Monday, November 3, 2014

50% of the Time It Fails Every Time

The two of us were reading a newspaper the other day, which is amazing, because we thought newspapers were dead. Also, it's almost impossible for us to share something without squabbling over it and physically destroying it, which is why that one poor girl in fifth grade got King Solomon'd so hard and her two mangled halves still won't talk to us. But regardless, we read something in a newspaper recently that alarmed us.






That's right. Statistics say that fifty percent of all modern marriages have been shown to end in divorce. And since we all know that statistics are unquestionably true scientific fact, this comes as troubling news to the two married men who run this blog... us. Because, as the fates have dictated, one of our marriages is doomed, so we wanted to find out which of us it was going to be.

And it wasn't easy, because both of us are happy as clams and healthy as horses.





On the exterior, we both have seemingly happy marriages. We needed to dig deeper. So, being the amateur scientists that we are, we decided to get to the bottom of this with thorough scientific research. Sure, we could have talked to our wives, but that's not science or statistics. So instead, we treated them like lab rats and monitored their behaviors toward us.








But the research just wasn't conclusive. Nothing pointed to either of us getting divorces. So Brandon, always a man of action, decided it was time to take out his trusty shotgun and shoot Bryan in the face. Why? Well, if Bryan is dead, then Brandon's just one married person. And 1 out of every 1 person getting divorced? That's not a likely statistic! Brandon would inevitably be divorce free. But before he could blast Bryan in the face and save his marriage, his co-author found something startling.








Yes, that's right, as 30 year old guys with wives in their mid 20s, this meant that whomever of us gets a divorce, it would clearly be the woman's fault. So we stopped worrying about it so much, knowing that if our marriages ever went into the proverbial crapper, that statistically it wouldn't be our doing. No, our wives would be to blame.

And that's not sexist. That's just plain science, folks. Statistics don't lie.

Cheers and stay classy, folks,
B&B

Beer: Ballast Point Pale Ale
Music: Jack Kovacs

P.S. the winners of last week's Two Sentence Horror Story Challenge were as follows:

"The anesthesia started setting in before the oral surgery. As the blackness seeped in, I heard the dentist's zipper." - Pickleope

"Someone, please help!!" she screamed. "There's been so many re-runs of The Big Bang Theory!!!" - Michael D'Agostino

"I painted my face black for Halloween. I was immediately shot by a police officer." - Workingdan

If racist police brutality, an onslaught of America's dumbest "smart" show, and getting violated by your dentist doesn't horrify you, then we don't know what will. Thanks to everyone who participated!

Now then, feel free to squabble amongst yourselves in the comment section about which of you is going to get divorced. With 100+ comments a week, that's at least 30-40 people who are destined for marital failure.

120 comments:

  1. Darn those women! All started with the apple, didn't it?
    What about guys pushing fifty? What are our odds? Can we still blame the woman?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The statistics chart I was looking at doesn't even show anyone over the age of 40. Men 35-39 are only 6.5% likely as it is, so I theorize that men 40-50, by not being shown, are obviously 0% likely to divorce. Enjoy that guaranteed marital success, my friend!

      Delete
  2. What you need to do is make friends with two other degenerates who got married in Las Vegas or because of an unexpected pregnancy (a "whoopsie-baby") or were high school sweethearts. Something that will statistically ensure your marriages last. That's why I don't have friends. Only one of me, 100% success rate. That's how stats work.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Damn your infallible logic. It checks out. According to these statistics I pulled off the Internet (and the Internet doesn't lie) Nevada is the state with the highest divorce rate. We need some Vegas friends, stat.

      Also, consider "whoopsie-baby" now added to my regular vocabulary, you bronze god among phrases.

      Delete
  3. I skew the study. Two marriages and two divorces....add an engagement that ended 3 months before the wedding and a live in relationship that died after a year. I am 4 for 4. Clearly that means I have relationship issues. I am starting to feel sorry for my kids and cats that are forced to live with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you haven't divorced your kids or your cats, so maybe the secret to success lies purely with being forced to live together? Have you tried an arranged marriage put together by very angry Indian parents, or perhaps committing a crime and marrying a fellow prisoner?

      Delete
  4. The two of you need to line up another woman. That way, whichever one of you gets divorced, he will have that back-up for his second marriage.

    And actually, if I understand statistics right, you might need two back-ups. Each of you has a fifty percetn chance of divorce, regardless of what happens with the other one, in the same way the NEXT coin flip has a 50% shot at heads regardless of the last flip.

