Monday, October 6, 2014

Section 8: The Neighbors You Never Knew You Loved! (Government Subsidized Lousing)

Brandon lives in a pretty sweet neighborhood in Denver. He's close to downtown, has a nice big back yard, and even has a dumpster big enough to house all of his expired beer cans. But the best part of all? His neighbors are amazing. Especially the occupants of the one single house that's government subsidized.

For those who don't know, a Section 8 house is when a homeowner gets paid money by the government to rent his or her house out to low income families. And one of those houses resides right next to Brandon's, which is fantastic for him, because it's always full of such caring, high quality people.

The house itself is easy to spot, because it's the only one on the block that has a nice, busy yard like this one.



And the tenants that come and go, man are they some classy, upstanding citizens that really add a lot to the community. They promote exemplary respect of the local legal statutes, no matter how big or small.



And really, who doesn't love living next to people that chain up illegally kept pit bulls in their backyard all day? Leashes and obedience training and regular feedings are for pussies, anyway.

Besides, these upstanding citizens don't have time or money to feed their dogs, because they have to feed their housemates. You see, Brandon's neighbors are true humanitarians. Not only do they get to live in a nice clean house for next to nothing, but they're always willing to welcome friends and family members in need with open arms. Which is why there's literally a dozen people living in that teeny two-bedroom house, making obnoxiously loud noise at all times of day AND night.

Because just like the broken liquor bottles they love heaving over into Brandon's yard at 2 in the morning, two bedrooms and drunken shouting is something to be shared with all.





And they don't just take great care of themselves, they take great care of the neighborhood, too. In fact, they inspire the most amazing renovation projects. Like pointing out the dangerous frailty of Brandon's fence.


It's just awesome coming home to your fence completely destroyed, with the neighbor nowhere to be found because he's getting his car fixed at the repair shop before the police can see it, even though half of his tail light and chunks of his bumper are still in your own yard.


And the best part of all about living next door to government subsidized housing? There's no need to complain about anything. Ever. Because there's nobody to complain to. When Brandon's fence posts got unexpectedly relocated by the neighbor's careening jalopy, he learned the true beauty of sharing a property line with public housing: irresponsibility isn't just a lifestyle; it's an institution.









Living next to these folks is a true exercise in humility. Some humans in this world cruise through life with the accountability of a bowling ball. Their attitude, IQ, and total worth are about the same too. And sometimes, just sometimes, a person is lucky enough to get them for a neighbor.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have to spend the rest of the week fixing Brandon's fence on his own dime. And to the kindhearted people in the Section 8 house, thank you, so much, for allowing Brandon this amazing DIY experience!

For your next project, perhaps you can destroy his garage? That's been needing a touch up for a while anyway.

Cheers and stay classy, folks,
B&B

Beer: Breckenridge Barleywine Batch #1
Music: The Kooks (in concert, bitches!)

120 comments:

  1. Careful what you wish for. They might build a still in your garage. And then claim you tried to sell them moonshine.
    Sorry about the fence. That just sucks.

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    1. Yeah, but "building" things involves work and they aren't capable of that, so we should be okay. And the plus side is the new fence looks better than the old one, so at least there's that...?

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  2. I think I was at that house the other day to, um, pick up some books I had ordered. They told me about the crazy stuff Brandon does with his fence posts. You should probably expect a constable to be serving you for that.

    Moreover, I think until this whole thing blows over, your wife should probably stay somewhere else. My offer from last week stands.

    Seriously, though, when housing programs like this are not handled responsibly by the government, it actually erodes support for what might otherwise be a good program. These people were clearly not ready for a house.

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    1. Heidi's actually doing well. It's Brandon that they hate, since he calls them on their shenanigans to their faces. But since you're so willing to accommodate someone in need, we'll arrange his stay shortly... how's 6 months?

      Oh, and we genuinely can't figure it out, but the people that stay in that house always turn out to be awful. The fence-rammers aren't the first that Brandon has dealt with, and probably won't be the last. Every single person that lives in that house completes this cycle:

      1) Start off as a quiet single family, keeping to themselves.
      2) Invite 4-5 more people to live with them, even though that's illegal.
      3) Cause noise at all times of night and throw ridiculous parties.
      4) Do something stupid like chain up pit bulls or throw beer bottles into neighbors' yards.
      5) Get kicked out by the city for violating the rules.

      Lather, rinse, repeat. Fence-rammer's now on his last straw and will be immediately kicked out following his next violation... which will probably not take long. We're not anti government assistance for those who need it, but the people that keep cycling in are definitely NOT helping their case.

