Monday, September 15, 2014

Local Imbeciles Demand Exorbitant Wage Increase

It has recently come to our attention that, like the majority of fast-food employees who have begun to go on strike, we have been working for severely low wages here at A Beer for the Shower. Even though this blog brings in dozens of dollars a month*, we don't see any of it.

*approximately zero, give or take

So, like that pimple-faced french fry fryer slaving over your delicious heart attack sticks in the back of the McDonald's kitchen, we've petitioned to give ourselves a raise - $15 an hour. And to do that, we had to visit our boss, the CEO of A Beer for the Shower, Peggy Sue the Retarded Goat.







Peggy, as our wise and selfless CEO, reminded us that money didn't just magically appear out of nowhere. Our new salaries would have to come from someone. And since Peggy Sue had her own family to feed, it wouldn't be from her. After all, she needed to retain her million dollar salary and $2.5 million dollar quarterly bonus and Roth IRA retirement plan.

So for starters, we were going to have to eliminate our Internet access. And all forms of electricity.


And to help fund our salaries, we'd also have to start charging users to access "high quality" content on our site. AKA every single punchline, since we're just brimming with the utmost comedic quality around here... right?




(The answer, if you were wondering, is "ten tickles." That's how many tickles it takes to make an octopus laugh. Don't worry, the $15 surcharge will be delivered to you in the mail)

But alas, all of this still wouldn't be enough, because Peggy knew that readers would stop visiting the site. So we'd have to cut back even further.

From here, all cartoons would be outsourced to a third world country where English is not the first, second, or even third language. And all artwork would be pawned off to inbred goat farmers with severe learning disabilities who have absolutely no talent for art whatsoever.


Wow, look at that shitty artwork. Nice football head, Stewie Griffin. Where's Brandon's mouth? And what's with those stupid ass circle hands?

Ugh, okay, so on second thought, we couldn't put you guys through all of that. It's way too much quality sacrificed just so we could make $15 an hour. So in the end... we just said fuck it and decided to go work at McDonald's. After all, once that big minimum wage increase happens we'll finally be making the big bucks, which beats out our Plan B of shitting out some illegitimate children and going on welfare.

And let me tell you, flipping burgers is so much easier than writing and illustrating comedy.




We usually have something clever to add to the end of postings, but since we're now slinging burgers instead of blogging, I guess the only thing left to ask is... you want fries with that?

Cheers and stay motivated, friends,
B&B

Music: Jeremy Mage and The Magi
Beer: Titan IPA


113 comments:

  1. I'll take a Frosty. Wait, wrong fast food franchise...
    Rice will be lucky to be flipping burgers somewhere.
    You realize you now need to invent a coin slot for computers. Think of all the gamblers you would hook.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aren't most modern day slot machines just computers you put your money into? The key difference, though, is those being specifically programmed to steal that money?

      Delete
  2. This did my little nostalgic heart well. I got some Peggy Sue and some old school football head drawings, I even got one of those beady eyes in the dark gags that I'm an absolute sucker for (that's sincere, by the way, I love the eyeballs in the dark jokes). You guys don't get paid for this? Google sends me a check every three days. Hold on, someone is knocking on my door...
    I have been informed by some very surly yet well dressed gentlemen that I owe Lord Google a substantial sum. I'm donating a liver to raise the funds (joke's on them).

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ah yes, the memories. Like... why the fuck was Brandon holding a potato in that original picture? Who knows. We drank a lot then. We still do, but we also drank a lot then.

      I'm pretty sure if I ever meet Lord Google in person he's just going to knee cap me and steal my wallet.

      Delete
  3. Brandon is channeling his inner Luigi there at the start, albeit a very dirty one, but I guess that is what plumbing does to you. Maybe fast food isn't such a bad thing after all, could be cleaning what come out someone's ass lol and they third world country, horrible football head artists can still draw better than me.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, it may not be better if you're a fast food janitor. Have you seen what comes out of the asses of a typical MdDonald's customer?

      Delete
    2. No, as in the public loo I never go haha

      Delete
    3. I once walked into a McDonald's and the whole place smelled like piss, I mean piss with a capital P, and the girl behind the counter asked if she could help me. One big public loo.

