|Center left: Brandon. Center: Reverend Bryan. Behind them: the light of the heavens shining down upon them both.|
Yep, Brandon got married. And what an adventure it was.
The bride tried to escape, so we had to have her father forcefully wrestle her down the aisle. Not pictured: his taser.
Bryan said some words that made people laugh, and then passionately read a poem that made people laugh and cry. Then by using his magic powers he transformed the bride and groom into a married couple instead of just a boring single one, thereby making Heidi stuck with Brandon for the rest of her natural life.
She promptly retaliated by eating his face.
Then they went inside and ate cake and drank an ungodly amount of alcohol and the bride and groom put their dance lessons to use, in which they cut a rug so epically that the venue is keeping their damage deposit and the rug is seeking counseling.
There was laughter. There were tears. Bryan was told by many that it was the best service they've ever seen, with a few people asking for his services at other upcoming weddings. Maybe he has a future calling as a reverend... nah. His favorite compliment, from a kooky old guy: "Son, that was the best damn wedding ceremony I've ever seen. And I'm old as shit, so you know I've been to plenty."
Overall, it was a damn good time, and Mr. and Mrs. Brandon could not be happier... to have the damn thing over with, so life can get back to normal.
It took over 2 hours to unpack and assemble Brandon and Heidi to get them ready for the wedding. Elbows and genitals sold separately.
Bryan and Mrs. Bryan tired and sweaty as hell after tearing it up on the dance floor. Not properly pictured because of crappy lighting - Mrs. Bryan's awesome purple hair.
Brandon wildly attacking the paparazzi that swarmed the reception.
The great Reverend Bryan, on the way there, channeling his inner Ray Donovan with that sweet hand-me-down suit.
...Except he didn't get to sodomize a black kid with a huge pistol.
Maybe that'll happen at the next wedding he performs.
Stay tuned for a next week when we returned to your regularly scheduled awesomeness and comical idiocy.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,