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  3. If the welfare bums who "can't" (really don't want to) work need a place to go, take them to the woods and give them a tree house, all they deserve. I'd be sooooo tempted to set the place on fire and watch as it burned to the ground, with none of the dozen people in it of course. Then they can move along. Or set up a motion censer in the backyard, then whenever a bottle gets thrown in it have some voice come on, very loud, that says "My asshole neighbors are littering again" or something more vile lol or go find some cockroaches or termites or something and infest the house. Oh or bed bugs, that'll teach them. By the sounds of them they probably already have fleas, so you need something stronger. Or rig up an emp blast and fry everything in their house. The cat has many more if you need them, you don't piss off the cat lmao

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    1. Dayum, do you do freelance work? Because if I ever need an EMP blast or access to termites I now know who to call. Jackpot!

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  4. Better just hope they're not cooking meth over there because any resulting blast will take out you too.

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    1. Between the fence and the possibility of a meth explosion, I think I just need to build a bomb shelter.

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  5. One of my friends just relayed this story to me: he moved to LA and literally just finished signing the lease on his new apartment when the realtor said, "Oh, by the way, in the apartment above you lives a Mariachi band and the people on the other side keep roosters." Ha! But she left out the best part- the apartment also sat directly between two rival gangs. Luckily, he only signed a short term rental agreement and he's already moved on.

    I'm not sure about Colorado, but here in NJ, once you rent to Section 8 tenants, it's virtually impossible to kick them out. Landlords are stuck with them from then on (we're talking YEARS) and unfortunately, so is everybody else who lives near them.

    Sorry about the fence! That truly sucks. Thankfully you have a good friend, like Bryan, to help you repair it.

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    1. Yep, it's true, it's almost impossible to kick them out, no matter what they do. Like ramming someone's fence. And yet somehow they do occasionally get flushed out. What sucks, though, as said to Katy above, is that even if you do flush them out, another will come, and the next person is just as bad if not worse.

      To reiterate, we are not opposed to helping out those who need it, but the people that keep being put in this house are ALWAYS pieces of shit who treat the house - and their neighbors - like complete crap. It sucks. Especially since Brandon does NOT live in a bad area. Anyone can make their house a Section 8 house.

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  6. Sorry about the fence :(
    On the bright side, I think it will be legit to add "Architect" to your titles, after you're done.

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    1. Hey, why not? We can add it after "reverend" and "esquire." It's good to be multifaceted. :)

      Next up... doctor!

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  7. My sister has housing benefits. I'd say that's the closest we have to government subsidised housing. Oh, wait, we have council houses. So we do have such a program. She's not allowed back in that program any more because her house was always such a mess that she was evicted. Sounds like things would be a lot better if those neighbours could be evicted to.

    I still feel bad when there are people like this though. As others have said subsidised housing is a good thing. There are families that could really use this and would be good, but then you have people like this who ruin things. There's an undeserved stigma against lower income families now. Not all of them are that bad.

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    1. It's true, not all of them are bad, and we didn't want this post to come across as "we're anti-low income" because we're not. We're just anti shitty people. It's unfortunate that a stream of shitty people keeps getting access to this house (and sadly, trashing it... along with the rest of the neighborhood) and just overall making government assistance look like a joke.

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  8. Instead of rebuilding the fence, it'd probably be wiser for you guys to start digging a moat. Then fill the moat with alligators or CPS agents.

    But, that sucks because you can't pick fights with people like that. They have all the time in the world to cause petty damages because they have no responsibilities, and they have nothing to lose, even if they are caught in the act.

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    1. Brandon has security cameras, but since fence-rammer steamrolled the fence on the edge of the house, it wasn't caught on camera. Thankfully, though, he'll know if they try to fuck with him otherwise.

      I do like the moat idea, though. Except we should just combine the two and make them alligator CPS agents. They'll take away your child... IN BITE SIZED PIECES.

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  9. BEER BOYS ~
    You mean the po-lice were no help at all?
    That really surprises me. Finally a real opportunity to "protect and serve" comes their way (as opposed to another one of those opportunities to kick down doors and bust innocent heads) and they didn't seize the chance to P&S?

    Gotta say I gotta kick outta this Komment:

    >>... when housing programs like this are not handled responsibly by the government, it actually erodes support for what might otherwise be a good program.

    As if ANYTHING the government handles is EVER handled responsibly?

