'm a crazy cat lady too. I have 6 that were all found abandoned in various places. Their sad stories melted me and I had to give them a home. Mine don't face hug, but they do want to ride around the house while sitting on my shoulder. One day I have to get a picture of it. Id be a crazy Shih Tzu hoarder too if my dog actually liked other dogs. But, it is my goal to one day start a rescue organization for Shih Tzu's. I couldn't think of a better way of handling it. I can't wait until that bitch gets old and her son tosses her out. That really makes me mad.

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    1. Even a Shih Tzu? Where does it end?

      Actually, I should mention I also have 4 dogs that I rescued, and for having that many animals, my house is not a madhouse, nor does it smell like a farm. We have three floors, so it's easy to keep everyone separated and happy.

      I have a Shiba Inu, an Italian greyhound, a chihuahua, and even... a miniature poodle. Which, against my better judgment, I've come to not hate.

      So in other words, I scoff at you having a Shih Tzu, but really, if one needed my help I'd probably take it in too. I'm a sucker for small, helpless animals.

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    2. I only have 1 level but its all hardwood and tile so its easy to handle all the hair. Its also a plus that Shih Tzu's don't shed. Mine isn't a mad house either except for a few hours in the evening, when they run the length of the house at top speed. That's the time I think I should sell tickets to the cat races. The cats are really lazy and just want to lay in the windows all day. I'm sure from the outside people think I have a zoo.

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  5. lmao oh the child so deserved the wake up call. Anyone to teach their kids such things deserves to rot in hell.

    She is going to be quite the handful indeed as Orlin is a Savannah, basically the same thing, wild cat through and through. More like a dog than a cat actually. But tons of fun to have around and they are very loyal to.

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    1. Oh wow, I had no idea Orlin was a Savannah. That's awesome. And yes, they are great cats, aren't they? When I heard from this woman that the kitten was an "absolute nightmare," I was prepared for the worst... but really, she's just like a little dog. Follows me everywhere, always happy to see me, very energetic... isn't that a good thing? I mean, I once gave my other cat a different canned cat food and she hid under the bed for a full day. Cats are awesome, but I can do without some of that 'catty' behavior in this one. It's a nice change.

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    2. haha yeah my other follows me some, but she is rather prissy and only wants to be touched when she wants it. The only thing I find with the wild cat breeds is they are very very picky eaters(as far as cat food goes, human food they'll eat anything). And watching a cat play in water like a dog is a little weird, especially when they get wet and shake off right in your face. Good things indeed as energetic they are, some people are just morons. I saw one giving away a bengal a while ago because it meowed too much and she needed sleep. Idiots.

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    3. Yeah, it's not even just cats. Brandon got his dog because the previous owner was going to put her down. She growled at his kid. So instead of giving her up, he was going to put her down. Thankfully Brandon rescued her. To this day she still flinches when people move too fast. Or talk loudly. Poor thing.

      I wish we could put down people.

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    4. Now, don't forget O'Leary's patented Assassination Kit or O'Leary's patented body disposal kit. People can be put down :0)

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    5. Forget the asshole that wanted to kill Brandon's dog, can we use one on Lady Lilith?

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    6. Oh I was at the vets on the 2nd, ugg to the bill, and a guy came in wanting to put down his dog. Oh it was a healthy dog and he put all the time training it and it is a great dog, but it doesn't get along with other dogs and my friend brought over another dog, I must have forgot about it not liking other dogs because they fought and the dog bit someone. So now I have to put it down. I have friends who said they take it and the shelter has space, but I refuse as I put all the work into training the dog and don't want to give it to anyone else. I want to put it down because I'm a big ass hole.

      I really had to bite my tongue as I listened to that crap, mainly because the guy was a good foot taller than me and dressed all gangster like. Such assholes in this world.

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  6. She's absolutely adorable. I can't understand why someone would want to give her away. And yet I'm plagued with visions of a house cat and a Bengal tiger trying to mate...anyway, away from that, I'm with you on the crazy cat lady thing. My dad said two is enough though. I got both my cats from my sister. The first one I got when she lived here for a while and the cat adjusted to the place and she saw how happy I was to have a cat, so said the cat could stay. The second time was kind of like Gemma's story. My sister got another cat and she jumped on my youngest niece while she was in her baby chair. Needless to say no one was harmed and the cat didn't mean to do anything but my sister freaked out and said I could have her. I don't know how old she was but she was just a kitten. We got her "fixed" before breeding age so she's still playful and jumpy unlike the first cat who disappeared for a week and came back with a look on his face that said "You won't believe how much pussy I've gotten this past week. Pun intended." They stay hyper if you fix them early.

    Kudos on saying that to the kid. I only wish I could have been there to see his face. My sister (the one who gave me the cats) is actually like that with her kids and doesn't really try to hide it. She's said several times how much she loves babies and each child receives less attention the older they get. It's kinda sad but hey, I got two cats from her so I'm not going to complain. I hate people who just throw away animals for stupid reasons like the cat was too playful, or they didn't realise how much work it would be. That's especially true of dogs. Cat's aren't much work. I just feed mine three times a day and pet her a lot and she's happy as a cat in catnip.

    God damn this was a long comment.

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    1. Your sister sounds like my mother.. She actually did give me up when a younger kid was born, which is why her and I do not talk much.
      People like these should "be fixed" so they avoid spreading their own version of happiness.

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    2. I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. I hope you ended up with someone who loved you. My sister still loves all her children, but it's obvious that she favours the youngest and as soon as a new child was born, the last one got a lot less attention.

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    3. Polish - damn, that's harsh. This is why I hang out with animals.

      Mark - I actually have my toy poodle because of my careless brother in law. He didn't realize how much work dogs are (you know, that whole potty training thing). He spent God knows how much on this purebred poodle puppy, lost all patience when the dog peed on everything, didn't fix the dog until it was way too late, and then started bringing the dog over to our house so we could help housebreak him. One day... my bro in law just stopped coming back to pick him up. Seriously. Then about one month later, he came over with a friend and when introducing everyone pointed to the poodle and said, "And this is my sister's dog..."

      So that's how I got a fucking poodle.

      And this is why I don't mind taking in another cat, because she's already fixed (score!) and is already litter box trained. The worst thing I have to deal with in a day is making sure she doesn't chew on something she's not supposed to.

      Also... this is a long ass comment, too.

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    4. I find cats pretty easy to housetrain. At least I've never had any difficulty. There's just something about cat litter that makes cats think "This is where I need to pee." I know how hard it is to house train a dog and that's one reason I haven't gotten one and don't really intend to until I know I'm ready.

      It's also the reason I don't want to have kids for a number of years yet.

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    5. I think adding another cat to the household is also my way of putting off having kids for another couple of years, because I'd rather scoop a litter box than change a few years' worth of diapers ANY day.

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  7. I noticed you had cats in your post but no lesbians, which means it cannot be the perfect internet post.

    The cat looks pretty bad ass, though, so that almost makes up for it. Sort of puts Grumpy Cat to shame.

    The grocery store line story was great because it sort of encapsulates our ADD-fueled consumer culture. I'm sure I'm going to use it as an example of "what is wrong with this country" at some point.

