Monday, December 22, 2014

Satan Claus Is Coming To Town

Christmas is a time of magic and celebration, a time for thanks and good cheer. It's not just the season to see your coworkers make awkward passes at one another at the annual office party, but it's the time of year we drag ourselves from the normal, cruel icebox of winter to warm up by the fire with a stein of vodka-laden cider and the company of that drunk uncle that's gonna try so hard to remember all of those racist jokes he learned at the strip club.

We've both had some great Christmas memories across the years, but today we each wanted to share with you our number one fondest Christmas memory.

Brandon's favorite memory:

Christmas Eve was always the most thrilling night of the holidays when I was growing up. Having always had a mild phobia of strange intruders in my home--especially ones driving suspiciously large vehicles and offering gifts--I never quite rested easy in my bed, knowing that Santa would be breaking in at any moment. So I stayed awake, waiting. And although I always seemed to miss him, one year... one dreadful year, I caught the bastard. And I instantly regretted it.

See, come Christmas I was pretty excited to finally meet Santa.


But when I marched downstairs I saw something unspeakably horrific...


I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.


And at that moment... I knew I had to kill the sumbitch.


I spent the next year meticulously planning his demise. Training my mind AND my body.


(God, I was in such great shape at 6 years old. What happened?)

And 364 days later, when that cheating bastard finally returned, I made sure to give him a Christmas he never forgot...



That was also the Christmas my father spent in the ICU, and the same Christmas that my mother told me Santa wasn't real. But if he's imaginary, then who did I beat up? And so 20-something years later I never actually found whose arms and legs I broke. Dad wasn't there (he was too busy convalescing in a full body cast that day), and Mom doesn't like to talk about it. So I guess we'll never know.

But that day I got the most precious gift of all: the gift of becoming a man.

Bryan's favorite memory:

When I was a kid, Christmas morning was something I dreamed about all December long. Not because of that church crap or my stupid family or some baby that was born (or whatever), but because of the sweet, sweet loot I'd make out with. Yes, Santa always brought me the most delightful presents, and I was never left disappointed. Well, except that one year, when there was a gross miscommunication on my part and it wasn't Santa that came...


And it was the gayest Christmas ever.

To all of our readers, have a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, a Bitchin' Kwanzaa, an awesome day off... whatever the hell you choose to celebrate. Just make sure it's a better day than either of ours was.

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
B&B

Music: Hayden James
Beer: Beer Boy Bryan's Christmas Homebrew



97 comments:

  1. I'm really, really thankful I never misspelled Santa...
    Have a Blessed Christmas, guys!
    And try not to beat up any guys in red suits.
    Unless he's Satan. Then feel free.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It could have been worse. I mean, G.I. Jew still does my taxes, and his chocolate babka is to die for.

      You have a blessed Christmas too, good sir!

      Delete
  2. At least Brandon didn't see Santa giving his mother the "reverse Rudolph" or the "melting candy cane" or "Santa going up the chimney" or "pulling a reindeer train" or "everything on the naughty list."
    I think Bryan really sold his soul too cheap. Unless you still have the gay boy, then it was all worth it.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Who else do you think gives me all those killer back rubs while I'm working up a big ol' sweat over here at this computer?

      Oh myyyy gooooodneth.

      Delete
  3. Over here in the Netherlands we do celebrate Christmas, but without the "Santa is real and brings presents part". We already have our slave-driver Sinterklaas for that. No, Christmas here is all about indulging in commercialism, spending money on things you don't really need and occasionally getting presents for others they never really asked for.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. What about Krampus, though? I'm a big fan of his work.

      Hey, look, we share something in common. Christmas is all about the commercialism here, too! So my dear friend Fang, may you have the most wonderful 'Chokeslam An Old Lady Because She Tried To Take The Last Wii U Away From You' Day

      Delete
  4. Always been good at spelling until I came to Canada, now I don't know whether I am using English spelling or North American. Have a Merry Christmas guys.