    Furthermore, any Uncle Scam program that takes my money ('cause Uncle Scam ain't got none of his own, honeys) and redistributes it to filthy, lazy baztards without my permission can never be rationally labeled as "good". Only people like Vladamir Lenin, John Lennon, and every single president from FDR up to and including Barack Obama could label a program like that "good".

    Me, I'm less about housing some people and more about thinning out the herd and getting some jeans outta the pool.

    Oh well, boys, now you know why God gave us strong, craft beer. To take the edge off and help us (temporarily anyway) fuhgeddaboud da neighbors.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Yeah, isn't that great? The idiot slammed into the fence and left half his taillight and the bumper. And he immediately went to the repair shop to get his car fixed. Brandon called the police while the car was still in the shop, told them all about it. But since it wasn't being fixed in a Krispy Kreme and no one got murdered the police did absolutely nothing. They won't even return his calls. I mean, why would they want to handle an open and shut case when they're way too busy pulling people over for going 3 mph over the speed limit?

      And they wonder why we go Charles Bronson on the people that wrong us.

      Let us look at the book of Lebeericus, 32:10, for advice: And God said let there be Ballast Point, and let it be plentiful. And it was good. Good enough to tolerate crappy neighbors, anyway. Amen.

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  10. I love reading the SEO terms you enter at the end of your posts, e.g. "pitbulls eating babies." I'm curious to know if those search terms will come up in the analysis of folks who found your blog through Google. I get someone searching for "ugly feet" or "nasty ballerina feet" at LEAST once a month and I did those post over a year ago. Quality readership right there.

    These types of neighbors are....interesting? They make me the closest I've ever come to agreeing with Republicans. We have these kinds of neighbors in the ENTIRE block just north of us. We've had many interesting encounters, including the "Crazy Homeless Lady" as my son's friends called her. She would wander around, filthy, asking weird questions. One day she was in the parking lot of CVS, practically COVERED in blood. When I told the CVS workers about her they looked at ME like I was crazy, saying "Oh, she comes around all the time. Ignore her, she'll go away." Even when I called the police to tell them she's covered in BLOOD, the person on the phone explained that she probably just had her time of the month and forgot to do anything about it.
    One family, as explained to me by my across-the-street neighbors, SHOT a bullet through their camper parked in the driveway. They had a similar experience trying to get someone to take responsibility. They had to fix it on their own dime, through their own homeowners insurance. And I'm sure their rates went up because of it.
    At least you could fix fences if this whole being awesome writers thing doesn't work out.

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    1. You'd be surprised how people get to this site. We were once the #1 google result for "12 year old with booty shorts all up in they ass." That's... not a joke.

      And yes, this kind of thing absolutely makes a person want to join up with the Republican party and say "fuck poor people!" We too get the whole "just ignore them, they'll go away" thing but that's not really the way you handle someone driving their car through your fence. It's... well, kind of hard to ignore.

      I'll have to admit I laughed out loud at the "it's just her time of the month" thing. Yeah, you don't know how many times I've seen a woman forget a sanitary napkin and she looks like she walked out of a slasher movie.

      "How the hell did it get on your face?"
      "Strong flow."

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  11. Don't you just love people.
    I have one thing to say to you:
    Wasn't me.

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    1. Ba-zing!

      Seriously, I hate people. And it's not even just getting older; the more people I meet, the more I truly hate them all as a whole.

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  12. That's neat.

    No, really, that blows; sorry. I'm am looking at some of my annoying neighbors with renewed enthusiasm. But, hey, props to them for planting flowers in the toilet bowl. That shows creativity AND a love of nature. Maybe you're being a little hard on them?

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    1. It's true, we've both been pretty hard on them. I think we should bake them some cookies, get them a bouquet of toilet flowers, and invite them over so they can crash the other side of the fence. No hard feelings, guys?

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  13. Argh, neighbors, a pet peeve of mine. And I don't even have a house like that next door. My neighbor, fresh off the boat, wanted to put a clothesline on a tree in my yard that was just close enough to the fence for them to reach it. I went out and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not to touch that tree and I hated clotheslines. She didn't ask, she had her young son trying to put a ladder across the fence to reach it and I stared down at her from my deck and asked what exactly do you think you are doing? She and I had a few 'discussions'. Cripes. This was a nice neighborhood, but I had nicknames for all the neighbors. (Mr. Clapper-his morning regimen, Mr. Talk business on his deck, Mr. Perfect Lawn, Mr. I can't work-not my lifestyle, my wife supports me, Mrs. Nosy across the street, etc.) I'm not as tolerant as Brandon. PS - had a dog issue too and I threatened the dog with a big stick (he was chained). The neighbor heard it all too. . .the dog was scaring the little kids walking down the alleyway from school.

