Monday, December 29, 2014

A Year Full of Shiz

2014 is coming to an end. Hell, as you read this, it might already be 2015. It all went by in the blink of an eye, and it's amazing to think how much happened in the year. Sure, there were things like ISIS and race riots in Ferguson, but today, we're going to take you through the REAL events of 2014. The stuff that really mattered.


Without further ado, ten things that happened in 2014...

1. The World Cup was held, and Americans all across the nation pretended to suddenly give a shit about soccer... until our team was brutally kicked out of the competition and we went back to cheering on "real" football. Or "handegg" as the Brits might lovingly call it. But as Americans ourselves, we prefer the handegg, if only because the action is much more... uh, masculine. And existent.







2. Malaysia Airlines cemented itself as the one airline neither of us will EVER step foot on. "If you absolutely, positively don't ever want to be seen again... fly Malaysia(TM)!"

3. Shia "The Beef" LeBeouf, Macaulay Culkin, and Amanda Bynes all went toe to toe in an epic battle of 'which former child star has gone more batshit insane?' The winner? None of us, because we still have to put up with them. But don't worry, we're sure Jaden and Willow Smith will fend them all off next year.

4. Kim Jong Un, known as the Kim Jong Illest, bested us all by hacking into Sony with the greatest team of hackers a $20 Groupon can buy.




5. Speaking of hacking, we learned that the Apple iCloud probably isn't the best place for celebrities to store all of their nudie pictures. We also learned that naked Kate Upton looks like a refrigerator with cow udders. So please... keep your private pictures locked up extra safe, and Kate, keep the bikini on.

6. Speaking of selfies, 'selfie' was officially added to the dictionary, contributing further to the demise of the English language. It was also turned into some kind of terrible sitcom that no one watched or cared about.

7. Millions of people downloaded and played a mobile phone game called Flappy Bird, where a mentally disabled bird-fish-frog tries to fly through some rip-off Super Mario Bros pipes by you simply tapping your screen. That's it. The creator made millions of dollars off of this, proving time and time again that stupid ideas are worth millions.

And yet our infamous farting animated stick figure gif is still currently worth $0. Maybe that will change in 2015.


8. A man actually killed another man with an atomic wedgie. No, really. What amazing times we live in.

9. Bill Cosby put his 'scoobiddy zip bop' where it didn't belong, turning America's favoritest dad into America's favoritest molester. Who would have ever thought that an old man who wears nothing but ugly sweaters and speaks in complete gibberish is a creep?

bill cosby rape funny

10. We got off our lazy asses and learned to properly draw this year, leading to our most well drawn and most coherent comics ever, such as the hyper-realistic masterpiece below. It's so vivid I bet you can even smell it.


2014 was pretty good, but 2015 is gonna be even better! Expect less lazy, more funny, more comics, and even a book release or two, including the first in our all-new book series about the world's worst NSA agent, who fights terrorism with naive patriotism and sexy idiocy!

What was your favorite event of 2014?

Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Brandon and Bryan

Music: Touch Sensitive
Beer: Breckenridge Avalanche


103 comments:

  1. I think you summed up soccer and football well. I have been to a live soccer game and it is a little more exciting. (More exciting than watching pasta cook, that's for sure.)
    And that's why I don't trust the Cloud.
    We need to start a campaign and get your stick figure to go viral.
    Here's to an awesome 2015, guys!

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    1. I think the MLS just got their new catch phrase: "Major League Soccer - it's more exciting than watching pasta cook!"

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  2. I hate when the world cup is on for that exact reason. No one pays attention for years and then BAM! everyone is a fan. I'm loving that gif. Hope 2015 is excellent for you guys!

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    1. I don't like to brag, but we didn't pay attention during the World Cup. So in other words, we ignored soccer before it was cool.

      /hipster

      We hope 2015 is pretty damn excellent for you too!

      Delete
  3. Hubby played soccer for years and I think it is/was much better than your football. However,. he complains a lot these days about the amount of time people pretend to be injured. Very well illustrated. Have a great New Year.

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    1. I think the enjoyment of a certain sport deals a lot with having grown up with it. My Mexican father-in-law absolutely loves soccer, and he grew up with it, even playing it. Just as the two of us grew up with the handegg. Now, unless someone gets creamed and suffers a massive concussion it's just not the same to us.