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    1. Well no matter what your colors it's an honour to have you here. You have a Merry Christmas as well!

      Delete
  5. I don't really have many Christmas memories, especially not one pertaining to crippling Santa or summoning Satan. There is one thing I do remember though. It happened when I was about 15 or 16, and me and my mum were watching a talk show (I was young and foolish) and Meatloaf was on promoting his new album (Bat Out Of Hell 3 at the time). I don't normally ask for things and prefer the surprise but that year I practically begged for that album. My mum told me outright she hadn't gotten it for me and I tore through my presents and didn't get it. Then I got it, and I was so happy. So there was at least one year I got something that was just what I wanted.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I remember one year I asked my parents for a Game Boy and for Battle Toads. Not understanding anything about how video games worked, "Santa" brought me this. Young me was not very happy with Santa on that one.

      You know, people say that being a kid and having a great Christmas with Santa is one of the best times of your life, but I just love being an adult. Like, if I want a Meatloaf album (which currently I do not), I just go to the store and buy one. I don't need to beg my parents for a $10 item, wait 3 weeks, and then pray that they remembered which one I actually wanted.

      "Dammit Mom, I said Bat Out Of Hell 3, Not Bad Out Of Hell 2. It's like you don't even listen to me!"

      Delete
  6. It's sort of a shame that Bryan didn't have Brandon around to beat the hell out of Satan. Although the orthodox Jewish soldier thing looks pretty cool, actually.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. He doesn't just look cool, he is cool. G.I. Jew manages my 401k and does an amazing job with it. I never thought returns like that were even possible.

      No, I'm just kidding, I'm poor, so I barely even know what a 401k is, let alone have one.

      Delete
  7. I don't think my dad ever dressed up like Santa. I can see how parents can easily put the presents under the tree without waking nobody. I just wonder when I eventually become a parent, how I'm going to do the tooth fairy thing. I guess if their eyes open, you go "wake up, tooth fairy already came by".

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, that's pretty slick. But don't worry, kids are pretty gullible. My mom always did the whole "I'm just checking on you" thing. And I bought it every single time. Then again, I also believed that a deranged fairy was stealing my teeth and paying me off for them, so...

      Delete
  8. haha glad I could spell, but even if not my handwriting is so horrible you'd never know what I was saying anyway. Brandon must have missed out on years of swag by taking out "santa." Should have let him get his jollies for a few more years lol

    One year I snuck down downstairs and looked at everything, so the next year mom put mouse traps on the stairs. She said they were set, don't think they were, but it was enough to keep me upstairs lol

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Your mom is either a genius or cruel. Let's just say genius and pray she was actually bluffing.

      I don't like to brag, but my handwriting is so bad that after writing a Dear Santa letter my parents would typically ask me to clarify what I wanted so they could pass it along to Santa. That's the really nice way of asking, "What the hell am I looking at? Are these even words?"

      Delete
  9. SANTA isn't real, but SATAN is?

    Sheesh! I had the whole thing completely reversed in my mind.

    This disappointment calls for some hot-buttered beer and maybe a keg of red-rum.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, maybe if you're bad this year, Satan will visit you. Just ensure that after all that hot buttered red-rum you make terrible decisions and blame said decisions entirely on the alcohol.

      Last year Satan brought me a bag of coke and some promiscuous women. So I sold the coke and pimped out the women... who needs a 401k when you have THAT kind of investment?

      Best. Christmas. Ever.

      Delete
  10. Good lord this was funny! Such, sweet, sentimental, 'fondest' memories, lol. But actually, in many religious circles, Santa IS Satan, so Bryan, it looks like your story is perfectly plausible. But Brandon, come on, yours is so obviously fake, because what couples with children are actually affectionate and kiss when setting up the Christmas presents? That's fighting time in my circles!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Okay, okay, we admit it, Brandon's story was fabricated. He didn't actually gain 20 lbs of lean muscle mass and beat his dad into a coma. And no parents are really that sweet/affectionate. Our readers are just too savvy for us.