    So get two back-ups.

    Oh, and SECOND marriages have an even higher chance of failure than first marriages (something like 50%), so you might been FOUR back-ups wives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment gets my award for the Most Katy Typos of the Week!

      Woohoo!

      Delete
    2. You think that's bad? Third marriages have a 70% chance of failure. It's practically guaranteed. I think we're gonna need a whole damn harem of backup women, and they need to be strong to put up with our shenanigans. So I'll reach out to some feminists. They love being strong, independent backup harem women.

      Delete
    3. Feminists love being back-up harem women, and also the idea of dowries. So mention that, too.

      "I married you because your father through in some cattle with the deal."

      Delete
    4. "Threw," not "through."

      This is the last time I let my four year old post comments in my name.

      Delete
    5. Also, still more coherent than anything you'll find those neckbeards typing over at Reddit, so you're good.

      Delete
  5. I've been waiting for your wives to run off together and live happily ever after in lesbian bliss. That's real life, boys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It seems more plausible than them wanting to stay with our stupid asses for eternity. Frankly, I'm just surprised it hasn't happened sooner.

      Delete
  6. Those horror story winners are priceless, in the scariest of ways.

    So if your wives are 36 percent likely to divorce, but you're only 11 percent likely to divorce, do you split the difference and divorce 23.5 percent of the time? Who gets the dogs the other 76.5 percent of the time?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. And with 4 dogs, are they split up 19.125% of the time? God, math is so confusing. No wonder people hate math. All it brings is dog divorce.

      Delete
  7. What if 50% of your reasoning is wrong? Does that mean 50% of this post went down the crappier? So 50% of 50% of marriages are safe? So 25% of marriages end, leaving 50% of people wrong about the 50%? Did you make out 50% of this comment? I'm only 50% through. As I'm 50% sure Bryan needs teeth crack filler. 50% too much beer rotted 50% of your teeth? But I am 100% sure you blame the wife, all their fault 50% of the time.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'm only about 7% sure of what's going on right now, but I'm 42% sure that my marriage will end in blissful success and 21% sure that it'll end in sweet, cleansing flame.

      Delete
  8. You guys really do get a lot of comments. One of my favourite Simpsons quotes is something like "Well you can prove anything with statistics. 54% of people know that." I'm not sure on the number but changing it all the time just makes it funnier because it shows the inconsistencies of statistics. I heard the "50% of marriages ends in divorce" thing years ago. It's been like that for a while. Yes, some people get divorced. Does that mean you're going to? No, not really. Some people go way overboard with statistics.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, that's why this post was so much fun. Those statistics just lump everything together, and don't take into account people who clearly get married for the wrong reasons (a baby, thinking it will fix all of their problems, etc). Or people who get married in Vegas after 1 hour of knowing each other and then crash and burn. Please don't lump me in with those, okay statistics? Because I'm 54% sure that my marriage has a 215% stronger base than any of those do.

      Delete
  9. You, instead of worrying about who gets divorced, try to be more like me and defy the odds. Cast aside those statistics and scientific studies and propel yourself beyond all logical reason. Be the exception. Be the miracle.

    Sure, some people may call it "settling" but at least you won't be divorced.

    Just kidding, I love my wife!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wow, Dan, that speech just inspired me so much I want to go out and score 10 goals for the 1980 Winter Olympics USA men's hockey team.

      WHAT DO WE WANT?
      "To settle!"
      WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
      "...Meh, whenever."

      Delete
    2. You must first learn how to ice skate....and THAT I would pay to see!

      Delete
    3. You think I can't ice skate? This is Colorado, where everyone skis to work and ice skates to the grocery store.

      Delete
    4. Ah, I tend to forget that I live in Indiana...where there is ice on the ground long enough to get your skates on. By the time you head out the door, all the ice has melted and its 70 degrees. The next day it would be -15 degrees....but with no ice.

      Delete
  10. Never trust statistics. It's like they say: "There are lies, damn lies, and then there's statistics." Those numbers can be manipulated and finagled so hard, until they show what the researchers want them to show. Unless you have a basic knowledge of statistics and know what to look for, take whatever is being reported in a study with a grain of salt. Sadly, most people don't have any knowledge of statistics whatsoever, so they'll believe anything in print.