      Delete
  4. I loved this post until I saw the Rice slam stuff. Now I doubly love it! The coach is afraid for his life - it's so twisted.

    I've worked for and among Peggy Sue's for many, many years (approx 2 decades) - often, with a Master's from Berkeley (I don't say that to brag - believe me. It's not all that), I earned less than $15/hr too. I've flipped burgers and served food at an eatery, too. That was much easier and much more mindless than anything else I would've done. Sure, I felt humbled when my friend came up to me as I was changing a trashcan, but not as humbled as I've felt getting a paycheck SMALLER than Peggy Sue's. Yep, our clients do much better than we do (state checks) and live quite nicely...Crap, Peggy Sue got me started. Sorry. I'll save it for another time or book.

    Cheers, my favorite duo!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Huh, my cool boss from my most recent job had a Master's from Berkeley (I don't say that to undermine you, I say that like 'small world, eh?').

      So get this - right after I got my Bachelor's Degree in IT (from THE prestigious ITT Tech, don't swoon), I got a job at IBM making $12 an hour. They refused to give anyone raises, so I quit to get a job at a rec center in a suburban neighborhood, who was paying $14 an hour to just swipe membership cards at a front desk. I'm not kidding.

      Also, while we're at it, my wife just got into IT, and her first IT job was... IBM. This time making $10 an hour, last year. See, while everyone else pays more, IBM actually pays LESS as time goes by. So I guess what I'm saying is A) fuck IBM and B) my wife makes more at a better job now but I once knew burger flippers that made more than she did.

      Cheers to another novel sized comment!

      Delete
    2. It is a twisted world. Peggy Sue deserves a series of books, but none of us could afford her. Having read your comment I'd have to agree with A) fuck IBM and I'm glad for B.

      Delete
  5. I lasted exactly 1 month in fast food. That was way back in college. Apparently you are not suppose to shout at a customer for coming in every single night at closing and then dining in.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That was 29 days more than I lasted. I lasted one whole day. It was so awful and boring and disgusting (cooking that slop) that I quit on the spot and promised my mom I'd get a job but anything, anything but that.

      Delete
  6. Oh Ray Rice, you crazy wife beating bastard. I don't think he'll be flipping burgers just yet though. He's earned enough money to wait until this all blows over and people stop caring. Now a handegg star is a child abuser that time could be even closer than first thought.

    I'm really mixed on the minimum wage increase. I support living wages. I think that everyone should be able to live on what they earn, but I am with the people who think "Isn't $15 for flipping burgers a bit much?" Plus I think it sucks that no one is talking about how much servers earn. They're forced to live on tips in some cases. America is weird. I can buy a gun on a credit card I can't afford to pay off, and then use it to rob a store that doesn't pay me enough to live, so I can pay off the gun.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hah! That last sentence was gold, man. And we're kinda divided on this too. As I mentioned in a comment above, I know plenty of people in IT not even making $15. So what happens if fast food workers start making that much? Will places like IBM start paying $17 an hour? $20? Or will they just say "fuck you" and you can either choose to make your $15 writing code scripts and diagnosing broken servers or mindlessly flipping burger patties? And what about servers? Will they still make $2 an hour, or does that raise, too? Because I know plenty of servers who would go make $15 flipping burgers if it was a guaranteed paycheck.

      Delete
  7. Now, where do I recognize those club hands from?? The way things keep improving around this site, I'm surprised there isn't an entry fee just to click on the home page!

    I'm with you guys. If they start paying $15 an hour at Burger Gut, I'm gonna quit my day job and go work there. Wait, I don't have a day job…I guess I'll just keep lounging around on my couch. Maybe I can get me some free government money?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Wait, you mean you've been bypassing the entry fee to get in? Well then, with the years you've been coming around this site, I can assure you your bill is going to be MASSIVE.

      Delete
    2. Can you send that bill to my home. You may know the address: 1600 Pennsylvania….

      Delete
  8. If burger flippers start making $15 an hour they better hope they can hold onto their jobs because people in other jobs who make less are going to be coming for the burger flippin jobs.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. My wife makes just a hair more than that now. Meaning that if that increase passes, she's either getting a fat raise, or she's gonna go flip some burgers, because I guarantee that's a million times easier than what she's doing now!