      The Satan part is real, though. Last year I asked for a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card but he brought me the bloody, severed head of my archnemesis and called it "Blood Bath and Beyond." It was the best Christmas I've ever had.

      Delete
  11. You boys should have asked for dental work for Christmas to fix those terrible snaggleteeth you both seemed to have. Oh, and I think GI Jew should be the protagonist of your next novel. He has real potential!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh, that's great, because G.I. Jew was actually a dentist before he got drafted. He may not have Kung Fu Grip, but he's got a molar polish that is out of this WORLD.

      Delete
  12. For reasons I cannot totally fathom, the panel that said "Scene of Unimaginable Violence" make me produce a full on GUFFAW and BWAHAHAHA.

    Merry Christmas and thanks for the memories! Hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Merry Christmas to you too! If we can elicit any kind of response that isn't insatiable rage or projectile vomiting, then we've done our job as bloggers.

      Delete
  13. My dad use to dress up like Santa. He was really pissed we didn't go in for the whole Santa thing with my kids. Maybe if I had body slammed him at 6 he would feel differently. Too bad I can't go back in time.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You can still body slam him now?

      I'm actually just amazed your dad dressed up as Santa. Even though we joked about it today, we kinda wondered if anyone's dad ever actually did that. We didn't know anyone whose dad did that... until now.

      Delete
    2. Since my dad only gets up to go to the fridge and the bathroom, I'd die if I tried to body slam him now. 6 year old me had a better chance with him back in time.

      Delete
  14. Brandon, I admire your focus on getting into shape for 364 days. I resolve to get into shape, and it maybe lasts a month. Hint: Your mom was kissing your dad dressed up as Santa. That was why he was in the hospital. You kicked the crap out of him. You can thank me later for this revelation (and explanation) about why your relationship with your father had some issues after the age of six.

    Bryan, You could have called this "When Bryan Decided Spelling Was Important." Getting a spelling reprimand from the devil... classic. The GI Jew couldn't have been too bad. (Those Mossad agents are tough cookies... probably make GI Joe pee his pants.) But getting a Gay Boy instead of a Game Boy... well, that's tougher to swallow. I bet you made your list and checked it twice henceforth.

    Merry Christmas Fellas!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Actually, in a twist worthy of The Sixth Sense, Brandon's dad has been dead for 30 years and no one truly knows who was there that night. Or who he visited in the hospital...

      Oh, and the Gay Boy wasn't so bad. You should see the decorating job he did on my house - second to none.

      Merry Christmas to you as well!

      Delete
  15. I can see why you both love Christmas so much. What precious memories. But just to play the devil's advocate... It's about time somebody called these lazy miscreant children out for their poor spelling. I'd say you got exactly what you deserved! It's not cute to misspell, it's just ignorant! Oh, by the way, you should learn to speak proper English too, or just go back to wherever you came from. America is for English! But not those tea sipping bastards. American English! Happy Freaking Christmas!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just the very mention of tea makes me angry. This is America! Drink a latte, jackass! And put that goddamn pinky down, you look like a fruit.

      Ahhh, that's more like it - an American Christmas. God bless us all, Flip.

      Delete
  16. Well. I don't know what I was expecting when you guys said you'd be sharing your favorite Christmas memories, but it certainly wasn't THAT. Kudos for surprising me, though.

    My favorite Christmas memories are a lot less...er...traumatic. Most of them involve my family, and a lot of super fun times. Like the Christmas that we all decided our favorite Christmas song was my dad playing the guitar and my Uncle Danny singing "Play That Funky Music White Boy." Or the year that my mom got my dad a brand-new, 12-String Gibson guitar for Christmas. She could NOT have been more excited to give it to him, and the moment he opened the case and saw what was in there, all the color drained from his face. He was speechless for a few minutes, and then he gulped and said: "Oh wow. You really shouldn't have. This is too much!" He was worried that she'd spent a fortune on it. But I guess the music store was having a huge sale and she got a great deal. Of course, all of Dad's qualms disappeared the moment he started to play the instrument.