    "Statistics show that men are 67% more likely to be abducted by aliens than hermaphrodites." (You can interpret that in whatever manner you deem appropriate...)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I love statistics, though. Like the one that says, "Kim Kardashian has had more husbands than the number of people who've died of Ebola." Which is terrifying. Because we should all fear the true enemy - Kim. Ebola just liquefies your insides, but Kim K. liquefies your brain. And your SOUL.

      Delete
    2. Ick. The Kardashians. 'Nuff said.

      I've got a new post up. Finally. So Bryan is not allowed to start hating me!

      Delete
    3. So... can Brandon hate you, or is this a package deal?

      Delete
    4. Only people who read my blog are allowed to say they hate me, but let's face it: I'm WAAAY to adorable for anyone to ACTUALLY hate me. :)

      Delete
  11. Well, BEER BOYS, your math seems 100% accurate 100% of the time that it's completely accurate. And since math has always been my weak link 100% of the time that I attempt to do math, which is only 5% of the time, let me axe y'all this question:

    What percentage of men who never get married get divorced?

    The only reason I axe is because I have never gotten married and I'm curious to know what the odds are that my love affair with myself will last until death does me part (which I understand happens exactly roughly 100% of the time that it happens, which is pretty frequent, although there are no clear statistics on just how frequent).

    Did you ever read the popular book 'FREAKONOMICS'? I did, and I found the authors were probably wrong 80% of the time, which made my decision to buy the book a poor one. However, I did get the book for half price off, so I was really only out... uhm... 40% the cost of the book?? Dat right?

    My head hurts. I'm gonna drink 100% of three six-packs of beer and go to bed. (If I vomit half of it, will I wake up later only 150% hungover?)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm 112% sure I didn't read Freakonomics and 210% sure I don't even know what that is. Is that anything like Reaganomics?

      According to statistics, you're still likely to get a divorce. Even worse, gay marriage statistics are included in that figure. So just be careful, my single, straight friend, because one day you could find yourself at the tail end of a very bitter lesbian divorce. The numbers have dictated it.

      Delete
  12. Those stories are as horrifying as they are funny. As is marriage in itself. A funny thing. I honestly couldn't even guess if my current marriage will fail, as I didn't see the failing of my first marriage coming. Until a few months into the marriage at least. It's hard for anyone to be married to me, I'm awful. I'm funny, then crabby, then cooking a great meal, then passed out drunk in a pool of my own bodily fluid. It takes a special kind of person. Does my husband have what it takes? I feel like only time will tell. I'll keep you posted on the journey by blogging and tweeting every stupid thing he says though. He's ok with that.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I don't watch reality shows, but admittedly, I'd watch you drunkenly nagging your husband in a pool of bodily fluid any day of the week. Have you reached out to The Discovery Channel or The Learning Channel? These days, they'll pretty much air anything. I mean, ANYTHING.

      Delete
  13. Success Brandon should be its own meme.

    I've also got a few statistics of my own: 99.99% of singletons are likely to never get divorced. We leave that 00.01% margin of error for those who decide to wed themselves.

    100% of those doomed to become Crazy Cat Ladies but are allergic to cats will instead become Crazy Dog Ladies. True fact.

    -Barb

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hmmm, I don't think that meme has as much potential. "Drank my beer without choking on my own backwash - SUCCESS!"

      Oh, and don't forget those single people who do things like marry a rock or the Eiffel tower. Also, thank you for bringing up the topic of Crazy Dog Ladies, because I don't think enough people are aware of them. They are very real, and I should know, because I have enough dog "business cards" to prove it.

      Delete
  14. There may be some truth in those stats. I got my divorce in my twenties as I married a jerk the first time around. . .They (who wrote the article didn't include variables such as unsuitability, esteem abuse, calling wife names to his co-workers, etc. etc. . .) I countersued and got it on incompatibility. That's an understatement. . .
    Second time I picked a winner and kept him. Glad you guys figured out that, yes, we women can see the trouble signs long before the men.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ooh, good point. I thought it was weird that women were to blame. They just see the trouble signs early. That makes sense. My wife hasn't seen any trouble signs yet, so either we're golden or she's just really bad at being a woman. But still, that's a 50% risk I'm willing to take.

      Delete
  15. Fear not. The longer you remain together, the greater the odds are that you'll stay together. My hubby and I got hitched more than 45 years ago, (Why yes, I WAS but a mere zygote...) and after all those years, we now share a single mind. We need each other to fill in the blanks.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Now THOSE are some statistics I can get behind. The wife and I have only been married 4 years, but that's still 4 more years than my fellow co-author, whose number is currently zero (or, I guess about 1 month if you want to be completely accurate). Only 41 years until my marital fate is sealed for good!