      Delete
  9. I feel a little guilty for laughing at the last third of this post.

    Also, I was wondering whether that goat is taking the money from my site, too.

    I realized a few months ago that if I was a rock musician, this is probably the point in my life when all of my loved ones would intervene to pop my dreams of being a musician and make me get a real job. But because I write, I sort of fly under the radar and I'm going to able to be a loser for YEARS!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Just remember you're in a guilt free zone, where you're among others who have probably done and laughed at much, much worse than yourself.

      And amen to that, sister! My mom doesn't even know I'm a blogger or a cartoonist. If she had any idea how much time I wasted doodling on this site she'd probably have an aneurysm and then promptly send me off to the driest, soul-suckingest desk job she could find.

      Delete
  10. Isn't the very definition of "blogging" that the hours are bad and the pay is worse?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, the hours aren't THAT bad. I mean, they're long, but at least I still get to choose them... right? Please don't take this one thing away from me. It's the last straw before I go mentally insane and start flipping over tables.

      Delete
  11. Rice should work for White Castle. He can use his victims---eerrr, punching bags as the "meat" in the sliders. It's a win-win.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Ah, that reminds me of the joke my east coast friend always told me.

      Q: Why do they call them sliders?
      A: Because they go in your mouth and slide straight out of your ass.

      What I'm saying is, human meat could only be an upgrade.

      Delete
  12. I'd actually like some fries right now. I had bacon cheese fries yesterday though and I'm not sure anything could top that. The food court is getting to know me too well when I go on lunches.

    Hope you enjoy your new jobs. Remember, if it looks edible once it's fried, nobody will tell the difference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the golden rule is that you can fry anything and it'll taste good. Hell, I just accidentally stuck my hand in the fryer and while I should be driving myself to the ER, my fingers are DELICIOUS.

      Delete
  13. "Half-assedly slapping burgers together"?
    Man, for fifteen bucks an hour you Beer Boys ought to at least be slapping them together 3/4ths-assedly.

    Well, if I give you a tip will you put my hamburger together with more care and slip me my fries "under the table"?

    Good. Tip: Take the Broncos and the points.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Dammit. I tried to pass those fries under the table but since I couldn't see my hand I just dropped them all over the place.

      Sorry, I kinda lost my sharp wit ever since I started doing such a mindless job. Would you like to supersize those floor fries for a dollar more?

      Delete
  14. $15 an hour, you Americans are so lucky!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That would be meaningful if they were Canadian dollars, but unfortunately, $15 an hour doesn't go very far here. We're becoming the new peso!

      Delete
  15. How come we never hear about husband abuse? Hmmm. I say you should have BBQ'd that CEO and taken the money.

    McDonalds is known for giving its employees excellent training while keeping them at subsistence level. Keeps them humble, I have heard. . .maybe they pay better in the US than in Canada.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Have you tried BBQ'd goat? It's just not good. They're much better fried.

      And McDonalds employees are not paid very well at all here. Part of their handbook instructs people on how to get second jobs or go on government assistance to survive, which is pretty sad.

      Delete
  16. Aw, so nice to see how well for herself Peggy Sue has done. (huh, is it just me, or is that the most awkward sentence ever? I'm hoping it's just me, cause I'm too lazy to fix it).

    I can't fathom how you guys can make no money for this blog. And yet there are some blogs that bring in money that can't compare to yours. It's a crazy world.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. It's probably because we don't want to drive off our readers turning this page into ad-city. And while we joke about money, we do still make book sales, which is more than enough to justify doodling a few stupid cartoons here and there. :)

      Also, I think the awkwardness in that statement is just purely Peggy Sue. She has a way of fouling up sentences like that.

      Delete
  17. Ad sense dropped me months ago because my photos and topics were "too risque!" So now I don't make anything at all.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Adsense is infamous for dropping anyone for any reason at all, just so they can get free advertising out of you. We reached our $100 cashout, and the EXACT day we were slated for payment our account was canceled, no questions asked, and we've been banned for life. We can't even appeal it. Adsense is probably one of the biggest scams on the Internet today.