      How about rugby? That seems like the best of both worlds...

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  4. You've actually made me manage to like 2014 a bit. Personally it was a pretty shit year for me to be honest. I didn't really grow up with Cosby so his...shenanigans...are less of an issue for me. Though that does remind me of a good Cosby joke. Bill Cosby loves pudding...pudding his dick where it don't belong. Ahh, molester jokes. Making child rape funny takes the pain away.

    Okay but on a more serious note my favourite moment of 2014, that counts as a real moment, is when we landed that shuttle on that there asteroid. Space exploration rocks. If you'll pardon the pun of landing a space shuttle on a giant rock in space.

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    1. Sorry to hear it was a crap year, but you ended it with a killer joke, so... at least there's that?

      You know what sucked about the shuttle landing? That was the exact same day Kim Kardashian posted her fat, greasy ham hocks all over the Internet, meaning that much fewer people heard about the asteroid landing since all we could talk about was, "Oooooh, big butt."

      The future is here... and it's bleak.

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  5. That's where Macaulay went. That runt punk. I hadn't seen him in a while. Your drawing of Kim Jon IIIest is so realistic, it gives me the creeps. But not as much as Cosby's sweater. You're going out in style - some of your best stuff. Happy New Year!

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    1. I feel like the Kim Jong Un picture could be better. He should be fatter and a lot more diabetic... but how do you draw diabetes? These are the struggles I endure as an artiste. No wonder so many of us go insane and chop our ears off.*

      *Yeah, that's right, I just compared crappy MSPaint comics about a diabetic dictator and farting stick figures to Van Gogh.

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  6. haha I never realized 2014 was so well defined as the year of Celebrities no one gives a shit about anymore so they make headlines with scandals, too wordy? I'd like to make a stupid game and get a million bucks, not sure I can sink my iq that low though. Soccer and football both bore me to death, one takes forever for anything to happen and the other stops and penetrates every ten seconds with commercials every two seconds.

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    1. Hey, these people have to stay relevant somehow, and any publicity is good publicity. Look at Kim Kardashian. She released a sex tape, had a TV show illustrating just how terrible she is, and rubbed her giant cottage-cheese-in-a-burlap-sack butt all over the Internet's face... and yet they just keep coming back for more. And to those that mock her, us included, take heed: you can't embarrass someone who has no shame.

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  7. The North Korea part of this post is hilarious. You ought to do more Kim Jong Un-related humor. What's the worst that could happen?

    Sure, you might get hacked, but CNN will also start promoting your blog for free.

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    1. I feel like at this point we have nothing to lose. We've already mocked him so much that I'm certain we're in some kind of North Korean database. Like, if we both flew over there for one of their phony "look how not-starving and not-sad our people are" tours, I have no doubt in my mind that we'd be arrested, detained, and caned.

      Which is kinda horrifying but is also pretty cool. "Yeah, that's right, we've kinda made enemies with a North Korean dictator."

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  8. I definitely see Willow and Jaden Smith having a melt down soon. I think 2015 will be the year. I never cared about Soccer, I didn't even know we were in the world cup until we weren't anymore.

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    1. Actually, I don't see them having a melt down. I see them coming out and revealing to the world what we've known all along; they're fucking. Yeah, I said it. Read that interview. They never leave each other's sides, they finish each other's sentences, they romanticize each other... I don't know what Will Smith has done with these children, but at this point he doesn't need a child psychiatrist, he just needs an exorcist.

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    2. woah. It would be like the time Angelina Jolie and her brother kissed.

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  9. I do miss your old comics, but after looking at the Illest's knockers, how can I not appreciate the masterful art? You've being MASTERS at BAITing our excitement, all right! Thanks for all the free laughs. You've really made me laugh so much, I kind of feel guilty right now. I think I'll go buy another one of your books. Here's to hoping I can reciprocate with laughs in 2015! (Don't hold your breath, btw)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And here all along I thought we needed high level promotional tools to market our books... why didn't I think about guilt? As we were both raised Catholic, guilt is just in our DNA.