    Oh! And then there was the year that my sister and I got our stockings switched around and so she got THE doll that I'd been asking for, desperately hoping for, and I got the one that was intended for her. Of course, our parents didn't notice the mix-up until it was too late. The trauma had already occurred. Oh well.

    Anyway, all ramblings aside, I wish you and yours a Very Merry Christmas and I hope your holidays will be as pleasant and memorable as ever. Have fun, but be safe! I'd sure hate for my Mondays to become less awesome because my two favorite Beer Boys got themselves thrown in the clink for public nudity. Again.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh no! I hate stocking mixups. Last year I got a rawhide chew and my dog got a Nintendo Wii U. Worst Christmas ever. Well, not for my dog. She's on level 12 of Super Mario 3D World.

      You have a very Merry, non-jail related Christmas, too! We come from a small town where everybody knows everybody, so at this point, they don't even try to jail us anymore. What's the point, right?

      Delete
  17. These were the fondest? Goody - I'm looking forward to the film. But what two guys would play the lead roles?
    I may return with chocolate milk and cookies to read this to my niece. She's fond of action figures(smile).
    Merry wishes, Bryan and Brandon.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. We're both gonna be played by Dennis Franz, who's gonna use split screen technology to make the magic come to life. Expect an appearance by Grumpy Cat and a musical performance by Chumbawamba

      Oh, and you should get your niece a Gay Boy. He's great with women's fashion. Not so much his own, though...

      Delete
  18. Merry Christmas guys!

    Do you still have the "Gay Boy?" I bet you could get a fortune for it on eBay!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I tried but apparently human trafficking is "frowned upon." Thank God for Craigslist, though!

      Merry Christmas!

      Delete
    2. Touche!

      My favorite Christmas memory was the time all my siblings got gifts and I got a stocking full of coal. My parents let me sweat until everyone was done opening theirs and then found the things Santa left in the other room.

      Of course, I burned the coal (being the naughty boy I was), thus starting global warming!

      Delete
    3. Now that you've outed yourself, Al Gore is coming for you. There's no point in running; just make yourself as comfortable as possible until it happens.

      Delete
  19. I never looked forward to time with my stupid family either. My dad WAS the racist with all the horrible jokes, all year and a mean drunk in a bad marriage only gets meaner on Christmas. We could have used a gay boy, even one the whole family could share. He could have decorated our tacky house and gone all Queer Eye on my old man's bell bottom collection. What a different life it would have been............."Zuzu's pedals!"

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You sound disappointed, but I'd love to have Christmas hosted by a drunk, racist joke spewing man wearing bell bottoms. And I don't know if I'd take Queer Eye style advice from the Gay Boy. After all, this is a guy who wears assless chaps.

      Delete
  20. I am kvelling over this post. Oy vey, it's so much fun, no? And your yiddish spelling is more informed than mine. There's an 'e' after 'oy' and "verkempt" is spelled that way -- I'm learning from an informed Gentile. This post it should be the new model for celebrating the Chrismassukkah season. That every mother should witness her young boy brutalize Santa in blessed memory of his long lost GI Jew.

    Grand applause on a holiday post done with the spunk and chutzpah that would do my people proud.

    And thanks for being such a good friend. Hope you all have a fabulous holiday season. xo

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And thank YOU for being a good bubbee yourself. Chag Urim Sameach!

      (All of my Yiddish I find via Google, so this Gentile is just happy to hear it's coherent, much less spelled correctly)

      Delete
  21. I could have used your ass- kicking skills when I was about six. To this day, I still swear that I saw somebody who looked like Santa in my house. My mom still swears that I'm crazy.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hmmm, was anything missing? Christmas - the one day of the year it's absolutely brilliant to break into homes wearing a Santa costume. No child would ever suspect a thing.

