And the result was nothing short of epic. It was chock full of profound philosophical insights, stunning public speaking skills, and even a death threat or five. Definitely five.
In a 30 minute presentation, we taught the kids all kinds of important things regarding writing. Like how to work together under stress.
We also taught them how to dispose of a dead hooker. Which doesn't really relate to writing, but is just a great life-lesson anyway.
We even taught them how to market yourself as a writer.
After our talk, we opened it up to Q and A, where the children had so many questions, like "Why are you here?" and "Why are you drunk?" and "Where can we find the antidote?"
Even after all the kids were dismissed, they wanted us to stick around and goof off with them. So we played football in the gymnasium, and Bryan showed off his best John Elway throw.*
*as thrown by a now-retired, 60 year old John Elway
The pass went to Brandon, who dragged 5 third-graders with him to a touchdown. He then celebrated by spiking the ball in their tiny, disappointed faces.
Brandon was then sent to time out to think about what he'd done.
At that point, the principal realized we were way too big and hairy to be third-graders, and our cover was blown. We were promptly ejected from the premises, Uncle Phil style.
...Okay, kidding aside, we DID talk to Maxwell Elementary, and we told them all about the importance of writing. Not just that, but we showed them just how fun it is, that even as adults we still have a blast writing. And they loved every minute of it. Our original story, to demonstrate the proper use and importance of beginning/middle/end, even got a round of applause from the kids.
The Snake and the Wig
(Beginning) There once was a snake who was sad because he was bald.
(Middle) He met a talking wig that was sad because it had no friends.
(End) So the snake wore the wig, and everyone was happy, because the snake now had hair, and the wig now had a friend. The end.
(A moving story, we know)
Afterwards, we challenged them all to write us a story using the things we taught them, and everyone is incredibly excited at the thought of writing an original story that's going to be seen by two real life authors.
Overall, the presentation was a ton of fun for everyone, and to our fellow writer friends who have often heard that reading is dead... well, don't tell that to these third-graders. You should see just how excited they get over a good book, and many of them were incredibly disappointed to hear that they couldn't (or rather, shouldn't in good conscience) read any of our books... at least until they're much, much older.
In the end, after showing them that reading and writing can make you into literary rock stars like us, we gave a hundred third-graders permission to rock the fuck out.
Because writing will never be dead as long as kids like these are still being taught that reading is pretty damn awesome.
Cheers and stay classy, friends,
Music: Sondre Lerche (in concert!)
Beer: Big Choice Poblano Stout