      Delete
  18. Apparently there are ways to become a paid blogger. I dunno... seems magical to me. I guess that would mean I would have to consistently post. At least you guys are doing that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Step 1: Post consistently.
      Step 2: Monetize the shit out of the blog.
      Step 3: ?????
      Step 4: RULE THE WORLD

      Delete
  19. Hmmm...I'd definitely say you guys deserve a pay raise. I mean, look at the quality cartoons we get every single week! You've earned at least an extra 25 cents an hour! Don't let Peggy short change you, even if it means she has to give up her 2nd yacht!

    PS: The throwback to the old cartoon style, blaming it on inbred goat farmers? Genius! I laughed.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh yes, we've come so far since we were illiterate, inbred goat farmers. And now look at us, writing novels and drawing doodles at a 7th grade level.

      And sweet, 25 cents an hour! Shall I send you my mailing address so I can direct the quarters you'll be sending me each week?

      Delete
    2. Oh, don't worry, your first check is already on its way! And don't worry about an address, I'm actually beta testing a whole new means of shipping things: Carrier Seagulls [Patent Pending].

      Delete
  20. Remember folks, blogging isn't a job, it's a full-time commitment to bettering the internet through poorly written articles on your poorly chosen opinions, fueled by the collective warmth of twelve thousand poorly picked internet fights.
    If that doesn't make you feel warm and fuzzy inside, I don't know what will.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How about disagreeing with you just for the sake of starting an Internet fight, saying ghastly things I'd never say to another living being in person, and then SWATing your house as a last ditch effort to "show you who's boss"?

      Delete
  21. I'm STILL laughing at the lazy cartoon joke… and the "Ya ya ya!" …

    Sigh.

    I can't wait until you guys are rolling in the dough and you can do a post on how you don't know what to do with all your cash and all the funny ways you spend it… and yanno, since I want to be best friends with Brian's purple-haired cool wife, I pretty much want her to be rich because she deserves it after putting up with you two… JK ;-)

    And whichever one of you left the funny comment over on my blog today, I'm still laughing. Thanks. :) :) :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh, that was me that left that comment. You didn't notice? If you still haven't figured it out, I'm the smart one. That should help.

      Delete
  22. I really think you are selling yourselves short. Part time hours at McDs are made for a second job, so the goat should really think about pimping you out at both jobs! I think though, I'd avoid the Baltimore restaurants.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I'd avoid all of them, personally, but I'll bite - why the Baltimore ones specifically?

      Oh, and Peggy's already pimping us out, period, so the last thing we need is johns complaining that we smell like french fries.

      Delete
    2. Is it because of Ray Rice? Because I assure you, he only fights women.

      Delete
    3. Yep, that was it. I personally have been in Baltimore for about 15 minutes in my entire life, and that was like 2 in the morning and I was basically asleep.

      Delete
  23. $15/hr for working fast food. Do you ever wonder what these people are thinking?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That apparently fast food is no longer a starter job and we should pay them all as much as possible so they can make a full time living doing this, rather than seeking a higher career?

      Delete
  24. I'm going to use this space to make important points about my political and economic philosophies, as well as to make trenchant remarks about making light of domestic abuse. After all, jokes on a blog always mean more than simply '"jokes on a blog," and if there is one way to change the world that is guaranteed to have an impact, it is being the 48th person to comment on a humor blog.

    So to begin with, let's talk about Adam Smith...

    *47,600 words later*

    ...plus, "ten tickles?" Who decided THAT? What kind of science are we funding where scientists are tickling octopuses? And how did they not get attacked by the tenta... oh, I see what you did there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Then I shall retort with my own political philosophy, it being that Barack Obama is to blame for everything in life including my own personal failures and shortcomings. As for my economic philosophy, I have no money but I wish I did.

      As for making light of domestic abuse, I guess I just walked right into that one. Your argument hit me like a punch in the face, and the damage it's done will leave a real black eye on our reputation.

      The floor is yours, good sir.

      Delete
  25. That is a huge pay increase. I no longer wonder why so many people do not strive to accomplish more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At this point it's even deemed offensive to call a fast food job a starter job, which, when I was growing up, it always was (the job you get for a few years as a teenager to get some work experience and then move on).

