That's right. Statistics say that fifty percent of all modern marriages have been shown to end in divorce. And since we all know that statistics are unquestionably true scientific fact, this comes as troubling news to the two married men who run this blog... us. Because, as the fates have dictated, one of our marriages is doomed, so we wanted to find out which of us it was going to be.
And it wasn't easy, because both of us are happy as clams and healthy as horses.
On the exterior, we both have seemingly happy marriages. We needed to dig deeper. So, being the amateur scientists that we are, we decided to get to the bottom of this with thorough scientific research. Sure, we could have talked to our wives, but that's not science or statistics. So instead, we treated them like lab rats and monitored their behaviors toward us.
But the research just wasn't conclusive. Nothing pointed to either of us getting divorces. So Brandon, always a man of action, decided it was time to take out his trusty shotgun and shoot Bryan in the face. Why? Well, if Bryan is dead, then Brandon's just one married person. And 1 out of every 1 person getting divorced? That's not a likely statistic! Brandon would inevitably be divorce free. But before he could blast Bryan in the face and save his marriage, his co-author found something startling.
Yes, that's right, as 30 year old guys with wives in their mid 20s, this meant that whomever of us gets a divorce, it would clearly be the woman's fault. So we stopped worrying about it so much, knowing that if our marriages ever went into the proverbial crapper, that statistically it wouldn't be our doing. No, our wives would be to blame.
And that's not sexist. That's just plain science, folks. Statistics don't lie.
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Beer: Ballast Point Pale Ale
Music: Jack Kovacs
P.S. the winners of last week's Two Sentence Horror Story Challenge were as follows:
"The anesthesia started setting in before the oral surgery. As the blackness seeped in, I heard the dentist's zipper." - Pickleope
"Someone, please help!!" she screamed. "There's been so many re-runs of The Big Bang Theory!!!" - Michael D'Agostino
"I painted my face black for Halloween. I was immediately shot by a police officer." - Workingdan
If racist police brutality, an onslaught of America's dumbest "smart" show, and getting violated by your dentist doesn't horrify you, then we don't know what will. Thanks to everyone who participated!
Now then, feel free to squabble amongst yourselves in the comment section about which of you is going to get divorced. With 100+ comments a week, that's at least 30-40 people who are destined for marital failure.