      "Yeah, that's right, I spend countless nights drawing these comics while ignoring my family and neglecting my job, but it's cool, you guys read it for free, so as long as you're happy that's all that matters. But we DO sell some cheap books, you know, if you want to support us or something."

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  10. Your Kim Jong Un stuff is bloody brilliant. Oh God, if North Korea hears about this you'll be hacked. I would suggest changing your passwords to northkoreasucksballs123 to prevent such a thing. I don't think they could have done it. They're just not that smart and they don't even HAVE internet over there.

    Since I don't give a fat rats ass about what goes on in the world I would say my favourite thing about 2014 was my garden. I've begun merging all five separate gardens into one MASSIVE HONKING garden. And it is stunning to look at. I've almost have an acre and literally I have thousands of flowers. Yes, thousands upon thousands. And this year it's going to be even bigger. I hate mowing so by the end of next year, there won't be any grass left, just pathways through flowers. You wouldn't believe the variety of insect life I support with those flowers and the populations are all in perfect balance. With all that harmony, colour and life for me to focus on, the world can go fuck itself.

    Wishing you both a wonderful New Year filled with success and with joy!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. "With all that harmony, colour and life for me to focus on, the world can go fuck itself." Incidentally, I think this may be my favorite quote of 2014.

      As a fellow gardener (yeah, I said it, I'm more than just beer and boobs and fart jokes, people!) I'm highly envious of your MASSIVE HONKING garden. I don't suppose you have any pictures?

      I live in a townhouse, so my garden is indoors, using the best technology marijuana growers have to offer. Stoners - they may have smoked away a good many brain cells, but they sure didn't smoke away the ability to scientifically grow plants using as few materials, space, and power as possible.

      You have a damn good New Year too, Anne!

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    2. Ya, I've loads of pictures. It's nice to meet a fellow gardener who understands my obsession.

      I ordered growing lights online to start seeds indoors and wondered how long it would take the DEA to storm my house. The dope growers really did some pioneer work in growing indoors. I'd like to try hydroponics for vegetables sometime.

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    3. Most of my veggies have gone hydroponic and it works fantastically. Outside of that, I have some that are just plants in pots, but... hey, that whole plant/soil/water thing's been working for millions of years. Why stop a good thing?

      http://i.imgur.com/0vVPrmb.jpg

      That's only a small corner of it (hard to take a pic in crowded room). The hydroponics are in a tent. It's not very pretty but it's functional. I've got strawberries, raspberries, green onions, peppers, tomatoes, teas, and I'm even growing my own coffee beans. Yeah, I'm that guy.

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    4. Very sweet set up. I can't believe your growing coffee beans. I didn't know that was possible. I wish you could do a post on how you're doing it. How you chose the beans, what are the required growing conditions, what's your yield, etc.

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    5. Thanks! I've always wanted to post about it but don't know how to make it funny/not seem like I'm just bragging.

      I have an Arabica and a Kona because I just like drinking those types of coffees, and both plants are doing really well. The only thing that coffee plants are especially particular about is light. Direct light will burn them, which is why they're actually best suited as indoor plants. They're "shade" plants, so I put them in the back of the room behind much taller plants. Indirect light and full shade keeps them happy. And they take about 3 years to reach full maturity, so no yield yet. They're in their second and a half year right now and about 3 feet tall each, so next summer I'm looking forward to my first coffee yield! Even if it only makes the equivalent of one bag of coffee per plant it's still cool to have made it myself and see how it compares to store bought (I'd bet money it's a ton better).

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  11. B&B:
    To me, one of "my" big stories for 2014 was having a friend tell me about YOUR blog...I'm not sucking up, either.
    It's been a wonderfully humourous ride into the real and the surreal the LATTER (seems to be where most of us live these days - must be the "leadership" in the USA...lol)
    Where's Rod Serling when you NEED him?
    Most of the locals in the Midwest seem fixated on last winter and the SEVERE COLD we "enjoyed"...thanks to all that global warming PCBS.
    ((ahem))
    Count me among them...it was WAY past cold and even past DAMN cold...went all the way to f$cking cold!

    I Wish both of you (and yours) a great New Year and here's knowing that you will have continued followings and success.

    Cheers.
    Stay safe out there.