      Delete
  26. Did you say "shitty artwork"? That isn't shitty artwork. It's art full stop. Now where's my $15?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Oh crap, I gotta pay you too? This whole minimum wage thing is never gonna work if we just keep passing payment around to each other.

      Delete
    2. You may have a point there. Why don't we just rob a bank and blame my ex-neighbor?

      Delete
  27. I overheard Peggy laughing with the California Happy Cows. She said she'd bullied you guys into thinking she had only half a brain and now you'd do anything she said, even working for half of what you earned. I swear :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hah, joke's on you - half of zero is still zero, so our pay hasn't changed at all!

      Delete
  28. I never go to McDonald's, sorry. Glad I don't if they are employing Rice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't go either. Being able to cook really opens your eyes as to what real food looks and tastes like! Hint - not like a flabby, deflated burger on its deathbed.

      Delete
  29. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I will say it's hard to get Congress to pass a meaningful min wage like 9 or 10, when these guys are asking for 15.

      Delete
    2. We both wonder why the number 15 was picked, especially when minimum wage here is $8.00. Essentially doubling your pay in one request is hard for ANYONE to swallow, no matter what side of the minimum wage fence you stand on.

      Delete
  30. Replies
    1. "Would you like to supersize that smile for an extra dollar?"

      Delete
  31. I'm a huge sucker for lazy cartoonists' eyeball in the dark jokes.

    I never flipped burgers, but I did work in a Frederick's of Hollywood store and a Fotomat Booth. Though, thankfully, not simultaneously.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's a shame, because combining those two is just essentially porn, and there's a TON of money in that...

      Delete
  32. I know this is going to seem like it's coming from nowhere, but I'm wondering if that is the same goat that used to manage Cosby. That goat sure gets around.
    Speaking of Cosby, you should get Jello to hire you to do commercials or something. That's where his fortune came from.

    I had something real to say, but... yeah, it's gone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's cool, the last time we had anything real to say was probably the summer of 2009.

      Bippity bip skip skippity puddin pops!

      Delete
    2. Hmm... That was a long time ago.
      No wonder there are Sinclair gas stations in that book.
      (That makes sense in my head. That's all you need to know.)

      Delete
  33. Did you see the Ray Rice video before or after you helped him drag his wife away from the French fryer?

    Answer carefully-the world is reading...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I actually haven't seen the video, because I figure it looks exactly like what you think it looks like - a guy knocking a girl out, then dragging her around like a caveman. Why, did I nail it or what?

      Delete
  34. I think my blog makes some money, still, I think. I hope.

    Google hasn't sent me a cheque in so long. Looks like I'm going to have to starve.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Google actually sends you checks? They banned us for life after we started making a moderate amount of money. Couldn't have us actually profiting from our blog, I figure.

      Delete
  35. I read this yesterday but didn't know where to begin to comment. I still am feeling rather lost.

    $15.00/hr to flip burgers? Seriously? I have said this before, but never here, but these fast food jobs were never intended to be a career choice. Minimum wage exists for high school kids looking to put gas in their cars.

    I don't know how it has happened that people with families, and even college graduates, are trying to live off a minimum wage job. Or working three part-time min. wage jobs just to get by. I had no idea that IBM paid their IT people so poorly. The fact that anyone takes those jobs speaks more loudly than I thought possible to The State of the Union.

    Ever feel like all we are doing is "rearranging chairs on a ship that's going down?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I'm just lucky, but I've never had trouble moving up in the job world. And yes, IBM sucks, they pay you $10 an hour to do a job that normally pays $20 an hour. But that, too, for the IT world is a starter job. My wife easily moved up from that job to one paying what she deserves to be paid. I thought that was whole point of the American dream.

      And for anyone reading this who doesn't know me and might want to try to argue "well that's probably because she's a college educated white woman," my wife is a Mexican woman with nothing more than a high school diploma, working in a field that's predominantly white men with Bachelor's or Master's, so if she can climb the corporate ladder with ease (by excelling at her job and attempting to further her career) I don't see why it's so damn hard for everyone else.

      Delete
  36. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am not sure what happened with my post it came out all funky. I cannot believe they would expect $15.00 an hour when the minimum wage is $8.00. There are emts and firefighters working for less than $15.00.