      Delete
  22. Sounds like someone had a run in with Krampus.

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    1. Santa doesn't really guarantee that kids will be good, especially spoiled brats, but you know who will guarantee results? Krampus. Years of enslaving children and hanging them by their ears don't lie. Krampus is the best thing to happen to Christmas since lumps of coal.

      Delete
  23. B&B:
    ROFLMAO...!

    I can honestly say that none of my Christmases (past) EVER came that close.
    Mom was a stickler for proper spelling.
    G.I. "Jue"...HAH...priceless.
    (always CLOSE your "Os")

    I trust that successive Christmases proved less angst-ridden?
    (let's hope so).

    You guys have a wonderful AND Merry Christmas and we'll catch you on the flip side.'

    Stay safe out there.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You have a Merry Christmas, too, Bob. And yes, all Christmases since have been pretty good. I even learned how to close my Os after that awful mishap in asking for a "Vegas style slut machine."

      Delete
  24. As funny...ahem...as this post was, I was scrolling down through the comments and think you should get MAJOR points for using Dennis Franz (does anybody really remember him) and Chubawamba in the same comment reply. Man that was digging deep.

    Sorry your Christmas memories as so fraught with the things nightmares are made of, here's hope for a better time this Christmas.

    I do sincerely wish all the best for the two of you in 2015 (I'm still holding out for those front row seats at the opening of your Broadway Show, Movie, whatever), I know you're going to go far (keep the GPS on cause you never know and don't want to get headed in the wrong direction).

    A very Merry Christmas to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. A very Merry Christmas to you as well! We're both trapped in the 90s, which is da bomb, so it's only natural that we're Tub Thumpin' with Dennis Franz before he decides to take a chill pill.

      Oh and next year we're hoping for a broadway musical starring Nathan Lane and Jonathan Taylor Thomas as ourselves.

      Delete
  25. Neither of you were ever on the "good" list, heheh. My family opened presents on Christmas Eve, early in the evening, so I never really believed in Santa. Satan, however, bedeviled me for many many years.

    Merry Christmas Dudes, and Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you too. Who needs to be on a good list when you're an adult and you can buy your own gifts? I was a huge dick this year and I just bought myself a new computer. Take THAT, children!

      Delete
  26. Wait, Santa isn't real? I don't think my daughter will be too happy when I tell my 2 year old grandson that Santa isn't real but Satan is. O.o LOL

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    1. Hey, we all have to grow up some time. Besides, Satan brings better gifts. Last year he brought me the severed scrotum of the boss that made me work on Christmas. You just can't buy that kind of gift.

      Delete
  27. Ha! I especially like how you guys as children are just your regular sized heads on kid's bodies.

    I learned Santa wasn't real because my jerk of a sister told me so. Sigh.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I would chalk that up to laziness but old pictures of us don't lie; we've looked the exact same for 30 years now. For better or worse.

      Delete
  28. I have a feeling my Dad is Santa. I've never seen them both in a room at the same time.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. He might also be Superman. Does he only take off his glasses when he leaves the room?

      Delete
    2. Wait... That means... Santa is Superman!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. It makes sense, I mean, he flies around the world in one night and stops at the house of every child... do you think an elderly fat man could do that? I sure don't. Thanks in advance for an awesome Christmas, Superman.

      Delete
  29. Santa. Satan. What's the difference? We try to watch for both, but they sneak in unexpectedly and leave chaos in our midst. Thanks for hopping with us, Beer Boys.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. They also both have a very unnatural personal investment into how bad you've been. Which is pretty odd if you think about it.

      Thanks for having us! We suck at hopping and this is our first time so I'm pretty sure we did it all wrong (I see people were putting up banners and referencing the hop and thanking you guys) but thank you for having us anyway. Twas a blast.