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    1. Yeah, what the hell happened? When we were both kids, our neighbors were nice people who were friendly and respectful. But now that we're both adults the only neighbors we ever have seem to be noisy assholes that want to make our lives a living hell. And it doesn't matter where you go, as Bryan lives in suburbia and his neighbors are still worthless assholes.

      My next house will be in the country, where my nearest neighbor is either 1 mile away or a moose. At least those I can tolerate.

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  14. Gah. And on his honeymoon too???

    Poor Brandon. When I first started reading, I thought Bryan was going to be his neighbor. :) For some reason, I can't imagine you two living more than a block apart…

    But… as always… you guys can turn it into humor. I'm seriously laughing at Bryan's sweater and the baby at the end and the expressions on your faces. It's so great. Just sad there's truth behind this. You know, if you moved here to Utah, you would get amazing cheesy neighbors who bring you cookies on a weekly basis. Just saying. :)

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    1. Yes, but do they still bake cookies for us non Mormons, or do they drop flaming dog poop on our front step after spray painting "REPENT" on the porch?

      And remember, we may live far apart physically, but we're never more than a block away from each other... in our hearts.

      *studio audience goes AWWWW*

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  15. Seems like someone should have been able to do something. You know, aside from Brandon rebuilding his own fence, out of his own money. Some people are just shitty - unfortunately, the shitty people appear to have gone all the way down the chain on this one. Why help, when you can just pass the buck??

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    1. Honestly I'd blame the police more than anything. The tenant crashed his car into the fence, left half his bumper and tail light in the yard, and took his car instantly to a repair shop. It would have been an open and shut case - go to the repair shop, inspect damage, compare. Instead, they did absolutely nothing.

      Always nice to know the police are there when you need them, right?

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  16. If I didn't know better I'd think that you're being sarcastic.

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    1. No, that's impossible. We just love destructive neighbors taking advantage of the government. It's just aweeeesome.

      (Oh God, we're stuck. I don't know how to shut off the sarcasm. Please help?)

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    1. If you saw the state they keep that house in, you'd call fire a steep improvement.

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  18. Wow. Sorry about your fence - and the neighbors! They sound like real winners. :0(

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    1. On the plus side, they only destroyed the fence, they didn't kill any of my dogs, so that's a plus? Always gotta look at that silver lining.

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  19. Yeah, we have these in England too. I used to live next door to some awful people, we had some really big run ins with them. I hope you're luckier with your next neighbours!

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    1. Like the naive suckers we are, we are still holding out hope that one day there will be a resident there who truly needs the housing, uses it to get back on their feet, and is overall not a crappy human being. But that day seems a long, LONG way away...

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  20. Hey! Hey. Pitbulls are totes adorbs, okay? No hating. "Feral dogs" would've been good enough to sell it. (No, seriously, pitbulls have a super bad rep already and it's pretty stupid. Don't discriminate, show them some love too!)

    But man, they busted your fence and there's nobody of authority that gives a damn? That's awful. Hell, if anything those folks should be kept a closer eye on, since they're essentially living cheap off the state. If they misbehave, that should get a strike, and be kicked out after two or three of 'em.

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    1. Actually, I'm not sure what your laws are like there, but they're illegal here. So it's mostly the issue of chaining up illegal dogs in their backyard that seems, well, stupid. That's the only reason why we mentioned them being pit bulls in the first place. We've got nothing against the dogs themselves.

      Besides, just keep in mind that with these people, these aren't exactly the type of attentive dog owners looking to properly train their dog to be a loving cuddle buddy...

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    2. Yeah it's sad that's still a thing. Not in all states though, if I'm not mistaken?

      And yeah, owners play a big part in a dog's behavior, and if they do a shit job then, well, any dog's bound to be bad-mannered. ):

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    3. Actually it's more by county. Certain counties here allow them, and certain counties have ruled them illegal. Strange how that works.

      And believe me, I wouldn't trust these people with a toy poodle any more than I would with a pit bull.

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  21. I worked in the welfare department in a little bitty town and lived next door to some of my clients that were paying like $100 a month for their overcrowded home that ran me $900 a month. All dogs are becoming a bane to the neighborhood now days. Everyone has six that never shut up. Cats are at least quiet animals.

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    1. Why DO we never see cats in deadbeat households? They're quiet, they pretty much care for themselves... you'd think that'd be the easy answer. But nope, let's get some dogs that are outlawed in this county, tie them to a chain in the backyard, and ignore them while they bark their heads off. That's so much better!