      Delete
  16. You've both proven that you're capable of long term commitment. Sixty percent of gay relationships fail. in the first year, but you guys are still going strong. So if anyone is going to do the leaving it will be your wives. So you are indeed correct. But on the bright side, you'll always have each other.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I believe it was Albert Einstein that once brilliantly theorized "Bros before hoes." And it's true. Wives come and go, but gay co-authorship lasts an eternity. Who needs a woman when you can write really lonely fanfiction about one? "Tonight I'm going to bed Hermione Grainger while Katniss Everdeen watches." Yeah, nothing weird about that.

      Delete
  17. So, say I got married and then came over to hang with you folks. Who'd be getting divorced then?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Great, my brain just threw up in my skull. WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW, NUMERICAL STATISTICS?

      Uh, one of us would get divorced, and one of us would just get separated, work it out, and then resent his spouse for the rest of his life...? So... half divorce, aka divorce limbo.

      Delete
    2. Sounds like a pretty average marriage to me.

      Delete
    3. Damn. I laughed and felt sad at the same time. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a clown.

      Delete
  18. B&B:
    ROFL...that...is ...PRICELESS...!
    I have GOT to show Wifey your facts and figures.
    And then tell her it'll be HER fault if the big split ever happens.
    (getting too old to run away for any length of time, as it is.
    Can still sprint up a storm, though.

    And while that 50% stat is something to think on, there's another one even MORE startling...
    ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of all living people WILL DIE...no getting around that (and I've been checking for loopholes for DECADES).

    Yes, we ALL get the "death sentence:"

    I know what't you're thinking...
    "But we're INNOCENT...really"
    kinda sucks.

    Great post.

    Stay cool and take care out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To go along with that, did you know that 100% of people who drink water will die? This is why I drink beer.

      Delete
  19. My bet is, if they were deranged enough to marry you in the first place, they are deranged enough to stay with you guys for the long haul.

    Excellent comments. The dentist one made me chuckle, now the people in room with me think I am a bit insane- but oh well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. People around us just know we're insane, so it's okay. Welcome to the dark side. Embrace that insanity. You're never lonely when you crack yourself up.

      Delete
  20. I am divorced; therefore, X is divorced. Favorite Young Man is divorced; therefore, his ex-wife is divorced. I think we've taken care of your share of divorces. You can remain married.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The fact that you would take on that burden, even years before knowing us, so that we both could remain married... that's just a level of selflessness I've never known. Thank you.

      YOU HEAR THAT, GODS OF STATISTICS? YOU CANNOT TAKE US NOW.

      Delete
    2. You can count on me, gentlemen.

      Delete
  21. For every two happy guys like you, there'll be two other guys who are ready to eat the end of a gun if they can't get the papers signed TOMORROW. Or, if those guys are happy, then there will be four other miserable guys somewhere. Statistics are funny that way. That's why people don't tend to lose much sleep over them.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. So wait, which ones are we in this situation? Because I don't even like the taste of guns.

      You can see now why I failed both math and reasoning classes.

      Delete
    2. I've never had the pleasure of eating a gun, but sometimes I kiss mine goodnight.

      At least I still have you, some guns.

      Delete
  22. Well, my parents married each other, divorced each other, married each other AGAIN and, yes, divorced again. So it's possible that the 50% of divorces only represent 25% of couples, yes? So that would mean, until you guys are with two other couples, you are safe.

    That made perfect sense, no?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So if we divorce each other, then just remarry again, we'll have covered the statistic and ensure our marriage lasts forever? Sounds good to me!

      Delete
  23. I'll be like women, and blame a man. King Henry VIII that is.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, that's true; his entire marriage history probably offsets us, our friends, and our immediate families. Smart thinking!

      Delete
  24. Not to go all sciencey, but most statistics worded like yours look at all divorces. However, people who have been married multiple times have much higher divorce rates as they go along. When you take those out and look at only divorce rates among first time couples, the %s go down quite a bit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But how do I know I won't be married six times myself? And at what point should I tell my other five wives that one of us should probably get a divorce because dealing with six women at once is pure hell?