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    1. Hey, we're glad you're here, too! And global warming? What's that? It's currently 9 degrees. Last year this time it was around 60. What the hell, Al Gore?

      Hope you have an awesome New Year too, Bob! And thanks again for stopping by!

      Delete
  12. Some The News was new to me. I had no idea that celebs stored their nudie pics in some cloud. Frankly, I'm glad I missed that leak. Now that you asked, but there are SO FEW people I want to see naked that I can easily count them on one hand... and have fingers to spare. I don't know if I told you that my mom has decided to take water aerobics at a local rehab place that offers gym/pool memberships? Anyway, I work out my shoulder (still dealing with that rotator cuff business) and do some cardio while she does the pool thing. One morning I walked into the ladies rest room, thinking mom should be done (she was), and this naked lady runs by me. She was about eighty and NOTHING was where it belonged. Scared the crap out of me. Apparently, she needed to pee *really bad* after getting out of the pool, so she ditched the swimsuit after doing her business, making a run for the lockers (and that's where I was). Yikes. At least she wasn't tattooed. It could've been worse.

    In other (more serious) news... I love your comics. Since they keep improving, 2015 should be hilarious. Fortunately, life is an unending source of material. What a world we live in!!!!

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    1. You did not tell us about the water rehab, but I'm glad to hear your mom is getting out more. Even if that means you have to put up with naked, running old ladies. I mean, it's bad enough they're naked, but running too? Oh my.

      May 2015 hold many great memories for you, less struggles with Nigerian scammers, and much less in the way of running naked ladies, so you no longer have to bear witness to two flesh colored windsocks flapping around like it's tornado season.

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  13. Americans pretending to like soccer was a good cover, but we knew football is the fave of those below the 49th. I prefer the more 'intelligent' baseball myself.

    Personally, I'd like to forget 2014 ever happened. Wipe it off the map. I had so much depressing action, I didn't have time for world problems. . . Stay classy, guys.

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    1. Interestingly enough, I prefer the much less intelligent hockey. But hey, if I want to see violence I want to see REAL violence, not just the mild horseplay they call 'tackling.'

      And 2014 wasn't great, but there's no guarantee 2015 will be any better. Kim Kardashian is still around and showing us all her gross butt, Kanye still raps and thinks he's good at it, Seth Rogan is still releasing unfunny movies... I'm afraid it's gonna be a while before we as a nation have a good year.

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  14. My favorite thing about 2014 is that I had a birthday this year. Also, I'm glad Christmas happened this year, again. Hopefully, the trend continues into next year.

    Also, if North Korea hacking into companies' databases is what it's gonna take to lower the cost of seeing newly released movies ($6 for The Interview), then Godspeed North Korea, Godspeed!

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    1. Not just that, but seeing newly released movies in my own home! Now I don't have to let people in public know that I actually watched that dreadfully overhyped and overrated "meh, it's alright I guess" kind of a movie.

      ...Crap. Too late.

      Delete
  15. Lol. Nice post. I hope you have yourself a happy 2015. I cannot believe how fast this year flew by.

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    1. Preheat oven to 350°; place rack in center of oven. Freeze sugar cookie dough 1 hour. Remove from freezer, and place on cutting board. Cut dough into 1/4-inch slices (about 28–32 slices); arrange 2 inches apart on 2 parchment paper–lined baking sheets. Combine brown sugar, chopped pecans, cinnamon, and, if desired, nutmeg in a small mixing bowl. Top cookies with 3/4 teaspoon streusel. Bake 12 minutes or until edges are crisp and browned. Let cool on baking sheet 3 minutes; remove to a wire rack to cool completely.

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    2. You boys never miss a beat do you?

      Nice reply LOL :0)

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    3. The day she actually reads what we post and gives a genuine comment is the day I'll waste my time replying. Till then, I just copy and paste from any webpage at random. My wife was baking yesterday, so I used that.

      Maybe next week I'll recite the Declaration of Independence. It's good to be prepared.

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    4. That sounds pretty good, but I can't eat nuts. Is it okay if I leave out the nuts?

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    5. We tried to leave Lady Lilith out but she just keeps coming back week after week.