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    1. By the way.... Naming that cat Gemma.

      Aren't you a LITTLE bit afraid she's going to stick a fork in the side of your wife's head?

      (I hope I didn't just ruin the series for somebody...)

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    2. Are lesbians still relevant on the Internet? Well, I mean the part of the Internet that isn't porn? I feel like funny cat videos have run them out of town.

      And I'm not so worried about her stabbing my wife in the head with a fork, but if she does, I'll probably take her out in the back yard and shoot her in the head. It's okay, though, because it's what she will want. This is what we do, baby.

      (The series has been over for, what? A whole month now? Fair game I say!)

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  8. Dang I wish I took your advice about sitting. After seeing that last picture I totally fell off my treadmill desk, where I do all of my work drinking kale smoothies. And lie with wild abandon. That cat, in my professional opinion, is the shit. My niece told me these were a thing, and we spent way too much time looking at them on the internet. The first thing most pages explain is that these are WILD ANIMALS, just in case anyone has let that part of their brain turn to Jello watching The Bachelor. That lady in the store, HOLY BALLS! That can't be legal, can it? What does she tell people when she dumps them off? Or does she just throw them out of the car on the highway? I am not a cat person, or a "good person" but that sounds shitty even to me. I would have gotten her license plate and given it to PETA. Keep those people busy and give her something to think about it. She needs a robot kitty that will never get any older or ever die. Or the Cocoon spaceship to come visit her house.

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    1. Holy shit, did you just make a Cocoon reference? I think it's time to ship us BOTH off to the retirement home. You, for making it, and me for understanding it. :(

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  9. I love your little fierce Gemma!
    My current unplanned baby cat (3 years old now) my son digged out of garbage. Literally. Baby and his 2 still blind sisters were crying in garbage and hat is how we ended up with him. Sisters found homes, this little terror joined our home, much to my older cat's dismay. Older cat passed away late last year, so naturally we are eyeing a stray living outside on our block and plotting how to catch her to make her a housecat.
    You've done good, my catlady apprentice. You've done good.
    :-)

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    1. Literally thrown in the garbage? Ugh, people suck.

      It's been a long time since I've had to plot catching a stray. But once we move out of this townhouse and into a house with a real backyard, I'm sure I'll be right back to that. My personal favorite was always the laundry basket propped up with a stick.

      Hey, it looks stupid, but it works!

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  10. I hate people like that. I remember seeing some kind of movie when I was little about a puppy that was kicked out of the house without a proper home set up because the little boy didn't like his Christmas present of a new dog.

    I thought it was heartless, and hearing stories like that in real life just makes me lose a lot of faith in humanity.

    And there was no better way to handle that situation. I have no sympathy for the mom and her little brat.

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    1. You know, I never know how people are going to react to things when I post them, but often, I just say fuck it and do it anyway. This was one of those times. I thought there was a good chance people would think I was being too harsh on the kid. Glad to hear that wasn't the case, because as I said, I don't regret it for a second, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

      Also, I wish people would realize that animals are not Christmas presents. It's a living thing and a major household decision, not a prepackaged gift. Imagine if you were opening presents and pulled a newborn baby out of a box.

      "Merry Christmas, Adam! I got you a Puerto Rican baby! Isn't it cute?"

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    2. all I can say is that better not be a re-gift

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  11. I have 14 chipmunks and 11 squirrels... it might be nice to have a cat... but you know how that would turn out, right? The chipmunks own the patio, the squirrels monopolize the gazebo...I guess I could share the house...but what about my pet salamander, Ruthie? She's expecting babies? At least I think so,as I glimpse her go from room to room. I haven't been able to catch her... she's a bit fast.

    The lady across the street feeds all of the wild cats. I think that's why my current creatures have increased in population. Oh wow, I feel like I'm writing, "Dear Abby."

    I don't think I can have a cat yet. Sorry.

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    1. Back when I was living with my parents and we took in all of those strays, we had squirrels. Had. If you ever want to ruin a kid's childhood, start screaming that there's a dead squirrel in the yard, and one of the cats is trying to rip it apart, and then throw them a pair of gloves and a trashbag and tell them to go get it because it's too gross and she just can't even look at it.

      Thanks for that one, mom. That was the best 13th birthday I ever had.

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    2. "I mean, why else would you "read" this post and NOT want a cat...?"
      I hope I didn't offend you. When I read this I wondered, even though it was posted to someone else. Because I rescue birds. I didn't mention it because I got caught up in the salamander thing. So I'm sorry.

      I had a cat and he was hit by a car. Had a dog hit by a car. Bad street? Who knows?

      I don't know if I'd have spoken to the child or not. It would have angered me to have heard that they were tossing the kitty away. Stupid people.
      Thanks.

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    3. Ha! I'm not offended at all! You know why I posted that part to Lady Lilith? Because she has a habit of coming around here and posting mindless comments, in which she clearly didn't read a word of the post. This was, yet again, one of those times. Without reading a single word of the post, she assumed putting something 'cutesy' like her not wanting to get a cat now would indicate she read the post (because often times we're jerks that make fun of our topic). But it actually backfired miserably, because the whole post was slamming people who needlessly get rid of cats. Post = not read.

      And if you're wondering about my first reply to her, I've decided that instead of even wasting the time to reply to her I'm just going to copy and paste the first thing that comes to my head. This week was the Declaration of Independence. The week before that it was a cookie recipe my wife was looking at.

      We like to have fun with trolls around here, and I don't care if you like cats, have cats, want cats, etc. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion and their own wants around here, and having a differing opinion or want never offends us. That's America! If you don't believe me, just read the Declaration of Independence as posted below. ;)

      Lady Lilith, never change. It's so fun making fun of you every week knowing you'll never come back to read it.

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    4. I did see the recipe and wondered. made a copy.

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  12. Lol. I am getting second thoughts about getting a pete cat :)

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    1. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

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    2. I figured I might as well. I should also add that I love that this post makes her NOT want to get a cat. So that means she's one of the assholes that would get rid of one for being too old? Or can't put up with a kitten and would give it up? I mean, why else would you "read" this post and NOT want a cat...?

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    3. If she had actually read the post.....

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  13. That is the greatest single post you've ever written. Seriously. I love you more than I can say. If you really did say that to the woman & her son, I applaud you, I commend you, I think you are brilliant. I cannot understand giving up any pet for any reason (particularly moving). It's bullshit. You adopt a pet you take on responsibility for the rest of the pet's life. If they have behavioural issues, it's because some other asshole screwed them over. Deal with it.

    Rant over. Have never heard of a Bengal cat but she's a beauty. Thanks for a heartwarming post with good suggestions for shaming ruthless people.

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    1. Yes, I really did say that in a Safeway 6 years ago. I don't make things like that up, and while I'm normally a pretty quiet person, I also have a short temper and am outspoken in situations like that... soooo... true fucking story.

      And yes, I've adopted all of my animals for life. The only way you can get these things away from me now is by prying them from my cold, dead hands. Even then I'm not entirely convinced I wouldn't just reclaim them from the grave.