      Delete
  25. I'm glad statistics saved your marriages! Mine had been skewed by the part about "somewhat intelligent men marrying idiots." But since Laurie and I aren't married (or even "with benefits") there is zero chance of us getting divorced.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We didn't even consider that whole "idiot" thing when taking these all into account. Good thinking. I'm no genius, but I'm definitely not an idiot!

      And what? No benefits? Then how do pay for your medical insurance?

      (Uh oh, I may have to take that first part back)

      Delete
  26. Wait, i know TWO divorced people. Therefore, it balances out and neither of you have to get divorced. YOU'RE WELCOME.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My God! Gia, you just saved our marriages! How can we ever thank you??

      Delete
  27. Well, I only read 50% of the post...so this comment is probably only worth a tenth of that.

    In response to Andrew's comment, I have often seen that 50% quoted as a percentage on first marriages-but will allow that you can manipulate statistics to make your point-my Back In The USSR blog does that to a fault!.

    Someone else made a comment about the 70% of second marriages failing stat, which should not surprise anyone.

    A lot of the reasons 50% of marriages fail are poor choices in the first place (I know a lot people who selected their spouse simply because of how their butt looked in jeans), and not realizing that the "irreconciable differences" you're leaving your "once-Prince Charming" or "former-Princess Leia" for are just going to be traded for another set of things that drive you up the wall from spouse number two.

    I remember my oldest brother being beet-face red with rage talking about his wife squeezing the toothpaste tube from the middle.

    Wow-couldn't you just buy another tube? Or maybe one of those pump packages?

    If he'd gotten a divorce, how much you want to bet that wife #2 would always leave the lights on in the other room?

    I've never been married, but have done my fair share of counseling family and friends (other men-would not dare to try to understand the female mind).

    How?

    Easy to see the problem when you have no vested interest in it.

    I am sure it's easier said than done, but my advice to a couple of guys who were on the verge of leaving was quite simple-treat her like you did while you were dating.

    I often get attacked for this statement, but I know it is true.

    The first couple of months of dating is the BEST the relationship will ever be.

    The behavior ALWAYS declines.

    Stay with me. I am not saying everyone turns into that guy from "Sleeping With The Enemy" or into Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction."

    The variable is the slope of the decline.

    But show me the happiest married couple in the world, and when pressed, they can come up with things that the other used to do that went by the wayside.

    Why are they happy?

    They probably paid attention to such things while dating, and they focused on what is important.

    How do you make sure you're in the 50% that sticks?

    Remember what's important. Don't worry about the stupid toothpaste tube. Remember how you felt when you were preparing for that first date.

    Can you always pull it off? Of course not! Marriage is work. So work at it.

    Me? Always been single.

    And I know what they say-married men live longer.

    But they wish they didn't....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Fan-freaking-tastic comment, L.C.! And a firm amen to everything you said.

      Married people always seem to get "bored" of the guy/gal that sits around in their dirty pajamas watching TV all day, but they also aren't willing to get dressed up and go on a hot date with their spouse. Why not? Isn't that exactly what you'd do with someone else if you were single? I don't know ANYONE who goes on a first date that consists of a woman putting her hair in a ponytail, wearing her size XL mustard stained t-shirt and eating a pizza while watching reruns on TV. So why settle for that (constantly) in marriage? We all need to be comfortable, but if that's the only way I ever saw my wife I'd probably go batshit crazy. And vice versa.

      We both do our best to always look good for one another. That includes working out, too. I think that's crap that once you're married you just have permission to automatically get fat and lazy. I remember an old friend got divorced and said, "Well, I better start working out again." The only think I could think was "Why didn't you work out when you were with your wife if it's such a big deal to impress your mate?"

      Also, that not getting mad over the small stuff is HUGE. My wife is still to this day surprised that I don't get mad over accidents. For example, a few weeks ago she spilled an entire mug of my freshly brewed, $20 a bag kona coffee all over my pants. It burned like hell, and it looked like I pissed myself. And my automatic response? I laughed. It was funny. And then I helped her clean it up. I know she didn't do it on purpose. I know she didn't willingly scald me with coffee. Accidents happen. Life's too short to squabble over the petty crap, and I always promised that when I got married I wouldn't get angry over the little things that were not done to me intentionally.

      Uh oh, that almost sounded like wisdom. I'll stop while I'm ahead. Thanks again for the awesome comment, L.C.