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  16. Happy New Year, gentlemen. And I'm sure Trey and Matt are saving you guys a choice spot beside the toilet bucket, somewhere in the bowels of North Korea.

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    1. At least there won't be a shortage of laughs among us all as we're beaten with sticks and made to do grueling slave labor.

      Delete
  17. Hold on, while I appreciate your putting significant events of 2014 in list form, if you're going to be taken seriously as journalists, your list has to be simple one liners with no context and a salacious click-bait headline to induce online rage. Otherwise it doesn't count as lazy sensationalism, the hallmark of all online year-end lists.

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    1. Crap! We also forgot to split up a list of 10 things into 5 pages so that we can generate more hits. 10,000 hits from random people is great, but getting 50,000 hits out of those same people is where it's at! This shit matters, people!

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  18. BEER BOYS ~
    The fact that I only understood what you were yakking about in this blog bit maybe 15% of the time leaves me feeling intelligenter than I have in years. I got the Bill Cosby reference and the basics of the Sony yakking--- er, hacking, I mean. But the rest of it was Greek to me.

    I guess I'm doing a pretty good job of remaining ign'ant, which leaves me feeling intelligenter than the average boob--- er, bear, I mean.

    May your 2015 be the shizest of all!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Consider yourself extremely lucky, then! I don't subscribe to TV service, I don't ever get on Facebook, I don't ever leave the house... and yet somehow all of this garbage has infected my brain. I just pray that come next year we won't be reporting about how, "like, shit's all retarded now, bro. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know."

      Delete
  19. I had no idea with selfie being in the dictionary!!!! Whoa. Our world…

    And I'm totally laughing right now because my end of the year blog post is all dramatic and cheesy serious and you guys are hilariously awesome. Makes me wish I was funny.

    Thanks for the laughs all year. I'm so glad I've gotten to "know" you guys. You really do make me smile and make my day a little brighter every time I come to visit your page. I'm hoping for wonderful things for you in 2015. :)

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    1. My 60 year old mother used the word "selfie" in a sentence the other day and I felt a small part of my brain just wither up and detach from my skull.

      Everybody's good at different things, and your post was sweet and motivational. If we attempted that we'd A) fail miserably B) come across as jackasses C) get mass e-mails asking if one of us was dying.

      We wish great things for you in 2015, too! Keep being awesome, keep writing great words, and keep making people's days brighter with your fantastically wonderful comments.

      ...See? We suck at sweet.

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  20. Ah yes. 2014. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and the Stupid. I'm not sure which of those last three annoys me the most.

    In looking at the long list of child actors who have ended up as the most screwed up people on the planet, I seriously have to wonder whether or not the whole institution of "childhood acting" ought to be done away with altogether. By now, we should have put it together that Hollywood is pretty much a factory for turning out defective human beings.

    "Password123" will get you into that entire database? Geez, man! Here I've been trying to hack into databases with really complex stuff. Like "Freckleface9876" and "YoMamaSux432"! (That last one will get you into Kanye West's email account, but don't ask how I know that...)

    Overall, it really has been a great year, though. I'm looking forward to your series about the NSA agent. It sounds hilariously awesome! Best wishes for your New Year!

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    1. That sounds like a slogan. Hollywood: turning out more defective human beings than smoking during a pregnancy!

      Sure, we could all get into Kanye's e-mail account, but do we really want to? Is it worth it? The man's so vain I bet he just sends e-mails to himself about how great he is. And then responds to them. He's still stuck on that and hasn't yet learned how to read or respond to others.

      And I don't like to brag, but I think this NSA agent story is the funniest thing we've ever written. Test audiences* rate it off the charts and said they laughed constantly.

      *Close, biased friends that read parts of it

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    2. I don't know. Reading those emails that Kanye sends back and forth to himself would probably be pretty funny.

      "Hey Kanye! You so dope, man. Don't forget to send one of your people to buy Milk Duds."

      "Kanye! Thanks, man. You keep on goin'. Be kick ass and remember: Nobody is as great as you are! I forgot about the Milk Duds, but maybe you'll remember to send somebody."

      This single conversation goes on for months. It's incredible.

      PS: That Hollywood slogan needs to be on a t-shirt or something.

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  21. This post is almost as funny as the people who think Bill Cosby is innocent.