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  14. Oh. Oh my word. Gemma has got to be the most gorgeous cat I've ever seen! If that cat was a human, she'd be [Insert name of perfectly beautiful human specimen here]! No joke! And I can totally tell that she's a badass. I mean, look at that intense glare of impending death! It's not a matter of IF she's going to attack a person and claw them to death. It's a matter of WHEN! (Um, by the way, the comment about her dad mugging for the camera between eating Labradors gave me an actual chuckle.)

    It's always pissed me off that people think they can treat pets like...shirts. If it doesn't fit, they just give it away. Jerks. If you're not sure that you really want that animal in your house, don't get one! I cannot BELIEVE what that woman was teaching her child about cats! Two years and then they give it away and get a new kitten? That's awful! People like that shouldn't be allowed to procreate!

    I can easily accept your cat lady tendencies, so long as you take proper care of those animals and keep your house clean. You don't want to end up like one of those people who live in squallor, hiding mummified cat corpses in their closets. But your wife should be able to keep you in check. I hope.

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    1. Thankfully I live in a 3 floor townhouse, so it makes having animals easy. The dogs are penned off on the second floor. The cats hang out on the third floor. Everything is totally clean, and smells great (not like piss, or wet animal, or the piss of a wet animal).

      Squalor? Mountains of knickknacks from 1984? A closet full of cat hair-covered sweaters? Not in THIS cat lady's house!

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    2. Well, you have successfully dispelled any reservations I may have had. I think there's a pretty good children's story in this. A 3-Storied house, with cats on the 3rd floor, Dogs on the 2nd floor, and the people mainly occupying the 1st floor.

      "Once upon a time, there was a guy named Bryan. He really loved beer. And cats. And dogs. And beer...."

      See? This stuff writes itself!

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    3. One correction: the people live on the 3rd floor. You know, with the cats. The indoor plants live on the first floor. I am a hippie, after all, but I'm a cat lady first and foremost.

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  15. I love this. I mean it's terrible that there are parents out there teaching their ids to be like this so that their kids can do the same until their kind stop reproducing, but I love this confrontational lashing. Absolutely beautiful. And Gemma is too! I thought those cats would be too expensive to just give away.

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    1. She paid over $1,000 for her, and tried to guilt trip me into reimbursing her, but I told her that was her problem, not mine. She had tried reselling the cat and had no bites, and was just desperate to get rid of the little thing. Her kid (God bless kids) cemented it by saying, "Look how good he is with her! He knows all about them, too. He'd be good for her."

      Never underestimate the power of rich idiots with too much money and not enough knowledge.

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  16. Well, at least the idiot was taking the cat to a shelter rather than abandoning it.

    I think it's funny-after the last kitten I had I don't know that I have the patience to go through that any more. I prefer them at a year when they calm down a bit.

    Has little Gemma discovered the fun of attacking your feet while you sleep?

    I will say that the kitten made life for my older cat gravy. The kitten died young (2 yrs) from some sort of neurological problem, and I felt guilty for yelling at him for things like attacking my feet and other normal kitten behavior.

    So now Rocky (the seven year old) pretty much can do whatever the heck he wants.

    And he knows it.

    And he exploits it.

    I've actually thought of getting a kitten again, but I think Rocky likes being an only cat.

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    1. Funny, Rocky is actually the name of the wildebeest you see above (Gemma's dad). It's short for "Rocky Mountain High."

      She does attack my feet while I sleep, and she does it gently and without claws/teeth, so I don't mind it. The wife yells at me and says I shouldn't let her get away with it, but... it's cute? I'm with you, I try not to scold over typical kitten behavior. Life is too short to worry about the small things and to not giggle over a set of centimeter-long teeth poking gently at your extremities.

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    2. Agreed-I try not to let anything the cat does worry me. The couch actually takes on a western look when the sides are slashed to ribbons right?

      Checkenfoot was merciless on my feet-sleeping, sitting, wherever, he kind of treated them like he was a Navy seal and they were harboring Bin Laden.

      I could swear I head him yell "death from above" before he leapt...

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  17. You are a worthy son of the Great Goddess Bast. May She richly reward you.

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  18. Where to start, where to start. First off I'm going to say this may be my favourite post of yours. My other in the top five being the first story of your Hawk friend. Second, I'm a cat person and I LOVE to talk kitties. So this could get long..

    Gemma is gorgeous! Those photo's of her are fantastic, what a little devil and she has you wrapped right around her little paw. Her Daddy is a stunning creature. It will be interesting to see what her personality is like as she grows up. How much of the wild instinct will she have in her and how much of the domestic instinct she will carry. One of the things I'd like to know from you later is if she does what is called the "solicitation purr". It is a distinct purr that is used to solicit a human to give the cat food or affection. It's not the same sound as the purr you get after you've begun petting a cat or when it is just plain happy. Feral cats who have been domesticated never develop this purr (I have one and she doesn't display this behaviour). Also I wonder if Gemma will have a tremendous desire to hunt live game. My formally feral kitty has to hunt to be happy and she engages in opportunistic killing like a wild cat does. If allowed out of doors I wonder if Gemma would display appropriate hunting behaviours. Not like the ineffective behaviours displayed by my spoiled house cats. The cat geek in me needs to know answers to this and other questions (sorry).

    You did the right thing in the grocery store. Don't feel guilty as it's a valuable lesson that child needed to be taught. Someone should have taught that shite mother of his this lesson when she was little. I have a neighbor across the street who did the same thing to a kitty for the same reasons. I now own that kitty.

    I've also got this gorgeous purebred Maine Coon that someone wanted to euthanize because he was the runt of the litter and these arseholes didn't want to see this kitty pass on the genes of her "superior" show kitties to a less than perfect specimen lest it lessen her reputation as a breeder. I'm so glad we saved him as he's so loveable. But he's so massive that to hold him I have to sit in a chair to pet him.

    My once feral kitty, who I named Kitty Fang will only come to me. She is a Russian Blue.

    Thirty five years ago, the first stray Russian Blue came into my life. He was a huge kitty and I named him Bear. A year after he passed another stray Russian Blue showed up at my door. I named him Baby Bear. After he passed away a female Russian Blue showed up and I named her Feedback. She passed of old age. In less than a year another stray Russian Blue showed up on my patio. He was huge so I named him Piggy. Piggy lived sixteen years and died of heart failure due to old age. A year later, Kitty Fang, who is a Russian Blue showed up on my porch. For thirty five consecutive years, I've had a stray Russian Blue kitty in my life.

    We also have 3 dogs that were rescues. One is a full blooded lab who is my boy. One is a mixed breed coon and the other is a mixed breed boxer. Perfect dogs that no one wanted.

    I may have a serious problem as I've also adopted an unwanted child. I adopted my son when he was 8 because his addict mother died and his addict father wouldn't care for him. Neither of these arseholes families wanted him. He was a friend of my daughters so we adopted him. The father signed over his rights as parent without blinking an eye or losing a minutes sleep.

    Okay, that's it for now, but don't be surprised if I come back to chat more later :0)

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    1. Oh wow. Thanks for the kind words, and the awesome comment!