      Delete
  28. Hubby and I have been together for 24 years and I know it's because I have the patience of a damned saint! That's right...we women make sacrifices, tend to be the peacemakers and usually have the most patience in the relationship. Because it takes a lot of patience and time to get our man to act the way we want and after training him to be the obedient little kitchen bitch that he is now, there's no way I'll be letting him go. Even if that means I have to keep him tied to my bed...*eye waggle*

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Dayum, if that isn't the definition of a successful marriage, I don't know what is. I still maintain that I'm untrainable... or maybe that's just what my wife wants me to think. That I'm in control.

      Delete
    2. lol Yeah she's just letting you think you're in control. We have to give our men a little hope.

      Delete
  29. 100+ comments... 30-40 will end in divorce... Aren't half of those comments from you guys? That means you'll get divorced 15-20 times over!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We weren't including ourselves in those figures, but if we need to get divorced 15-20 times, that should be easy. With each additional marriage the likelihood of divorce goes up 10%. It only gets easier. Plus, that means after marriage 5 or 6 you reach 110% chance of divorce, which I imagine to be a black hole of divorce. The second you wed, you just get sucked into limbo where your money as well as your soul is instantly devoured by demons.

      Delete
  30. I've been married and divorced 3 times, and it has NEVER been my fault.

    PS: I'm dating the last ex-hubs. We go out more often and he always picks up the tab!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dating your ex-husband? What is this, a wacky sitcom?

      Delete
  31. I'll save someone...I volunteer. All she does is eat and bitch anyways. I could just get a dog and then I'd have a bitch that eats...oh wait...never mind, same same.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Come on now, you can't have sex with your dog. Well, you can, but we thought you were above that. Your avatar picture now thoroughly creeps us out.

      Delete
    2. No you got it all wrong. The dog is for conversation. You're always right that way.
      The Chinese Health Spa down the road is for sex...I mean massage.

      Delete
    3. Just don't take your dog to the Chinese spa. They may end up serving you some weird tasting fried rice after your, uh, happy ending.

      Delete
  32. Glad your house is free of "chick-fil-ia" though they do make pretty good shakes! Both of your wives know how lucky they are, and they would never leave you unless they met some studly statisticians! We've been married for twenty-seven years, and my mother-in-law has finally gotten over it.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. According to statistics, there's a 0% chance of ever finding a studly statistician, so I think we're good. Also, 27 years AND MIL (begrudged) approval? I think you hit the marital jackpot!

      Delete
  33. Yeah. That's right. Blame it on the women! ;0)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If not them, then who? I see no other viable alternative. None.

      Delete
  34. Lol. I hope you both stay happily married (to your wives) for a long time. No divorce in sight.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We hope so too! And we've both got guns, so if it appears in our sights, we'll just shoot it.

      Delete
  35. If I never get married, the odds of me getting a divorce are at 0%. I think I win.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But what about for those of us who are already married? I didn't know statistics existed before I got married! I was young, and naive, and ignorant of math!

      Delete
  36. Well, Elizabeth Taylor's marriages cover the 50% divorce rate, so we're all in the clear. *tap tap* Is this thing on? Oh, crap. She died?

    Anyway, I'm not in the pool yet, so there's no way i can be left without a towel. Is that even an expression?

    P.S. I'm digging the tags for the post.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks! We gave up on search engine optimization a long time ago, so instead we just have fun with the tags. And Left Without A Towel... isn't that the cheap knockoff of Left Behind? Where the rapture hits, and everyone who forgot their beachwear goes straight to Hell?

      Delete
  37. Don't worry. It's people like Elizabeth Taylor and my mother who skew the statistics. You should be safe ;) Or you could move here and marry each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But what are the statistics for gay divorce? That adds so many more numbers than I'm willing to deal with!

      Delete
  38. love, love, love - 100%
    but does that mean when we reach our forties, then we will get divorced? i hope not!! i hear that's the itchy time and mid-life crisis and boredom and a lot of other tests to the marriage... not to mention the life-changing kids! good luck!! maybe you should do another test...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wait, isn't a mid life crisis averted simply by buying a Corvette? I mean, I don't WANT a Corvette, but I'd still rather do that than have to divorce my wife. I've been with her for a while now and she's kinda grown on me.

      Delete
  39. Your science appears to be solid and if it had been on the Internet, I would have believed it without all of your research. But, it was read in actual print, the kind that smears when it rains, so, I don't believe any of that stuff at all.

    Dan's comment last week rocked!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And don't forget this statistic…

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjvQFtlNQ-M

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    2. What if I told you that Bill O'Reilly quoted it and Dr. Oz endorsed it? Does that help?