      Delete
  30. Geez, never knew that Satan was such a smartass. Figures, though.

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    1. What he lacks in gift giving and holiday spirit and human empathy he more than makes up for with that sarcastic sense of humor.

      Delete
  31. I bet your dad hides anything to do with weights. As for Satan, I actually do have a glass devil head hanging on my tree-Go Krampus! Please no more eating cats that is just for Alf

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Krampus is the best! The way he chains little children and picks them up by the ears... it's just incredible. If Krampus visited us as children, Brandon's dad would still have the use of his legs and Bryan's cat would still be alive.

      Delete
  32. This was too confusing, as neither boy had stubble and I couldn't tell them apart. Oh now I get it! Brandon had the brawn, and Bryan had the brains! No, Bryan wore the bra, or something like that! Wonderful Christmas stories for the whole family! Merry Christmas Brandon and Bryan!

    Julie

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    1. Merry Christmas to you too! Brandon sure had brawn, but I don't know what I had. It sure wasn't brains... I couldn't even spell basic words. Man, I was a stupid child. And weak. I've come a long way since then.

      Delete
  33. Dear Satan....I spit coffee on that one. Well done. I've had some great ones and I've had some that left me wondering wtf just happened.
    Merry Christmas guys!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Merry Christmas to you too, good sir. Most of mine leave me in a WTF just happened state of mind... but that's not always bad. It's not a real Christmas till Uncle Steve's taken off his pants and told us all just what he thinks about all 'dem homma-seck-SHULS.'

      Delete
  34. Wait...WTF...Santa isn't real??? OMG! Nooooooooo

    Merry Christmas to two wonderfully funny and great guys and their lovely wives. Oh and to you two as well. Hahahahaha. Love you both!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Merry Christmas, Barb! And good one! We deserved that.

      Santa isn't real, but Satan sure is, and he says after the year you've had you're getting a bar of soap to wash out your mouth and a jug of holy water.

      Delete
  35. Well I hope you all have your selves a much happier holiday then this little boy.
    Happy Holidays.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Great moments are born from great opportunity.
      And that's what you have here tonight, boys.
      That's what you've earned here, tonight.
      One game
      If we played 'em ten times, they might win nine.
      But not this game. Not tonight.
      Tonight, we skate with 'em
      Tonight, we stay with 'em, and we shut them down because we can!
      Tonight, we are the greatest hockey team in the world.
      You were born to be hockey players -- every one of ya.
      And you were meant to be here tonight.
      This is your time.
      Their time -- is done. It's over.
      I'm sick and tired of hearin' about what a great hockey team the Soviets have.
      Screw 'em!
      This is your time!!
      Now go out there and take it

      Delete
  36. Those are hilarious memories! I think Brandon should've taken care of Bryan's Satan. But maybe you two didn't know each other back then. Have a Merry Christmas!

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    1. They both took place on the exact same year so while Brandon was fighting off Santa Bryan was dealing with Satan. Interestingly enough, next year Santa came for Bryan and Satan came for Brandon. I guess beating your dad into a coma will do that.

      Merry Christmas to you, too!

      Delete
  37. Brandon made sure Satan would never attempt to bother him

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  38. At least you got a real soldier for Christmas- I once ended up going out with a guy from the Coast Guard on a pity date one late Christmas evening. The idiot ended up giving me a poinsettia left over from his mom's decorations. And worse, he thought his white Saturn made him look super cool. Imagine my horror when he tried to take me out again at New Years!
    But seriously boys, what I really need this year is a great moonshine recipe. Since I'm moving to North Carolina and all, I gotta' do it up right!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hey, don't you make fun of the pretend Navy like that. They totally save people from drowning and pull over boats with expired tags. They keep America safe.

