For those who don't know, a Section 8 house is when a homeowner gets paid money by the government to rent his or her house out to low income families. And one of those houses resides right next to Brandon's, which is fantastic for him, because it's always full of such caring, high quality people.
The house itself is easy to spot, because it's the only one on the block that has a nice, busy yard like this one.
And the tenants that come and go, man are they some classy, upstanding citizens that really add a lot to the community. They promote exemplary respect of the local legal statutes, no matter how big or small.
And really, who doesn't love living next to people that chain up illegally kept pit bulls in their backyard all day? Leashes and obedience training and regular feedings are for pussies, anyway.
Besides, these upstanding citizens don't have time or money to feed their dogs, because they have to feed their housemates. You see, Brandon's neighbors are true humanitarians. Not only do they get to live in a nice clean house for next to nothing, but they're always willing to welcome friends and family members in need with open arms. Which is why there's literally a dozen people living in that teeny two-bedroom house, making obnoxiously loud noise at all times of day AND night.
Because just like the broken liquor bottles they love heaving over into Brandon's yard at 2 in the morning, two bedrooms and drunken shouting is something to be shared with all.
And they don't just take great care of themselves, they take great care of the neighborhood, too. In fact, they inspire the most amazing renovation projects. Like pointing out the dangerous frailty of Brandon's fence.
It's just awesome coming home to your fence completely destroyed, with the neighbor nowhere to be found because he's getting his car fixed at the repair shop before the police can see it, even though half of his tail light and chunks of his bumper are still in your own yard.
And the best part of all about living next door to government subsidized housing? There's no need to complain about anything. Ever. Because there's nobody to complain to. When Brandon's fence posts got unexpectedly relocated by the neighbor's careening jalopy, he learned the true beauty of sharing a property line with public housing: irresponsibility isn't just a lifestyle; it's an institution.
Living next to these folks is a true exercise in humility. Some humans in this world cruise through life with the accountability of a bowling ball. Their attitude, IQ, and total worth are about the same too. And sometimes, just sometimes, a person is lucky enough to get them for a neighbor.
Now if you'll excuse us, we have to spend the rest of the week fixing Brandon's fence on his own dime. And to the kindhearted people in the Section 8 house, thank you, so much, for allowing Brandon this amazing DIY experience!
For your next project, perhaps you can destroy his garage? That's been needing a touch up for a while anyway.
Cheers and stay classy, folks,
Beer: Breckenridge Barleywine Batch #1
Music: The Kooks (in concert, bitches!)