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  22. As I was scrolling down that first paragraph and saw the sentence "and has a dumpster big enough to..." my brain automatically finished with "hide a body in". After reading this, I think this is a viable solution to your problem. Who would even notice one of these people lying about in a dumpster. And it smells anyway, so the stench of the dead body might go unnoticed. My only other advice is to find a heavily wooded area and start digging deep holes. 'Cause you're going to want to fill 'em.

    PS. Don't forget the lye.

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    1. We'd hide a body in the dumpster, but one of the trash divers would just fish it out and leave a mess all over the place. That's no good. Cappin' fools isn't really our style, but if someone wanted to take his hunk of junk car on a one way ride to the junk yard, it'd sure save us (and some future fence posts) a lot of trouble.

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  23. It's people like that who ruin the subsidized housing program and damage the reputations of the other one percent of section 8 people who actually show respect for their homes and neighbors. Okay, so that's a gross exaggeration, but it still sucks.

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    1. It might be an exaggeration, but that's sure what it feels like. So far zero percent of Brandon's Section 8 neighbors have been tolerable human beings, and as a guy who keeps to himself and gets along with just about everyone, that's saying a LOT.

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  24. I've lived next to those people more than once.

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    1. And I bet in all cases they thought YOU were the asshole, huh? (That's sure how it is here - why is this awful guy picking on us so much?)

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  25. My first house in South jersey had a similar tenant next door (a HUD tenant). What a neighbor she was.

    These were townhouses, so the nieghbors are close. Not much yard to speak of.

    Cars would pull up all day and all night for maybe fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. I am sure it had nothing to do with the sale of illegal substances.

    And I'm sure it was a coincidence that my shed was broken into and the few tools I owned and the cheap electric lawnmower were stolen after she moved in.

    Did I mention how much I enjoyed the throbbing pules of rap music at three in the morning?

    Although, I live in a decent neighborhood in AZ and had a neighbor hit a ball through my window, hop the fence, grab the ball and take off, all while I watched.

    It was the father who did that, not the son. I confronted him and he ponied up, but I was stunned that a grown man would have done that.

    Larry

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    1. People never fail to amaze me, and isn't it just incredible that no matter where you go - Denver, Arizona, Jersey, the stories are all the same? And truly, irresponsibility knows no age. The people Brandon's dealing with are 40. Who'd have ever thought, in their wildest imagination, that the two idiots running this site would be the "adults" in a situation?

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  26. This post is very sad. I have a friend whose husband died recently. She's two months behind on her rent and knows she'll probably be evicted soon. She would be so grateful for decent housing. X and I lived in subsidized housing when he was in grad school. It was a godsend.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. I once lived in low income housing while I was starting out in the world. We all need help from time to time. It's just heartbreaking to see so many shitty people get access to something they squander while the good people that could truly benefit from it get kicked out on the street.

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  27. While I do agree that government assistance for people who really need it is a good thing overall, people who abuse it just make my blood boil!

    That being said, Brandon's neighbors sound simply charming! I mean, to selflessly assist him in redecorating his yard without even having to be asked? That's just amazing! And such a unique sense of style! Who else would think to use broken beer bottles, fence splinters, and random car parts in place of lawn flamingoes? Brilliant!

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    1. Oh my goodness, you aren't kidding! Just the other day they made Brandon and his wife some fresh baked cookies* and brought it over to their house** to congratulate them. It was so heart warming.

      *empty bottles of cheap malt liquor
      **lobbed over into the backyard drunkenly

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  28. we have lived in a number of states & areas with rednecks, woodchucks & people who qualify as ignorant & don't give a damn. This is not to condemn all low income folk as we've been there too, on food stamps and in a govt subsidized rental. That said, we have never been able to figure out why people don't pick up their yards, keep their trash put away and take care of their pets. Why have one anyway if they don't care about them? It doesn't cost anything to pick up trash and go to the dump.

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    1. We have nothing against low income folks either. We've both been there, and probably still even are there (we each are far from rich). But neither of us can understand how a homeowner can give someone their house because they know they're down on their luck, and then the tenant just shits all over it... sometimes literally.

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  29. I'm going to give you the highest compliment I can- I'm going to share this with a friend who'll think you live in the same neighborhood!

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    1. Hmmm, is your friend the victim of a bad neighbor, or... the bad neighbor?

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    2. Victim... on all sides! He is the "Fortress of Reason" in the ghettohood.