      Also, moonshine may be made by rednecks, but there's some real science behind it. The end result is pretty tasty, though. Yeah, we said it. The authentic stuff, made with fruit, is dangerously delicious AND powerful. How to make strawberry moonshine.

      Delete
  39. I replied extensively to your comment. Thank you for taking the time to write it.

    Merry Christmas (yeah seriously)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, Merry Christmas to you too! Really, I hope it's a good one!

      Delete
  40. OMG, where were those dancing YMCA toys when I needed them?!

    We were told from the beginning that Santa and the Easter Bunny weren't real, but not to tell other kids at school. Guess who did so on the first day of kindergarten? And guess who got in big trouble?

    But then they let me believe in the tooth fairy. Go figure...but as long as she brought money, I didn't care.

    Happy whatever you celebrate!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I just love this idea of you as a child going, "Santa and the Easter bunny are just made up, what are you, stupid?" followed almost immediately by, "Of course the tooth fairy is real, it's a tiny flying creature that steals my teeth in exchange for money and I've got a dollar right here. What are you, stupid?"

      Happy whatever you celebrate, too! This year I'm gonna celebrate abstinence and sobriety... nah.

      Delete
  41. We've all had a few so-so Christmases. However, I still believe in Santa, since I watched Dr. Who and the last Christmas show tonight. . .and I hardly ever watch tv. . . Hope you had a nice Christmas this year! See you in 2015.

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    1. Neither of us are much for watching TV (I don't even have TV service) but when we do watch, we both enjoy the good Doctor. Forget dentist elves and red nosed reindeer; all I want for Christmas is a snarky, snappy time traveling alien in a crisp suit.

      Delete
  42. Haha - I am not sure which is funnier the post or the comments. Thanks for the laugh I sure needed it today as I suffer post traumatic Christmas stress disorder..haha..having nightmares about shopping at the mall..haha..speaking of malls yesterday was crazy as everyone returned their gifts from here to there. They say it was the busiest shopping day..ok..really...

    Anyway guys, I hope you had a Great Christmas with no confrontations with the jolly red suited man.

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    1. PTCSD... I like that. I think we suffer from that too. I just went to Wal-mart yesterday to grab a few things and it was a damn jungle. I love the ridiculous mentality people have, like, "Hey, we just all traded gifts with our family... but let's go buy some more junk! Junk that's not even on sale!"

      So we hope you had a great Christmas, too... but we also hope you bought a ton of junk you really don't need at full price. It wouldn't truly be Christmas without it.

      Delete
    2. lol - Well not much junk for me I had to do a couple of returns. So, you go to all the trouble to find the perfect gift just to find out it has imperfections. Why do we need all this stuff anyway? I think a lot of people were doing exchanges or spending that Christmas cash. How can you enjoy the stuff you just received when you are out buying more stuff and now the old stuff won't be new anymore..a vicious circle I tell you..lol..

      Delete
  43. You mom doesn't like to talk about it... Is that a fact? Fantastic artwork guys! I mean, really...

    Happy belated X-mas.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. She talks about it with her therapist. Does that count?

      And hey, thanks! It's no coincidence that the same post our artwork gets better is the same post we feature Satan. I sold my soul to the devil and now I can draw MSPaint comics... shoulda asked for that timeshare in Bora Bora, instead. :(

      A happy belated X-mas to you as well, Blue.

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    2. lol - yeah we need that timeshare in Bora Bora..thanks to the blue guy we all want to go to Bora Bora..

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  44. I unfortunately spelled Santa's name wrong, also. Though, having Santana deliver my presents while serenading me with his groovy guitar-playing wasn't all that bad.

    Hope you guys had a great Christmas!

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  45. Happy New Year's Eve. Wishing you all the best.

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  46. I love this blog. Where else could you A) Beat the shit out of Santa, and B) Encounter Satan, G.I. Jew, and Gay Boy, all in one convenient post!

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    1. Thanks! We just like to keep it real and show the folks what an honest American Christmas is all about.

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