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    1. That may be one of the greatest compliments we've ever gotten. Thank you, kind sir.

      And really, who would have ever guessed a guy that looks like this is a pervert.

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    2. I really hope the women write a book called Bill Cosby does the darndest things

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    3. Ah yes, let us not forget that this man was once put on a show where he was left alone with our children... and it ran for 3 years. Good job America!

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    4. I still don't understand why people seem so surprised by the accusations against Billy Cosby. It's been going on for years. Am I the only person who noticed?

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    5. From what I understand it's been covered up all these years just enough that your typical person didn't really know about it. I never even heard it joked about, not the same way you'd hear, say, Michael Jackson being made fun of for being a kiddie-fiddler.

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  22. I don't even want to deal with the Bill Cosby thing. Is there anyone who isn't a sexual predator anymore?

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    1. Hey, I'm not. I'm just a nice, respectable guy with some free candy that you can find in the back of my windowless van.

      Delete
  23. Brilliant, you may want to back your stuff up though in case they decide to hack you.

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    1. Oh, this isn't our first dance with the supreme reader. Nor will this be our rast.

      Delete
  24. Oh I just love this list and the comics-Love the "FIN" at the end of your delightful animated short. It's right up there with Bambi Meets Godzilla. Sony is laughing all the way to the bank! There is no such thing as bad publicity. I would add Aeroflot (spelling) with Malaysia Airlines. Bill Cosby always gave me the creeps from his Fat Albert Days to his creepy "I'm the best dad and don't cross me or I will destroy your career Lisa Bonet" 1980's dad. I liked him the best in Mother, Jugs and Speed (Harvey Keitel is Speed, Raquel Welch is Jugs). Now if we can just tell these nutjob has been youngins about Brandon De Wilde maybe they would smarten up. Oh You forgot about Justin Bieberhead and his big mean macho...oh I can't finish that sentence without cracking up.

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    1. I had to google Bambi Meets Godzilla. That was spectacular. Right up there with Batman Eats My Little Pony.

      And hey, don't you make fun of Justin Bieber like that. She's a very proud, strong lesbian woman just trying to make her career in pop music.

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  25. Replies
    1. Apparently it's been going on for almost a full year. Slipped practically under the radar.

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  26. The greatest (and perhaps saddest) part of your "hyper-realistic masterpiece" is that I immediately know who that is without context or explanation. Amazing times we live in, indeed.

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    1. And just the fact that someone like Mama June and her foul piglet spawn can become rich and famous for simply being terrible human beings... If that isn't the American dream, I don't know what is.

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  27. Will you light my candle?

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Only if you help pay the rent. I can't really hold down a job with all of this AIDS I've got.

      Delete
  28. I am sure I'm not the first to say this....while I appreciate that one has to be athletic to play soccer, any game that can end in a 0-0 tie simply is no fun to watch.

    My favorite event of 2014? With sincere sympathy to those actually infected, all of the US paranoia surrounding ebola. Excuse me while I reapply my hand sanitizer...

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    1. Completely agree with you. Even in a game like hockey the lowest score you'll see is 1-0, which is A) pretty rare and B) there's plenty of fights in between that to distract you from the lack of scoring. On the other hand, though, I don't like basketball because it's pretty much just expected that you're going to score over 100 points. What kind of BS defense is that? Back and forth scoring constantly, and you just see who can score slightly more. "Well, the other team scored 100 points, but we scored 102, so we win!"

      Also, I don't know who ebola's publicist is, but they did an amazing job, considering it's a disease that killed less people than Kim Kardashian has been married to.

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  29. BMW made a great point about how sadly recognizable your "hyper-realistic masterpiece" is! Actually, most of this is pretty darn sad, but you still found a way to make us laugh through it all. I even wrote a paper about Bill Cosby in grammar school. This was shortly after I Spy, and long before The Cosby Show. His image was so squeaky clean that he was adamant about never
    swearing during a standup routine. What a huge waste of talent! Speaking of talent, love the
    password and Candy Crush bits!

    Brandon and Bryan, wishing you, and your families all the best in 2015! Thanks for all of your hilarious adventures, and ongoing support!