      My first cat was actually a stray Russian Blue. Long hair. I've seen only a handful of Russian Blues ever since, and only short hair. I also had a Maine Coon for a while. He was dumped off in our yard, but he immediately came to me and was friendly. That big guy (22 lbs, all muscle) was one of the best cats I ever had, and served as protector of the yard, fighting off raccoons that would try to steal the cat food.

      I had to Google solicitation purr, but as it turns out, Gemma DOES do this! I just thought she sometimes got a little squeaky/high pitched while purring. But it's a very distinctive, high pitched half meow/half squeak while purring that she does when we pet her and she wants more. I learned something today!

      I feel like she'd want to be a game hunter, but we won't let her. We live in a townhouse, so no yard for her to roam. Even so, some of the research I've done on bengals says you shouldn't let them outside if they're going to be an indoor cat. Since they're stubborn, part wild, and very adventurous, they'll never stop scratching at the door wanting to go back out, once they've tasted sweet, 'outdoor freedom.'

      I... am not even gonna lie, I could talk cats all day too.

      Delete
    2. They measured the frequency of the solicitation purr and the high end is identical to that of a human infant. We're built to respond to that cry so the kitty gets what it wants just like a baby. Everything I know about kitty behaviour I learned from documentaries, so it's not like I studied kitties in college :0) There are some great ones out there. I've probably seen them all.

      I can imagine that Gemma wouldn't want to stay in once she'd gotten a taste for the outdoors and fresh meat. And where you live there's no way to install a cat flap for her. If she went outside she'd probably scare the living hell out of the neighbors. Can you imagine the 911 calls coming in when people think they've seen a wild cat stalking the neighborhood.

      You have to promise to post updates on Gemma along with more photo's. I think it's pretty clear that this was a popular post. In fact kitties are so popular, you'd do more page views with this than if you had a baby :0)

      Delete
    3. Gemma's a hell of a unique cat with a very quirky personality, so I'm sure this is not the last we've seen of her around here! I'll definitely post updates. Give the people what they want, right? :)

      Delete
  19. What the fuck. Who even cross-breeds a wild cat with a house cat? Those things generally tend to need some "nothing less than special" treatment, attention, care, and bandaids for the owner. You don't give those away (sell? blegh) to random people, you sit 'em down for a cup of tea and a nice long chat a couple of times beforehand, to make sure they are responsible and can handle it all.
    Then again, it's not a 100% tiger, but the same principle applies. Good on you for taking her in, she looks like a beaut already.

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    1. Yeah, you know, it's kind of ironic. When you go to a shelter, they make you jump through all kinds of hoops to prove you can adopt an (essentially) unwanted housecat. But a "high-demand" exotic cat with special needs like a bengal will be sold by a breeder without a second thought. You have money - take it. I don't care.

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  20. You done good, Bryan! *pat on the back coming through the screen.
    How utterly pathetic that whole scene was - I'd have said the same - yup, verbatim. Why improve upon dastardly perfection.

    I'm godmother to a Bengal cat, named Eira. She was a rescue and needed lots of TLC to get her to the peaceful state she's in. She's now 10 - and still has the spunk and curiosity of a wee kitten. My friend, the rescuer - volunteers at a cat shelter - no one wanted this wee gal so she took her.

    Just thinking of that scenario makes my blood boil. I sure hope your words have resonated with that cow and her son (whom I hold less responsible - he's being taught this shit) over the last six years. If anything I think your words will stick to the kid - the young are impressionable and just thinking of being replaced may hold weight - let's hope anyway.

    This reminds me of a story, The Wooden Bowl, I read years ago. Children are perceptive - they get it.
    Let's hope the kid got it (one way or another - little double edged sword being swung around for effect).

    Great post!

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    1. Thank you! I hope they got it too. That even if they still gave up their 2 year old cat, that once their 'new kitten' got of age the boy finally had enough sense to ask WHY are we giving this one up, mom?

      (Great story, btw - The Wooden Bowl)

      I'm also amazed that a "designer" cat like the Bengal, like a new car, is only good off the showroom floor. After that, you can't even give them away. Why is that, I wonder?

      Delete
    2. There's something missing, it seems. Some folks (not all, like us, the cool people - the cat/dog lovers, we know who we are) don't seem satisfied with keeping it real, and simple.

      The number of designer dogs I come across while walking Miss Lu is disgusting, when so many dogs, (some of the best I might add) are just waiting to be adopted.

      But… so long as some folks (not us, remember) need to be "cool" and "in" and "hip" and doing what the Kardashians do - well, then there's really only a smidgen of hope - humanity is doomed.

      I hope we (you know who we are) become the rulers and then we'll see who's going to be waiting for adoption… I've actually been working on a list for some time. (naughty or nice, anyone).

      Delete
  21. Aw, what an endearing reason for lack of productivity. Gemma is adorable!

    Funny, but not really, as I started reading, and because I've worked for years in the adoptions field, I was thinking that some heartless people do the same with kids. They take them in for adoption, only to return them for a cuter, younger, less challenging kids. And many or most people who want to adopt are only interested in adopting a baby - as if the baby stage lasts forever and/or is less problematic, or whatever. It's stupid and selfish. So I'm glad you were bold enough to say what you did. It's a sad, realistic scenario. Hopefully, that kid is adjusting alright to his new home by now.

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    1. Okay, wait, that's a real thing? You can adopt a kid and then just trade them back in? That's absolutely disgusting. Just when I thought I'd heard it all...

      Also, the woman in this post was a little confused and actually dropped her kid off at the prison, not the orphanage. So I hear that while he's not very happy, he IS the leader of the Aryan brotherhood, so at least he's accomplishing something without his mother.

      Delete
    2. It's probably the most heartbreaking thing I've experienced as a social worker. To clarify a bit, it IS illegal to give a kid back after the legal adoption has gone through. BUT it has happened! Judges have allowed for it in select situations - the parent/s have loads of money to hire a lawyer and fight it. Before the adoption goes through, there's a period of time that's called fost-adoption (in CA, at least). I'm guessing all states have some period of time during which the child lives with the adopting parents in a "foster-adoptive" situation before the court hearing to finalize. By the time this period begins, though, there have - in theory - been many interactions and home-stays to be sure that the situation will be permanent. But I've been privy to two situations in which the adoptive parents rejected the kids. The more disgusting one was a couple who rejected the older, less cute brother AND the state adoptions worker was supporting them. I was the only one in that scenario (and there were a handful of professionals) arguing against this. I made enemies and the boys' lives were devastated. So yeah, very sad. At least it doesn't happen often.

      Sounds like that kid is on track to take over the world. Hopefully, he'll target his mother in a very non-cute way. You did good.

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  22. I fuckin' hate people who don't take care of their kids, their animals, each other, and themselves. And by doing any one of those things you're doing them all, ass wipes.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. This is why I hang out in a house full of animals. My animals take better care of each other than most people I know take care of their own kids.

      Delete
    2. Harper used to clean the other dogs' ears. With his tongue. Have you ever seen a person do that? Hell, no.

      Delete
    3. In dog language, that's a huge sign of respect. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure the last 10 people I encountered all gave me the middle finger. And I'm pretty sure only one of those was actually justified.