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    3. "Ghettohood." I like that. Consider it, like I assume most of his belongings, stolen.

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  30. You know if I was a stalker, which I'm not I would be able to find your house and peek into your windows which I'm not gonna do because you pretty much gave a would be stalker everything they need to know to find you...

    A nice neighborhood in Denver with a big back yard and a broken fence. I mean how hard could it be to find you? LMAO

    Sorry that your neighbors are flakes...I like in an apartment building with an idiot for a manager that loves to rent to people who just got out of prison...yeah..I'm so damn lucky.

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    1. *live in* not, like in an apartment. Great googly moogly the typos...

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    2. Ha, the joke's on you! Section 8 houses in nice neighborhoods are all over the place here, meaning there are probably broken fences everywhere! Good luck finding me!

      Oh, and sorry to hear your neighbors are crappy too. As we mentioned to another commenter, it seems like the days of friendly neighbors that you wave to and trade formalities and sometimes cookie recipes with are long gone. All I get these days are broken glass and the finger.

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  31. I see absolutely nothing wrong with having a cluttered lawn and destroying other people's property. Where I'm from that kind of behavior is highly encouraged. I am now an upstanding member of my community.

    And yes, I have fallen off the face of the earth. I am back now, having landed in this wonderful place called poverty.

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    1. Welcome to poverty! We hope you enjoy the party. Tonight we'll be serving ramen noodles and Keystone Light, and the party will end promptly at 11 PM when the power finally shuts off from our overdue bill.

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  32. I lived next to family that kept two pit bulls and must of not fed them on a regular basis. Saw the two dogs tear a cat in two one day. I did call the boys in blue on that one. The dogs could easily climb their broken fence.

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    1. Yep, and these are the kinds of assholes that give pit bulls a bad name. But hey, I'm sure if I was starving and chained to an old tetherball pole I'd want to get bitey too.

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  33. And just as Brandon and the Mrs. were starting to experience married life. That is messed up. When I know about Section 8 housing, I avoid living by or in it. I'm guessing Brandon didn't even know. I think there are laws in CA now that protect those tenants from the landlords revealing their status. So we have no protections from possibly residing nextdoor to Hay-sooses. Sorry about the fence. I hope the labor goes easier than anticipated.

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    1. Well, if that's the biggest test life can throw for a new marriage, I'd say it's still relatively tame compared to what some could go through.

      Also, the labor hasn't been terrible, and it's being turned into a positive - putting in a brand new fence that looks even better than the old one. But don't tell the Section 8 goons - they'll think they were helping. :)

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  34. I give you props for even trying to laugh about this (or present it in a comical light) because I wouldn't be laughing. In fact, even though you tried to make it funny... I still wasn't laughing.

    The hard truth is that most people who need help refuse to ask for it. They will do anything and everything before they dip from that well. (I know-as someone who literally tried every possible route before filing for SSD and cannot wait to be well enough to work again... seriously.) While the people who could work... so often just don't. Worse, they don't appreciate the help they are given. I guess that old adage proves true: we truly learn to appreciate things from hard work. We didn't appreciate the dollar as a kid when it was just Given to us. It became a whole different story when chores were involved. Or babysitting. Or a job after school. That dollar became a whole lot more valued. And it is still true... when anyone "higher" - and that includes the government or your momma - gives you everything, you don't appreciate the hard work that went into that dollar in the first place. And that is a damn shame.

    On the plus side, you have a new-found appreciation for it DIY projects. You know, because you did it yourself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It IS a damn shame, and frankly, if we don't joke about it then the terrorists win. Or something like that.

      We've always both been pretty crafty, so as mentioned above, the fence rebuilding isn't all that hard. And the fence being put in is better than the one that was there before. It's just the principle of the matter and the time being put into it that sucks for Brandon.

      And yes, amen to what you said. Neither of us are rich in the slightest, but we've always worked hard for what we each have, and we appreciate what we're given. If someone gave either of us a house for free and told us we could live there while we picked ourselves up, we wouldn't shit all over it (figuratively and literally) and we'd work hard to get the hell out of there ASAP. But apparently that's not the same for others who'd rather use it as their own personal party palace. Who needs responsibility when you get free shit and can do whatever you want with absolutely no repercussions?

      Delete
  35. Awww poor doggies! And poor fence. But really. Doggies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, fences can be rebuilt, but those dogs are possibly fucked for life. They were taken by the city, so hopefully they were rehabilitated in time and found a loving home (Brandon wasted absolutely no time in reporting the POS's).