      Delete
    2. I'm pretty sure your comment got eaten by the fast food monster.

      So far, just reading comments, the only people who want to see fast food workers double their pay are... fast food workers. If anyone else chimes in on why they think a fast food worker should get $15, we're all ears. We don't hate you, dear wielder of the french fry, but you also won't see us charging $15 per ebook next week because we feel like we need more of a living wage from writing.

      Delete
    3. Everyone deserves to earn a living wage, even people who flip burgers. Isn't it better than telling them to apply for food stamps and medicaid? During my long, long life, I have known many adults with families who had to resort to working at Mickey D's because they couldn't find anything else. Why should execs make soooo much more money than the people who do the real work? In fact, let's just take the money out of the execs' paychecks and give it to the booger flippers. Problem solved. As for Wal-Mart, the Walton family should stand outside every store and put money directly in the hands of the workers. The Waltons will still be on the list of the richest people in the world, no matter how much they give away.

      Delete
    4. Hey, and thanks for leaving a REAL comment! Like, not just blindly agreeing with us! I love when that happens, and no, that's not sarcasm.

      Don't even get me started on execs and their ridiculous bonuses. My mother worked at Safeway for a long time, and it killed me to see them pull back her hours to make their "quarterly goals" while still awarding their executives their same ridiculous 7 figure bonuses for doing... well, nothing. They always skim from the bottom, never from the top, even when the fault is their own, and that line of thinking is stupid. In an ideal world, a good company would be more willing to share the wealth at the bottom to ensure top quality workers that never want to leave.

      With that said, I'm gonna rock the boat and say this - I think asking if someone deserves something is kind of a loaded question. Just because someone has a wife and three kids doesn't mean they're automatically entitled to something. A teenager works after school at McDonald's and makes $8 an hour, and we say good job kid, you're getting job experience. But a man with a wife and three kids works at McDonald's for $8 an hour and we say, whoa, hold up, this man has a family to feed. Why wasn't he better prepared to support a family? Why is fast food not just his last option but his only option?

      I think people are scoffing at this so much because it's been made into the issue of fast food workers making $15 an hour when the real issue is overall fair wages for everybody. While I don't necessarily think that fast food workers should be making $15, I do think they could stand to make more. And to go along with that, I think the entry level employees at IBM who are making $10 an hour to do IT support could be making a lot more. I think the people at Wal-mart could make more. It's about more than just fast food. But since that's all that's being talked about, well... the idea of the guy flipping your burger suddenly doubling his pay sounds ridiculous to people.

      Delete
  37. Sure, I'll have some fries. And a double-patty of Dave's Hot and Juicy burgers.

    Oops, wrong chain. Dang it.

    I am now worried for Peggy: where will she ever find the money to afford getting herself the other orthopedic shoe? Doesn't anyone realize the sacrifices she makes to keep this blog afloat?

    -Barb

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, it's only the one foot that's crippled, so she only needs one orthopedic shoe. And if the other one starts to go, well, I think Obamacare covers goats... right?

      Delete
  38. If fast food workers start to get paid $15.00 an hour, I'm going to start practicing saying, "You want fries with that?" cause I am, for sure, in the wrong line of work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I'll be right there next to you at the Frosty machine!

      Delete
  39. When McDonald's first opened back in the dark ages, we thought it was a pretty cool place, and it was a real "treat" to get one of their disgusting burgers. (Yep, even back then, they were pretty disgusting.... with a dill pickle chip and small blobs of mustard and catsup.) But even back then, it was a place for teenagers to work, NOT a place for someone to "build a career" and make enough cash to support a family. I think everyone deserves a fair wage for a job well done, but fifteen bucks an hour to flip crappy burgers???? Geez, teachers will start leaving the schools in droves... The world is going nuts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You took the words right out of my mouth. Those words, of course, are now high in trans fat, hydrogenated oils, and high fructose corn syrup.

      Delete
  40. I went to college to get a social work degree. Man was I stupid. I never got offered fries, the wage was worse than McDonald.s and the Ray Rices of the world expected me to fix them. Now I can slave all day to earn that royalty check that will buy me a pre-wage increase dinner at McDonalds. After the increase, I guess it's hot dogs at home for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! I love when we get a Createspace royalty for like 50 cents and have to decide what kind of value meal Jr. cheeseburger we're going to split in half and spend it on.