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  23. You're a good cat lady! I really don't understand some people. They have no business being pet owners!

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    1. People who've never had pets before just seem to think than an animal is a little doll that's going to sit there and look cute for your amusement. They certainly wouldn't do the same thing with kids.

      "I'd like to have a baby, but it can't cry, and it needs to be toilet trained straight out of the womb."

      Delete
  24. My inlaws have bengals. They paid a lot of money for them.
    I like what you told that lady. That is just horrible to do that. I hope when she gets old or sick her kid puts her in a home.

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    1. I hope she gets put in a home right now. And it's run by all of her old cats that she abandoned.

      But maybe that's just the Twilight Zone enthusiast in me.

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  25. Guys (and beloved cat-lady):
    Okay, I just HAVE to ge this out of the way beofre I need some Kleenex...
    AWWWWwwww......she's so CUTE!
    (like you haven';t heard that 85 times each day (well, she IS, dammit).

    LOVE the way you handled that "situation" in the store...Hell, I'd do the same thing.
    There are some people i the world who REALLY creep me out, and this woman (and her minion) are right down the alley STRANGE.
    Damn shame these weirdos don't ALWAYS wait until Halloween to roam about, do they?
    The cartoons are brilliant (as usual)

    Keep up the great work and give Gemma a hug from our 18-year old senior cat, named "Rassie"m who fums a lot of his treats.
    He misses his sister, who passed a little over a year ago.
    They were litter-mates & freebies from a stray that another cat lady took in.

    Stay safe out there.

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    1. And a big hug back to Rassie. My childhood cat just turned 17 years old, and she misses her own sister, who passed exactly 1 year ago at the whopping age of 20.

      Treat them well, and they'll live a long, happy life. I'd say yours are living proof of that.

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  26. I'm also glad you told that crazy woman off. Gemma is a real beauty, and you'll have fun watching her grow into a fierce guard cat! Loved the three most important words at the end!

    Julie

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    1. I look forward to having my own personal miniature tiger in the near future. Who needs a guard dog when you can have someone mauled by a 20 lb cat?

      Delete
  27. The way people take pets and treat them like fashion - in one year and out the other - drives absolutely nuts. Arghhhh....

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    1. Right? If you want a furry fashion accessory, get this. Don't get an animal!

      Delete
  28. I have a new dog that we got just a month ago because the owner decided she wanted a new puppy and this dog was just too happy and hyper. He's only 8 months old and she's had him for several months but just gave him to us. We found out later that her and her husband had kept him in a pen like a baby gate his entire life. Never even let him outside and they hit him...often for barking, whining jumping. Anything really. it's taken us time and patience to get him to trust us and I would have turned her in if she hadn't been fired from her job and moved away.

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    1. You know, it's heartbreaking to read stories like this, but it's also nice to see people like yourself that can take these animals in and give them the homes they deserve. You rock.

      Also, it takes a special kind of stupid to see a happy, hyper dog and say, "Look at how happy he is! And he barks! And he doesn't like being hit! ... We should hit him!"

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  29. Your Gemma is one of the most beautiful cats I've ever seen. (Shhh... don't tell my cats I said that!) I'm a life-long sucker for any kind of animal, but I especially have a soft spot for strays, so it infuriates me when people abandon their pets or dump them off somewhere like they're nothing more than garbage.

    What a terrible terrible thing for that woman to teach her son; I'm glad you spoke up. Let's hope your words woke them both up to what a cruel thing they were doing.

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    1. I don't know if anyone was particularly awakened or enlightened that day, but it sure felt satisfying. And thank you! I'm pretty damned fond of her, cuteness or not. She's purring in my lap right as I type this, and it's kind of heartmelting in the kind of way that should revoke my man card.

      Delete
  30. She deserved it.
    Although it probably didn't do anything in the long run.
    Sometimes, the short run is all that matters.

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    1. And sometimes, the short run is all the more satisfying. Especially if leads to the sweet, salty tears of children.

      Delete
  31. First, absolute standing ovation for how you handled that lady. Too bad the douche canoe will probably never debate the topic farther than, "How dare he, the nerve..."

    My Dad kicked off a long process of gathering strays by giving bowls of milk to a beautiful black-n-white tom. He introduced us to an equally beautiful calico mate. Both of them were too shy and too infrequent to be considered pets, but one day a daughter of theirs showed up. She was short haired to the front armpits, and long haired the rest of the way. She eventually moved into our garage... and soon she had two daughters. And while She (Mergatroid) and one daughter (Muffin) were good for two more kittens per litter, the other (Gypsy) became a baby factory, having five at a pop until she couldn't carry them to term any more. Some would stay, some would move on... and at least eleven of them followed me and the dog one day on a mile walk across a field to the nearest woods, where they all got scattered as we pursued a herd of deer. The sound of hidden meows ringing from a quarter-mile length of woods was magical. And yes, we got them all rounded up again eventually.

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    1. Heavens to Mergatroid! That's a lot strays! I... know that feel, from when I lived with my parents. We had a few 'baby factories' back there, too.

      Thank you for the standing ovation. You know, in stories like this, it always ends with that cheesy "and the cashier was clapping and people all around were applauding and cheering me on."

      ...Not in real life. No one else around was paying attention for shit, and the cashier did not look happy.

      What, was it something I said...?

      Delete
  32. Errmahgawwd the cuteness!
    What the heck is wrong with people? First, not wanting this kitty. And second, that horrible person at the supermarket...glad you said what you did. She had it coming. I'm allergic to cats, sadly, but even so I wouldn't be so cruel...I'd get meds, that's what they're for. No? :D

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    1. Fun fact: my dad was always really allergic to cats, and so is my wife. But if you bathe them regularly it's not a problem. Plus, you get 'immune' to it over time. My parents still have cats, and now I have my two, and not one sneeze is to be heard around either household...

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  33. Bravo to you for speaking your mind. Animal lovers are good people and I think it's great you took in Gemma. She's beautiful and I can't believe they got rid of her 3 days after Christmas. Maybe it acted like a cat and scatched or meowed? In that case...ooooh man, look out.

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    1. She also needs food and attention and poops in a litter box. Ugh. It's just miserable having to tolerate her.

      Delete
  34. Fellow cat lady here. First, SQUEEEEE to the kitty pictures.

    Secondly - WOW to the woman who gives up her cat. I got sad just thinking about doing that. How could I get rid of kitty? She's puuuurrrrfect. I need to go chase her down and hug her.

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    1. Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag. I'm a cat lady, too. And a fellow master of cat puns. I'm all about purrfection.

      (kill me)

      Delete
  35. I am also a crazy cat lady as I have eleven of the little fuzzballs. I am fairly well trained. Two have even taught me to give them insulin twice a day as well as take care of their daily kitty needs. I was sitting on the sofa in my robe one day when one spotted a one-eyed mouse and took deadly aim. She swatted it and it almost bled to death. I always wear underwear now.

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    1. Man, I'm glad we don't have mice here. Or squirrels. Or any of those other small furry creatures whose bloodied bodies would invariably litter my house like a carpeted battlefield.

      Delete
  36. Way to wield the metal folding chair of words/death, closet Cat Lady!! When you bring it, you pull no punches.