      Delete
  36. If you're interested in Jessica Bell's latest bloody thriller drop by my Rainforest Blog - answer the quiz question, and you might get a free book. Just sayin'
    Link:
    http://dghudson-rainwriting.blogspot.ca/2014/10/white-lady-by-jessica-bell-and-quiz.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, no, I didn't say I wanted to win a copy of White Lady, I said where can I buy a white lady? I'm in the market for a slightly used caucasian female, one who can preferably build a fence.

      Delete
  37. That pisses me off. I want to kidnap those poor dogs. Hate your fence was killed. It makes me happy all of my neighbors are old and don't get out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, the dogs (which were puppies at the time) got reported by Brandon and snatched up by the city almost immediately, so we both would like to think that they've long since been rehabilitated and put in a good home in a county where pit bulls aren't illegal. And not put down because their owners were selfish fucktards.

      I once scoffed at the thought of boring old people neighbors. But the older I get, the more I wish I lived next to people who went to bed at 8 PM and kept to themselves. I'm not far off from that myself.

      Delete
  38. I've heard a lot of horror stories about Section 8 and yours seems to be typical (at least out here). Where I live, we have a lot of motels, which have become Section 8-ish style housing.

    And most of the commenters who have mentioned it, it's wickedly hard to evict someone from that kind of housing to begin with. Here, the only way to get them out is to go through the court system, which in of itself, is a pain in the as, because the second someone gets a piece of mail, in the eyes of the court, they've established residence in your domicile so you must file an eviction notice to get rid of them.

    The Inner Sibling

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even after the fence thing, Brandon was assured that one more strike and they were out. They instantly committed one more strike, Brandon reported them for it, and the housing authorities suddenly change their tune and say, "Well, see, it's not that easy..."

      Hmmm, what's worse, being unable to do anything, or making promises you can't and won't keep?

      Delete
  39. That sounds amazing...No, not for Brandon, but being the neighbor. I can't imagine going through life with a wanton disregard for just about everything. I would love to not care about other people's comfort or civility or general empathy. It must be so freeing and relaxing to just not care about anything except a constant good time. Thus are the joys of stupidity. Maybe Brandon just needs to get dumb. The more wildly ignorant he gets, the less these incidents will bother him as he will be the one causing such incidents.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They say ignorance is bliss, and I'm really beginning to think there's some truth to that. These idiots are just happy as clams. Maybe the next thing they need to drive their car into is Brandon's brain, so he can start enjoying the mentally disabled carefree lifestyle.

      Delete
  40. How awful and I suppose the insurance doesn't cover it either. I think I would hide steel spikes in the new fence and put out rat poison for the dogs. Where's Denver? I immediately thought Colorado and of course I was wrong.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But you immediately thought correct! Denver is the capital of Colorado, and that's indeed where we both reside.

      Delete
    2. Oops, for some reason I thought you guys were in the UK. Silly me.

      Delete
    3. That's okay - we're thin, we have a solid grasp of the English language, and we drink craft beers: I can understand why you thought we weren't American. ;)

      Delete
  41. that seems to be the policy... take care of those who dont take care of themselves, and they wouldn't ever consider taking advantage of that, either... don't get me stah-ted!

    and if he lives in CO, just have a smoke with them, then he'll forget all his troubles, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unfortunately, the only way weed is going to solve this problem is if they smoke themselves into a coma so strong they can no longer drive their shitty car or have parties at 3 in the morning.

      Delete
  42. Sir:
    YOU have managed to capture the "essence" (or is that just the bad smell?) of MY particular part of Fort Wayne, Indiana...watched it change over a decade from a NICE neighborhood into ..."the ghettohood".
    And you have brilliantly portrayed what these primates are all about.
    I DID observe the recent "Do Something Nice Day"...I didn't go postal and off ALL of the mooks living around us, so I also have a compassionate side...lol.

    Love your blog.

    Stay safe out there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! Thanks for dropping by! I'm going to guess you're the friend C.W. Martin mentioned passing this post along to.

      I think probably one of the worst things is that Brandon is the only one in his neighborhood willing to stand up to them, so not only do these idiots feel justified in what they're doing because no one else says a thing, but they think he's just trying to "pick on" them.

      Delete
    2. Sir:
      Yes, that is EXACTLY my situation as well..."an army of one" that still give's a rat's backside for this once-nice area of town...
      No one else says a word, so I consider THEM part of the problem as well.
      A very unique study in the human condition, that's for sure.
      Feel free to check out my blog:
      The PA-IN-Erudition (on blogger)

      Stay safe out there.