      Delete
  41. I see your comments all over the place. I asked Susan Flett Swiderooski if she would set me up on a blind date with you. She told me to just get on over to your place, so here I am, your newest follower. You may address me as "Your Majesty."

    Love,
    Janie Junebug, a.k.a. The Queen of Grammar

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    1. Your Majesty, all I can afford is a blind date at McDonald's. After that you'll need to drive me back to my mom's house. From there I assume we can totally make out (after she goes to bed, of course). Friday sound good?

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  42. What is this about increasing McDonalds pay. I want in on this action. I'll flip the poop out of burgers at $15 an hour. Make them taste good too. How often do you pay for a good tasting burger, anyway? Damn right.

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    1. Hey, that's something we didn't even think about. If those guys are making $15 an hour, that had better be a DAMN good burger. Much better than the sad, floppy thing they serve you now.

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  43. If the minimum wage is raised to $15. I'd seriously consider quitting my job and getting two part-time jobs in the restaurant business. The funnest jobs I've have were working in a kitchen. Maybe not McDonald's, but, like, I could work with Applebee's or something. Yep, that's my goal in life. $15 an hour is all it takes for me to give up on my dreams.

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    1. If they paid $15 an hour to have fun in a kitchen all day I'd be right there with you. I don't know if Applebee's has a Sous Chef equivalent, but if they do... I'm in.

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  44. Okay, I'm in!
    Send me an application so I can replace Rice after one of you help me take his body out. It does seem easier than plan B and writing lol

    S.K. Anthony

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    1. Dayum, anyone who puts a hit out on Ray Rice like that not only deserves $15 an hour, but you deserve my unyielding respect!

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  45. I was so involved in reading the comments that I almost forgot what I was laughing hysterically about. Oh yeah, it was your paychecks. I loved the McDonald's coupons from 1983! Yes, there is a lot of controversy about raising minimum wage, but I'd rather focus on Peggy Sue's stylist. It's the little things like the cute bow on her head, and the sexy cigar that really bring her to life! You both deserve huge bonuses, and separate trailers!

    Julie

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    1. Now is living in 2 trailers an upgrade, or a downgrade? Because I like my modest sized house just fine...

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  46. hey the white zone is gone..
    Yes, i am bad, not been by for a little while but an awesome post to come back to.
    I think Peggy Sue must moonlight as CEO for my company as her business plan is pretty much the same as what they do to us.

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    1. Hey, we got rid of the white space? ...That's great, because we never changed anything!

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  47. Peggy sue is an asshole. I tried to get my cat at a job serving fast food, but it didn't go so well. The customers didnt appreciate all the sitting/napping/licking.

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    1. Which is weird, because that's what most of them do now anyway.

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  48. Dudes! I will keep buying your books. Peggy Sue is probably running on the GOP ticket...

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    1. A retarded goat voting Republican? Well, I guess I've heard stranger things...

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  49. Read this first thing Monday morning on my phone and forgot to come back and comment. I haven't read the other comments, so I'm probably being redundant, but this type of b.s. really frosts my cake. Minimum wage was never intended to be a 'living wage'...until now. This is simply to protect the Y & S (young and stupid) on their first jobs and give them something to aspire to. Minimum wage = more lay workers, who can hang out, give no service whatsoever, and still make a living wage. Ha, ha,ha!

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    1. Really frosts your cake? Now that almost sounds like a good thing. I love frosted cake.

      A run down of comments: pretty much the only people who want fast food workers to make $15 an hour are fast food workers. And it's pretty unanimous among commenters that if fast food workers are going to make $15 an hour then they're going to quit their jobs to flip burgers. I know I would - easiest $15 an hour I've ever made.

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  50. I haven't known Ray for long, but I have a good feeling about this guy.

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    1. The other day this woman came up to me and was like, "Hey, watch where you're going, buddy," and Ray just knocked her the fuck out and then dragged her lifeless body to the supply closet. I'll tell you, it's so nice to know I have someone here that's got my back.

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