    So awesome that you brought Gemma in. She is adorable. (Loved all the cartoons, but like most internet users, it's the real cat pics that made me fall in love with the post.)

    Well played. I hope those bastards never get another cat again.

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    1. If I'd have known this was all it took to captivate the Internet I'd have given up on comics long ago. All cat pictures, all the time!

      ...On second thought, nah. But thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

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  37. I think you did exactly the right thing to the lady and her brat. She probably had no idea what she was doing was so fucked up.

    That is one nice looking kitty you got there. Just be careful before she goes all "face-hugger" on you. I think all kittens should come with a case of Bactine.

    Oh, and the look on Daddy cat is the perfect cross between irritation and disdain, which says, "I'm about to hit you with so many left paws, you're going to beg for a right."

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    1. I can't believe that one day that cute little thing is gonna be that big badass mountain lion lookin' motherfucker.

      ...I can't wait.

      And I have plenty of Bactine, but I make sure to discourage the facehugger behavior. After all, I don't want to go into public looking like a meth addict.

      Delete
  38. Holy crap. I was expecting this sweet and funny cat post. You know, cartoon cat antics with a cute pic of the real thing at the end. I was not expecting that horrible "we get rid of cats when they are two years old for a kitten" bullshit.

    I applaud you for saying something to the mother. I can imagine my migraine just notching up to the unbearable zone. Of course, that sometimes involved unstoppable vomiting. I guess that might have been a way to send a message, too. Literally throw up on someone. But, anyway, I hope that the comment caused the boy to think about what his mother was doing. Who knows? You might've caused that kid to begin thinking critically and not accepting everything the parents do as being "morally acceptable." I wish I could say that maybe you caused the mother to rethink it, but I doubt it. Some people simply don't possess a moral compass, so there's no hope.

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    1. Cute and fuzzy? What is this, Nickelodeon? You know us better than that!

      And you know, I don't hold out much hope, but a small part of me would like to think that at some point in his life the boy asked his mom 'So why do we give away our cat, anyway? What's wrong with this one?'

      Frankly, I'm just surprised the boy didn't get all attached and complain when mom wanted to ditch his kitty. But I guess when you're that young and all you can hear is "Look, new tiny kitten!" you don't think about those things... maybe?

      Delete
  39. Great thing to say. That kid needed to be taught a lesson anyway. She sure looks ready to tear through the house.

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    1. As long as she doesn't tear UP the house, she can tear through it 24 hours a day. And so far... does.

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  40. One of the things that frustrate sooo much is that just anyone can adopt any animal they want. And get rid of them or worse, abuse them, and then adopt another one the very next day if they want. It's insane. It's a sensitive issue, because my family regularly gets pets and gets rid of them when they get bored of them or the animal gets annoying by, you know, being an animal! Grrrrr. And now I want to punch that lady!!!

    But you saved my sour mood by putting up pictures of the cutest kitten ever!! What a beautiful coat. Love her!! Good job fellow cat lady :)

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    1. I know this sounds so lame, but who gets bored of a pet? Really? I still frequently visit my childhood cat at my parents' house. She just turned 17 years old, and she's still just as fun to spend time with as she was when we first got her.

      Delete
  41. Bravo, you cannot see me, but I am clapping. I wonder what makes some people tick animals are living creatures that deserve respect. Oh, how this breaks my heart and I wonder if either of them truly get "it". This is making my head spin they have no sense of loyalty to their animal friend.

    I have to say that kitty is beautiful and she will bring an aura of mystery into your home and lives. Cats are considered guardians of the home and if she gets as big as her daddy. Watch out..smiling..

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    1. As I mentioned above, I get that the mom was stupid, but I was very surprised that the boy didn't get attached to any of his kittens and ask why he couldn't keep them. Maybe after I upset him he did? I can only hope.

      Oh, and females don't get to be as big as males but I'm sure she'll still be quite the guard dog. Uh, I mean guard cat. She's already very protective of me and won't leave my side. :)

      Delete
    2. I do find that odd as most kids get attached to their pets, but perhaps they have done this more than once. Or since mommy said it was ok it was ok. I just don't get the whole mentality of the situation. A true lack of emotion I guess on their part.

      Delete
  42. Holy cow! You badass! I've never spoken to anyone like that, and if I did I would have felt woefully ashamed afterwards. But reading that, I got some sort of crazy thrill. I've had to place a pillow on my lap because my parents are around.

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    1. Man, I got the biggest thrill after that. Adrenaline rushing, heart pounding. It was pathetic. This is how little I speak up. I'm pretty sure I went home and ran 10 miles just to burn it all off.

      Delete
  43. You lucky son of a bitch.

    I was looking into adopting a Bengal but they're way too expensive. Also, I'm poor. I was also looking into the cats that look like werewolves. Because awww.

    If you ever need a cat sitter, I volunteer. Fuck, I might pay you to let me borrow your cats. I'm not kidding.

    Don't even get me started on the bitches who get rid of animals like that. I won't be able to stop ranting for about an hour.

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    1. It's expensive even to adopt a Bengal? I guess I lucked out with this woman's frustration. I know a few other people have posted about Bengals that people couldn't even give away. I guess it just depends on timing and where you live.

      Hey, if you're ever in the area and want to see the animal farm you're more than welcome. It's always an adventure. Like, as I type this, she's attacking my arms, because she thinks I'm playing with her. It's annoyingly adorable in every way.

      Delete
    2. My boyfriend wants to go up to Colorado some time so I might just take you up on that offer. Don't worry, I'll bring beer.

      Delete
    3. In all of our years of blogging, with all of the blog friends we've made, we've still never met any of our fellow bloggers in real life... yet. And we've really wanted to. It would make a damn fine post.

      Delete
  44. I was gonna say cute cat but then I found out it eats Labradors. Bad Kitty, Bad Kitty!
    Really though that is a neat cat. We rescued ours a few years ago. He has been a great cat. He plays with the dogs. Chases them around, jumps on them and grabs at them from under the coffee table. So funny!

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    1. I hope Gemma is like that with our dogs. The other cat wants absolutely nothing to do with them. As for me, I just wanna watch a cat kick a little chihuahua's ass.

      Delete
  45. Wow! That is a beautiful cat (that's really saying a lot, considering I'm much more of a dog person).

    As for the folks who think pets are a 'trade-in or trade-up or trade-down' commodity; well they should probably be neutered, IMO. I have no use for this type of attitude. My pets have always become a part of my family. Only once did I have to give a dog away. When I moved to the Caribbean, my 100 lb. Golden Retriever couldn't come. (Actually, he could have, but at the time I was making arrangements to leave, I couldn't find anyone who would ship a dog that large.) In the end I looked long and hard and finally found friends to take him (they are actually better 'dog parents' that me and he ended up with a great home at the high altitude he was born. Also, no ticks or fleas, which are abundant in the tropics. BUT, to this day (even thought at Thanksgiving I got a puppy), I still miss Panama (the Golden) terribly. I keep in touch with his new owners and know that he is happy and has a good home.