    Julie

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    1. And thank you for your own support! Without awesome people like you coming by and commenting, we have no idea if our readers like what we post or not. Isn't it weird getting a certain number of traffic and knowing only a small fraction ever say anything? The rest just kinda... lurk and then leave? And theoretically return?

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    2. Some people may actually feel intimidated about leaving comments here, because you've set the bar so high. You don't get the usual "nice post," and "lol's," because you don't take shortcuts in bringing us quality entertainment. So sometimes even if you get a nervous hang-up, it doesn't mean you're not appreciated, Bryan and Brandon.

      Julie

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    3. We also stopped allowing anonymous comments so you pretty much have to have some kind of blogger account to respond. It sucks, because we got a lot of great comments from strangers, but we also got an ungodly amount of spam and just couldn't keep up with it. You're right, we've got some of the best commenters here, yourself included, and we don't want those comment threads blocked out by 100 "HEY FRIEND THANKS FOR NICE POST I WAS LEARN MANY SO YOU GO HERE FOR BUY CHEAP INDIAN TEXTILES" comments.

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  30. Excellent recap. I think you covered everything. The Bill Cosby thing had me laughing. I will be saying that shit all day long now. Gonna zmokededy zmoke some venison zalamis.
    Have a great new year!

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    1. You have a zippity zip zop New Year yourself, Bippity Bushman, and zoobity zave zome of that zausage for us, will you?

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  31. Well, 2014 was a year. I bet 2015's going to be one as well.
    I really don't have as much to say as I usually do about the whole "this year in recap" thing. God be with me, I still have to write a roundup post for tomorrow!

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    1. You wrote a killer roundup, sir, and you didn't even need a lame Facebook "Your year in pictures" slideshow to drive it home.

      If you're wondering about my own "Year in pictures" (which you're clearly not) I can sum it up in 3 words. So. Many. Cats.

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  32. Hell - what a post - no Malaysian airlines for me, ever! Smith kids fuken - you;re probably right.. saw an interview - those two be strange. Biggest 2014 event? I thought Ebola was a nice one to remember... especially the stupid nurse that stopped for food on the way home to be quarantined. Obamacare still lingered - after all that time thinking I might get me some socialist healthcare - I didn't qualify. (Old song alert!! "Your papa may care, your mama may care... but God bless the child that's got his own - that's got his own"... 'cause obama don't care.)

    Is it true Kim had surgery on both ankles because he wears high heeled shoes and messed them up? I think that was a 2014 event not mentioned too many places in the news.

    (Brandon & Bryan - thanks for visiting me this year!)
    Ooh - NSA agent - I smell a profile! Have a very happy & prosperous 2015.

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    1. And a happy and prosperous 2015 to you as well. One that doesn't include diabetes ankles or having said diabetes ankles treated poorly with Obamacare. Obamacare: bringing cheap, affordable healthcare to no one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go sell my kidney, as my wife is getting a very minor surgery next month and it's going to cost me more than my life is currently worth.

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  33. Guys, I love your site and I'm looking forward to the new year and your hilarious outlook. Have a happy new year - be safe and blessed. But most of all, laugh your hiney off.

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    1. You have a happy New Year, too! We're going to celebrate ours by counting down to midnight, clinking beer glasses, cheersing loudly and obnoxiously... and then immediately going home and crawling into bed and wondering why we ever stayed up so late. The joys of being in our 30s now.

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  34. A much better review of the year than I have heard or read elsewhere. Happy New Year boys!!

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    1. Thanks, and happy New Year to you too! We figure it's only a matter of time before the world its getting its weekly news from us. You know, as such reliable sources of world events.

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  35. "I took a pee on you... and still you're cold... when we play..." Sorry, that's the unedited version I listen to when I'm sad. Naked Kate Upton looks like a refrigerator and is in dire need of that pee. On second thought, give it to Bill Cosby.

    Happy new year, fellas!

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    1. Happy New Year to you, too! I sure hope Coldplay doesn't write the follow up song to that. They might piss you off.

      "I took a poo, I took a poo on you... and it was all blue..."

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  36. Atomic wedgie death, what a year, Happy New Year boys!

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    1. Make sure it doesn't happen to you in 2015, Fran! It could practically happen to anyone! Happy New Year!