      Delete
  43. My condolences. I'm glad the city removed the dogs. This kind of thing just pushes all my buttons, so I'm certain I wouldn't be cool and calm enough to write about it without sounding like The Crazy Writer Lady.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. When we talk about it in person we sound like Grumpy Old Angry Neighbor so I'm just glad the post itself came out not sounding so pissed off.

      Delete
  44. Replies
    1. Ultimately it's just a fence, so it could be much worse.

      Delete
  45. I'm so sorry you and your wife are going through this, Brandon. I guess the honeymoon's over. Sounds like you're not going to stop fighting. It's ridiculous how your neighbors are too afraid to get involved. What happened to strength in numbers? I'm glad you were considerate enough to save their dogs. Fortunately, Bryan is being a huge help with your new fence. I hope things get better soon.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This has all been going on for a long time with a multitude of bad people moving in and out of that house so it never really ruined the honeymoon... it's just kinda become a part of daily life. But you're right, that doesn't mean we're gonna stop fighting.

      Delete
  46. Crappy neighbors suck, no matter their housing. Loved the Little Tykes car up on blocks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen to that. And they keep saying they're going to trick it out and put new rims on it, but that thing's been up on blocks for a looooong time now...

      Delete
  47. I could be wrong here, but I'm sensing some sarcasm. Maybe even some passive aggressive undertones. Like, is it REALLY a big back yard that Brandon's got there, or is that just being said to point out how terribly small and uncomfortable it is? I dunno.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay, you caught us, it's actually a pretty small back yard. But sometimes we have to embellish to make a story more enjoyable. We lie because we care. Please understand that.

      Delete
  48. I live next to someone like that. Some people decorate their front gardens with quaint gnomes, these guys use old discarded fridges and stained mattresses to provide a unique Nurglish look.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some people want their yard to say "Welcome! Come on in!" Others just want it to say, "DON'T OPEN DEAD INSIDE."

      Delete
  49. Unexpectedly relocated - I love that!

    I used to be in the property management business. We were always on the lookout for people who were moving and wanted to rent out their homes. One day, a guy came in and said he was interested but said the government would guarantee "most of" the rent while we couldn't do that for him. Um, okay. But will the government also ensure your property isn't turned into a garbage site too? I think not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh yeah, I'm sure that guy learned the hard way that free government money usually comes at a price. I hope it was able to pay for the landfill they turned that poor house into...

      Delete
  50. Well that fucking sucks. I seriously can't understand that mentality. Why thrash a place? I mean, one not belonging to an ex or something.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We don't get it either; especially a place you live in. I mean, it's not like a hotel that you trash and move on. This is the place you sleep in. Eat in. Who wants to do all that surrounded by filth and destroyed junk?

      Delete
  51. Shit I thought my neighbors came from hell but it seems I need to redefine "from hel". I wish I could get a nice clean house for next to nothing. So all I need to do is chain up illegally kept pit bulls in my backyard? Great tip.

    Their attitude, IQ, and total worth are about the same? Damn, that can't be good. So now what? Call Blue Teach to... teach them a lesson?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't forget to quit your job, too. That should also help. Not just because it's for people with low income, but because you don't want something boring like a "job" taking up all that time you need to devote to destroying your neighborhood.

      Teach them a lesson? Hmmm... I don't suppose you could write an app that evicts shitty neighbors?

      Delete
    2. If I knew how to write such an app, I'd have found my ticket to the tropics.

      Delete
  52. Oh, no! This is the neighborhood from hell.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Ugh, sorry about Brandon's fence. A friend of mine is in a similar situation. I swear, the house is like a clown car. People just keep pouring out.

    Did you guys see Jessica's comment for her book tour on my blog about having won something?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, we had NOT noticed that, so thank you for checking back in!

      Delete
  54. I hope I get an invitation to one of their parties. They do give parties, right?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only every night! Just make sure you bring a bottle of fine wine* and some appetizers** to contribute toward the soiree.***

      *malt liquor
      **Taco Bell
      ***drunken mob

      Delete
  55. I think I can beat that for wonderful neighbours. Our new neighbours noticed that our green tin fence wasn't very sightly, so they were kind enough to tear it down and replace it with a nice white one. We didn't even have to ask them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did it at least look nicer than the old one? That's practically a favor. Well, until they mail you the bill...

      Delete
    2. It would have looked nicer if they'd replaced all our fences, not just the one we shared with them.

      Delete
  56. You can't fix stupid...but you can kill it. (well sort of..maybe if ya don't get caught?)

    ReplyDelete