    Giving a pet (any pet) away because it is no longer a baby and cute and adorable; SHEESH! I'm glad you were the one to tell that 'crazy momma' off, and give her kid the what's what, because I don't think I would have been as kind. Let's hope the kid at least has nightmares for a few years and keeps momma up all night. Then maybe she will go broke paying for his therapy. At least she won't have the $$$ for more pets.

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    1. Well, if it says anything, she acts a LOT more like a dog than she does a cat. It's nice.

      Also, your story is one of the exact reasons why I put the caveat in my post that there are a few acceptable reasons for giving up an animal, and your situation definitely fits that. And it's nice that you can still keep in touch with Panama's new owners so you don't have to say goodbye forever. I couldn't imagine that.

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  46. While reading this I was thinking "Oh I hope he said to get rid of the brat when he gets older". I also thought "Nope probably didn't ...what a shame. To my heart's delight, you spoke up and said exactly what I would have said. What a stupid mean B$#@!. I intensely dislike anyone who could harm an animal or give an animal away without a second thought. I am glad that child will need therapy. If you feel pains in your neck, you know she created a little voodoo doll and is sticking pins in it but you did great! We have a rescue dog who is still terrified to go outside after 5 years. We also have 4 cats! One was rescued from outside, one my hubby got from a pet store (she's the Diva). Our lover cat (she loves Wallace which I blogged about in Nov. I believe and it is icky) was rescued from being abandoned (she had to eat crayons to survive poor thing) and out last one is very fat-she came that way and was matted and scared. People can make me sick. Anyone caught abusing an animal should get the same treatment and then be banned for life from ever having an animal....just saying

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    1. Eat crayons to survive? Wow, that's awful. But it's awesome that you've taken such good care of these so-called 'reject' animals. All of my 'rejects' have fantastic personalities, and I couldn't imagine life being somehow better with a pet store puppy/kitten.

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  47. Oh and Gemma is a cutie! I have seen bengals on shows and it is always suggested to get one of those wheels they can jump into and run to get rid of the energy:)

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    1. Wait, that's a real thing? They have hamster wheels for cats? Because I would buy one of those in a heartbeat. If not for her, for the entertainment value on my end.

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    2. I read this and had to look on YouTube. It's real...

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBZ-DAGwyNw

      BTW, you get a teeny tiny mention in my latest post. I didn't even link to your blog since EVERYONE already reads this.

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    3. Dammit, that's awesome. I want one!

      *looking at website*

      Oh wait, they're over $500. Fuck that!

      (But I want one in spirit? Or will build my own?)

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    4. And hey, not EVERYONE reads this website. If my mother knew half the shit I posted, she'd probably disown me.

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    5. I don't think she reads MY blog either, so I think you're safe.

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    6. I bet you can make up a wheel for them to enjoy. My hubby made a whole cat room/play room just for the pussy cats

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  48. This was a really scary story--to me at least. You see, my mother instilled this fear of cats in me at a very young age and I've had an aversion to them ever since.

    Once back in the mid-90's, when my daughters were still in school and living at home with me, I let them talk me into taking in a cat. Yeah, sure, they were going to take care of it. Guess who was the guy emptying the litter box and tending to the critter's needs. A few months down the road after having to call an exterminator to get rid of a massive flea infestation in our apartment and having a litter of mewling kittens that unexpectedly popped out of that cat, I took momma cat and all her kids to a pet store that agreed to take them in for me and no more cats for us after that time.

    Rumor has it that the cat family was later sold to a loving Asian family who owned a local Chinese restaurant.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Who doesn't love a surprise pregnancy in the household? At least it wasn't your daughters.

      Kidding aside, that sounds like a miserable first cat experience. I hope any cat experience (and Asian cuisine experience) since has been better for you.

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  49. I'm glad you delivered a hellish verbally beat-down those people. The amount of interrogation I had to go through to get my dog makes me wonder how these people even get these animals. That being said, that cat is so adorable that I tossed out my cat and hung the print-outs of Gemma around the house.

    But, we found our cat abandoned in a litter in our friends shed. They were on a shelf in the back, and I grabbed them and put them in a box. The one my girlfriend pointed out to me was the only one to attack me while I tried to put it in the box. It still mauls me to this day. Took a good chunk out of my the other day when I exceeded the 3 pet limit.

    Also, I had to move from a condo that I OWNED because the maintenance director withheld a document from me saying I couldn't have a dog, even though I had a document saying that dogs were allowed. Guy threatened to start the eviction process (complete with $100 daily fine) if I didn't have the dog out in two weeks. So, my parents were stuck with him for like a month before we found a new place to move. One without a condo association.

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    1. Dude, kudos to you for sticking with your animals. I think a lot of people would be faced with that and just say "Sorry kids, you gotta go. Mr. Boss Man says you can't live here no mo'."

      I find that the best kind of cat is one that makes an attempt to maul you on a regular basis. Keeps you humble. I mean, it's hard to be arrogant after just having your ass handed to you by a 12 lb housecat named "Mr. Fluffernutter."

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  50. Your new kitten is absolutely adorable. I'm sure she'll be very happy with you. Unfortunately, I met several people who have abandoned a pet after several weeks or months. I adopted an abandoned guinea pig that way. And just before Christmas, I adopted a cat from a shelter (I will be posting pictures of him soon).

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    1. The macho man in me says, "Yeah, cool story, that's good of you" but the cat lady in me says, "Awww, I can't wait to see the new cat. And your guinea pig."

      And I'll be damned if the cat lady doesn't win every time.

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  51. Gemma is just so adorable!! I have to confess, I once ditched a cat. Some friends of ours asked me to take their cat (I'm a known push over/softie) because the wife developed allergies. We brought him home and he was a horrible cat. He preferred to poop on the laundry pile instead of the litter box, he stalked the dog and attacked him (that was actually pretty funny), he'd come over your shoulder and steal your dinner, and he liked to shred all things fabric. All of this was fine, but then our red headed baby started to crawl and Racer (the hell cat) decided attacking the baby was more fun than attacking the dog. Racer was moved to the outdoors where I think he was happier. He was way friendlier and would actually go on walks with us- the whole time, Cole (the redhead) would keep a wary eye on him.

    Other than the safety of your human offspring and reasons you mentioned- I don't get why people think it's all right to ditch animals. I have a friend who is a ditcher and she always wants my animals because she has this idea that somehow I pick magic ones. I keep telling her that all animals are pains in the asses until you train them- you have to be patient and let them grow up.

    And that lady in the store? Someone that selfish will never think she's wrong, and neither will her son when he puts mommy in a home at 60 because she is a nuisance.

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    1. It's true, it's all about how you train them. I get the same thing. "How are yours so good? Mine are terrible!" Because I actually put the time in to train and discipline mine. It's all worth it after you're done... then you can just sit back and (mostly) relax and enjoy your pets' company.

      I don't know what your friend did to that cat, but I've never in all my years had a stray or newly adopted cat act out like that. I don't suppose you ever tried an exorcism?

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  52. LOL! Oh, I've felt like saying something like that. I HATE disposable pet syndrome. I see it all too often.