      Let us also not forget this!

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHqFnCbKZtw

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  40. This was one of my favorite posts by you fellas yet. As a female who divorced in her 30s a man in his 30s, according to the stats it is 100% his fault. That was how I saw it then... and pretty much see it now. My mistake was in marrying the dude in the first place. Does that change anything? Make it more my fault or less? I am confused. Math does that to me.

    I read several comments before leaving this "masterpiece," and I think LC left one of the best. I want to add this one very important note. People become more of who they actually are when they get married. There are signs of this when you are dating, so pay attention. If someone is lazy, unwilling to compromise, only grudgingly will try anything you want to do when you are dating... when you marry they get lazier, become completely unwilling to compromise, and refuse to do anything you want to do (but they don't). Now this list changes according to the person... but everyone should take note of the things you don't like... because they will only get bigger. Are the things you like/love enough to compensate? Only you can be the judge. But, don't think YOU are very going to change someone else, because it isn't happening. They might change over time... but it will be because those are changes they WANT to make.

    One last bit... in most cases, I think divorce is a bad idea. There are exceptions, of course. As a wise old soul once said, "It's cheaper to keep her."

    On another note... I remember one of you offering to CP my novel several months ago (but couldn't do it at that time), but said that later was a possibility. It is now later and I really need CPs who can identify story/structure issues. Are you still willing????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I had a big reply worked out in my head, but then I realized I'd just be preaching to the choir. Which, to me, is especially funny after you recently posted your choir video.

      All I'll say is this - it's ridiculous that people would ever marry someone they wanted to change, and expect that by marrying them they could somehow mold them into the person they think they want. It reminds me of this great comic.

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  41. I worry too much that my husband could not get through life without me. Not even kidding. So, I do not predict a divorce in my future.

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  42. Sure blame us women.... pfffft
    Though, the scientific reasons seem legit, I think I'll go find one of my friends and introduce her to her demise. I think she'll understand, it's all to save my marriage and all . . .

    S.K. Anthony: My Writing Quirks—IWSG (16)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And with a 50% divorce rate, she probably wasn't going to make it even if she went for a real marriage anyway, right?

      Delete
  43. "Statistics don't lie." Still laughing over that one :)

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  44. You guys are too funny I had to laugh at the comic strip of you testing your wife..haha..don't believe statistics..they can be whatever you want them to be it is all about perspective. I see a great future for you guys.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We both wanted to make sure we were absolutely ready when we got married, which is why we married somewhat late(ish) in life. And preparedness has to count for something, right?

      Delete
  45. Statistics could be wrong, and therefore couples who are gutting married should not let this affect them.

    www.modernworld4.blogspot.com

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  46. Ah statistics; those pesky little bites of information that look so much like facts, but in reality are usually figments of someone's imagination that can be manipulated to swing whichever way necessary to make a point. I never ever trust em.

    When it comes to marriage, I tell everyone who is getting married to try to remember exactly how they felt on the day they tied the knot. Each and everyone of us will need that memory one day to keep from doing something completely stupid. I read through some of the comments above, so I don't need to go into what that something completely stupid might be, but if you can remember back to when you were so blissfully in love, you can also forgive a whole lot of shit.

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    1. Hmmm, I don't know if remembering how I felt on my wedding day is a great thing. Stressed? Glad to have it over with so life as normal can resume? Weddings aren't nearly as romantic as advertised. :)

      You want true bliss? Remember the moment your wedding was over and you knew you never had to do that shit again.

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  47. Boy oh boy - suddenly I'm thankful for being chronically single throughout my 20's.

    Things I never thought I'd say. Thanks for the perspective! :)

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    Replies
    1. Now, if you should ever decide to marry, it's much, MUCH less likely to be your fault. And you have us to thank for that. And numbers, I guess.

      Delete
  48. Replies
    1. Comment is most excellent! I am erect! Read my manifesto!

      My manifesto: For glorious benefit of Blogistan

      Delete
  49. Think about what fruits and veggies you've got enjoyed living in your house. whole all whole totally altogether totally altogether all all all totally different seasons will verify what plant more as "zone" you reside in (you will notice that extremely} really farming book or on the rear of the seed packet). If you are
    payday loans assault growing plants that don't seem to be supported by your area's climate, you will sometimes build a greenhouse if your resources modify.

    ReplyDelete