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  37. I think my favorite part of this past year has got to be the child stars going bat shit crazy. Shia..I mean who would have thought he was a little psycho? Maybe one of those evil little transformers snuck into his brain via his ear canal and took over in there? Yeah, probably not.

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    1. I'm just more surprised by Will Smith's kids being bat shit crazy. You'd think having Will Smith as a dad would just be the most awesome experience for a kid. And yet, whatever he's done to them, he needs to stop. NOW.

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  38. Well, I hadn't heard about some of this, so now I will dream about atomic wedgies...thank you for that. On the plus side, Mr. RK and I both hate Cold Play, and are still snickering about the first cartoon. Because those words will be in my head the next time that God awful song comes on the radio.

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    1. You mean you don't love Chris Martin and his whiny voice now that he's reinvented the band as an electro dance group full of 40 year old men? That sounds like a real party to me.

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  39. Qantas Airlines should change their motto to "Come With Us If You Want to Live" and get The Ahnold to be their spokesperson. They could show a Malaysian airlines going down in response to Ahnold doing that weird guttural sound he does that gets mocked so often. Then you can report on that next year.

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    1. That would only work if they start offering helicopter services.

      "GET TO ZE CHOPPAH!"

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  40. 2014 was pretty awesome and I am loving just how your comics have evolved. Talking football, 2015 might just be the year I get to see a real live American football game in Texas.
    (My brain is tired and I am trying to write a decent comment so you dont reply with a recipe, although if you do, can you make it for something like whoopie pie?)

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    1. Who can resist soft chocolate sandwich cookies filled with a layer of fluffy white frosting? Mom has made these for years...they're a treat that never lasted very long with me and my two brothers around!

      Ingredients
      1/2 cup baking cocoa
      1/2 cup hot water
      1/2 cup shortening
      1-1/2 cups sugar
      2 eggs
      1 teaspoon vanilla extract
      2-2/3 cups all-purpose flour
      1 teaspoon baking powder
      1 teaspoon baking soda
      1/4 teaspoon salt
      1/2 cup buttermilk
      FILLING:
      3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
      Dash salt
      1 cup 2% milk
      3/4 cup shortening
      1-1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
      2 teaspoons vanilla extract

      Directions
      In a small bowl, combine cocoa and water. Cool for 5 minutes. In a large bowl, cream shortening and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the eggs, vanilla and cocoa mixture. Combine dry ingredients; gradually add to creamed mixture alternately with buttermilk, beating well after each addition
      Drop by rounded tablespoonfuls 2 in. apart onto greased baking sheets. Flatten slightly with a spoon. Bake at 350° for 10-12 minutes or until firm to the touch. Remove to wire racks to cool.
      In a small saucepan, combine flour and salt. Gradually whisk in milk until smooth; cook and stir over medium-high heat until thick, 5-7 minutes. Remove from heat. Cover and refrigerate until completely cool.
      In a small bowl, cream the shortening, sugar and vanilla until light and fluffy. Add milk mixture; beat for 7 minutes or until fluffy. Spread filling on half of the cookies; top with remaining cookies. Store in the refrigerator. Yield: 2 dozen.

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    2. Thank you. I love you guys xx

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  41. I'm just glad it's 2015, because I'll have months and months of saying I'm gonna do stuff before I start to realize that I'm not gonna do the stuff. Complete positivity at this point.

    Ah, Bill Cosby, that sweet little ol' man who couldn't possibly be guilty, as I heard at the Christmas dinner table from my family. Clearly all those women were lying and in it for "the money." Maybe the next time you do a cartoon on something 'controversial' you can clear it by my family of incredibly accurate fact checkers?? Oh, and also, there's no racism anymore and 'the gays' are ruining marriage, just in case you wanted to know...

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    1. I also have it on authority that "those god damned Mexicans" are stealing all our jobs. Oh God, we have the same families, don't we?

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  42. Happy New Year Beer Boys! You guys sound like you already have 2015 nailed.

    btw, if Jaden & Willow go crazy, it's probably because their parents openly have an "open" marriage aka free to fiddle around or as Cosby might say "OK to bippity bop with whatever slippety slut I want".

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