    I've had my last two cats (and a dog) wander into my yard because someone just threw them out of the car near my house. Okay, I didn't see them actually throw them but they did toss them away like a piece of trash. I saw the car stop about 20 feet beyond the house. It wasn't until the next day that Budda Bay showed up all whiny and scared. Something got his little sister--we found her not far from where Budda was perched on top of one of our big corner fence post. Couple of months later, I had a fully grown and spayed calico cat just show up at the house and decided to walk in through an open screen door, I assume, because we found her curled up in our pantry sleeping. Time has shown that she had been abused. She now will let me touch her head.

    It's sad and frankly, ticks me off. I have two rescue cats I've had since they were babies. They're now 16 and 15 (she's Benegal as well and has 7 toes on both front feet). We have a year old Pit bull that was starving and about to be shot at 4 months old--my son, 19, knocked into the dude (gulp) and took the pup. Sweetest thing ever.

    Animals know when they're rescued and so loyal and loving. Always appreciative. I was less than lady-like (sorry mama) when rescuing the Bengal on a college campus where one guy was using a fishing pole to try to get her to eat what was on the hook and his buddy's conversation and intent to harm made me see red. Oops sorry about your broken fishing rod and really I have NO idea how it ended up around your torso (lucky it wasn't your neck). Campus security took them away. Aww. But it took me a couple of hours to get the kitten and I brought her home 15 years ago.

    I love the look of your newest baby. She's in good hands. :-)

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    1. Those are some awesome stories, and did you say SEVEN toes on each front foot? I've heard of six, but seven? That's pretty damn fascinating.

      Your house sounds like my parents' neighborhood. We always had cats dropped off nearby and they'd wander straight to us. They'd also be incredibly friendly with humans, so we knew they weren't just strays. Your Calico sounds a lot like our old Maine Coon. He just wandered into the backyard one day, slipped through the open screen door (which was often left cracked open during summer) and was found sleeping in the basement. We weren't even mad... the basement just became his home.

      Also, it sounds like you handled that college campus situation better than I would have. I have a feeling that fishing rod would have ended up somewhere that only a team of highly skilled surgeons could remove.

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    2. lol! Oh, I thought of that too. Fortunately, there were witnesses to the whole thing and deliberately planning to hurt an animal isn't legal. Yep, she has seven toes. In fact her offical name is 7 Toed-Crosseyed Baby Girl--Choad for short. Both hubs and I remembered 7 of 9 former Borg from Star Trek. *Shrug* It fit. :-)

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  53. Bravo for exercising absolutely no restraint whatsoever and speaking without a forked tongue. :D

    Seriously, I would've said something a bit more offensive than that, but that's just me, Mr. Tact.

    BTW, cute cat. Which usually means that you aren't a pet owner, your cat is.

    Father Nature's Corner

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    1. As I sit here with my cat in my lap, subliminally petting her while I type this comment, I have no idea what you're talking about...

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  54. That was awesome Bryan. Poor kid, but I do hope mom is still in therapy.

    My last cat was a pastel calico with pterodactyl syndrome (had extra toes on her front paws). She moved in and took over; she came with the house we rented. We hated giving her up when we could no longer afford the house. Why do apartments allow dogs but not cats?

    A friend gave us gave us a little black ball of fur when we moved into our new home. He was barely 6 weeks old and still had the urge to claw, chew, and nurse anything that got within pouncing range. He is appropriately named Tribble. He finally outgrew his need to shred fingers, arms, legs, toes, ears, face - yeah, his playful was like a Bengal Tiger toying with its midday snack. At 8 months and about 20 pounds he still thinks he's that cute little ball of fluff. And is king of this castle. He's so adorable, even when he tries to push my laptop off my lap to curl up for a nap.

    I hope he is the last cat we ever get; but I'm like you, a not-so-secret cat lady. He'll drag a homeless friend around sometime. He already shares his food bowl with his girlfriend.

    Your new kitty is adorable. Love the colors.

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    1. Tribble... I like that. He sounds like a very sweet cat. Maybe it's just the cat lady in me, but aren't the majority of cats sweet? So long as you treat them right?

      Which is why I don't understand the whole dogs allowed buts cats not in an apartment thing. When I first moved out, it was to an apartment, so I gave up cat-lady-hood to rescue a dog. And (since I lived on the third floor) I thought four times a day, as I marched up and down the stairs to take her to pee on the grass, God, this would be so much easier if I just had a cat.

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  55. Aw, you are a softie, and right. It's so sad when you see animals neglected and abused. But why should they be any different, children are neglected and abused.

    Your response to the little boy reminded me of the commercial where the family is packing up to move and they leave their child because the new place doesn't allow children. Then the commercial says something about you wouldn't do that to your children, so don't do that to your animals.

    Your cat is a cutie. Pets have such an unconditional love. My little Shakespeare is my buddy. I can't even imagine living in Germany without him. He's one of the few who understands English.

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    1. I would hope a cat named Shakespeare is well versed in English. :)

      And I've not seen this commercial, but I might have to track it down. That sounds like an awesome way to deliver that message.

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    2. Ooops! Actually, Shakespeare is my dog. He's a Jack Russel / Maltese mix.

      I tried to find the commercial but I can't.

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  56. All in all, I think you handled everything quite well. Gemma is an adorable badass bitch, btw :)

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    1. One week in and fully covered in play scratches... I can absolutely confirm this. It's the most adorable form of pain a grown man can endure.

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  57. WOW. I wish I could've seen that. Not just because: serves that lady right, but also because GOD my grocery lines are always so BORING. WHO CARES IF KHLOE KARDASHIAN IS SEEING LAMAR AGAIN... oooh, they have peanut butter Snickers?

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    1. Yeah, grocery store lines are just miserable, especially when WAIT WHY IS LAMAR DOING THIS TO HIMSELF AGAIN HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF MAN

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  58. Well, this is all just depressing. All but one of my cats have been rescues. We had four at one point (I know, I know, but they NEEDED someone). Good thing I'm married. There's a higher threshold to Crazy Cat Lady than if you're single. ;) Gemma is a baby doll. I'm glad she found a much better home. And I hope that moron of a mother got the message, though I doubt it. What are people teaching their kids when they do that shit? To disengage from a living thing emotionally, over and over? Yeah, tiny sociopaths in the making. All life is disposable. My kids would be devastated if I said we were getting rid of our cat. She's snuggled up against me right now. (She hates my laptop, because I should pay attention only to her, at all times, what the hell am I doing on that horrible machine, anyway?)

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  59. Awwww! And I hope you didn't feel bad for one nanosecond. Even at a very young age I'm sure us cat ladies knew that it would be wrong to treat an animal like a used car, thank you very much.

    Both of our kitties are rescue kitties.

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  60. I've always been a cat lady too, but My mom has this misconception that cats will never love you like dogs, blah blah, and we can't get a dog either because dogs need more space than an apartment. But I used to have a french teacher who had three cats and whenever I had class these three cats would just park themselves all over and around me. and I'd be sitting there like a proud cat lady, and the guy who sits next to me would ask me if I wore any special perfume to attract the cats and I'd just smile. Good times. :)
    Gemma is absolutely adorable and awesome. And that lady at the grocery store had it coming.

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