Without further ado, ten things that happened in 2014...
1. The World Cup was held, and Americans all across the nation pretended to suddenly give a shit about soccer... until our team was brutally kicked out of the competition and we went back to cheering on "real" football. Or "handegg" as the Brits might lovingly call it. But as Americans ourselves, we prefer the handegg, if only because the action is much more... uh, masculine. And existent.
2. Malaysia Airlines cemented itself as the one airline neither of us will EVER step foot on. "If you absolutely, positively don't ever want to be seen again... fly Malaysia(TM)!"
4. Kim Jong Un, known as the Kim Jong Illest, bested us all by hacking into Sony with the greatest team of hackers a $20 Groupon can buy.
5. Speaking of hacking, we learned that the Apple iCloud probably isn't the best place for celebrities to store all of their nudie pictures. We also learned that naked Kate Upton looks like a refrigerator with cow udders. So please... keep your private pictures locked up extra safe, and Kate, keep the bikini on.
6. Speaking of selfies, 'selfie' was officially added to the dictionary, contributing further to the demise of the English language. It was also turned into some kind of terrible sitcom that no one watched or cared about.
7. Millions of people downloaded and played a mobile phone game called Flappy Bird, where a mentally disabled bird-fish-frog tries to fly through some rip-off Super Mario Bros pipes by you simply tapping your screen. That's it. The creator made millions of dollars off of this, proving time and time again that stupid ideas are worth millions.
And yet our infamous farting animated stick figure gif is still currently worth $0. Maybe that will change in 2015.
8. A man actually killed another man with an atomic wedgie. No, really. What amazing times we live in.
9. Bill Cosby put his 'scoobiddy zip bop' where it didn't belong, turning America's favoritest dad into America's favoritest molester. Who would have ever thought that an old man who wears nothing but ugly sweaters and speaks in complete gibberish is a creep?
10. We got off our lazy asses and learned to properly draw this year, leading to our most well drawn and most coherent comics ever, such as the hyper-realistic masterpiece below. It's so vivid I bet you can even smell it.
2014 was pretty good, but 2015 is gonna be even better! Expect less lazy, more funny, more comics, and even a book release or two, including the first in our all-new book series about the world's worst NSA agent, who fights terrorism with naive patriotism and sexy idiocy!
What was your favorite event of 2014?
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan
Music: Touch Sensitive
Beer: Breckenridge Avalanche